Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
July 2016

Choose a category

Today, my husband kindly offered to take me on a brewery tour. Turned out the brewery is owned by his ex-girlfriend and there was no tour after all. Just me standing awkwardly for 25 minutes while he chatted to her about her family and stuff they used to do together. FML

by whiskynexttimeplease / 07/07/2016 at 4:52pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Love

Today, a customer asked if we stocked gluten-free water. Then she got pissed when I laughed at what I thought was her joke. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2016 at 10:23am / Work

Today, I saw a homeless man on the street and decided to give him the dollar bill I had left in my wallet. He said "Thank you" then as I turned to walk away, he muttered "Cheap-ass cunt". FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2016 at 2:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, what was meant to be a fun hour-long paddle with a friend turned into a 5 hour ordeal involving a coast guard helicopter, an ambulance, a hospital visit and a ruined canoe. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2016 at 6:02pm / Health

Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML

by TooNoisy4Me / 07/04/2016 at 5:46am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the friend I signed a lease with is actually a wanted drug dealer. I only found this out after the police kicked in the door at 5am and raided our house. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2016 at 11:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my new girlfriend took me on a double date with her, her best friend and her best friend's new girlfriend. Which would have been fine, if her best friend's girlfriend wasn't my recent ex. The small world of a lesbian. FML

Today, I found out that my favorite pizza place will no longer deliver to my area after dark because they've been robbed too many times. FML

by quackers / 07/08/2016 at 3:00am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to finally talk to my crush. I said "hello" to which he replied "first, dye your hair blonde and grow some boobs, then we can talk business." FML

by Brunette, small breasts / 07/24/2016 at 2:51pm / Romania (Giurgiu) / Love

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

by fuckel4 / 07/01/2016 at 4:12pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, I'm so broke that I had to get a refund for my unopened hummus, just so I'd be able to afford the bus fare to get to work tomorrow. FML

by Sarcasmo / 07/12/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money

Today, I walked in on my son flopping around on the floor with a blanket wrapped around his legs. Apparently at age 22, he'd rather pretend to be a mermaid than go out and get a damn job. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2016 at 12:09am / Kids

Today, I finally decided to accept a date proposal from a guy who's had a crush on me for years. I got into his car, and it smelled strongly of my middle school perfume. I went into his bedroom and saw my middle school class photos hanging everywhere. Let's just say I ran home that night. FML

by hannamacintosh / 07/07/2016 at 2:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love