Today, I decided to be healthy and drink a tall glass of water whilst doing my assignment that is due in three days. I managed to spill the entire glass over my laptop. I flipped it over and used a hairdryer to dry it off. While doing that, I managed to melt my keyboard. FML

By Louis - / Thursday 15 November 2018 13:00 / South Africa

Today, my dryer was finally repaired after not working for over a month. I did one load of laundry and my washer stopped working. Another day, another $400+ repair bill. FML

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By Asteria - / Thursday 15 November 2018 05:00 /

Today, the lady in front of me in the checkout line had a pacifier hanging around her neck, but I didn't think much of it until it was time for her to pay. She reacted to the $250 total by crying like a baby and very loudly asking me to put the pacifier in her mouth to calm her down. FML

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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 14 November 2018 14:00 /

Today, I bought a new $10,000 car since my old one broke down. Today, I also found out the old one wasn’t starting because i never had it in park. FML

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By crossl17 - / Monday 12 November 2018 15:30 /

Today, I went to a tattoo artist to get what I thought would be really cute, elegant finger tattoos. I left with wobbly, blobby messes all over my fingers. FML

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By Mylifesintatterssendhelp - / Monday 12 November 2018 03:00 /

World

Canada

Today, we left the cat alone all day for the first time in months, and came back home 11.5 hours later to three enormous puddles of vomit. We then spent $450 at the vet only to find out that our cat is perfectly healthy. He just has separation anxiety. FML

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By caittorr - / Sunday 11 November 2018 16:00 / Canada - Saint-jean-sur-richelieu

Today, a few years after getting mugged inspired me to start hitting the gym and taking karate classes, I was mugged again, this time in front of my girlfriend who I actually met at the gym. I was knocked out with one punch. It was the same mugger with the same neck tattoo. FML

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 10 November 2018 22:00 /

Today, my sister got fired and I got promoted to her job, got a nice payrise for it. My relationship with my sister will never be the same again. FML

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 10 November 2018 13:30 /

Today, I received an email from a shipping company telling me they had dropped off a package of expensive electronics at the front door. Too bad someone stole it before I made it to the door. FML

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By Isoneedtomove - / Friday 9 November 2018 16:00 / United States

Today, a passenger in my taxi left without paying. They left their phone, so I posted a message about it from their social media, exposing them. Turns out they'd stolen the phone from someone else. I ended up getting arrested. FML

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By Unlucky taxi driver - / Thursday 8 November 2018 14:00 /

Today, I went to my local bank after getting an email from them concerning unknown purchases. Four hours later, I was still in police custody. Someone had been using my account to purchase guns and drugs. FML

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By Wolf - / Wednesday 7 November 2018 15:30 /

Today, I got a blue screen of death on my brand new computer. Why? My parents installed an "anti-virus" before I got home. FML

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By lel - / Tuesday 6 November 2018 13:30 /

Today, my dad is refusing to let me marry my fiancé because he said no when my dad asked for a loan of £10,000 to help clear some gambling debts. Apparently that shows my fiancé has poor family values and will be a bad father and an alcoholic husband. Impressive logical thinking there. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 5 November 2018 22:00 /

Today, I accidentally put down the wrong year for my university graduation, so when my prospective boss was checking my references he found no mention of my name in that year's list of graduates. He accused me of faking my qualifications and refused to hire me. It was a 6-figure salary. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 5 November 2018 15:30 /

Today, I got into a car accident and totaled my car. Also today, someone bought themselves $600 worth of office furniture online with my bank info. My bank doesn’t believe me so they won’t help me get the money back. I'm broke and carless. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 5 November 2018 05:00 /

World

Canada

Today, for lunch I bought a burger, fries and milkshake. As I went to sit down the milkshake spilled all over the table, in my failed attempt to catch it I also managed to spill my fries all over the floor. FML

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By sarita - / Sunday 4 November 2018 08:30 / Canada

Today, my son watched some ridiculous Japanese cartoon about shokugeki cooking and is convinced he's the greatest cook ever by copying what happens in the show. He set fire to my frying pan, panicked, and dumped it in the ceramic sink, which cracked from the heat and flooded my kitchen. FML

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By sally - / Sunday 4 November 2018 12:00 /

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

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By TheMysteriousTsundere - / Saturday 3 November 2018 15:30 /

World

Australia

Today, while teaching my brother to drive on the freeway, I told him to downshift from 4th to 3rd. He went into 1st instead, blowing my engine and transmission. I can't afford to get it fixed. FML

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By willkftw - / Saturday 3 November 2018 23:30 / Australia - Blackburn

Today, a tree fell on our 3-month-old family car. Today, I also learned that my husband never insured it. It's probably scrap, and we still have to pay it off for the next 5 years. FML

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By in debt - / Thursday 1 November 2018 13:30 /

Today, I discovered that I once again forgot my credit card in the vending machine at work. This is the second time in a week that this happened, and now 6 coworkers have bought drinks with my card since I lost it. I have no way of making it back to work for a week. FML

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By ShortTermMemoryFailure - / Thursday 1 November 2018 08:00 / Canada - Halifax

Today, I was excited to finally receive my Halloween costume in the mail after the one I ordered back in September got lost in transit. Upon reaching my mailbox, I saw the lock had been broken off and my new costume had been stolen. The party is tomorrow. FML

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By sluttyfox - / Wednesday 31 October 2018 14:00 /

Today, I got a ticket for doing 38mph in a 45mph zone. Apparently you can be cited for "impeding traffic" even when you're the only car on the road. FML

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By Joel - / Sunday 28 October 2018 15:30 /

Today, my future sister-in-law told me that not only will I have to host her bachelorette party at my new, still under construction house, but she has also booked a sex consultant to come and give a toy presentation. There's a $350 minimum spend. Only 5 people are coming, 4 of which are family. FML

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By KeepinItInTheFamily - / Sunday 28 October 2018 05:00 /

Today, 4 weeks after I told my housemate I was moving out, she told me she expects me to continue paying rent beyond when I leave, despite giving her plenty of notice. Now I'm dealing with lawyers and it's more drama than I can handle. FML

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RAlyf Say more :

OP here. I was on the lease. I was approved to go off the lease, as someone else was moving into the house. 3 bedroom house, 2 people on the lease, I move out, someone else moves in. The real estate agent changed his mind about me going off the lease because the new chick wasn’t going into my room - which he can’t actually do - and the lease doesn’t specify who is in which room. The real estate...

By screwedover - / Saturday 27 October 2018 14:09 / Australia

World

Canada

Today, I broke up with the guy I've been dating for 6 months. His response was to destroy my $200 Japanese chef knife. I'm an apprentice cook and that knife means the world to me. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 27 October 2018 04:00 / Canada - Westerose

Today, after a year and a half of growing out my hair, I decided to get it trimmed at a Superclips. I walked in with a full head of hair and I left bald. At least it was free. FML

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By twofade - / Wednesday 24 October 2018 23:00 / United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. When she saw the ring, she got so excited that she ran to kiss me and it flew out of my hand, over the balcony of our suite, and fell roughly 45 stories straight down. I could feel my wallet screaming as a £4000 diamond vanished into the night. FML

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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 24 October 2018 14:00 /

Today, I went to switch my phone number to a new carrier. During the credit check, I was told that I couldn't because I already had an active account. This came as a surprise, as I've never had an account with that carrier. Time to file a fraud claim. FML

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By News to Me - / Sunday 21 October 2018 15:30 /

Today, I drove a total of 4 hours for my boss to demote me, downgrade my pay, and make the kid I hired my new boss. Why? Because I asked about the $500 missing from my paycheck. FML

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You deserved it

By Dino - / Sunday 21 October 2018 14:00 /

They are humans !

		Nickname
		anonyme1870
		anso2
		jopencil16
		gkrivi
		ganerdo
		Ziani7
		Nels452
		DarkGuts
		sidalibigboss
		sauc

Game Ranking

End of game in

Zombie

#	Nickname	Bites
1	whatshername?!	189
2	MysteryGuitarMan	146
3	im365sostressed	7
4	CaseyR	4
5	thatoneasiangirl	0
6	manicspecimen	0
7	Danitorresciadne	0
8	horselover69	0
9	Briannm	0
10	wordsoftruth	0
#	Total	346

vampire

#	Nickname	Bites
1	newbiemalestr8	2236
2	BadAtPuns	1412
3	Ashamed_Sister	1000
4	abigiggles	220
5	hellsingthecreator93	183
6	Dave_Davington	134
7	EclipticaLibra	120
8	Vaella	81
9	Callyn	48
10	xsandra	45
#	Total	5740