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Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

#1930337
391 comments

I agree, your life sucks (331317) - you deserved it (15759)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

#14043132
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52467) - you deserved it (9843)

On 12/01/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

#13661699
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58819) - you deserved it (8488)

On 10/31/2010 at 9:30am - intimacy - by Tai - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

#20172584
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6910) - you deserved it (31025)

On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

#97632
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (239425) - you deserved it (43352)

On 02/21/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by GD (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML

#14295570
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31163) - you deserved it (8181)

On 12/22/2010 at 6:43am - kids - by lerouxmaster -

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

#1751488
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72232) - you deserved it (21999)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60643) - you deserved it (15379)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

#2966896
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26874) - you deserved it (62954)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by NotSoYoung (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114730) - you deserved it (20783)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my fiancée broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML

#163689
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (312386) - you deserved it (23429)

On 02/28/2009 at 7:22pm - love - by loser (man) - United States (Arizona)



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