Intimacy: Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site... - FML

By The Sbeak - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

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Understandable

Overreach

Working from home rules!

By iGotSkill - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that some men think it's ok to clip their fingernails at the table, in a restaurant on a first date. FML

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By lumi - United States

Today, I received in the mail a hockey puck autographed by recent hall of fame addition Steve Yzerman. When asked, I had to explain to my 4 year old brother that someone famous had written his name on it. Later, I discovered that my brother decided it needed his name on it too. FML

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By whitefox123 - United States

Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML

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By JJLight - United States - Camarillo

Today, I invited my boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of my friends for the first time. I had been raving about him for weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

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By why me?? - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was leaving my friends' apartment in my mom's car and I backed into a fire hydrant. I lied and told my mom it was a hit and run. So she called the apartment complex. They had me on video hitting the fire hydrant. FML

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By inpain - United States

Today, I learned that my hairdo must resemble a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

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By asdfghjkl - United States

Today, I saw Saw IV with my boyfriend. He held me close and said, "I'll protect you." A few seconds later, he jumped up so violently, he gave me a bloody nose, and ran screaming out of the room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling unusually self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on makeup for the day. On my way to class, I passed some guys selling towels. One of them jeered, "Wanna be prettier? Buy a towel, and throw it over your face!" There goes my self-confidence. FML

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By caliibbyy

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn't until after I'd used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

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By jojobobo

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. I started to tear up and told her I had something stuck in my eye. I was secretly thrilled as I had been trying to end it for weeks. Seeing me cry, she immediately took it back. I really just had something stuck in my eye. FML

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By Unfortunately Me - United States - San Jose

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

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By anonymous - Singapore

Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML

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By OhDearGodGrandad - United Kingdom - Ilford

Today, I saw my grandfather on the train, with his cock out. FML

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By MikeMorin18 - United States

Today, at work I was talking to a co-worker about what a slacker my manager was, and how all she did was stand around and talk. She was standing behind me the whole time. I now have sore nuts due to a direct hit from a broom handle. FML

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By Silver_Samurai - Netherlands

Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

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By gotitEVERYWHERE - United States

Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML

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By ineedsleep - Finland - J?rvenp

Today, I found out that there's a very loud and frisky couple living above my bedroom, and a family with a crying baby living above my living room. At this rate, I'll end up sleeping in the bathtub in my own home. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a customer asked me if I was English, because I was struggling to understand what he saying. I said yes. He then called me a liar, and said I must be "one of them Polish immigrants." Oh, and he also had a thick Scottish accent. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Saint Marys

Today, I overheard a girl and a guy sitting behind me on the bus who were talking about Skyrim, one of my favourite games. After a while, I turned around and, as a fellow gamer, thanked them for restoring my faith in humanity. They went very quiet. I'm now that weird guy on the bus. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my new coworker asked if I knew her daughter. I responded yes and asked how her pregnancy was going. She didn't know her daughter was pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML

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By swim5 - United States - Tempe

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me because he is moving. He's only moving 20 minutes away. FML

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By amy - United States - Wellesley Hills

A cashier's life

Today, as I worked as a cashier, two girls came up laughing. I smiled as I rang them up, asking what had made them laugh so hard. One looked me dead in the face and said, "You." They then both walked away, laughing. FML

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By Random - United States

Today, I found out my little sister is marrying my ex, and that my mother set them up. FML

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By Nuts - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

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By sneezer - France

Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML

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By Xabeix - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I got a rejection letter after I filed a claim regarding potholes on a high speed road that damaged my vehicle. Two of my tires and very expensive Honda mags, worth 1000$ each, are done for. Meanwhile, the city claims they're working hard to fix the roads. It's been 3 weeks, the potholes are still there and the city says they're not at fault. FML

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By always-the-responsible-one - Canada

Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML

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By back to cock-hunting - Canada - Burnaby

Today, on our second date, the unemployed guy I'm seeing tried to convince me to open a joint bank account in our name. FML

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By Jif_Creamy - United States - Washington

Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML

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By oopsydaddy

Today, my dad asked my help with a computer problem. Whenever he logged on Facebook, every single advertisement appeared to be hardcore porn. I had to awkwardly explain that these ads are based on his browsing habits. FML

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By fiercehawk - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

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By Needlongerarms - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, my laziness got so bad, I downloaded an app and spent 10 minutes configuring it to work with my TV and cable box, just so I wouldn't have to get up and grab the remote. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that when I got my driver's permit, I agreed to be the designated driver for my family. FML

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By fijiflu

Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML

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By Benji

Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he was my landlord. FML

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By Numbass123 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

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Top comments

By BlueJuly | 3

#7407250 - Thursday 9 February 2017 13:44

Dont drop the soap....
Even better: Blackmail him to get a raise!

By GofuckY0urSe1f | 2

#7425132 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 7:01

have sex with him to get a raise

COMMENTS

By BlueJuly | 3

#7407250 - Thursday 9 February 2017 13:44

Dont drop the soap....
Even better: Blackmail him to get a raise!

By GofuckY0urSe1f | 2

#7425132 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 7:01

have sex with him to get a raise

By SisterDharma | 4

#7440505 - Monday 17 April 2017 23:04

Well, at least now you know how to get that promotion! But, you've gotta hold out for him, unless you're a good actor, anyway. (j/k honestly, don't even worry about him, unless you're interested, then go for it.)

By random _generator_v2 | 12

#7478732 - Sunday 2 July 2017 4:28

is your boss a girl?

Reply

innitfam7771 | 10

#7478915 - Sunday 2 July 2017 17:18

OP literally says "his" in the post.

By mike6292 | 22

#7490471 - Thursday 13 July 2017 23:32

GOOD LUCK

By R_L_Jack | 11

#7567114 - Thursday 23 November 2017 6:34

Remember, it is sexual assault only if you do not want it.

By logicalliv | 9

#7769128 - Thursday 14 February 2019 18:30

I wouldn't worry. Would you be as concerned if your boss had been a woman looking up "hot young guys" or something? Most people can keep their fantasies separate from their real life.