Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site... - FML

By The Sbeak - 13/2/2009 15:54 - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

554316

You deserved it

45206

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Big baby man

You snooze, you lose

By xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx - 24/11/2009 10:04 - Singapore

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27795

You deserved it

5762

Tweet

Share

By echolaker2019 - 11/4/2016 03:57 - United States - Scarsdale

Today, I had a second date with a really hot guy I met at the mall. Lucky for me, I went into anaphylactic shock from shrimp and the guy called my parents. When I left the hospital, I was notified that after he called my parents, he ordered more food and charged it to my credit card on file. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22691

You deserved it

1610

Tweet

Share

By me - 21/3/2013 10:25 - United Kingdom - Chichester

Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist. I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51744

You deserved it

6590

Tweet

Share

By - 27/2/2020 20:00

Completely wet

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

675

You deserved it

1852

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/3/2017 16:00

Today, I got a phone call from my boss, who'd hired me after two months of waiting and begging for this position. A week into the job, the company is closing our store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4603

You deserved it

325

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 21/5/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, I had to take care of my best friend while she was drunk. This meant changing her pee-soaked sheets, making her take a bath to get all the baby powder off, and making her put clothes on as she tried to run out the house naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34209

You deserved it

4598

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/1/2011 19:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about our new year's resolutions. I started telling him that I wanted to lose some weight. He interrupted me, saying, "Yeah yeah, we all know you're fat, whatever." He then went on a 30 minute speech about how he'd really like to take more pictures of his cat in 2011. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31356

You deserved it

6236

Tweet

Share

By pantsareathing - 13/6/2015 17:10 - Canada - Elliot Lake

Today, my dad has apparently decided that it's too much of a bother to put clothes on when he gets out of bed. He's been walking around in his tighty-whiteys for hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24371

You deserved it

2433

Tweet

Share

By BeachBummer - 21/4/2018 19:00

Today, I’ve been up since 5am getting everything ready for the beach. This is the first nice weekend we’ve had this season. I have a dressed toddler asleep on the couch and grown ass man that refuses to get out of bed. Today it’s 80 degrees. Next weekend is 50 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3859

You deserved it

564

Tweet

Share

By MoncaBang - 29/1/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33550

You deserved it

3400

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/4/2012 04:44 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25715

You deserved it

2495

Tweet

Share

By thatgirl - 18/6/2016 21:19 - Canada - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend took me to get the abortion that we both agreed on. He was being so supportive through the whole thing. When it was all over I thanked him for coming. He replied, "Well that's what got us here in the first place!" He's still mad he can't tell anyone his joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17533

You deserved it

4779

Tweet

Share

By fmlmylife - 11/3/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was walking to school and decided to be a good citizen by picking up a beer can on the sidewalk. I then walked on to my school's campus where I then got suspended by my dean for "trying to rebel", grounded by my parents for getting suspended, and an MIP from the school's police guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69497

You deserved it

9187

Tweet

Share

By BadNurse - 11/2/2017 20:00 - United States - Evansville

Today, I learned that the manager I switched jobs to escape 7 months ago will be my new boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8223

You deserved it

521

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/3/2012 02:36 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I got pulled into a conversation about my 62 year old boss's new breast implants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23764

You deserved it

2313

Tweet

Share

By PunchingKennyLoggins - 15/3/2010 13:33 - United States

Today, the satellite radio at work went on the fritz, playing one song over and over. Management wouldn't turn it off, though, because then customers would miss out on all those upcoming-sale announcements that run intermittently. Meanwhile, I got to listen to "Footloose" for eight hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29255

You deserved it

2471

Tweet

Share

By photomark - 13/12/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10471

You deserved it

36862

Tweet

Share

By Unknown - 15/12/2016 22:49 - Canada

Today, I turned off my boyfriends Xbox while he was playing because I wanted to talk to him about getting more serious with our relationship. As I did so, he said, "that's not the only thing you just turned off" and promptly broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5721

You deserved it

13916

Tweet

Share

By Enrique - 7/2/2010 01:19 - United States

Today, I work at McDonalds. I burned my hand while cleaning their grill and have a 2nd/3rd degree burn from my pinky to my wrist. When told about this, my manager told me that there was "nothing that they could do for me and to tough it out". However I was given a free McFlurry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33860

You deserved it

4968

Tweet

Share

By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997 - 24/6/2019 03:00

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

709

You deserved it

2048

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/7/2015 20:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27103

You deserved it

5700

Tweet

Share

By Gahh... - 3/12/2012 05:18 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22920

You deserved it

2947

Tweet

Share

By PrettyScared - 29/7/2013 15:07 - United States - Matthews

Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks

68422

You deserved it

5875

Tweet

Share

By aww, such a nice guy. NOT - 25/5/2014 17:46 - United States - Dodge City

Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41255

You deserved it

6624

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/6/2011 20:55 - United States

Today, I found out that I was one point away from passing a state science exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37523

You deserved it

11405

Tweet

Share

By M2thaM - 29/5/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12558

You deserved it

56608

Tweet

Share

By cduttl1230 - 26/6/2010 00:30 - United States

Today, after getting my appendix taken out, we had to drive over five sets of railroad tracks. Then, my four year old brother decided to punch me in the stomach because, "I took away his mommy for two days." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46934

You deserved it

3315

Tweet

Share

By rach - 19/5/2013 22:33 - United States - Roy

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44562

You deserved it

4341

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/4/2012 04:44 - United States

Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22823

You deserved it

5743

Tweet

Share

By confused - 25/1/2015 03:26 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38052

You deserved it

2945

Tweet

Share

By f - 9/11/2013 23:30 - United States - Hubert

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70123

You deserved it

5238

Tweet

Share

By Clumsy - 18/4/2019 18:00

Today, for the second time in a row, I slammed into the edge of the doorway while half asleep. My entire body hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1501

You deserved it

310

Tweet

Share

By walker - 6/7/2013 04:17 - United States

Today, I went over my girlfriend of 3 months' house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57510

You deserved it

4880

Tweet

Share

By aubrey - 14/10/2017 01:30

Time to go topless I guess...

Today, I accidentally gave myself a chemical burn. It hurts like hell and I've been told all I can do is wait it out for a few days. The worst part? It's from a reaction to a cream I used all over my chest. I can't wear a shirt without being in immense pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3090

You deserved it

299

Tweet

Share

By probably not getting the job - 9/3/2015 05:44 - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, I applied for a job at a local store. As I walked out the door, I heard the manager read it out loud and everybody else laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31394

You deserved it

2658

Tweet

Share

By mrdave - 4/7/2009 05:54 - Canada

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10851

You deserved it

46256

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/8/2014 21:05 - Israel

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52643

You deserved it

8608

Tweet

Share

By emmamrose7 - 15/8/2014 03:36 - United States - Vista

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59431

You deserved it

6005

Tweet

Share

By ihateguys - 26/9/2014 19:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I heard my boyfriend talking with my father in the backyard. I thought he was asking for my hand in marriage. He was actually telling him about his plans to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40817

You deserved it

3974

Tweet

Share

By wearingshorts - 28/8/2010 04:54 - United States

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16295

You deserved it

39018

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BlueJuly | 3

#7407250 - Thursday 9 February 2017 13:44

Dont drop the soap....
Even better: Blackmail him to get a raise!

By GofuckY0urSe1f | 2

#7425132 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 7:01

have sex with him to get a raise

Comments

By BlueJuly | 3

#7407250 - Thursday 9 February 2017 13:44

Dont drop the soap....
Even better: Blackmail him to get a raise!

By GofuckY0urSe1f | 2

#7425132 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 7:01

have sex with him to get a raise

By SisterDharma | 4

#7440505 - Monday 17 April 2017 23:04

Well, at least now you know how to get that promotion! But, you've gotta hold out for him, unless you're a good actor, anyway. (j/k honestly, don't even worry about him, unless you're interested, then go for it.)

By random _generator_v2 | 12

#7478732 - Sunday 2 July 2017 4:28

is your boss a girl?

Reply

innitfam7771 | 10

#7478915 - Sunday 2 July 2017 17:18

OP literally says "his" in the post.

By mike6292 | 22

#7490471 - Thursday 13 July 2017 23:32

GOOD LUCK

By R_L_Jack | 11

#7567114 - Thursday 23 November 2017 6:34

Remember, it is sexual assault only if you do not want it.

By logicalliv | 9

#7769128 - Thursday 14 February 2019 18:30

I wouldn't worry. Would you be as concerned if your boss had been a woman looking up "hot young guys" or something? Most people can keep their fantasies separate from their real life.