Intimacy: Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site... - FML

By The Sbeak - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

555183

You deserved it

45260

Tweet

Share

Walk on the wild side

Out of it

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55416

You deserved it

6692

Tweet

Share

By choker - United States

Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the check out line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was okay. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

94674

You deserved it

8254

Tweet

Share

By clumsyandhungry - United States

Today, we were closing the restaurant early. I begin mopping as a couple walks in. The lady slips and falls, and to avoid a lawsuit, we offer them free food. After they left, I slipped on the freshly mopped kitchen floor with dishes in my hands. I didn't get free food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25858

You deserved it

8693

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that getting an awesome new phone with all the new bells and whistles doesn't mean that people will now actually want to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12985

You deserved it

27296

Tweet

Share

By Bamamomma01 - United States

Today, I went to get my midterm essay grade thinking I couldn't have made lower than a B. Got to class and my douchebag professor gave me an F. He wrote "Best essay I read, would've been an A if it was the right topic." I wrote on the Industrial Revolution, instead of the Scientific Revolution. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26775

You deserved it

87374

Tweet

Share

By Debra2005 - United States

Today, I adopted a dog from the local shelter. I put the dog in the car and he was shedding everywhere, but I was ok with that because he was my dog. As I pulled into the parking lot, the dog began to poop in the backseat of my car. When I got him out of the car, he ran off. $100 for him to poop and run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47257

You deserved it

10666

Tweet

Share

By wheresmysweater - United States - Raleigh

Today, my trunk froze shut with my Christmas presents inside. Since it was still shut, I went to the store. When I came out, some ice had melted and the trunk had popped open. All of my gifts were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38692

You deserved it

5310

Tweet

Share

By Nanana32 - United States - Hudson

Today, I fell asleep on the beach while tanning. I was woken up by the flock of seagulls eating the bread from my stomach. Why was bread on my stomach? Because my little brother knows birds are my biggest fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48565

You deserved it

6000

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/2/2021 01:01 - Mexico - Iztacalco

That's… sexy

Today, my wife threw up in the middle of sex, then fell asleep right after. I didn't even finish and it'd been over a month since the last time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

941

You deserved it

268

Tweet

Share

By harshdoobie - Canada

Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33073

You deserved it

3323

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat for the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37504

You deserved it

2403

Tweet

Share

By agstone

Today, at 2:47 am, my mom woke me up in a panic screaming about smelling gas and the house blowing up. Twenty minutes, two fire trucks, and a traumatized dog later, it was just the neighbors burning their mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3958

You deserved it

205

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my AC stopped working. It's currently 3:08AM and I have 2 fans running, a cold washcloth on my neck, and a window open. It's still hot as hell. Thanks, Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2669

You deserved it

427

Tweet

Share

By JerryClark - United States - San Bernardino

So beautiful!

Today, my best female friend sent me a nude to make sure it looked good before she sent it to the guy she likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2777

You deserved it

507

Tweet

Share

By Msrebound

Today, even my 11-year-old noticed how much my boyfriend constantly reminisces about his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4808

You deserved it

585

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Caddy Shack

Today, I've had people calling the golf course just to ask what the weather's going to be like tomorrow. I’m a golf professional, not the weather man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1337

You deserved it

146

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Quakertown

Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49891

You deserved it

4908

Tweet

Share

By WhosGoingToCleanThisUp - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter taught me the literal meaning of "When the shit hits the fan." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21674

You deserved it

1719

Tweet

Share

By college kid - United States

Today, I found out that the day I moved out of my parents' house, they invited my whole family over and had a party to celebrate the fact that I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32158

You deserved it

5350

Tweet

Share

By GotMyBitchBack - United States - Zanesville

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54390

You deserved it

3031

Tweet

Share

By fjsinedniend - United States - Missoula

Today, I was having a conversation with a new friend when she remembered she needed to grab something from her car. I don't know where she parked, but it's been two and a half hours and she's still gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24485

You deserved it

2228

Tweet

Share

By Abr829 - United States

Today, I had just finished writing an essay for English. I was proud of it and thought it was one of my best works. I decided to show it to my mom, who is an English major. She read it, turned to me and said, "You know, if you actually want to go to UCLA, you're going to need to actually try." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31133

You deserved it

4618

Tweet

Share

By iskalion - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26247

You deserved it

5379

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that, because I'm a student, the employees I train make more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33081

You deserved it

2362

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6242

You deserved it

1567

Tweet

Share

By blind_date - United States

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the 3rd person. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51276

You deserved it

6334

Tweet

Share

By hiii. - United States

Today, I was so bored I googled the word "bored." The results were boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11303

You deserved it

40738

Tweet

Share

By imarriedanaxemurderer - United States - Joliet

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63442

You deserved it

4606

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Athens

Today, I was shocked to notice that my hair has started growing out entirely silver, supposedly due to pregnancy. I'm 19. Apparently, according to my aunt, "It runs in the family." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33547

You deserved it

6702

Tweet

Share

By zombielover1 - United States

Today, while eating a Subway sandwich, I was watching a comedian on TV. As he said his signature line, I laughed hysterically and accidentally snorted a jalapeño into my nose. I spent the next 5 minutes trying to snort out the little piece that got lodged into my nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40103

You deserved it

12797

Tweet

Share

By How could the fuck I know? - 12/4/2021 17:00

Sorry, friend

Today, I was given my Covid-19 test results after a friend and I went to take one. I had been sneezing and having fevers lately, and out of solidarity, my friend also took the test to give me the courage to do so. I tested negative, but my friend didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

798

You deserved it

131

Tweet

Share

By Popscene - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24283

You deserved it

2912

Tweet

Share

By Rosie - United States - Brunswick

Today, my boyfriend of over a year said that being in a relationship is pointless. When I responded that I couldn't picture my life without him, he said he couldn't picture his life without our cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16063

You deserved it

1676

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47906

You deserved it

8695

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21093

You deserved it

119501

Tweet

Share

By Anon - United States

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49865

You deserved it

5582

Tweet

Share

By KD - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my friends and I were talking about our celebrity lookalikes. We decided that my friends all had attractive celebrity lookalikes, including Scarlett Johansson and Hayden Panettiere. When it was my turn, they decided that my "celebrity" lookalike is the Pillsbury Doughboy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29562

You deserved it

3953

Tweet

Share

By always amazed - Canada - Barrie

Today, my dad came over and ordered me, a 43 year-old woman, to purchase a kitchen table. He and my sisters are embarassed that we are still using a plastic folding table. It doesn't matter to them that we have just spent over $30,000 on renovations. His cousins are coming from Italy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19124

You deserved it

3003

Tweet

Share

By nraecher - Canada - Ajax

Today, while making love to my boyfriend for the first time, I moaned his name. He freaked out over how I wasn't over my ex, and angrily left. They have the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61842

You deserved it

8794

Tweet

Share

By

Glittery letters

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2105

You deserved it

415

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BlueJuly | 3

#7407250 - Thursday 9 February 2017 13:44

Dont drop the soap....
Even better: Blackmail him to get a raise!

By GofuckY0urSe1f | 2

#7425132 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 7:01

have sex with him to get a raise

COMMENTS

By BlueJuly | 3

#7407250 - Thursday 9 February 2017 13:44

Dont drop the soap....
Even better: Blackmail him to get a raise!

By GofuckY0urSe1f | 2

#7425132 - Wednesday 15 March 2017 7:01

have sex with him to get a raise

By SisterDharma | 4

#7440505 - Monday 17 April 2017 23:04

Well, at least now you know how to get that promotion! But, you've gotta hold out for him, unless you're a good actor, anyway. (j/k honestly, don't even worry about him, unless you're interested, then go for it.)

By random _generator_v2 | 12

#7478732 - Sunday 2 July 2017 4:28

is your boss a girl?

Reply

innitfam7771 | 10

#7478915 - Sunday 2 July 2017 17:18

OP literally says "his" in the post.

By mike6292 | 22

#7490471 - Thursday 13 July 2017 23:32

GOOD LUCK

By R_L_Jack | 11

#7567114 - Thursday 23 November 2017 6:34

Remember, it is sexual assault only if you do not want it.

By logicalliv | 9

#7769128 - Thursday 14 February 2019 18:30

I wouldn't worry. Would you be as concerned if your boss had been a woman looking up "hot young guys" or something? Most people can keep their fantasies separate from their real life.