Today, at 16 years old, I got "the talk" from Dad. He began with "I don’t really need to give you the talk do I? It would just be awkward for us both." I agreed with him, and we drove home in silence. Thanks for avoiding the awkwardness, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By TalkedTo - / Wednesday 14 November 2018 03:00 /

Today, my boyfriend, who is also my boss, was giving me a blowjob at work. Halfway through, his boss knocked on the door and I had to quickly get dressed and slip out the other door. After leaving, I realized that I was still barefoot and I had to walk back to my desk in front of my colleagues. FML

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You deserved it

By Walk of Shame - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 22:00 /

Today, my class had a debate about religion. My classmate said that Christians couldn't be circumcised because "only Jewish people are". Without thinking, I said it isn't true because I'm Christian and I’m circumcised. I accidentally gave the whole class a mental picture of my dick. FML

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You deserved it

By Big Mouth - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 14:00 /

Today, right before sex, with his dick out and the condom in one hand, the guy I was with answered a phone call from his mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By T1A2Z3 - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 03:00 /

Today, my nana turned up at my flat for a visit, barged in without knocking, and found me having sex with both of my girlfriends. The vicious religious lecture that followed would have stripped the tramp stamp off a whore. She then rampaged through our bedroom and binned all our sex toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Lesbian and proud, nana - / Monday 12 November 2018 14:00 /

World

Canada

Today, I accidentally opened my dad's sex tape. For the second time. FML

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You deserved it

By traumatized - / Saturday 10 November 2018 21:00 / Canada - Joliette

Today, my landlord sent me a text asking me to please keep it down because our loud Wednesday night sex sessions are disturbing other tenants in the building. Wednesday is my night shift every week so my wife is home alone, or at least I thought she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Thursday 8 November 2018 22:00 /

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Rob - / Wednesday 7 November 2018 03:00 /

Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 6 November 2018 03:00 /

Today, I reached out to an old friend to ask how his battle with cancer is going. He responded by asking for boob pics. FML

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You deserved it

By littlekellilee - / Monday 5 November 2018 03:00 /

Today, I went home with my cute coworker. What started out as a little dirty talk and teasing ended with him admitting he was in a terrible emotional place and sending me home in an Uber so he could sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By horny and alone - / Sunday 4 November 2018 03:00 /

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

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You deserved it

By Jackmeister - / Saturday 3 November 2018 03:00 /

Today, my mom decided she wants to try a new family bonding experiment: Being naked around the house for an entire week. She wants us all to eat dinner, watch tv, etc. completely naked. She says she will ground me and my siblings if we don't try it. FML

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You deserved it

By Whoops - / Friday 2 November 2018 14:00 /

Today, I went over to the house of a guy I have hooked up with a few times. After we got done, I asked him why we were not in the room across the hall. He said that was his twin brother's room. FML

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You deserved it

By Sally - / Wednesday 31 October 2018 22:00 / United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend for a kiss, and in response, she suggested that we settle for a hand hug. FML

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You deserved it

By Kid Lacef - / Wednesday 31 October 2018 15:30 /

World

Sweden

Today, when I came home, my dildo was placed in the middle of the bed. I last put it in my drawer. I only live with my dad. FML

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You deserved it

By idaaan - / Wednesday 31 October 2018 03:00 / Sweden - Karlstad

Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 30 October 2018 15:30 /

Today, I had to finally accept that no amount of communication, directions, or diagrams will make my otherwise great boyfriend good at sex. When he's on top, he thrusts like the tin man with no oil. When I'm on top, he lays there like a sedated mattress. He refuses to try anything new. FML

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You deserved it

By he’s just terrible at it! - / Tuesday 30 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML

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You deserved it

By welp24 - / Sunday 28 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

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You deserved it

By Average Lover - / Saturday 27 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, my wife is still not pregnant, but her sister is after the threesome we all had a few months ago. The threesome was my wife's idea, but I suspect I am still a dead man when it comes to whose fault it is. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Friday 26 October 2018 05:00 /

Today, my boyfriend bought me a vibrator for my birthday. Sounds sweet, right? Then he invited my 10/14-year-old cousins to our house. They surprised me in my room. While I was using it. FML

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You deserved it

By Ohgodhelpme - / Thursday 25 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML

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You deserved it

By peridot1aa - / Wednesday 24 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

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By I wish it was gum - / Tuesday 23 October 2018 12:00 /

Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML

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You deserved it

By yikesss - / Tuesday 23 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Monday 22 October 2018 03:00 /

World

Bosnia and Herzegovina

Today, I had to go to the hospital because I broke my leg in a sex accident. The doctor is my boyfriend's mom. I had to explain everything to her. FML

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You deserved it

By slaya - / Sunday 21 October 2018 13:30 / Bosnia and Herzegovina - Visoko

World

Australia

Today, my fiancée and I saw my parents at a store. This would've been a nice surprise if it wasn't a sex shop. FML

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You deserved it

By Fuckkkk - / Saturday 20 October 2018 14:00 / Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, I was watching a TV show with my 7-year-old niece. A scene came on where the main character was being tortured, and the one torturing him said "I'm gonna make you scream." Without hesitating, I said, "Oh, kinky." My niece turned to me and asked, "What does kinky mean?" FML

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You deserved it

By Lily Cakes - / Friday 19 October 2018 20:00 / United States - Clarksville

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Friday 19 October 2018 14:00 /

Game Ranking

End of game in

Zombie

#	Nickname	Bites
1	whatshername?!	126
2	im365sostressed	7
3	CaseyR	4
4	NeuroticByChoice	0
5	7846239	0
6	DeadLegBo	0
7	junfitz	0
8	DarkestNightmare	0
9	SweetCheeseIt	0
10	ЗАБЕРИТЕ 12 000 РУБ ЗДЕСЬ www.mnogodeneho.tk TsGGX	0
#	Total	137

vampire

#	Nickname	Bites
1	newbiemalestr8	1904
2	BadAtPuns	1198
3	Ashamed_Sister	680
4	abigiggles	220
5	hellsingthecreator93	183
6	Dave_Davington	134
7	EclipticaLibra	119
8	Vaella	81
9	Callyn	47
10	xsandra	45
#	Total	4885