FML : Intimacy, Your everyday life stories

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

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By Dockin - / Thursday 14 February 2019 15:37 / India

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

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By InsultToInjury - / Friday 28 December 2018 04:00 /

Today, my husband left his cellphone unlocked so I decided to go through it. I found 10 texts threads from 10 different women, one of them from my 18 year old sister who was sending him nude pictures. FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

By Anonymous - / Thursday 27 December 2018 04:00 /

Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

By - / Monday 24 December 2018 12:00 /

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

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By Unlucky - / Wednesday 19 December 2018 02:00 / United Kingdom - Bagworth

Today I was messaging memes back and forth with one of my female coworkers and I accidentally sent a junk pic'. FML

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By Varnpike - / Tuesday 18 December 2018 03:00 /

Today, I had the misfortune of getting my period during another exam. And yes, the male professor also noticed this time. FML

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By "1DisGR8" - / Sunday 16 December 2018 09:30 / Canada - Toronto

Today, in front of my friends, my mom came after me with a pair of tweezers exclaiming "there's just a couple of hairs on your chin that need to be plucked." I'm a 14 year old girl. FML

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By "linzi1771" - / Saturday 15 December 2018 05:00 / Canada - Vancouver

Today, someone broke the flush on the toilet in the only female bathroom in the office, and didn’t leave either a note or out of order sign. The broken flush became very apparent, however, after I was unable to flush the vile smelling deposit I’d left in there. FML

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By Oops - / Sunday 9 December 2018 14:00 /

Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML

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By - / Friday 7 December 2018 20:00 / United States - Huntsville

Today, I realized that my husband's preferred sexual activities not only don't require me to take off my clothes, but go much better for him when I don't. He doesn't get why this makes me self-conscious about getting naked in front of him... FML

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By - / Tuesday 4 December 2018 15:00 / United States - Saint Joseph

Today at 30 years old, my wife asked why I'm circumcised when my parents aren't religious. I didn't know I was circumcised. FML

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By JWags - / Tuesday 4 December 2018 05:00 /

Today, I called my husband's mistress to confront her. Her husband answered and immediately began hitting on me. He asked what was taking me so long to join their circle and if I was as into dp as his wife is. I don’t know whether to vomit from rage or disgust. FML

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By what the fuck?! - / Sunday 2 December 2018 20:00 / United States - Hesperia

Today, I thought I'd take advantage of the lovely weather and sunbake topless in my grandmother's back yard. My grandma went up the street to do some shopping and didn’t tell me that men were coming to mow the lawn. I was laying on my back. FML

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By NotHappyJan - / Monday 3 December 2018 03:00 /

World

Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and then going to her place, not only did she not want sex, she also wanted me to leave and told me she never wanted to see me again. FML

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By IDon’tKnowAnymore - / Sunday 2 December 2018 08:00 / Canada - Ottawa

Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 1 December 2018 06:05 /

World

Canada

Today, I was going to have sex for the first time, but when my girlfriend and I got naked, I couldn't get it up. I eventually got hard but it involved me thinking about the time I accidentally saw my girlfriend's brother naked. I think I may be gay. FML

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By Anonymous - / Thursday 29 November 2018 23:00 / Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I got on an elevator with a couple that started fighting about which sex outfit the guy should wear for their next roleplay. When they couldn't decide, they proceeded to show me all of the photos, including a My Little Pony outfit. I had to go up the next 22 floors with them. FML

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By poorpony - / Thursday 29 November 2018 14:00 /

Today, it's my 2-year wedding anniversary. It also marks 2 years since my wife told me, "We're married now we don't need to have sex anymore." FML

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By Sapphire Mills - / Wednesday 28 November 2018 13:30 /

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

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By Superdumb - / Monday 26 November 2018 03:00 /

Today, I walked in on my nineteen-year-old stepson masturbating into a pair of my panties. His excuse? He thought they belonged to my 17-year-old daughter. FML

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By JeezAndAges - / Saturday 24 November 2018 05:00 /

Today, I found out that the love of my life had been pleasuring himself to pictures of my ex-boyfriends. Yes, he's bisexual. He says it's ok because I'm dating him now. Great. FML

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By Alisha-_- - / Friday 23 November 2018 03:00 /

Today, my uncle is on vacation with his friend, who sent us a video of their hotel room. He captured a glimpse of my uncle in the shower. Naked. This can't be unseen. FML

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By Vlad - / Wednesday 21 November 2018 13:30 /

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

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By eeewww - / Wednesday 21 November 2018 03:13 /

Today, I went to a work event and was having my picture taken with a coworker. Since we had done karaoke together, someone said we should pose like we were singing. I held my hand up like I was holding a mic and opened my mouth. It looked like I was performing a sex act. My boss glared at me. FML

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By Karaoke Queen - / Tuesday 20 November 2018 12:00 /

Today, I signed for a delivery for my mom and something inside started to vibrate. I can't leave it because if she gets home and it's still vibrating she'll know I know what it is, but if I open it to turn it off, she'll know I've opened it and know what it is. Someone help me. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 19 November 2018 05:00 /

Today, I needed some contact lens solution, so I left my room to look in my sister's room to see if she had any. I walked in to see my mom sucking my dad off on her bed. They didn't see me so I walked away, but the image is engraved in my mind forever now. FML

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By Anonymous - / Sunday 18 November 2018 22:00 /

Today, I found out that while I was at college, my brother downloaded three terabytes of porn on my laptop and blamed it on me. My parents believed him. FML

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By Scapegoat - / Saturday 17 November 2018 13:30 /

Today, I finally spent the night with a new guy after recently ending a 3-year toxic relationship. The new guy disappeared for 2 hours in the middle of the night, then came back to bed. Turns out he was busy snogging my housemate. I really choose them well. FML

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By Nutty - / Friday 16 November 2018 22:00 /

Today, I met an old friend, who accidentally revealed he once met my wife in a club. They were both drunk and she let him have anal sex with her for a fiver in a club toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - / Friday 16 November 2018 05:00 /

FML

Nearly

Today...I woke up only to find out that I had gotten so drunk the night before and taken home 3 guys. I don't know what happened but everything hurts....

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Today... I realized that I’ve consistently been ghosted by every guy that I’ve had decent conversations with in the past month ...FML

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Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Australia

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Spicy

Today I found out why my inlaws hate me so much. Apparently my husband told his brother, who then told the entire family, he caught me cheating a while...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

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