FML : Intimacy, Your everyday life stories

Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Monday 22 October 2018 03:00 /

World

Bosnia and Herzegovina

Today, I had to go to the hospital because I broke my leg in a sex accident. The doctor is my boyfriend's mom. I had to explain everything to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By slaya - / Sunday 21 October 2018 13:30 / Bosnia and Herzegovina - Visoko

World

Australia

Today, my fiancée and I saw my parents at a store. This would've been a nice surprise if it wasn't a sex shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Fuckkkk - / Saturday 20 October 2018 14:00 / Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, I was watching a TV show with my 7-year-old niece. A scene came on where the main character was being tortured, and the one torturing him said "I'm gonna make you scream." Without hesitating, I said, "Oh, kinky." My niece turned to me and asked, "What does kinky mean?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Lily Cakes - / Friday 19 October 2018 20:00 / United States - Clarksville

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Friday 19 October 2018 14:00 /

Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By ToothHurtyAM - / Thursday 18 October 2018 05:00 /

Today, I drove over 3 hours to hook up with a guy I've been talking to for a couple of months. When we start having sex, he lasted less than a minute, and then couldn't get it up again afterwards. I slept uncomfortably the entire night on his twin bed while he snored. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Grace - / Wednesday 17 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming her, because the camera was moving and definitely not on a tripod. I know I never recorded a video of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Monday 15 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, I actually said the words "yes, a blowjob from a guy is still cheating" to my husband. I never thought that would be a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Sunday 14 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, a creepy-looking guy asked me if I "like bananas" and I said no. He then followed with "Do you want to taste my banana?" Shocked by his boldness, I froze. My boyfriend, who had heard the entire exchange, just laughed and walked off, leaving me with the creeper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

InnocenceBlue Say more :

Hi guys, OP here. I am no longer with this guy, for many reasons but this was a huge one. Not the first time something like this has happened. To answer any queries, I have anxiety, mainly towards surprises/shocks and this was one hell of a surprise. My ex knew I have "issues" and disappeared into the crowd (this was at a nightclub) knowing I wasn't following. Thanks for the funny replies and support...

By InnocenceBlue - / Saturday 13 October 2018 18:50 /