By Anonymous - 7/2/2020 12:00 - Canada - Edmonton New one Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML I agree, your life sucks 3148 You deserved it 410 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "QueenCortana Tiffany Turner" - 7/2/2020 14:00 Temper tantrum Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML I agree, your life sucks 2138 You deserved it 265 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By billjoebob424 - 7/2/2020 01:00 - Canada My pleasure Today, I've realised that I give my girlfriend more pleasure with back rubs than with anything sexual. FML I agree, your life sucks 2096 You deserved it 664 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/2/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne Session done! Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML I agree, your life sucks 2118 You deserved it 303 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 2/2/2020 18:00 Don't worry dad Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML I agree, your life sucks 3010 You deserved it 447 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JerryClark - 2/2/2020 14:00 - United States - San Bernardino So beautiful! Today, my best female friend sent me a nude to make sure it looked good before she sent it to the guy she likes. FML I agree, your life sucks 2667 You deserved it 489 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 30/1/2020 20:00 Someone else Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML I agree, your life sucks 3805 You deserved it 328 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By got got - 30/1/2020 14:00 Great help Today, I just moved in with my friend and had my brother help with the move. Later that night both my brother and my friend wouldn't let me sleep because of how loud the sex was. FML I agree, your life sucks 2139 You deserved it 279 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Wifewithquestions - 26/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Clarksville Mysterious Today, I found male enhancers hidden in the back of the car, which I'm assuming are my husband's, but we haven't been having sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 2484 You deserved it 330 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 24/1/2020 14:00 Fact of scratching Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML I agree, your life sucks 3149 You deserved it 257 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alerra - 20/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Baton Rouge Not mine Today, my roommate's parents came over to our one room apartment. They found condom wrappers. My roommate tried to say they were mine. I'm still a virgin. FML I agree, your life sucks 2167 You deserved it 222 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 19/1/2020 18:00 Romantic gesture Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML I agree, your life sucks 6032 You deserved it 247 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By need not know - 19/1/2020 05:00 Still married Today, while fixing my dad's phone, I saw Tinder installed. He's still married to my mum. FML I agree, your life sucks 2816 You deserved it 211 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/1/2020 18:00 Strange flight Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML I agree, your life sucks 3098 You deserved it 253 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ihmmil - 18/1/2020 14:00 Belly Finger Today, my husband was trying to be sexy. He asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger"! Major mood kill. FML I agree, your life sucks 2285 You deserved it 291 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 17/1/2020 20:00 After shower Today, my sister snuck into the bathroom while I was in the shower (the locks broke) and took my clothes and towels. I came out and quickly went to my room. As I went in, my sister was sitting on my bed with two friends watching TV. I instantly covered up, but they saw everything. FML I agree, your life sucks 2521 You deserved it 241 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 16/1/2020 18:00 I am clumsy! Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML I agree, your life sucks 2243 You deserved it 2891 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By irulan - 14/1/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London Single shot Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML I agree, your life sucks 2396 You deserved it 552 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 10/1/2020 18:00 Volcanic eruption Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML I agree, your life sucks 3105 You deserved it 893 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By John Doe - 10/1/2020 05:00 Still the same Today, my mom showed to my girlfriend my naked baby photos. My girlfriend said, "Nothing’s changed." FML I agree, your life sucks 2520 You deserved it 321 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notaslut - 8/1/2020 22:00 - United States - Greeley Stay safe Today, I walked into my best friend's house and her mom threw a box of condoms at me and said, "Stay safe, slut." FML I agree, your life sucks 2505 You deserved it 557 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KindStranger - 4/1/2020 20:00 - United Kingdom - Shrewsbury Getting frisky Today, I was walking home when I thought I saw a man beating up a woman in a phone box, I opened the door and pulled the man of the woman, turns out they where just "getting frisky" FML I agree, your life sucks 1867 You deserved it 493 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Perry85 - 4/1/2020 05:00 Once again Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I said the wrong name in bed. On top of that it was the name of her ex-husband's ex-girlfriend. Who he cheated on my girlfriend with while they were together. FML I agree, your life sucks 831 You deserved it 3076 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 2/1/2020 18:00 Hard to believe Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 4066 You deserved it 522 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anon - 28/12/2019 05:00 - United States - La Puente Awkward conversation Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML I agree, your life sucks 2396 You deserved it 339 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 26/12/2019 01:00 The girl? Today, my mate was bragging about the nudes he was getting from this random girl, he proceeded to show me... It was my cousin. FML I agree, your life sucks 2419 You deserved it 238 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 22/12/2019 18:00 Travel gift Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan. So I bought her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML I agree, your life sucks 1148 You deserved it 2678 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "princessmia" - 13/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Sequim Felt so bad Today, my little brother played my phone, and then accidentally sent a nude photo of mine to our step-dad, and now I have to spend all day with him and my mom on a road trip. FML I agree, your life sucks 1070 You deserved it 2212 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hottytodday - 12/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxford Courtesy visit Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML I agree, your life sucks 2254 You deserved it 310 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Perry85 - 10/12/2019 05:00 Not my turn Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she says "Don't cum in me, my husband has plans for later." FML I agree, your life sucks 2983 You deserved it 919 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today I was told by my supervisor that I had to complete my flu vaccination since it was way overdue. I go to our local pharmacy since I work in a hospital... I agree, your life sucks 9 You deserved it 26 0 Comments
Today, being away from my fiance I decided to send a raunchy recording to him. Right as I hit send he brought up religion and never listened to the recording.... I agree, your life sucks 18 You deserved it 4 0 Comments
Today, I got my period. I was going to have my first threesome tomorrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 389 You deserved it 140 3 Comments
Today, I was patiently explaining to my boyfriend what I liked in bed, after several weeks of unsatisfactory sex. He snapped at me and said, "80% of women... I agree, your life sucks 959 You deserved it 88 12 Comments