Intimacy, the best funniest jokes

441

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after finding out that I opened an Onlyfans account. FML

By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 02:00

Honest day's work

291

2122

Today, I have been married for nearly 16 years. I've not had sex in over three years. My wife spends all hours chatting and gaming online with friends, and when she finally crashes into bed, she just goes to sleep. FML

By Anonymous - 23/2/2021 17:01

Desperate man

825

112

Today, I'd always been scared of meeting someone from Tinder, so I was really reassured when my first Tinder date went really well. I kept seeing the guy. He then gave me herpes. FML

By Anonymous - 23/2/2021 00:30

Infectious laugh

768

260

Today, I found out that the pills my doctor prescribed for my ED cause severe side effects and I have to stop taking them. So much for my sex life. FML

By Anonymous - 22/2/2021 23:01

Between a rock and a not-so-hard place

648

Today, I found a video of my fiance staring into the camera while deep-throating a dildo, and then putting it other places. I have no idea who/what it was for, or how to talk to him about this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his disinterest in me lately. FML

By Anonymous - 22/2/2021 00:30

Man of mystery

1254

Today, while having sex with my husband, I was tired so a lot more of a starfish than I usually am. My husband came sooner and harder than he ever had, and declared it the best sex we've had. FML

By WhyBother - 21/2/2021 05:02

Starfish

737

214

Today, I'm worried senseless over my mom who's in hospital in an induced coma due to COVID-19, and my boyfriend complains that I don't want to have sex with him as often as he wants. FML

By Anonymous - 20/2/2021 19:58 - Czech Republic - Prostejov

Time to ditch

1032

Today, I had amazing sex with my new boyfriend. Later, my husband told me I'd betrayed him, even though he had told me it was okay, because he heard it. I’ve been forced to hear to him through the thin walls of our house, having sex with my ex, for almost a year. FML

By wtf - 20/2/2021 05:01

Polyamory is complicated

643

1203

Today, I casually hooked up with a guy with no strings attached. Later, we had a great conversation and I suddenly realized that I have feelings for him. He wants nothing even close to a relationship and probably doesn't like me back. FML

By Messy love life - 19/2/2021 12:31 - India

Just ask

316

936

Today, I learned that my mother-in-law gives better head than my wife. How? It wasn't from my experience, but thanks to a casual conversation with my father. FML

By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 19:02 - Mexico - Mexico

Weird flex, but OK

1025

121

Today, after months of celibacy due to being utterly single in this pandemic, I finally got to look a man in the eyes while being deepthroated. Oh. I wasn't gagging on his penis, no no, it was on a Covid test swab. FML

By Anonymous - 15/2/2021 21:21 - Canada - Kamloops

Deep Throat

1128

252

Hey, OP here! Hahaha ,fortunately I had the choice to get the nasal or the throat swab and I chose throat! No deep nasal fucking here!

kahaney tells us more :

By Anonymous - 14/2/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Thanks mom

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

779

Today, I felt an intense pain in my abdomen, so my mom drove me to the hospital. When we were in the waiting room, she rudely said, "It's probably an STD since you're such a slut." And then she left me there. It was a kidney infection. FML

By Imnotfromhere - 13/2/2021 05:01

Great mom you got there

1504

116

Today, I was texting my boyfriend while in the car with my family. He sent a particularly racy text, and my little sister happened to look over at my phone and then asked quite loudly, "What does anal mean?” FML

By Anonymous - 12/2/2021 23:01

434

826

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

By Randy Candy - 12/2/2021 17:01 - United States

Poor pillow

941

204

Today, when I woke up, I thought I’d be sexy by waking my girlfriend with oral sex. Still half asleep, she said, “Robert, stop it that tickles.” My name is Linda, we’re a lesbian couple who've never expressed interest in men, so who the fuck is Robert? FML

By Lindy - 10/2/2021 03:58 - United Kingdom

Morning surprise

1464

361

Today, my husband told me he doesn't see me in a sexual light. Too bad we've only been married for 3 months. FML

By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 17:02 - United States - Herndon

That was quick

1036

Today, my sister slept with my boyfriend while I was at work providing for the both of them as well as our child. I let her move in after our mother kicked her out. FML

By Anonymous - 6/2/2021 16:01 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Gratitude walks

1227

116

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because there was “something missing”, which was the lack of sex we had because she didn’t feel good about her body. Less than three hours after crushing my heart, she posted about how hard it will be to have a "hoe phase" during a pandemic. FML

By Anonymous - 5/2/2021 00:30

Set phasers to stun

1151

113

Today, my wife threw up in the middle of sex, then fell asleep right after. I didn't even finish and it'd been over a month since the last time. FML

By Anonymous - 3/2/2021 01:01 - Mexico - Iztacalco

That's… sexy

847

250

Today, I received my first dick pic from my boyfriend. Problem is, we broke up 3 weeks ago and his next message said, "Oops, sorry, wrong person." FML

By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Thanks, I hate it

856

120

Today, after we had sex for the first time, my boyfriend shouted, “Huzzah! My genes will live on!” We used a condom. FML

By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 00:30

Not a biology major

792

165

Today, my ex-boyfriend is still stalking me after several years. I asked him why he doesn't just move on and let me be. He replied that I drove him crazy one time when we were intimate. FML

By Anonymous - 31/1/2021 16:59

No one is that good in bed, surely

821

Today, my boyfriend said he regrets loving or even meeting me because of the distance between us, and because I won't send nudes. FML

By Anonymous - 29/1/2021 17:01 - Panama - Cuba

Send nudes

783

224

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend. Two weeks before Valentine's day. She expects me to buy her a present because we've known each other for a while, and apparently thinks it's more than a drunk hookup. FML

By Anonymous - 29/1/2021 05:01

Rookie mistake

269

1395

Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea. She called me a jealous bastard who can't get laid. FML

By Really jealous - 26/1/2021 09:31 - India

Creeped out

1169

178

Today, I had a bad fight with my brother. He started screaming at me, then I hear, "Sam your mic is unmuted." The fight was about him telling my dad that I'm pansexual. I came out to my whole class and my dad. By accident. FML

By Anonymous - 25/1/2021 20:01

Zoom will end us all

770

411

Today, my ex-girlfriend called me say she needed her car repaired. I fixed it as fast as I could so she could get back on her way, only to find out she’s on her way to my friend's place to have her guts rearranged. FML

By Brenden - 25/1/2021 13:59

Sucker

714

559