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By Anonymous - 25/2/2021 08:01 - United States - Gloucester

Weird family

  Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML
I agree, your life sucks
16
You deserved it
2
0 Comments
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By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 17:00 - United States

Benny Goodman classic

  Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks
441
You deserved it
56
5 Comments
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By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 02:00

Honest day's work

  Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after finding out that I opened an Onlyfans account. FML
I agree, your life sucks
291
You deserved it
2122
12 Comments
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By Anonymous - 23/2/2021 17:01

Desperate man

  Today, I have been married for nearly 16 years. I've not had sex in over three years. My wife spends all hours chatting and gaming online with friends, and when she finally crashes into bed, she just goes to sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks
825
You deserved it
112
6 Comments
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By Anonymous - 23/2/2021 00:30

Infectious laugh

  Today, I'd always been scared of meeting someone from Tinder, so I was really reassured when my first Tinder date went really well. I kept seeing the guy. He then gave me herpes. FML
I agree, your life sucks
768
You deserved it
260
7 Comments
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By Anonymous - 22/2/2021 23:01

Between a rock and a not-so-hard place

  Today, I found out that the pills my doctor prescribed for my ED cause severe side effects and I have to stop taking them. So much for my sex life. FML
I agree, your life sucks
648
You deserved it
74
2 Comments
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By Anonymous - 22/2/2021 00:30

Man of mystery

  Today, I found a video of my fiance staring into the camera while deep-throating a dildo, and then putting it other places. I have no idea who/what it was for, or how to talk to him about this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his disinterest in me lately. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1254
You deserved it
99
11 Comments
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By WhyBother - 21/2/2021 05:02

Starfish

  Today, while having sex with my husband, I was tired so a lot more of a starfish than I usually am. My husband came sooner and harder than he ever had, and declared it the best sex we've had. FML
I agree, your life sucks
737
You deserved it
214
6 Comments
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By Anonymous - 20/2/2021 19:58 - Czech Republic - Prostejov

Time to ditch

  Today, I'm worried senseless over my mom who's in hospital in an induced coma due to COVID-19, and my boyfriend complains that I don't want to have sex with him as often as he wants. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1032
You deserved it
98
7 Comments
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By wtf - 20/2/2021 05:01

Polyamory is complicated

  Today, I had amazing sex with my new boyfriend. Later, my husband told me I'd betrayed him, even though he had told me it was okay, because he heard it. I’ve been forced to hear to him through the thin walls of our house, having sex with my ex, for almost a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks
643
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1203
10 Comments
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By Messy love life - 19/2/2021 12:31 - India

Just ask

  Today, I casually hooked up with a guy with no strings attached. Later, we had a great conversation and I suddenly realized that I have feelings for him. He wants nothing even close to a relationship and probably doesn't like me back. FML
I agree, your life sucks
316
You deserved it
936
9 Comments
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By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 19:02 - Mexico - Mexico

Weird flex, but OK

  Today, I learned that my mother-in-law gives better head than my wife. How? It wasn't from my experience, but thanks to a casual conversation with my father. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1025
You deserved it
121
7 Comments
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By Anonymous - 15/2/2021 21:21 - Canada - Kamloops

Deep Throat

  Today, after months of celibacy due to being utterly single in this pandemic, I finally got to look a man in the eyes while being deepthroated. Oh. I wasn't gagging on his penis, no no, it was on a Covid test swab. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1128
You deserved it
252
9 Comments
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kahaney tells us more :
Hey, OP here! Hahaha ,fortunately I had the choice to get the nasal or the throat swab and I chose throat! No deep nasal fucking here!
By Anonymous - 14/2/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Thanks mom

  Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks
779
You deserved it
75
2 Comments
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By Imnotfromhere - 13/2/2021 05:01

Great mom you got there

  Today, I felt an intense pain in my abdomen, so my mom drove me to the hospital. When we were in the waiting room, she rudely said, "It's probably an STD since you're such a slut." And then she left me there. It was a kidney infection. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1504
You deserved it
116
6 Comments
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By Anonymous - 12/2/2021 23:01
  Today, I was texting my boyfriend while in the car with my family. He sent a particularly racy text, and my little sister happened to look over at my phone and then asked quite loudly, "What does anal mean?” FML
I agree, your life sucks
434
You deserved it
826
4 Comments
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By Randy Candy - 12/2/2021 17:01 - United States

Poor pillow

  Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
I agree, your life sucks
941
You deserved it
204
2 Comments
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By Lindy - 10/2/2021 03:58 - United Kingdom

Morning surprise

  Today, when I woke up, I thought I’d be sexy by waking my girlfriend with oral sex. Still half asleep, she said, “Robert, stop it that tickles.” My name is Linda, we’re a lesbian couple who've never expressed interest in men, so who the fuck is Robert? FML
I agree, your life sucks
1464
You deserved it
361
12 Comments
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By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 17:02 - United States - Herndon

That was quick

  Today, my husband told me he doesn't see me in a sexual light. Too bad we've only been married for 3 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1036
You deserved it
79
8 Comments
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By Anonymous - 6/2/2021 16:01 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Gratitude walks

  Today, my sister slept with my boyfriend while I was at work providing for the both of them as well as our child. I let her move in after our mother kicked her out. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1227
You deserved it
116
13 Comments
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By Anonymous - 5/2/2021 00:30

Set phasers to stun

  Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because there was “something missing”, which was the lack of sex we had because she didn’t feel good about her body. Less than three hours after crushing my heart, she posted about how hard it will be to have a "hoe phase" during a pandemic. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1151
You deserved it
113
4 Comments
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By Anonymous - 3/2/2021 01:01 - Mexico - Iztacalco

That's… sexy

  Today, my wife threw up in the middle of sex, then fell asleep right after. I didn't even finish and it'd been over a month since the last time. FML
I agree, your life sucks
847
You deserved it
250
8 Comments
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By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Thanks, I hate it

  Today, I received my first dick pic from my boyfriend. Problem is, we broke up 3 weeks ago and his next message said, "Oops, sorry, wrong person." FML
I agree, your life sucks
856
You deserved it
120
7 Comments
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By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 00:30

Not a biology major

  Today, after we had sex for the first time, my boyfriend shouted, “Huzzah! My genes will live on!” We used a condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks
792
You deserved it
165
9 Comments
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By Anonymous - 31/1/2021 16:59

No one is that good in bed, surely

  Today, my ex-boyfriend is still stalking me after several years. I asked him why he doesn't just move on and let me be. He replied that I drove him crazy one time when we were intimate. FML
I agree, your life sucks
821
You deserved it
91
5 Comments
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By Anonymous - 29/1/2021 17:01 - Panama - Cuba

Send nudes

  Today, my boyfriend said he regrets loving or even meeting me because of the distance between us, and because I won't send nudes. FML
I agree, your life sucks
783
You deserved it
224
1 Comments
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By Anonymous - 29/1/2021 05:01

Rookie mistake

  Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend. Two weeks before Valentine's day. She expects me to buy her a present because we've known each other for a while, and apparently thinks it's more than a drunk hookup. FML
I agree, your life sucks
269
You deserved it
1395
4 Comments
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By Really jealous - 26/1/2021 09:31 - India

Creeped out

  Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea. She called me a jealous bastard who can't get laid. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1169
You deserved it
178
8 Comments
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By Anonymous - 25/1/2021 20:01

Zoom will end us all

Today, I had a bad fight with my brother. He started screaming at me, then I hear, "Sam your mic is unmuted." The fight was about him telling my dad that I'm pansexual. I came out to my whole class and my dad. By accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks
770
You deserved it
411
3 Comments
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By Brenden - 25/1/2021 13:59

Sucker

  Today, my ex-girlfriend called me say she needed her car repaired. I fixed it as fast as I could so she could get back on her way, only to find out she’s on her way to my friend's place to have her guts rearranged. FML
I agree, your life sucks
714
You deserved it
559
7 Comments
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Next
Nearly  
Today, I went in to get a shot for a migraine to find out I'm 17 weeks pregnant... I am almost 40 and my tubes are tied. FML
I agree, your life sucks
39
You deserved it
3
0 Comments
Today, my girlfriend went mad at me after watching the Captain America Civil War movie. Why? I chose Iron Man's side and she chose Captain America's side....
I agree, your life sucks
6
You deserved it
2
1 Comments
See all the Nearly FMLs
  Spicy
  Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML
I agree, your life sucks
16
You deserved it
2
0 Comments
  Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks
441
You deserved it
56
5 Comments
See all the Spicy FMLs

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