Intimacy, Your everyday life stories

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Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

By Anonymous - 20/7/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

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Today, an old woman came into my store for help. Towards the end, she asked me my name. I told her while pointing at my name tag. She then replied, "Oh! I didn't notice since I was staring at your boobs. Much prettier to look at." Sadly, this is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

By LonelyCashier - 11/7/2019 20:00

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Today, my wife fell asleep. I was giving her head at the time. Her snoring gave it away. FML

By SadOral - 3/7/2019 00:01

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Today, I got diarrhea. During sex. I didn’t even make it out of the bed. FML

By oopsie - 1/5/2019 20:00

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Today, I got fired from my job at a library for hitting an old man with a book. In my defence, I had asked him about a massive water stain on a book he'd returned. He told me it was his cum, wanted to know if it excited me and then tried to touch my boobs. Dirty old pervert. FML

By Jen - 30/4/2019 20:00

Throw the book at him

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Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML

By not that kinda squirting - 30/4/2019 14:00

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Today, while having sex with my wife, I got a sudden leg cramp. While sliding off the bed, I found a sewing needle. With my ball sack. I ended up with a one-inch gash. FML

By Kmcc - 22/4/2019 12:00

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Today, I was Whatsapping my boyfriend, as I am away for work. Before talking to him, I texted my work group I wasn’t feeling well after they invited me out. As I was chatting with what I thought was my boyfriend, I said, “I want your penis inside me.” And then realized I'd texted my work group. FML

By Cat - 12/4/2019 19:00 - Greece - Athens

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Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

By Dockin - 14/2/2019 15:37 - India

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Today, while on vacation with my siblings and the horde of nieces and nephews, me and hubby managed to sneak in a quickie. It was a quickie alright. Ihe first time in our marriage he blew his load after 2 strokes because he was afraid of being interrupted. FML

By dragonstooth257 - 3/2/2019 12:00

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Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

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Today, my husband left his cellphone unlocked so I decided to go through it. I found 10 texts threads from 10 different women, one of them from my 18 year old sister who was sending him nude pictures. FML

By Anonymous - 27/12/2018 04:00

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML

By - 24/12/2018 12:00

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

By Unlucky - 19/12/2018 02:00 - United Kingdom - Bagworth

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Today, I was messaging memes back and forth with one of my female coworkers and I accidentally sent a junk pic. FML

By Varnpike - 18/12/2018 03:00

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Today, I had the misfortune of getting my period during another exam. And yes, the male professor also noticed this time. FML

By "1DisGR8" - 16/12/2018 09:30 - Canada - Toronto

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Today, in front of my friends, my mom came after me with a pair of tweezers exclaiming "there's just a couple of hairs on your chin that need to be plucked." I'm a 14 year old girl. FML

By "linzi1771" - 15/12/2018 05:00 - Canada - Vancouver

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Today, someone broke the flush on the toilet in the only female bathroom in the office, and didn’t leave either a note or out of order sign. The broken flush became very apparent, however, after I was unable to flush the vile smelling deposit I’d left in there. FML

By Oops - 9/12/2018 14:00

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Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML

By - 7/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Huntsville

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Today, I realized that my husband's preferred sexual activities not only don't require me to take off my clothes, but go much better for him when I don't. He doesn't get why this makes me self-conscious about getting naked in front of him... FML

By - 4/12/2018 15:00 - United States - Saint Joseph

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Today, at 30 years old, my wife asked why I'm circumcised when my parents aren't religious. I didn't know I was circumcised. FML

By JWags - 4/12/2018 05:00

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Today, I called my husband's mistress to confront her. Her husband answered and immediately began hitting on me. He asked what was taking me so long to join their circle and if I was as into dp as his wife is. I don’t know whether to vomit from rage or disgust. FML

By what the fuck?! - 2/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Hesperia

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Today, I thought I'd take advantage of the lovely weather and sunbake topless in my grandmother's back yard. My grandma went up the street to do some shopping and didn’t tell me that men were coming to mow the lawn. I was laying on my back. FML

By NotHappyJan - 3/12/2018 03:00

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Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and then going to her place, not only did she not want sex, she also wanted me to leave and told me she never wanted to see me again. FML

By IDon’tKnowAnymore - 2/12/2018 08:00 - Canada - Ottawa

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Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML

By Anonymous - 1/12/2018 06:05

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Today, I was going to have sex for the first time, but when my girlfriend and I got naked, I couldn't get it up. I eventually got hard but it involved me thinking about the time I accidentally saw my girlfriend's brother naked. I think I may be gay. FML

By Anonymous - 29/11/2018 23:00 - Canada - Richmond Hill

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Today, I got on an elevator with a couple that started fighting about which sex outfit the guy should wear for their next roleplay. When they couldn't decide, they proceeded to show me all of the photos, including a My Little Pony outfit. I had to go up the next 22 floors with them. FML

By poorpony - 29/11/2018 14:00

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Today, it's my 2-year wedding anniversary. It also marks 2 years since my wife told me, "We're married now we don't need to have sex anymore." FML

By Sapphire Mills - 28/11/2018 13:30

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Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

By Superdumb - 26/11/2018 03:00

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