FML : Intimacy, Your everyday life stories

Today, I found out that I’m the only guy in my family that's circumcised. When I asked my parents why they did it, they told me that they wanted me to be “different”. I have 3 older brothers and 5 older cousins. I finally get their helmet jokes. FML

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By Why Dad? - / Saturday 21 October 2017 00:00 / Canada - Ajax

Not helping.

Today, my neighbor's pesky 7-year-old daughter, who is friends with the guy I really like, decided to help me with him. She used her phone to send him a picture of me. I was in the shower, completely naked and surprised. FML

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By child abused - / Thursday 19 October 2017 00:00 / United States - New York

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 17 October 2017 06:00 / United States

World

Canada

Today, during a romantic shower with my girlfriend, I slipped, fell, and took the both the shower curtain and rod with me. My dignity hurts more than my butt. FML

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By "Alex Neiva" - / Monday 16 October 2017 19:30 / Canada - Toronto

World

United Kingdom

Harsh.

Today, I thought I was going to get lucky with my girlfriend. Instead, I learned that she thought I was an ugly, masculine girl. All of our "dates" had been her taking me out to improve her chances when looking for guys. FML

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You deserved it

By Peridot - / Monday 16 October 2017 19:00 / United Kingdom - London

Today, it's been a year since my wife and I moved to our new house, and 3 months since she ordered a new king-sized bed. I still don't know what the bed feels like, but I have an awesome relationship with the couch. FML

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Ghost563412 Say more :

OP here. To address some confusion: I don't sleep in the same bed (or room, for that matter) because I apparently snore like a rusty chainsaw. We moved into our new place a year ago with an old beat up bed, she ordered a new bed while I was out of state working 4 months ago now. To further clarify, I've napped in the bed once, and we do use it for purposes other than sleeping. However, she has to...

By MarriedSingleGuy - / Monday 16 October 2017 19:16 /

Today, it was my best friend's birthday, so we all went out for drinks. She had a little too much and needed to be picked up so I opened her phone and called "bae." That's when I found out that not only does my husband have a second phone, but he's also cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

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You deserved it

By "missunknowno9" - / Monday 16 October 2017 13:00 /

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my phone rang. We continued to have sex while I took the call. It was my gyno calling to tell me that I tested positive for chlamydia and that I needed to tell my partner. Yeah, sex ended real quick. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 14 October 2017 06:00 /

If you don't have anything nice to say...

Today, I engaged in a healthy round of rebound sex to get over my ex, who was very controlling of my body. During the act, Mr. Rebound said my nipples looked like pepperoni. FML

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You deserved it

By Insecure - / Wednesday 11 October 2017 01:00 / Canada - Halifax

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying that last night was awesome. When I said, "What do you mean?" he answered, "Come on Jess, I bet you can't stand straight." My name is Britney, but my friend's name is Jessica. FML

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You deserved it

By Hufflepuff girl - / Tuesday 10 October 2017 11:54 /

Today, the guy I've been seeing bought me a nice bottle of wine and cooked dinner for me. Later, we started having sex for the first time. All was going well until he ran to the bathroom mid-sex and I had to listen to him with explosive diarrhea. The worst part is, he wanted to keep going after. FML

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You deserved it

westie732 Say more :

Hey, OP here! I've been reading the comments and thought I'd chime in. First off, I want to make it very clear that I am mature enough to realize that these things happen! We all do it, and sometimes it doesn't happen as conveniently as we wish. I work in health care and have been in some, excuse my pun, shitty situations... So, I get it. In no way shape or form did I call him out, make him feel...

By westie732 - / Monday 9 October 2017 06:00 / United States - Pickerington