Your everyday life stories

261

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML

By Samantha K - 19/10/2020 20:08

Break time

699

Today, I found out my husband of 8 years has been cheating on me, so I decided to let the lady's husband know that she was unfaithful as well. His response was that I ruined his day. This has ruined mine and my kids lives. FML

By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 17:01

Relativity

783

Today, I found out there's nothing like getting dumped and then receiving an inadvertent Snapchat sext from your ex-girlfriend that was intended for her new boyfriend, on what would have been your anniversary. FML

By LLP - 15/10/2020 17:01 - United States

Freudian slip

1138

Today, my 27-year-old boyfriend told me he hides our condoms in his Poké Ball. FML

By Anonymous - 14/10/2020 09:01 - Canada - Fredericton

Practical

722

351

Today, I walked in on my parents, who are in their late 50s, having sex. That's not the worst part, it's understandable; we all have needs. However, I walked in on them doing it on my bed. FML

By Anonymous - 14/10/2020 02:01

Boundaries

1257

101

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a little fun when the pull-out couch decided to try to eat us. Now I have a broken nose and my boyfriend keeps making jokes about the "human eating couch." FML

By smurfette7413 - 13/10/2020 05:01

Monster couch

860

132

Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML

By ??? - 12/10/2020 08:00 - United States

Tiger King

1070

173

Today, as punishment for a prank, my girlfriend has banned all forms of sex, kissing or touching for the foreseeable future. She’s also started stripping as soon as she gets home and walking around in just her thong, or sometimes even completely naked, just to make my suffering worse. FML

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 08:01

When pranks go wrong

537

1812

Today, my boyfriend of one week kissed my stomach and began speaking to our "baby." We haven't had sex yet. In fact, I'm still a virgin. FML

By Jenna - 12/10/2020 02:02

Jumping the gun

1109

Today my mother, who was once shocked to realise that my older sister was having unmarried sex, told me to go and 'get some' because it's good for my health. I'm asexual. FML

By Anonymous - 11/10/2020 15:02 - Estonia

I don't wanna

874

251

Today, my girl and I with got caught having sex in the car by cops. They thought we were smoking bongs because the windows were foggy. FML

By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 11:01

Honest mistake

688

609

Today, as a millennial, I had to explain to a baby boomer why he needs to use condoms when having sex with his 25-year-old girlfriend. FML

By WhatJustHappened - 9/10/2020 14:02 - United States

Some people just never learn

1005

141

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I’d feel comfortable pegging him. I had no idea what that meant, so I had to look it up. I tried to keep an open mind but it was just too far outside my comfort zone. Now he’s sulking and complaining about me being a prude. FML

By Peggy Peggerson - 9/10/2020 02:03 - United States

It's the new craze!

954

304

Today, my wife gave me the green light to have sex with other women. She beat the cancer, but sex for her is now painful and she wasn't really interested in sex the last 10 years anyway. So why does my life suck? Because I don't want sex with anyone else. Now she's mad at me for making her feel guilty. FML

By fml9124 - 8/10/2020 10:01 - United States - Omaha

Tricky situation

1536

133

Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex, even my wet dreams are about doing it solo. FML

By DrySpellcaster - 7/10/2020 16:57

Get it on, bang a gong

942

149

Today, I learned that not only do I have bacterial vaginosis, but I ALSO have gonorrhea from a hookup. The only symptoms I'm having? Anal itching. FML

By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Carmichael

Smelly Finger Nights

522

891

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing for a few weeks is freaky. At her grandad's funeral, she got so upset she had to leave the room, only to drag me into the priest's office for a quick blowjob. Apparently, death turns her on. I had oral sex at a funeral. I’m going to Hell for sure. FML

By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 05:03

The other stage of grief

893

400

Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML

By xtilltheendx - 5/10/2020 20:08 - United States

Thin walls

447

1109

Today, I know it’s pathetic to cry after sex, so you can imagine how pathetic I feel when I cry after masturbating, because cleaning my vibrator afterwards just reminds me how long it’s been since I had a man, and how lonely I am. FML

By Anonymous - 5/10/2020 14:02

Let it out

1055

383

Today, my boyfriend refused to have sex with me because I have ass acne. The reason I have ass acne is from working out to lose weight. I was trying to lose weight because he wouldn't have sex with me because I was too fat. I can't win. FML

By grotesque sexy - 5/10/2020 02:02 - United States - Portland

Body shaming ain't cool

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438

Today, according to my emotionally distant boyfriend, stopping by a whorehouse on his way home several nights a week for a quick blowjob isn’t cheating, because it involves cash and no intimacy afterwards. Dumped his ass real quick. FML

By Anonymous - 4/10/2020 14:01

Bye bye love

1519

138

Today, I found out my boyfriend of six years, with whom I wanted to spend my life with, has been cheating behind my back with my friend. The kicker? They met after I invited her to live with us to get away from her chaotic family, and I suspected she was emotionally stunted at the time. FML

By Anonymous - 1/10/2020 05:01

Classic story

1066

154

Today, I could hear my parents having sex from the other end of my house. My mom set the stove on fire because she forgot she was cooking. FML

By grooveshark - 30/9/2020 20:01

Quiet down!

1045

Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML

By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 23:01

"I'm horny, horny horny horny"

289

2388

Today, I was showing my mum how to use eBay. Unfortunately I didn't notice my recent purchase history was on display: a huge black dildo; a jockstrap and a bong amongst them. Of course, she did. FML

By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 02:04 - Australia

Online shopping

402

1136

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating. I thought it was hot and asked if I could join in. He threw me a disgusted look and screamed that I’d ruined the whole mood. Now we’re both unsatisfied. FML

By no action Jackson - 27/9/2020 20:02 - United States - Hesperia

What a wanker

1355

130

Today, I lost my virginity. Today, I also learned how to fake an orgasm. Twice. FML

By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 08:03 - United Kingdom - Bristol

New skills

914

965

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML

By Anonymous - 26/9/2020 14:02 - United States

Thanks, I hate it!

902

387

Today, I found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend when she walked into his bedroom while we were having sex. I didn't drive there, so I'm now sitting in his car while they fight. It's been two hours since she got home. FML

By sideGirl - 26/9/2020 10:01 - United States - Lancaster

Side piece

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163