FML : Your everyday life stories

Today I found out why my inlaws hate me so much. Apparently my husband told his brother, who then told the entire family, he caught me cheating a while back. My husband’s idea of “cheating” was me using my vibrator and watching porn while he was gone. Didn’t know I could cheat with myself. FML

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By not a cheater! - / Wednesday 27 February 2019 14:00 /

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

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By Dockin - / Thursday 14 February 2019 15:37 / India

Today, my husband left his cellphone unlocked so I decided to go through it. I found 10 texts threads from 10 different women, one of them from my 18 year old sister who was sending him nude pictures. FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

By Anonymous - / Thursday 27 December 2018 04:00 /

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

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By Unlucky - / Wednesday 19 December 2018 02:00 / United Kingdom - Bagworth

Today I was messaging memes back and forth with one of my female coworkers and I accidentally sent a junk pic'. FML

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By Varnpike - / Tuesday 18 December 2018 03:00 /

Today was the first time my husband came since getting a vasectomy. Not a big deal except he did not tell me that it’s common for men to pass out the first time they cum after the surgery. I thought my husband died from cumming for a solid minute. FML

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By Bro - / Monday 17 December 2018 22:00 / Japan

Today I realized my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me... FML

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By Helseac - / Monday 17 December 2018 03:00 /

Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl - / Saturday 15 December 2018 23:00 / United States - University Center

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

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By Anonymous - / Friday 14 December 2018 14:00 /

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

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By Anonymous - / Thursday 13 December 2018 15:30 /

Today I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said bye to him...only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML

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By - / Thursday 13 December 2018 03:00 /

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get it on. That's when the bell rang. He said, 'I'll just be back'. 5 minutes later, still no sign of him. I wrapped myself in a towel and went to the hall. Turns out his new PS4 had arrived. He said, 'I forgot you were here, sorry' and continued to play. FML

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By Mia - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 17:00 / India - Mumbai

Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML

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By "Lisa" - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 04:00 / Romania

Today my boyfriend went through my phone while I was in the bathroom to check if I was cheating...... I wasn't. He was looking for some leverage so when he told me he's been fucking my bestfriend for the last year, he could use something against me... FML

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By Ms.rain - / Friday 7 December 2018 12:30 /

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

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By Embarrassed - / Thursday 6 December 2018 03:00 /

Today me and my boyfriend were in an adventurous sexual position and as I started to orgasm he slipped, landed awkwardly and dislocated both my hips, while I was in the middle of an orgasm. Somehow the pleasure of the orgasm made the pain worse. I don't think I'll ever want sex again. FML

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By - / Wednesday 5 December 2018 21:00 / United Kingdom

Today, I realized that my husband's preferred sexual activities not only don't require me to take off my clothes, but go much better for him when I don't. He doesn't get why this makes me self-conscious about getting naked in front of him... FML

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By - / Tuesday 4 December 2018 15:00 / United States - Saint Joseph

Today at 30 years old, my wife asked why I'm circumcised when my parents aren't religious. I didn't know I was circumcised. FML

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By JWags - / Tuesday 4 December 2018 05:00 /

Today, it's my birthday. My husband hasn't slept with me in months. I am so humiliated every time I try to be intimate with him because I am only ever turned down. Tonight, he rubbed my leg and got mad when I fixed myself so I wouldn't be turned on. Apparently tonight was the night but I moved and ruined it. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 3 December 2018 16:00 / United States - Great Barrington

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

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By Jackmeister - / Saturday 3 November 2018 03:00 /

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming her, because the camera was moving and definitely not on a tripod. I know I never recorded a video of her. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 15 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 6 October 2018 21:00 / United States - Tallahassee

Today, I found out why my husband is suddenly uninterested in sex. Apparently one of the secretaries at work has finally turned 18, and it's pretty much an open secret among his coworkers that they fuck anywhere from 2 to 5 times a day. FML

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By Anonymous - / Thursday 4 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML

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By moerae - / Wednesday 3 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML

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By ToysforHire - / Saturday 22 September 2018 03:00 /

Today, after years of telling my boyfriend I don't do anal, I agreed to try it once just to get him to stop whining about it. He was so gung-ho that he tried to force it in without doing enough "relaxing preparation" and he split the muscle around my ring. Now I need surgery. FML

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By Anonymous - / Thursday 20 September 2018 03:00 /

Today, one of my residents was having super loud sex. I'm an RA in a college freshman dorm, and I had to knock on her door and tell her to quiet down. I hate to be a cock-block, but she woke multiple people up, myself included. I live 4 doors down the hall from her. FML

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By awkwardRA - / Wednesday 19 September 2018 03:30 /

W.T.F.

Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 15 September 2018 06:00 /

Today, I'm on new medication that has a side effect of keeping me awake all night. Now I get to listen to my parents having sex at 2am when they think I'm fast asleep. FYI, my dad likes being spanked and being told that he's a really bad boy who needs punishment. FML

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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 29 August 2018 06:00 /

Today, I found out just how close my boyfriend has been getting to our new neighbour's teenage son. I came home from work to find them on my bed and my "straight" boyfriend head down ass up. FML

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By Cantunsee - / Sunday 26 August 2018 06:00 /

FML

Nearly

Today...I woke up only to find out that I had gotten so drunk the night before and taken home 3 guys. I don't know what happened but everything hurts....

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Today... I realized that I’ve consistently been ghosted by every guy that I’ve had decent conversations with in the past month ...FML

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Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Australia

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Spicy

Today I found out why my inlaws hate me so much. Apparently my husband told his brother, who then told the entire family, he caught me cheating a while...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Spicy FMLs