Your everyday life stories

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Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML

By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 06:01

Boundaries, dude!

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Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML

By Anonymous - 12/9/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Oops, I Did It Again

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Today, my boyfriend was talking about video games. Bored of the subject, I started kissing his neck and chest in hopes of him to stop talking and getting some action. He did stop, only for him to say about a minute later, "You're lucky my games can't do this." FML

By Kilania - 10/9/2019 04:00

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Today, it'd been so long since I last had sex, I was jolted out of my sleep by a body shaking orgasm. I was sweaty and breathless, and it took me a moment to realize it had been a dream. It would've been great except the subject of my nocturnal ecstasy was Vanilla Ice. FML

By ice ice baby - 8/9/2019 07:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Two Scoops

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Today, I walked in on my 17 year-old son masturbating. He froze, raised his hand and tried to use the "force" to remove the memory. I'm regretting ever having let him watch Star Wars. FML

By Obi-Wan - 8/9/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Pink Lightsaber

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Today, my boyfriend headbutted me during sex. This wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time. FML

By Anonymous - 7/9/2019 02:02

Boom, headshot!

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Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing the "I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…" song before we had sex. Now, every time we have sex, that song is going to be in my head. FML

By Anonymous - 5/9/2019 22:02

Right Said Fred

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Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

By Anonymous - 5/9/2019 08:02 - United States - Staten Island

Date grape

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Today, my muscles are sore in my arm. I told my boyfriend I think I slept on it wrong. Truth is, it's from masturbation. He won't have sex until we're married. FML

By Lexi - 4/9/2019 12:00 - United States

Waiting For Godot 2: Electric Boogaloo

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Today, my dad and his new fiancée are like two love-sick bunnies. They start having sex immediately whenever I leave the house. Even when I take out the trash. FML

By mystupidname - 3/9/2019 14:00 - Denmark

Sixteen again

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Today, it's been so long since my husband has been able to give me an orgasm that when he finally did today, I started sobbing. FML

By oppsiedaisey - 2/9/2019 12:00

Finally!

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Today, I learned why you should never to use Sean Connery's voice when asking your girlfriend to sit on your face. FML

By semischweet - 1/9/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - London

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Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. All of the sudden, he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to hear a Minecraft joke?" FML

By kristajoy2001 - 1/9/2019 00:02

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Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker to have sex with me. FML

By Pugsley - 30/8/2019 14:02 - Australia

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Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML

By Juliett - 29/8/2019 19:00 - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

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Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, whom I have been with for 4 years. I've been in Australia for the last 2 months and before I left, he bought a box of 12 condoms, saying we would use them when I got back. We went to the bedroom and I opened the box. There was one left. FML

By Anonymous - 28/8/2019 16:00 - United States - Los Angeles

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Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for a second time. Then when I was getting dressed with him sitting there next to me, there was a silence. He thought to fill it, he'd grab my hand and fist-bump me. FML

By Kylee Day - 27/8/2019 06:00

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Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend is physically affectionate with me is when he wants to have sex. When I suggested we just cuddle, he looked at me and said, "What’s the point in that?" FML

By I need cuddles - 26/8/2019 20:00

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Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML

By notsohot - 25/8/2019 00:01

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Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

By katie - 23/8/2019 06:00 - United States - Chicago

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Today, my wife read a Facebook article about how oral sex can lead to mouth and/or throat infections, and is now avoiding all forms of sex, in case my penis happens to give her the bubonic plague. FML

By Anonymous - 22/8/2019 04:00

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Today, my date asked me if I enjoyed golden showers. We were in the middle of making out, and it was our first date, which I thought was going well. I guess when things seem too good to be true, they really are. FML

By CathyMary - 20/8/2019 22:00 - United States - New York

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Today, some guy sent a dickpic to my phone. I was disgusted, and wanted to find out who did it. I called the police, and they matched the number to my step father's new cellphone. FML

By rachele321 - 20/8/2019 02:00

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Today, I had to stand outside the changing room while two of my coworkers had noisy sex. I just needed my car keys. FML

By Anonymous - 19/8/2019 06:01

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Today, while on the train with my dad, my boyfriend sent me a message. It was a nude, and when I looked, my dad saw. FML

By thefuckedupbunny - 18/8/2019 20:00

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Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he finished before me. I thought that he was going to try and get hard again so we could continue. Unfortunately, he turned to me and said to me, "Don't worry, I'll re-spawn in a few minutes." I lost it completely. FML

By Anonymous - 18/8/2019 06:00

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Today, after my boyfriend told me I didn’t have to worry about the ex who kept commenting on his pictures, I saw him sexting her when I leaned forward to tell him something from the back of our friend's car. FML

By Anonymous - 17/8/2019 00:01

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Today, my girlfriend wanted to play a game call "bondage bingo," taking turns tying each other up in different positions, and if we can’t escape, we get to take a picture. Whoever gets the most pictures wins. After tying me to a chair, she ended up leaving me there for hours. FML

By ForeSight - 14/8/2019 16:00

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