Your everyday life stories

A tale as old as time

By GirlRepelant - 25/10/2021 20:00

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 32

Between a rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - 25/10/2021 04:59 - Canada - Enderby

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 34

Sex ed failed some of y'all

By jaya - 25/10/2021 05:00

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 68

Creepypasta

By CSU Ramming - 22/10/2021 22:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 150

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Victoria

Today, I accidentally forwarded a link to a weird fart porn video to my chat group. They've been silent for 30 minutes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 621

You deserved it 13 987

Be careful what you wish for

By cottage cheese-cunt - 21/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 315

Private

By E.. - 20/10/2021 20:00

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 189

Just say no

By Dan - 20/10/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 873

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00 - United States - Shingle Springs

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 78

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 171

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 2 028

It's not?

By 310 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 717

You deserved it 4 089

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 181

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 65

The Cheek!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, on my Facebook, the stripper my ex-husband cheated on me with showed up in the "People You May Know" box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 461

You deserved it 4 380

No thanks

By Pinsky - 13/10/2021 22:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out from my best friend’s text log that my friend group has been discussing doing swinger stuff, and they deliberately excluded my wife and I. When pressed, my former best friend said no one wanted to see us naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 486

Loose Women

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 22:59

Today, according to my husband of many years, he was actually planning to ghost me after our boring first date. It was only the fact that I shagged him senseless that night that kept him around long enough for us to actually get to know each other. Hooray for me being a "loose slut" back in 1998. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 355

Frittering it away

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 13:59

Today, I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years, and I just found out he has an OnlyFans, on which I found he messages girls, and talks to one specifically nearly regularly all year. I have no idea how much he's spent on there, but a lot: tips, requests, di** ratings. This is only a small part, and we just got a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 93

Get it on, get on with it

By WorkingBlind - 12/10/2021 23:00

Today, I was supposed to be working from home. Instead, I ended up taking the kids out to the park for the morning, because my wife “couldn’t even” today. When we got home, she had demolished two bottles of wine, and was masturbating to a home improvement show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 147

When nature calls

By ClaraB - 11/10/2021 23:01

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in a bathroom stall. Someone’s little brat had to come in and peek under the stall. She yelled, "Mommy there are two naked people in here!" Her mother bitched us out for, “ruining her daughter’s innocence." The cops were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 3 632

Could've been the One

By Courtney - 10/10/2021 16:57

Today, I received a message telling me the guy I was seeing just wasn’t feeling the “vibe”. This would be fine, if he hadn’t given me the best sex, and the only sex I’ve enjoyed, in years and years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 141

Wait til he Googles it

By what a fuckin idiot - 09/10/2021 05:00 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend left in a rage. He went through my bathroom drawers and saw that I had Vagisil. He’s legitimately convinced that vagisil is used to treat STIs. Moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 155

Small guy

By no luck chuck - 09/10/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, I knew I was a small guy and finally about to get laid for the first time in years. Everything was going great, until she got my pants off. She stared at it, stared at me, stared back at it and said, "Yeah, that’s not gonna happen." Got dressed and left. Sadly this has happened many times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 103

You deserved it 122

Creepy

By WadStakk - 08/10/2021 23:00

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old daughter, who always acts so sweet, is antagonizing a 24 year-old woman via social media regarding her boyfriend, whom my daughter is *likely* having sex with. I thought she was the purest sweetest thing and she always has a believable excuse for times unaccounted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 454

Brotherly love

By Anonymous - 07/10/2021 11:00

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex with the girl from next door, whom I’ve been in love with for years, but alas she isn’t a lesbian. She’s entitled to date whoever she likes, but my brother knows how I feel about her and seduced her anyway in our shared flat, which was a real douche move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 330

I can feel this FML

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 14:00

Today, I just got home from hospital after delivering an order of razor wire. One of the razors split my trousers and my sack open, my bollock was visibly hanging out of the giant slit in my sack and I had to go get it stitched shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 359

You deserved it 68

Jog on

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 10:59

Today, my husband told me that the only reason he took up jogging 4 years ago was because my mother moved in next door to us and he knew it would kill my sex drive. We haven’t had sex in 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 485

Size Queen

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 05:00

Today, I was hooking up with a girl, but when she got my pants down, she got mad and left, saying she was gonna kill her sister who lied to her about me having a large penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 125

Balls

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 17:00

Today, at 17 years-old my doctor told me my balls are riddled with multiple small cancerous tumours. They are now useless for sperm production and will have to be removed anyway to cure the cancer, but not to worry, for aesthetic reasons they can replace them with silicone balls instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 606

You deserved it 95

It's been a while

By Anonymous - 03/10/2021 05:00 - United States - Perkasie

Today, I finally had someone else touch my man parts. It was my doctor, checking for testicular cancer and a hernia, as part of my yearly physical. He's the only person other than myself to touch my junk in the last 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 168