Your everyday life stories

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my cousin, instead of the girl who shares the same name. She liked it. FML

By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 08:08

Like what you see?

166

355

Today, the phone rang, it was some woman who wanted to speak to my dad. “It’s probably his mistress,” I said jokingly. Turns out it was. FML

By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 20:00

Secret life

849

Today, I'm considering working as an escort again, to get some human closeness, have interesting conversations and feel wanted and appreciated. I'm actually in a steady relationship; I guess it’s not a very good one. FML

By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 05:02

Bored

890

359

Today, during a deep conversation with my girlfriend of 6 months, I asked her if the guy she had cheated on me once with a few months back had a bigger “tool” than me. She said yes. So I asked, "How much bigger are we talking about?" Her response was "Probably like twice the size." FML

By Anonymous - 5/8/2020 20:02

Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to

505

1472

Today, the new heart medication I take makes it hard for me to get an erection. It also gives me gas. My wife is getting sick of me farting when we're finally able to screw. FML

By Foxy17 - 5/8/2020 05:01

Noisy lover

1122

Today, I found out I’m the guy whose wife made adult films in college. Although embarrassed, I thought I may be able to get past it. Except for the fact that we dated in college, and she insisted we wait until after we were married to have sex. FML

By one cock too many - 4/8/2020 05:02

Who's been a naughty girl?

1727

175

Today, I flew from Texas to meet my new girlfriend's family in Georgia. Turns out her sister was a random hookup I had a year earlier on a business trip, she remembered me as the douchebag with premature ejaculation. Guess who’s flying home single? FML

By Douche - 31/7/2020 23:01

Karma chameleon

850

1406

Today, I was watching porn in the living room with the volume turned up, because I was under the impression that my family had already left for vacation. It turns out my cousin and his girlfriend were upstairs the entire time. FML

By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 23:01

Caught spunk-handed

546

1689

Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML

By not sexy anymore - 28/7/2020 05:01

Get on with it!

1497

257

Today, while having hot passionate sex with my boyfriend, while I was moaning his name, he was coming to release and yelled out, "NO, THIS IS PATRICK!" His name isn't Patrick. FML

By Anonymous - 25/7/2020 08:01

Who am I?

1277

370

Today, I found out I didn’t get a job because I'd flashed the owner whilst drunk. Guess my tits weren’t better than my resume. FML

By FLkiki - 24/7/2020 20:00

All or nothing

456

1647

Today, I texted my friend, asking if he could give me a ride. He assumed I meant sex, and told me I need to respect boundaries. I actually needed a ride to the hospital for a concussion. FML

By Anonymous - 23/7/2020 23:01

Boundaries

1572

160

Today, at work, I booked a vet appointment for an African Gray to get a birth control implant. I didn’t even know that was a thing and I definitely never thought that a parrot would have a more active sex life than me. FML

By Kelly - 23/7/2020 02:01

Polly wants it

1167

131

Today, I showed my friend all the dirty messages and dick pics her boyfriend had sent me. I included the ones of me telling him to stop. Instead of being mad at him, she flipped out on me, saying it’s my fault because I “dress too sexy” and he shouldn’t even have my number. He got it from her phone. FML

By fuckyoutoothen! - 22/7/2020 08:02

Nice victim blaming!

2040

142

Today, I caught my sister in bed with my girlfriend. I’m not sure what’s worse, the cheating, the fact I’ve never managed to make my girlfriend moan like that, or the fact this is the second girlfriend she’s stolen from me in the last year. FML

By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 23:01

Classic

2131

259

Today, I walked in on my mom masturbating. I want to run away. I feel violated. FML

By Audrey - 21/7/2020 14:01

My eyes! My eyes!

1377

543

Today, it's our eighth anniversary. My husband has struggled for a while with erectile dysfunction, and tonight he decided it wasn't worth trying. So now, he's sitting at home, soft, while I'm eating Taco Bell in the car. FML

By Anonymous - 20/7/2020 23:01

Between a rock and a soft place

1508

238

Today, I found out my sister-in-law cheated on her husband. I also found out my uncle cheated on my aunt with my sister-in-law. FML

By Anonymous - 19/7/2020 23:00

Sharing is caring

1500

Today, I finally had sex with a coworker I’d been flirting with for nearly 2 and half years. The sex lasted less than 2 and a half minutes. FML

By letdown - 19/7/2020 14:01

Great timing

1312

593

Today, I found out the best man at my wedding was banging my wife after years of being married. My best man was my brother. FML

By ??? - 19/7/2020 05:01

Double crossed

2040

128

Today, a few hours after me and my husband had sex, he mumbled "This is why I hate sex," as he left to grab some Tylenol. Apparently, he's so out of shape that basic sex made his muscles too sore to sleep. This is the first time in 2 weeks we've had sex. I'm always the one that has to ask for it. FML

By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 20:01

Sore

2093

219

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

By notsosexy - 18/7/2020 08:01

Alexa, play "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye

1382

253

Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML

By Anonymous - 15/7/2020 23:01

Like the beginning of a porno

1780

950

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 20:02

Mixed signals

1864

211

Today, my long distance boyfriend sent me a Snap of him fucking another girl. When he realized he'd sent it to me, he called me, trying to explain, "it's not what it looks like. It was meant for the boys." Two days ago, I made plans to visit him. Guess who's out money and single. FML

By Anonymous - 10/7/2020 20:02

My ex the dumbass

2168

157

Today, my boyfriend, who I have been seeing for a year, decided to tell me that he has herpes and has not taken any precautions to stop it from passing on. We have had unprotected sex quite a lot over the last year, so now I most likely have herpes too. FML

By Anonymous - 9/7/2020 20:02

Wrap it

1939

423

Today, I found out my son's girlfriend is actually a webcam porn star he pays for private sessions. He’s somehow convinced himself they have a real relationship, and is spending thousands of pounds every week, on his credit card I may add. FML

By Anonymous - 8/7/2020 14:01

Love knows no boundaries

1776

174

Today, I found out that my dad has drunkenly told my sister more than once that he doesn’t love either of us, and even then he prefers her over me. All these years I thought I was crazy for thinking I had any kind of daddy issues, but I guess that must be why I’m a phenomenal fuck. FML

By Anonymous - 8/7/2020 02:02

Interesting hypothesis

1457

139

Today, my crush, who’s notorious for only dating skinny girls, walked out of the break room. I turned to my friend and joked, “I may not be skinny, but I can suck a jawbreaker through a boba straw!” Turns out he came back because he forgot his phone. He most definitely heard me. FML

By sucky sucky - 7/7/2020 14:01

Oh, hai Mark

624

1439