FML : Your everyday life stories

Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Friday 15 September 2017 06:00 /

Today, my girlfriend was sick for the fourth day in a row. I stopped by her house to check on her and bring some necessities, only to find her ex's truck in the driveway, and the sounds of some very intense love making coming from inside. I guess she's not that sick after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Monday 11 September 2017 06:00 /

Creeper Alert

Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "of fucking course" - / Tuesday 5 September 2017 06:00 /

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 2 September 2017 00:00 / United States

FML Uncensored

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain down stairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 15 August 2017 06:00 /

Today, my mother-in-law and I were having a lovely chat about my partner, until, she asked me if "he was good in bed?" and saying things like "I've seen it, great length. I'm jealous." FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Scoobz Say more :

OP here!! Can't believe that this actually got posted! My mother-in-law and I have a unique, open relationship... Quite traumatic at times though. We're like good friends, that sometimes take it too far. Thank you all for your comments!!

By Didn't want to hear that from you - / Friday 11 August 2017 10:46 /

Man Shares Story About Having Sex with a Coconut and the Internet is Now Flooding with Similar Stories Because Apparently People Have No Shame

One guy tells his story of the problematic task of having sex with a coconut and what was once a secret fetish becomes a full-blown...

By Nina - / Wednesday 9 August 2017 16:40 /

FML: Uncensored

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By LindseyS - / Tuesday 8 August 2017 02:00 / United States

Stoner Logic

Today, I've been sleeping with my drug dealer from high school who I still buy pot from for the past week. He made me go down on him a few days ago and he smelled funny but I didn't say anything. Today, he told me he only showers 2-3 times a month and he thinks he's a genius for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Monday 7 August 2017 00:30 /

FML: Uncensored

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Sunday 6 August 2017 02:00 / United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend who is a VERY loud moaner. He kept saying my name over and over again then all of a sudden his mom comes in and says "yes hun...oh God sorry"...that's how I found out I have the same name as my boyfriend's mom. FML

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You deserved it

OhGreat. Say more :

Hey OP here! No he doesn't live with with his mom. No I didn't know his mom's name. He lives alone so no we didn't lock the doors. His mom lives in Florida with his step dad she was coming up to visit and to meet me she was a week early! He never called her by her first name it's always "my mom". But I guess when she's around he calls her by her first name all the time but with me he calls her mom....

By OhGreat - / Friday 4 August 2017 12:00 /

FML: Uncensored

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Cliché... or Touché? - / Thursday 3 August 2017 02:00 /

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've been seeing. Apparently he doesn't believe in condoms and took it off without my knowing; I didn't realize until after. When I asked him in horror why he would do such a thing, he said "I love you. I want you to have my child." It had been our second date. FML

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You deserved it

SoniaLovesYou Say more :

Wish I could say this WAS fake, but sadly it happened. Although it shouldn't matter, I will go ahead and mention that the guy is Mexican and most likely grew up in a culture that generally looks down on contraception; but it doesn't excuse what he did. Thanks to those of you expressing concern; I plan on taking the morning after pill and everything should be fine, but I am still intensely freaked...

By SoniaLovesYou - / Tuesday 1 August 2017 12:18 / United States

FML Uncensored

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Nightmares - / Tuesday 1 August 2017 02:00 / United States

Doggy Wants A Bone

Today, I began my ritual of my afternoon wank. As I was about to finish, I noticed my dog staring at me from across the room. We shared a longboard stare as I came, and I can't look him in the eyes the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Oh man... - / Tuesday 1 August 2017 06:30 / Australia - Perth

Today, my new husband of two weeks attempted to solicit sex from a hooker. He tried to excuse himself by saying, "I would never cheat on you! I was just looking." FML

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You deserved it

By Justlooking - / Friday 28 July 2017 20:00 /

Today, I went on a Tinder date with a hot British guy. He spent 90% of the date talking about his ex, but I invited him back to my place anyway. He came after 20 minutes of foreplay then left without even offering to get me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

milksquad Say more :

OP here! This is my second FML to get published this week, either I'm on a roll or my life is just really shitty lol. I was pretty bitter when I posted this but in hindsight, yeah, it was a pretty stupid decision. Looks (and a cute accent) aren't everything I suppose! I guess I was more surprised that he left so abruptly. Like, he came and then put on his clothes and walked out with barely a goodbye....

By milksquad - / Friday 28 July 2017 10:37 /

Today, I went camping. The night was calm and quiet, so we went to our separate tents to sleep. I closed my eyes, listening to the distant waves and my father playing porn in the tent beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anon - / Sunday 23 July 2017 05:00 /

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 22 July 2017 05:29 / United States - Irving

Time for Family Counseling?

Today, my drunk brother told me he has an incest fetish. FML

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You deserved it

asperix Say more :

alright, so i posted this about 5 minutes after he told me at a party. the day after he explained that hes kinda in love with my sister-in-law and thats what drunken him means by incest fetish. i know that she also have feelings for him... not sure wether i should help them or run away.

By "asperix" - / Tuesday 18 July 2017 15:50 /

Brain Bleach Please!

Today, my mom asked me to back up her phone. When I downloaded all of her pictures and checked to make sure they were all saved, I accidentally saw the topless photos she's been sexting my dad. I can erase the files, but not the images in my mind. FML

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You deserved it

blackbird8 Say more :

OP here. Update: my mom asked me to back up her phone again this weekend :O Since she saves everything on her phone she doesn't have enough storage for updates, so I have to back up and clear her phone fairly frequently. This weekend she told me she needed me to back up her phone AGAIN...I politely declined. And then had to explain to her why #AWKWARD. It's not the fact that they're boobs (duh,...

By yepi'mblindnow - / Thursday 13 July 2017 11:48 /