By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 17:00 Strawberry surprise Today, my husband got home and shouted he had a surprise for me. I shouted back that I hoped it was his tasty knob with strawberry lube. Nope, he'd picked up my grandparents for a visit now social isolation is being relaxed. They might be in their 80’s but they’re not deaf, unfortunately. FML I agree, your life sucks 266 You deserved it 122 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 1/6/2020 14:00 Unsanitary Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML I agree, your life sucks 1000 You deserved it 156 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bushburn - 1/6/2020 02:00 Pubes of steel Today, I had to finally give my boyfriend an ultimatum. Either he at least trims his giant mass of unruly pubes or no more sex. I feel I have no choice since his huge bush has left friction burns on my face and down below. He doesn’t see the problem. FML I agree, your life sucks 1093 You deserved it 129 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 29/5/2020 20:00 Addicted to love Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML I agree, your life sucks 751 You deserved it 704 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 29/5/2020 08:00 Overdoing it Today, my boyfriend convinced me to "dirty talk" with him. I'd never done it before, so I figured I would give it a go. I ended up getting so excited that I had an anxiety attack. FML I agree, your life sucks 1156 You deserved it 215 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 28/5/2020 05:00 Alexa, play "Living Doll" by Cliff Richard Today, my boyfriend dumped me out of nowhere, supposedly because I act like he's nothing but a sex doll. We've been dating 6 weeks and have had sex twice. FML I agree, your life sucks 1316 You deserved it 137 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 27/5/2020 23:00 British Broadcasting Corporation Today, working from home due to the quarantine, things were going slow so I typed "Lola Fox BBC DP porn" into my team chat, thinking I was typing it into my browser. My supervisor took it down as soon as it happened, but people definitely saw. FML I agree, your life sucks 376 You deserved it 2162 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By my eyes!! - 27/5/2020 08:00 Knock next time Today, I walked in on my husband's elderly parents getting it on. It’s beautiful they still love each other, I just wish they hadn’t decided to express that love on our living room sofa. FML I agree, your life sucks 1480 You deserved it 126 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 26/5/2020 23:00 Incognito browsing Today, my dad is super overprotective and can view my search history through his phone. I'd downloaded the Google app to be able search for things he wouldn't approve of. I just realized I've been making all these searches on my school account. I go to a private school and they can view my search history. FML I agree, your life sucks 695 You deserved it 1632 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KTBeck - 26/5/2020 14:00 Three is the magic number Today, my husband returned from a hiking trip. We had "I missed you" sex and after we were done, he told me about all the ticks he had while on the trail. He then went to shower and while washing, he found a tick latched to his penis. I technically had a three way. FML I agree, your life sucks 1659 You deserved it 224 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thanks a lot - 26/5/2020 08:00 Stay alert! Today, my state began relaxing the quarantine order. We decided to take the kids for a nice picnic in the park to get them outside. First park we went to, we saw a homeless man openly pissing in the parking lot. Second park, we saw two teens fucking on the table. Day was officially ruined. FML I agree, your life sucks 1470 You deserved it 267 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 17:00 Let it all out Today, I had too much to eat at dinner. I had to cut sexy time with my husband short because I couldn't do it. I feel bad because it's his birthday today but we stopped. I then proceeded to throw up everything I ate today. FML I agree, your life sucks 1189 You deserved it 505 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 05:00 Get out Today, while I was working in a department store, two 15-year-old kids started having sex in a changing room. When I found them, the boy pulled out and said, "You want in, bitch?" I then had to prevent his jealous, half-naked girlfriend from murdering me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1797 You deserved it 127 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 23/5/2020 20:00 Feelin' sexy Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML I agree, your life sucks 1291 You deserved it 102 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pey - 21/5/2020 14:00 Revelations Today, my boss told me I had to fire my co-worker. I didn't want to do it, but I didn't want to lose my job. I told my co-worker that the boss said we had to let him go. He told me that he had sex with my wife. My wife didn't deny it. FML I agree, your life sucks 2046 You deserved it 115 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whyyyyy - 17/5/2020 23:00 Subjective Today, after months of dating, I finally saw my boyfriend naked. Turns out he has a micropenis. I assured him that I like him for who he was and that we could explore other things. He said no, because oral and sex toys are "immoral." FML I agree, your life sucks 2489 You deserved it 227 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/5/2020 20:00 A load of hot air Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 1372 You deserved it 560 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 15/5/2020 23:00 The geyser Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML I agree, your life sucks 3501 You deserved it 245 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 13/5/2020 08:00 Frustrated Today, after 10-plus years of marriage, my husband still gets off after 5 minutes. I find myself just wanting to just go down on him, instead of being unsatisfied right when I start to get into it myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 1601 You deserved it 266 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By that'sokay - 12/5/2020 23:00 Deception Today, I found out the guy I have been sleeping with didn't actually break up with his girlfriend. She just moved for a few weeks during quarantine. They are now living with each other, and I'm alone and confused. FML I agree, your life sucks 1516 You deserved it 354 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 11/5/2020 08:00 Frustration Today, my wife is still refusing all forms of sex, because she thinks if she gets pregnant during lockdown, she’ll be the butt of all her friends' jokes about what people get up to to relieve the lockdown boredom. I know what I’d like to be getting up to right now to relieve my boredom. FML I agree, your life sucks 1702 You deserved it 292 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By naas1201 - 10/5/2020 23:00 It's not working Today, and since the beginning of our couples therapy, my wife and I don't do it anymore. FML I agree, your life sucks 1322 You deserved it 221 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 8 Legs plus 1 - 8/5/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom Spider-Maaaaaaan Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML I agree, your life sucks 1605 You deserved it 211 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shay786 - 5/5/2020 17:00 My eyes! Today, I heard grunting and then realized it was my tenant with his boyfriend. When I went down to do my laundry, I caught them in the act. FML I agree, your life sucks 1464 You deserved it 256 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 3/5/2020 17:00 Indifference Today, my boyfriend walked in on me having phone sex with another guy. He either didn't notice or didn't care. FML I agree, your life sucks 430 You deserved it 4228 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lynn_27 - 2/5/2020 08:00 Hammertime Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to tell me he couldn't take it anymore because my legs were too hairy. I shaved yesterday. FML I agree, your life sucks 1742 You deserved it 244 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By easyontheeyes1 - 1/5/2020 02:00 Romantic afterglow Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML I agree, your life sucks 1496 You deserved it 371 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/4/2020 17:00 The View Today, my boyfriend refuses to do doggy style anymore because I, and I quote, "have a weird looking butthole, it’s not dirty or anything, it’s just the strangest butthole I’ve ever seen, it’s really distracting." So now, I’m not only self conscious about my small boobs, but my ugly asshole too. FML I agree, your life sucks 2045 You deserved it 190 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 29/4/2020 23:00 Go back to bed, Brad Today, I noticed that when my boyfriend is sick, his sex drive goes through the roof. Too bad his stamina plummets. FML I agree, your life sucks 1436 You deserved it 157 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sarahir - 29/4/2020 05:00 Classic Dave Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML I agree, your life sucks 1828 You deserved it 316 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I woke up from a vivid dream where I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up drenched in sweat and tears to realize I'm not... I agree, your life sucks 4 You deserved it 1 0 Comments
The guy I’ve been trying to get over for the last month finally messaged me like I’ve been hoping for... to cry that his new girlfriend cheated on him... I agree, your life sucks 8 You deserved it 3 0 Comments