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Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

#4630669
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (120745) - you deserved it (9168)

On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

#97632
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (277204) - you deserved it (60236)

On 02/21/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by GD (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

#632473
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (181154) - you deserved it (36507)

On 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by coughandcold (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
439 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78009) - you deserved it (8137)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32003) - you deserved it (28498)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

#507959
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (227689) - you deserved it (29994)

On 03/21/2009 at 11:38am - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

#265039
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (253491) - you deserved it (16479)

On 03/10/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by TuralSucks (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44685) - you deserved it (13213)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML

#4331370
817 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29255) - you deserved it (533606)

On 08/06/2009 at 9:35am - misc - by who_could_it_be - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

#13432324
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38044) - you deserved it (21781)

On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

#17953738
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37516) - you deserved it (26018)

On 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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