Cats

Intruder alert!

By Pain - 06/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I had a dream where I was fighting a robber who had broken into my house. I was throwing a lot of kicks in the dream, and this apparently resulted in me kicking my feet in real life as well. I figured this out when my cat started attacking my feet, abruptly waking me up at 2AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 86

Needy smol bean baby

By He's special - 29/01/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, my cat keeps walking into my room and screaming at me to pay attention to him. When I try to do so, he moves away. Then he yells at me from a distance. I don't wanna play this game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 161

The signs were there

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed a spot of water on the floor. I thought my cats had spilled a cup of water and didn't worry about it. I went to a meeting and when I came back, my entire apartment was flooded with 3 inches of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 175

You deserved it 7 256

It's alive!

By notmyrealname123 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 017

You deserved it 6 576

Sophie's choice

By Kerry - 18/01/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I adopted a stray cat that kept showing up at my door. Turns out, it belongs to my neighbours. It wasn’t lost; it just doesn’t like living with them. Now, they want it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 137

Nasty

By What an asshole - 13/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, as I crawled into bed and hid under my blanket, I was hit with a very strong and familiar smell. The smell of piss. My cat had peed all over my only blanket. Guess I'll sleep under the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 137

Humaaaaaaan! Open the doooooor!

By Is he stupid? - 12/01/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, my dumbass cat won't stop screaming and whining at me because I won't let him go outside. It's winter, and this is the Midwest. He did this without my knowledge once before and had almost frozen to death by the time I figured out where he was. Also, he's too loud for earplugs to drown him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 111

Loyalty

By No way - 10/01/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I discovered my cat prefers my neighbour. I know this because she posted pictures of him on Instagram, captioned "My new baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 187

Don't touch me

By Drama - 10/01/2025 03:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I took my cat to the vet. As the vet reached to examine him, he hissed, then clawed me instead, and then ran straight into a wall. Now we’re both sitting at the vet's, scowling and injured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 118

You little devil

By Awakened - 07/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my cat learned that smacking his feather toy against the metal barrel I store it in will result in a loud and irritating sound that gets me out of bed fast. Taking it out and putting it on the floor doesn't work, because he learned how to pick it up and drop it in the barrel. My cat is a goddamn genius. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 176

Happy New Year to all the cats out there

By HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Victoria

Today, I'm celebrating New Year's with my cat. I made her a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 538

You deserved it 7 032

New year, new me?

By Anonymous - 31/12/2024 09:00 - France

Today, my phone's OS suggested I reflect on the year gone by. I started by scrolling through my photos and realized most of them were just pictures of my cat or screenshots of memes. I should get out more in 2025. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 168

A cat called Bruce

By Dave - 24/12/2024 12:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, we spent hours decorating the Christmas tree, perfectly balancing the lights, ornaments, and tinsel. Ten minutes later, the cat thought it was a right time to reenact Die Hard and climbed up the tree, knocking it over. Now my ornaments are shattered, and my cat is smugly sitting in the wreckage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 216

Santa or Satan?

By Cat poo - 23/12/2024 16:00 - United States - Smithtown

Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 200

Respect her boundaries

By Kathy04 - 22/12/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I finally convinced my shy new cat to come out from under the bed and hang out with me on the couch. I felt like a true cat whisperer until, in the middle of petting her, she jumped up, knocked over my mug, and spilled hot cocoa all over my book. She then looked at me as if I was the one who messed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 302

Impressed indeed

By Anonymous - 12/12/2024 09:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I proudly showed off my new DIY bookshelf to my family. Everyone seemed impressed until my cat jumped on it, the whole thing collapsed, and it narrowly missed my grandmother. Now my family thinks I need to hire professionals for every project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 533

Freaked out

By DomesticPatrol - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I just patrolled my entire house with a fucking hammer and flashlight because my cat stepped on a fucking creaky floorboard. It's 2 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 894

You deserved it 1 949

Freaked out

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 122

You deserved it 12 874

LET ME IN!

By Sam - 15/11/2024 20:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my cat somehow managed to lock me out of my apartment by jumping on the doorknob while I was taking the trash out. I had to call a locksmith, and now it's like my cat won't even come near at me, like I betrayed him for allowing a stranger into our home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 127

Lucky or what?

By Anonymous - 15/11/2024 12:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I put on what I thought was my "lucky" sweater for a job interview. Halfway there, I noticed my reflection in a car window and realized it was covered in cat hairs of various colors and a faded spaghetti stain from last week that apparently hadn't come out in the wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 515

Check these out!

By Anonymous - 11/11/2024 20:00 - Germany - Gelnhausen

Today, I wanted to show a photo of my cat to my colleague, but my phone fell out of my hand and scrolled to the next photo, a photo of me without a bra. Now he thinks that this is how I tried to let him know that I want a quickie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 389

Not the brightest moggy

By Ouch - 09/11/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my cat got outside and had the bright idea to walk in the middle of the road, right as a car was coming. The driver didn't notice him, so I had to sprint over there, leap into the road, and toss my cat to safety. He's fine, aside from being soaked (he landed in a puddle), but I've felt better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 115

Emotional rollercoaster

By chynna - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Evansville

Today, I paid $325 to have the vet tell me that my 19-year-old cat ISN'T dying, she just had anxiety shits because we were gone on vacation for so long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 921

You deserved it 6 745

Needy baby

By Guess that's why they call it suffoCATion - 06/11/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I'm taking care of my friend's cat while he's away for a while. She's very clingy and friendly, which I don't mind… or at least, I thought I didn't mind, until I tried to go to sleep and she insisted on lying on my face. I felt bad for having to kick her out of the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 124

NEXT!

By Anonymous - 28/10/2024 22:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I was on a date with a girl I've been crushing on for a while. At one point we started talking about pets we'd had. I wanted to show my sensitive side, so I told her how I sadly had to get my beloved cat euthanized earlier that week, and had buried her in my backyard. Her response? "Ew." FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 131

He's doing fine

By SplitMind95 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I was on Tinder and only one girl matched with me. She gave me a "Super-Like" so I thought she must want to get to know each other and see what happens. Nope. She recognized me as the guy who adopted the stray cat she was taking care of last year, and just wanted to know how he was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 777

You deserved it 1 399

Sobering

By TheLivingDeadTree - 19/10/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I made my way to bed around 4am after spending all night hanging out with my family. When I got to my bed, I started to clear a spot to lay down. Almost immediately, my hand touched something furry and cold and, fearing the worst, I turned the light on. Turns out my cat left me a half eaten rodent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 107

Lightbulb moment

By Kevin - 17/10/2024 16:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I tried to smack a fly that was buzzing around my room. I ended up hitting the wall a little too hard, scaring my cat, who jumped up and ran under the bed, knocking over a lamp. The fly is fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 148

Get back here!

By Anonymous - 14/10/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I left my apartment window open for some fresh air. When I returned, my idiot cat was on the balcony staring at me... from my neighbor’s apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 367

Sweet baby

By Please stay alive - 13/10/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I've been assigned to watch my friend's cat while he's away from home. His cat is 22 years-old and very grumpy. Most of my time has been spent making sure she's not dead, and getting attacked when I accidentally interrupt her naps. I've already got a few scratches. This is gonna be a long few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 244

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 232

Today, my husband's ex-girlfriend is getting a restraining order on him. Turns out, for the past 2 years of our marriage, he has been trying to contact her and ditching work to stalk her. To top it all off, he told me not to come to court with him because he doesn't want her to see he downgraded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 720

You deserved it 2 230

The Top

Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 128

You deserved it 64 394

Today, to save money on our vacation, we got a single room with double beds. What a mistake that was. Thanks to our dad's OCD need to stick to his schedule, he got us up at 6 every morning, we had to be in bed by 9:30PM and absolutely no relaxing by the pool, because “we got things to do.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 136

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 874

You deserved it 4 545

Today, I quit smoking. It seems that when you don't smoke for almost 24 hours, your sense of smell comes back. I then noticed how disgusting my apartment smells. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 817

You deserved it 51 994

Today, my 6 year-old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair whose leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?" He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 566

You deserved it 25 975

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year-old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 102

You deserved it 7 010