Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
creepermagnet tells us more.
Let me tell you the rest of the story: this actually happened a couple months ago, but I just discovered this site. First off, there was NO second date. My God. Right after he said that, I told him I wanted to go home (he had driven, and I didn't have a car or any way to get home). He then asked if I wanted to go to the woods so he could "do things to me." I told him no, going home would be fine. He took me home and I called him and told him I never wanted to see him again. For half an hour, he tried to convince me to see him again, but I eventually just hung up. For a month or so he called me every day but I didn't answer. Finally, I grew tired of this and I answered the phone. I told him he was really scaring me and he needed to stop trying to contact me. He told me, "I was falling in love with you but they all laughed at me!" (Mind you, I do not know who "they" are. Nor do I wish to know). I told him I was very sorry, but he had to stop calling me or I would contact the police. He then said to me, "Where is the darkness??? Why do you paint me as a demon when I just want to show you the light???" I haven't spoken to him since.
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Top comments
Ender_ 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Best pickup line ever.
mak_fml 0
D: oh god.
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Comments (910)
mak_fml 0
D: oh god.
twirlingqueen4u 0
aggreed lol what a weirdo haha
z620 0
bwahahahahahaha that is hilarious... although a little disturbing :3
emmamorc 0
O god creeper
redsox112 0
fake
iskate2much 0
FTW
panic222354 0
WTF
FMLrockzdude 0
u said u guyz were joking. he was just joking gosh this is a stupid FML, learn to take a joke u jackass girl
172pilot 20
bet that was the first and last date.
michaelscot23 0
hey... I said that same thing today... and I went to starbucks today
aayers7 4
that's scary
FMLFoshoz 0
stfu.!
NzxtZ06 0
WTF, what kind of seed? is it a fruit or a vegetable. Oh I hope it's a pineapple. Best. Fruit. Ever.
missmarie97 0
pwned613 0
wow he didn't even asked you if you wanted a baby xD.. you go tiger ;D
ImFatAndLonleyFM 0
I lold
joce445 0
LOL at 658
kool_me 0
lol! that's funny u should go along with it
happydog8 0
pineapple is awsome!!!!! but there both guys, he cant have a seed inside him!!!!
lenalee96 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
pineapples don't have seeds smart one...
TheWhiteDemon 0
pineapples make your semen sweeter no joke
recognizedd 0
winnnnnnn
doglady 16
I know, ew, skeezy!!
saarim 0
nope its all about those watermelons nd im not black haha
gbreck 0
lol WTF 681 the OP is woman
rawrinbear 0
650 uhh...
bigfoot89 4
lol that guy sounds awesome
magentaballoon15 8
WTF...
nahgemoohc 17
Hahahaha!!! I can actually imagine this scene!! And it cracks me up every time!!:)
SNL 2
I would have just sat there like O.o then I would say "okay" haha jk but seriously that's a bit wierd
pu13 5
not a very funny or normal joke...
lionkat456 28
IKR! a little spiky for my taste though XD
dragxnfly 4
Your comment made me giggle heheh.
MehNameIsJuan 15
oh god is right
krazy789 28
people like this are the scariest
LLsuperfly 0
wtf that is so freaking creepy. Cut off all ties with him IMMEDIATELY.
CanadianHuney 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I think it's cool actually
xtfauthorx 0
I'd so fall for that pick up line ;)
VolleyballSMASH 1
I agree. creeeeeeeeepy. those of u who would fall for it... u are messed up.
GreatGeak 8
omg creepo!!!!
babbu18 0
ummm I don't think he's
babbu18 0
in the know that it's just a date....pray to god that he doesn't find ur house and creeps into bed
sunlovinmama 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He is probably a domineering guy who gets off on conquering the prize or owning you. What better trophy than for you to have his child. He probably has a lot of little ones running around or he is a really desperate hopeless romantic.. Either way run and don't look back
ADCH_fml 7
Actually it's called humor, you should learn some.
Onoconah 11
why jump to conclusions so fast! he could have been joking! Maybe his sense of humor is just different from others. I laughed way to hard at that so maybe that's just my opinion but don't freak out over something so small
Ender_ 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Best pickup line ever.
magusuri_fml 0
The best pickup line ever is, "Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
FatAssAnonymous 0
Oh my gosh, I have to remember that. I'm gonna say that to everyone in school, including my chemistry and biology teachers, I wonder how they'll react. I'll twitter about it or post it here somewhere. Haha.
casablancas17 0
That's the funniest thing I've heard all day. :)
slackbheep 0
This really is the best pickup line in the world. The chloroform one is just more successful.
killerviral 0
lolilolololokolllol
lissamillerlite 0
what's that supposed to mean??
reptileguy1296 0
735, chloroform is a substance that puts you to sleep when breathed. And that is one of the best Family Guy quotes in history! Credit them next time lol.
MissTaco 7
What episode is it said in and lol! ;D
Anumayis 34
#585 your comment is my favorite of all time. thank you :p
BootheGhost 6
"Hey, I'm lost, can you tell me the quickest way into your pants?" That's the line I always used :3 (not really)
ATH3NA_fml 0
I don't get it.
Sgt_Schadenfreud 0
Hahahahahahaha He's a keeper love.
Thabb 0
that's awesome!
krmc822 6
Lol
riffraff_fml 0
Bahahaha.
fthelife_fml 0
Ooooh, creepy. Heheheheeeeee.
gradschoolwoes 0
hahahaha this cannot be true!
TBD3 0
HAHAHAHA. That's almost as good as "If I told you that you have a great body, would you hold it against me?"
savigirl97 0
that's a new one.. funnyXD
omgcookeys 15
well they'd have to do that in order for the seed to be planted in her garden. :)
iamtheinsomniac 11
That's from thrillville
abcdefghijklmno_fml 0
hahahahahahahahahaha ahhhhh that just made my day!! for #4..... ummm.... just think about it for a second....
AlWAYSN4EVR 13
what did #4 say?