The Top

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Thanks, I hate it!

By pleasebackintomycaragain - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 511

You deserved it 3 377

Where'd you go?

By omgjessp - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 672

You deserved it 4 003

Trapped

By Anonymous - 19/01/2026 15:00

Today, I realized I'm in a horribly toxic marriage. My wife offered to let me sleep in, and my first thought was, "This is a trap, in thirty minutes she'll be yelling at me for being lazy." I tested it. Yup, it was a trap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 39

Must stay productive

By Anonymous - 19/01/2026 12:00

Today, I experienced my third day in a row with visual aura causing a migraine. I informed my safety and human resources departments, who both offered help. When I went to tell my supervisor, she told me that women experience this all the time and I need to learn to deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 46

Happy birthday, huh?

By Anonymous - 19/01/2026 22:00

Today, I told my family that for my birthday I didn’t want to do any chores and just wanted the house cleaned. What they heard was mom won’t do chores today so let’s leave them all for her tomorrow. I didn’t even have a clean mug for coffee this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 38

Old boy

By Anonymous - 19/01/2026 20:00

Today, I visited my girlfriend’s family in Louisiana and her grandmother told her Pawpaw was still alive. Was it a neighbor or relative. Nope, a 60 year-old 12-foot alligator in the river behind their house. He actually came like a dog when she whistled. Scared the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 39

Weird

By Anonymous - 20/01/2026 00:00

Today, to anyone else who thinks court can be weird, I say this: I just had to testify in court about my penis because it was relevant to the case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 35

Show yourself!

By Coneer - 19/01/2026 09:00

Today, I told an employee to turn her camera on during a meeting when she worked remote. Since she refused to turn it on, I questioned the veracity of whether she was actually working at home, so I threatened to take disciplinary action. She responded by filing a complaint to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 369

New avenue

By Pride lost - 20/01/2026 03:00

Today, my girlfriend and I went out with one of her guy friends. After two bars, we ended up back at her place and somehow the three of us ended up in bed. I was a Gold Star Lesbian and now I'm just a slutty bi girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 52

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend sent me an article about how smelling farts can reduce dementia then added, "You're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 945

You deserved it 908

Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 260

You deserved it 4 037

Today, my little brother decided he needed $170 worth of V-Bucks. How was he going to get it? From the credit card he took from my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 71

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 747

You deserved it 6 148

Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 145

You deserved it 219

Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 193

You deserved it 71 415