Sex, the best funniest jokes

409

Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML

By kikuhime - 17/1/2021 02:01

Oh, hello

845

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML

By Anonymous - 13/1/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Girls will be girls

614

447

Today, I realized that in the 3 and half month relationship with a wonderful guy I truly like, so far I've masturbated more than the whole year I was single before I met him. FML

By Anonymous - 11/1/2021 17:00

Mixed results

657

186

Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML

By Anonymous - 9/1/2021 05:01 - United States

No sex for you

762

142

Today, I thought I would spice things up a bit and rocked my man's world, but in the kitchen. Apparently, some of his cum must have got on the tiles because I slipped on it 15 minutes later. In doing so I smacked my head on the fridge.. FML

By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 20:01 - Australia

A for Effort

854

551

Today, I walked in on my wife and my buddy from work. They didn’t even stop. I just went to a motel to get drunk. FML

By Jerry - 4/1/2021 10:58

Best thing to do

1211

Today, I was so sad and lonely that I drunkenly masturbated to Game of Thrones scenes featuring Petyr Baelish. FML

By Little tears - 2/1/2021 14:05 - United States

Cranking

259

643

Today, for the first time in 8 months, I got laid and it was amazing. Unfortunately, it's kicked my latent sex drive into hyperdrive. Best part? No idea when I might have sex again, so apparently I just have to live with being ragingly horny for the foreseeable future. FML

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 22:56 - United States - Montpelier

Join the club

888

255

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm the best lay of his life. I really wish I could say the same about him. FML

By Ray - 31/12/2020 16:58

Anticlimactic

708

246

Today, I was told by my sister over the dinner table that some guy is telling people I’ve had sex with him; that’s not even the worst part. He’s telling people my sister walked in. One, I haven’t talked to him in years; two, he’s really not my type, three, I’m in a relationship. FML

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Pants on fire

810

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and it started getting heated. I climbed on top of him and took his shirt off, but I guess my brain had a different idea. I ended up clinging to him for dear life because my brain decided that now was a good time for a seizure. Mood ruined. FML

By AloneAtPerkins - 21/12/2020 23:04

Intense

1291

Today, after close to 10 years of marriage, my wife’s health has improved enough she is craving sex again. Just not with me. FML

By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 08:02

Take care

1176

Today, while trying to be sexy for my fiancé by going to change his background photo to a naughty pic of myself, I found out he's been actively cheating on me. For almost a year, with multiple women. When confronted, he tried telling how hard me finding out was for HIM. FML

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 20:01

Reverse Uno

1196

111

Today, my girl sent me a naked booty pic, telling me not to be late home. When I got home, she was in dirty old sweatpants, too upset for sex because her celebrity crush died. Not in real life, in one of the TV shows she's watching. FML

By Alex - 15/12/2020 13:58

Booty non-call

1122

166

Today, during oral sex, my wife squirted, which she’s never done before, and I was so surprised I accidentally breathed it straight up my nose. It’s been 3 hours and it’s still all I can smell FML

By Lucas - 14/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Smells like victory

933

291

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I failed to notice I’ve been on a sex ban as punishment for upsetting her mother 3 weeks ago. Three weeks isn’t even our longest no sex period; we’ve gone months without sex before for no good reason, so is it any wonder I didn’t notice after only 3 weeks? FML

By Ash - 13/12/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

Sex ban

1067

259

Today, I was excited for my very first oral sex session. Didn't imagine that the guy would bite everywhere like a beaver trying to be sexy and leave without even cuddling. Definitely didn't match the long sexts. FML

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 09:38 - India

The cringe is real

953

139

Today, I’ve been horny for weeks on end. Because I’m on antidepressants, I can’t orgasm, so the horniness won’t go away. The only thing I do is go to the gym, where literally EVERYONE seems fuckable. While I’m not depressed anymore, my vagina is. FML

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 23:01 - Netherlands

Side effects

788

102

Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML

By Anonymous - 7/12/2020 14:02

Awkward

739

248

Today, I shaved my penis and balls. When my girlfriend saw, she said, "You look like my little brother." He's 6 years old. FML

By Anonymous - 7/12/2020 02:02

Cuties

706

368

Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML

By SoDead - 5/12/2020 04:01 - United States - Center Point

Overbearing parents are the worst

550

1184

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

By fuckingdonuts - United States - Edmond

Say yes

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5152

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

By onlywantuanyway

Double standards

53739

8262

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML

By Leyla - Canada - Brampton

Get ready to rumble!

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Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he put me through so much heartache last year was because the make-up sex was awesome. FML

By makeupsex - Canada

Toxic

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5214

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

By 9gingerface66 - United States

Kinky

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4640

Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML

By Anonymous - United States

Awkward

31459

7180

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

By ifeeldirty - United States

Parental advice

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8826

Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML

By Bellagirl - United States

Sex talk

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