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By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 11:01

Technology hates humans

  Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks
409
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94
6 Comments
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By kikuhime - 17/1/2021 02:01

Oh, hello

  Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks
845
You deserved it
41
7 Comments
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By Anonymous - 13/1/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Girls will be girls

  Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks
614
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447
5 Comments
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By Anonymous - 11/1/2021 17:00

Mixed results

  Today, I realized that in the 3 and half month relationship with a wonderful guy I truly like, so far I've masturbated more than the whole year I was single before I met him. FML
I agree, your life sucks
657
You deserved it
186
4 Comments
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By Anonymous - 9/1/2021 05:01 - United States

No sex for you

  Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML
I agree, your life sucks
762
You deserved it
142
8 Comments
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By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 20:01 - Australia

A for Effort

  Today, I thought I would spice things up a bit and rocked my man's world, but in the kitchen. Apparently, some of his cum must have got on the tiles because I slipped on it 15 minutes later. In doing so I smacked my head on the fridge.. FML
I agree, your life sucks
854
You deserved it
551
5 Comments
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By Jerry - 4/1/2021 10:58

Best thing to do

  Today, I walked in on my wife and my buddy from work. They didn’t even stop. I just went to a motel to get drunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1211
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98
7 Comments
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By Little tears - 2/1/2021 14:05 - United States

Cranking

  Today, I was so sad and lonely that I drunkenly masturbated to Game of Thrones scenes featuring Petyr Baelish. FML
I agree, your life sucks
259
You deserved it
643
3 Comments
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By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 22:56 - United States - Montpelier

Join the club

  Today, for the first time in 8 months, I got laid and it was amazing. Unfortunately, it's kicked my latent sex drive into hyperdrive. Best part? No idea when I might have sex again, so apparently I just have to live with being ragingly horny for the foreseeable future. FML
I agree, your life sucks
888
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255
8 Comments
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By Ray - 31/12/2020 16:58

Anticlimactic

  Today, my boyfriend told me I'm the best lay of his life. I really wish I could say the same about him. FML
I agree, your life sucks
708
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246
4 Comments
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By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Pants on fire

  Today, I was told by my sister over the dinner table that some guy is telling people I’ve had sex with him; that’s not even the worst part. He’s telling people my sister walked in. One, I haven’t talked to him in years; two, he’s really not my type, three, I’m in a relationship. FML
I agree, your life sucks
810
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62
3 Comments
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By AloneAtPerkins - 21/12/2020 23:04

Intense

  Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and it started getting heated. I climbed on top of him and took his shirt off, but I guess my brain had a different idea. I ended up clinging to him for dear life because my brain decided that now was a good time for a seizure. Mood ruined. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1291
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82
2 Comments
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By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 08:02

Take care

  Today, after close to 10 years of marriage, my wife’s health has improved enough she is craving sex again. Just not with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1176
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88
6 Comments
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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 20:01

Reverse Uno

  Today, while trying to be sexy for my fiancé by going to change his background photo to a naughty pic of myself, I found out he's been actively cheating on me. For almost a year, with multiple women. When confronted, he tried telling how hard me finding out was for HIM. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1196
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111
3 Comments
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By Alex - 15/12/2020 13:58

Booty non-call

  Today, my girl sent me a naked booty pic, telling me not to be late home. When I got home, she was in dirty old sweatpants, too upset for sex because her celebrity crush died. Not in real life, in one of the TV shows she's watching. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1122
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166
3 Comments
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By Lucas - 14/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Smells like victory

  Today, during oral sex, my wife squirted, which she’s never done before, and I was so surprised I accidentally breathed it straight up my nose. It’s been 3 hours and it’s still all I can smell FML
I agree, your life sucks
933
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291
7 Comments
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By Ash - 13/12/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

Sex ban

  Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I failed to notice I’ve been on a sex ban as punishment for upsetting her mother 3 weeks ago. Three weeks isn’t even our longest no sex period; we’ve gone months without sex before for no good reason, so is it any wonder I didn’t notice after only 3 weeks? FML
I agree, your life sucks
1067
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259
14 Comments
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By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 09:38 - India

The cringe is real

  Today, I was excited for my very first oral sex session. Didn't imagine that the guy would bite everywhere like a beaver trying to be sexy and leave without even cuddling. Definitely didn't match the long sexts. FML
I agree, your life sucks
953
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139
4 Comments
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By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 23:01 - Netherlands

Side effects

  Today, I’ve been horny for weeks on end. Because I’m on antidepressants, I can’t orgasm, so the horniness won’t go away. The only thing I do is go to the gym, where literally EVERYONE seems fuckable. While I’m not depressed anymore, my vagina is. FML
I agree, your life sucks
788
You deserved it
102
4 Comments
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By Anonymous - 7/12/2020 14:02

Awkward

  Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML
I agree, your life sucks
739
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248
4 Comments
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By Anonymous - 7/12/2020 02:02

Cuties

  Today, I shaved my penis and balls. When my girlfriend saw, she said, "You look like my little brother." He's 6 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks
706
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368
8 Comments
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By SoDead - 5/12/2020 04:01 - United States - Center Point

Overbearing parents are the worst

  Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML
I agree, your life sucks
550
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1184
11 Comments
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By fuckingdonuts - United States - Edmond

Say yes

  Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks
32918
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5152
133 Comments
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By onlywantuanyway

Double standards

  Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML
I agree, your life sucks
53739
You deserved it
8262
230 Comments
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By Leyla - Canada - Brampton

Get ready to rumble!

  Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML
I agree, your life sucks
18273
You deserved it
34216
154 Comments
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By makeupsex - Canada

Toxic

  Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he put me through so much heartache last year was because the make-up sex was awesome. FML
I agree, your life sucks
34088
You deserved it
5214
92 Comments
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By 9gingerface66 - United States

Kinky

  Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
I agree, your life sucks
29683
You deserved it
4640
75 Comments
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By Anonymous - United States

Awkward

  Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML
I agree, your life sucks
31459
You deserved it
7180
90 Comments
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By ifeeldirty - United States

Parental advice

  Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
I agree, your life sucks
37926
You deserved it
8826
219 Comments
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By Bellagirl - United States

Sex talk

  Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks
38352
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5463
61 Comments
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Nearly  
Today, I arranged for the President to give a speech in Alamo, Texas. His advance crew instead notified The Alamo in San Antonio, Texas to set up the event....
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Today, I heard my mom and my 11 years old sister talking about how being gay or bi is funny and everybody should be straight.I'm bi(14 years old) and...
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  Spicy
  Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much...
I agree, your life sucks
409
You deserved it
94
6 Comments
  Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks
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