By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 11:01 Technology hates humans Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML I agree, your life sucks 409 You deserved it 94 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kikuhime - 17/1/2021 02:01 Oh, hello Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 845 You deserved it 41 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 13/1/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto Girls will be girls Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 614 You deserved it 447 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 11/1/2021 17:00 Mixed results Today, I realized that in the 3 and half month relationship with a wonderful guy I truly like, so far I've masturbated more than the whole year I was single before I met him. FML I agree, your life sucks 657 You deserved it 186 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 9/1/2021 05:01 - United States No sex for you Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML I agree, your life sucks 762 You deserved it 142 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 20:01 - Australia A for Effort Today, I thought I would spice things up a bit and rocked my man's world, but in the kitchen. Apparently, some of his cum must have got on the tiles because I slipped on it 15 minutes later. In doing so I smacked my head on the fridge.. FML I agree, your life sucks 854 You deserved it 551 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jerry - 4/1/2021 10:58 Best thing to do Today, I walked in on my wife and my buddy from work. They didn’t even stop. I just went to a motel to get drunk. FML I agree, your life sucks 1211 You deserved it 98 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Little tears - 2/1/2021 14:05 - United States Cranking Today, I was so sad and lonely that I drunkenly masturbated to Game of Thrones scenes featuring Petyr Baelish. FML I agree, your life sucks 259 You deserved it 643 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 22:56 - United States - Montpelier Join the club Today, for the first time in 8 months, I got laid and it was amazing. Unfortunately, it's kicked my latent sex drive into hyperdrive. Best part? No idea when I might have sex again, so apparently I just have to live with being ragingly horny for the foreseeable future. FML I agree, your life sucks 888 You deserved it 255 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ray - 31/12/2020 16:58 Anticlimactic Today, my boyfriend told me I'm the best lay of his life. I really wish I could say the same about him. FML I agree, your life sucks 708 You deserved it 246 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom Pants on fire Today, I was told by my sister over the dinner table that some guy is telling people I’ve had sex with him; that’s not even the worst part. He’s telling people my sister walked in. One, I haven’t talked to him in years; two, he’s really not my type, three, I’m in a relationship. FML I agree, your life sucks 810 You deserved it 62 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AloneAtPerkins - 21/12/2020 23:04 Intense Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and it started getting heated. I climbed on top of him and took his shirt off, but I guess my brain had a different idea. I ended up clinging to him for dear life because my brain decided that now was a good time for a seizure. Mood ruined. FML I agree, your life sucks 1291 You deserved it 82 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 08:02 Take care Today, after close to 10 years of marriage, my wife’s health has improved enough she is craving sex again. Just not with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1176 You deserved it 88 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 20:01 Reverse Uno Today, while trying to be sexy for my fiancé by going to change his background photo to a naughty pic of myself, I found out he's been actively cheating on me. For almost a year, with multiple women. When confronted, he tried telling how hard me finding out was for HIM. FML I agree, your life sucks 1196 You deserved it 111 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alex - 15/12/2020 13:58 Booty non-call Today, my girl sent me a naked booty pic, telling me not to be late home. When I got home, she was in dirty old sweatpants, too upset for sex because her celebrity crush died. Not in real life, in one of the TV shows she's watching. FML I agree, your life sucks 1122 You deserved it 166 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lucas - 14/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom Smells like victory Today, during oral sex, my wife squirted, which she’s never done before, and I was so surprised I accidentally breathed it straight up my nose. It’s been 3 hours and it’s still all I can smell FML I agree, your life sucks 933 You deserved it 291 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ash - 13/12/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom Sex ban Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I failed to notice I’ve been on a sex ban as punishment for upsetting her mother 3 weeks ago. Three weeks isn’t even our longest no sex period; we’ve gone months without sex before for no good reason, so is it any wonder I didn’t notice after only 3 weeks? FML I agree, your life sucks 1067 You deserved it 259 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 09:38 - India The cringe is real Today, I was excited for my very first oral sex session. Didn't imagine that the guy would bite everywhere like a beaver trying to be sexy and leave without even cuddling. Definitely didn't match the long sexts. FML I agree, your life sucks 953 You deserved it 139 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 23:01 - Netherlands Side effects Today, I’ve been horny for weeks on end. Because I’m on antidepressants, I can’t orgasm, so the horniness won’t go away. The only thing I do is go to the gym, where literally EVERYONE seems fuckable. While I’m not depressed anymore, my vagina is. FML I agree, your life sucks 788 You deserved it 102 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 7/12/2020 14:02 Awkward Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML I agree, your life sucks 739 You deserved it 248 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 7/12/2020 02:02 Cuties Today, I shaved my penis and balls. When my girlfriend saw, she said, "You look like my little brother." He's 6 years old. FML I agree, your life sucks 706 You deserved it 368 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SoDead - 5/12/2020 04:01 - United States - Center Point Overbearing parents are the worst Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML I agree, your life sucks 550 You deserved it 1184 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuckingdonuts - United States - Edmond Say yes Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML I agree, your life sucks 32918 You deserved it 5152 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By onlywantuanyway Double standards Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML I agree, your life sucks 53739 You deserved it 8262 230 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Leyla - Canada - Brampton Get ready to rumble! Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML I agree, your life sucks 18273 You deserved it 34216 154 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By makeupsex - Canada Toxic Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he put me through so much heartache last year was because the make-up sex was awesome. FML I agree, your life sucks 34088 You deserved it 5214 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 9gingerface66 - United States Kinky Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML I agree, your life sucks 29683 You deserved it 4640 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Awkward Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML I agree, your life sucks 31459 You deserved it 7180 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ifeeldirty - United States Parental advice Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML I agree, your life sucks 37926 You deserved it 8826 219 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bellagirl - United States Sex talk Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 38352 You deserved it 5463 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I arranged for the President to give a speech in Alamo, Texas. His advance crew instead notified The Alamo in San Antonio, Texas to set up the event.... I agree, your life sucks 41 You deserved it 21 1 Comments
Today, I heard my mom and my 11 years old sister talking about how being gay or bi is funny and everybody should be straight.I'm bi(14 years old) and... I agree, your life sucks 81 You deserved it 12 0 Comments
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much... I agree, your life sucks 409 You deserved it 94 6 Comments
Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 845 You deserved it 41 7 Comments