Today, while battling a severe flu, I was forced to come to work by my manager. Upon arrival, I discovered that a colleague he likes who should be covering for me is out today. The reason? Her shoes hurt. FML

By now sharing the blessing - / Wednesday 21 November 2018 23:00 / United States - New York

Today, after a week of no side effects, my bronchitis medication decided to screw me over. I'm running on 3 hours of sleep and half of my face is sunburnt in randomized patches. Guess who has a huge presentation today. FML

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By Justmyluck - / Wednesday 21 November 2018 08:00 / United States - Bloomsburg

Today, as a kindergarten music teacher, my principal came in to observe and evaluate me. I thought I'd gotten the hang of managing 23 5-year-olds, but it was a zoo the whole 30 minutes and I didn’t manage to teach anything. I'm not sure I'll be keeping this job. FML

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cacheson Say more :

Yes, and after working on my classroom management strategies for younger kids my teaching is going much better now.

By cacheson - / Wednesday 21 November 2018 01:04 /

Today, my boss sent a message to a coworker saying, "We're putting all of you back on the phones because one of you can't stop watching Netflix so corporate thinks you guys don't do anything." That person was me. Everyone's pissed at me now. FML

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By stickygoober - / Tuesday 20 November 2018 15:00 / United States - Peoria

Today, my best friend and my ex-boyfriend went on a business trip, got drunk, and ended up sleeping together. Now they want to start dating. FML

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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 20 November 2018 17:35 /

Today, I went to a work event and was having my picture taken with a coworker. Since we had done karaoke together, someone said we should pose like we were singing. I held my hand up like I was holding a mic and opened my mouth. It looked like I was performing a sex act. My boss glared at me. FML

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By Karaoke Queen - / Tuesday 20 November 2018 12:00 /

Today, I went to the bathroom at work and there was a reed diffuser placed on the tank of the toilet. As I sat down, my hair knocked it off and the reed diffuser landed behind me, spilling the scented oil into my butt crack and vagina, burning me completely. I only had to work 6 more hours. FML

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By shinymcface - / Monday 19 November 2018 14:00 /

Today, as I was teaching my 10th grade biology honors class, a student came in with a dead frog and asked if we could dissect it. He tried to toss it to me and missed, so it landed in a girl's lap. She threw up all over me. FML

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By Mr. E - / Wednesday 14 November 2018 17:30 /

Today, my boss created a WhatsApp group called "Forever Alone", added me and only me, and then left so that I could be the only person in the group. FML

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By notlilien - / Wednesday 14 November 2018 15:30 /

Today, I tried to break up a fight between two of my coworkers. They decided to show their gratitude by smashing me in the face with a thick ceramic dish. FML

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By Ouch - / Wednesday 14 November 2018 05:00 /

Today, my boyfriend, who is also my boss, was giving me a blowjob at work. Halfway through, his boss knocked on the door and I had to quickly get dressed and slip out the other door. After leaving, I realized that I was still barefoot and I had to walk back to my desk in front of my colleagues. FML

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By Walk of Shame - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 22:00 /

Today, I broke my glasses. How did I break my glasses? A cow kicked me in the face at work. FML

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By anonymous - / Sunday 11 November 2018 13:30 /

Today, to get back at me for our recent breakup, my ex put a "9/11 was an inside job!" bumper sticker on my car. I work for the government in New York City, and I just got a text saying that my manager wants to talk to me. FML

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By Jamie - / Sunday 11 November 2018 05:00 / United States

Today, my sister got fired and I got promoted to her job, got a nice payrise for it. My relationship with my sister will never be the same again. FML

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 10 November 2018 13:30 /

Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call for an interview. Right in the middle of the call, my phone hung up so the music app could open. I tried calling them back and got no response. FML

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By unemployed - / Friday 9 November 2018 15:30 /

Today, during my yearly review, I was told by my boss that mistakes in my paperwork will be investigated by our company legal team. He also said, "Think of them as the TV or movie version of Internal Affairs" and said I would be considered "guilty until proven innocent." I can't afford to quit. FML

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By GottaGetOuttaHere - / Friday 9 November 2018 13:30 /

Today, a passenger in my taxi left without paying. They left their phone, so I posted a message about it from their social media, exposing them. Turns out they'd stolen the phone from someone else. I ended up getting arrested. FML

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By Unlucky taxi driver - / Thursday 8 November 2018 14:00 /

Today, I got a few splinters at work. In the middle of trying to remove them, my coworkers noticed and decided to "help". Ten minutes later, the splinters are gone and so is the random mole on my palm I've had my whole life. My hand hurts. FML

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Roroma Say more :

Hey OP here it’s my FML but it won’t let me log into my account so I’m using this old one. My hand was a little infected but it’s all healed now so now worries. The mole’s gone af though...

By HowBoutNo - / Thursday 8 November 2018 05:00 /

Today, I found out that the play I'm doing requires me to strip naked and get an erection for a few scenes. It didn’t come up in rehearsal and the play starts in 2 days. I'm not sure how to tell my family who are coming from out of town that my first role involves me playing with my boner. FML

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By Boner Ben - / Thursday 8 November 2018 03:00 /

Today, I accidentally put down the wrong year for my university graduation, so when my prospective boss was checking my references he found no mention of my name in that year's list of graduates. He accused me of faking my qualifications and refused to hire me. It was a 6-figure salary. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 5 November 2018 15:30 /

Today, I was told to be at a job site bright and early. I woke up and pounded several body smashing drinks to get going. They then called to tell me work was canceled due to weather. It's 0600. I can’t get back to sleep. FML

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By ButNotBed - / Sunday 4 November 2018 13:30 /

Today, a woman walked in with her dog into a pet-free zone of my restaurant. When I politely told her that she would have to move, she told me she had a guide dog and would be calling her lawyer. I lost my job by the end of the night because she thinks dog vests are cruel. FML

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FudgeThePolice Say more :

Yo, I’m the OP, I hope the mods of the site will be able to connect me to this story! Since people think I’m being ignorant etc, I decided to make this account to clear things up. First of all, I am fully aware that medically service dogs are allowed basically anywhere - I’ve got friends and family who have a variety of difficult needs and their dogs are a great help. The issue of this whole...

By FudgeThePolice - / Sunday 4 November 2018 03:48 / United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, my boss told me I might get fired because I didn't break up a fist fight. I am over 7 months pregnant and both of the people who were fighting are bigger than me. FML

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Nebraskawreck Say more :

its was two other girls both bigger then me and in their late 20s fighting over donuts.

By Nebraskawreck - / Friday 2 November 2018 20:01 /

World

Netherlands

Today, I had a job interview for my dream job. Then I got a call saying it was cancelled because of a policy change that was issued this morning. I applied over a month ago. FML

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By Girl - / Friday 2 November 2018 15:30 / Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, the CEO of my company told me the only reason I'm being sent to this huge tech conference is because the company will look better with a girl there. I'm expected to stay out until 4am with creepy rich business partners to stroke their egos. FML

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By Annie - / Thursday 1 November 2018 22:15 /

Today, I discovered that I once again forgot my credit card in the vending machine at work. This is the second time in a week that this happened, and now 6 coworkers have bought drinks with my card since I lost it. I have no way of making it back to work for a week. FML

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By ShortTermMemoryFailure - / Thursday 1 November 2018 08:00 / Canada - Halifax

Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML

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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 30 October 2018 15:30 /

Today, as a priest, I was invited to the home of a lady who claimed that the face of Jesus had appeared to her. She took me upstairs to her bathroom and... it was poo. She genuinely thought she could see Jesus in the poo sitting in her toilet bowl. FML

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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 30 October 2018 13:00 / United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, I was turned down for a job because they thought I lied about having a six-month internship. Why? The secretary I told off for stealing my lunch every single day told them she hadn't heard of me, and the new company won't listen. FML

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By Lisa - / Sunday 28 October 2018 22:00 /

Today, I got bullied at work for wanting to wear gloves. The culprit? My GM. My profession? Foodservice. FML

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emeraldapostle Say more :

Hey everyone, OP here. Just letting you kmow that I have since left the job and now OSHA and various health departments are having a hayday with the restaraunt. Thank you everyone for showing concern!

By emeraldapostle - / Saturday 27 October 2018 19:21 /

They are humans !

		Nickname
		Kristel Grondin
		Nell_574
		Jitelle
		TerraGames
		Delphine Brossillon
		Bibinetter
		MamaDol1999
		Michael Cordesse
		Nii Nii
		mathise

Game Ranking

End of game in

Zombie

#	Nickname	Bites
1	whatshername?!	630
2	MysteryGuitarMan	447
3	im365sostressed	7
4	CaseyR	4
5	peheim	1
6	pygmyfrog	1
7	pageelovelyy	0
8	ifckinghateurn	0
9	Basil_Balslamic	0
10	Spitsy	0
#	Total	1090

vampire

#	Nickname	Bites
1	newbiemalestr8	4081
2	BadAtPuns	1717
3	Ashamed_Sister	1000
4	abigiggles	220
5	hellsingthecreator93	183
6	Dave_Davington	135
7	EclipticaLibra	123
8	the_tofu	107
9	Vaella	81
10	Callyn	51
#	Total	8113

werewolf

#	Nickname	Bites
1	MrGoesNuts	1871
2	tinyme2	437
3	Taurus_ChicKa	50
4	thisisbutaname	45
5	Asham Petersheim	31
6	Neptune85	1
7	nancy3312	0
8	ЗАБЕРИТЕ 12 000 РУБ ЗДЕСЬ www.mnogodenehj.cf T6OUO	0
9	ЗАБЕРИТЕ 12 000 РУБ ЗДЕСЬ www.mnogodenegl.gq rzbRR	0
10	yourmom2007	0
#	Total	2435