Work, the best funniest jokes

387

Today, my boss told me to kick out of the hotel anyone who was clearly a prostitute trolling for men. I spotted a woman in a miniskirt approaching a guy in the bar, so I told her politely to leave. Despite the skirt, turns out she's the hotel manager and the man was her fiancé. I got fired so hard and fast. FML

By Lipstick lez - 15/5/2021 11:02

Top brass

590

500

Today, I realized I get paid to hear my boss complain and talk crap. FML

By Anonymous - 14/5/2021 23:59 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Money for whining

506

Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML

By Anonymous - 14/5/2021 22:03

Just a prank, bro

896

158

Today, two girls walked into the clothing store I work in. One of them pulled a shirt from the bottom of a huge stack, knocking it down. One of them asks, "Aren’t your gonna put the stack back together?" The other says, "No, that bitch gets paid to clean that shit up." FML

By Giselle - 14/5/2021 14:01

Customers…

910

Today, I wore my tightest, slightly too small, push-up bra and low cut top to impress a guy at work. He came over to borrow a pen. I leaned down to get one out of my bag and my nipple popped out. FML

By Anonymous - 13/5/2021 17:01

Pick me!

215

1505

Today, I realised that my work office is the building that I have spent by far the most amount of time in throughout my life. FML

By Anonymous - 13/5/2021 10:58

Wage slave

637

Today, my new colleagues took me up on my idea of a group night out. Perhaps they'll actually invite me along next time. FML

By Loner_Lou - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Coming soon, to a place near you…

41838

3143

Today, I had a phone interview for a better position at work. I've been training my puppy recently not to bark. I put on dog-calming videos while she was in the kennel. During the interview, my neighbor's dog started barking and my dog immediately responded back. My boss ended the interview. FML

By Elizabeth Haygood - 13/5/2021 04:01

Dog hater?

835

123

Today, I was put in charge of painting a storage shed. The company owner ordered me to paint it a shade of blue. The site manager order me to paint it red. My boss ordered green paint. FML

By Anonymous - 13/5/2021 00:01

Get creative

829

Today, I was in charge of my team at work but I asked for a demotion, because I was so stressed that I started having nightmares. I feel like everyone freaked out after quarantine. FML

By Anonymous - 12/5/2021 08:01 - Italy

I don't want to do this anymore…

593

Today, I was told I can’t wear a nose ring at my new job because several customers "don’t like it." It’s a very small nose ring and the job is a shack that serves food through a window. FML

By Anonymous - 11/5/2021 00:01

Overreaching

642

289

Today, I found out my boss wrote me up because he heard me crying on the phone, and that it was unprofessional. I was talking to my sister, who was telling that me my father had died. Three weeks ago, he was crying about his dog breaking his leg. FML

By Anonymous - 10/5/2021 17:01 - Australia

Galaxy brain

1515

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend was terminated from work: for having an inappropriate sexual relationship with a coworker, and not because he was "furloughed from COVID" like he said was. Oh, and he got her pregnant. FML

By Abandonedgirl101 - 7/5/2021 11:01

Caught up

1287

Today, I had to go hands-on at work while choking on mace with a man who was mentally disturbed, and it could have been avoided if my supervisor had been less concerned with asserting dominance and instead let the guy come to grips with his situation. Great use of my college degrees. FML

By Anonymous - 6/5/2021 14:01 - United States - Keene

Work sucks, I know

731

Today, at work, I was waiting in line to pay my food at the cafeteria when I noticed the doctor who was in front of me had these really cool looking shoes on. I told him, "I like your shoes!" He turned over, looked at me and didn’t say anything back. FML

By Kim - 5/5/2021 04:01

Ignored

738

111

Today, the company where I used to work at announced that there would be a staff reduction because of the low income caused by the pandemic. I just quit yesterday in favor of another job. All of my former workmates are getting paid their respective settlements because of this termination, while I'm not. FML

By Frankie - 5/5/2021 00:01

Bad timing

624

682

Today, I took my wife and our 6 year-old son to a company party. Sometimes I take my son to work with me, so he knows my coworkers. One of them walked over and introduces herself to my wife, and my son says, "Yeah, they go to into the bathroom together all the time during break!"’ Thanks, son. FML

By Dannotmann - 4/5/2021 22:01

That's awkward

243

2913

Today, after a supervisor, who is a Donald Trump fanatic, kept pestering us with the subject, I decided to debate with him, never swearing or disrespecting him at all. I was fired, presumably for disrespecting a supervisor. FML

By Fuck Trump. - 3/5/2021 14:01

Debate bro

832

469

Today, after a year and a half of overexploitation at work without getting paid for it, I can finally have a deserved vacation. Why? I caught Covid. FML

By Somebody kill me! - 2/5/2021 00:30

Time out

850

105

Today, a colleague was talking about how she'd made some tomato sauce from scratch for her dad, but then he died before she could give it to him. I said she should have put it in the casket with him so the cremation would've been a real barbeque. My filter is broken. FML

By Anonymous - 1/5/2021 17:01

Keep some things to yourself

195

3031

Today, I found out the guy taking the cubicle next to mine is the annoying dudebro who punctuates, like, every sentence he says with, like, the word "like" every, like, three words. Like… FML

By Steve - 30/4/2021 01:59

Shut up! Shut up!

774

Today, I'm on the verge of losing my job because of my poor mental health. I've been on a wait list for therapy/psych services for over a year already. My boss's response was, "It can't be that bad, just stop thinking about it." I have PTSD, OCD, BPD, ADHD, bipolar depression and anxiety. FML

By Anonymous - 29/4/2021 16:59

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

886

181

Today, I sent a reply-all email to my entire company that said "Go tit" instead of "Got it". FML

By Laura - 28/4/2021 11:01

Three cheers for the boobies

510

556

Today, my supervisor at work is now my father-in-law. My girlfriend told me that. FML

By Fucked. - 26/4/2021 07:59

Oh nooooo

714

147

Today, I finally decided to try to get a date with the girl I like at work. While I was looking for her around the office, her supervisor approached me. She's in the hospital due to Covid-19. FML

By John S. - 25/4/2021 16:59

Seize the day

825

101

Today, the cops showed up at my work because people were fighting in the parking lot. This is a nightly occurrence. FML

By dinkley7 - 25/4/2021 02:00

Nice neighborhood

686

Today, we’re supposed to check people’s temperatures before their COVID vaccination. The thermometers don’t work, though. We’re told to just press the on-off-button twice, so they make the same beep-beep sound as if they were functioning to make people feel safe. FML

By Jules - 25/4/2021 00:30

Get your vaccinations if you can

1062

101

Today, apparently according to my parents, since they raised me, it gives them the right to use the money I worked hard for, and there’s nothing I can do about it. FML

By Anonymous - 24/4/2021 05:00

Better Call Saul

949

Today, I was chewed out by my boss for reporting someone not wearing a mask in our store, because, "no one likes a snitch." I'm the security guard. It's my job to report that to her. FML

By ActionBastard - 23/4/2021 04:59

Make your mind up

1032

125