FML : Work, Your everyday life stories

Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

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By lifeguardfuckup - / Thursday 14 February 2019 15:17 / United States

Today, I had a meeting with HR that resulted in me being dismissed for poor performance. I was confused because up until that point, my line manager had said my performance was exemplary. Turns out it wasn't, and he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to be stressed. FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

By - / Wednesday 19 December 2018 13:00 / United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, despite the schedule saying I was off, I found out I’m supposed to be working because my boss changed the schedule without my knowledge. FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

By MBrabs1996 - / Wednesday 19 December 2018 05:00 /

Today, I have a busy week scheduled at work, so I took my file home to smash out some reports. Naturally I did not do any work at home and then I also forgot to take the file back to work the next day. Instead of saving time, I wasted an hour driving home to collect it. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 17 December 2018 13:30 /

Today, I arrived to apply for my much-needed dream job. Without warning, just as the elevator opened, a complete stranger kicked me square in the nads. FML

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By Greg - / Sunday 16 December 2018 13:30 /

Today, I had to follow a pony that had flatulent, severe diarrhoea for an hour in order to collect enough liquid for a sample. FML

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You deserved it

By drew the short straw - / Saturday 15 December 2018 13:30 /

Today I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said bye to him...only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML

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By - / Thursday 13 December 2018 03:00 /

Today, my mother once again called me to remind me what a disappointment I am despite having two degrees, a house, a professional job and having never been unemployed at 25. FML

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By Mick_The_Disappointment - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 15:30 /

Today I had a narrow escape with a nailgun that nailed my workboot to the floor but luckily missed my foot. After I calmed down and changed boots I returned to the nailgun, started working again and barely 30 seconds later I managed to nail my thumb to a piece of wood. Man, I'm bad at my job. FML

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By - / Monday 10 December 2018 22:00 /

Today, my two co-workers got the promotion we were all working for. The reason they got the promotion and not me? My interview got cancelled because of a policy change, implemented that day. FML

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You deserved it

By Anoniem - / Monday 10 December 2018 17:30 / Netherlands

Today, my coworker spilled sticky fruit glaze all over my cake display cake and left it overnight uncleaned. The same display case I spent 2 hours cleaning the day before. FML

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By Kaitlyn Aronson - / Friday 7 December 2018 15:30 /

Today my job started requiring all transactions regarding cigarettes or alcohol to have the ID scanned before proceeding. There is no way yo bypass this function. I carded a 60 year old man and his 40 year old son who both yelled at me for 10 minutes. FML

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By IDPlease - / Friday 7 December 2018 03:00 /

Today, I work in retail and today this guy shoved me into the shelves for asking if he needed help with anything screaming at me that I need to leave him alone. FML

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You deserved it

By iwillcutyou - / Thursday 6 December 2018 07:30 / United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I have gastro. I sent a text my husband: “It’s definitely a don’t trust a fart day, thankfully haven’t been caught out yet”, but accidentally text my manager instead. FML

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You deserved it

By Distrusting - / Tuesday 4 December 2018 17:30 /

Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 3 December 2018 14:00 /

Today, I learned after weeks of waiting that my order of vinyl siding had been shipped to a contractor in another state, who installed it without realizing it was the wrong style and color. I would have to wait weeks for a new shipment, except the manufacturer has discontinued it. FML

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By Anonymous - / Sunday 2 December 2018 15:30 /

World

Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and then going to her place, not only did she not want sex, she also wanted me to leave and told me she never wanted to see me again. FML

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You deserved it

By IDon’tKnowAnymore - / Sunday 2 December 2018 08:00 / Canada - Ottawa

Today, I had a morning shift at the restaurant and didn't feel like wearing makeup. I was energetic and greeted everyone happily, but my manager told me I looked tired. I said, "Oh no I'm just not wearing makeup!" He said, "Well, you might need it." FML

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You deserved it

By definitelynotugly - / Sunday 2 December 2018 12:00 /

Today, at my first day of my dream job, I dropped a delicate $700 piece of machinery on the ground. FML

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You deserved it

By tattooapprentice - / Saturday 1 December 2018 17:30 /

Today, we had our busiest day at work all year with lots of angry people calling, and a co-worker called in sick. I went to my local game shop after work, exhausted and upset, and guess who was at his usual table running a Dungeons and Dragons group, apparently not too sick to go out. Yeah. FML

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 1 December 2018 14:00 /

Today, I was driving slightly off road for work to clean a well. I didn't want to get my boots muddy by walking the last 20 ft through mud, so I tried to drive through. I spent the next four hours on hands and knees digging my way out. FML

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By Phil - / Friday 30 November 2018 08:00 / United States - Plain City

Today, I had a meeting with my girlfriend, who I live with and work with but on different teams. Both our teams got laid off. FML

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By Panda Man - / Thursday 29 November 2018 08:30 / United States - Seattle

Today, after starting my new career as a server, two women were kind enough to leave a $5 tip... while still owing $6.84 on their bill. FML

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You deserved it

By 2broke4ajoke - / Thursday 29 November 2018 13:30 /

World

Canada

Today, it only took 25 minutes of working before I was covered in old man pee. I think that's a new personal best. FML

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By weezie757 - / Wednesday 28 November 2018 11:30 / Canada

Today, my boss is out of the office and sent me an e-mail asking me to multiply two numbers together and send her the result. Apparently she doesn't know that her smartphone has a calculator app. FML

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You deserved it

By Barry Wom - / Wednesday 28 November 2018 12:00 /

Today, I went to open my store but corporate had changed the locks without notice. The store's being sold. FML

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You deserved it

By BugDTV - / Tuesday 27 November 2018 09:30 / United States - Auburn

Today, after realizing I had 130 unused vacation hours, I requested two weeks off. My vacation time was denied, but my boss still gave me the time off. So I don't have work for 2 weeks, all unpaid. FML

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You deserved it

By Stevejobs - / Monday 26 November 2018 17:30 /

Today, I was loving on a dog at work. I noticed her fur was coarse and short and I'd never felt anything like it before. I broke out in hives all over my face. This happens whenever I'm around any cats, guinea pigs, or rabbits and now some dogs apparently. I'm in school to be a vet tech. FML

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You deserved it

By SensitiveTech - / Monday 26 November 2018 12:00 /

Today, I had a job interview. I got there as quick as I could, having to travel 2 hours into a city I'd never been to. When I arrived, they told me I was turned down for being too late. They'd rescheduled the interview an hour earlier and I wasn't notified of the change. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Sunday 25 November 2018 13:00 / United States - Seattle

Today, I had a good day at work. I got all of my stuff done, I got to eat, and I got to clock out on time. It only became a bad day when I was told by my boss that today was my day off. FML

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You deserved it

By emeraldapostle - / Sunday 25 November 2018 17:30 /

FML

Nearly

Today I was going to bed with my wife and she was giving all the signs that she wanted to get it on. I rolled to her side of the bed and made my move....

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Today...I woke up only to find out that I had gotten so drunk the night before and taken home 3 guys. I don't know what happened but everything hurts....

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Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Australia

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Spicy

Today I found out why my inlaws hate me so much. Apparently my husband told his brother, who then told the entire family, he caught me cheating a while...

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You deserved it

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we...

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You deserved it

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