FML : Home

Today, for the second time in two months, the person in the bathroom stall next to me commented on how loud I pee. This time, she made racehorse noises. I'm now too self-conscious to pee in public again. FML

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By likearacehorse - / Tuesday 12 February 2013 22:58 / United States - Franklin Lakes

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

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By Mr. Shawzy / Thursday 15 January 2009 11:43 / Canada

Today, I was told by my boyfriend's parents to never come back to his house again, and was given a lecture about rule breaking. Apparently, curfew is midnight, and he isn't allowed to have girls over. This didn't sound so unreasonable until I remembered that we're both almost 30. FML

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Anasztaizia Say more :

OP here! #51, you are both correct and incorrect. It IS actually his place, but he bought it off his parents. TL;DR: when they decided it was time to downsize, he bought their house off them, but they haven't moved out yet. The mentality of it still being their house, their rules (which I agree is sensible) hasn't quite left their heads yet.

By Anasztaizia / Thursday 26 March 2015 06:58 / United States - Burnsville

Today, my boyfriend and I found out my Nuva ring comes out quite easily, especially when he manages to hook it around the tip of his dick. FML

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By Kortnie Peterman - / Monday 2 July 2018 05:00 /

Today, at the store, I heard a kid complaining about getting braces. While I was saying 'thank you' and 'bye' to the cashier, his grandma must've seen my slightly crooked teeth. She pointed and said, "Without them, your teeth will look bad like that man's!" Everyone around looked at me. FML

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By teef - / Tuesday 24 March 2009 08:19 / Canada

There is a better way...

Even if you cut a few branches...

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By Lewis - / Tuesday 25 December 2018 19:00 / France - Paris

Today, I realized I say "sorry" more than anything else during sex with my girlfriend. FML

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By mpsteve137 / Saturday 30 June 2012 06:21 / United States - Acworth

Today, I went to work at a hotel. One of the guests decided to play the piano in the lobby. He's deaf. Unfortunately, I'm not. FML

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By torturedears - / Friday 5 April 2013 04:20 / United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I was in an audition for a production at this theater in town. The directors at the table loved my audition. One of them said "I'd love to talk to you about coming to TCU." I said "Oh, yeah! I know Harry Parker at TCU who runs the theater department." I said this to Harry Parker. FML

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By Zak - / Friday 3 April 2009 02:12 / United States

Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML

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By sunny_ca559 / Wednesday 3 March 2010 01:03 / United States

Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by the girl I like. FML

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 6 August 2011 21:34 / United States

Today, I was in a terrific mood after finding a bouquet of beautiful flowers on my doorstep when I came home. That is, until I recognised the handwriting of my "secret admirer" was the same as my mother's. FML

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By mfnfhdjdjddjsjfn / Monday 3 September 2012 08:39 / Australia - Sydney

Today, my cat still loves me too much. He schedules his dumps for when I'm doing my makeup in the bathroom so he can stay with me. I either have to suffer the noxious odor or be late for work. This is a daily thing. FML

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oh_lordy_me Say more :

OP here! I would love to move his litter box but in a one bedroom apartment it's pretty useless, unless I want the smell in the bedroom or living room/kitchen! As for shutting the door, I probably should! Took me a little while to realize what he was doing, since this is a recent habit of his. The little turd (pun intended) used to chill with me as I was getting ready and him meowing outside of the...

By oh_lordy_me - / Thursday 24 September 2015 17:53 / United States - Chicago