Random FMLs

By lbg2msf - 06/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Biloxi

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 828

You deserved it 9 493

By Anon - 28/12/2012 08:14 - United States - Southbury

Today, I was racing my friends to the car for shotgun in the parking lot at night. I opened the passenger door of the car to find an old lady staring at me. It was the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 296

You deserved it 35 583

By toothbreaker - 22/08/2019 11:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I bought my very first college textbook. I received a stack of hole-punched papers. My $195 "book" isn’t even bound together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 181

Red flag

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 11:01

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 3 years has spent a total of 2k on OnlyFans throughout our entire relationship. I thought everything was going good. I guess that's the red flag for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 218

By Alex - 30/09/2009 06:46 - Belgium

Today, I was notified that I've been going to the wrong courses for 4 weeks. A friend of mine was the only person to tell me that the administration had taken the privilege to change my courses. I have now failed 5 courses due to absences and have been suspended from college for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 643

You deserved it 5 372

Weird assumption

By writer4life - 17/01/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 027

You deserved it 6 306

By anon - 18/01/2012 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 535

You deserved it 5 590

By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 03:33 - United States

Today, my wife and I had a huge fight. I was getting ready to go to sleep on the couch when she came downstairs and grabbed a very large metal spoon. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 948

You deserved it 4 239

Uncomfortable

By Vanessa8221 - 26/06/2018 14:30 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I gave a sexual harassment seminar, explaining how important it is to not do anything that makes coworkers uncomfortable. Someone joked, "Like telling you your fly is open?" I tried to zip up, but it got caught on my underwear. There were 20 minutes left in the program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 944

You deserved it 642

By LucidNightmare - 27/01/2013 05:38 - United States - Englewood

Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 738

You deserved it 18 687

By stutterernotschizophrenic - 15/11/2010 03:43

Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 780

You deserved it 2 977

By hoboman - 02/09/2009 15:12 - United States

Today, I was turned down from my dream job at a graphic design firm. Before the interview, concerned about my hobo style would not impress the company, I shaved, cut my long hair, and even bought a suit. They said I wasn't "free-spirited and creative enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 494

You deserved it 6 719

By Joel - 25/08/2010 19:13 - United States

Today, I made a mistake at work that got 7 people fired. I'm scared to leave the office because they're all outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 511

You deserved it 70 012

Bombed

By Anonymous - 20/11/2022 08:00 - United States

Today, I bombed a job interview after preparing overnight for it. It was literally my only opportunity to survive during this era of layoffs and hiring freezes, but I totally fudged it. I fucked it so hard that I can't feel my genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 227

Get out

By Anonymous - 16/03/2021 11:59 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my abusive ex-husband thought it was a good idea to buy the house next door and start living there immediately. Looks like I gotta move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 74

Modern romance...

By Anonymous - 29/11/2017 15:31

Today, I sent a great-quality booty pic to two of my love interests. Instead of sending it individually, I accidentally made a group chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 8 677

Quick thinking

By me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 030

You deserved it 35 362

By Oh no - 13/10/2018 03:00

Today, I went searching for my old school laptop only to find that my stepdad had swiped it and given it to his mother. My sex tapes and nudes are on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 748

You deserved it 1 983

By DrunkenShopper - 03/09/2012 05:24 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I woke up to a bunch of email notifications confirming all the drunken purchases I made last night on Amazon. Most of them can't be cancelled. This is the fourth time in a month. An "ironic" wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 136

You deserved it 36 523

By Anna Lete - 12/07/2017 21:31

Today, my apartment was flooded due to a broken pipe, which caused a huge family of cockroaches to disperse. Did you know they can fly? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 916

You deserved it 328

More issues than Vogue

By Anonymous - 04/07/2020 20:00

Today, my wife is grumpy because our son has his first girlfriend and she feels like she’s been replaced. Our son is 32 and surely it’s about damn time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 157

By Greattitan2 - 29/06/2015 20:34 - United States - Beaufort

Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 600

You deserved it 1 901

Thanks, I hate this

By fat girl - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - North Pole

Today, my coworkers threw me a surprise baby shower. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 426

You deserved it 5 672

By notyourparkingspot - 25/05/2017 16:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a guy who lives in my condo complex threatened to take my husband and me to small claims court. Why? He was mad about the $300 fine to get his truck back after it was towed, because he was parked in our spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 328

You deserved it 360

By KayIsKiwi99 - 29/08/2016 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 375

You deserved it 16 182

By anonymous - 12/11/2014 05:21 - United States - Elk River

Today, my boyfriend bought us plane tickets to Mexico for our "Honeymoon". This would be nice if he had proposed and if we'd been dating for longer than 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 776

You deserved it 3 607

Irrational

By Anonymous - 23/02/2016 11:10 - France - Brunoy

Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 136

You deserved it 1 451

Bad employee

By Anonymous - 18/05/2021 20:01

Today, I ran into my boss when I was at the beach. He told me he was sorry for my loss. I asked him, "What loss?" Then I remembered I’d lied about taking time off under the pretense of bereavement of my grandmother passing away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 2 729

Hi, how are you?

By black_pheonix77 - 03/07/2020 02:02

Today, even though I’m not allowed to be on my phone while on the line at work, I texted an unknown number. My manager looked at her Apple Watch. I'd texted my manager while on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 2 262

Kinda sus

By Anonymous - 03/09/2022 15:00 - France

Today, I like it rough in bed and found the perfect lover to have fun with. Now I have to choose between going to work fully covered while it's 35°C and sweat like a pig, or to go lightly dressed and show a VERY suspicious amount of marks on my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 1 985

Keywords

Break-ups Love Death Doctor Health Relatable Kids Education Vegan ACAB Cops Parents Scary Sex Delivery Cute Embarrassing Amazon Weird Gross Work Customers Toxic Pranks Medication Insomnia Sleep Public freakouts Fight Abuse

The Top

Aujourd’hui, sur un chantier, j’ai déposé ma nouvelle veste que j’adore dans le local du personnel. Je travaillais, quand soudain le propriétaire des lieux s’exclame : "Dites, c’est à vous ce tapis ?" VDM

I agree, your life sucks 3 413

You deserved it 385

Aujourd'hui, chez le médecin, une patiente sort du cabinet en hurlant qu'elle a peut-être le COVID, mais qu'elle refuse de se faire tester. Elle s'assoit à nouveau dans la salle d'attente, enlève son masque, et tousse sans arrêt pour parler avec sa copine, comme si elles étaient au marché. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 4 220

You deserved it 39 439

The Top

Today, my mother sent a picture that was meant for her husband. I cannot unsee what I have seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 061

You deserved it 198

Today, and for the past few weeks, I've been hyper-aware of my heartbeat, and super paranoid that it’s just going to randomly stop beating at any time. This is a constant state for me, and it isn’t going away no matter what I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 223

Today, it’s mine and my fiancée’s two year anniversary. No, not our engagement or dating anniversary, it’s the two year anniversary of when we last had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 334

Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 336

You deserved it 15 532

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 661

You deserved it 3 950

Today, I realized that the black leggings I wear quite often become see-through when I bend over. I have been showing the world my ass as well as my thong for over a month now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 475

You deserved it 56 711