FML - The follow-up

Today, my fiancé asked me how soon I wanted him to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9347

I agree, your life sucks 9347

You deserved it 819

You deserved it 819

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fedmisery Say more :

OP here. Yes, he was assuming I wanted him to move out of our shared apartment. In good news, we worked it out. It's been a rough few months and we've been under a lot of work stress, and it hasn't helped our relationship. But - still in it for the long haul! And you don't need to hate on the staff, they're just trying their best. We all are, right?

By fedmisery / Monday 7 November 2016 05:13 / United States - Alexandria

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7293

I agree, your life sucks 7293

You deserved it 49761

You deserved it 49761

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By FutureMarine3658 / Wednesday 8 August 2012 14:00 / United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number I said 'Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number'. So many girls have given me that number, I memorized it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58418

I agree, your life sucks 58418

You deserved it 6629

You deserved it 6629

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By toobad - / Tuesday 2 June 2009 05:41 / United States

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50232

I agree, your life sucks 50232

You deserved it 3834

You deserved it 3834

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By Anonymous - / Friday 28 June 2013 18:07 / Egypt - Cairo

Today, I decided to ride my bike to the bus stop to go to school. I wasn't even half way and the last bus had already left. I figured I would loop around instead of going back the way I came and ended up riding 16 miles before I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7743

I agree, your life sucks 7743

You deserved it 19794

You deserved it 19794

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By Alex / Friday 16 January 2009 09:40 / United States

Today, I watched my best friend get married to the guy I have been in love with since the 8th grade. I was the maid of honor, and had to give a toast to the couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70954

I agree, your life sucks 70954

You deserved it 17499

You deserved it 17499

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 4 July 2009 01:45 / United States

FML - The follow-up

Today, my class and I were discussing our country's relationship with other countries. One person stated that the French have never done anything for us. A classmate took that moment to chime in and ask, "I thought the French gave us that giant statue of the Mona Lisa?" He was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11287

I agree, your life sucks 11287

You deserved it 917

You deserved it 917

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crazymentalblond Say more :

OP here, when the second classmate made his announcement, everyone went silent (I swear crickets were chirping). He went into a ramble that sounded oddly like "the statue we got it in 1962." It took us all a few minutes to stifle our laughter to correct him. After that, yes someone did inform the first guy he was indeed wrong and told him several reasons why. At least it was a good way to...

By crazymentalblond - / Thursday 17 November 2016 11:47 / United States - Havertown

Today, my 23-year old boyfriend is not talking to me because I bought the regular kind of macaroni and cheese instead of the cartoon kind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37915

I agree, your life sucks 37915

You deserved it 18221

You deserved it 18221

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By liz / Friday 16 July 2010 19:45 / United States

Today, as I was shampooing my hair in the shower, the power went out. Since my house has well water, no power means no water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5868

I agree, your life sucks 5868

You deserved it 342

You deserved it 342

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By Pandy1031 - / Thursday 9 February 2017 08:00 / United States - Crofton

Today, my boyfriend renamed all the contacts in my phone to see if I'd notice. Thanks to him, I've been sending dirty texts to my boss. The worst part is my boss was responding back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51704

I agree, your life sucks 51704

You deserved it 6012

You deserved it 6012

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By fmylife117 / Thursday 17 February 2011 18:37 / United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27910

I agree, your life sucks 27910

You deserved it 5717

You deserved it 5717

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By girlllll - / Tuesday 1 June 2010 12:31 / Denmark

Today, I drove my husband's car to the mall because my car was in the shop. The bumper was being repaired because I got rear ended while stopped at a traffic light. While stopped at the same intersection I got rear ended again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36445

I agree, your life sucks 36445

You deserved it 3798

You deserved it 3798

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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 29 September 2009 03:00 / United States

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30100

I agree, your life sucks 30100

You deserved it 4555

You deserved it 4555

175

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By dzisfml / Sunday 14 February 2010 08:42 / Canada

BLOG

9

FML : with or without filter!

Now we've overhauled FML and introduced new features, we reckoned it was time to make the way the website and our smartphone apps...

By Alan / Friday 6 May 2016 10:07 /

Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58616

I agree, your life sucks 58616

You deserved it 4426

You deserved it 4426

2

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By Maxime - / Friday 28 February 2014 00:32 / France - Paris

FML - The follow-up

Today, my son's hamster died. It was overweight and got stuck in its plastic tube. My 6 year old son came downstairs to me smashing a plastic tube with a dead hamster in it on the kitchen table. He thinks I killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36265

I agree, your life sucks 36265

You deserved it 5186

You deserved it 5186

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freylero Say more :

Basically, he's had hamsters that have dies before, and we always gave them a funeral... so I didn't want to bury him in a plastic tube so my husband gave me the job of removing the hamster....

By freylero / Tuesday 27 October 2009 19:35 / United Kingdom

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30782

I agree, your life sucks 30782

You deserved it 3247

You deserved it 3247

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By majorlyturnedoff - / Tuesday 21 August 2012 03:02 / United States

Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came, "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59955

I agree, your life sucks 59955

You deserved it 4863

You deserved it 4863

120

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0

14

4

By hannaholic - / Friday 3 July 2009 07:24 / United States

Today, the girl who I was in love with for almost seven years listed me on facebook as her "Brother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37593

I agree, your life sucks 37593

You deserved it 6355

You deserved it 6355

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 2 October 2010 02:11 / Israel

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28318

I agree, your life sucks 28318

You deserved it 2526

You deserved it 2526

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By Waste Someone Else's Time / Sunday 28 June 2015 05:06 / United States

Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30786

I agree, your life sucks 30786

You deserved it 3118

You deserved it 3118

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By Anonymous - / Thursday 22 January 2015 18:27 / United States - Katy

Today, I threw a rock in the air and watched it soar. And watched it come back down and hit me in the face. Gravity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7725

I agree, your life sucks 7725

You deserved it 52207

You deserved it 52207

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By Gale / Tuesday 13 January 2009 15:01 / United States

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment were working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39673

I agree, your life sucks 39673

You deserved it 2976

You deserved it 2976

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By someone / Wednesday 2 September 2009 11:00 / Denmark

Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11742

I agree, your life sucks 11742

You deserved it 61612

You deserved it 61612

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By hickey - / Friday 5 February 2010 10:35 / United States

Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced myself, she wrinkled up her face and said, "I'd hoped you'd be hotter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33192

I agree, your life sucks 33192

You deserved it 2739

You deserved it 2739

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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 27 January 2015 01:43 / United States - Richmond

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44398

I agree, your life sucks 44398

You deserved it 5492

You deserved it 5492

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By 404: fuck not given - / Sunday 23 November 2014 16:34 / United States - Saint Louis

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to sleep over at his house. Then he found out that it was that time of the month for me, so he told me that he had to work this weekend and said "see you sometime next week." He doesn't have a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31752

I agree, your life sucks 31752

You deserved it 4764

You deserved it 4764

104

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By JustMyLuck - / Friday 12 February 2010 14:14 / Canada

Today, after applying sunscreen to myself every two hours, I still got sunburned. Through my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32916

I agree, your life sucks 32916

You deserved it 4606

You deserved it 4606

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By Username / Sunday 17 July 2011 19:59 / United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19730

I agree, your life sucks 19730

You deserved it 34934

You deserved it 34934

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By me / Saturday 29 October 2011 04:43 / United States

Today, while at the club, I started dancing with a girl who I had noticed throughout the night. When she turned around she firmly stated, "I'd much rather dance by myself". FML

I agree, your life sucks 7123

I agree, your life sucks 7123

You deserved it 4090

You deserved it 4090

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By oddbrien / Tuesday 13 December 2016 03:34 / United States - Baltimore

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend broke up with me. She immediately asked if it was because I didn't put out. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14004

I agree, your life sucks 14004

You deserved it 1334

You deserved it 1334

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By LittleLou / Sunday 16 October 2016 04:28 / United States

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37628

I agree, your life sucks 37628

You deserved it 3678

You deserved it 3678

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By Anonymous / Thursday 27 November 2014 18:51 / United States - Athens

Today, I made a batch of "special" brownies for a party I was going to tonight. I wrapped them up and put them on the counter with a note that said DO NOT EAT. Later on I came home from some errands to find a tray of half eaten brownies and my ten year old sister passed out on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13921

I agree, your life sucks 13921

You deserved it 58813

You deserved it 58813

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By badsister - / Sunday 10 January 2010 15:37 / United States

FML - The follow-up

Today, for the tenth time, my teacher made a misbehaving student sit next to me as punishment. He begged for detention instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52312

I agree, your life sucks 52312

You deserved it 5710

You deserved it 5710

105

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WinkleBottom Say more :

Breath or body odor isn't the issue. I'm just a quiet kid in a room of loud ones. I guess I'm boring, eh? Also, no, I do not stick my penis in fish tacos.

By WinkleBottom - / Monday 4 November 2013 22:01 / United States

Today, my boss gave me a new assignment at work: go online and look for my own replacement, then interview him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31308

I agree, your life sucks 31308

You deserved it 2175

You deserved it 2175

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By Anonymous - / Sunday 17 June 2012 08:50 / United Kingdom - Manchester

World

France

  Today, my roommate showed me what my girlfriend’s favorite position was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 18

You deserved it 18

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By Titi12 - / Tuesday 1 March 2011 01:49 / France

Today, I was jamming out in my car, tapping my fingers on the wheel and bobbing my head. At the next stoplight, I happened to look over and the passenger of the car next to me was holding a sign in the window saying, "I bet you don't have a boyfriend, do you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34229

I agree, your life sucks 34229

You deserved it 6304

You deserved it 6304

146

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By brittbrat4 / Tuesday 5 July 2011 00:25 / United States

Today, I learned that not texting my girlfriend for two days is considered dumping her, and is ample reason to screw other men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23470

I agree, your life sucks 23470

You deserved it 9604

You deserved it 9604

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By Singleagain - / Tuesday 19 April 2016 12:01 / Sint Maarten (Dutch part) - Philipsburg

Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31351

I agree, your life sucks 31351

You deserved it 1840

You deserved it 1840

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By crakbbyaparently / Saturday 31 January 2009 01:34 / United States

Today, I didn't make dinner fast enough so somebody had a yelling and screaming temper tantrum. It would be understandable if the person who threw the tantrum was a child, and not my 57-year-old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33870

I agree, your life sucks 33870

You deserved it 2864

You deserved it 2864

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By mnote - / Thursday 23 October 2014 15:56 / United States - Sapulpa