Home - FML

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Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

By Anonymous - 16/8/2010 04:11 - United States

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Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML

By Anonymous - 4/4/2015 14:35 - France - Melesse

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Today, I bought an apartment over what I have just learned to be an Irish folk music store. FML

By CrazzY88s - 6/6/2010 16:00 - Ireland

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Today, when I went to my gp for an annual check up, I was complaining to the nurse about my chronically sore ankle. Turns out it has been fractured for 8 years. When I was 11 I was playing in my grans garden and went over on it. FML

By - 6/12/2018 21:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

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Today, my neighbor at my apartment building told me water from my sink was leaking into his apartment. He told me to call maintenance to fix it, but they won't help unless he calls. He refuses to, and I can't do my dishes without feeling like an asshole. FML

By Anonymous - 5/3/2015 02:05

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Today, was my boyfriends mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

By Anonymous - 9/8/2009 17:15 - United States

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Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML

By stellarshaun - 16/1/2009 22:10 - United States

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Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years. He stared at me, then said "Yeah, okay then. I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun. Not quite the response I was hoping for. FML

By Jessica - 23/3/2013 19:00 - United States - Brighton

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Today, I got lost at Best Buy. Meanwhile, my mom freaked out, and they called out my name over the intercom. When I walked up to the desk and they saw I was 17, the employees burst out laughing. FML

By Anna - 2/10/2012 17:37 - United States - Murfreesboro

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Today, while using the bathroom I gave the toilet a courtesy flush, only for it to overflow and soak my pants. That would've been bad enough even if I hadn't been at work, with five hours left on my shift and no change of clothes. FML

By Anonymous - 30/7/2016 13:45 - Maldives

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By Nadine - 22/5/2018 22:00

Two Men Who Were Posting People's Mugshots Have Been Arrested For Extortion. Here Are Their Mugshots.

FML? Or just plain karma?

Today, I repeatedly screamed so loudly and with such emotion at a video game, that my neighbours thought I was in trouble and called the police. FML

By thatscreamerguy - 3/4/2012 11:11 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

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For anybody wondering, it was "Medieval 2 Total War" on very hard mode. I don't own a microphone, and don't play Call of Duty. Watching the Iberian peninsula falling to unstoppable Moorish hordes really tugs at the heartstrings though, y'know?

thatscreamerguy Say more :

By blow me - 7/8/2015 16:36 - Australia - Vermont

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

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By Alan - 28/11/2016 15:07

Caption today's FML Photo!

Hello everyone! It's the beginning of the week, everyone's sad and lonely after breaking up with our significant others...

Today, I was on the bus and a woman got on with her 3 young children. I offered her my seat so they could all sit together. When I went to get off the bus I realized I left my bag underneath my old seat. When I tried to get it back the woman hit me and yelled at me for trying to steal her purse. FML

By gabby - 13/12/2009 17:30 - Canada

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Today, I spent nearly half an hour clearing several inches of snow off my car. After almost suffering from hypothermia, I finished. Except the car keys were missing from my pocket, presumably buried under a foot of snow. FML

By frozen solid - 6/1/2014 02:04 - United States - Allentown

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Today, I found a used condom in my trash can. I have been happily married to my wife for 7 years, and we use other forms of birth control. FML

By Anonymous - 31/3/2012 04:49 - United States - Grand Prairie

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Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

By kaycie_lynn - 19/2/2010 01:11 - United States

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Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML

By me - 2/1/2016 08:25 - United States - Opelousas

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Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML

By Anonymous - 22/2/2014 21:02 - United States - Antelope

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Today, my boyfriend asked me to try humming during a blow job. He seemed to like it at first, but apparently "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan wasn't a good choice. He still isn't speaking to me. FML

By disney_dick - 8/1/2018 00:00 - United States - Mims

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Today, my boyfriend sang "happy birthday" to my vagina. It was my birthday last month and he forgot, but he remembered the date of the first time he went down on me. FML

By me - 19/2/2012 11:37 - Australia

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Today, I decided to use hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML

By Anonymous - 8/9/2012 17:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

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Today, while playing paintball, a shot ricocheted off a wall and slammed into my nuts. I told the other team I was out and tried to run out of the field, but as I was jogging to the door I was hit again in the balls. My friend saw this and dropped his gun, laughing. It hit me too. FML

By ow - 18/12/2016 18:33

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Today, during a family meal, my mother-in-law asked me to list the foods I didn't like, which includes bananas. For some reason my husband felt it was necessary to specify: "except mine!" FML

By Anonymous - 30/5/2017 21:00 - France

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Today, I found out I was getting a divorce. My wife is leaving me for my brother, saying that now that he has money there is nothing that can stand in their way. I recently decided to send him money to help him get back on his feet. FML

By hahahaha090114 - 30/1/2010 18:59 - United States

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Today, at my job at a pet store, my boss told me to go outside and hand out flyers. I saw a man sitting on a bench and walked up, saying, "Hi! Do you have a pet?" He teared up and said, "I just put her down this morning." FML

By fishyrael - 30/10/2019 20:00

The Rainbow Bridge

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Today, I saw a photo on Instagram of my friend flipping the camera the bird. She'd tagged it under "irony", so I jokingly suggested that she borrow a dictionary. She responded with a tirade of abuse, claimed to be sleeping with my boyfriend, and blocked me an hour later. FML

By Anonymous - 14/12/2012 00:51 - Australia - Kew

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Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

By SterlingSilver91 - 3/9/2011 23:49 - Canada

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Today, I was walking down the street when I passed a construction site. All of the workers started making a fuss and whistling, etc. Naturally, I got very flustered. I stood still for a second and faced them. One yelled for me to move because I was in the way of a girl at a stop light. FML

By Noname - 8/3/2009 23:40 - United States

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Today, it's my wedding day. I have a cold sore that makes me look like The Joker. Make-up won't cover it and the emergency medicine my doctor gave me only irritates it more. My future husband asks, "Why so serious?" and laughs whenever he sees me. Fantastic. FML

By sharibaby - 30/4/2013 21:26 - United States - Colorado Springs

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Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML

By Anonymous - 30/5/2009 11:39 - Canada

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Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML

By Nighty-nitrogen - 10/5/2016 00:07 - United States - Hollywood

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Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

By lanbon182 - 10/4/2009 05:11 - United States

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Today, my company is doing so bad that I had to take down my symbolic first dollar so that I could buy a roll of crackers for dinner. FML

By smurftastic - 3/9/2013 03:03 - United States - Murrieta

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Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

By Anonymous - 18/5/2009 06:45 - Canada

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Today, my husband asked me to show him my boob. I began to pull the side of my shirt down when he said, "No, not that one, the big one." FML

By sarah6786 - 22/1/2013 02:27 - United States - Schenectady

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Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

By Emmy - 2/10/2011 06:36 - United States

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Today, I was on my way to meet the girl I like at the beach. I parked my truck and walked to the restaurant where I was supposed to meet her. She wasn't there so I called her and she told me she cancelled because it started raining. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. FML

By Weathersucks - 17/1/2010 05:13 - France

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