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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

#20773891
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45098) - you deserved it (13946)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:58am - animals - by kutekittykatz (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

#21430214
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24453) - you deserved it (4492)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm - health - by oh no (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

#20517914
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31564) - you deserved it (3619)

On 02/22/2013 at 7:31pm - health - by arse of fire :( (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

#5243722
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32080) - you deserved it (4795)

On 09/14/2009 at 12:20am - animals - by catpeecathy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while visiting my widowed great aunt, she took out her wedding rings and talked about the love she and my uncle had. Smiling, I told her that one day I hope to have as happy a marriage as theirs. Her response? "Knowing you, I wouldn't count on it." My mother sat there agreeing. FML

#20189035
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20257) - you deserved it (2155)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:17am - misc - by Stupendous_ - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

#20499970
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16490) - you deserved it (57179)

On 02/09/2013 at 6:26pm - misc - by mhmm... cumsquats (man) - Belgium (Brabant)

Today, due to my wife saying I never cook and we always order pizza, I spent a good hour preparing dinner. While serving it to my kids, they started complaining. My wife told them to shut up. When she took a bite, she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Do you, you know, want to just order pizza?" FML

#21108567
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40978) - you deserved it (5630)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by Max - United States

Today, it was my first day at work as a waitress. The day ended with me owing my employers money, after I accidentally smashed an expensive bottle of wine on the floor. FML

#18493927
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24217) - you deserved it (4715)

On 12/12/2011 at 12:08pm - work - by isuckasawaitress (woman) - Singapore

Today, I passed out when my blood sugar dropped. Three times. And each time, my roommate, who was right next to me, just let me fall because he liked the way my face looked. FML

#16063448
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36061) - you deserved it (4423)

On 05/06/2011 at 12:27am - health - by Koda -

Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML

#20066828
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7527) - you deserved it (28750)

On 09/10/2012 at 10:04pm - misc - by mrs14 - United States

Today, my friends thought it'd be funny to hold lighters under the smoke alarms while I was sleeping. FML

#14632650
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22423) - you deserved it (2881)

On 01/18/2011 at 10:40pm - misc - by desertpunk75 (man) - United States (California)

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

#15098921
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20468) - you deserved it (22021)

On 02/24/2011 at 3:27am - misc - by Eric Forrest - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

#17418352
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37602) - you deserved it (5583)

On 08/09/2011 at 1:38pm - misc - by iliketoastalot - United States (New York)

Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML

#16367942
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36592) - you deserved it (2971)

On 05/27/2011 at 1:46am - work - by Alice - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend telling me to be romantic, I decided to make a romantic bath for us, complete with oil bath beads. After we get ready to take the bath, she puts her hand in the water and says she won't get it because 'it feels slimy'. I enjoyed a romantic bath alone. FML

#13978523
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28746) - you deserved it (3724)

On 11/25/2010 at 7:55pm - love - by TheCrackerNinja - United States (Texas)

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