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Only FMLs I didn't vote on | All the FMLs

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

#21125472
117 comments

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

#17467525
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13802) - you deserved it (25590)

On 08/14/2011 at 4:17am - animals - by romea244 - United States (Puerto Rico)

Today, my mother offered to pay for my tickets to go see my girlfriend who I haven't seen for 6 months. She was happy to pay for the £130 flight, but then refused half way through the purchase because she wasn't going to "let the buggers charge £13 extra" for using her credit card. FML

#17668770
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25391) - you deserved it (3348)

On 09/05/2011 at 7:32am - misc - by Grounded (man) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, I lost my job because I was doing my work too quickly, getting too much done and the supervisor was afraid I was bored. I have only been here for 3 weeks and already had the best stats on the team. FML

#7445889
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32851) - you deserved it (2239)

On 01/19/2010 at 9:33pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

#21021931
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42471) - you deserved it (13259)

On 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm - misc - by chapstick (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was expecting a very important work call. Today was also the day I got insuppressible diarrhea. As I was running to the washroom, the phone rang. I didn't make it to the washroom or the phone. FML

#10832589
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29478) - you deserved it (3356)

On 05/29/2010 at 12:04am - health - by phonesnshit (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friends learned that if you play "connect the dots" with the pimples on my back the resulting picture is a large penis. FML

#17910918
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33731) - you deserved it (5183)

On 10/05/2011 at 12:08pm - misc - by Hoggiebear - United States (Georgia)

Today, my waiter turned to me and asked, "Let me guess, Miss I'm-not-fat-I'm-fluffy wants a diet coke?" FML

#19895683
348 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40566) - you deserved it (9644)

On 07/05/2012 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML

#19240450
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27802) - you deserved it (7109)

On 03/08/2012 at 5:23pm - misc - by shelly - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

#20104660
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28905) - you deserved it (2061)

On 10/06/2012 at 6:58pm - animals - by banj0 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after months of being on anti-depression medication and feeling very little emotionally, I finally felt some joy. Sadly it was from completely crushing my husband in an argument he started, where he claimed ketchup is a vegetable. FML

#21107568
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38925) - you deserved it (4633)

On 04/08/2014 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Veneto)

Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML

#20665269
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43790) - you deserved it (3219)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML

#3620839
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10722) - you deserved it (90686)

On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML

#15334781
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47181) - you deserved it (3784)

On 03/16/2011 at 8:53am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad got into an argument with the cashier about how overpriced the scented tampons were. FML

#17663031
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30706) - you deserved it (2675)

On 09/04/2011 at 5:17pm - misc - by ohaifml - United States (Texas)

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