Today, while enjoying a lovely 80 degree day, I returned from a 2-hour bike ride to find my truck window smashed. The only thing taken was my change of clothes. My insurance company says it'll cost $1000 to replace the window. I feel like I got robbed twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

acmariner99 Say more :

OP here. Yeah, 1k is what the insurance company told me. I knew it was a ripoff and found a local repair shop to fix the window for ... much less than that. I am not sure what the thieves saw in a bag of grubby shorts and a t-shirt, but that’s what they took. And why the f am listed as being in Indianapolis, I live nowhere near there. LOL.

By acmariner99 - / Saturday 17 November 2018 18:35 / United States - Indianapolis

Today, while in a parking lot, I accidentally cut someone off out of pure nervousness as I'm a new driver. I got out of my car to apologize, and they responded by beating me and my car to a pulp with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By haley - / Friday 16 November 2018 14:00 /

Today, despite the carriage being entirely empty, a large man chose to sit right beside me on the train. After making me uncomfortable with personal questions, he asked if we could be friends and hang out, both of which I shyly declined. He then accused me of being a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By just socially awkward - / Friday 16 November 2018 12:00 /

Today, at 16 years old, I got "the talk" from Dad. He began with "I don’t really need to give you the talk do I? It would just be awkward for us both." I agreed with him, and we drove home in silence. Thanks for avoiding the awkwardness, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By TalkedTo - / Wednesday 14 November 2018 03:00 /

Today, I received a notice that I'm being fined for failure to renew my Florida license. I've lived in Maryland for the last seven years and I've never had a Florida license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By LicenseLoser - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 15:30 /

Today, I bought a new $10,000 car since my old one broke down. Today, I also found out the old one wasn’t starting because i never had it in park. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By crossl17 - / Monday 12 November 2018 15:30 /

Today, to get back at me for our recent breakup, my ex put a "9/11 was an inside job!" bumper sticker on my car. I work for the government in New York City, and I just got a text saying that my manager wants to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Jamie - / Sunday 11 November 2018 05:00 / United States

Today, a passenger in my taxi left without paying. They left their phone, so I posted a message about it from their social media, exposing them. Turns out they'd stolen the phone from someone else. I ended up getting arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Unlucky taxi driver - / Thursday 8 November 2018 14:00 /

Today, I got into a car accident and totaled my car. Also today, someone bought themselves $600 worth of office furniture online with my bank info. My bank doesn’t believe me so they won’t help me get the money back. I'm broke and carless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Monday 5 November 2018 05:00 /

World

Today, while teaching my brother to drive on the freeway, I told him to downshift from 4th to 3rd. He went into 1st instead, blowing my engine and transmission. I can't afford to get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By willkftw - / Saturday 3 November 2018 23:30 / Australia - Blackburn

Today, a tree fell on our 3-month-old family car. Today, I also learned that my husband never insured it. It's probably scrap, and we still have to pay it off for the next 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By in debt - / Thursday 1 November 2018 13:30 /

Today, being the man of the house, I decided to work on the car. Long story short, there's a towel in my transmission. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Robert Herrin - / Wednesday 31 October 2018 13:30 /

Today, while on the bus, I started a conversation with the person next to me. After a little back and forth, she finally said, "Do you think people will stop talking to me if I say I have aids?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By NotYourTracy - / Tuesday 30 October 2018 13:30 /

Today, I got a ticket for doing 38mph in a 45mph zone. Apparently you can be cited for "impeding traffic" even when you're the only car on the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Joel - / Sunday 28 October 2018 15:30 /

Today, my former boss, a landlord, came through on his "parting gift" to me. I thought he was joking when he said he'd send a deranged tenant of ours cross-country by bus to stay with me for a week. It wasn't a joke. Send help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By GeofftyGeoff - / Saturday 27 October 2018 15:30 /

Today, I couldn't get my car hood to open to check the fluids. A few miles down the highway, though, it popped right open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By defectivesuperhero - / Friday 26 October 2018 13:30 /

Today, after taking a massive shit, I flushed the toilet and it clogged. It flooded to the brim and the shit came rising to the top. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed some toilet paper and picked it up, ran to my balcony, and launched it. It landed on my neighbor's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Malakai - / Tuesday 23 October 2018 22:00 /

World

Today, after I ran and just caught the train home after work, it took me 4 steps to realise I had driven to work that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By rachgirl6 - / Monday 22 October 2018 23:00 / Australia

Today, I drove a total of 4 hours for my boss to demote me, downgrade my pay, and make the kid I hired my new boss. Why? Because I asked about the $500 missing from my paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Dino - / Sunday 21 October 2018 14:00 /

Today, I was pulled over and given a ticket for a broken tail light. On the way to the mechanic. To get my tail light fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By fuji - / Tuesday 16 October 2018 17:30 /

Today, I was working on my laptop when the screen suddenly turned red. I was shocked since it's not that old, but my insurance just expired. On my way to the service I was thinking, "At least my car works!" Well... A few hours later, my car broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Murphy's law - / Saturday 13 October 2018 13:30 /

Today, my garage got broken into and someone stole my $3000 bike. I bought it a month ago while I recovered from a knee injury. I just got enough strength 2 days ago to ride it. I've only ridden it once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By XxrudyxX - / Friday 12 October 2018 05:30 / Canada - Fort Saskatchewan

Today, I helped this guy get into his truck after he'd locked his keys in it, and he said thank you and went on his way. Ten minutes later, a woman came out of the grocery store and freaked out, saying someone stole her truck. I helped a guy steal a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 10 October 2018 16:00 / United States

World

Today, a lady on the subway sat next to me. She kept huffing and burping and was holding a plastic bag. I couldn't even finish the thought, "please don't puke on me" because she puked on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By 1DisGR8 - / Wednesday 10 October 2018 07:30 / Canada - Toronto

Today, I was cuddling with the girl I've been seeing for the past few months. She was saying how much she liked me and how much I meant to her. Reciprocating those feelings, I asked her to be my girlfriend. It was a HARD no for her. Then she drove me an hour and a half home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 9 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, I hit someone’s car and got arrested for a DUI. I had to tell my parents so they could remove me from the insurance. My mom's response in the background after I told my dad was "I knew it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Sunday 7 October 2018 12:00 /

World

Today, I flew cross-country. Since the movers with my furniture and car won't arrive for 2 weeks, I packed several bags with most of my clothes and charging cords. The airline lost them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By screwedflyer - / Wednesday 3 October 2018 14:00 / Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was stopped in traffic when a woman rear-ended me, backed up, and sped off along the shoulder, taking my passenger side mirror with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 2 October 2018 17:30 /

Today, my dad moved my car onto the street so he wouldn't accidentally back into it while moving our boat. My neighbor backed into it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By therosalina - / Monday 1 October 2018 10:30 / United States - Duluth

Today, the blinker on my car was broken so I decided to play it safe and drive a different car to work. I guess it wouldn’t have mattered which car I drove, as the cop nicely told me one of the headlights was out when he pulled me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By llostinreality - / Sunday 30 September 2018 07:00 / United States - Milwaukee

They are humans !

		Nickname
		kazuwela
		aspr
		hm55
		cesaire33
		hyperion77
		Léa Foulon
		Lucillei
		jellysart
		maaaag
		babyonemoretime

Game Ranking

End of game in

Zombie

#		Nickname	Bites
1		whatshername?!	533
2		MysteryGuitarMan	447
3		im365sostressed	7
4		CaseyR	4
5		pageelovelyy	0
6		ifckinghateurn	0
7		Basil_Balslamic	0
8		Spitsy	0
9		lindsayyy18	0
10		swilli24	0
#		Total	991

vampire

#		Nickname	Bites
1		newbiemalestr8	3062
2		BadAtPuns	1579
3		Ashamed_Sister	1000
4		abigiggles	220
5		hellsingthecreator93	183
6		Dave_Davington	135
7		EclipticaLibra	123
8		Vaella	81
9		Callyn	49
10		xsandra	45
#		Total	6788

werewolf

#		Nickname	Bites
1		MrGoesNuts	1641
2		tinyme2	70
3		Taurus_ChicKa	50
4		thisisbutaname	40
5		ЗАБЕРИТЕ 12 000 РУБ ЗДЕСЬ www.mnogodenehj.cf T6OUO	0
6		ЗАБЕРИТЕ 12 000 РУБ ЗДЕСЬ www.mnogodenegl.gq rzbRR	0
7		yourmom2007	0
8		Smitty0808	0
9		pizzaisgood805	0
10		Anaisjames24	0
#		Total	1801

Happy birthday !

SirThuswindburn

See all birthdays

FML

Today, after 10 years of intense training, I earned a black belt in karate. When I told my mom, she asked how long it took me, then laughed and sarcastically...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, I am yet again doing two management jobs for minimum wage. Whilst drowning in paperwork, a coworker asked me asked me to "be a dear" and file and...

See all the Nearly FMLs

Loading data…

Today, my partner heard the cat about to puke and shoved her off the bed. I found this out in the morning. With my foot. FML

Today, I sharted. While I was naked. Standing on a new carpet in my girlfriend's bedroom. In front of my girlfriend. FML

See all the World FMLs

See all FML photos

Spicy

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Spicy FMLs