Transportation, the best funniest jokes

524

Today, I got into a accident at the dunes, rolling a Razor buggy. Last weekend, I sleepwalked and microwaved my phone. Last month, I gave myself third degree burns while curling my hair. I need to live in a bubble. FML

By bubble wrapped girl - 13/5/2021 19:01 - United States - Medford

Bad omens all around

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221

Today, I pulled up to an intersection behind a car waiting to turn left and we missed a whole set of lights. As I was getting frustrated that they weren’t going when the light was green, I realised I was waiting behind a parked car. FML

By Anonymous - 7/5/2021 17:01 - New Zealand

Classic

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880

Today, I was listening to an inappropriate song while driving around when I heard my 3 year-old in the back seat say the n-word. If you hear kids screaming, "LEGOS, LEGOS!" out of the windows as I drive by, that's my pathetic attempt at reversing the language they heard. FML

By Anonymous - 3/5/2021 13:01 - Canada - Westbridge

Kids hear EVERYTHING

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966

Today, I told my girlfriend that one of my intellectually challenged friends now holds an engineering position at an aircraft company. She wasn't a fan of flying before, and now refuses to set foot anywhere near any aircraft of any kind. FML

By Anonymous - 30/4/2021 23:02

Freaked out

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Today, I was brake-checking a Dodge Charger who was attempting to run me off. It was an undercover police car. FML

By Anonymous - 26/4/2021 20:00

Road rage

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Today, after my car died a mile from my house, I huffed, puffed and pushed it back to my house off the street, so I wouldn't get a ticket overnight. After getting it towed to the shop in the morning, I got a call telling me they put gas in it for me and it starts up fine now. FML

By Shawn Kotris - 25/4/2021 21:30

Dumdum moment

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Today, after searching online and in the newspaper for an affordable used vehicle, I finally came across one that wasn't a scam or the seller lying about the actual condition of the vehicle. It was legit and and sold about 10 minutes after the seller gave me his info for me to go look at it. FML

By Anonymous - 24/4/2021 23:01 - United States - High Springs

Used car, one careful owner

739

Today, a colleague crashed a drone into my almost brand new car. I even asked him before if it was OK to park there or if I should better park somewhere else, and he said, "No problem" and bragged about being the best drone pilot. FML

By macone - 24/4/2021 21:30

Droning on

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Today, my best friend is giving me the silent treatment and has blocked me on Facebook. All because I missed her 30th birthday dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. I’d gotten into a car accident earlier and had to be treated for minor injuries in the ER. FML

By BadFriend - 4/4/2021 20:00 - United States

Compassion

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Today, my teenage stepdaughter wrecked her third car texting and driving. I’ve pleaded with my husband to stop buying her new ones and to revoke her driving privileges. He’s so desperate for her to love him that he’ll give her literally anything. I’m scared she’s going to get someone killed. FML

By can’t buy her love - 22/3/2021 18:01 - United States

Menace II Society

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Today, I have severe endometriosis and it's severely damaged my bowels. I was on a bus, and we got stuck in a traffic jam. The bus was delayed by 40 minutes and whilst I was stuck on it, I pooped myself. An old lady gave me a shawl to hide the damage. FML

By Anonymous - 16/3/2021 14:00

Heavy traffic

1277

Today, I got not one but two flat tires after hitting two separate potholes big enough to take chunks out if my original rim and to bend the shit out of my spare. This was in about a 3 mile radius and within minutes of each other. FML

By Jess - 12/3/2021 14:01

Bad car day

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Today, my work made us all get up at 3 a.m. to head to the airport for our 7 a.m. flight, only for us to get to the airport and find out the flight is cancelled. FML

By Anonymous - 11/3/2021 20:01

Wake up Boo!

898

Today, my Uber passenger stole one of the rear floor mats out of my car. FML

By lukey101 - 12/3/2021 02:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Uber Thiefs

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Today, I paid over $500 to pick up my car from the mechanic, after it'd spent almost a month there. It broke down again on the way home. FML

By Car Problems - 3/3/2021 20:01

Wreck

950

Today, after several hours, two pharmacies, several bus rides, $20, and many phone calls, I returned home. Guess who still doesn't have a glucose monitor? Yup, I have to go do this all again tomorrow. FML

By Niniva - 1/3/2021 08:01 - United States - Dahlonega

Scarcity

886

Today, my dad was looking for something in the garage and accidentally knocked over a heavy box, which crushed the new side view mirror I'd bought for my car, because the one my car originally had, he smashed it against a pole while driving my car recently. FML

By Anonymous - 28/2/2021 00:01 - Puerto Rico - Aguas Buenas

Dad, stop driving my car

970

Today, my fiancée wrecked my car so I had to use my other car to pick her up. Ten minutes after I did, my other car broke down in the middle of the road and I had to get it towed. My insurance covers none of these incidents. FML

By leogs23 - 27/2/2021 16:58

Insurance is a scam

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Today, I had to catch a bus to work, as my car had to be taken in yesterday. The bad drivers always upset my stomach with their instant stop/start driving style. I felt a burp coming on, but it turned out to be projectile vomit that filled my mask right up and poured down my shirt and pants. FML

By Anonymous - 27/2/2021 02:01

Great start to the day

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Today, I was on the subway and there was a guy yelling, "Regret your sins and devote yourself to God right now." Another man got up from his seat and told him, "I work 12 hours a day and all I want is to go home and rest, you shut the fuck up or I'll make you meet God personally." FML

By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 04:56

The joys of public transportation

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Today, after waiting a week for an update on my car after the engine blew, all covered by warranty, I was informed that my car is under investigation for warranty fraud. This is its fourth engine. FML

By Anonymous - 15/2/2021 02:01

Christine

816

Today, I wanted to go shopping in my new car that I bought just a month ago. When I stepped outside, I saw someone had smashed the driver side's window. They didn't even steal anything. FML

By volvo_owner - 10/2/2021 02:01 - Germany - Harsefeld

Vandals!

893

Today, I was driving into work in my hubby’s truck. It’s his pride and joy. I managed to both get a flat tire and lock my keys inside the truck at a gas station, with my face mask also inside. Oh, and it’s 19 degrees. At least it’s sunny. FML

By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 14:00

Silver linings

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Today, my car broke down. Yesterday, my husband mentioned he found my dream car for sale, but I'd insisted my car had a lot of miles left and we should save money. They sold my dream car this morning. Now I'm carless. FML

By JaneSimple - 5/2/2021 17:01

Carless whisper

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Today, I got into an accident, driving pretty slowly on a left turn signal trying to avoid a curb, sticking it out for too long, breaking a car's sideview mirror and causing scratches. The police was called. I have to appear in court for a misdemeanour for my first offence ever. Good bye student visa. FML

By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 14:01

Slow moving accident

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Today, while on my way to deliver aluminum to a customer on top of a really steep hill, there wasn't enough room to do a U-turn without clipping a vehicle. I had to go through some mud, so now the company semi is bumper-deep in it. FML

By Anonymous - 13/1/2021 23:00 - United States

Stuck

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Today my husband went to buy a car from some guy from Facebook. He ended up giving the guy $1000 upfront before receiving the title or bill of sale. So now, we have a car we can't use, we're completely broke now and the guy is ghosting us. FML

By Anonymous - 12/1/2021 17:01

Scammed

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Today, after I was done testing a group of people for Covid, the universe decided that no, the deed was not good enough. On the way to the bus stop, I slipped and had to ride home covered in mud. FML

By Muddyidiot - 6/1/2021 05:01

Good deeds

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Today, the parking shuttle for work pulled away right as I was walking up to it. I was late to work. For the second day in a row. FML

By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 01:58

Wait for me!

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