Love: Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone... - FML

By hahahehehohohoo - 07/02/2009 03:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324 375

You deserved it 58 657

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 12:07 - Israel - Ramat Hasharon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 167

You deserved it 8 759

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Bronx

Spicy

Today, I got locked in my boyfriend's garage in my underwear while his parents ripped him a new one for having sex beneath their roof. His sister had to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 560

You deserved it 5 053

Wakey wakey

By DanJames24 - 24/05/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Southsea

Today, my flatmate woke me up early, saying there was a fire and we had to evacuate. Barely awake, she practically dragged me downstairs and got to the front door. Once we got there, she opened the front door, kneed me in the nuts, and pushed me out, locking it behind her. I was only in boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 162

By wookieewhosshe - 19/03/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 125

You deserved it 397

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 619

You deserved it 43 665

By avocadotoe - 14/11/2016 06:52 - United States - Big Bear Lake

Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 204

You deserved it 3 115

By Ignorant - 07/10/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, my husband and I had a HUGE fight, but we had amazing make up sex so I figured it was over. When I woke up, I realized my mistake. I was tied to the four bed posts completely naked and a sign was taped on the ceiling. "Repairman coming in an hour. Gave him a key. Have all your clothes. Have fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 000

You deserved it 897

By Anonymous - 07/09/2009 21:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 208

You deserved it 3 465

Why would you do that?

By Sam - 23/11/2009 01:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 112

You deserved it 29 796

Some people just don't like surprises

By alone and horny - 20/06/2020 20:01

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 832

You deserved it 1 727

Next

Top comments

xXxRandiexXx 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 13:32

I would dump him. he just left you there!!!

Pewsily 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 14:19

Hahaha, this made my day!

Comments

xXxRandiexXx 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 13:32

I would dump him. he just left you there!!!

killpro 0

Monday 15 March 2010 15:01

Did the fireman spray his hose all over you before he cut the chain?

the101dan 0

Sunday 1 August 2010 7:25

I think this is fake.. because the name is hahahaheeheehoohooing.

DisappearingRose 18

Tuesday 31 August 2010 6:10

I would have left them too. Except I would at least try to put clothes on them.

PenguiniPalooza 6

Thursday 21 July 2011 17:53

So would I. Thats as rude as heck! If he truly loved you he would've stayed with you or until he found the key.

vickiejiang1990 0

Thursday 21 July 2011 18:16

I swear to god, if u two get married and there's an actual fire, he would run off with all the money and left u in a brnibg house...

tatababe 1

Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:03

You should do the same to him

countrydevil 6

Wednesday 24 August 2011 3:57

is your boyfriend eminem? or do u happen to be rhianna?

alexroa50 0

Saturday 31 March 2012 21:34

Imagine the firefighter FML "Today, someone pull off the alarm in a college so i went there hoping to save someones life. I ended up cutting some handcuffs from a naked girl." LOL

Satoaoi 13

Friday 18 January 2013 12:19

very especially dumped

MoreGravity 1

Thursday 13 February 2014 3:27

A-*******-men

Pewsily 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 14:19

Hahaha, this made my day!

hiitisbrooke 28

Sunday 5 August 2012 8:04

Ima tie you to the bed and set this ******* house on fire

gurg 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 16:16

dexter's gotta point!

NorfolkDude 2

Saturday 7 February 2009 21:40

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Baseball2015 0

Saturday 10 December 2011 15:24

You are a jerk

LibbieCelaya 0

Sunday 8 January 2012 4:59

Well, at least you knew it was a fake and felt bad about it in the end.

BellaBear90 27

Monday 9 September 2013 18:34

She slipped down the stairs so you tied her to a bed naked and left her??

tkeeton46 17

Tuesday 23 June 2015 2:34

Jerk

Melly_fml 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 22:13

i hope you are secretly looking for a new partner

anoellem 1

Tuesday 22 May 2012 15:52

Or just dumps him for being a dick

LenWK 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 6:54

Are there any pictures of this incident?

CptGap 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:41

hahahahahah Len ur hilarious

smileyysss 0

Monday 25 July 2011 6:03

horny much?

a268 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 13:37

get your own back...cuff him ..dress him in your underwear and leave the slimeball there

2random 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 15:52

hahaha thats the funniest thing i have read all day !!!

MCart_fml 0

Tuesday 10 February 2009 23:46

Lesson: Handcuffs come with two keys per pair for a reason. Maybe time to put a hide-a-key behind the bed post? I appreciate your taste though for using high quality hand cuffs!

rulechibippl 0

Wednesday 11 February 2009 3:47

ha...im sorry for this but its funny. He should have at least had the decency to cover you up before he left or something and not leave you naked.

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 635

You deserved it 42 712

Today, the girl I love who friendzoned me called to talk. She shared the marvelous things she'd done for her friend's birthday, then said, "You had a recent birthday too." Then she laughed. We'd talked multiple times without her mentioning my birthday. She ignored it on Facebook. Time for no contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 173

The Top

Today, my coworker and I announced that we are spending our holidays together, because we both have kids. My boss then announced that he's coming with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 131

You deserved it 4 013

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 721

You deserved it 2 532

Today, my daughter was stung by a bark scorpion, requiring a visit to the ER. Luckily, we were seen quickly. Unfortunately, due to a new policy, the medicine used to treat the sting is not available for children as it "might" cause low blood pressure. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 072

You deserved it 242

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 837

You deserved it 4 971

Today, I mustered up the courage to take a dump in a public toilet so I went to the disabled toilet in our university library. I did my thing, the flush didn't work, I pulled the red string thinking it would do something and a buzzer started ringing throughout the whole university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 2 375

Today, it was supposed to be my night off from the baby. Instead, my wife said she "couldn't even begin to deal", so she locked herself in the bedroom and I had to watch both my baby and my stepson, who both became hyper-needy the second she shut the door. This is the fifth time in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 185