Random Spicy FMLs

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Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

By why - 28/7/2014 01:55 - United States

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Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML

By Andrew - 20/4/2011 16:31 - United States

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Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

By wf - 14/9/2011 18:11 - United States

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Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

By SimpleSimon - 1/7/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

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Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML

By Anonymous - 8/6/2020 23:04

Taste test

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Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

By PCJJacket - 5/5/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

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Today, I was jacking off casually to a picture of my ex-girlfriend, when all of the sudden, my friend sends me an IM picture of a granny bending over which pops up on my screen. I think my sex life is ruined forever. FML

By Anonymous - 18/12/2008 04:32 - United States

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Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

By Nikki - 18/3/2009 03:15 - United States

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Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

By Neglected - 11/12/2013 19:06 - United States - Wimberley

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Today, I copied some files to my phone while borrowing my grandfather's laptop. As I selectively deleted the files from the recycle bin, I noticed some pictures, and ended up seeing way more than I wanted to of his erect penis. FML

By whyyjustwhy - 9/8/2013 17:23 - Estonia - Tallinn

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Today, I spiced things up by lying on the bed and pouring melted white chocolate on myself. I called out to my fiancé to come in. He was 'checking' his favourite scene in Batman vs Superman and couldn't hear me. I was stuck unable to move for ten minutes until he finally heard me. FML

By Chocolaty - 22/7/2016 00:48 - Australia - Geelong

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Today, I found out my wife cheated on me with a guy from her work three times, two months before I proposed to her. She decided to tell me three months into our marriage. FML

By Anonymous - 28/2/2012 02:12 - United States

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Today, my girlfriend confessed to me that she wants to dress me up with her clothes, with wig and makeup. FML

By - 2/1/2009 15:53 - France

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Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

By idk ask freud - 4/7/2013 04:11 - United States - Portland

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Today, for the 25th time, an Indian called my cell phone asking for 'Pinkie'. I don't know who the hell Pinkie is, but I don't appreciate people calling wrong numbers while I'm having it off. FML

By Hth - 8/11/2008 01:07 - United States

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Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML

By anonymouse - 9/3/2011 19:37 - Reserved

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Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

By cameltoeyourface - 26/7/2010 00:42 - United States

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Today, I found out the hard way that I'm severely allergic to latex. FML

By swollenpenis - 25/1/2013 06:11 - Canada - Calgary

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Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

By hala - 16/3/2009 02:18 - United States

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Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years role-plays on the internet, pretending to have sex with men. His response when I confronted him about it? "Which specific incidents are you referring to?" FML

By heterolifepartner - 18/1/2010 06:03 - Australia

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Today, things were getting heated with my girlfriend, so I tried taking her shirt off. Slapping my hands away, she said, "I was only dating you to get my self-confidence up, I'm good now." FML

By Badab1ng - 24/11/2011 06:52 - United States

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Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

By wtf bro - 20/5/2015 08:45 - Australia - Canberra

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Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

By toomuchlove - 2/8/2010 23:32 - United States

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Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

By hotmommy - 20/12/2010 00:23

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Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

By Kate - 7/6/2011 07:50 - United States

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Today, I was talking to my fellow coworker about how nervous I was about sleeping with this guy I really liked. She's been constantly giving me advice about him for months, but today she said "Oh don't worry, he isn't that good in bed anyway." FML

By taurus05 - 14/11/2009 03:02 - United States

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Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML

By Anonymous - 24/1/2010 08:55 - Australia

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Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

By Noname - 20/2/2009 05:06 - United States

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Today, I came home to a furious wife and an answering machine message from a woman neither of us know claiming I got her pregnant. My wife won't believe she got the wrong number. FML

By Innocent - 28/1/2012 13:40

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Today, I looked up the side effects of the antidepressants I've recently started taking. Inability to orgasm is one of them. I can either not be depressed, or I can have an orgasm. FML

By HappinessOrOrgasms - 5/11/2012 19:25 - United States - Tucson

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Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable showerhead. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, 'You too?' FML

By ShowerheadGirl - 9/11/2009 07:06 - United States

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Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years has been cheating on me with a Realtor. The same Realtor who helped me sell my condo so I could move in with my boyfriend. FML

By raaquel - 25/1/2011 06:10 - United States

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Today, my boyfriend cancelled our vacation plans because I'll be on my period, arguing that, "It wouldn't be a real holiday." FML

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 16:44 - France

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Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML

By Anonymous - 26/8/2010 08:15 - United States

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Today, I found a video camera behind a plant in my bedroom. My husband uses it to video tape himself having sex, with another woman. FML

By ugh - 23/9/2009 19:32 - United States

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Today, I was peeing at a urinal, when the man next to me finished up and shook his penis. I got splashed. FML

By itwaswarm - 25/9/2015 21:04 - United States - Stony Brook

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Today, I attempted to wax my "lady area". It hurt more than losing my virginity. FML

By Anonymous - 18/4/2012 19:18 - United Kingdom - Eynsham

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Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

By ugh - 11/3/2013 11:33 - United States - Easthampton

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