Random Spicy

By tammy - 15/08/2010 17:24 - France

Today, a wasp stung my nipple. Twice. The swelling makes it look like I'm growing a third breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 826

You deserved it 4 310

Territorial

By grow up! - 07/08/2021 14:01

Today, I went back home for a visit after nearly 10 years. I met up with some old friends at a bar and had an amazing evening. Afterwards, two of the wives told me I’m never allowed to speak to, nor see their husbands again, since I slept with them in high school. This was years before they even met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 243

Don't knock it until you try it

By Pinsky - 08/12/2021 16:59

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 407

By U_U - 20/10/2013 19:20 - United States

Today, my husband confessed his pregnancy fetish to me, and now wants me to wear a fake belly when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 153

You deserved it 5 149

Excuse me

By Sessionsjc - 23/03/2018 01:00 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, during my run through a nature preserve, I rounded the corner to a pair of legs sticking out on the trail. My first thought was that someone was hurt, but as I got closer I realized it was one guy blowing another on the side of the trail. I had to jump over his legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 718

You deserved it 475

PERVERTS!

By Anonymous - 15/12/2025 09:00

Today, I tackled and punched some pervert for taking up-skirt photos of a teen girl in a store. I’m now being threatened with a lawsuit because the “teen” was actually the guy's very young looking wife and they were doing some kinky role play in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 102

Technique

By jlowder2 - 11/12/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 218

You deserved it 31 219

My eyes! My eyes!

By bleach for my eyes please - 07/03/2021 17:01

Today, I found out the hard way that my sister has an OnlyFans. Not judging sex workers, I just really wish I’d know she goes by a stage name before I opened the clip. The things I’ve seen… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 444

By Humiliated - 14/09/2009 12:58 - United States

Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 102

You deserved it 5 415

Kinky

By sandwichsex - 08/08/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 215

You deserved it 12 035

Movie night

By uncomfortable - 12/03/2009 00:20 - Canada

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 426

You deserved it 5 617

By Who1s269 - 03/05/2013 12:13 - United States

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 288

You deserved it 8 423

By Andrew - 20/04/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 432

You deserved it 11 759

Rollercoaster

By thathoe - 12/11/2021 19:00 - United States - Cloquet

Today, I found I’m pregnant. I hooked up with my ex when my now boyfriend and I had broken up for a week. My ex doesn’t want kids. It’s most likely my ex's kid. My boyfriend has now proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 2 912

By davidthegreat - 05/07/2011 08:27 - Japan

Today, I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm getting older because my pubic hair is turning white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 912

You deserved it 5 927

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 319

You deserved it 4 951

Turned on

By Anonymous - 31/03/2012 15:10 - United States

Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 568

You deserved it 11 142

By chelle - 01/05/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 915

You deserved it 15 683

Suitcase mystery

By BaggedDown - 08/05/2014 01:25 - United States - Rochester

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I'm afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 128

You deserved it 6 368

Unhealthy

By Homeless - 14/06/2021 11:01

Today, my now ex-boyfriend was kind enough to let me live on the couch because I have nowhere to go. I have to see the homewrecker he cheated on me with everyday, and hear them have blood curdling sex every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 421

Hard place

By RohnAbheek - 21/08/2011 17:36 - India

Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a Viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 225

You deserved it 47 410

SORRY!

By imsorry - 14/01/2015 23:57 - United States - Oakland

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 220

You deserved it 7 837

By guest - 01/04/2011 21:33 - United States

Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 180

You deserved it 6 680

Pink Lightsaber

By Obi-Wan - 08/09/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I walked in on my 17 year-old son masturbating. He froze, raised his hand and tried to use the "force" to remove the memory. I'm regretting ever having let him watch Star Wars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 483

To each his own

By AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - 07/09/2022 19:00

Today, I found out my awesome new boyfriend loves a show called Happy Tree Friends, about cutesy animals dying horribly. When I say "loves", I mean he masturbates to it. I'm running very fast and very far away now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 214

Fantasy world

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 16:01

Today, as I was approaching climax with the girl of my dreams, my mom walked in to ask if I had her car keys, took one look and told me I need to get out, find a real woman and stop watching porn with my headphones on, so I can hear when people are climbing the stairs to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 2 073

Wankers

By trainE - 30/03/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 370

You deserved it 94 686

Girl, DIY

By Anonymous - 23/06/2023 03:00

Today, my wife yelled at me to "just stick it up her ass already." No, not for anal sex, it was a suppository she got from the doctor. This is the closest I’ve been to sex in two years, since she decided we were done having sex and won’t even explain why when I ask. We’re only in our 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 199

By jodibut - 06/02/2012 16:18 - United States

Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then sent him the pictures. His reply was, "Can you wash that when you're done?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 792

You deserved it 8 070

You must be kidding me

By SingleAndHomeless - 22/05/2022 18:00

Today, I came home early from work. My boyfriend and I live together. I open the door and I found my best friend watching TV on the couch, wearing lingerie. The room smelled like sex. She acted irrational and defensive, and had the audacity to ask what I was doing here. Bitch, I live here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 898

You deserved it 150

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, as I was walking home from work, I got chased halfway home by a wolf. Yes, a wolf. I live in central Norway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 406

You deserved it 3 144

Today, I went to the supermarket to buy just one item - a single, ripe avocado. After spending way too long choosing the perfect one, I got to the checkout counter. I'd left my wallet at home. I had to abandon my poor avocado. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 568

Today, my best friends became friends with my ex-girlfriend, saying she was really nice. I found this to be an awful lot of BS because my ex didn't even like me, and liked someone else while dating me. That was an arsehole move. My friends all became friendly with her, disregarding my presence, and saying she's "so nice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 209

Today, I found out that I have been declared dead by my credit card company in England because I haven't used it since I moved to Thailand last year. I will need three witnesses to convince them that I'm actually alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 009

You deserved it 2 629

Today, I decided to lighten my hair. I applied the dye and waited 20 minutes. When I went to wash the dye out, the water wouldn't turn on. After my head started to burn, I called the landlord in a panic. Turns out there was a water main break and the entire city block doesn't have water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 783

You deserved it 5 981

Today, I got a new roommate. He's from Mongolia. He has had 5 friends over for the last 7 hours, all speaking Mongolian. This is the most awkward party I have ever been to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 645

You deserved it 1 900