Random spicy FML

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Today, I went to the store for some pads with my dad. We got them and then went to the cashier. That's when he realized that they were scented. He took one out of the box, sniffed it, made me sniff it, then insisted the cashier smell it. FML

By vron991 - 13/5/2012 05:02 - United States - Wilmington

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Today, my girlfriend filmed a video about violence in sexual relationships for a class. I expected a monologue kind of thing. She then told me it was an example video of an encounter with a male classmate. She showed me. It’s pretty much porn. FML

By Oh No... - 5/7/2019 16:00

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Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

By Anonymous - 8/5/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

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Today, I attended my extended family's Christmas dinner. All throughout, my grandmother kept complaining about how the food tasted like crap, and making sexual remarks such as how "the stuffings were far better in my day, if you know what I mean." FML

By Anonymous - 25/12/2011 20:38 - United Kingdom

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Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

By strangely - 25/7/2015 00:12 - United States - San Francisco

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Today, while having sex with the guy I have seen for about 3 years, he answered the phone. I found out that he had a girlfriend while he was inside me. FML

By coltsfoot - 23/5/2010 09:08 - Norway

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Today, I watched my boyfriend's band play a gig. I also found out he pulls the same faces playing the bass as he does when we have sex. FML

By ohnoooooo - 3/10/2009 22:29 - United Kingdom

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Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

By Anonymous - 3/8/2013 20:01 - Portugal

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Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 07:31 - United States

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Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML

By Anonymous - 17/2/2018 06:00

Some people are so... creative.

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Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML

By facepalm - 27/2/2009 08:39 - Singapore

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Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML

By thisreallysucks2 - 23/3/2009 02:15 - United States

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Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 18:50

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Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML

By Anonymous - 18/7/2009 17:15 - United States

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Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML

By Anonymous - 4/12/2011 07:35 - United States

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Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells like fish." FML

By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 02:58 - United States

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Today, I found out my happily married father has been hiring escorts on-line for 3 years. FML

By T.C - 23/1/2010 12:21 - United Kingdom

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Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML

By Anonymous - 30/3/2015 10:30 - United States - Cincinnati

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Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

By KarateKid76 - 5/12/2013 03:19 - Australia - Melbourne

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Today, my girlfriend wanted to try having sex despite her serious body image issues. Unfortunately, I couldn't get it up due to how utterly terrified she looked. Now no matter what I say, she thinks it's all because her body is hideous. FML

By Anonymous - 6/4/2016 16:59 - United States - Meriden

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Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

By Anonymous - 9/10/2012 08:38 - United States - Murrieta

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Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

By Anonymous - 7/6/2013 07:10 - United States - Marion

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Today, I was sitting at a bus stop and a guy stops in front of me and says "Oh very nice. How much?" I reply "You couldn't afford me." An old guy sitting next to me says "I bet I could" and puts his hand on my leg. I forfeited the bus and walked home in the rain. FML

By rice_cake - 22/5/2009 10:52 - Australia

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Today, my boyfriend won't talk to me because I let a giggle slip during sex and he's convinced I was laughing at him. FML

By xoxo - 1/4/2020 02:00 - United States

Miscommunication

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Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

By asleepinclass - 16/3/2009 17:18 - Poland

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Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

By Anonymous - 13/3/2016 16:16 - United States - Smyrna

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Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML

By Anonymous - 8/4/2011 23:42 - United States

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Today, I found out just how close my boyfriend has been getting to our new neighbour's teenage son. I came home from work to find them on my bed and my "straight" boyfriend head down ass up. FML

By Cantunsee - 26/8/2018 06:00

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Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

By Anonymous - 5/9/2019 08:02 - United States - Staten Island

Date grape

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Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

By Ohshit - 17/5/2009 06:42 - United States

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Today, my mom got out a camcorder she's had a while. She said there were tapes of me when I was a child. The first tape I put in was a porno of her and her ex-boyfriend. FML

By Nessa - 10/5/2017 15:00 - United States - Pomona

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Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

By hotmommy - 20/12/2010 00:23

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Today, I finally met my girlfriend's family. When it was time for dinner, I was sent upstairs to get her brother. When I walked in, he was laid out on his bed getting a rimjob from his cousin. FML

By Bleached_Eyes - 2/4/2018 00:00 - United States - Pikesville

Close-Knit Family

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Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML

By Lois - 9/2/2013 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

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Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

By Ab - 10/2/2009 01:50 - United States

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Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML

By Anonymous - 18/2/2012 12:16 - United States

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Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

By Anonymous - 2/2/2012 18:07 - India

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML

By Cinnamon - 18/7/2011 00:04 - Jamaica

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Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML

By angrymother - 27/7/2016 01:21

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