Random Spicy FMLs

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Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 06:21

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Today, it was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo. He sent me a request to video chat so I decided to take off all of my clothes to surprise him. Little did I know, his entire family was at his house and at the computer because he, "wanted to show them what a great girlfriend I am." FML

By Anonymous - 26/7/2009 13:05 - United States

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Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic moment when I made a Star Wars reference. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I said it or the fact that he seemed more turned on by it. FML

By RobinBunny713 - 19/7/2011 03:23 - United States

The Force

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Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

By CatBlock - 31/1/2014 06:16 - United States - Decatur

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Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

By fappy dog - 23/1/2014 21:06 - United States - Granite City

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Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

By Anonymous - 26/5/2010 12:03 - United States

Foot-in-mouth syndrome

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Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 08:39 - United States

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Today, I found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode. I think the worst part is, I'll take what I can get. FML

By Anonymous - 25/10/2010 00:36 - Australia

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Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

By Anonymous - 8/12/2014 04:35 - United States - Long Beach

Let's say, hypothetically…

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Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

By Anonymous - 9/8/2014 19:29 - United Kingdom

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Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

By Anonymous - 15/9/2011 23:54 - Canada

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Today, I was working at the gas station. An old lady was watching me fill her gas tank. A really beautiful girl walked by. I lost concentration and overfilled the tank. I quickly pulled it out and squirted the old lady with a bit of petrol. She was smiling and gave a slight moan. FML

By Fattie - 9/7/2009 17:50 - Malaysia

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Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML

By Ahook1 - 23/8/2010 23:31 - Australia

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Today, I found out that even though my parents have been married for 21 years, our "family friend," who routinely accompanies us on family vacations, completes their threesome. Everyone in town has known for years, except for me and my older brother. FML

By whitechocolate - 20/7/2009 02:05 - United States

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Today, I made a video for a school tour of my apartment in German. The walls in my apartment are thin, so you could hear my sister having phone sex in her room in the background. FML

By Xanadu - 16/4/2011 07:04 - United States

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Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML

By Anonymous - 15/4/2014 16:37 - United States - Erie

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Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

By anonymous - 19/2/2011 13:12 - United States

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Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

By JustSomeGuy - 30/7/2013 03:43 - United States - Bulverde

Like a virgin

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Today, I found out my psycho ex also reads FML. She called me at work, pissed that I'd "publicly humiliated" her on here. I haven't posted about her at all. I'm sure the brick I found thrown through my window a few hours later has nothing to do with her, though. FML

By just die already - 24/4/2016 09:55 - United Kingdom - London

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Today, I found a link to a porn website on my boyfriend's computer. A bit jealous, I asked why it was there. He told me that he thought thinking of me might get boring. FML

By thoughtitwasspecial - 18/5/2011 05:15 - United States

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Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML

By Ohai - 16/1/2009 20:46 - United States

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Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

By wow - 28/5/2014 23:08 - United States - Cape Coral

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Today, I went to take out my NuvaRing. To my surprise, I couldn’t find it. I’ve had unprotected sex almost every day this month. I don’t know when it fell out. FML

By bchorror - 22/4/2020 02:00

One ring to…

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Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

By Anonymous - 20/9/2013 21:04 - United States - Carpentersville

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Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex, even my wet dreams are about doing it solo. FML

By DrySpellcaster - 7/10/2020 16:57

Get it on, bang a gong

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Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML

By easyontheeyes1 - 1/5/2020 02:00

Romantic afterglow

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Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML

By Anonymous - 5/11/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Perv

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Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML

By lameows - 4/4/2015 01:57 - United States

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Today, my mom confirmed my suspicions that my dad cheated on her. She then told me to hide my knowledge about it from my dad, and to keep my brother completely in the dark for now. Now I can't even look at my dad without reaching the brink of crying, and I'm somehow supposed to keep this under wraps. FML

By TheEpicWario - 1/6/2021 14:02

Sworn to secrecy

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Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

By Live Sweet - 25/4/2013 05:33

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Today, my mum was watching a program about sexually transmitted diseases. Later on she starts telling me that I should be careful and use the right protection when having sex. Suddenly she stops and says « Actually I don’t know why I’m telling you this, after all you don’t have a boyfriend! » and walks away. FML

By Enko - 9/11/2008 07:43 - France

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Today, was my senior prom. I've had a crush on my date for months, but after many attempts at grinding with him and sexy seduction, he rejected me saying he was a good Catholic boy. I later found out that not only is he in touch with his religion, but intimately in touch with other boys. FML

By failatboys - 14/6/2009 03:06 - United States

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Today, I overheard my parents having sex. Trying to be the reasonable person I was, I dismissed it, realizing that sex is just normal. I quickly walked past their room when my cat ran past me into their room, cracking open the door. Now my parents think I was peeping and need therapy. FML

By Kathrynn - 7/3/2009 00:41 - United States

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Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when I got a sudden agonising cramp in my foot. I cried out in pain, but he didn't stop. If anything, my cries of pain seemed to spur him on. FML

By Anonymous - 5/12/2013 19:10 - United Kingdom - Washington

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Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 06:24 - France

Inspired

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Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML

By Anonymous - 18/2/2012 12:16 - United States

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Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

By Faithful - 24/11/2011 10:01 - Singapore

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Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

By Anonymous - 11/8/2011 05:53 - Mexico

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Today, while making deliveries, a lady answered the door stark naked and invited me in. I'm a young single guy so I went for it, but her husband was also there, ready to go with an enormous boner, so I ran to my van and went back to the depot. They reported me for bad customer service. FML

By Anonymous - 4/11/2017 05:00

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