By Anonymous - 4/10/2020 14:01 Bye bye love Today, according to my emotionally distant boyfriend, stopping by a whorehouse on his way home several nights a week for a quick blowjob isn’t cheating, because it involves cash and no intimacy afterwards. Dumped his ass real quick. FML I agree, your life sucks 1654 You deserved it 155 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Wilhelm - Philippines - Makati Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML I agree, your life sucks 15787 You deserved it 1481 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thetalkingvagina - Australia Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML I agree, your life sucks 54675 You deserved it 18473 387 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Unknown - United States - Lamoni Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML I agree, your life sucks 59445 You deserved it 21258 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hannah12345 - France Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML I agree, your life sucks 15742 You deserved it 31692 463 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nickyniknaim93 - United States Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML I agree, your life sucks 64567 You deserved it 16911 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By polimeros - Mexico - Quer?taro Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML I agree, your life sucks 13563 You deserved it 41636 316 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By gemma - United Kingdom - Belfast Today, I figured out how serious my weight problem really is when my boyfriend had to lift a fat roll before he could enter me. FML I agree, your life sucks 15752 You deserved it 59192 268 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sealy - United States Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML I agree, your life sucks 31943 You deserved it 7834 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my 12-year-old sister, who sometimes has difficulty coming up with the right words while speaking, used the word "intercourse" to replace "encounter". She was joking to my dad that she, "had an 'intercourse' with Bob Dylan." I can't get the image out of my head. FML I agree, your life sucks 13785 You deserved it 1309 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Diego Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML I agree, your life sucks 36890 You deserved it 8409 214 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crazy mother in law Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML I agree, your life sucks 45961 You deserved it 4992 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, it's my birthday. I was excited because of all the wall posts I got on Facebook. Then I saw I got a "Happy Birthday" from the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with. FML I agree, your life sucks 36795 You deserved it 7421 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By seriously - Canada Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera. The principal came in, everyone was going crazy, and the teacher was dragged out of the classroom. He was taking videos and pictures of us dancing. Turns out he was a registered sex offender. FML I agree, your life sucks 111412 You deserved it 5325 199 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nuberific - Canada Today, I was in the change room at the local YMCA. I went to use the hair dryer but couldn't because a naked old man was bent over, butt cheeks spread wide with his hands, and ass aimed at the dryer. He seemed to be enjoying it. FML I agree, your life sucks 58196 You deserved it 3478 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wet dreams - United States - Cartersville Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 21880 You deserved it 4520 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By roberto - Brazil Today, I was fooling around a bit with my girlfriend while cooking dinner when she said, "Don't get too excited, I want to watch The Princess and the Frog tonight." I just got cockblocked by a Disney movie. FML I agree, your life sucks 38621 You deserved it 7347 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ohdear - United Kingdom Time flies by Today, my husband and I are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. It's also the 5th anniversary of the last time he made me orgasm. FML I agree, your life sucks 37690 You deserved it 7357 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jigglypluff - United States - Omaha Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML I agree, your life sucks 42099 You deserved it 4906 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Ireland Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML I agree, your life sucks 35814 You deserved it 11626 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By esb - Canada Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML I agree, your life sucks 74639 You deserved it 8293 297 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By StarvedForAffection - 13/1/2021 17:01 - United States - Midlothian Good girl Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML I agree, your life sucks 819 You deserved it 216 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By screwed - United States Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML I agree, your life sucks 36539 You deserved it 5409 198 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Isabell - Australia Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML I agree, your life sucks 23591 You deserved it 5826 123 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dpl - United States Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML I agree, your life sucks 55393 You deserved it 5598 38 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By aarong - United States - Tampa Spotified Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML I agree, your life sucks 46380 You deserved it 7941 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Mixing it up Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 23758 You deserved it 48686 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Foxy17 - 5/8/2020 05:01 Noisy lover Today, the new heart medication I take makes it hard for me to get an erection. It also gives me gas. My wife is getting sick of me farting when we're finally able to screw. FML I agree, your life sucks 1565 You deserved it 128 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuck - United States - Hubert Caught Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML I agree, your life sucks 70214 You deserved it 5244 183 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - South Gate Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML I agree, your life sucks 10615 You deserved it 37256 233 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thechaos - United States - Pittsfield Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML I agree, your life sucks 36498 You deserved it 4213 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML I agree, your life sucks 43421 You deserved it 4296 141 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML I agree, your life sucks 305966 You deserved it 20738 360 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Phoellie - United Kingdom Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML I agree, your life sucks 67833 You deserved it 5177 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rob - United States - Neoga Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML I agree, your life sucks 16705 You deserved it 42398 216 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By teegtwo - United States Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML I agree, your life sucks 44840 You deserved it 26944 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nofunforme - United States - Candler Today, I was having fun while home alone, until my dog heard my vibrator and tried to attack me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1805 You deserved it 406 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By why - United States Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML I agree, your life sucks 57359 You deserved it 5481 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML I agree, your life sucks 44425 You deserved it 5487 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/3/2020 09:03 That escalated badly Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML I agree, your life sucks 2237 You deserved it 307 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I went in to get a shot for a migraine to find out I'm 17 weeks pregnant... I am almost 40 and my tubes are tied. FML I agree, your life sucks 39 You deserved it 3 0 Comments
Today, my girlfriend went mad at me after watching the Captain America Civil War movie. Why? I chose Iron Man's side and she chose Captain America's side.... I agree, your life sucks 7 You deserved it 2 1 Comments
Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML I agree, your life sucks 26 You deserved it 4 0 Comments
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 446 You deserved it 56 5 Comments