Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand...

By GuitarChick42 - 4/4/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

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Intimacy

Night terrors

The Summoner

Time for the ER

By unemployed - 10/3/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML

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By allbrokeup - 1/12/2012 23:54 - Norway - Stavanger

Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2016 21:17 - United States - Fremont

Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML

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By fish killer - 8/2/2013 03:58 - Canada

Today, I bought a fish. I put the tank on top of the fridge so my cat wouldn't get at it. I'd forgotten to buy some things for its tank, so I quickly ran out to get them. When I got home, I saw the tank destroyed on the floor, and my cat devouring my fish. I had the fish for less than an hour. FML

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By livay315 - 8/4/2009 20:08 - United States

Today, my daughter's school was putting on a fashion show for charity and all the kids were supposed to ask their mothers to be in it. I asked my daughter about it and she said "well I was going to ask you, but they said only to 'ask all of your BEAUTIFUL mommies." FML

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By ImNotFat - 18/2/2015 04:22 - New Zealand

Today, a photo of my friends and me was posted in our college group. I didn't notice my legs looked enormous until my friend pointed it out. Her comment got 50 likes. FML

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By leaf hater - 17/11/2011 12:43 - United States

Today, my elderly neighbor used his snowblower to send all of the fallen leaves in his yard into mine, which I'd raked earlier that morning. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2018 15:00

Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML

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By howannoying - 16/2/2013 06:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

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By Rari - 9/6/2016 16:04 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I broke up with my fiancé after he cheated on me, and he now refuses to move out of the apartment. I'm even contemplating just offering him my Xbox One as a bribe so I can get him out of my life for good. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 12:00

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in my mouth. FML

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By Pedro the Basuraman - 11/5/2018 20:30

Today, after 27 years of dedicated and loyal service, it finally happened, I was robbed at gunpoint at work. The whole heist only took about 30 seconds and the perpetrator took off without taking anything from me. I still don't get it. What kind of screwball would hijack a garbage truck? FML

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By lprocter1982 - 8/11/2011 03:17 - Canada

Today, I got shot at. Not by police, but by a hunter. While at work. Driving a garbage truck. How the hell a hunter mistook an orange-clad garbageman in a truck for a deer is beyond me. FML

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By ohgodwhyfml - 28/11/2015 14:32 - United States - Danbury

Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML

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By Jared - 1/1/2009 08:49 - France

Today, and for the last 8 months my upstairs neighbours have been making a tremendous noise. I finally decided to go up to complain: "The amount of noise you make is unbelievable ! It sounds like you're driving tractors up here!". The woman replies: "My husband is paraplegic..." FML

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By Jacklyn - 18/3/2012 19:18 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML

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By moms a baby - 31/3/2014 02:44 - United States - Loma Linda

Today, my mom stopped playing badminton with me because she claimed I was too aggressive. Apparently winning, playing by the rules, and smashing is considered aggressive. FML

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By raybandy - 24/1/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

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By Sarah - 1/1/2013 15:15 - United States

Today, instead of the traditional midnight kiss, my husband handed me divorce papers. FML

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By helluvasinger - 12/11/2009 11:00 - South Africa

Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML

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By Miss Blairgowrie - 30/1/2013 07:52 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, I got my retainer fitted. It stimulates my gag reflex so badly that I gag every time I try so say anything with a 'P' in it. My orthodontist laughed and suggested I get a thesaurus. FML

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By Winx - 16/3/2012 07:13 - United States

Today, my dad informed me that my prom dress makes me look chubby from the side, gives me "back fat", and that I wouldn't want to go to prom looking like that. I tried to ignore his hurtful comments and tell myself I was beautiful. Then the clasp broke. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2016 18:50 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I overheard a "friend" talking about me and my recently deceased dog. He said: "Only time I've seen someone get that upset over someone dying, they were fucking each other. Just sayin'." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 05:00

Get out

Today, while I was working in a department store, two 15-year-old kids started having sex in a changing room. When I found them, the boy pulled out and said, "You want in, bitch?" I then had to prevent his jealous, half-naked girlfriend from murdering me. FML

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By Loveandpoetry - 31/5/2011 21:12

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a poem, and left it on the bed with a rose for him to see after work. When I came home later, I noticed the flower in the trash, and the poem had been used as gum wrapper. FML

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By checkup - 15/7/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

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By nerdgirlmickey - 3/3/2013 16:05 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

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By toolateabuckshort - 2/6/2017 12:11

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By meagainsttheworld - 26/10/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, while filling out some medical forms, I was asked for an emergency contact. I realized I didn't have anyone who would actually care enough to be my contact. FML

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By Anon - 15/3/2016 06:52 - United States - Pasco

Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2019 01:00

A good excuse

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who broke up with me because God said she couldn't have a boyfriend, started dating my friend... Who she always told me she didn't even like. FML

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By Mary - 4/12/2011 22:47 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML

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By Cait - 30/1/2017 20:00 - Canada - Olds

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

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By thanks mom - 3/5/2019 14:00

Today, after 10 years of intense training, I earned a black belt in karate. When I told my mom, she asked how long it took me, then laughed and sarcastically remarked, "Wow. SO impressive," whilst slow-clapping. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2009 08:07 - Canada

Today, I went to Britney's concert. About halfway through the show, the person next to me turns to me and asks, "Can you do me a favour?" Thinking that she wanted me to look after her stuff, I said sure. Her next sentence was: "Can you stop singing?" FML

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By nyatzz - 16/11/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, my landlady cut off the Internet to my flat. She says she has no use for it, and doesn't want to keep it anymore. I have 3 online assignments due in the next week, and finals the following week. FML

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By PhDdaughter - 4/12/2009 10:16 - Switzerland

Today, the electrician came because our kitchen light has been flickering. After examining the installation, he screws the lightbulb tighter in the socket. My parents both are PhDs. FML

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By cat lady - 30/8/2014 11:56 - Norway - Egersund

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

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By maybe next time? - 14/9/2016 11:57 - Australia - Greystanes

Today, I was participating in an activity to join a program which I really wanted to join. One of the teachers in charge seemed to notice my efforts and asked if I wanted to join the program. I said yes, thinking I had a chance. She laughed, shook her head before saying no and walking away. FML

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By Crabcake - 21/9/2017 19:30 - United States - Brooklyn

Fancy a snatch? A *snack, sorry.

Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML

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Top comments

By Samael_fml | 0

#82845 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:43

You'd think they'd at least have the courtesy to wait until no one else is home before screwing somewhere where anyone could just walk in!

By abcdefghijklmno_fml | 0

#82834 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:42

AHAHAHAHAHAHA that sucks

COMMENTS

By abcdefghijklmno_fml | 0

#82834 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:42

AHAHAHAHAHAHA that sucks

Kickered | 0

#538399 - Friday 4 September 2009 8:24

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

killerviral | 0

#830885 - Saturday 6 February 2010 19:21

atleast it wasn't ur Dorset playing it

wasted0087 | 0

#848821 - Friday 12 February 2010 17:49

It could have been a gift genius FYL

GetBackJojo | 0

#912822 - Thursday 4 March 2010 3:26

age was never mention, so this could definately be true. But if it's not it would still suck if it ever happened.

metalcrue | 0

#967764 - Thursday 25 March 2010 5:51

231: god you're stupid. maybe they were visiting?

alyssaax3 | 0

#1038642 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 5:08

#231 a lot of young people are on this. Like even 10 year olds are on this app. I'm 15 so I guess I'm too young??

ZleveL | 0

#1045874 - Sunday 27 June 2010 9:06

or maybe some people just don't want to move? don't ask me why, in 2 years I'm bustin out of my parents house and joining the marines, but maybe he/she wanted to stay

astarwarsfan | 0

#1079039 - Sunday 11 July 2010 15:36

it looks like the piano (puts on sunglasses) wasn't the only thing your parents were playing

zanguard | 0

#1112108 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:14

I wonder what song they were playing?

redtigerlily | 5

#1113875 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:53

It could have been a birthday or Xmas present, idiot.

theConstant | 0

#1133090 - Saturday 24 July 2010 11:08

disregarding ur parents having sex on the piano...
since it's ur grand piano ur sister can't touch it even if ur all the way upstairs?
learn to share princess..

Shookitup | 0

#1143195 - Monday 26 July 2010 14:44

well now we know why they bought it ^.^

chadical | 0

#1359040 - Monday 6 September 2010 7:12

thats were Microsoft got the idea for sticky keys

Bear_Flu | 0

#1365438 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 14:30

zing!^

jacetopia96 | 1

#1832713 - Sunday 12 December 2010 10:04

or 231 she's a teenager with a lot of cash

rainydayz133 | 6

#3685371 - Monday 5 December 2011 5:09

No, just no. it sounds like OP is around teenage years and she suspected that her sister was playing on her piano which her parents probably brought.

tyjay11642 | 0

#4220382 - Tuesday 27 March 2012 4:30

How is that even possible...?

the_enigma1019 | 1

#4605670 - Saturday 23 June 2012 22:31

# 270, the sister may have been really young, hence the sex sounding like her sister "playing". Would you let a young child bang on your piano?

aimzskee | 30

#6001711 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:51

Not something you woukd ever wish to see

MehrunesDagon456 | 20

#6068300 - Thursday 18 September 2014 22:47

I'm a ten year old but I have the maturity level of an adult, (hence my name, the name of a murderous 200 foot tall demon from hell)

Sunrox | 4

#7476066 - Monday 26 June 2017 1:50

Seriously? If they bought it and don't want their sister touching it, then that's their choice. God.

By KHJ_ftw | 0

#82840 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:42

ugh!

biggerthanlife | 0

#4117310 - Saturday 3 March 2012 9:25

Here cums Mozart!

Zangetsu67 | 5

#4675256 - Wednesday 11 July 2012 7:15

First

arrow007archer | 19

#5994436 - Tuesday 1 July 2014 17:25

pass the brain bleach

By princess243 | 0

#82841 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:43

LOL eww!!

Chad_the_Brony | 0

#3923748 - Sunday 22 January 2012 10:46

Wait, you have your own piano but your name is Guitarchick?

krmc822 | 6

#4771502 - Saturday 4 August 2012 9:47

Dude that's jsut sick ^ and maybe she likes music

By Samael_fml | 0

#82845 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:43

You'd think they'd at least have the courtesy to wait until no one else is home before screwing somewhere where anyone could just walk in!

Radgears47 | 23

#6282999 - Wednesday 6 May 2015 7:51

My parents are horny... Too horny.
They have gone at it (i caught them in the act by accident) while ive had friends over.

By Serial | 2

#82854 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:44

ahhh, nothing like sex on the piano

By Milena_fml | 0

#82855 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:44

#4, that's how you know it's a fake

By Boudica | 0

#82859 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:45

LOL, if they bought it they can abuse it.

myoukei | 31

#3632171 - Thursday 24 November 2011 22:29

what if it was either A: a gift from someone else (and not her parents) or B: something op saved up for themselves? ???

Satoaoi | 13

#5329358 - Friday 18 January 2013 12:15

not to have sex on. that's just stupid annoying and makes no fucking sense at all

By rawr_z | 0

#82860 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:45

Woah that's disgusting lol.

YUMmMm | 0

#972700 - Thursday 1 April 2010 18:42

agreed ^^^^ and OP you are scared for life ...

fatham | 0

#980857 - Saturday 17 April 2010 8:17

ur pretty

rupert_45 | 0

#1008489 - Thursday 27 May 2010 1:00

she's pretty

By alex_vik | 0

#82863 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:46

You have disgusting parents.

CanadianHuney | 0

#973070 - Friday 2 April 2010 17:06

I agree! ugh I'd sell the piano...

Natadance4eva | 0

#2953384 - Friday 22 July 2011 20:45

and without their permission...I'd be soo pissed, they need to get a room!!

By jazminbliss | 0

#82867 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:46

oh ew. gag.