Intimacy: Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand...

By GuitarChick42 - United States

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

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Intimacy

Proactive

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Great boyfriend

By wishbone - Canada

Today, a cute boy told me I looked like a celebrity. Flattered, I asked who I resembled. He responded by saying that I looked exactly like Ugly Betty. He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

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By Kev

Today, after a number of other automotive misadventures, I tried to find out why my radiator fan decided to quit working. That's when my hood struts thought it would be a good time to give way. Now I have big bruise on my shoulder where the latch hit me. FML

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1509

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By Samantha - United States

Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend. In hopes of him putting his arm around me or holding my hand, I told him that I was very scared and pretended to cry a little. He told me to be quiet because I was ruining the movie for him. Then he moved seats. FML

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By megaladon - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML

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By notmine - India - New Delhi

Today, I work at a food joint as a chef, and a customer found a long strand of hair in her food. The manager blamed me, even though I'm bald. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2020 10:49

This is fine

Today, I envy all the mothers who get to hide in their bathroom, engulfed in tears, when at their breaking points. I'm a single mom of two heathens. Today, like most days, really I had to threaten violence at the top of my lungs so they would stop fighting long enough for me to simply use the bathroom. FML

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By why me

Today, my girlfriend made me watch six hours of "Glee" with her. I don't know what I hate the most, the fact that I actually sat there and watched it or that I'm angry at Finn for breaking up with Rachel. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

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By NotYourCopyEditor

Today, at work, I had to explain to a 50-year-old engineer that Comic Sans is not an acceptable font for a government contractor to use in a structural report. FML

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1747

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By liLbob6598 - United States

Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house. FML

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By kellb123 - United States

Today, I was at work, and was told to clean up the urine that a child had left down the slide inside the play place. While in the slide, another little kid peed on my head. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Cochrane

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

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35929

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By joe rogan fucking sucks, dude - Australia - Warwick

Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

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41052

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2020 03:11

Call the FBI on her ass

Today, I got home from work to I find my cash box open and empty. My mom walked up and said, "If you have a lock that easy to pick, you don't deserve the money." There was 650 dollars in there. She refuses to give it back. FML

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By tryingtobepretty101 - United States

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

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By monochrometea - United States

Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML

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26792

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By depressed - United States - Hull

Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML

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37110

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By Melting in Texas

Today, I discovered that my freezer had died when I saw the contents oozing out the bottom. The now-full trash can won't be picked up for another 6 days, and the high temperatures are supposed to be in the 100s all week. FML

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13731

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By JAMjessie - United States

Today, I found out that my boss's ex-husband is my company manager. They are one office space apart and constantly shouting about one another. I'm in that one office space between them. In the office across from me? Their daughter. FML

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12277

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By saracenslament

Today, my relationship with my family is so bad that when someone burst into my house without ringing the doorbell, my first assumption was, "Oh God I hope it's not my mum visiting!" rather than, "Oh God, it's a burglar!" It was actually my mother-in-law, and I was truly relieved. FML

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10598

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By wowdadreally - United States - College Station

Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML

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31630

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By atleastwedidntdie

Today, I was supposed to be sipping margaritas on a beach in Mexico. Too bad we only made it 37 miles before getting in a car accident. FML

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3445

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By OneGirlsLife - United States - Spartanburg

Today, it was supposed to be my birthday dinner with two of my friends. They're both now bringing their boyfriends, so I get to be the fifth wheel to my own birthday dinner. FML

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4801

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2020 17:00

The walls have ears

Today, I went out for lunch with one of my co-workers. After work, I talked to one of my friends about how unpleasant the lunch was with him. My co-worker was standing behind me listening in the whole time. FML

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515

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

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1946

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from a two-week overseas business trip. My wife was at work, but she came home for lunch. When she came in, she brushed right past me to hug and talk to her dog. When I mentioned it, she said, "But I haven't seen him all day!" FML

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By Victoria - Australia - Perth

My name is?

Today, while interviewing for a job, I was greeted by the interviewer with a handshake and a greeting of, "Hello Victoria, my name is Bill." I responded with, "Hello. My name is Bill." I think it's safe to assume I didn't get the job. FML

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1315

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By Anonymous

Today, I was headed towards the unisex bathroom at physical therapy when another patient looked up at me and quickly looked away. I knew instantly and prepared for the smell, but I wasn't expecting remnants still floating in the toilet. FML

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2333

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML

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By Congrats to me - United States - Canton

Today, the only person in my entire family to show up sober and on time to my graduation was my grandma. FML

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51616

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By NairyAGoodIdea - United States

Today, I tried to manscape with some Nair. Nothing helps the pain. FML

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25621

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By poohanne - United States - Ville Platte

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

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27849

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By NorwegianMadman

Today, nearly Christmas, my dad got mad because I don't have enough money for holiday festivities. I can't afford things because I haven't gotten my paycheck yet. I work for my dad. FML

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7581

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By okaythen6 - United States

Today, I showed up on set for a film that I booked a role in weeks ago. At the time of the audition, the script was being rewritten, so today I was so excited and eager to be told what my role would entail. When they handed me the script, my character was described as a fat, ugly, awkward girl. FML

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29108

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By tried to help

Stranger Danger!

Today, I was going into a store and saw a woman roughly handling a screaming toddler. I kept walking, until I heard the kid scream, "Help! You’re not my mommy!” I called 911 and stood behind the car to keep her from taking off. The cops arrived to see me fending off blows from a very pissed off grandma. FML

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1852

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By Anonymous - United States - Burnsville

Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "sex". My son is 16. FML

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29218

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By steveinnewsoh - United States

Today, I went to get a scratch off lottery ticket, and the dude in front of me got the same one I was going to get. He won 500 dollars. I got 2 bucks. FML

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24913

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By yblamemebiatch - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out a colleague spread lies about me because she somehow thinks I'm to blame for the hot guy at work not wanting to date her. Perhaps she should blame his fiancé. FML

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By housebroken - United States

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

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Top comments

By Samael_fml | 0

#82845 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:43

You'd think they'd at least have the courtesy to wait until no one else is home before screwing somewhere where anyone could just walk in!

By abcdefghijklmno_fml | 0

#82834 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:42

AHAHAHAHAHAHA that sucks

COMMENTS

By abcdefghijklmno_fml | 0

#82834 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:42

AHAHAHAHAHAHA that sucks

Kickered | 0

#538399 - Friday 4 September 2009 8:24

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

killerviral | 0

#830885 - Saturday 6 February 2010 19:21

atleast it wasn't ur Dorset playing it

wasted0087 | 0

#848821 - Friday 12 February 2010 17:49

It could have been a gift genius FYL

GetBackJojo | 0

#912822 - Thursday 4 March 2010 3:26

age was never mention, so this could definately be true. But if it's not it would still suck if it ever happened.

metalcrue | 0

#967764 - Thursday 25 March 2010 5:51

231: god you're stupid. maybe they were visiting?

alyssaax3 | 0

#1038642 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 5:08

#231 a lot of young people are on this. Like even 10 year olds are on this app. I'm 15 so I guess I'm too young??

ZleveL | 0

#1045874 - Sunday 27 June 2010 9:06

or maybe some people just don't want to move? don't ask me why, in 2 years I'm bustin out of my parents house and joining the marines, but maybe he/she wanted to stay

astarwarsfan | 0

#1079039 - Sunday 11 July 2010 15:36

it looks like the piano (puts on sunglasses) wasn't the only thing your parents were playing

zanguard | 0

#1112108 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:14

I wonder what song they were playing?

redtigerlily | 5

#1113875 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:53

It could have been a birthday or Xmas present, idiot.

theConstant | 0

#1133090 - Saturday 24 July 2010 11:08

disregarding ur parents having sex on the piano...
since it's ur grand piano ur sister can't touch it even if ur all the way upstairs?
learn to share princess..

Shookitup | 0

#1143195 - Monday 26 July 2010 14:44

well now we know why they bought it ^.^

chadical | 0

#1359040 - Monday 6 September 2010 7:12

thats were Microsoft got the idea for sticky keys

Bear_Flu | 0

#1365438 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 14:30

zing!^

jacetopia96 | 1

#1832713 - Sunday 12 December 2010 10:04

or 231 she's a teenager with a lot of cash

rainydayz133 | 6

#3685371 - Monday 5 December 2011 5:09

No, just no. it sounds like OP is around teenage years and she suspected that her sister was playing on her piano which her parents probably brought.

tyjay11642 | 0

#4220382 - Tuesday 27 March 2012 4:30

How is that even possible...?

the_enigma1019 | 1

#4605670 - Saturday 23 June 2012 22:31

# 270, the sister may have been really young, hence the sex sounding like her sister "playing". Would you let a young child bang on your piano?

aimzskee | 30

#6001711 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:51

Not something you woukd ever wish to see

MehrunesDagon456 | 20

#6068300 - Thursday 18 September 2014 22:47

I'm a ten year old but I have the maturity level of an adult, (hence my name, the name of a murderous 200 foot tall demon from hell)

Sunrox | 4

#7476066 - Monday 26 June 2017 1:50

Seriously? If they bought it and don't want their sister touching it, then that's their choice. God.

By KHJ_ftw | 0

#82840 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:42

ugh!

biggerthanlife | 0

#4117310 - Saturday 3 March 2012 9:25

Here cums Mozart!

Zangetsu67 | 5

#4675256 - Wednesday 11 July 2012 7:15

First

arrow007archer | 19

#5994436 - Tuesday 1 July 2014 17:25

pass the brain bleach

By princess243 | 0

#82841 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:43

LOL eww!!

Chad_the_Brony | 0

#3923748 - Sunday 22 January 2012 10:46

Wait, you have your own piano but your name is Guitarchick?

krmc822 | 6

#4771502 - Saturday 4 August 2012 9:47

Dude that's jsut sick ^ and maybe she likes music

By Samael_fml | 0

#82845 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:43

You'd think they'd at least have the courtesy to wait until no one else is home before screwing somewhere where anyone could just walk in!

Radgears47 | 23

#6282999 - Wednesday 6 May 2015 7:51

My parents are horny... Too horny.
They have gone at it (i caught them in the act by accident) while ive had friends over.

By Serial | 2

#82854 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:44

ahhh, nothing like sex on the piano

By Milena_fml | 0

#82855 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:44

#4, that's how you know it's a fake

By Boudica | 0

#82859 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:45

LOL, if they bought it they can abuse it.

myoukei | 31

#3632171 - Thursday 24 November 2011 22:29

what if it was either A: a gift from someone else (and not her parents) or B: something op saved up for themselves? ???

Satoaoi | 13

#5329358 - Friday 18 January 2013 12:15

not to have sex on. that's just stupid annoying and makes no fucking sense at all

By rawr_z | 0

#82860 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:45

Woah that's disgusting lol.

YUMmMm | 0

#972700 - Thursday 1 April 2010 18:42

agreed ^^^^ and OP you are scared for life ...

fatham | 0

#980857 - Saturday 17 April 2010 8:17

ur pretty

rupert_45 | 0

#1008489 - Thursday 27 May 2010 1:00

she's pretty

By alex_vik | 0

#82863 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:46

You have disgusting parents.

CanadianHuney | 0

#973070 - Friday 2 April 2010 17:06

I agree! ugh I'd sell the piano...

Natadance4eva | 0

#2953384 - Friday 22 July 2011 20:45

and without their permission...I'd be soo pissed, they need to get a room!!

By jazminbliss | 0

#82867 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:46

oh ew. gag.