Intimacy: Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand...

By GuitarChick42 - United States

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

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Intimacy

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Technologically challenged

Assumptions

By ajodasdojsad - United Kingdom - Ewell

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

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By ohtheirony - United States - Reno

Today, while trying to explain to my friends what an anxiety attack is like, I had an anxiety attack. FML

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By Susan - Ireland

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

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54493

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By Hth - United States

Today, I farted A LOT during my exam, all silent so I figured I should be OK. Then I looked around and everybody was suffocating and giving me sly looks. I am now known to everyone in the department as SuperFart. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

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By Butqhy

Today, while in the airport, I had to use the washroom. Upon exiting, I got confused due to an excess of mirrors and walked directly into one in front of an audience. FML

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By james88 - United States - Altoona

Today, in an elaborate plan to finally meet my cute neighbor, I convinced my friendly mailman to switch up our mail so I'd have an excuse to meet her. After I delivered her mail, I waited for her to mention that she had my mail, but she never did. I even saw her take it out of her mail box. FML

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By grantsidiots - Australia

Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to the bar to celebrate my friend's birthday party. I gave the bouncer my ID and he kicked me out, saying that I should at least use an ID card with the correct gender. I'm 22 and female, he thought I was an underage boy. FML

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By I'm a moron

Today, I woke up in an empty room. Thinking I'd been kidnapped, I kicked the door in. The previous night was a blur, and thought I'd been drugged. I was actually in the room my friends had put me in last night, because I went on a drunken rampage. It cost me $100 for a new door. FML

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By Fml

Today, a co-worker called in sick due to a family emergency. I ended up working an unplanned 12-hour overnight shift. After I clocked out, I dragged myself out to the parking lot to go home. Someone had smeared tacos all over my car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a two-hour bus ride to get to orientation, got stuck a block away because the pedestrian sidewalk was closed, waited half-an-hour for my ride in the rain, when someone called the cops on me for acting suspicious. I got to the interview soaking wet, and they told me they'd rescheduled. FML

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19794

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By notmansbestfriend - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML

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By simpleasjam - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, I screamed at a taxi driver to not run over a hedgehog. He got a fright and ended up pulling over. I hopped out and ran to the middle of the road to pick up the hedgehog and leave him on the grass by the path. As I got closer and went to pick up said hedgehog, I realised it was a pinecone. FML

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By sleepy - Norway

Today, after a two week holiday, I'm returning to work exhausted. I had nightmares about work every single night. FML

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26590

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By Mike

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML

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By fird

Today, my boss made sure to do one last thing before he retired. Fire me. FML

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3960

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By "chris_lillo" - United States - Waco

Late reaction

Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML

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By fmlfmlfml - Canada

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my bra clasp broke in the middle of a job interview. I got the job on the spot. I'm scared to report into work. FML

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By Trippy Penguin

Today, I accidentally forgot my glasses in a store bathroom. When I finally noticed, I went back to find that someone was wearing them as he was walking out of the store. I didn't have the balls to call him out on it. FML

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By badjob - United States

Today, I called the company with whom I had a job interview last week, which I thought went great, but hadn't heard back from. One of the interviewers claimed that I tried to grope her. FML

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By Abandoned - United States

Today, our family went out to a restaurant at night. My cousin and I needed to go to the restroom, so we told everyone before going. Less than three minutes later, we came out to find them gone, along with the cars. They forgot about their own kids. FML

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By Me - United States

Today, I got a boner at the dentist. FML

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By blame the maid - 13/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Deadly cocktail

Today, my very sheltered girlfriend decided to surprise me by cleaning our apartment. Although she grew up with housekeepers and maids, I thought it was common knowledge that you don’t try cleaning the bathroom with both bleach and ammonia. We still can’t go back inside our place. FML

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By atsukobo - United States

Today, my husband and I went to our first counseling sessions, where the main focus was communication. When the therapist called us in together to discuss techniques we could use at home, my husband looked around, rolled his eyes, and responded with, "Uh huh" to every question. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2020 02:03

Explain that one

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2021 07:58

Mystery woman

Today, my husband of 4 years is tagged in a #ValentinesDayChallenge post on Facebook. No, I didn’t tag him. FML

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By HDCkid - United States

Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

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By wtactualfuck :( - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to ask my dad for my hand in marriage. All I could make out from the door was mumbling, until profanities started flying. My boyfriend shouted "well she's a SINGLE bitch now!" and stormed out of the house. My dad still refuses to tell me what happened in there. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Escalon

Today, my insane war veteran great-uncle punched me in the throat for not laughing hard enough at his stupid joke. FML

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By AtLeastIGetOvertime - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I asked my supervisor if I could take a week off next month to go visit family. He laughed and said, "That's funny, I've put you down for extra time that week, so you can cover my shifts while I go to Spain!" FML

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By Anonymous - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, I got on the bus. Before I could make it to a free seat, the driver hit the gas, and the sudden movement caused me to stumble and accidentally grab onto another passenger for support. She didn't appreciate this, accused me of molesting her, and got me thrown back off. FML

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By not_very_smart - United States

Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I got up off the floor, I slipped in my own pool of sweat and got a concussion. FML

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47593

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By infrontofninepeople - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I went on a Segway tour in Budapest. The Segways have an automatic speed limiter, and to release it and get back to normal speed, you have to brake. Unfortunately, I forgot my speed limiter was on and so, while trying to brake, I instead returned to normal speed and crashed into a tree. FML

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22339

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By good husband - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

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By shamed - United Kingdom

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

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By Aether - United States

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

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By Randolph - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML

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Top comments

By Samael_fml | 0

#82845 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:43

You'd think they'd at least have the courtesy to wait until no one else is home before screwing somewhere where anyone could just walk in!

By abcdefghijklmno_fml | 0

#82834 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:42

AHAHAHAHAHAHA that sucks

COMMENTS

By abcdefghijklmno_fml | 0

#82834 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:42

AHAHAHAHAHAHA that sucks

Kickered | 0

#538399 - Friday 4 September 2009 8:24

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

killerviral | 0

#830885 - Saturday 6 February 2010 19:21

atleast it wasn't ur Dorset playing it

wasted0087 | 0

#848821 - Friday 12 February 2010 17:49

It could have been a gift genius FYL

GetBackJojo | 0

#912822 - Thursday 4 March 2010 3:26

age was never mention, so this could definately be true. But if it's not it would still suck if it ever happened.

metalcrue | 0

#967764 - Thursday 25 March 2010 5:51

231: god you're stupid. maybe they were visiting?

alyssaax3 | 0

#1038642 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 5:08

#231 a lot of young people are on this. Like even 10 year olds are on this app. I'm 15 so I guess I'm too young??

ZleveL | 0

#1045874 - Sunday 27 June 2010 9:06

or maybe some people just don't want to move? don't ask me why, in 2 years I'm bustin out of my parents house and joining the marines, but maybe he/she wanted to stay

astarwarsfan | 0

#1079039 - Sunday 11 July 2010 15:36

it looks like the piano (puts on sunglasses) wasn't the only thing your parents were playing

zanguard | 0

#1112108 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:14

I wonder what song they were playing?

redtigerlily | 5

#1113875 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:53

It could have been a birthday or Xmas present, idiot.

theConstant | 0

#1133090 - Saturday 24 July 2010 11:08

disregarding ur parents having sex on the piano...
since it's ur grand piano ur sister can't touch it even if ur all the way upstairs?
learn to share princess..

Shookitup | 0

#1143195 - Monday 26 July 2010 14:44

well now we know why they bought it ^.^

chadical | 0

#1359040 - Monday 6 September 2010 7:12

thats were Microsoft got the idea for sticky keys

Bear_Flu | 0

#1365438 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 14:30

zing!^

jacetopia96 | 1

#1832713 - Sunday 12 December 2010 10:04

or 231 she's a teenager with a lot of cash

rainydayz133 | 6

#3685371 - Monday 5 December 2011 5:09

No, just no. it sounds like OP is around teenage years and she suspected that her sister was playing on her piano which her parents probably brought.

tyjay11642 | 0

#4220382 - Tuesday 27 March 2012 4:30

How is that even possible...?

the_enigma1019 | 1

#4605670 - Saturday 23 June 2012 22:31

# 270, the sister may have been really young, hence the sex sounding like her sister "playing". Would you let a young child bang on your piano?

aimzskee | 30

#6001711 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:51

Not something you woukd ever wish to see

MehrunesDagon456 | 20

#6068300 - Thursday 18 September 2014 22:47

I'm a ten year old but I have the maturity level of an adult, (hence my name, the name of a murderous 200 foot tall demon from hell)

Sunrox | 4

#7476066 - Monday 26 June 2017 1:50

Seriously? If they bought it and don't want their sister touching it, then that's their choice. God.

By KHJ_ftw | 0

#82840 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:42

ugh!

biggerthanlife | 0

#4117310 - Saturday 3 March 2012 9:25

Here cums Mozart!

Zangetsu67 | 5

#4675256 - Wednesday 11 July 2012 7:15

First

arrow007archer | 19

#5994436 - Tuesday 1 July 2014 17:25

pass the brain bleach

By princess243 | 0

#82841 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:43

LOL eww!!

Chad_the_Brony | 0

#3923748 - Sunday 22 January 2012 10:46

Wait, you have your own piano but your name is Guitarchick?

krmc822 | 6

#4771502 - Saturday 4 August 2012 9:47

Dude that's jsut sick ^ and maybe she likes music

By Samael_fml | 0

#82845 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:43

You'd think they'd at least have the courtesy to wait until no one else is home before screwing somewhere where anyone could just walk in!

Radgears47 | 23

#6282999 - Wednesday 6 May 2015 7:51

My parents are horny... Too horny.
They have gone at it (i caught them in the act by accident) while ive had friends over.

By Serial | 2

#82854 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:44

ahhh, nothing like sex on the piano

By Milena_fml | 0

#82855 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:44

#4, that's how you know it's a fake

By Boudica | 0

#82859 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:45

LOL, if they bought it they can abuse it.

myoukei | 31

#3632171 - Thursday 24 November 2011 22:29

what if it was either A: a gift from someone else (and not her parents) or B: something op saved up for themselves? ???

Satoaoi | 13

#5329358 - Friday 18 January 2013 12:15

not to have sex on. that's just stupid annoying and makes no fucking sense at all

By rawr_z | 0

#82860 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:45

Woah that's disgusting lol.

YUMmMm | 0

#972700 - Thursday 1 April 2010 18:42

agreed ^^^^ and OP you are scared for life ...

fatham | 0

#980857 - Saturday 17 April 2010 8:17

ur pretty

rupert_45 | 0

#1008489 - Thursday 27 May 2010 1:00

she's pretty

By alex_vik | 0

#82863 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:46

You have disgusting parents.

CanadianHuney | 0

#973070 - Friday 2 April 2010 17:06

I agree! ugh I'd sell the piano...

Natadance4eva | 0

#2953384 - Friday 22 July 2011 20:45

and without their permission...I'd be soo pissed, they need to get a room!!

By jazminbliss | 0

#82867 - Saturday 4 April 2009 23:46

oh ew. gag.