Intimacy: Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand...

By GuitarChick42 - 04/04/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320 597

You deserved it 22 887

Intimacy

Vulture

Cats are like drugs

Great organization

By Ashley - 07/09/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex for the first time when my 4 year old sister walked in. She thought we were making a dog pile, so just as soon as my boyfriend was about to finish, she jumped on his back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 481

You deserved it 25 200

By sandwichsex - 08/08/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 988

You deserved it 11 934

PMS FTW

By life101 - 19/10/2020 13:56

Today, I realized how emotional I get around my time of month when I cried because a cheese commercial was so "touching." FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 147

By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 16:41 - Canada - London

Today, I took my labrador to the vet because he seemed really sick and wasn't acting like his usual self the past few weeks. The vet said nothing was physically wrong with him and that he's most likely suffering from depression. My own depression is why I got a dog in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 847

You deserved it 2 019

Jaws 2: A Pig in the City

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 02:03

Today, after a childhood of battling bad teeth and cavities, I'm an overzealous brusher. I found out that I have cavities in all quadrants of my mouth from over-brushing, which will need multiple appointments to fill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 204

By Anonymous - 19/05/2014 18:43 - United States - Shawnee

Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 604

You deserved it 5 202

By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 396

You deserved it 9 785

By ToddlersWife - 15/06/2014 11:10 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I got into an argument over him not brushing his teeth. It ended with him snapping his toothbrush in half. He's 52. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 219

You deserved it 6 081

By Shitty genes, no two ways about it. - 27/04/2013 00:21 - Australia - Perth

Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 003

You deserved it 6 247

By Wolfrunner87 - 13/07/2015 05:06 - Australia - Broadmeadows

Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat, including the $1,800 bottle of wine the company paid for. This would be fine if they hadn't just told me there are no funds to pay me for the work they've got me doing. We are also the biggest company in our industry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 312

You deserved it 1 938

By Kate - 04/07/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 657

You deserved it 3 920

By hopeless cluts - 29/01/2012 07:36 - Canada

Today, as I was crossing the slush covered street to catch the bus, I slipped and fell right in the middle of the road. A woman in a car rolled down her window. She didn't ask if I was okay but just laughed and took a picture of me covered in cold, wet slush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 048

You deserved it 2 371

By Hopeless - 12/07/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and he was very upset, crying that he had been betrayed. He then began to explain that his friend had slept with his ex-girlfriend. I asked why he was so upset, and he said he still loved her, and really thought they were going to be able to work things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 475

You deserved it 3 577

Trigger happy

By Anonymous - 13/06/2020 05:00

Today, I was shot and arrested for trespassing. I'm a firefighter and I was saving a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 264

You deserved it 103

By Lance - 28/01/2010 20:25 - United States

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with super glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 961

You deserved it 52 990

By Ugh - 02/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment. I've just realized that I could have spent $30 on an Uber or Lyft to my parents' place to grab the other set of keys instead of calling a locksmith and paying $280 for him to drill a hole through my doorknob, rendering all my keys useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 159

You deserved it 4 323

By Anonymous - 05/09/2009 07:22 - United States

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 052

You deserved it 18 032

By Foxy0706 - 10/11/2015 19:27 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I finally told my boyfriend I have a medical condition that makes me grow an unusual amount of hair on my face, so I shave every day. He said he was leaving me because he refuses to be with a "bearded lady". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 077

You deserved it 2 392

By sorrygrandma - 01/02/2012 03:34 - United States

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 454

You deserved it 4 187

By nextcontestant16 - 19/11/2012 15:12 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 334

You deserved it 5 053

By Jimmy - 02/08/2019 12:00 - Australia

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a skinhead sucker-punched me in the gut, grabbed my football, and ran away, giggling like a maniac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 118

By .... - 08/06/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I was introduced to my dad's girlfriend of six months. I've already heard them sleeping together several time,s and seen her car pull away early in the morning. After meeting face to face, I also learned that she's only two years older than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 747

You deserved it 3 250

By hulagirl1217 - 29/05/2010 12:11 - United States

Today, a bee landed on my leg. I didn't realize it was there until my friend yelled out, "Bee!" kicked me in the leg, and ran off. I fell to the ground screaming and clutching my leg. She missed the bee and it still stung me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 519

You deserved it 2 921

By SoccerBabe42 - 26/12/2011 12:11 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 881

You deserved it 3 227

By Ross R - 27/12/2012 08:52 - United States - Richland

Today, I decided to cover a coworker's closing shift because she felt sick. My boss even gave me a $10 gift card for doing it. I felt good about it, until I walked outside and found that my car had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 171

You deserved it 2 382

By GotMyBitchBack - 05/09/2013 11:02 - United States - Zanesville

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 422

You deserved it 3 034

By Andrew - 23/08/2011 14:46 - United States

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 104

You deserved it 6 386

By killme - 29/12/2012 22:33 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I was at church, when my mom's phone went off during the sermon. As if that wasn't humiliating enough for me, her ring tone was set to the Bed Intruder song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 725

You deserved it 4 070

By caughtorangehanded - 01/10/2010 22:12 - United States

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 837

You deserved it 46 204

By :( - 31/07/2016 04:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me that I'll never get married if my cooking skills don't improve. My boyfriend agrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 656

You deserved it 2 442

By pigeons_suck - 11/05/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 348

You deserved it 2 794

By subtweetqueen - 09/09/2016 04:18 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, the 3-year-old I nanny wanted to prove to me that he was tall enough to pee standing up in front of the toilet. When he realized he actually was tall enough, he got excited and misdirected his stream, covering himself, his brother, and me in urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 440

You deserved it 1 210

So romantic!

By Anonymous - 28/01/2020 18:00

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 204

You deserved it 257

By Star_Wars_Lover - 26/04/2016 15:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 711

You deserved it 1 635

By BikerGuy - 24/02/2016 06:31 - Canada - Alhambra

Today, the girl who likes me incredibly much asked me if she could come for a ride with me on my motorcycle. Normally this isn't a problem as I take lots of people out for rides for fun, but this time I had no choice but to tell her she couldn't because she's just too heavy for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 785

You deserved it 2 173

By PunchingKennyLoggins - 15/03/2010 13:33 - United States

Today, the satellite radio at work went on the fritz, playing one song over and over. Management wouldn't turn it off, though, because then customers would miss out on all those upcoming-sale announcements that run intermittently. Meanwhile, I got to listen to "Footloose" for eight hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 308

You deserved it 2 475

By Breanne - 14/07/2011 15:25 - Canada

Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice? His overwhelming amount of earwax. Apparently he'd like to make a candle out of it once he goes to the doctor to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 203

You deserved it 2 307

By NotRetarded - 11/04/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's sweet sixteen. Since I didn't know any else at the party I was really happy when the mother told me she sat me next to someone she thought I would have a lot in common with. He ended up being mentally challenged and talked to a sock puppet the whole party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 968

You deserved it 3 842

By syle - 13/11/2008 06:51 - France

Today, my son forgot to log out of MSN. He had written, "When am I getting out of this place?" and his username was "mother fucker". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 758

You deserved it 7 611

By dishwasherforlife - 04/11/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I filled out a 'perfect job placement' test, where you put down your skills, experience and education level and then it finds you jobs based on your abilities and areas of knowledge. No lie, the most compatible job they found for me was 'Dishwasher'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 420

You deserved it 6 140

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Top comments

Samael_fml 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:43

You'd think they'd at least have the courtesy to wait until no one else is home before screwing somewhere where anyone could just walk in!

abcdefghijklmno_fml 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:42

AHAHAHAHAHAHA that sucks

abcdefghijklmno_fml 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:42

AHAHAHAHAHAHA that sucks

Kickered 0

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Friday 4 September 2009 8:24

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

killerviral 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 19:21

atleast it wasn't ur Dorset playing it

wasted0087 0

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Friday 12 February 2010 17:49

It could have been a gift genius FYL

GetBackJojo 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 3:26

age was never mention, so this could definately be true. But if it's not it would still suck if it ever happened.

metalcrue 0

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Thursday 25 March 2010 5:51

231: god you're stupid. maybe they were visiting?

alyssaax3 0

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Tuesday 22 June 2010 5:08

#231 a lot of young people are on this. Like even 10 year olds are on this app. I'm 15 so I guess I'm too young??

ZleveL 0

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Sunday 27 June 2010 9:06

or maybe some people just don't want to move? don't ask me why, in 2 years I'm bustin out of my parents house and joining the marines, but maybe he/she wanted to stay

astarwarsfan 0

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Sunday 11 July 2010 15:36

it looks like the piano (puts on sunglasses) wasn't the only thing your parents were playing

zanguard 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:14

I wonder what song they were playing?

redtigerlily 5

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:53

It could have been a birthday or Xmas present, idiot.

theConstant 0

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Saturday 24 July 2010 11:08

disregarding ur parents having sex on the piano... since it's ur grand piano ur sister can't touch it even if ur all the way upstairs? learn to share princess..

Shookitup 0

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Monday 26 July 2010 14:44

well now we know why they bought it ^.^

chadical 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 7:12

thats were Microsoft got the idea for sticky keys

Bear_Flu 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 14:30

zing!^

jacetopia96 1

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Sunday 12 December 2010 10:04

or 231 she's a teenager with a lot of cash

rainydayz133 6

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Monday 5 December 2011 5:09

No, just no. it sounds like OP is around teenage years and she suspected that her sister was playing on her piano which her parents probably brought.

tyjay11642 0

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Tuesday 27 March 2012 4:30

How is that even possible...?

the_enigma1019 1

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Saturday 23 June 2012 22:31

# 270, the sister may have been really young, hence the sex sounding like her sister "playing". Would you let a young child bang on your piano?

aimzskee 30

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:51

Not something you woukd ever wish to see

MehrunesDagon456 20

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Thursday 18 September 2014 22:47

I'm a ten year old but I have the maturity level of an adult, (hence my name, the name of a murderous 200 foot tall demon from hell)

Sunrox 4

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Monday 26 June 2017 1:50

Seriously? If they bought it and don't want their sister touching it, then that's their choice. God.

KHJ_ftw 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:42

ugh!

biggerthanlife 0

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Saturday 3 March 2012 9:25

Here cums Mozart!

Zangetsu67 5

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Wednesday 11 July 2012 7:15

First

arrow007archer 19

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Tuesday 1 July 2014 17:25

pass the brain bleach

princess243 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:43

LOL eww!!

Chad_the_Brony 0

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Sunday 22 January 2012 10:46

Wait, you have your own piano but your name is Guitarchick?

krmc822 6

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Saturday 4 August 2012 9:47

Dude that's jsut sick ^ and maybe she likes music

Samael_fml 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:43

You'd think they'd at least have the courtesy to wait until no one else is home before screwing somewhere where anyone could just walk in!

Radgears47 23

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Wednesday 6 May 2015 7:51

My parents are horny... Too horny. They have gone at it (i caught them in the act by accident) while ive had friends over.

Serial 2

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:44

ahhh, nothing like sex on the piano

Milena_fml 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:44

#4, that's how you know it's a fake

Boudica 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:45

LOL, if they bought it they can abuse it.

myoukei 31

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Thursday 24 November 2011 22:29

what if it was either A: a gift from someone else (and not her parents) or B: something op saved up for themselves? ???

Satoaoi 13

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Friday 18 January 2013 12:15

not to have sex on. that's just stupid annoying and makes no fucking sense at all

rawr_z 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:45

Woah that's disgusting lol.

YUMmMm 0

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Thursday 1 April 2010 18:42

agreed ^^^^ and OP you are scared for life ...

fatham 0

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Saturday 17 April 2010 8:17

ur pretty

rupert_45 0

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Thursday 27 May 2010 1:00

she's pretty

alex_vik 0

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:46

You have disgusting parents.

CanadianHuney 0

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Friday 2 April 2010 17:06

I agree! ugh I'd sell the piano...

Natadance4eva 0

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Friday 22 July 2011 20:45

and without their permission...I'd be soo pissed, they need to get a room!!

jazminbliss 2

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Saturday 4 April 2009 23:46

oh ew. gag.

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 576

Today, my 9 year-old son told me that sometimes he gets stiff “down there.” I assured him that it’s perfectly normal, but then he added that it only happens when he hears his stomach growling. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 69

PMS FTW

Jaws 2: A Pig in the City

Trigger happy

So romantic!

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