Family, the best funniest jokes

470

Today, I had a job interview. I have another job I want to leave, but haven't said anything yet. At the interview, I mentioned where I worked, and the interviewer name-dropped my manager. She then told me he was her step brother. So much for not wanting my manager to know. FML

By Kayla - 16/1/2021 11:02 - United States - Wenatchee

Never name-drop

551

Today, after there was only one family that hated me enough to beat me up when we were kids, and we still don't get along as adults, my youngest brother is now dating into that family, and one of my older brothers is dating into that family too. It's like some kinda sick curse, or karma. FML

By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 12:01 - Canada - Charlottetown

No, not them!

489

Today, my mom was screaming and throwing things at me and I didn’t know why. Then I checked the date. Her birthday was yesterday. FML

By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 23:01

And I Oop

256

867

Today, after repeatedly telling my partner's family that our daughter is allergic to peanuts, his grandfather decided to feed her one, to "see if she really is allergic." FML

By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 17:01 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

You old fool

936

Today, after Boris made his Monday night lockdown announcement, my husband announced that no way can he handle another lockdown stuck in the house with me and two teenagers, so he drove all night to our static caravan and insists he’s staying there alone until lockdown is over. FML

By Ella - 15/1/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom

Thanks Boris!

681

135

Today, after meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, I found out that he, his sister and their father enjoy talking loudly over the person who is currently talking, because what anyone else says is not worth listening to. FML

By Anonymous - 14/1/2021 15:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Welcome to hell

738

Today, I was terminated from my job because my boss “felt like it.” My parents have made it clear to me that if I am ever fired from a job, for any reason, they will kick me out on the street and never speak to me again. FML

By shary - 12/1/2021 01:59

Unreasonable

895

Today, like every other day, my dad thinks my sister is autistic and needs therapy. He wants me to think that too. I'm pretty sure she is just introverted and hates our family. I wonder why. FML

By Anonymous - 6/1/2021 08:01

Family matters

791

Today, my sister and mom were arguing. My sister was being really nasty to my mom, and decided to get nasty with me and drag me into the argument. Naturally, I got nasty back at her and we started fighting. My mom yelled at me for getting nasty with my sister, and kicked me out of the house for “being too nasty.” FML

By Marissa Di Stefano - 5/1/2021 17:01

Leave me out of it

720

156

Today, my partner thought I was having an affair because I received a video call but declined it. It was from my daughter, and I declined it because I was already on a video call with my sister. FML

By Anonymous - 4/1/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - Gosport

It wasn't me

767

Today, my brother-in-law declared he does not want to be vaccinated against Covid, because his friend, who is a nurse, told him it could make him impotent. Can please someone remove her from the health system? FML

By Andrea - 4/1/2021 16:59

Misinformation

656

121

Today, while eating breakfast with my family, I asked my mother if there was any more scrambled eggs in the skillet because I really felt like having some more. She got mad at me because she thought I'd asked in a sarcastic manner. I wasn't joking. FML

By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 23:01

Eggs

692

Today, I’m convinced my mother in law comes over every holiday just to make me miserable. She comes in, criticizes me food, snarks then ignores the kids. I dread every holiday and spend it getting drunk and casting F-you glances at my husband. Is it wrong to buy her a casket for the next holiday? Is it really? FML

By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 08:02 - United States - Gwynn Oak

Holiday cheer

848

105

Today, after my grandfather died a month ago, my grandmother had a massive stroke. I have a sinus infection but had to be tested for Covid. I need it to show negative so I can say goodbye to the most influential woman in my life. I don’t know that results will be back in time. FML

By Sad - 3/1/2021 11:01

Tock follow tick follows tock…

1057

Today, my 45 year-old sister blamed my parents yet again for losing one tooth after the other because they did not tell her to brush her teeth before going to bed. It's general knowledge, honey. And somehow, I still have all my teeth. FML

By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 08:02

8 out of 10 dentists

732

1564

Today, I got yelled at by my dad again for being inside so much instead of outside doing stuff. We are still in a lockdown and are not allowed to leave the house unless its for work or to go to the store. FML

By idk.man® - 1/1/2021 22:54

Thanks, dad

776

Today, I learned that I've married into a family that talks to movie characters as they’re doing stuff in the movie. Good luck hearing the dialogue now. FML

By Anonymous - 2/1/2021 00:01 - Australia - Melbourne

Can it, now!

747

114

Today, I found out where the puddle in the basement came from. I thought the freezer was broken, but no. My mom is running what can only be called a death camp for vegetables in there. She buys them, then forgets about them until they turn liquid. FML

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 23:01 - Germany - Zittau

Suffer little chives

867

Today, exactly a year after he ended our relationship days before our son's first Christmas and told me he would always be in mine and our sons lives, I learned my ex got a new girlfriend several months ago, who more than likely is the reason he stopped calling. FML

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 07:01 - Ireland

Deadbeat

753

100

Today, my mum vented her anger on me by shattering my mouse on the floor, taking my keyboard and nearly ripping out my monitor. At least a spare mouse and the on screen keyboard are better than nothing. This hurts. FML

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 09:32 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Insane parents, part 38765

748

Today, my sister was meant to come over for lunch for my birthday. Turns out, she forgot about it. FML

By Zebra - 30/12/2020 22:58

Happy Birthday to me

733

Today, I was told by my sister over the dinner table that some guy is telling people I’ve had sex with him; that’s not even the worst part. He’s telling people my sister walked in. One, I haven’t talked to him in years; two, he’s really not my type, three, I’m in a relationship. FML

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Pants on fire

810

Today, my parents think the only reason I'm gay is because I have a curse that makes me attracted to females and I'm actually straight. At this point, even my older sisters believe it which is crazy. FML

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 11:01

Cursed FML

867

Today, I was at the laundromat doing laundry with my mom when the guy running the place asked if we were "together". I thought this was just because of Covid and social distancing, but it turns out he thought my mom was my wife. FML

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 02:08 - Canada

Cougar

695

Today, my dad snapped at me for assuming that Eminem was the one to come up with the phrase, “Will the real ___ please stand up?” since that was the only time I’ve heard it. Apparently, I “always assume things are modern”. So I asked him where in fact the phrase came from and guess what? He didn’t know. FML

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 05:03

He's still right, though

663

123

Today, I found out the guy i've been crushing on might be my cousin. Again. FML

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 20:02 - United States

Diaspora

728

163

Today, my mom’s house has several comfortable places to rest in every room. For the cats and dogs, that is. Unfortunately for me, I'm a human. FML

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 08:03 - Germany - Ebersbach

Preferential treatment

585

Today, my mum went and told everyone she only went to the doctor after being ill because my brother told her to. It was me who'd been telling her for weeks to go. FML

By - 28/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom - London

Golden child

667

Today, I always hated not having a boyfriend during holidays, my relatives would always ask me what was wrong with me. I'm married now and my husband always finds a way to skip holiday reunions. My relatives keep on asking me what's wrong with me. FML

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 14:01

Family man

841

130