It’s right there in the name: “Nearly FMLs”. These are FMLs, but not quite. They’re nearly FMLs. Here you’ll find the FMLs that were voted for positively by our users and that are waiting to be validated (or not) by the FML team, along with those that we rejected for being too similar to previous FMLs or not funny enough to our discerning tastebuds.

Today, I went to a Family Reunion/ Wedding this weekend. First night I was there, I had undercooked shrimp and got food poisoning. Threw up 10 times in one night, and was sick all weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By - / Monday 12 November 2018 22:43 /

Today, it was raining heavily so I decided to sprint to the shop to get less wet. I ended up slipping and falling in a giant puddle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By - / Monday 12 November 2018 20:39 /

Today, at my first day of my dream job, I dropped a delicate $700 piece of machinery on the ground. FML

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You deserved it

By tattooapprentice / Monday 12 November 2018 19:27 /

Today, I learned after weeks of waiting that my order of vinyl siding had been shipped to a contractor in another state, who installed it without realizing it was the wrong style and color. I would have to wait weeks for a new shipment, except the manufacturer has discontinued it. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Monday 12 November 2018 18:19 /

Today, after five years of marriage and 10 years of knowing my husband, my husband tells me he cheated on me. the lover is now pregnant...we have been trying to get pregnant for over 5 years...FML

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You deserved it

By ally - / Monday 12 November 2018 15:34 /

Today, I wore bad shoes to work and as a result, have now got nerve pain in my legs and butt. I asked my bf to give me a massage to help relieve the pain. He immediately dug his finger into the nerve which made me scream the loudest most agonising scream I could muster. I’m in so much pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Clobutt - / Monday 12 November 2018 15:33 /

Today, I was having sex with one of my friends in my poorly lit truck and only to find out after that she has a cut on her vagina leading to blood all over my seats and dick. FML

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You deserved it

By "Bannannabrainz" - / Monday 12 November 2018 08:29 / United States - Schertz

Today, a week after my son was born via C-section, I received 3 messages from 3 different women saying that they had recently slept with my fiance. One of them said they tested positive for herpes, so now I have to go get tested. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Monday 12 November 2018 15:08 /

Today, while being intimate with a guy. I wanted to be sweet by going down on him. Unfortunately, I got him too excited and he farted in my face, 5 times continuously. This was the first time anyone had ever farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Monday 12 November 2018 12:07 /

Today I went to the phone store to get a new sim card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn poped up. FML

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You deserved it

By / Monday 12 November 2018 11:49 /

Today, I decided to ask the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me “its a date!” I started booking tickets. He said “why are you booking two?” I looked at him confused and then he said “what about Dave? Dave? My boyfriend.” FML

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You deserved it

By Ouch - / Monday 12 November 2018 20:19 / Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, I submitted some honest, negative feedback to the customer service team of all my favourite games, Today is also the day all my accounts got permanently banned from my console and I have lost all my progress. Bye bye 22 years. FML

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You deserved it

By Oops - / Monday 12 November 2018 10:09 /

Today, I found a bag of frozen broccoli in my car boot from when I went shopping 3 days ago. My whole car smells like farts now. FML

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You deserved it

By FartyCar - / Monday 12 November 2018 06:59 /

Today i want into the bathroom in the middle of the night without the loght on and realized that i stepped on something. I turned on the light... it looks like my rat poison worked... FML

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You deserved it

By stepped_under_a_ladder / Monday 12 November 2018 04:11 /

Today, I got in trouble because my teacher called my parents to tell them that I ditched school/ didn't come back after lunch even though I was in school. No one believes me. FML

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You deserved it

By ApparentlyARebel - / Sunday 11 November 2018 23:20 / Canada - Paradise

Today, I was lying on my bed watching TV, when my auto air freshener misted and a huge glob of liquid pain shot from it hit my tear duct. I was almost blind. FML

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You deserved it

By "TheAngriestNoodle" / Monday 12 November 2018 03:12 /

Today, My friend from school was feeling unwell, so he went to the teacher to tell her. She said eat blueberry yogurt, so he did. After school, he vomited all over the hallway, blueberries and all. I didn’t notice it was there and I slipped and fell into it. I needed to go to the nurse. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By DuctapeCat - / Sunday 11 November 2018 18:17 /

Today, I found out that my miniscus was torn. I was on a ski jump at a lake, and I was with my friends. I was climbing up the ski jump and I fell on my knee. I tried moving my leg but it was intensly painful. Now, I need surgery in a 5 months to get it fixed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Ductape - / Sunday 11 November 2018 18:13 /

Today I was asked to fix my grandfather's laptop, and when I opened his history to clear it up for a little more speed, it was filled with pages and pages of Xvideos. FML

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You deserved it

By IT Guy - / Sunday 11 November 2018 15:19 /

Today, I greeted my boyfriend at the door to his apartment, like I thought he wanted me to. When he opened the door, he immediately got mad at me because his dinner was already on the counter, cooling. Yesterday he got mad because it was in the oven another 10 minutes.. FML

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You deserved it

By FYouDrew - / Sunday 11 November 2018 11:08 /

Today, my 7 year old son came home from school crying because he wasn't invited to his classmate's birthday party. When I explained to him why she only invited their girl classmates, he said "But I'm a girl too!". My husband, his dad, and my dad will not be pleased if they heard that. FML

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You deserved it

By oh boy.... - / Sunday 11 November 2018 10:30 /

Today, my professor accused me of believing propoganda because I showed him raw television footage proving that he was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By - / Sunday 11 November 2018 06:16 /

Today I woke up to the sound of water been spilled, I hastily get up thinking my toddler spilled water, before I could process what was going on since I was really exhausted,my toddler had taken off her diaper and decided to go pee while she was standing on a chair in my room, soaking everything,fml

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You deserved it

By Anonymous / Sunday 11 November 2018 10:23 / Hong Kong - Kowloon Tong

Today, my aging mom has lost all sense. She sent money to a scammer to "clear" her Amazon account. It's not the first time, and I can't get her to move closer so that I can help her more. She's going to end up living here anyway, in my spare room, after someone walks off with all her money. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By BloodyButUnbowed - / Sunday 11 November 2018 03:16 /

Today My Girlfriend Told me she was pregnant by someone else.If that wasn’t a great enough to wake up to finding out about the chlamydia she gave me is even better.FML

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You deserved it

By TheGoodBurger96 / Saturday 10 November 2018 15:39 /

Today I decided to suck my fiancé’s dick.. right as he commented on my “lack of gag reflex” he hit the back of my throat and I promptly vomited all over his penis.. shockingly I am still engaged but now he has an interesting story to tell all our friends.. FML

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You deserved it

By pickles / Friday 9 November 2018 23:03 / Canada - Ottawa

Today, I threw a "banger", to which I'd invited hundreds. Five showed up. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 10 November 2018 04:44 /

Today, I asked my mom to see a pimple on my back and forgot I had 3 love bites from last night. Dad was also in the room so when she asked “Are those love bites?”, my dad came to see and said “Of course they are, you can still see the mouth”. And they both laughed at me. I’m 22. FML

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You deserved it

By Alexis - / Saturday 10 November 2018 04:34 /

Today I returned home from a 3 day vacation, to find that not only had I not closed the door fully to my three cat's room, but they had shit everywhere, and the house smelled like death. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By - / Friday 9 November 2018 19:30 / United States - Price

Today my cat caught a huge mouse, and I was happy, until I found out my favorite rat was missing. FML

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You deserved it

By Star - / Friday 9 November 2018 19:22 / United States - Price

They are humans !

		Nickname
		nargua
		anonyme1870
		anso2
		jopencil16
		gkrivi
		ganerdo
		Ziani7
		Nels452
		DarkGuts
		sidalibigboss

Game Ranking

End of game in

Zombie

#		Nickname	Bites
1		whatshername?!	189
2		MysteryGuitarMan	146
3		im365sostressed	7
4		CaseyR	4
5		thatoneasiangirl	0
6		manicspecimen	0
7		Danitorresciadne	0
8		horselover69	0
9		Briannm	0
10		wordsoftruth	0
#		Total	346

vampire

#		Nickname	Bites
1		newbiemalestr8	2236
2		BadAtPuns	1412
3		Ashamed_Sister	1000
4		abigiggles	220
5		hellsingthecreator93	183
6		Dave_Davington	134
7		EclipticaLibra	120
8		Vaella	81
9		Callyn	48
10		xsandra	45
#		Total	5740

werewolf

#		Nickname	Bites
1		Taurus_ChicKa	50
2		thisisbutaname	24
3		MrGoesNuts	12
4		cinnadoe	0
5		pameelaslz	0
6		castoreno	0
7		imgonnawupu2	0
8		hggreen7	0
9		ghswrestler152	0
10		TheRealFrisbee	0
#		Total	86

Happy birthday !

See all birthdays

FML

Today, I went to a Family Reunion/ Wedding this weekend. First night I was there, I had undercooked shrimp and got food poisoning. Threw up 10 times in...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, it was raining heavily so I decided to sprint to the shop to get less wet. I ended up slipping and falling in a giant puddle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Nearly FMLs

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Today, we left the cat alone all day for the first time in months, and came back home 11.5 hours later to three enormous puddles of vomit. We then spent...

Today, I accidentally opened my dad's sex tape. For the second time. FML

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Spicy

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Spicy FMLs