It’s right there in the name: “Nearly FMLs”. These are FMLs, but not quite. They’re nearly FMLs. Here you’ll find the FMLs that were voted for positively by our users and that are waiting to be validated (or not) by the FML team, along with those that we rejected for being too similar to previous FMLs or not funny enough to our discerning tastebuds.

Today, my mother annahilated my entire baseball card collection because I am "too old for toys." I am 35 years old, I live on my own, and my collection was worth over $30,000. FML

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By - / Monday 12 November 2018 01:23 /

Today I built a computer with 8 graphics cards that were really expensive. Yeah, they all blew up except the one that cost half the price of the rest. FML

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By Lala - / Sunday 11 November 2018 22:15 / United Kingdom - Dollar

Today, in addition to having to deal with chronic pain in my knees that keeps me from driving for more than 10 minutes, I now have to deal with my brother who thinks I'm not paying him enough for taking me to school two days a week, when he does the journeys for himself anyway. FML.

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You deserved it

By / Sunday 11 November 2018 22:43 /

Today, My friend from school was feeling unwell, so he went to the teacher to tell her. She said eat blueberry yogurt, so he did. After school, he vomited all over the hallway, blueberries and all. I didn’t notice it was there and I slipped and fell into it. I needed to go to the nurse. FML.

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You deserved it

By DuctapeCat - / Sunday 11 November 2018 18:17 /

Today, I found out that my miniscus was torn. I was on a ski jump at a lake, and I was with my friends. I was climbing up the ski jump and I fell on my knee. I tried moving my leg but it was intensly painful. Now, I need surgery in a 5 months to get it fixed. FML.

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By Ductape - / Sunday 11 November 2018 18:13 /

Today I was asked to fix my grandfather's laptop, and when I opened his history to clear it up for a little more speed, it was filled with pages and pages of Xvideos. FML

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You deserved it

By IT Guy - / Sunday 11 November 2018 15:19 /

Today, I greeted my boyfriend at the door to his apartment, like I thought he wanted me to. When he opened the door, he immediately got mad at me because his dinner was already on the counter, cooling. Yesterday he got mad because it was in the oven another 10 minutes.. FML

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By FYouDrew - / Sunday 11 November 2018 11:08 /

Today, my 7 year old son came home from school crying because he wasn't invited to his classmate's birthday party. When I explained to him why she only invited their girl classmates, he said "But I'm a girl too!". My husband, his dad, and my dad will not be pleased if they heard that. FML

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You deserved it

By oh boy.... - / Sunday 11 November 2018 10:30 /

Today, my worst fear was realized when after i woke up from anesthesia i learned that id have to live with a catheter in my penis for about a week. The pain and discomfort is unbearable. FML

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You deserved it

By Dickster - / Sunday 11 November 2018 07:14 /

Today, my professor accused me of believing propoganda because I showed him raw television footage proving that he was wrong. FML

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You deserved it

By - / Sunday 11 November 2018 06:16 /

Today I woke up to the sound of water been spilled, I hastily get up thinking my toddler spilled water, before I could process what was going on since I was really exhausted,my toddler had taken off her diaper and decided to go pee while she was standing on a chair in my room, soaking everything,fml

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You deserved it

By Anonymous / Sunday 11 November 2018 10:23 / Hong Kong - Kowloon Tong

Today, my aging mom has lost all sense. She sent money to a scammer to "clear" her Amazon account. It's not the first time, and I can't get her to move closer so that I can help her more. She's going to end up living here anyway, in my spare room, after someone walks off with all her money. FML.

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You deserved it

By BloodyButUnbowed - / Sunday 11 November 2018 03:16 /

Today, as I was scrolling through Grindr, I saw my old scout leader. And his penis. And he asked if I wanted to be his “wank buddy”. FML

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You deserved it

By Pat Rick - / Sunday 11 November 2018 01:13 /

Today My Girlfriend Told me she was pregnant by someone else.If that wasn’t a great enough to wake up to finding out about the chlamydia she gave me is even better.FML

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You deserved it

By TheGoodBurger96 / Saturday 10 November 2018 15:39 /

Today I decided to suck my fiancé’s dick.. right as he commented on my “lack of gag reflex” he hit the back of my throat and I promptly vomited all over his penis.. shockingly I am still engaged but now he has an interesting story to tell all our friends.. FML

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You deserved it

By pickles / Friday 9 November 2018 23:03 / Canada - Ottawa

Today I found out that my girlfriend of 5 years who was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago and I've been taking care of because I love her has been cheating on me with at least 4 guys while I was going back and forth to my parents house and our apartment helping my recently disabled father FML.

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You deserved it

By Joe - / Saturday 10 November 2018 05:01 /

Today, I threw a "banger", to which I'd invited hundreds. Five showed up. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 10 November 2018 04:44 /

Today, I asked my mom to see a pimple on my back and forgot I had 3 love bites from last night. Dad was also in the room so when she asked “Are those love bites?”, my dad came to see and said “Of course they are, you can still see the mouth”. And they both laughed at me. I’m 22. FML

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You deserved it

By Alexis - / Saturday 10 November 2018 04:34 /

Today I returned home from a 3 day vacation, to find that not only had I not closed the door fully to my three cat's room, but they had shit everywhere, and the house smelled like death. FML

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You deserved it

By - / Friday 9 November 2018 19:30 / United States - Price

Today my cat caught a huge mouse, and I was happy, until I found out my favorite rat was missing. FML

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You deserved it

By Star - / Friday 9 November 2018 19:22 / United States - Price

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me that our relationship "didn't count" up until two weeks ago when we stopped working at the same place and it's too early to move in together. FML.

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You deserved it

By Ann - / Friday 9 November 2018 19:50 /

Today, a kid used the emergency handle on my bus to escape and had to be chased down by the police and get arrested, and now I'm gonna be late to school by at least 20 minutes. FML

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You deserved it

By "Aaron Magliulo" - / Friday 9 November 2018 14:56 /

Today, my best friend of 14 years wont talk to me because she “doesnt share my feelings.” Weird, cause it was her that made a move on me last month when I was in town. We slept together that night and every night til I left. She is the one who kissed me but now my feelings are suddenly a problem FML

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You deserved it

By Irons - / Friday 9 November 2018 05:51 /

Today we had our busiest day at work all year, with lots of angry people calling, and a co-worker had called in 'sick'. Went to my local game shop after work, exhausted and upset, and guess who is at his usual table running a Dungeons and Dragons group, apparently not too sick to go out? Yeah. FML.

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You deserved it

By / Friday 9 November 2018 02:37 /

Today, I got in trouble with my parents and they took one of the dozen or so boxes of Pokemon cards I was keeping on the floor. They took the box with my best cards in it, just by chance. They shredded the entire box. FML

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You deserved it

By Umbreon - / Thursday 8 November 2018 23:42 /

Today I got a test back with a zero. The reason? A bonus question on the test was "Who do you want to win the election" and the substitute teacher we had gave everyone that chose democrat a zero. He refuses to change it. FML

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You deserved it

By NowFailingStudent - / Thursday 8 November 2018 17:45 /

Today, my girlfriend, who I live with and work with but on different teams had our first meeting in 4 months. Today both our teams got laid off.. FML

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You deserved it

By Panda Man - / Thursday 8 November 2018 07:22 / United States - Seattle

World

Today, my live-in girlfriend broke up with me in a rage. I was ecstatic since I've wanted to break up for a while, but couldn't as she has no job or place to go. She then "took it back" and plans to stay another year. FML

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You deserved it

By Help.exe - / Thursday 8 November 2018 09:30 / Canada - London

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It is also the day his mother came home early and he pulled out throwing my clothes at me. We hadn’t even gone for 5 minutes yet. Made my first time real special. FML

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You deserved it

By alawnnah / Thursday 8 November 2018 04:55 /

Today, after months of fight and miscommunication, I finally broke up with my boyfriend. The thing is, my family, mostly my mother, thinks of him as her own son. Guess who will have to still talk to him ? FML

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You deserved it

By VeryInclusiveFamily - / Wednesday 7 November 2018 22:38 / Canada - Montr?al

Game Ranking

End of game in

Zombie

#		Nickname	Bites
1		whatshername?!	126
2		im365sostressed	7
3		CaseyR	4
4		NeuroticByChoice	0
5		7846239	0
6		DeadLegBo	0
7		junfitz	0
8		DarkestNightmare	0
9		SweetCheeseIt	0
10		ЗАБЕРИТЕ 12 000 РУБ ЗДЕСЬ www.mnogodeneho.tk TsGGX	0
#		Total	137

vampire

#		Nickname	Bites
1		newbiemalestr8	1904
2		BadAtPuns	1198
3		Ashamed_Sister	681
4		abigiggles	220
5		hellsingthecreator93	183
6		Dave_Davington	134
7		EclipticaLibra	119
8		Vaella	81
9		Callyn	47
10		xsandra	45
#		Total	4886

werewolf

#		Nickname	Bites
1		Taurus_ChicKa	50
2		thisisbutaname	24
3		ЗАБЕРИТЕ 12 000 РУБ ЗДЕСЬ www.mnogodenegm.gq gJCUT	0
4		Emmaz1098	0
5		Redinjun1	0
6		olieder1990_fml	0
7		crazychica97	0
8		Canadiangrown	0
9		xluvr	0
10		hotbuns95	0
#		Total	74

Happy birthday !

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FML

Today, my mother annahilated my entire baseball card collection because I am "too old for toys." I am 35 years old, I live on my own, and my collection...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today I built a computer with 8 graphics cards that were really expensive. Yeah, they all blew up except the one that cost half the price of the rest....

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Nearly FMLs

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Today, we left the cat alone all day for the first time in months, and came back home 11.5 hours later to three enormous puddles of vomit. We then spent...

Today, I accidentally opened my dad's sex tape. For the second time. FML

See all the World FMLs

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Spicy

Today, I jacked off in the shower using soap with scrubbing beads in it. My penis is so chaffed, it hurts to put on pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Spicy FMLs