FML : Your everyday life stories

It’s right there in the name: “Nearly FMLs”. These are FMLs, but not quite. They’re nearly FMLs. Here you’ll find the FMLs that were voted for positively by our users and that are waiting to be validated (or not) by the FML team, along with those that we rejected for being too similar to previous FMLs or not funny enough to our discerning tastebuds.

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a massive argument because I suggested he should get a part-time job while studying. The same boyfriend that i have been supporting for almost a year of him being unemployed. Im paying his rent, bank loans, gym and food.. FML

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By notsoclever - / Thursday 21 February 2019 23:47 / Australia - Ashfield

Today, my boss told me she doesn't care if customers complain and told me I needed to leave my desk with a line of 10+ people waiting to be helped because the task she wanted done is top priority. 3 days ago I was scolded due to a customer complaint and told customer satisfaction is my top priority. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "duckiemarie5468797" - / Monday 18 February 2019 14:00 /

Today after literally 1000s of texts, hours of chats and banter, my co-worker and i admitted that we love each other but can’t leave our own partners for a myriad of complicated reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By DDT - / Monday 18 February 2019 03:00 / United Kingdom - Leigh-on-sea

Today is day 28 since a corrective surgery on my urethra. During my recovery I made my wife cum twice while my catheter made erections excruciating. She still hasn't had sex with me and accused me of "treating her like a sex object" for asking. FML

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You deserved it

By ManNeeds2019 - / Sunday 17 February 2019 09:00 / United States - Dallas

Today I broke off my passenger mirror because there was a huge carpet sticking out of a trash can. I hit it barely going 10 miles an hour and now its going to cost 200+ to fix. fml

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "carmasinclair" / Saturday 16 February 2019 08:00 / United States - Salt Lake City

Today I found out that my landlord is switching to a property management company, and it will take 2 weeks for my rent to get deposited to them when I send it, when I could just go across town and pay it in cash before. My rent is due in a week. FML

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You deserved it

By Fanci - / Friday 15 February 2019 21:00 / United States - Luxemburg

Today I was on a date with a beautiful girl and had just finished a $300 dinner when my father called claiming my dog died, of course I left my date and rushed home only to find out that my dog was perfectly fine and my dad was hallucinating the whole thing. The girl didn’t believe me... FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Guntho - / Friday 15 February 2019 18:00 /

Today I was chatting with the morbidly obese cleaner. After asking her if she had any time off over the holidays, she answered that she hadn't, but she told me she'd have 4 months off in 2 weeks. When asked what she'd be doing she told me she'll be giving birth in 6 weeks. Hadn't noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By snouche - / Friday 15 February 2019 16:00 /

Today, I got yelled at for twenty minutes at work because I said, "What?" the wrong way. What? FML

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You deserved it

By Upsetwolf - / Thursday 14 February 2019 20:00 / United States - Boise

Today my mom told me she wasn't gonna pay for my trip (meant to be an Xmas present). I bought the tickets while on the phone with her verifying that the price was ok & that she was still on board. Wouldn't be going on this trip if she hadn't told me to. I'm a poor college student, in debt. FML....

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Kyrie - / Friday 15 February 2019 02:00 /

Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a boy. When I told her she can’t, she said “Then I want to be dead.” She’s 4. FML

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You deserved it

By mades - / Wednesday 13 February 2019 12:00 /

Today, I went back to school after I was sick. When I came back, I found out that my assigned seat had been graffitied. It said my name, and, “Is a bitch”. All my friends say that I am the nicest person in school. Then, I heard someone talking about having revenge, because I asked for a pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By BeastieHouse / Tuesday 12 February 2019 14:00 /

Today, after a two years being cheated on, I finally get a good one night stand only to throw up after drinking too much and starting my period midway through... FML

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You deserved it

By kiki / Tuesday 12 February 2019 04:00 /

Today my wife got mad at me because my parents bought me a new phone for my birthday. Now she wants a divorce. FML.

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You deserved it

By MansNotSkilled - / Monday 11 February 2019 04:00 /

Today my wife got mad at me because my parents bought me a new phone for my birthday. Now she wants a divorce. FML.

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You deserved it

By MansNotSkilled - / Sunday 10 February 2019 16:00 / United States - Anchorage

Today, I have to force-feed my crying, screaming, writhing one year old the first bite of every single meal I give her, before she happily and eagerly gobbles down the rest of her food. If we're not home, I have to choose between leaving her whiny and hungry or being suspected of child abuse. FML

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You deserved it

By momoftheyear - / Monday 11 February 2019 00:00 /

Today I tried desperatly to keep my girls quiet while my husband took a nap after working a night shift. He decided to work nights. I have a two year old who wants to play because that's what kids do. He woke up pissed for not sleeping at all and yelling at me for not controlling our kids... FML

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You deserved it

By New stay at home mom - / Friday 8 February 2019 04:00 /

Today, I wore loafers without socks to work. I didn’t know that my boss had the office carpeted while I was on vacation and had banned shoes on it. I was the only one who didn’t know that rule and ended up being barefoot all day while my coworkers openly mocked me. FML

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You deserved it

By Damn Carpet - / Thursday 7 February 2019 14:00 / Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, a girl and I matched on Tinder. She had only one picture and she didn't say anything about her, so I messaged her "hi" so I can start a conversation. She unmatched with me a few hours later. This is the second time it happened in less than a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "Boyufd" - / Thursday 7 February 2019 16:00 /

My ex girlfriend and I broke up after 3 years of dating, she stated that we were moving to fast. 3 days later her sister call me and tell me that she getting engaged to her step cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Thursday 7 February 2019 00:00 /

Today, my mom told me I was being "hyper-sensitive" because I said my dad's a-bit-too-sexual comment about spanking children made me uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By ReallyMom? - / Wednesday 6 February 2019 16:00 /

Today, I saw my family for xmas. My cousin, an artist, said the still life I am doing for class isn't art and that I should drop out for trade school. I showed everyone my final, they liked it/said to keep going to school. She "agreed" but still thinks my projects aren't art. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By My_Art_Isn't_Art - / Tuesday 5 February 2019 14:00 /

Today, a guy I really like, who I had been on just 1 date with, attended a NYE event at my job and not only ended up meeting my entire crazy family unexpectedly, but also had to deal with my obsessed colleague who openly took offence to me having a date and refused to work with me. Great start. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By CanOnlyGoUphillFromHereRight? - / Sunday 3 February 2019 22:00 / United States - Greensboro

2 days ago I drove to Florida for a family cruise. My dad had a heart attack the night before the cruise but my family still insisted on going. I decided to stay, got yelled at by 4 people and deemed ungrateful. We don’t have insurance, I’m going home to start applying for jobs to pay bills, FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By raebird10 / Monday 4 February 2019 01:13 /

Today, my coworker was offended that I cut a phone call short with her. For 9 months I paid for the $16 a pound coffee she drinks, helped her with food, medicine and advice, somehow she was never offended by that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By KaD - / Sunday 3 February 2019 14:00 /

Today, my parents shut off my phone. Why? Because I didn’t show them my grades by December 20th. I couldn’t show them because the site was down. I told them that. They didn’t believe me. I can’t show them my grades because I need a code texted to my phone to sign in. They said too bad. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous / Saturday 2 February 2019 08:00 / United States - Indian Trail

Today, I was again accused by the muslim girls at my college of commiting "cultural appropiation" because I was using a headscarf that resembled their hijab. This is the fifth time they insult me for it, even though I have explained to them I learned the folding from my colombian grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Helena - / Friday 1 February 2019 18:00 / Colombia - Bogot?

Today, at night, my husband chose to go out drinking with his buddies. He promised to be home by midnight, so I stayed up so that we could ring in the new year together. I guess he “lost track of time” because he never showed up. Cheers to another year of marriage to an inconsiderate jackass! FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Soon To Be Divorced - / Friday 1 February 2019 14:00 /

Today my dad yelled at me for turning on the tv while he was asleep on the couch. He yelled that it was his house and he can do what he wants. For dinner I went to a nice place and brought leftovers for my brother. Guess who ate every bite. FML

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You deserved it

By Seriously? - / Thursday 31 January 2019 21:00 / United States - Minneapolis

Today, after telling my mother I don't want to celebrate new year eve, she decided to stay with me, so I'm not alone. Now, I'm not only stuck with very person who made me hate these EOY celebrations, but also I won't be able to go to bed after midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "LadyCristal" - / Thursday 31 January 2019 18:00 /

Happy birthday !

StephStavely2324

See all birthdays

FML

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a massive argument because I suggested he should get a part-time job while studying. The same boyfriend that i have...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, my boss told me she doesn't care if customers complain and told me I needed to leave my desk with a line of 10+ people waiting to be helped because...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

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Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Spicy

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we...

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You deserved it

Today, my husband left his cellphone unlocked so I decided to go through it. I found 10 texts threads from 10 different women, one of them from my 18 year...

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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