The best jokes about life

Today, I decided not to show up at school to teach my English classes for no reason so I called and came up with an excuse. At 6:58 am, the light went out. I start my classes at 7:00. It’s noon already and I still have no electrical service. Plus, my cellphone data sucks. FML

By Anonymous - 10/6/2021 08:10 - El Salvador - San Salvador

Today, my fiancée is in the ICU because a drunk Taxi driver collided into her car last night. We were going to marry in three days. FML

By Mario Hugo - 9/6/2021 21:21

Today, I asked my mom nicely to maybe not put the wet dog food where I tend to step in it. Her response? Putting even more and bigger bowls of even wetter dog food there, then laughing at me when I mentioned it again. FML

By Anonymous - 8/6/2021 10:02 - Germany

Today, after 18 years together, my boyfriend and I split up. I’m 32 years old and have only dated one guy my entire life. We built our whole lives around each other. I don’t even know where to begin to start over. FML

By now what? - 8/6/2021 01:08

Today, as I was walking into Wendy’s, a huge gust of wind came and completely blew up my sundress. I was standing right in front of a window and the entire restaurant saw my underpants. FML

By Karen - 7/6/2021 20:27

Today, my brother confessed his love to a girl and she got happy. It was my crush, who I was planning to ask out tonight. FML

By Anonymous - 7/6/2021 13:03

Today, I'm living with my mother again because I don't have to pay for rent. FML

By Alejandro Ornelas - 4/6/2021 08:22

Today, my sister is lesbian and has far more sex than me. The girls she brings to bed are actually gorgeous, too. FML

By Kano - 4/6/2021 08:05

Today, after 13 years of marriage, I'm finally broken. It annoys her that I'm openly affectionate, and flirt with her, and let her know that I'm attracted to her, and she has every excuse in the book for never being intimate. So I'm done trying. FML

By - 1/6/2021 18:47 - United States - Delhi

Today, my sister woke me up by punching me in the balls, then trailed me out of bed by my feet, all because I ate her sandwiches for the day. She was also horrified to realise I sleep in my underwear. FML

By Anonymous - 1/6/2021 17:43 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, after months of being told by doctors and my psychologist that my constant migraines are "all in my head", I found out I have a brain tumor. FML

By Anonymous - 1/6/2021 11:24 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, my daughter came home crying because she failed a spelling test. When I took a look at it, I saw that she’d written “sail” instead of “sale,” “pears” instead of “pairs,” and other such mistakes. FML

By jodie - 31/5/2021 04:49

Today, I overheard my mom telling her friends that “her life’s ambition is to ruin Katie’s life.” I’m Katie. FML

By cookiemonster777 - 31/5/2021 01:02

Today, as always, I can’t touch or walk past anything without knocking it down. FML

By theanswer97 - 31/5/2021 00:08

Today, my mom refuses to believe that I wash my hands or brush my teeth, ever. I’m 17 and I do those things compulsively. What have I ever done to make her think I’m that goddamn gross? FML

By taishi - 30/5/2021 23:51

Today, our washing machine broke. Just what I needed after I got fired yesterday. FML

By Anonymous - 29/5/2021 10:53

Today, despite my nearly impeccable hygiene, flies still land on me on a regular basis. FML

By shit - 29/5/2021 04:43

Today, I have been awake for over 27 hours, all because my boyfriend started a fight with me and has been ignoring my texts and calls. His reason? He "doesn't want to go roller skating with me." I do roller derby, and need to practice, but I get nervous doing it alone. He's considering breaking up. FML

By Jellie - 28/5/2021 10:35

Today, I had to do the walk of shame with my boyfriend’s blanket and nothing more. His wife came home from work unexpectedly and caught us. She set my clothes, bra and panties and all on fire. FML

By Anonymous - 24/5/2021 23:29

231

Today, life is really a giant wave, going through the motions is honestly senseless and void. I wish I was never born. FML

By tim shibuue - 24/5/2021 03:07 - Uganda

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 3 years is being unfaithful. I summoned the courage to confront him about it. His response and I quote: “Well what was I supposed to do? I was horny and you deprived me of sex for 9 months and just gave birth.” He was completely serious. FML

By sadandalone - 23/5/2021 22:41

Today, I got the COVID vaccine and had a wacky fever dream which made me think tylenol was completely off-limits. I spent the whole night in agony before coming to my senses and realizing that I should be taking Tylenol for the side effects. FML

By drey - 23/5/2021 20:34

Today, I asked out a girl who had previously admitted to liking me. She told me it would never happen. FML

By F-ed - 23/5/2021 04:14

Today, not only am I dealing with a terrible hemorrhoid for the fourth day in a row, I have started having symptoms of a terrible UTI. FML

By Krystina - 22/5/2021 10:00

Today my microphone might have not been muted while I swore out loud about something non-work related thinking it was muted. While in a work call with 6 other people including my manager... FML.

By Anonymous - 21/5/2021 14:34

Today I take my laptop to the bathroom and sit on the toilet with it. Why? It’s the only place where I get WiFi. FML

By Anonymous - 20/5/2021 19:47 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I learned that I used to torture animals as a kid. I have no memory of this, and the idea of hurting an animal nowadays makes me sick to my stomach. FML

By manafire - 20/5/2021 03:44

Today, after class, I saw a phone and decided to return it to its owner. The owner showed up, pinned me against the wall, and cut my arm open with a switchblade, all for touching her phone. Not stealing it. Touching it. FML

By kitty - 20/5/2021 03:16

Today, I went on a family trip to Norfolk and while I was down there I met this cute guy but I was too shy to ask for his number and I ended up leaving without knowing his name either and I think of him all the time. FML

By Anonymous - 19/5/2021 05:07