FML : Your everyday life stories

It’s right there in the name: “Nearly FMLs”. These are FMLs, but not quite. They’re nearly FMLs. Here you’ll find the FMLs that were voted for positively by our users and that are waiting to be validated (or not) by the FML team, along with those that we rejected for being too similar to previous FMLs or not funny enough to our discerning tastebuds.

Today, I woke myself up at 5:30 by dreaming that my alarm was going off and I needed to get my kid ready for school. It's Saturday, and this is the only day I will be able to sleep in for the next 2 weeks. FML

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By NailsofThirst - / Saturday 6 April 2019 14:00 /

Today I realised that since moving in with my partner I've spent every single day off I've had cleaning. while he spends his going to see friends. I'm house bound unless with him as I don't have my licence... whitch he promised to help me get 2 years ago. and has not. fml.

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You deserved it

By / Saturday 6 April 2019 00:00 /

Today, I went on what I thought was a four day romantic getaway with my long distance main girl. Her side boy at home apparently got into her head so much that she doesn't want to kiss me, because "it would be unfair to me to kiss me while thinking of him". FML

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You deserved it

By sadstorybro - / Friday 5 April 2019 20:00 /

Today is Friday February 1st and my boyfriend my’s two year anniversary is on Sunday the 3rd which also happens to be the super bowl. We made plans to have a nice date night and just hangout until he told me that he got tickets to go the Super Bowl and he was taking one of his friends. FML

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You deserved it

By Anna / Friday 5 April 2019 14:00 /

Today, my boyfriend checked the oil in his car. He left the oil stained rag on the carpeted floor of my bedroom. He then got mad at me when I asked him to pick it up and put it in the bin. I got the silent treatment for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Ash - / Tuesday 2 April 2019 18:00 /

Today, I shaved my legs and put on sexy lingerie. He went to sleep instead. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous / Tuesday 2 April 2019 02:00 /

Today, I got a message from my group chat saying that they won’t be speaking to me anymore. They said “as much as we love being a bitch sometimes and sticking up for ourselves, you’ve taken it to the extreme and now you are just a inconsiderate and disrespectful person to others feelings” FML

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You deserved it

By TheQueenBitch / Monday 1 April 2019 02:00 /

Today, I was the catalyst to one of my best friends relationship struggles/breakup just by being his friend. His girlfriend is scared I'm going to take him when I'm in a happy, loving relationship of my own. She also met me, said she wasn't worried, then promptly told him to stop being my friend FML

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You deserved it

By TheBestFriend - / Saturday 30 March 2019 14:00 /

Today, I took an Uber in to work with the last $10 in my bank account to be fired as soon as I walked in the door for a post I made on Facebook Thursday. They mailed my last check. FML

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You deserved it

By arthriticwolf / Thursday 28 March 2019 21:00 / United States - Boston

Today, after working 9 hours I came home to a messy apartment, all my food gone but all I wanted was to be intimate with my boyfriend. He couldn’t keep it up. FML

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You deserved it

By nolove - / Tuesday 26 March 2019 14:00 /

Today, my boss told me she was going to her sister's funeral. When she left, she said "have a good weekend". I said "you too". FML

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You deserved it

By "blackrose343" / Monday 25 March 2019 16:00 /

Today I was going to bed with my wife and she was giving all the signs that she wanted to get it on. I rolled to her side of the bed and made my move. She rolled the other way, grabbed her phone, and played on Instagram. P.S. it was my birthday. FML

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You deserved it

By ERock85 - / Sunday 24 March 2019 16:00 /

Today...I woke up only to find out that I had gotten so drunk the night before and taken home 3 guys. I don't know what happened but everything hurts. It was my first time.FML

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By - / Saturday 23 March 2019 11:00 / Canada - Toronto

Today, concerned, I called my husband who is on a business trip and usually calls me around the same time but did not Today. He answered angrily and began cursing at me saying I was “accusing him” of something. I didn’t accuse him of anything, but now I’m suspicious. FML

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By WhyJesus - / Saturday 23 March 2019 14:00 /

Today... I realized that I’ve consistently been ghosted by every guy that I’ve had decent conversations with in the past month ...FML

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You deserved it

By haunted / Thursday 21 March 2019 21:00 / Canada - Chicoutimi

Today, I told my parents that I don’t plan on going to college. Later on I found out that they plan on giving my college funds they saved up to my older brother’s girlfriend. My parents response was “Well she an aerospace engineer, and can’t afford school. She needs the money more than you”. FML

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You deserved it

By LAbound - / Thursday 21 March 2019 18:00 /

Today I had a member of my gym call to say she was overcharged, because we billed her incorrectly, and wanted a refund. After offering other, much simpler ways of compensating her, to no avail, I spent 30 minutes on the phone with our financial team to complete a refund for all of $2.. FML

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You deserved it

By ChuztoLooz - / Thursday 21 March 2019 00:00 /

Today, my polyamorous boyfriend's wife told me that she found out our shared partner was sleeping with her cousin, behind her and my back, for about a month, after she told him, originally, that she wasn't okay with it. FML.

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You deserved it

By polyscammerous - / Tuesday 19 March 2019 12:00 /

Today I was finally able to get to sleep after a long weekend of being violently ill. I’m talking couldn’t even hold down water. Any way I finally get into a good sleep for the first time in 24 hours. I’m even dreaming! Then a telemarketer calls me and I can’t get back to sleep. FML

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You deserved it

By - / Tuesday 19 March 2019 00:00 /

Today I arrived in Tokyo and went to stay overnight in a teeny airport cabin hotel with shared bathroom facilities. I used the little wicker baskets to put my clothes in and when I came out of the shower I found someone had stolen my favorite top. Who steals dirty clothes?!... FML

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You deserved it

By AussieGurl - / Saturday 16 March 2019 04:00 / Japan - Tokyo

Today, after months of finishing off my husband with a BJ every time we have sex, he informed me that he has a lot of resentment building up towards me because of the bare minimum he has been getting. FML

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You deserved it

By aintthatgreat - / Friday 15 March 2019 04:00 / Russian Federation - Ural

Today, my sister refuses to use my bathroom because it is dirty. Whenever it is clean, which takes me a while to clean it, she wants to use it and always messes it up, which I have to clean it again. She doesn't see the problem with this. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous / Thursday 14 March 2019 18:00 /

Today I met with my ex girlfriend who left me 8 months ago and then met a coworker I had a drunk one night stand with 5 months ago to try and get over my ex. They’re both pregnant. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous / Tuesday 12 March 2019 22:00 /

Today, my mom and I got into a fight about a topic we agreed on. Seems like we're destined to never get along. FML

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You deserved it

By "SkinnyLynnie" / Tuesday 12 March 2019 02:00 /

Today I tried to advertise on several online hookup sites. I am so ugly that when girls asked for a pic I would never hear from them again. FML

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You deserved it

By Zooman - / Tuesday 12 March 2019 00:00 /

Today I realized my sex life is a joke. I've waited till marriage with my high school sweet heart and she can't get it in. The week long honeymoon was fighting and no sex. We moved out thinking "we need more time alone" now i have a nagging wife that can't satisfy me. 23 excited for cleaning. FML

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You deserved it

By NurseNyasty - / Monday 11 March 2019 20:00 /

Today, my brother was put in jail for a DUI. When I showed my mother the news article and read it to her she started screaming at me saying “I won’t listen to someone say horrible things about my son!” Last I checked I was her son too and she mocks me fot not being as successful as him... FML

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You deserved it

By Smyth - / Monday 11 March 2019 14:00 /

Today, Both my roommates (who just broke up) came home within 10 minutes of each other. I had just been told that I had a 30 day notice to move as the other one pulls into the driveway. I excuse myself to the restroom and at first l heard arguing and then I heard moaning.. FML

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You deserved it

By Squanching - / Saturday 9 March 2019 13:00 / United States - Omaha

Today, I am leaving for an honors band program. I practiced for months to audition and I was accepted into it. We perform a very formal concert. Right as we left I realized, I forgot my dress shoes. Guess I am wearing beaten up old tennis shoes while everyone else looks like royalty. FML

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You deserved it

By / Friday 8 March 2019 20:00 /

Today, despite him having a truck and plenty of food in the house, my lazy dad woke me up early and forced me to go buy him a biscuit and a cup of coffee for breakfast from the 7-11 nearby. When I got back, he shot me a dirty look, ripped the contents of the biscuit out and ate only the bread. FML

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You deserved it

By you're welcome - / Thursday 7 March 2019 04:00 /