The best jokes about life

Today, I heard my mom and my 11 years old sister talking about how being gay or bi is funny and everybody should be straight.I'm bi(14 years old) and haven't come out yet.FML

By Anonymous - 9/1/2021 13:22 - India - Sikka

Today after cooking dinner for the two of us, I asked my privileged boyfriend if he could walk me home. He refused. After I spent 20 min explaining to him the dangers of walking home in a sketchy part of the city at sundown for a petite woman, he asks: “do you still want me to walk you home?” FML.

By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 15:21 - Canada - Edmonton

Today while I was kissing my boyfriend he said he was still thinking about the girls from a YouTube video we watched before that. The worst part? I noticed that during the video he was touching himself but I thought it was because we were naked in bed together.. FML

By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 20:59

Today the garbage truck forgot to take our garbage. When my neighbor called to complain, the truck came back, backed about 20m into our cul-de-sac, then left, again, without taking the garbage. FML

By Anonymous - 4/1/2021 11:32 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I missed breakfast, dropped my phone in the toilet, and got fired from my job. Welcome to 2021 I guess. FML

By sheila - 3/1/2021 10:21

Today, after three years of unpopularity, I came out of my shell and announced I was running for class president. After I said "this is my platform," somebody screamed "GEEK!" and pulled my pants down. Now, I won't be president, and my purple granny panties are trending on Instagram. FML.

By Anonymous - 2/1/2021 22:32

104

Today, after renting out our house, quitting my job, buying a boat to spend a year with the family. They want to return to lockdown in the snow. Seriously considering installing a plank.. FML

By Anonymous - 2/1/2021 18:59

Today, Happy new year. Can’t go anywhere thanks to corona. Working in a mediocre job. My family doesn’t like me. Depressed about life . 49 years old and not motivated . FML

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 17:24 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I was stuck in traffic. I had no idea what the fuck was going on, but there were cars all around me. I had to U-turn but got yelled at. It’s fucking crazy. Just FML.

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 23:22

Today, Freshly graduated since September, I'm jobless but continually looking for a job opportunity in order to start my life and refund the loan that I made, but because of this fucking COVID that will be a fuckin struggle to find. I struggle so much to pay my study abroad just to go back to my parent's house... FML

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 18:54

Today, while on a Reddit thread, reading pansexual stereotypes, as a self identified pan, I read that people think that we are bisexuals who want attention and to feel special. Ummmmmm. Nope. Let me explain this, Pansexuals are attracted to everyone regardless of their sex or gender identity. Thank you for your time.. FML

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 07:08

Today, my music addiction hit a new low. I started bringing my earpiece to listen to heavy metal during church service. FML

By Music = Life - 28/12/2020 21:17 - United States - Midlothian

Today my friend who verbally attacked me when I tried to tell him about my depression and panic, told me his father died from cancer and he lost all his support in life, his safe haven he could always go to. I was listening empathically and at the same time I felt jealous I never had what he lost. FML

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 08:18 - Germany

Today, I googled which company made the deodorant I used as I really liked it. I did not figure out which brand it is, but I did find out that it was for ladies. I'm a 17 year old male teenager. No wonder I never had a girlfriend in high school.. FML

By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 17:16 - India - Bangalore

Today, After finding out that I am pregnant by my coworker that I was having a fling with. He told me to get an abortion because I’m not the person he wants to have his children. Mind you, we are both teachers and he loves kids. Apparently just not this one! FML

By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 18:01

Today, I watched the kids open gifts. If ordered a movie with some of their items from Amazon, and the toys arrived but the movie did not. This morning, my 5 year old opened a pretty festive little bag... with a copy of Die Hard in it. Fml

By Mixedupsanta - 25/12/2020 14:50

Today my mom has to spend Christmas alone upstairs because I have COVID. My girlfriend is stuck down here with me because she has been so exposed to me, and I feel like I've been run over by a truck.. FML

By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 13:22

Today I got a few things that I never got for Christmas before: My period, including cramps, a headache, a depression, severe loneliness, and the necessity to clean a very dirty house which was left this way by others. Other than that, I didn’t get anything. FML

By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 12:17 - Germany - Neusalza-spremberg

Today I have a head cold. Instead of Christmas Eve in bed with tea resting my boyfriend is insisting on going to every urgent care, which are closed for the holiday, to take a covid test. Being in the cold makes me feel worse. I was planning on quarantining until Saturday to take a test when they reopen. FML

By Mapmouse - 25/12/2020 07:36

Today my family has COVID. My dad is in the ER for breathing issues. I was informed that I will no longer have a job after 1/10/2021. Then I discovered I had bowel symptoms and accidentally sharted myself. It’s Christmas Eve. FML.

By Steff - 24/12/2020 19:04

Today, Wedding moved twice and now cancelled. Was excited to still go on our honeymoon. PCR test on December 18th, negative. Test on December 22nd, positive. Honeymoon. Cancelled. 9K in hard savings. Gone.. FML

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 11:05 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, December 24, 2020 It's the day before Christmas Eve, and I woke up at 7:30am to my mother shouting at me just because I didn't wake up early enough for her. My mom then decides to hit my head with a dirty broomstick (the broom end) while I'm having coffee because she's "stressed" because of me.. FML

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 08:02 - Philippines

Today, Christmas got cancelled this year just like everything else! Thanks COVID for infecting me and letting my 14 days end on exactly the 26th of Dec. FML

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 20:48

today I spent 2 hours making Christmas card for my nan and grandad. 4 hours later my 1 year old brother somehow grabbed it and destroyed it. FML

By - 23/12/2020 16:08 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today I partied with some friends and my crush. We all got wasted and my crush ended up sleeping with one of my friends. FML

By Anonymous - 22/12/2020 05:23

Today, my family won’t let me transition and I don’t know what to do. FML

By Anonymous - 20/12/2020 18:32

111

Today, I dressed up sexy to pick up my boyfriend from work. As soon as I got out of my car, one heel broke and then the other once I got into the store. FML!

By Jinkiesfarie - 20/12/2020 09:05

Today, Like every day, my husband got blackout drunk and took sleeping pills. He won’t remember that he vomited everywhere and I had to clean him and it up. He vomits 3-4 nights every week from this and is mean on top of it.. FML

By Anonymous - 20/12/2020 04:37

Today, my fiance of three years told me his work is more important than me and our two kids. FML

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 23:05 - Canada - Carleton Place