FML : Your everyday life stories

It’s right there in the name: “Nearly FMLs”. These are FMLs, but not quite. They’re nearly FMLs. Here you’ll find the FMLs that were voted for positively by our users and that are waiting to be validated (or not) by the FML team, along with those that we rejected for being too similar to previous FMLs or not funny enough to our discerning tastebuds.

Today, I told a customer her total was $89.40. She put her leg up on the counter and dug a $100 bill out of her nasty sock. It was damp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

Phew, glad it wasn't me

By "belladonna1025" - / Tuesday 18 December 2018 23:00 /

Today, I was awoken at 2AM being told to put some clothes on and get out as soon as possible, as the house is filled with smoke and flames are coming from one of the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By llostinreality / Tuesday 18 December 2018 09:26 / United States - Milwaukee

Today I was laying on my bed reading a book when my dog decided to jump on my stomach and use it as a trampoline as I doubled over in pain

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By belly jumper / Tuesday 18 December 2018 16:09 /

Today, while working as a radiographer, a patient told me how young I looked, and guessed my age as 12-16... I’m 24, and fully qualified, with a bachelors degree...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Imfricken24 / Tuesday 18 December 2018 06:13 / Australia

I went to the store with my 16 year old cousin, he took my lemonade and insisted on paying for it. The cashier said “I like that, that’s exactly what a son should do for his father.” I told him “what’re you talking about man, I’m only 20.” To which he replied “oh I feel bad now”

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Mario / Tuesday 18 December 2018 04:37 / United States - New Kensington

Today I was looking through an old text chat with someone to find a picture. "Someone" also happens to be my crush's sister. I accidentally used an imessage bubble thing (like "questioned" and such) on an old text. It's also 2 AM. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Notok - / Tuesday 18 December 2018 08:13 /

Each one of us has needs we have not had until now.some hope for a better life.others hope foe a stress-free life, and so once you know your needs it is easy to set your goals.If you do not recognize these needs, just keep your emotions in the hands of the things you do everyday

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Raha_S / Tuesday 18 December 2018 06:41 /

Today, I got a course in French, I did it ☺️FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Raha_S / Tuesday 18 December 2018 06:32 /

Today, in my job as a stripper, I got called to an event with about 7 of my other coworkers. I showed up and it’s my fiancé’s bachelor party. This wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t drunk and he hit on every one of my coworkers but me. The only people who paid any attention to me were his friends. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Oh no - / Tuesday 18 December 2018 05:59 /

Today, my friends decided to pull a prank. They told my girlfriend I had cheated on her, which I hadn't. Her revenge? Inviting me over to have me walk in on her with my brother. Our 6 month anniversary was two days away and I got her a trip to Spain, which cost me almost three pay-checks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

Phew, glad it wasn't me

By Mintspice - / Monday 17 December 2018 14:12 / United States

Today, my two year old got out of her crib while I was sleeping and destroyed $700 worth of my makeup from Sephora. FML

I agree, your life sucks

Phew, glad it wasn't me

By RejectRaven - / Monday 17 December 2018 15:27 /

Today, I was in the shop with my little girl when an old man farted on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "Bronnie Victoria" / Monday 17 December 2018 12:23 / United Kingdom

Today I slept with a guy for the first time in 3 years, right as we finished he said ‘you should leave I feel guilty I have a girlfriend’. FML...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Kyz - / Monday 17 December 2018 06:14 / Australia

I’ve been watching a lot of kdramas that have a whole bunch of rich guys that take their girls on amazing dates and everyone looks amazing. I feel very disappointed in my life. I’m very sad.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By help / Monday 17 December 2018 10:02 /

Today, my boyfriend called work because he is sick. Then he called me 4 times while I was working, to complain that I was working, and then he got mad when I told him I was sick and worked a double shift 2 days in a row, apparently that is insensitive of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

That could've happened to me

By "bluebird97" - / Monday 17 December 2018 09:12 /

After a 20 year marriage, the first guy I start hanging out with ditched me the day before we were going to hook up for his ex... who dumped, him for another dude who she was cheating on him with...openly...FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "drkennethnoisewater" / Monday 17 December 2018 07:58 /

Today, I learned that not only is my husband having an affair with my own mother, but my whole family knew. They were keeping it a secret from me for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

Phew, glad it wasn't me

By - / Sunday 16 December 2018 22:32 / United States

Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks

That could've happened to me

By Anonymous - / Monday 17 December 2018 03:43 /

Today, whilst walking at dusk with my newlywed wife, she asked me to her find something to throw out on the frozen pond. I found what I thought was a pine cone in the dark, and picked it up with my bare hand. It was a piece of dog shit. It was still soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

Phew, glad it wasn't me

By AwwwCrap - / Monday 17 December 2018 02:45 /

Today I went to Taco Bell an ordered an Ariana Grande, but they gave me a Pete Davidson instead... FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Vaper - / Monday 17 December 2018 02:20 /

Today, I discovered that my daughter’s first grade teacher told her that she’d be doing the world a favor if she committed suicide. I found out because I picked her up and she asked me what ‘suicide’ means. Did I mention she’s six? FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By azarath / Monday 17 December 2018 01:33 /

Today, I started my period. Today is also the day I had hip surgery rendering me immobile for the next 2 weeks. I now have to lay on a puppy pad and have my bf clean me up every few hours. I'm a heavy bleeder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By / Monday 17 December 2018 01:31 /

Today, I made the mistake of pissing off r/ChapoTrapHouse. They have harassed me off of reddit, Twitter, and YouTube. Their reach is so far that I garuntee there will be at least one comment on this saying "post your hog." FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By - / Sunday 16 December 2018 15:00 / United States - Anchorage

Today I realized I have less than a month before my boyfriend moves back to California. This would be fine except we haven’t spent any time together in over a week due to our opposite sleeping schedules. He sleeps all day and I sleep at night, neither of us have had luck fixing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous / Monday 17 December 2018 00:14 /

Today my sisters BF came over for the weekend, she went to have a nap when we went swimming, I wore a bikini since all my costumes where in the wash, when we went to swim, my sisters BF looked me dead in the eye and told me to dive in, I was confused but shruged and dove in. He got an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By - / Sunday 16 December 2018 21:59 /

When people asked me about my day, I literally made up a story about meeting my “imaginary” cousin who came back from a trip to catch up just to hide the fact that I was sat home all day doing nothing simply because I’m single, jobless and have no friends

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By lifeless / Sunday 16 December 2018 23:30 / Saudi Arabia - Dammam

Today after years of oppression and abuse I was finally able to leave my mother’s cult like church with the help of my sister. I just got a text from my sister saying that she’s decided to “repent” and return to the church. I’m still excommunicated and cut off from the rest of my family. Fml

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By wtf sis? / Sunday 16 December 2018 12:06 / United States - Hesperia

Over the weekend the girl of my dreams came to stay with me on family farm. We had a great time. on the Saturday night we had sex and spoke for hours into the night. Talking about our feelings for each other and how maybe a relationship isn't the best idea. now the world seems all messed up.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "kian" / Sunday 16 December 2018 22:05 / South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Amazon Ruined My Life - / Sunday 16 December 2018 21:00 /

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Sunday 16 December 2018 14:20 / United States - Pittsford

Happy birthday !

wendybirdtrylle

See all birthdays

FML

Today, I told a customer her total was $89.40. She put her leg up on the counter and dug a $100 bill out of her nasty sock. It was damp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

Phew, glad it wasn't me

Today, I was awoken at 2AM being told to put some clothes on and get out as soon as possible, as the house is filled with smoke and flames are coming from...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

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Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Spicy

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today I was messaging memes back and forth with one of my female coworkers and I accidentally sent a junk pic'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Spicy FMLs