Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the...

By misc - 10/2/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

550849

You deserved it

46700

Favorite

Intimacy

The best cat

No one likes a smart-ass

Not a cheating!

By UnluckyLatina - 22/4/2016 03:30 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I celebrated my friend's birthday. While everyone was completely wasted, a couple of friends suggested that I throw a pie in the birthday boy's face. Only seconds after doing so did I realize that the centre of the pie had still been burning hot, since he screamed in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15578

You deserved it

12082

Favorite

By Braced - 21/2/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, my dad and I were shovelling snow off the roof. I told him I was going to jump off the roof. He told me to go ahead, so I did. He failed to tell me that the snow was packed and wouldn't break my fall. I now have an injured back. He didn't tell me because he didn't think I would actually do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9073

You deserved it

38664

Favorite

By lifesux - 5/2/2011 21:28 - South Africa

Today, my mom and I were escorted out of the KFC because my mom tried to mug and pick a fight with another customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33915

You deserved it

3928

Favorite

By xkal174 - 15/11/2010 11:33 - United States

Today, I just found out that my ex girlfriend is gonna be my step mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81152

You deserved it

4602

Favorite

By beno - 7/1/2009 15:25 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband. My wife's excuse for the pics? "I needed a compliment because I thought you didn't love me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29250

You deserved it

6031

Favorite

By toadface - 4/8/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41403

You deserved it

7906

Favorite

By ash - 4/1/2011 21:09 - United States

Today, was my boyfriends last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then ran up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught on her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30751

You deserved it

14721

Favorite

By not4geeks - 15/5/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32200

You deserved it

72872

Favorite

By bTOhno - 13/8/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44921

You deserved it

4711

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/9/2013 02:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am, I gave her my bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed my bank account out. I had $1500 saved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45546

You deserved it

20683

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 01:48 - Canada

Today, I realized the nicest thing my fiancé has said to me all month was that I have "very suckable titties." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30724

You deserved it

5852

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/12/2011 12:40 - Australia

Today, working at a daycare centre, when packing up the kids' beds after sleep time, I slipped and landed in a puddle. Of urine. I had no spare pants. I had to wear them for the rest of my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26971

You deserved it

3253

Favorite

By zero_minded12 - 21/5/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33753

You deserved it

70909

Favorite

By jessica071509 - 24/4/2012 05:42 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50166

You deserved it

3666

Favorite

By Username - 9/5/2011 17:23 - China

Today, I made a cup of tea at work. Whilst talking to a work mate I took a sip of the tea which I had forgotten was boiling hot and laughed at the same time, causing it to come out of my nose. I have blistered my whole mouth and even burnt my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33095

You deserved it

10428

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/6/2014 15:28 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I almost got written up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was explain to him that I couldn't help a tourist out because I speak Japanese, not Korean, and that it's not in fact "the same Asian shit" as he seemed to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48498

You deserved it

3287

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 13:17 - United States

Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice and we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29532

You deserved it

3662

Favorite

By CryoSpectre - 11/5/2015 04:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30709

You deserved it

2306

Favorite

By Gameless Guy - 24/12/2009 15:49 - United States

Today, I learned just how much change a toddler can stuff in to a Nintendo Wii. I also learned that those things are put together with special screws. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27097

You deserved it

4078

Favorite

By Mick - 6/6/2011 14:18

Today, I ran into an old high school friend while out with my husband. When she inquired who I was married to, I pointed to my husband, who was looking at shirts. She laughed and said "No really?", insinuating that I couldn't get anyone that good looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39932

You deserved it

4053

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/5/2019 02:00

Today, I went to the hairdresser on a spur of the moment decision to get a quick wash and cut. 45 painful minutes and $180 later, I honestly don't know if anything was actually done to my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1485

You deserved it

447

Favorite

By M. Night Shytefuck - 20/1/2015 22:52 - United States - Plattsmouth

Today, I handed my boss my 2 weeks' notice. 20 minutes later, I was doing my work alone in the very cold basement of the building. My boss claimed it was a routine relocation planned months in advance. It's going to be a long 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32256

You deserved it

2775

Favorite

By jamiedevin - 6/11/2010 04:04 - United States

Today, I was feeling really sick when I was with my boyfriend at the park. When we were walking, I got really dizzy and collapsed. My boyfriend didn't catch me. His mom took me to the hospital. While I was being poked with needles, he was at home playing COD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34406

You deserved it

4793

Favorite

By spriggs - 25/7/2010 09:06 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15796

You deserved it

127263

Favorite

By cat_loser - 9/12/2016 01:29

Today, I agreed to catsit for a friend. Her cat rode back to my house sitting on my shoulder in the car. As soon as I opened the door, he jumped out and ran off into the woods. It's been 2 1/2 hours and not even food will entice him back to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8605

You deserved it

3278

Favorite

By boostedsaab - 5/2/2010 05:35 - France

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she can't treat me like the way I treat her. She said, "because you love me more than I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38562

You deserved it

4458

Favorite

By life sucks - 20/5/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I learned my boyfriend has another girlfriend. His excuse is he's bipolar and each of his personalities needs a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46639

You deserved it

5063

Favorite

By River - 18/7/2015 04:08 - Oranjestad

Today, my boyfriend's idiotic friend shoved me into a stream so I could be "reunited" with my family, since my name is River. The first thing I saw as I climbed out, soaking wet, was my boyfriend high-fiving his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28425

You deserved it

2764

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/12/2016 00:38 - Brazil - Itaja?

Today, my father is really enjoying the iPhone my mother gave him for Christmas. He's enjoying it so much that he's already installed all sorts of dating apps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22813

You deserved it

1565

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/12/2015 00:22 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was waiting in line while a lady paid for her shopping, when her credit card got declined. She started ranting and insulting everyone and kept insisting: "I'm not poor!" By the time the lady had finally stormed off, I had spittle on my face, and the cashier was almost in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34020

You deserved it

2621

Favorite

By meggiemouse - 9/7/2011 18:00 - United States

Today, marks the seventh day of having my nose pierced. I'd done everything I was supposed to do, even sleeping with a band-aid over it. This morning, I woke up to my piercing being ripped out by my pillow, and the band-aid nowhere in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33657

You deserved it

14348

Favorite

By MrsRODixon - 5/3/2015 12:38 - United Kingdom - Pencoed

Today, I received an urgent call from my son's nursery asking me to collect him, saying he was, "lethargic, complaining about being ill and crying". I get there and he's running around, playing and admits he just wanted to come home. They still made me take him home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31695

You deserved it

2802

Favorite

By anonymous - 30/10/2009 07:45 - United States

Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year old dog that has been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44500

You deserved it

3965

Favorite

By Busted - 16/3/2010 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend since I believed him to be cheating on me with another woman, something he adamantly denied. I went to his house to get all my stuff back. After I left, I discovered a silk thong that definitely did not belong to me, in amongst my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33349

You deserved it

4634

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/2/2010 00:12 - United States

Today, I was on Craigslist looking for a new guitar. I found the diamond earrings and necklace set I gave to my girlfriend last year. She wants 50 bucks for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31500

You deserved it

2536

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/5/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3756

You deserved it

1703

Favorite

By lezbplove - 19/3/2011 05:26 - Canada

Today, I finally decided to tell my parents I was a lesbian. They spent the next few hours reading me the bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55417

You deserved it

22893

Favorite

By floff - 19/9/2017 04:30

Today, I broke a toe. It was not too bad and I can still walk, but the doctors had to tape it to the next toe to help it heal. Turns out I am allergic to the glue on the tape. The pain of the blisters covering two toes and the itch is worst than the break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3404

You deserved it

206

Favorite

By disappointmentafter4years - 12/4/2016 19:31 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after 4 years of staring each other down at the bar, we both finally made a move and ended up at his apartment. After 45 mins of unsuccessfully getting anywhere, I left, to walk home in a hail storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21213

You deserved it

3685

Favorite

By GrandmaShakers - 2/6/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40426

You deserved it

5154

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Personguy01 | 11

#7506414 - Tuesday 25 July 2017 8:40

.......................... If you use that I think it would be incest.

By brightlink | 8

#7435378 - Friday 7 April 2017 22:46

She wants you

Comments

By brightlink | 8

#7435378 - Friday 7 April 2017 22:46

She wants you

By OfficiallyFluffy | 6

#7436804 - Tuesday 11 April 2017 6:20

I had a really long debate about this with my friend once my side was that I would still use it

By Zoë Ruitenbeek | 11

#7448031 - Tuesday 2 May 2017 23:03

??????

By HEnRyEdwardsIII | 15

#7449872 - Saturday 6 May 2017 4:03

ewwwwwwwww. just ew.
don't even think blowing your nose with her clean underwear before she wears it would be effective... then you would just have booger breath.

By Hippo_Holiday | 19

#7466020 - Tuesday 6 June 2017 8:39

I have to say, that is quite disgusting

By SuperJay2806 | 12

#7502468 - Saturday 22 July 2017 0:43

I bet that's the best pussy you've ever tasted!

By Personguy01 | 11

#7506414 - Tuesday 25 July 2017 8:40

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By LunaWolf182 | 16

#7527722 - Wednesday 9 August 2017 22:38

At least you seen the toothbrush so you knew not to use it.

By MediocreMan19 | 18

#7610165 - Monday 12 March 2018 4:39

Sounds like it’s time to have a long talk with her, and get your parents involved too. That is completely inappropriate

By Felice Godin | 19

#7847545 - Tuesday 1 October 2019 1:23

gross hide your eletric stuff in your rm