FML : Miscellaneous, Your everyday life stories

Today, I witnessed a postal worker with an important parcel stopping before knocking on my door, shrugging, getting back in his van, and driving away. I couldn't get the door open quickly enough before he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Millar - / Wednesday 24 October 2018 00:30 / Australia - Carlton North

Today, my sister asked to use my blow dryer, so I gave her the keys to my apartment. When I came home from work, half my clothes were missing. FML

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You deserved it

By Aries_gurl - / Tuesday 23 October 2018 08:00 / United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my sister couldn't find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML

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You deserved it

By Useless Key - / Sunday 2 September 2018 18:30 /

Today, in an attempt to keep a conversation flowing, I panicked and asked a man what country he was from in response to him telling me he was Brazilian. FML

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You deserved it

By mastermind - / Wednesday 22 August 2018 23:30 /

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML

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You deserved it

By Matti - / Friday 17 August 2018 22:00 /

Today, I was fiddling with a ring my aunt hand made me, accidentally slipping it off, and dropped it in the toilet. Like an idiot, I scrambled to get it out only for my bending over to activate the automatic flush. FML

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You deserved it

By Lostring - / Monday 2 July 2018 20:30 /

Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML

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You deserved it

By eggonmiface - / Sunday 1 July 2018 15:00 /

Today, I finally found a dress I'd been missing for months. It was in a casket, on my recently deceased cousin. FML

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You deserved it

By ElleSavage - / Saturday 26 May 2018 01:30 /

#priceless

Today, I was at the Kings Avalanche game in Denver. Anže Kopitar scored a hat trick and people threw hats in. Someone ripped my own hat off my head and tossed it on the ice. It was a gift from my dead grandparents with my name stitched onto it. I’ve had it for 15 years. FML

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You deserved it

By Clorpy - / Friday 30 March 2018 07:00 /

Today, I got my first tattoo. I didn't realise that the font I chose uses a fancy capital L that can easily be mistaken for a capital F. It looks like I have "I'm A Good Fuck Charm" tattooed on my wrist. FML

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You deserved it

By mislabelled mother - / Saturday 24 March 2018 01:30 /

Today, I had to pee really badly. I rushed to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and sat on the toilet. After a few seconds of peeing, I realized I had only pulled down my pants. Not my underpants. FML

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You deserved it

By PeedMom - / Friday 16 March 2018 09:00 / United States - Cedar Bluff

Today, I finally met my long-term partner's mother, which I'd been nervous about for some time. Whilst using her bathroom I managed to knock over a large, ornate mirror and it chopped her toilet in half. FML

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You deserved it

CaptainShalliwaffle Say more :

Op here: Nope, it didn't smash the toilet, it literally cut it right down the middle and got stuck there. It was just this huge, metal edged mirror balanced against the wall by the toilet and I nudged it over. Did pay for the repair but it took weeks as the plumber messed up the job. She had to use her neighbour's bathroom for over a fortnight.

By OhCrap - / Friday 2 March 2018 09:56 /

World

United Kingdom

Today, my mother, who has no life of her own, barged into my house and demanded to know why we hadn’t had kids yet after 6 months of marriage. She then hoovered the living room for a while, even though I did it yesterday, and only left after criticising my wife’s makeup and body weight. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 24 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Pontefract

This is why we shop online!

Today, while checking out at Target, I had the choice of standing behind one lady or a long line. Naturally, I chose the former. Half an hour later, the long line had completely passed, and I was still standing behind the lady, who was now arguing with the cashier. FML

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You deserved it

By trash80 - / Wednesday 21 February 2018 19:00 /

Why hello there...

Today, while looking at a house to buy, I opened a bathroom door. There was a naked man on the toilet. FML

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You deserved it

By Shocked - / Sunday 28 January 2018 19:00 /

Today, I discovered that my obese 57-year-old mother’s flat-out refusal to close the door when she uses the bathroom doesn’t change even when I have friends over. FML

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You deserved it

By Howhardisittoclosethefuckingdooryouidiot - / Friday 5 January 2018 09:00 / United States

Today, at age 23, I met my absentee father. He went on about how much he missed me and wanted to know more about me. He then asked if I knew where he could get some good weed, and said he'd share it to make up for all the missed birthdays and Christmases. FML

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You deserved it

By joi9496 - / Monday 1 January 2018 01:30 /

Today, a stranger yelled, "Non-believers shouldn't wear these!" He then took my rosary and ran off. It belonged to my dead brother. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Thursday 14 December 2017 01:30 /

Today, I tried to pay my phone bill. My account said my zip code for my card was wrong, so I called customer service. After a half-hour wait, I finally got ahold of someone. Right as we connected, the call dropped. My plan had expired. FML

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You deserved it

Emi N. Jax Say more :

Ok so to everyone saying "why don't you just do automatic payments?" Or "the bill is the same time every month just plan ahead." IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIX THIS SINCE AUGUST! I can't connect my credit card due to the "incorrect zip code" and was trying to call customer service to get that fixed. Thank you -_-

By Anonymous - / Thursday 30 November 2017 10:22 / United States