Today, a creep called me out in the street and asked me why I was in that part of that street, because he "knows " I live in another part of the street, and he found it "odd" that I was there. He was smiling all that time too. FML
Today, my friend of over 15 years told me that we can’t talk or game anymore because his new girlfriend has some serious jealousy issues, and me being a girl is a huge problem for her. I’ve never seen this guy face to face and we live on different continents. He even deleted me off Pokémon Go. FML
Today, I was waiting for my friend outside a restaurant when a man walked up and said, “You must be Sarah.” I said no to get rid of him. He apologized and walked away. Two minutes later, my friend arrived and asked why I was talking to her dad. FML
Today, my mom opens at McDonald's, and I go with her to chill before walking to the bus stop. The lobby was closed. I had to shit so bad, I was knocking on the door, and usually they let me in, but nobody noticed. I had to shit so incredibly bad. so… I went into the car and found an old McDonald's cup and some napkins… FML
Today, I ran into my middle school crush in college. He said he found my public art account and saw my drawings from middle school on there. Except I made that account in high school and the drawings on there are all recent. FML
Today, I was making dinner when my smoke alarm started going off. I opened all the windows and waved a towel underneath it. After ten minutes, I realized the alarm wasn't reacting to the food. Its battery was dying. FML
Today, I wore a new pair of shoes to work that I'd bought yesterday. Around lunchtime, I finally realised that one shoe felt slightly tighter than the other. I took it off and found some paper stuffing still inside. I'd spent five hours walking around with it. FML
Today, I got home and noticed my kitchen light was on. I was annoyed because I'd definitely switched it off that morning. Then I noticed that I'd left the curtains open. The sun was shining directly through the window onto the wall. I'd spent five minutes investigating sunlight. FML
Today, I ordered takeaway and waited outside my building for the delivery driver. After ten minutes, he called and said he'd arrived. I told him I couldn't see him. He said he was standing outside my building. We were both outside different buildings with the same number. FML
Today, I got home from college. Since I haven't seen my parents in almost a year, I sorta expected them to come meet me/pick me up at the airport. Nope. What did I get instead? A text from my dad saying, "I hope you have a key." FML
Today, my neighbor confessed to me that he was homophobic and regrets that his family doesn't know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining how much he would hate to have a gay child. I spent two hours last night convincing his son that it was the right thing to tell his family he was gay. FML
Today, I'm living in a hotel and every morning during breakfast, I inspect the muffins and see hair under the clear wrap. This morning, I finally found no hair when looking at the muffins and I really wanted one. I peeled back the clear wrap and immediately revealed hair. Why is this place so disgusting? FML
Today, I wondered if it's it weird when your “friends “ show up in the places where they refused to go with you, but then act surprised the next time they see you in the exact same place where you said you were going, or it is just me? FML
Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML
Today, I found out that the woman who I punched in the face after I caught her on my porch snooping through my mail is pressing charges. FML
Today, since my phone had two eSIM cards, I decided to activate the second one. No harm no foul, right? But then I realized having two with the same number was redundant and turned it off. That disconnected my cellphone data, causing me to fly into a panic. It took 30 minutes with customer service to fix my mistake. FML
Today, I waved at someone across the street because I was absolutely certain they were my friend. They waved back, so I walked over. We stood there awkwardly for about ten seconds before I realized I had never seen this person in my life. Apparently they had waved at the person standing behind me. FML
Today, I looked at house listings, found my parents' home, empty and repainted. I hope they're OK. No calls. I'd been gone for months, ill, weak, and struggling to recover. They knew this. They threw away life memories, my body of work, new clothing and supplies for when I got back on my feet, and more. Gutted. FML
Today, I spent a few seconds looking for my phone before realizing I'd been holding it the entire time. I laughed, put it down, and went back to what I was doing. Ten minutes later, I started looking for it again. FML
Today, I stopped at a supermarket after work and put my reusable bags on the counter while I paid. When I got home, I realized I'd left the bags at the checkout. I went back, and they were still there. Nobody had touched them. I felt strangely lucky and embarrassed at the same time. FML
Today, I was told off by my dad and stepmom for talking to the delivery person delivering my package. My stepmom's reason was understandable, because I was "slowing her down and she was on the clock", my dad's ridiculous reason was that I could get ripped off. This was AFTER I bought my products, not before. FML
Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML
Today, I took my laundry out of the washing machine and noticed one of my socks was missing. I checked the drum, the floor, and the laundry basket. I eventually found it inside the sleeve of the hoodie I'd been wearing while loading the machine. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket for three things and repeated them to myself the whole way there. I came home with everything except those three things. I did remember to buy a cake I hadn't planned on getting. FML
Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML
Today, I sold my old iPhone 14… or at least I tried. I met the customer and she said, “Gee thanks!” and walked away with it. When I asked for the money, she said, “Suck my dick!” and took off running. I'm too out of shape to catch her and phoneless until I can come up with the remaining $200 to pay for my new iPhone. FML
Today, I went through the local coffee shop drive-thru and got a canned energy drink. I didn't notice the extra topping until I was miles down the road. Someone had thoughtfully topped the can with whipped cream and curly hairs. FML
Today, on a whim, I tried the handle of the front door we never use and found it was unlocked. No one can remember the last time we used that door, and it opens directly onto the pavement, meaning for potentially years anyone could have strolled in at any time. Maybe they already have. FML
Today, I tried to overcome my crippling social anxiety and isolation by joining a club at the campus I attend remotely. Two girls at my table whispered and giggled the entire time, and one of them kept popping her lips like Donkey in the carriage scene in Shrek every few seconds. I left early with a migraine. FML
Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique mirror after discovering a stack of papers behind the back board. I finally got hold of one corner, and pulled out… a newspaper from 2007 and instructions for an IKEA bed. FML
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