By Noname - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States AKA the Oskar Deutsch look Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML I agree, your life sucks 13632 You deserved it 76523 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nawel - this FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France Yummy Today, I helped myself to a piece of a cake brought by guests at a birthday party. I didn't like it much so I discreetly attempted to give it to the girl next to me. I asked her, "Do you want some? It's sort of disgusting." She replied, "Thanks, I made it." FML I agree, your life sucks 11187 You deserved it 35825 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By caseyl - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff Confused Today, I was talking to a friend about the US presidential election and mentioned the UK. She got really confused and told me she'd always thought they were the same country. FML I agree, your life sucks 9165 You deserved it 691 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share caseyl tells us more : Finland. Can't blame the education, my friend is the kind that chooses to forget everything after passing the exams...
By JustAnotherTina - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia Appropriate? Today, I got an email. It said, "Everyone hates you. We voted." FML I agree, your life sucks 40352 You deserved it 5748 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 29/2/2020 20:00 May be Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML I agree, your life sucks 1515 You deserved it 117 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 29/2/2020 14:00 Why I did that? Today, I was trying to shave down there. I'm about 6 months pregnant, and I can't see past my belly. I ended up scaring the crap out of myself into thinking I was miscarrying until my baby kicked and I realized I had just accidentally cut myself with the razor. FML I agree, your life sucks 1278 You deserved it 751 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 29/2/2020 05:00 Bad encounter Today, while finishing shopping with my kids, my female best friend and I were accosted by a called street preacher. He screamed that we were an abomination, having biracial children was a sin against nature and we were ruining America. Not only we are not gay and he made my kids cry. FML I agree, your life sucks 1717 You deserved it 162 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 26/2/2020 01:00 Nothing Today, I realized that I'm on the top of not having my drivers license/ state ID (I was submitting my taxes and needed it) I also threw away my brand new passport because I thought it was trash in my boyfriends car. FML I agree, your life sucks 466 You deserved it 2316 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 24/2/2020 02:00 Incomprehensible Today, I arrived in Tokyo and went to stay overnight in a teeny airport cabin hotel with shared bathroom facilities. I used the little wicker baskets to put my clothes on and when I came out of the shower, I found someone had stolen my favorite top. Who steals dirty clothes?! FML I agree, your life sucks 2867 You deserved it 329 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 20/2/2020 18:00 So shite Today, my date left the restaurant because I didn’t agree with his opinions about the mentally disabled or mixed race couples, etc. Basically, a real scumbag. He also left me the bill, and it turned out he had all the most expensive menu items, including a £120 bottle of wine. It cost over £300 total. FML I agree, your life sucks 2187 You deserved it 316 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 20/2/2020 01:00 It's just me Today, I stopped by my elderly mother’s house to drop off some groceries. I decided to clean the place while I was there, just to be nice. In true Three Bears fashion, I fell asleep on the couch. I was awoken by a police officer pointing his gun at me. My mom woke up and thought I was a burglar. FML I agree, your life sucks 1957 You deserved it 199 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/2/2020 14:00 Bad liar Today, I was supposed to see my boyfriend for his birthday. He said his parents were coming down and it may not be a good time for us to really enjoy each other. Last night I saw a picture of him feeding popcorn to baby llamas with his drunk stoner friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 1606 You deserved it 227 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 17/2/2020 18:00 When karma does its job Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML I agree, your life sucks 838 You deserved it 4670 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Thescarlettfox - 16/2/2020 01:00 Monster in my bathroom Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 1374 You deserved it 828 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 15/2/2020 01:00 Too stupid Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML I agree, your life sucks 446 You deserved it 2124 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 10/2/2020 18:00 Chubby life Today, I was tying my hair up when my dad rubbed my stomach and asked how his grandchild was doing. He knows I'm not pregnant and that I've been trying really hard to lose weight. FML I agree, your life sucks 2421 You deserved it 258 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Broke - 7/2/2020 05:00 - United States This is my life Today, I need money to fix my car, I need my car to get to work, and I need work to get money. FML I agree, your life sucks 1872 You deserved it 178 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By who knows - 5/2/2020 14:00 - United States - Mankato Tell me the reason Today, someone took my phone away. Why? Because I was texting my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me with one of my friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 540 You deserved it 3198 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By handygirl - 31/1/2020 14:00 - Singapore - Singapore I'm here! Today, I tried fixing my bedroom lock because the push button hadn't retracted. When I closed the door, I couldn't open it again because the spring isn't attached to the latch, so that didn't retract either. I'm locked in my own room. FML I agree, your life sucks 1584 You deserved it 480 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By carriageway - 31/1/2020 01:00 - United States - Newport News After sleepover Today, I was at a sleepover for a friend's birthday. It was great, but after sleeping on their pull out couch, I woke up with six pimples on my face and a rash on my back. FML I agree, your life sucks 1930 You deserved it 181 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ChiefKoala - 27/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Rockwood Vibrate mode Today, my stomach growled so loudly in class that my professor told us to make sure our phones were silenced. FML I agree, your life sucks 1796 You deserved it 197 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By night_fox88 - 27/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Camden Go out please! Today, I woke up to my overly religious grandmother trying to shove salt down my throat yelling "DEMON BE GONE!". Why? I didn't wear the cross neckless she bought me. FML I agree, your life sucks 2007 You deserved it 203 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By minac11 - 26/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Brooklyn I am sorry! Today, I went to give my boyfriend a hug and accidentally knocked his brand new phone out of his hand. The screen was broken. FML I agree, your life sucks 1694 You deserved it 308 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Pandaling - 26/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Minneapolis Devil parents Today, my mother-in-law said: "People who don't have kids are children of the devil." I'm infertile, she knows this. FML I agree, your life sucks 2602 You deserved it 118 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 25/1/2020 01:00 - Sweden - ?ngelholm One night Today, I woke up from putting my child to bed. Drowsy, I stumbled down to the kitchen to make a mug cookie. I read a recipe on my phone, and put a knob of butter in a cup to melt in the microwave. I put my phone in the microwave and turned it on for 30 seconds, and didn't realize until I smelt burning plastic.. FML I agree, your life sucks 1726 You deserved it 822 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 23/1/2020 01:00 Favorite child Today, I heard that my mom is coming back from France, where my brother lives. I have lived in the same place, exactly 45 minutes from my mother, for 6 years. She hasn't visited me once, but has been out of state to see my sibling. FML I agree, your life sucks 2045 You deserved it 190 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whiteboyfresh69 - 22/1/2020 20:00 - United States She likes it! Today, while sleeping off my hangover, my niece asked me to get her a drink. I gave her a beer, I didn't notice it until it was gone. She is only 6 years old. FML I agree, your life sucks 660 You deserved it 3406 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 22/1/2020 18:00 Strange noise Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 2653 You deserved it 179 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By onwardsandupwards - 21/1/2020 14:00 Need help Today, I went to the cemetery to visit a friend. As I was looking for his burial plot, I fell into a dug out grave and had to call my partner to come help me get out. FML I agree, your life sucks 1898 You deserved it 427 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mycariswrecked - 20/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Tinley Park Early meeting Today, I was going to meet up with my boyfriend's mother to watch his swim meet with her. On my way to the high school, I got in a car accident. The person driving the other car was his mother. FML I agree, your life sucks 2199 You deserved it 180 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today I was told by my supervisor that I had to complete my flu vaccination since it was way overdue. I go to our local pharmacy since I work in a hospital... I agree, your life sucks 9 You deserved it 26 0 Comments
Today, being away from my fiance I decided to send a raunchy recording to him. Right as I hit send he brought up religion and never listened to the recording.... I agree, your life sucks 18 You deserved it 4 0 Comments
Today, I got my period. I was going to have my first threesome tomorrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 396 You deserved it 145 3 Comments
Today, I was patiently explaining to my boyfriend what I liked in bed, after several weeks of unsatisfactory sex. He snapped at me and said, "80% of women... I agree, your life sucks 961 You deserved it 88 12 Comments
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