FML : Miscellaneous, Your everyday life stories

Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

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You deserved it

By oohrahgal - / Thursday 14 February 2019 16:32 / United States - Clementon

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By steve-o - / Thursday 14 February 2019 15:46 / United States

Today, my stomach growled so loud in class that a boy sitting next to me thought his phone had vibrated. FML

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You deserved it

By qourt - / Thursday 14 February 2019 15:34 / United States

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

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You deserved it

By Polmkk - / Thursday 14 February 2019 15:00 / United States

Today, I was walking to the bus stop when I realised that I hadn't got my headphones in and was blasting Eminem whilst walking past a bunch of 5 year olds. He said the 'N' word at the same time. I guess I'm not going to that bus stop any more. FML

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You deserved it

By "Luke Payne" - / Sunday 30 December 2019 14:00 /

Today, I was kicked out of my aunt's house for being 15 minutes late for her to pick me up. She told me she doesn't want me to come home and left me in a panicked mess. My sister and brother are on her side and refuse to talk to me. I'm now couch surfing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

Phew, glad it wasn't me

By homelesslyf - / Sunday 30 December 2019 22:00 / Australia - Clayton

Today, I realized the only real accomplishment I've had in my life that I take any pride in is that I've had an FML published. FML

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That could've happened to me

By - / Thursday 27 December 2018 18:00 / United States - Floral Park

Today, while returning from a class, I stopped to use the bathroom. While in said bath room, someone threw a chip bag filled with piss water into the stall I was using. FML

I agree, your life sucks

Phew, glad it wasn't me

By Zahkrii - / Wednesday 26 December 2018 16:00 /

Today, I fell asleep in the school bus on the way back home when my loud fart woke me and a few other kids up. I am a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

That could've happened to me

By "AdorableDoxie" - / Monday 17 December 2018 22:00 /

Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML

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You deserved it

By Vomit - / Monday 17 December 2018 05:00 /

Today, after having my car back for a few months after a $2,000 repair, I got in, only for it to not start. Don't worry. It's not the battery. It's the engine, which was fine yesterday. FML

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You deserved it

By "Kaluhaluha" - / Friday 14 December 2018 17:30 /

Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Friday 14 December 2018 03:00 /

Today is my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed lysol in the bathroom after he crapped. FML

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You deserved it

By Birthday blues - / Thursday 13 December 2018 22:00 /

Today my husband blew a tire in a hidden pothole on the way to work. I picked him up in my car later that day, only to hit an entirely different pothole, bending my rim and catapulting my hubcap into the woods. FML

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You deserved it

By Murphy’s Christmas - / Thursday 13 December 2018 13:30 /

Today at work I had recieved a lot of phone calls. I thought maybe it was a scammer line because I never recieve calls. Turns out my phone number was a character's same number in a TV Show. FML

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You deserved it

By Idk - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 08:00 / United States - Wilton

Today, I used a new fragrance-free hypoallergenic laundry detergent for my underwear, as I have sensitive skin. I got a rash. FML

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You deserved it

By It burns down there - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 17:30 /

Today I remembered to put my work uniform in the wash; as I hit start I got an email notification. My landlord confirmed that the engineer will be out to fix the washing machine tomorrow after my housemate reported it as broken. My clothes are locked in the machine that now won't turn on. FML

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You deserved it

By Going to work naked tomorrow - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom - Northallerton

Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML

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You deserved it

By ouch. - / Monday 10 December 2018 09:30 / United States - Stamford

Today, I was playing card games with some colleagues a won a hand. One mate said jokingly "your mother never loved you!", I replied jokingly "at least your mother loved me"... All of a sudden he punched in the face and said, "don't ever disrespect my mother again". FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 8 December 2018 12:30 /

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

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You deserved it

By - / Friday 7 December 2018 16:00 / United States - Zephyrhills

Today, stopping at a rest plaza, the cashier at Wendy’s asked my best friend if I was her mom. We are only two years apart. FML

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You deserved it

By doilookold - / Friday 7 December 2018 05:00 /

Today, I decided to try an online therapy site seeing as I have been feeling very lonely and don’t have any friends to talk to about my issues. After filling out all the initial forms, the site told me there was no one available to speak to me. FML

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You deserved it

By Spencer - / Thursday 6 December 2018 12:30 /

Today, I used my rear windsheild wiper and it shattered a large hole in the glass where the rotating part is. No one can repair the window until tomorrow afternoon. It's snowing. FML

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You deserved it

By Crystal Crackles - / Thursday 6 December 2018 05:00 /

Today, my husband threw away the cast iron skillet my family has cooked with for generations because it had some specks of rust that were perfectly fixable. My 5th great-grandfather had that skillet in 1890 when he was a chuck wagon driver for the cowboys during their cattle drives. FML

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You deserved it

By family heirloom gone - / Saturday 17 November 2018 12:00 /

Today, it's been weeks since I made a Facebook page to arrange something for my birthday as no one was able to attend last year on short notice. Everyone was game but now everyone is flaking. One friend even said, "I'll see who RSVPs and then decide." FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 17:30 /

Today, after a year and a half of growing out my hair, I decided to get it trimmed at a Superclips. I walked in with a full head of hair and I left bald. At least it was free. FML

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You deserved it

By twofade - / Wednesday 24 October 2018 23:00 / United States

Today, I witnessed a postal worker with an important parcel stopping before knocking on my door, shrugging, getting back in his van, and driving away. I couldn't get the door open quickly enough before he left. FML

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You deserved it

By Millar - / Wednesday 24 October 2018 00:30 / Australia - Carlton North

Today, my sister asked to use my blow dryer, so I gave her the keys to my apartment. When I came home from work, half my clothes were missing. FML

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You deserved it

By Aries_gurl - / Tuesday 23 October 2018 08:00 / United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my sister couldn't find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML

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You deserved it

By Useless Key - / Sunday 2 September 2018 18:30 /

Today, in an attempt to keep a conversation flowing, I panicked and asked a man what country he was from in response to him telling me he was Brazilian. FML

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You deserved it

By mastermind - / Wednesday 22 August 2018 23:30 /

FML

Nearly

Today...I woke up only to find out that I had gotten so drunk the night before and taken home 3 guys. I don't know what happened but everything hurts....

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You deserved it

Today... I realized that I’ve consistently been ghosted by every guy that I’ve had decent conversations with in the past month ...FML

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You deserved it

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Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Australia

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Photos

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Spicy

Today I found out why my inlaws hate me so much. Apparently my husband told his brother, who then told the entire family, he caught me cheating a while...

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You deserved it

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we...

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You deserved it

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