Today, it's been weeks since I made a Facebook page to arrange something for my birthday as no one was able to attend last year on short notice. Everyone was game but now everyone is flaking. One friend even said, "I'll see who RSVPs and then decide." FML

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 17:30 /

Today, after a year and a half of growing out my hair, I decided to get it trimmed at a Superclips. I walked in with a full head of hair and I left bald. At least it was free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By twofade - / Wednesday 24 October 2018 23:00 / United States

Today, I witnessed a postal worker with an important parcel stopping before knocking on my door, shrugging, getting back in his van, and driving away. I couldn't get the door open quickly enough before he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Millar - / Wednesday 24 October 2018 00:30 / Australia - Carlton North

Today, my sister asked to use my blow dryer, so I gave her the keys to my apartment. When I came home from work, half my clothes were missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Aries_gurl - / Tuesday 23 October 2018 08:00 / United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my sister couldn't find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Useless Key - / Sunday 2 September 2018 18:30 /

Today, in an attempt to keep a conversation flowing, I panicked and asked a man what country he was from in response to him telling me he was Brazilian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By mastermind - / Wednesday 22 August 2018 23:30 /

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Matti - / Friday 17 August 2018 22:00 /

Today, I was fiddling with a ring my aunt hand made me, accidentally slipping it off, and dropped it in the toilet. Like an idiot, I scrambled to get it out only for my bending over to activate the automatic flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Lostring - / Monday 2 July 2018 20:30 /

Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By eggonmiface - / Sunday 1 July 2018 15:00 /

Today, I finally found a dress I'd been missing for months. It was in a casket, on my recently deceased cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By ElleSavage - / Saturday 26 May 2018 01:30 /

#priceless

Today, I was at the Kings Avalanche game in Denver. Anže Kopitar scored a hat trick and people threw hats in. Someone ripped my own hat off my head and tossed it on the ice. It was a gift from my dead grandparents with my name stitched onto it. I’ve had it for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Clorpy - / Friday 30 March 2018 07:00 /

Today, I got my first tattoo. I didn't realise that the font I chose uses a fancy capital L that can easily be mistaken for a capital F. It looks like I have "I'm A Good Fuck Charm" tattooed on my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By mislabelled mother - / Saturday 24 March 2018 01:30 /

Today, I had to pee really badly. I rushed to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and sat on the toilet. After a few seconds of peeing, I realized I had only pulled down my pants. Not my underpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By PeedMom - / Friday 16 March 2018 09:00 / United States - Cedar Bluff

Today, I finally met my long-term partner's mother, which I'd been nervous about for some time. Whilst using her bathroom I managed to knock over a large, ornate mirror and it chopped her toilet in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

CaptainShalliwaffle Say more :

Op here: Nope, it didn't smash the toilet, it literally cut it right down the middle and got stuck there. It was just this huge, metal edged mirror balanced against the wall by the toilet and I nudged it over. Did pay for the repair but it took weeks as the plumber messed up the job. She had to use her neighbour's bathroom for over a fortnight.

By OhCrap - / Friday 2 March 2018 09:56 /

World

United Kingdom

Today, my mother, who has no life of her own, barged into my house and demanded to know why we hadn’t had kids yet after 6 months of marriage. She then hoovered the living room for a while, even though I did it yesterday, and only left after criticising my wife’s makeup and body weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 24 February 2018 14:00 / United Kingdom - Pontefract

This is why we shop online!

Today, while checking out at Target, I had the choice of standing behind one lady or a long line. Naturally, I chose the former. Half an hour later, the long line had completely passed, and I was still standing behind the lady, who was now arguing with the cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By trash80 - / Wednesday 21 February 2018 19:00 /

Why hello there...

Today, while looking at a house to buy, I opened a bathroom door. There was a naked man on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Shocked - / Sunday 28 January 2018 19:00 /

Today, I discovered that my obese 57-year-old mother’s flat-out refusal to close the door when she uses the bathroom doesn’t change even when I have friends over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Howhardisittoclosethefuckingdooryouidiot - / Friday 5 January 2018 09:00 / United States

Today, at age 23, I met my absentee father. He went on about how much he missed me and wanted to know more about me. He then asked if I knew where he could get some good weed, and said he'd share it to make up for all the missed birthdays and Christmases. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By joi9496 - / Monday 1 January 2018 01:30 /

Today, a stranger yelled, "Non-believers shouldn't wear these!" He then took my rosary and ran off. It belonged to my dead brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Thursday 14 December 2017 01:30 /

Today, I tried to pay my phone bill. My account said my zip code for my card was wrong, so I called customer service. After a half-hour wait, I finally got ahold of someone. Right as we connected, the call dropped. My plan had expired. FML

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You deserved it

Emi N. Jax Say more :

Ok so to everyone saying "why don't you just do automatic payments?" Or "the bill is the same time every month just plan ahead." IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIX THIS SINCE AUGUST! I can't connect my credit card due to the "incorrect zip code" and was trying to call customer service to get that fixed. Thank you -_-

By Anonymous - / Thursday 30 November 2017 10:22 / United States

These jugs don't belong here...

Today, Walmart was out of quart milk jugs except for one. When I went to grab it, I had to practically climb into the fridge. My boobs got stuck on the shelf on the way out, and it took a solid two minutes to wiggle my way free. I had an audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Busty - / Tuesday 21 November 2017 06:00 /

Today, the two government buildings on either side of my apartment both started renovations. It will be about two months of constant banging as they cut and put up the steel on both sites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 15 November 2017 15:00 /

World

Kuwait

Today, I had building maintenance come look at my water heater because my shower wasn't getting hot. He went over to my shower and turned the handle the other way, and I now had hot water. I've been taking cold showers for 2 months because the plastic water temp indicator was put in backwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Joe Dirt - / Sunday 12 November 2017 07:00 / Kuwait - Kuwait

World

United Kingdom

Today, while shopping, I tried on a beautiful knee-length dress. It looked amazing and I decided to buy it, until the time came to take it off. A jammed zip meant 15 minutes of tugging before the manager cut me free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By ShinyLadybird15 - / Thursday 9 November 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom

Twitter = Spoiler Land

Today, I posted a blurb on Twitter about why I couldn’t watch tonight’s episode of my favorite show until 3 hours after it airs. Apparently, tonight’s episode had a plot twist 7 years in the making. Everyone spoiled it for me. FML

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You deserved it

Adam Daniel Say more :

It just had said “so and so replied to your Tweet” so I hit it and it was spoilers

By Adam Daniel - / Monday 6 November 2017 19:19 /

Today, I realized that I can recognize each member of my disgusting family by the sound and smell of their farts. I can’t wait to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By seriouslysinglenomingle - / Monday 6 November 2017 12:00 / United States - Crystal Lake

World

United Kingdom

Today, I showed my dad photos from my first fun night out in ages. His response? "You look at least 6 months pregnant." FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By sazz - / Sunday 5 November 2017 03:00 / United Kingdom - Shepperton

World

United Kingdom

Today, I woke up duct-taped to the toilet in nothing but a straitjacket. I don't remember what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 1 November 2017 20:00 / United Kingdom - Poole

Today, my best friend had the balls to call me an alcoholic. She snuck vodka on a cruise ship in a Listerine bottle. I've never had a drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By egsrox95 - / Wednesday 1 November 2017 00:30 /

Game Ranking

End of game in

Zombie

#	Nickname	Bites
1	whatshername?!	126
2	im365sostressed	7
3	CaseyR	4
4	NeuroticByChoice	0
5	7846239	0
6	DeadLegBo	0
7	junfitz	0
8	DarkestNightmare	0
9	SweetCheeseIt	0
10	ЗАБЕРИТЕ 12 000 РУБ ЗДЕСЬ www.mnogodeneho.tk TsGGX	0
#	Total	137

vampire

#	Nickname	Bites
1	newbiemalestr8	1904
2	BadAtPuns	1198
3	Ashamed_Sister	681
4	abigiggles	220
5	hellsingthecreator93	183
6	Dave_Davington	134
7	EclipticaLibra	119
8	Vaella	81
9	Callyn	47
10	xsandra	45
#	Total	4886

werewolf

#	Nickname	Bites
1	Taurus_ChicKa	50
2	thisisbutaname	24
3	ЗАБЕРИТЕ 12 000 РУБ ЗДЕСЬ www.mnogodenegm.gq gJCUT	0
4	Emmaz1098	0
5	Redinjun1	0
6	olieder1990_fml	0
7	crazychica97	0
8	Canadiangrown	0
9	xluvr	0
10	hotbuns95	0
#	Total	74