Miscellaneous, Your everyday life stories

1319

428

Today, I was cutting potatoes. I was cutting them slowly, being careful, but my mom told me to cut faster, that I wouldn't cut myself. I cut myself. FML

By Anonymous - 24/7/2019 05:00 - United States - El Paso

1327

286

Today, I was woken up and kicked out of my friend's party at 3:00 in the morning. This wouldn't have been so bad if someone hadn't stolen my shoes. I had to walk for an hour in the rain, in my socks. FML

By Anonymous - 23/7/2019 23:07 - Canada - Stoney Creek

1444

345

Today, I felt so lonely that when I was watching a ghost show, I wished my house was haunted so at least some sort of presence was with me, even if it was in another dimension. FML

By Anonymous - 11/7/2019 02:00

1428

225

Today, the guy who sexually assaulted me when I was a child is over to have coffee with my mother. She says that it's OK, because God wouldn't want her to turn away someone who has no family. FML

By Anonymous - 11/7/2019 00:03

3171

Today, I woke up with a carpet burn. From sleeping. Alone. In my bed. FML

By Anonymous - 10/7/2019 16:00

1406

131

Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML

By FBI1236 - 7/7/2019 20:00 - Pakistan - Karachi

2049

166

By Alan - 3/7/2019 18:00

FML on vacation #1: Getting there

A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. What if you're on...

Today, while using the bathroom in a small coffee shop, I somehow passed out sitting on the toilet. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the vicious banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons attempting to break down a door. FML

By Man Shamed - 29/6/2019 10:00 - United States - Hyattsville

5119

989

Today, I was at a house party and a guy needed a ride somewhere. Our designated driver, being the nice person she is, offered. I was in the back seat with him. His first words were, "Hey guys! I want to clear this awkwardness so… I once saw a 6-year-old girl die during a drive by I was on." FML

By terrifiedanon - 29/6/2019 06:00 - United States - Denver

1472

113

Today, while I was walking along the sidewalk, someone passed by and said, "Tuck that nose in." FML

By anonymous - 15/6/2019 02:25

1581

126

Today, I got pulled over and ticketed while taking cookies to the local police station. FML

By Anonymous - 25/4/2019 16:00

1703

700

Today, my phone stopped charging. I panicked because I can't really afford to get it fixed, and it's too stressful a time at my last semester at university to not have a phone. I took it to the repair shop, and the man turned it off and on again. it works perfectly. I'm a total idiot. FML

By wookieewhosshe - 25/4/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

897

1643

Today, it's been a week and a half since our hot water stopped working. Our landlord said he'll get on to it "in 3 days", after having said this already a few days before. I have to wash myself with a bucket and boiled water. FML

By - 25/4/2019 04:00

1886

147

Today, I asked my Instagram followers out of curiosity who their favourite influencer was. Someone replied, without knowing it doesn’t come up anonymously, “Not you.” FML

By JpL - 25/4/2019 02:00

883

1988

Today, it's raining pretty hard and there are a bunch of puddles everywhere. I’m in a full rain suit and great boots, so instead of walking around the puddles, I decided to walk through the biggest one, only to drop down 4 feet, all because the city didn’t cover up a massive manhole. FML

By jayscalaro - 21/4/2019 20:00

2222

917

Today, my best friend and I decided to dye our hair blue. We didn’t mean to also dye the ceiling, walls, shower, or floor. We DEFINITELY didn’t mean to dye our faces the day before school pictures that cannot be rescheduled. FML

By Leijabug - 21/4/2019 18:00

813

2776

Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. needing a drink. Not only did my cat wake everyone up when I tripped over him, but I also spilled a whole gallon of milk on myself. FML

By of course - 20/4/2019 12:00

1605

457

Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

By oohrahgal - 14/2/2019 16:32 - United States - Clementon

10018

29650

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

By steve-o - 14/2/2019 15:46 - United States

35594

4122

Today, my stomach growled so loud in class that a boy sitting next to me thought his phone had vibrated. FML

By qourt - 14/2/2019 15:34 - United States

24140

2232

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

By Polmkk - 14/2/2019 15:00 - United States

30461

5392

Today, I was walking to the bus stop when I realised that I hadn't got my headphones in and was blasting Eminem whilst walking past a bunch of 5 year olds. He said the 'N' word at the same time. I guess I'm not going to that bus stop any more. FML

By "Luke Payne" - 30/12/2019 14:00

1020

2258

Today, I was kicked out of my aunt's house for being 15 minutes late for her to pick me up. She told me she doesn't want me to come home and left me in a panicked mess. My sister and brother are on her side and refuse to talk to me. I'm now couch surfing. FML

By homelesslyf - 30/12/2019 22:00 - Australia - Clayton

2262

Phew, glad it wasn't me

362

Today, I realized the only real accomplishment I've had in my life that I take any pride in is that I've had an FML published. FML

By - 27/12/2018 18:00 - United States - Floral Park

That could've happened to me

2234

362

Today, while returning from a class, I stopped to use the bathroom. While in said bath room, someone threw a chip bag filled with piss water into the stall I was using. FML

By Zahkrii - 26/12/2018 16:00

2575

Phew, glad it wasn't me

322

Today, I fell asleep in the school bus on the way back home when my loud fart woke me and a few other kids up. I am a teacher. FML

By "AdorableDoxie" - 17/12/2018 22:00

That could've happened to me

2233

318

Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML

By Vomit - 17/12/2018 05:00

2211

178

Today, after having my car back for a few months after a $2,000 repair, I got in, only for it to not start. Don't worry. It's not the battery. It's the engine, which was fine yesterday. FML

By "Kaluhaluha" - 14/12/2018 17:30

2281

140

Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 03:00

2611

346