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By Anonymous - 24/2/2021 05:01 - United States

Everyone's a critic

Today, I finally left a one-star review for my doctor’s office. I mentioned my doctor was epic, but called them out on their poor billing practices. I got a call saying my awesome doctor actually owns the clinic. My next appointment is going to be so awkward. FML
I agree, your life sucks
448
You deserved it
184
6 Comments
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By nima - 23/2/2021 02:01

Death wish

Today, my parents went on vacation and told me that it is "absolutely imperative" that I do the dishes while they are gone. Instead, the sink decided to break and nothing will fix it, so I'm currently writing out my will. FML
I agree, your life sucks
664
You deserved it
84
7 Comments
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By Kerry - 22/2/2021 20:01 - Canada

Bathtime

Today, I was running water for a relaxing bath. There have been some problems with the town's water for a while now, so I was pleased when the water looked so clear. Right as I thought that, however, the water instantly changed from crystal clear to shit brown. FML
I agree, your life sucks
762
You deserved it
54
3 Comments
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By Anonymous - 20/2/2021 00:30 - Germany

You tried!

Today, my mom, not gifted for household chores, proudly announced that she cleaned the toilet. As it turns out, what she'd primarily cleaned was the deodorizer inside the toilet. Then she tried for the stains inside the bowl, unsuccessfully, then she gave up. But yeah, great job. FML
I agree, your life sucks
583
You deserved it
65
4 Comments
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By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 23:01 - Germany - Zittau

I was bored before I even began

Today, my ex started our conversation with, "How are you?" I asked whether this was just a way of greeting me, or if he genuinely wanted to know. He affirmed that he really wanted to know, then proceeded to talk about his work for the next two hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks
667
You deserved it
162
4 Comments
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By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 16:59

Time flies by

Today, long after ten years ago when I answered the door to someone asking if my mummy and daddy were home, and I was 24 and it was my house, I just now got asked if my 30 year-old sister was my daughter. Time has not been kind to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks
784
You deserved it
90
4 Comments
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By Brokenheartz - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Happy Valentine's Day anyway

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's Day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday." He works in a bank and helps "capitalistic consumerism" 364 days a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks
26877
You deserved it
5362
128 Comments
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By AAA - 11/2/2021 11:01

Hole for life

Today, I got a new piercing because I was trying to be spontaneous. Now, I realize its placement is off and I hate it. FML
I agree, your life sucks
305
You deserved it
859
2 Comments
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By Michael - 5/2/2021 21:30 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Give me strength

Today, I wanted to clean my house. Of course the vacuum cleaner got stuck behind furniture multiple times. After the fifth time or so, I gave it a good pull. Now my vacuum cleaner is broken and the socket is off the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks
266
You deserved it
835
8 Comments
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By Youtube drama sucks - 4/2/2021 22:58

YouTube Drama

Today, I went down a four-hour YouTube rabbit hole trying to understand the Onision drama. I finally snapped out if it, thinking, "I don't care about any of this. What am I doing with my life?" FML
I agree, your life sucks
446
You deserved it
382
5 Comments
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By Anonymous - 31/1/2021 03:30

Melted

Today, I found one of my boyfriend's earbuds in the dryer. He's gonna be pissed. FML
I agree, your life sucks
604
You deserved it
127
11 Comments
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By Anonymous - 30/1/2021 20:01

Parting gift

  Today, the girl who lived downstairs and who was also sleeping with my guy moved out. She left a stack of my mail she had been taking at my door. FML
I agree, your life sucks
790
You deserved it
72
3 Comments
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By Eric Rivera - 29/1/2021 23:01 - United States - Philadelphia

I've just got one of those faces

Today, while walking to the corner store, I noticed a car full of teenage girls. As I got closer to the store, one of them who was still getting in, says, "Hurry, here comes a pedo!" I turned to look and see who they were talking about, but there was no one behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks
830
You deserved it
89
2 Comments
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By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 14:01 - Germany

The smell detective is on the case

Today, something smelled absolutely disgusting in the bathroom. Like cow shit and stinky beetles. I started sniffing around, because whatever it was, I had to find it and clean it up. That, however, proved difficult, because it turned out that smell was coming from the new soap my mom had bought. FML
I agree, your life sucks
808
You deserved it
76
2 Comments
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By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 18:03 - Singapore - Singapore

Going swimmingly

Today, I was excited to go to swim after a long time of not doing so because of Covid restrictions. After changing into my trunks and putting my goggles on, I jumped into the pool straight away, while still wearing my mask. FML
I agree, your life sucks
373
You deserved it
545
6 Comments
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By Ryan McArdle - 25/1/2021 10:58

What did I do?

Today, I tried to log into Instagram for the first time in 2 days. They deactivated my account for violating their guidelines. I haven't posted a picture or made a comment in months. FML
I agree, your life sucks
663
You deserved it
88
4 Comments
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By Anonymous - 25/1/2021 08:01 - United Kingdom - Leeds

It's a cult

Today, I found out via Facebook that my once-favourite aunt has fully bought into the QAnon bullshit about the "stolen" US election, bible quotes and all. We live in the UK. FML
I agree, your life sucks
843
You deserved it
142
3 Comments
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By Anonymous - 25/1/2021 05:02

The I in LGBTQA+

Today, like every day, I'm an intersex woman. I can't orgasm, have no vagina, and can't have my own kids. Every new partner I have requires an embarrassing explanation and biology lesson because no one knows what intersex means, even though it's quite common. At least I don't get periods? FML
I agree, your life sucks
908
You deserved it
257
9 Comments
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By Anonymous - 24/1/2021 02:02 - Germany - Emden

Cooperation

Today, I share a bathroom with two other people and we divide tasks equally. They take care of making it dirty; I take care of making it clean. FML
I agree, your life sucks
672
You deserved it
94
2 Comments
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By Marie - 20/1/2021 05:01

Freaky

Today, I have been finding long black hairs all over my bathroom. My hair is short and blonde, and I live alone. FML
I agree, your life sucks
988
You deserved it
57
8 Comments
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By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 04:58

Impressive

Today, a small fly was harassing my face, then it landed on a book next to me. I waved at it to make it leave, but it didn't. I got my fingers closer to it, to scare it off. Instead, it jumped on my finger as a playful parrot pet, spent a moment there, and flew off. I cannot even intimidate a fly. FML
I agree, your life sucks
586
You deserved it
169
2 Comments
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By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 12:01 - Canada - Charlottetown

No, not them!

Today, after there was only one family that hated me enough to beat me up when we were kids, and we still don't get along as adults, my youngest brother is now dating into that family, and one of my older brothers is dating into that family too. It's like some kinda sick curse, or karma. FML
I agree, your life sucks
707
You deserved it
97
2 Comments
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By Anonymous - 13/1/2021 09:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Toxic masculinity

Today, it was one of those rare occasions I wore shorts. The first thing my male cousin said was, "Why so sexy?” Misogyny is why I don’t wear shorts. FML
I agree, your life sucks
684
You deserved it
615
9 Comments
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By Anonymous - 13/1/2021 11:01

The Good Life

Today, I live in a tiny village in the countryside. Nice and quiet, right? Wrong. The farm next door rents out their land to some kind of soil processing company. Basically, it’s like living next to a never-ending construction site that knows neither Sundays nor holidays. FML
I agree, your life sucks
647
You deserved it
54
1 Comments
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By Gollumapparently - 13/1/2021 05:01

My precious

Today, my friend and I took an online quiz to find out what character from Lord of the Rings we look like. She got Arwen. I got Gollum. FML
I agree, your life sucks
619
You deserved it
188
2 Comments
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By Anonymous - 10/1/2021 11:01 - Germany

No data for you

Today, I got my first Android phone. Being aware that they are somewhat inclined to collecting data about you, I was still surprised when I had to tell the eBay app, of all things, that it wasn't allowed to know how much I exercise. FML
I agree, your life sucks
652
You deserved it
143
6 Comments
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By Anonymous - 9/1/2021 07:01 - United States - Fort Worth

UTI

Today, while studying in the library, I felt a sudden urge to pass gas. There were not too many people around, so I let it go while in my seat and it went unnoticed. What caught the attention of everybody was the puddle slowly forming under my seat. Turns out, I farted so hard I pissed myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks
435
You deserved it
872
3 Comments
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By Sad guy - 8/1/2021 20:01 - United States - Baltimore

Brotherly love

Today, I felt so lonely that I was almost jealous of the way Chris Cuomo and Don Lemon playfully express affection for each other on CNN. FML
I agree, your life sucks
583
You deserved it
192
2 Comments
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By Ready to break up - 8/1/2021 05:01 - United States - Hesperia

Smells like victory

Today, my girlfriend and her best friend have been in a contest to see who can go the longest without showering. They’ve just hit day 22. They smell so bad, I can’t stand to be in the same room with them anymore. I'm really about to dump her. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1146
You deserved it
233
5 Comments
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By Anonymous - 8/1/2021 11:01

Odd one out

Today, I went to the mall with two friends. A modelling scout approached us and asked both of my friends if they were interested in modelling. When the scout finally noticed me, she asked if I was their mom. We're all the same age. FML
I agree, your life sucks
919
You deserved it
78
4 Comments
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Next
Nearly  
Today, I went in to get a shot for a migraine to find out I'm 17 weeks pregnant... I am almost 40 and my tubes are tied. FML
I agree, your life sucks
39
You deserved it
3
0 Comments
Today, my girlfriend went mad at me after watching the Captain America Civil War movie. Why? I chose Iron Man's side and she chose Captain America's side....
I agree, your life sucks
7
You deserved it
2
1 Comments
See all the Nearly FMLs
  Spicy
  Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML
I agree, your life sucks
28
You deserved it
4
0 Comments
  Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks
451
You deserved it
56
6 Comments
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