Love: Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My...

By rebekah - United States

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

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Love

Taking stock

Out of it

Higher standards

By Richard

Today, my friends and I were kicked out of a Red Robin after the manager told us that our server accused us of making "sexually suggestive gestures" towards her. The gesture in question was the circle game. FML

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By Stuby14 - United States - Brookings

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

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27168

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By Isa - United States

Today, my boss at my new job asked whether I was fitting in OK. The company is Swedish, so as a joke, I said that at home I now serve all my food as a smorgasbord, chew on fermented herring and Daim chocolate bars, and buy all my furniture at Ikea. She didn't see the funny side. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my drunk neighbor informed me that if I don't keep my skunk out of his yard, he's going to call the cops. I live in town, and it's a wild skunk. FML

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1573

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML

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By Elle(; - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I felt something tickling my neck. Thinking it was him, I ignored it. Just when I was about to climax, I looked down to see a lizard on me. FML

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1867

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By unicornlovet

Today, I was cleaning, anticipating my hypercritical in-laws coming to see our new house. Literally 10 minutes before they arrived, sewage backed up the basement drain. My father-in-law spent the entire visit commenting on the smell, and how he couldn’t use the washroom. FML

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1555

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was telling my friend about how my boyfriend never does anything nice for me. Confused, she replied, "That's odd, he's always doing nice things for me." FML

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41106

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By Blue_belle

Observational Comedy 101

Today, I was wearing a cute black dungaree dress with a purple top underneath. I thought I looked pretty good, until my son told me I looked like an evil Minion. FML

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1289

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By divorced - United States

Today, my wife put divorce papers in my birthday card. FML

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63639

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my 7-year-old cousin has been having raging temper tantrums, added to an inability to tell the truth, and a disturbingly sociopathic nature. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing a psychopath in the making, and I'm stuck living here for 2 months. FML

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1553

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By coius - 29/11/2020 01:03 - United States - Lincoln

Home Improvement

Today, our washing machine broke and dumped around 100 gallons onto the floor. My dad had installed crappy water valves and we couldn’t turn off the water. I called my dad and he accused me of lying. His “repairs” have now caused 5 major disasters in our home due to his shoddy and cheap work. FML

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883

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By Not That Old - United States

Today, I went to El Pollo Loco for the $10.00 special. I ordered from the pimple-faced kid at the register, pulled out two fives, and he said, "That'll be 9.70, I gave you the senior discount." I'm 10 years away from that. Thank you? FML

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By DamnDogs - United States

Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

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By ripped off and blown out

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

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4628

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By hot_shot - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because we watched a movie that Taylor Lautner was in, she claims they made special eye contact and they are destined to be together. FML

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48613

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By AloneForChristmas

Today, I live in dorms and found out everyone is leaving for Christmas break. I also found out my student loan didn't go through, so now I cant afford to go visit my family that lives over 7 hours away. I guess I'll be spending Christmas alone in a dorm room. FML

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2666

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211

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized my self confidence is based on the amount of "likes" I have on my Facebook statuses. FML

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16311

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By Just wanted a cigarette - United States - Lagrangeville

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

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26026

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By Oblivious - Kuwait

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

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155608

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By chubbyreddevil - United States

Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML

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27666

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By bureaucratic assfuckery - United States - Baltimore

Today, I learned that my doctor lost all of my immunization records. I can't start law school without them. FML

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28586

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By Ep1cF4ce - United States

Today, I was sleeping like a baby on our living room couch. My older brother and his friends lit my slippers on fire. While I was wearing them. They even took a video. FML

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35990

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By licensed_ginger - United States - Barberton

Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML

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38366

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By ehbe - France

Today, I heard my next door neighbour screaming as if someone was trying to slice her throat. Her window was open. Intrigued, I went onto my balcony and asked if everything was okay, and if she needed anything. She and her boyfriend shout back in unison: "We're F*ing, go away". FML

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40893

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is because she slept with my fiancé. FML

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51301

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By Rusty Armstrong - 17/8/2020 05:01

Thanks capitalism, I hate it!

Today, the prison program I work for has been shut down for months due to Covid, but my bosses have been having us sitting at our desks, doing nothing, in proximity to the inmates. I guess they'd rather pay us to be exposed than to stay safe. FML

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1136

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By Shut up loser!

Not her fault neither mine

Today, my 4 year old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had an anxiety attack just from thinking about appearing on TV and being watched by a real audience. FML

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37381

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6104

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By unloved cat owner - United States - Carmichael

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

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43585

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By Toothless_Lasagna

Today, my boyfriend and roommate got into a fist fight over a magic trick. They ended up putting a huge hole in the wall that's going to be expensive to fix. We're renting my boss's house. FML

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3349

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419

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By TheJeremyMoe - United States

Today, my bike was stolen. Partially. Since I always locked it up, some asswipe thought it would be funny to steal the handlebar stem and the seat, leaving the actual handlebar dangling by the brake cables. Since there was no way to steer or sit, I had to carry my bike one mile back to my dorm. FML

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By The Bearded Woman - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML

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32829

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By hulio88

Today, after years of hard work, I had an interview at the highest ranking university in the world 800 miles from where I live. It snowed heavily for the last 2 days closing every road, railway, and airport causing me to miss the interview. There is no rescheduling. FML

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35495

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2689

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By Unlucky

Today, while crossing the street, I was honked at by a stopped car. I responded with the following: a finger and a "Fuck you!" It was my boss who just wanted to say hi. FML

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1725

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By Anonymous - United States - Waterford

Today, while looking through pictures of my boyfriend and me on Facebook, I noticed that in practically every single one featuring my best friend, his eyes are directed down her shirt. FML

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30381

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3867

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By oops - Netherlands - Nieuwe-niedorp

Today, after spending almost an hour in the dentist's waiting room, watching other people get called in for their appointments, I finally lost my patience and asked the receptionist what was taking so long. I'd forgotten to sign in. FML

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11482

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By creeped_out_ - United States

Today, I am currently grounded for three weeks, have no car, cell phone, or television privileges, and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day. The reason why: I was seven minutes past my 9'oclock curfew. I'm 18. FML

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85722

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By ewww - United States - Seattle

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

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28854

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By Ribbed for Her Disaster - United Kingdom - Orpington

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

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Top comments

By The_Cait | 0

#80421 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:52

Oh god, that would HURT.

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#80413 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

awuh dude that is freaking messed up, you couldnt tuck it? oh gosh, that mush have been gross and embarrasing.

=] pahah, but got me outta my rut.

COMMENTS

By musiclife_fml | 0

#80408 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:49

FIRST!!!!

sorry had to do it...but FML indeed

emis145 | 2

#1064792 - Monday 5 July 2010 15:37

Pwn3d now I'm #1

lolfylanydi | 0

#1178502 - Monday 2 August 2010 22:51

first

Freeze_fml | 16

#1182923 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 19:28

Neither of you are first, dumbasses.

soul_fml | 0

#1208198 - Sunday 8 August 2010 17:32

ouch

Evafml123 | 0

#1273024 - Friday 20 August 2010 0:38

well know you know he loves you... I guess.

IPityTheFool | 0

#1274735 - Friday 20 August 2010 9:43

Screw all of you i'm first :D , and op...pants him in public?

aasouls | 0

#1711589 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 20:58

aw damn that sucks im sorry (also im number 1!!)

LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3651915 - Monday 28 November 2011 7:36

Sex....what he not getting that night...

chlorinegreen | 27

#4180220 - Sunday 18 March 2012 4:43

If there is a string coming from someone's crotch that doesn't come down all the way to your knees. Don't touch it. Seriously that's just way to close for comfort.

sometimessam | 16

#6006394 - Sunday 13 July 2014 5:53

Why would you pull it in the first place? That's just awkward especially in public.

tuxedoandex | 28

#6182491 - Saturday 24 January 2015 17:07

"why"

maybe read the fml again

By Nicktoon | 0

#80409 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:49

ewww

superangryandy | 2

#3160768 - Monday 22 August 2011 20:30

Honest mistake.

Satoaoi | 13

#5329336 - Friday 18 January 2013 11:58

lol

Wingman527 | 22

#6049957 - Thursday 28 August 2014 0:05

Holy shit that's nasty

By thenameslo | 0

#80412 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

rachel12158 | 0

#2781562 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 22:30

no it is not her fault at all

erin1994 | 9

#2838195 - Thursday 7 July 2011 12:49

you must be a guy, cuz if you were a girl you would know it's notched fault whatsoever

ChubbyNicki | 6

#4506777 - Friday 1 June 2012 4:52

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

jkmartinjk | 16

#4675570 - Wednesday 11 July 2012 9:50

@ 412: Oh you must be one of the girls who turns into a swamp monster and must stay in your room for a week.

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#80413 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

awuh dude that is freaking messed up, you couldnt tuck it? oh gosh, that mush have been gross and embarrasing.

=] pahah, but got me outta my rut.

UsaTrackstar | 0

#804170 - Thursday 28 January 2010 6:57

santanaaa | 0

#2670304 - Monday 13 June 2011 8:16

first of all,if she'd tuck it, it would look like a wedge... and 2, if shed tuck it the water will run through and just pull it out again

claiiire_fml | 17

#5797381 - Thursday 19 December 2013 0:18

323- just shut up. It wouldnt look like a 'wedge' and the water wouldn't pull it out. You're an idiot.

mikuxxhatsune | 31

#6305489 - Saturday 30 May 2015 12:38

She probably forgot about it or was thinking about something when she was changing/got distracted.

By may_cause_fail | 0

#80414 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

You should be more careful about that stuff. ;D

By ThisisLegit | 0

#80416 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

Oh lawd.

By kelseymarie | 0

#80417 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

:-O are you serious??? your bf is not too clever eh?

By bjy151 | 0

#80418 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

rymadness | 0

#1325124 - Tuesday 31 August 2010 4:34

agreed.

awesomenick100 | 0

#1326244 - Tuesday 31 August 2010 6:42

calm ur shit. u didn't need to read this ml

JDiz83 | 0

#2471875 - Saturday 7 May 2011 9:20

grow up

ndvorsky | 4

#2499625 - Friday 13 May 2011 0:15

what visual you haven't seen the person

lilkamarciano | 0

#2788847 - Thursday 30 June 2011 4:09

ok... why did you read it then. if u didn't notice fml website says to EXpRESS YOURSELF not ask someone if they're okay with you writing it first.....

ilulife | 4

#4144685 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:53

You guys can't handle anything, imagine if you were the ones who had to bleed for a week every single month. It ain't pretty

asinforasin | 1

#5109617 - Saturday 3 November 2012 4:02

I agree with 396. You're not the one who has to see that shit for a week every month!

MasonAndrewLeach | 1

#6139910 - Tuesday 9 December 2014 23:16

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

ireallylikecats | 16

#6269745 - Wednesday 22 April 2015 15:46

You are officially the dumbest person alive.

AbbotsfordVandal | 14

#6642578 - Sunday 3 July 2016 23:37

Then get the fuck off FML, no one here wants to hear your bitching about "visuals" you fucking pussy, grow a pair and scroll to the next one

By omg_18 | 0

#80419 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:52

oh. my. god.
couldn't he tell that it was too thick to be a thread?! oh jesus. how unfortunate.

krmc822 | 6

#4771497 - Saturday 4 August 2012 9:42

Some guys are just dumb like that

By spamster | 0

#80420 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:52

Haha that sucks. But I would think your BF would have realized it was too thick to be thread.