Love: Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My...

By rebekah - United States

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

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Love

Sorry…

On the beat

Social media was a mistake

By nackpattywhackgiveadogabone - United States

Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML

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By Danners88 - Australia

Today, I was at a Remembrance Day service when an old widow told me I had my "grandad's" medals on the wrong side of my coat. I told her that I was an Afghanistan veteran and that they were mine. She then berated me in front of the WHOLE service for "lying". FML

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By random1456

Today, my credit card got declined while I was buying anti-depressants. FML

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2101

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 02:01

Unhappy Birthday

Today, none of my family was at home. Turns out my one of my aunts was having a birthday party and all my relatives went, but nobody told me because they don’t like me coming around. FML

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1198

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By - France

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

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28226

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3600

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By KayKay - United States - Ware

Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML

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13295

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By shut_up - United States - Roseburg

Today, after I had watched a few videos of myself, I realized the sound of my own voice is the single most annoying thing I have ever heard. FML

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl

Today, my boyfriend finally answered my Snapchats. He was laying on a bed with purple pillows and sheets. His are gray. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2020 17:02

Alexa, play 'Communication Breakdown' by Led Zeppelin

Today, my man complained that I was "not easily approachable", sexually speaking. To clarify, his usual way of signalling his desire is to just lie there, quiet and not moving, and (probably) thinking exciting thoughts. I can't tell if he likes me touching him, unless he signals a lack of interest by falling asleep, that is. FML

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1513

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By NotASquirrel - United States - Bronx

Today, I was using the urinal at work when an old guy started using the one next to mine. All of a sudden, he used that Ghostbusters' line, "Cross the streams!", and tried to pee into my urinal. I had to wait 4 hours in pee-drenched shoes until my shift was over. FML

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20748

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By Marcela - United States

Today, I was taking a shower with my new boyfriend for the first time. Last night was the first night we spent together. As I was washing my hair, I looked down at my feet and noticed yellow water. Some of the warm water I felt on my feet was not from the shower head. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boss asked for recommendations on how to improve the office. I sent her an e-mail full of my ideas. Later, my boss sent me a reply, saying, "Here's what head office thinks of your ideas." It contained a list of insults upper management made about me. FML

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By tcm123 - United States - Champaign

Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML

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25330

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By nomoreart - United States

Today, I was working on my art portfolio. I had drawn a self-portrait. When I was satisfied, I wanted to show my parents. They thought it was a drawing of a bear. FML

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29329

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By Someone - Canada - Windsor

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

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38952

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By alyssabree42 - United States - Estacada

Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML

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17912

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By hopeless - Canada - Halifax

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

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30636

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2855

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By WhiteLiar - United States

Today, I was telling a new friend of mine about my boyfriend. I told her his name and where he is from. She interrupted me and says "Yeah drives a big white truck, rides dirt bikes?! I dated him two years ago!" This guy and I have dated for four years. FML

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36149

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 17:00

Yikes

Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what makes him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “ I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML

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1319

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By Rydia - 31/10/2020 05:01

Love is in the air

Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML

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871

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165

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By tamponmayhem - Canada

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wentzville

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer because he thought I was skipping school. I'm 24 and we graduated high school together. FML

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39617

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By prince232 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after having a second interview with a club I want to work for, the interviewer ignored my work references. Instead, he told me he was going to call the only manager I never got along with, for reference in a job I left 5 years ago, because he knows her personally. FML

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15891

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By Lies - United States

Today, I saw the girl I had started dating changed her Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". Naturally, I changed mine too. The next time I logged on, she had commented, "Really?! Who?!" She was serious. FML

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By PeePee - United States

Today, at work I had to use the bathroom. I asked my boss to watch my register and quickly walked into the bathroom. I squatted down and peed. A minute later I heard someone ask over our walkie talkie system who was using the bathroom. I had been pressing the intercom button while I peed. FML

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By blondie101 - United States

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

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13889

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By MusicLover18 - Canada - Leduc

Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML

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By nikkiquila_0699 - Canada

Today, I came back from my 3 month vacation from France. During my vacation I lost 32lbs and I was so excited to show off my new body to my boyfriend. When he walked in the door he didn't notice me, but he did notice my younger, thinner and tanner sister strutting around in her bikini. FML

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50259

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By RosaMaravillosa - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after being constipated a few days, I used the restroom at a bar. It took a loooong time before I got out. As I went to exit the bar, only the employees were still there, waiting for me because they had closed 30 minutes ago. FML

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13605

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got called for a job interview. I didn't catch where it was, and in my excitement I forgot to ask. I now have no idea where I'm being interviewed. FML

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13645

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By hawaiiansokkrboi - United States

Today, I was practicing soccer at my school. My team was practicing penalty kicks. It was my turn up and this cute girl that I like was watching off ten feet away from the goal. I was running to take the kick when I slipped and kicked the ball. It hit her head and now she won't talk to me. FML

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48234

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By partygirlxxx - United States

Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML

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59615

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By Anonymous

Today, I needed to get blood drawn. Apparently, my veins are too thin and no blood would flow into the tube. I'm afraid of needles, and was just poked with some unsuccessfully, and I have to go back next week to try again. FML

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1528

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154

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By sniper foxeh

Today, my younger sister and I were camping when, during the middle of the night, she asked me if I could take her to the toilets as she was scared. I told her to go by herself or go behind the tent. Thirty seconds later, she peed on me. FML

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1781

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4315

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By Nucleus - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I complained about being bored to death on Facebook. Someone took it as a suicide threat and called the police. They showed up at my apartment and my workplace. FML

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25161

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3427

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By Why - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to create another signature. I have to use one at the bank and the other around my mother, so that when she tries to cash my paychecks the bank won't let her. FML

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29856

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1836

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By sexychica - United States

Today, I pulled up next to my boyfriend at a stoplight. He was in the back of a police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58266

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6329

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By MSURebel70 - United States

Today, I found out I've been incorrectly sorting thousands of papers for the past two weeks. My boss wanted them sorted by date, but the co-worker who instructed me said to sort them into alphabetical order just to watch me fail. FML

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40827

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By toomuch - Australia

Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML

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Top comments

By The_Cait | 0

#80421 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:52

Oh god, that would HURT.

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#80413 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

awuh dude that is freaking messed up, you couldnt tuck it? oh gosh, that mush have been gross and embarrasing.

=] pahah, but got me outta my rut.

COMMENTS

By musiclife_fml | 0

#80408 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:49

FIRST!!!!

sorry had to do it...but FML indeed

emis145 | 2

#1064792 - Monday 5 July 2010 15:37

Pwn3d now I'm #1

lolfylanydi | 0

#1178502 - Monday 2 August 2010 22:51

first

Freeze_fml | 16

#1182923 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 19:28

Neither of you are first, dumbasses.

soul_fml | 0

#1208198 - Sunday 8 August 2010 17:32

ouch

Evafml123 | 0

#1273024 - Friday 20 August 2010 0:38

well know you know he loves you... I guess.

IPityTheFool | 0

#1274735 - Friday 20 August 2010 9:43

Screw all of you i'm first :D , and op...pants him in public?

aasouls | 0

#1711589 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 20:58

aw damn that sucks im sorry (also im number 1!!)

LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3651915 - Monday 28 November 2011 7:36

Sex....what he not getting that night...

chlorinegreen | 27

#4180220 - Sunday 18 March 2012 4:43

If there is a string coming from someone's crotch that doesn't come down all the way to your knees. Don't touch it. Seriously that's just way to close for comfort.

sometimessam | 16

#6006394 - Sunday 13 July 2014 5:53

Why would you pull it in the first place? That's just awkward especially in public.

tuxedoandex | 28

#6182491 - Saturday 24 January 2015 17:07

"why"

maybe read the fml again

By Nicktoon | 0

#80409 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:49

ewww

superangryandy | 2

#3160768 - Monday 22 August 2011 20:30

Honest mistake.

Satoaoi | 13

#5329336 - Friday 18 January 2013 11:58

lol

Wingman527 | 22

#6049957 - Thursday 28 August 2014 0:05

Holy shit that's nasty

By thenameslo | 0

#80412 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

rachel12158 | 0

#2781562 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 22:30

no it is not her fault at all

erin1994 | 9

#2838195 - Thursday 7 July 2011 12:49

you must be a guy, cuz if you were a girl you would know it's notched fault whatsoever

ChubbyNicki | 6

#4506777 - Friday 1 June 2012 4:52

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

jkmartinjk | 16

#4675570 - Wednesday 11 July 2012 9:50

@ 412: Oh you must be one of the girls who turns into a swamp monster and must stay in your room for a week.

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#80413 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

awuh dude that is freaking messed up, you couldnt tuck it? oh gosh, that mush have been gross and embarrasing.

=] pahah, but got me outta my rut.

UsaTrackstar | 0

#804170 - Thursday 28 January 2010 6:57

santanaaa | 0

#2670304 - Monday 13 June 2011 8:16

first of all,if she'd tuck it, it would look like a wedge... and 2, if shed tuck it the water will run through and just pull it out again

claiiire_fml | 17

#5797381 - Thursday 19 December 2013 0:18

323- just shut up. It wouldnt look like a 'wedge' and the water wouldn't pull it out. You're an idiot.

mikuxxhatsune | 31

#6305489 - Saturday 30 May 2015 12:38

She probably forgot about it or was thinking about something when she was changing/got distracted.

By may_cause_fail | 0

#80414 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

You should be more careful about that stuff. ;D

By ThisisLegit | 0

#80416 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

Oh lawd.

By kelseymarie | 0

#80417 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

:-O are you serious??? your bf is not too clever eh?

By bjy151 | 0

#80418 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

rymadness | 0

#1325124 - Tuesday 31 August 2010 4:34

agreed.

awesomenick100 | 0

#1326244 - Tuesday 31 August 2010 6:42

calm ur shit. u didn't need to read this ml

JDiz83 | 0

#2471875 - Saturday 7 May 2011 9:20

grow up

ndvorsky | 4

#2499625 - Friday 13 May 2011 0:15

what visual you haven't seen the person

lilkamarciano | 0

#2788847 - Thursday 30 June 2011 4:09

ok... why did you read it then. if u didn't notice fml website says to EXpRESS YOURSELF not ask someone if they're okay with you writing it first.....

ilulife | 4

#4144685 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:53

You guys can't handle anything, imagine if you were the ones who had to bleed for a week every single month. It ain't pretty

asinforasin | 1

#5109617 - Saturday 3 November 2012 4:02

I agree with 396. You're not the one who has to see that shit for a week every month!

MasonAndrewLeach | 1

#6139910 - Tuesday 9 December 2014 23:16

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

ireallylikecats | 16

#6269745 - Wednesday 22 April 2015 15:46

You are officially the dumbest person alive.

AbbotsfordVandal | 14

#6642578 - Sunday 3 July 2016 23:37

Then get the fuck off FML, no one here wants to hear your bitching about "visuals" you fucking pussy, grow a pair and scroll to the next one

By omg_18 | 0

#80419 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:52

oh. my. god.
couldn't he tell that it was too thick to be a thread?! oh jesus. how unfortunate.

krmc822 | 6

#4771497 - Saturday 4 August 2012 9:42

Some guys are just dumb like that

By spamster | 0

#80420 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:52

Haha that sucks. But I would think your BF would have realized it was too thick to be thread.