Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My...

By rebekah - 3/4/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

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Love

True hero

My body, my choice

Trip Advisor says no

By bxjxj - 22/12/2014 18:40 - United States

Today, I asked my grandpa why he spoils me so much. He told me it's because he truly believes no one else will ever want to. FML

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By number2 - 14/6/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my friends and I were walking past a bar. There were a few cute guys "rating" every girl that walked by with number cards. My friend, who is a guy, got an 8. I got a 2. FML

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By Oops - 10/6/2013 11:22 - United States

Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML

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By light_talker - 14/1/2010 19:04 - United States

Today, I got my cell phone bill. I pay for 700 minutes per month. I used 9 last month. FML

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By sick - 21/9/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I decided I would call in sick to work after working 60 hours the week before just so I could have a day off... My body responded this morning with vomiting and diarrhea so I had to call in sick and didn't get to have much fun... Karma 1 Me 0. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man looked me straight in the eye and said: "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

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By Anon - 29/9/2015 03:18 - Canada - Calgary

Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML

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By PrettySureItsReal - 9/4/2015 19:38 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML

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By bruised_scrotum - 15/5/2014 17:08 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

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By ShitHappens2016 - 16/4/2017 18:00

Today, my mother-in-law texted to wish me a happy birthday. She spelled my name wrong and it's not my birthday. FML

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By blehhx - 9/4/2011 05:32 - United States

Today, I found out my cat is allergic to ME. No kidding. FML

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By Ren - 27/1/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2013 20:27 - United States - Wales

Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML

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By whatthewhat - 18/11/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML

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By Mmorgan771 - 4/8/2015 17:02 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, at work, a customer told me how unprofessional my piercing made me look, and insisted that someone else wait on his table. It's not a piercing, it's a mole. FML

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By reedcarter - 4/12/2012 02:14

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

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By annonymous - 7/9/2015 20:56 - United States

Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2015 23:54 - Belgium - Gent

Today, I was verbally and physically attacked in a public pool, because I was swimming in what a grandma claimed was her part of the pool. Since I'm a very tolerant person, I calmly tried to talk some reason into the elderly lady. The lifeguard had to come to protect me. FML

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By jmove - 7/8/2019 06:00 - United States

One Word: Diabeetus

Today, I carhopped some food, enough to feed 6 people, out to this beat-up car. Inside were two huge ladies, who probably hadn't showered for a few days, sweating away from the hot weather. As I skated to the door, she said, "Hang on a moment," as she gave herself an insulin shot. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2016 17:11 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my girlfriend told me she loved me for the first time. Unfortunately, it was her way of saying that she didn't want to lose me after cheating on me yesterday. FML

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By anon - 28/7/2015 05:02 - United States - Northbrook

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2009 12:52 - United Kingdom

Still got game

Today, I listened to my voice mail messages for the first time in months. One was from my Grandma that must have been meant for Gramps. I think I know now why my mother has so many siblings. FML

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By trainE - 30/3/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2020 20:00

Good bye!

Today I was walking around the mall and I saw my crush from high school. He came up to me and instead of talking to him I burped, and he just walked away. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2020 23:00

No good deed goes unpunished

Today, I went in for my first day of work. I told them three months in advance that I was going away for 2 weeks to build a school in a third world country. I was fired. FML

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By valerie - 28/5/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 00:33 - United States - North Little Rock

Today, I got dumped because a guy sat next to me at a party and I didn't get up to change seats. Apparently, it means I subconsciously like the guy who sat down. FML

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By not even getting any of her shrimp - 11/2/2014 21:50 - United States - Draper

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

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By JONNO - 27/4/2019 14:00

Today, I got fired from my position as a financial investor for giving a client the exact investment he asked for, even though the investment was out of my mandate, and I had gone to my direct manager to authorize the investment. My manager was promoted. FML

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By BiteMe14 - 7/1/2011 19:10 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me "get over it", he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML

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By anonymous - 6/11/2010 21:08 - Canada

Today, I found out that a street performer makes more money than I do. I have a full time job at the bank. FML

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By ouch - 15/6/2013 04:48 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

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By tayluh26 - 15/2/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, I found out that my fiancé's parents are refusing to pay for a honeymoon because "they didn't have one so neither will we", so they won't pay for a single thing for our wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2016 19:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, my mom tried to convince me to throw out my insulin shots because she read a chain email that claimed they "cause cancer". FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2017 15:00

Today, my husband accused me of cheating on him and demanded to look through my phone. When he found nothing, he admitted to having his first gay experience this weekend and just wanting something to “even the field” before telling me. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2013 15:56 - United States

Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML

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By college student - 23/4/2017 10:00 - United States - College Park

Today, at 12, I went for a run across campus.‬ Why? I'd realized my 12:30 exam was actually at 12.‬ ‪FML

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By Yue - 23/11/2009 21:14 - Canada

Today, I went over to my best friend's house only to have his little brother run up to us and confess his love to me. His little brother is twelve and I've tutored him for a year. I'm seventeen and male. Now my best friend thinks I 'taught' him something weird. He won't talk to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2014 20:43 - United States - Tempe

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

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Top comments

By The_Cait | 0

#80421 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:52

Oh god, that would HURT.

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#80413 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

awuh dude that is freaking messed up, you couldnt tuck it? oh gosh, that mush have been gross and embarrasing.

=] pahah, but got me outta my rut.

COMMENTS

By musiclife_fml | 0

#80408 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:49

FIRST!!!!

sorry had to do it...but FML indeed

emis145 | 2

#1064792 - Monday 5 July 2010 15:37

Pwn3d now I'm #1

lolfylanydi | 0

#1178502 - Monday 2 August 2010 22:51

first

Freeze_fml | 16

#1182923 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 19:28

Neither of you are first, dumbasses.

soul_fml | 0

#1208198 - Sunday 8 August 2010 17:32

ouch

Evafml123 | 0

#1273024 - Friday 20 August 2010 0:38

well know you know he loves you... I guess.

IPityTheFool | 0

#1274735 - Friday 20 August 2010 9:43

Screw all of you i'm first :D , and op...pants him in public?

aasouls | 0

#1711589 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 20:58

aw damn that sucks im sorry (also im number 1!!)

LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3651915 - Monday 28 November 2011 7:36

Sex....what he not getting that night...

chlorinegreen | 27

#4180220 - Sunday 18 March 2012 4:43

If there is a string coming from someone's crotch that doesn't come down all the way to your knees. Don't touch it. Seriously that's just way to close for comfort.

sometimessam | 16

#6006394 - Sunday 13 July 2014 5:53

Why would you pull it in the first place? That's just awkward especially in public.

tuxedoandex | 28

#6182491 - Saturday 24 January 2015 17:07

"why"

maybe read the fml again

By Nicktoon | 0

#80409 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:49

ewww

superangryandy | 2

#3160768 - Monday 22 August 2011 20:30

Honest mistake.

Satoaoi | 13

#5329336 - Friday 18 January 2013 11:58

lol

Wingman527 | 22

#6049957 - Thursday 28 August 2014 0:05

Holy shit that's nasty

By thenameslo | 0

#80412 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

rachel12158 | 0

#2781562 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 22:30

no it is not her fault at all

erin1994 | 9

#2838195 - Thursday 7 July 2011 12:49

you must be a guy, cuz if you were a girl you would know it's notched fault whatsoever

ChubbyNicki | 6

#4506777 - Friday 1 June 2012 4:52

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

jkmartinjk | 16

#4675570 - Wednesday 11 July 2012 9:50

@ 412: Oh you must be one of the girls who turns into a swamp monster and must stay in your room for a week.

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#80413 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

awuh dude that is freaking messed up, you couldnt tuck it? oh gosh, that mush have been gross and embarrasing.

=] pahah, but got me outta my rut.

UsaTrackstar | 0

#804170 - Thursday 28 January 2010 6:57

santanaaa | 0

#2670304 - Monday 13 June 2011 8:16

first of all,if she'd tuck it, it would look like a wedge... and 2, if shed tuck it the water will run through and just pull it out again

claiiire_fml | 17

#5797381 - Thursday 19 December 2013 0:18

323- just shut up. It wouldnt look like a 'wedge' and the water wouldn't pull it out. You're an idiot.

mikuxxhatsune | 31

#6305489 - Saturday 30 May 2015 12:38

She probably forgot about it or was thinking about something when she was changing/got distracted.

By may_cause_fail | 0

#80414 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

You should be more careful about that stuff. ;D

By ThisisLegit | 0

#80416 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

Oh lawd.

By kelseymarie | 0

#80417 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

:-O are you serious??? your bf is not too clever eh?

By bjy151 | 0

#80418 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:50

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

rymadness | 0

#1325124 - Tuesday 31 August 2010 4:34

agreed.

awesomenick100 | 0

#1326244 - Tuesday 31 August 2010 6:42

calm ur shit. u didn't need to read this ml

JDiz83 | 0

#2471875 - Saturday 7 May 2011 9:20

grow up

ndvorsky | 4

#2499625 - Friday 13 May 2011 0:15

what visual you haven't seen the person

lilkamarciano | 0

#2788847 - Thursday 30 June 2011 4:09

ok... why did you read it then. if u didn't notice fml website says to EXpRESS YOURSELF not ask someone if they're okay with you writing it first.....

ilulife | 4

#4144685 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:53

You guys can't handle anything, imagine if you were the ones who had to bleed for a week every single month. It ain't pretty

asinforasin | 1

#5109617 - Saturday 3 November 2012 4:02

I agree with 396. You're not the one who has to see that shit for a week every month!

MasonAndrewLeach | 1

#6139910 - Tuesday 9 December 2014 23:16

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

ireallylikecats | 16

#6269745 - Wednesday 22 April 2015 15:46

You are officially the dumbest person alive.

AbbotsfordVandal | 14

#6642578 - Sunday 3 July 2016 23:37

Then get the fuck off FML, no one here wants to hear your bitching about "visuals" you fucking pussy, grow a pair and scroll to the next one

By omg_18 | 0

#80419 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:52

oh. my. god.
couldn't he tell that it was too thick to be a thread?! oh jesus. how unfortunate.

krmc822 | 6

#4771497 - Saturday 4 August 2012 9:42

Some guys are just dumb like that

By spamster | 0

#80420 - Friday 3 April 2009 23:52

Haha that sucks. But I would think your BF would have realized it was too thick to be thread.