Your everyday life stories

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Today, my co-worker received a $1,000 bonus for a project that I do all the work on. My direct supervisor thought that I was an assistant. I send him an e-mail copy of the project every week, and have done so for the past six months. I was later reprimanded for not congratulating my co-worker. FML

By moderndante - 11/9/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Hey, where's my bonus?!

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Today, I was in the garden of my new house when a neighbour came over and told me to clear off or she would call the owner to tell them they were being burgled. When I told her I was the owner, she said I was clearly unsuitable to be living on this street, and to stop lying before she called the police. FML

By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 00:02 - United Kingdom

Scruffy 'erbert

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Today, I was at a metal concert and I met a really cute girl. We got talking, and started getting close. We were about to kiss during the transitional period between 2 bands, but I was then pulled away by her father, who owned the venue. I was thrown out. Before the main act. FML

By Anonymous - 11/9/2019 20:00 - United States

Bounced

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Today, a drunk driver totalled my new Audi. Who was the drunk driver? My dad. FML

By Chris21 - 11/9/2019 22:04 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Fast Cars

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Find out what embarrassing stuff the dumbass stars and planets have in store for you this week!

BLOG

FML's Weekly Horoscope - 15th of September 2019

By Mystic Alan / Sunday 15 September 2019 18:00

BLOG

FML's Fine Examples of A-Hole Design!

By Alan / Wednesday 11 September 2019 18:00

The world around us is failing, but thankfully people are making it worse by designing everyday annoyances to make the rest of us miserable.

By MIA - 15/9/2019 06:03

Today, on Maury…

Today, my husband of four years finally told me he has an eight-year-old son. FML

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Today, I found out I didn't get the promotion I applied for. Then I was told I was the only one who applied for the job. FML

By Anonymous - 13/9/2019 04:01 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Corporate hell

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Today, I got an e-mail at work about payroll cuts. After our annual cost of living raise two weeks ago, I make $0.30 more per hour, but with my hours getting cut, I'll make $80 less per paycheck. That's two weeks of groceries. I can't afford my vacation next week now either. FML.

By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 08:28

Snakes and Ladders

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Hey my FML got published! First off, I'm a guy, so... that's weird. (They fixed it. Thank you!) Second, to those of you who took precious time out of your day to give me the brilliant idea to get another job... obviously. I've been applying like crazy for weeks already and hoping something will land. About the suggestion that I work overtime... what? No? Payroll cuts mean I can't even work my usual...

AlexF_1001 Say more :

By Anonymous - 13/9/2019 06:02 - Australia - Perth

Ninja!

Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML

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Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML

By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 04:01 - United States

Try to do a nice thing…

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Today, my endometriosis has reached stage 4 and has spread to many organs, including my colon. My constipation got so bad that my Apple Watch told me it was time to stand up. FML

By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 18:03

Protip

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Today, I invited a bunch of friends over to hang out and watch a movie. It's been two hours since everyone was supposed to turn up, and no one has showed. Thanks, friends. FML

By lonely - 15/9/2019 04:05 - Canada - Granby

Saturday Night Fever-ish

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Today, I'm dating the perfect guy. He's smart, considerate, charming, funny, good looking and we have a ton of interests in common. He also can't get it up. At all. FML

By Anonymous - 12/9/2019 15:00 - Bulgaria - Sofia

Get it on, bang a gong

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Today, I asked the guy I'm dating if he could not drink on our next date, because he ends up drunk-driving every time. His response was, "This isn't working out." FML

By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 20:00

It's only a bit of liquid fun, come on!

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Today, a co-worker came back from his honeymoon. He passed by my office to say hi, and mentioned, "I heard you're getting married next year?" I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. He's taking his things out of the house as I write this. FML

By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 12:00 - Australia - Cairns

Wrong place, right time

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Today, it's my first day off in over two months. My colleagues disagree - they won't stop calling me. I'm not allowed to turn my phone off. FML

By Anonymous - 12/9/2019 06:00 - New Zealand

The Terror

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Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML

By Gloria Lovestar - 13/9/2019 20:00

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

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Today, after 4 days of using anti-itch cream for what pharmacists and nurses have called “an allergic reaction”, I was diagnosed with shingles. FML

By ouch - 15/9/2019 00:01

Scratch that

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Today, I realized I need to lose weight when I split my pants wide open while at my job directing a funeral, bowing to the casket in front of 200 silent devout attendees, during prayers. I picked that day to wear a red thong. FML

By lateralligator - 14/9/2019 02:02

Elvis has left the building

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Today, I found out my husband has been telling everyone he doesn't want a baby. He has been telling me he does. We have been trying for months. I'm now pregnant and confused. FML

By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 02:00

Alexa, play "Confusion" by New Order

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Today, my partner of 5 years and I sat down to talk because I expressed hope for a proposal in near future. He instead believed that we should wait, and talk about a potential future for us in another two years. FML

By Anonymous - 13/9/2019 12:04

This ain't gonna end well

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Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML

By oh, good - 15/9/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Bath

Poor Mickey

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Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML

By Anonymous - 12/9/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Oops, I Did It Again

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Today, my fiance's mother asked him how he can be with someone with chronic pain for the rest of his life. She has chronic health problems too, but doesn't see how this is a hypocritical question. FML

By littlelia - 15/9/2019 14:00

Mirror, mirror…

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Today, my boyfriend dumped me for a guy. I was the only one who knew he was bisexual. Now everyone thinks I "turned him gay." FML

By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 00:01

Big Little Lies

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Today, I bought flowers with my groceries at the grocery store. After the cashier scanned them, he handed them back to me so they wouldn't get crushed in my cart. It was then that I realized he's the first man to ever hand me flowers. FML

By ThisIsMyLife - 15/9/2019 12:00

Flowers (Nothing But)

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Today, a girl that I've been falling for told me that she's married. But not to worry, that "won't get in the way of 'us'." FML

By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 10:00 - United States

Sounds healthy

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Today, my art teacher fawned over my friend's photographs of random children and people making out, while she called my picture of an old man looking thoughtful on a pier "creepy" and "voyeuristic." FML

By badizzle - 15/9/2019 22:00

Helmut Newton strikes back

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Today, my grandma and I went to visit one of her friends. The elderly gentleman told me I'd grown into a very beautiful young woman, to which my grandma replied, "Have you started in on the sherry early this evening, Henry?" FML

By Tams - 12/9/2019 12:00 - Canada

Cheers, Henry

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Today, I drove an hour to work, did nothing for 8 hours, drove an hour back, and then studied for 4 hours. This has been happening for weeks. FML

By Anonymous - 13/9/2019 16:01

"At least you've got a job" - Mr. Missingthepoint

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