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Offended

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, a customer came in who only spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish rather well so I helped the customer. She ended up buying $2300 worth of stuff. I got written up because not speaking English apparently "has the potential be offensive to other customers if they are not able to understand you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 582

You deserved it 3 565

Messed up

By Suprise - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 358

You deserved it 9 037

The irony stings

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was driving home, it was 80 degrees out. Making a rare attempt to be eco-friendly, I turned off the A/C and lowered the windows. A bee then flew in through the window, hit my cheek, and stung me. That's what I get for attempting to be eco-friendly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 171

You deserved it 11 394

Thanks Karen

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Gloucester

Today, I was taking a customer's order when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted, "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 008

You deserved it 4 439

My words exactly

By effiestonem154 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the Chinese student I've been teaching English to got on stage in front of hundreds of people to read her final essay. She ended with, "What a fucking day." I don't swear, and I no longer have a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 599

You deserved it 2 900

Boys will be boys

By johncabbot25 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I had my first kiss with the woman I've been in love with for two years. Right as I kissed her, some guys drove by in a car and threw some soggy spaghetti at me, yelling, "Noob!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 226

You deserved it 3 527

This doesn't feel nice

By lorrilanee - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 425

You deserved it 5 146

Fell for it

By Polmkk - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 936

You deserved it 5 508

Great timing

By panickygrl - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 997

You deserved it 4 077

Ruined

By fuck gangnam style in the anus - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Today, I purchased a brand new television. Not long after the professional who hung it on my wall left, it came crashing down on my hardwood floor. I'm now left with a busted TV, a tear in my living room wall, and a severely drained bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 155

You deserved it 2 877

Thanks, that's great

By Greattitan2 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Beaufort

Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 873

You deserved it 1 954

Nice try, kiddo

By AvengedSevenX - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 179

You deserved it 25 918

Impressive

By authorsubmit - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 957

You deserved it 48 134

Party time!

By trbaby - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was at a house-warming party and my friend was in her kitchen making drinks. When I was almost done with my drink, I went to take the last gulp and saw three mouse turds stuck to the inside bottom of the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 102

You deserved it 591

Snooping much?

By Anonymous - 21/09/2026 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for changing my phone's password, like I thought she would try to access my phone without telling me. When I pointed out she could only know I changed it by trying to unlock it behind my back, she took the sandwich I'd just made and fed it to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 92

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 22/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my husband and I were are fighting for custody of MY two dogs. Then I found out in court that a year into our marriage, he ran one of them over with his car and then had to get a new matching one, and didn’t tell me. He said, “I paid for it so I should keep it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 102

Sorry…

By Anonymous - 22/09/2026 03:00 - United States

Today I gently tried to break the news to my now ex-fiance's daughter that her Daddy and I weren't going to get married after all (he cheated), but that I still loved her with all my heart. She responded by punching me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 70

The war on Christmas

By Juan - 23/09/2026 00:00 - Mexico

Today, my older sister forced me to tell my nephews, 8 and 6, that Santa Claus does not exist, because she was recently fired from her job and is too much of a coward to tell them she will no longer give them any Christmas gifts for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 96

No means no thanks

By Anonymous - 25/09/2026 12:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out that my partner of 18 years has officially decided that our physical relationship is over. We hadn’t been intimate since my youngest was conceived 5 years ago. I had always held out hope that it would come again, but now I have been told it’s over and I’m at a loss at what to do. I still love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 74

I think I should leave

By Anonymous - 21/09/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was catfished by a guy. His photo showed a guy who was reasonably in shape with a full head of hair. When I met him in person, he had a receding hairline and a belly so big he couldn’t fit in the booth. We had to ask to move to a normal table and chairs, which was another 25 minute wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 74

No friends, no problems

By Anonymous - 20/09/2026 15:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I tried to overcome my crippling social anxiety and isolation by joining a club at the campus I attend remotely. Two girls at my table whispered and giggled the entire time, and one of them kept popping her lips like Donkey in the carriage scene in Shrek every few seconds. I left early with a migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 86

Hidden talent

By Wtf dude - 21/09/2026 20:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was working overnight with a handful of coworkers, one who has a reputation for being very quiet. He and I were alone when he suddenly burst into a beautiful folk song. When I told the others what happened, he pretended he didn't know what I was talking about, and now they think I'm nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 120

Where are you?

By Anonymous - 21/09/2026 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after months of working on our relationship, my ex asked to borrow my car. After many hours and phone calls to see where he was, he still wasn't back. I decided to check my car's GPS and found him at my friend's house. He tried to deny that it was her house, when I've been there multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 86

Temper tantrum

By ViciousCycle - 23/09/2026 09:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my husband has a terrible temper and starts screaming for everything. Consequently, I've learnt to deflect and shift blame to save myself. He says he flies off the handle because I shift blame, while I do it to avoid being verbally abused. Made for each other much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 133

Nobody Loves You (When You're Down and Out)

By Anonymous - 23/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I’m a good man, ready to settle down and build with a good woman, but no one wants to take a chance and build something with me because I'm temporarily living in a homeless shelter. That doesn’t make me unworthy or undeserving of love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 258

Vroom vroom

By Back Breaking News - 21/09/2026 15:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, I was ridiculed, mocked, and laughed at in the motorcycle garage a buddy recommended. I trusted the owner's discreetness, until he actually shouted for everyone to hear what I was asking for: "WHAT!? YOU WANT YOUR BIG BIKE QUIETER!?" Time to trade it in for a new car, or back to public transport I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 134

What?

By Nicole - 23/09/2026 15:00 - Canada - Fort Nelson

Today, I went through the local coffee shop drive-thru and got a canned energy drink. I didn't notice the extra topping until I was miles down the road. Someone had thoughtfully topped the can with whipped cream and curly hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 88

You can do it

By FuckedMentalHealth - 24/09/2026 09:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I'm incredibly supportive and positively motivating my sister-in-law, bringing her out of post-partum depression. Why? Because her husband (my brother-in-law) forced me into depression to the point of multiple life ending attempts when I was in a similar situation. I'm good to all, except myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 66

Dress for the job you want…

By Jeremy - 24/09/2026 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, I bought a new shirt for a job interview and put it on just before leaving. On the train, I noticed the shop's security tag was still attached. I had to spend the entire interview trying to keep my jacket closed, wondering how I'd missed the chunk on plastic stapled to my shirt when I put it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 118

What a time to be alive

By selfarrangedmarriage - 20/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, by far the most accessible way to make ANY romantic connections outside of a bar is to evaluate 400 complete strangers based on their personal resumes, then schedule to meet them under romantic expectations, AKA a dating app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 103

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I was trying to put my kids to bed but my husband kept riling them up with yelling, wrestling, etc. By the time we actually got them to bed I was exhausted. His ass had the nerve to throw a fit because I was too tired for sex. Why does he think I was trying to get them to sleep?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 113

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 2 003

Random

Today, I got to work and saw a new desk had been setup on stilts. "Oh, who got the standing desk?" I asked. Turns out it's for the guy in the wheelchair who was right behind me. It needs to be high so the controls of his wheelchair can fit under the desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 662

You deserved it 3 863

Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 675

You deserved it 3 500

Today, my Dad called me to tell me that he had finally won the lottery and that I no longer had to worry about trying to find a way to pay for school. I was so excited I started crying. He then told me that he won $5 on a scratch off lotto ticket. He bought a sandwich. Funny dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 485

You deserved it 9 171

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 442

You deserved it 61 528

Today, I found out that the odor-absorbing gel I found a few days ago, of which I'd thoroughly read the instructions for and thought was a deodorant, was actually a bathroom cleaner. I've been using it for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 452

You deserved it 2 097

Today, I woke up to the realization that I had slept through my alarm, missed a crucial work meeting, and dreamt that I was the CEO of a company that manufactured alarm clocks. I now fear that my subconscious is mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 158