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By kikuhime - 17/1/2021 02:01

Oh, hello

  Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1384
You deserved it
74
11 Comments
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By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 17:01 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

You old fool

Today, after repeatedly telling my partner's family that our daughter is allergic to peanuts, his grandfather decided to feed her one, to "see if she really is allergic." FML
I agree, your life sucks
1046
You deserved it
50
5 Comments
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By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 11:01

If it quacks like a duck, it's a quack

Today, we got the news that my dad will be dying of Covid. My mom, former nurse, still insist it's a hoax and that the holistic route will cure him. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1025
You deserved it
61
4 Comments
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By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 23:01

Supportive

  Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent me 5 pictures of his wife in a small bikini, saying, “Guess who doesn’t have your problems?” FML
I agree, your life sucks
928
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218
4 Comments
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By malicemassacre - 17/1/2021 23:01

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

Today, I found out that the rivalry between my boyfriend and my only friend I have in this city was just a cover up. I'm now a single mom of a 2 year-old and a 5 month-old. FML
I agree, your life sucks
917
You deserved it
125
5 Comments
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By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 11:01

Technology hates humans

  Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks
896
You deserved it
191
8 Comments
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By SilverRaven77 - 19/1/2021 23:01

Backwards world

Today, I was fired from my job for wearing a mask. The manager said I must have Covid, since I was the only one wearing a mask and following state mandated orders. I told him, "I'll see you in court!" FML
I agree, your life sucks
893
You deserved it
107
5 Comments
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By Kayla - 16/1/2021 11:02 - United States - Wenatchee

Never name-drop

Today, I had a job interview. I have another job I want to leave, but haven't said anything yet. At the interview, I mentioned where I worked, and the interviewer name-dropped my manager. She then told me he was her step brother. So much for not wanting my manager to know. FML
I agree, your life sucks
892
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123
4 Comments
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By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 14:01

Lazy git

Today, my fiancé was offered a job by my boss working as a dishwasher. This is awesome, especially since he just got fired from his last job. When I brought it up, his reply was, "I don't want to work as a dishwasher." I guess beggars can be choosers. FML
I agree, your life sucks
808
You deserved it
154
6 Comments
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By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 01:59 - Jamaica - Kingston

Thanks for being so compassionate

Today, and for the past year, I've been struggling with depression because of family life. I've been talking to my mom for the past weeks, telling her things that happen when she isn't home as a way to build trust. I finally told her I have depression and have had had it for a long time. She laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks
793
You deserved it
56
2 Comments
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By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 23:01

Unloveable

Today, I was paired up with a girl in my class for a project. She started crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks
777
You deserved it
65
3 Comments
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By JinsNeck.exe - 19/1/2021 19:02 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Toodles

Today, after knowing my friendship group for 9 years, who were like my family, I found out that they actually hate me and have been trying to get me to go away for 5 years. When I left, they laughed at me, argued with me and their exact last words were, "K bye" and then kicked me out. FML
I agree, your life sucks
773
You deserved it
109
3 Comments
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By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 11:01

Innocence

Today, my mom mentioned that she doesn’t think she’s gonna let my baby sister believe in Santa. When I mentioned that I believed in Santa growing up, she casually replied with, "Yeah, well you were slow." FML
I agree, your life sucks
762
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92
3 Comments
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By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 07:59

Bottom of the list

Today, after my boyfriend used to tell me that, with his demanding job, he just didn’t have the time or energy for a meaningful conversation with me. Thanks to COVID, he works 90% less now, finding time for online college, cooking and new furniture, yet didn’t invest even one extra minute into our couple. FML
I agree, your life sucks
758
You deserved it
174
6 Comments
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By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 13:58

Housemates from hell

Today, my housemate saw some stuff in the barn, thought I surely wouldn’t be using it, so he stacked lots of lawn furniture on top. The “stuff” in question? Bales of hay. As in, daily food for my horses. FML
I agree, your life sucks
757
You deserved it
56
2 Comments
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By Sacha - 19/1/2021 08:01 - Canada

When nature calls

Today, while I was working in a grocery store, a costumer decide to take a dump on the ground after I told him he couldn’t access to restrooms because my boss closed them due to COVID restrictions. FML
I agree, your life sucks
742
You deserved it
129
7 Comments
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By Ella - 15/1/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom

Thanks Boris!

Today, after Boris made his Monday night lockdown announcement, my husband announced that no way can he handle another lockdown stuck in the house with me and two teenagers, so he drove all night to our static caravan and insists he’s staying there alone until lockdown is over. FML
I agree, your life sucks
738
You deserved it
148
7 Comments
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By Marie - 20/1/2021 05:01

Freaky

Today, I have been finding long black hairs all over my bathroom. My hair is short and blonde, and I live alone. FML
I agree, your life sucks
737
You deserved it
47
7 Comments
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By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 08:01

Unfortunate

Today, I was eatings a bag of chips when one of the pieces broke off into a sharp point and when I chewed it, it stabbed into my gums. When I got up to wash the blood out of my mouth, I hit my big toe on my desk corner. FML
I agree, your life sucks
722
You deserved it
100
2 Comments
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By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 11:01 - Germany

Sing me to sleep

Today, there are two parts to my life: The 12 hours I spend in bed each night trying to fall asleep, with limited success, and the 12 hours I'm up and trying *not* to fall asleep, also with limited success. FML
I agree, your life sucks
703
You deserved it
77
4 Comments
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By Ouch - 18/1/2021 08:02

Fragile

Today, I'm 3 days post-partum and my husband accidentally jabbed into my side while flopping onto the couch. FML
I agree, your life sucks
698
You deserved it
77
0 Comments
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By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 02:01

On a scale of 1 to Annoying…

Today, I was telling my friend how much I love my 20-year-old kitchen scale, because it has this one handy function that even new ones don’t have. Later, my mom melted it on the stove and isn’t even convinced she should buy me a new one. FML
I agree, your life sucks
697
You deserved it
54
3 Comments
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By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 02:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Organisation rules

Today, my college is so intent on teaching us teamwork that we hardly ever get to do any assignment by ourselves. Even if we could do it better alone. Even if we spend half our time trying to find a slot where all the team members are free to meet. And of course it’s a different team for each task. FML
I agree, your life sucks
683
You deserved it
57
5 Comments
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By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 04:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Hello?

Today, my friend's phone rang in class and my teacher thought it was me, so now I have detention for a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks
679
You deserved it
67
4 Comments
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By Anonymous - 20/1/2021 08:01

Self-own

Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
I agree, your life sucks
652
You deserved it
83
2 Comments
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By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 12:01 - Canada - Charlottetown

No, not them!

Today, after there was only one family that hated me enough to beat me up when we were kids, and we still don't get along as adults, my youngest brother is now dating into that family, and one of my older brothers is dating into that family too. It's like some kinda sick curse, or karma. FML
I agree, your life sucks
649
You deserved it
90
2 Comments
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By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 21:27 - India - Bangalore

Jack of all trades…

Today, I'm a generalist with moderate knowledge of multiple domains, but since I'm not a specialist in any, I'm not getting a job. FML
I agree, your life sucks
636
You deserved it
180
5 Comments
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By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 14:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Cabin fever

Today, the only thing more unbearable than lockdown is lockdown with sloppy roommates, who do nothing but complain about each other behind their backs to me, and also bring up past events like a broken record. FML
I agree, your life sucks
635
You deserved it
67
4 Comments
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By BackIGo - 15/1/2021 02:01 - Australia

Back to the drawing board

Today, I finished birthday shopping for my husband, my son, and a close friend, who all have birthdays within a week. I was proud of myself for being organized, until I remembered: my husband has a twin sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks
630
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134
2 Comments
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By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 10:59 - United States - Farmingdale

What a tit

Today, I stabbed myself in the nipple with scissors trying to cut an opening in the supposedly hands-free pumping bra I just bought. I breastfeed my 5-day-old. FML
I agree, your life sucks
627
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262
2 Comments
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Next
Nearly  
Today my therapist tells me to keep a list of things I am thankful for. The only thing I can come up with, that I am genuinely thankful for, is the fact...
I agree, your life sucks
31
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5
1 Comments
Today, I arranged for the President to give a speech in Alamo, Texas. His advance crew instead notified The Alamo in San Antonio, Texas to set up the event....
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56
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29
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  Today, I tried pouring water on myself like in Coyote Ugly to the song "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I ended up waterboarding myself and I didn’t stop until...
I agree, your life sucks
28
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128
2 Comments
  Today, since I've been falling for the girl I've been sleeping with for the past couple of months, I decided it was time for us to talk about making things...
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6 Comments
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