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Today I was fired from my babysitting job because the baby’s first word was my name. Well I’m sorry, but if you ask me to look after your child 14 hours a day 6 days a week and by the time you pick them up they’re already asleep of course they’re going to know my name better than yours FML

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By Anonymous / Sunday 13 January 2019 00:00 /

Today, I worked hard baking two cakes to take into work to spread some Christmas cheer. When I brought them in, some customer's brat kid demanded a slice. We couldn't give her any because of health codes, so her mom went apeshit and poured soda all over them. FML

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By - / Monday 14 January 2019 02:00 /

I saw my dad. On Omegle. While he was masturbating. He didn’t stop when he saw it was me.

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By years of therapy. / Sunday 13 January 2019 14:00 /

Today, I was diagnosed with genital herpes. When I told my boyfriend, he dumped me by blocking my number and all social media. Not only did I get my heart broken, the dick gave me an incurable STI first. FML

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By Kay - / Saturday 12 January 2019 17:00 / United Kingdom - London

Today, my kids excitedly woke me up at 2 AM saying they saw Santa Claus. I’m the only adult in the house, and I got up to find a man dressed as Santa Claus trying to steal our TV. FML

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By miro - / Wednesday 16 January 2019 04:00 /

BLOG

The game is back!

By Cali / Thursday 8 November 2018 11:39

Read on for info and updates...

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FML Halloween Game Malfunction

By Cali / Monday 5 November 2018 17:18

We're working on it!

Today I went out to celebrate having beaten my nearly crippling addiction to porn. I treated myself to a nice dinner a new outfit and a new game. When I came home my roommate was using my projector to watch hardcore porn on the entire living room wall. Goodbye 180 days of no viewing. Fml

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By bad roomie / Sunday 13 January 2019 18:00 /

Today I am not traveling home during the holidays. Why? Because my ex boyfriend still lives with my parents. Yep, the guy I dumped 3 months ago took over my room back home. Guess I don’t have to wonder which “kid” is the favorite. FML.

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By forever alone - / Sunday 13 January 2019 12:00 /

Today is Christmas Day. I’ve spent the day alone, watching over my sleeping daughter who is unable to participate because her abuser manipulated her to the point that she is unable to eat in public or be in noisy crowds.

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By Anonymous / Tuesday 15 January 2019 12:00 /

Today, I realized how much I hate my life and resent my husband. He lies to me about everything, would rather masturbate to cartoon porn than have sex with me and hardly ever showers or brushes his teeth. What did I ever see in this man. FML.

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By Mylifesuckshard - / Tuesday 15 January 2019 02:00 /

Today, I finally confronted the neighbors upstairs about their incessant loud noises. At first, they wouldn’t open the door. Why? Well when they did, I was hit with the overwhelmingly aroma of dank kush. I asked them to keep it down so my very sick baby could nap. The noises never stopped. FML.

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By CantWaitToMOVE - / Monday 14 January 2019 04:00 /

Today around midnight I took 2 sleeping pills to try and get to sleep, it's 5am and I'm still awake. FML

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By "The Cat Tickler" / Friday 11 January 2019 15:00 / United States - Highland

Today i was looking at pictures of me as a baby and i stumbled upon abortion paperwork, i was about to be an abortion. FML....

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By - / Monday 14 January 2019 18:00 /

Today I was waiting for my boyfriend in nothing but a red thong and a Santa hat for when he gets home, only when he got home he had up and decided to invite his parents and both his brothers for Xmas eve. I’ll never live this down FML

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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 15 January 2019 00:00 /

Today working as a pizza delivery driver at another store, the manager misplaced the money I needed to give him at the end of the night. Now I have to play them $98 I don't have. FML

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By / Friday 11 January 2019 20:00 /

Today I drove a hour and a half to get my brother for Christmas Eve, he called me 20 min before I got there to tell me that he's not coming. FML

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By "jobekka" / Monday 14 January 2019 00:00 / Denmark

Today, my dad "jokingly" asked if I wanted a new false leg for Christmas, not as my main present, but as a "stocking filler". He makes this joke every fucking year. FML

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By I can't stand leg puns! - / Sunday 13 January 2019 20:00 /

Today, I was in a hurry to get to my exams. I’m a new driver so my parking was a little crooked but I didn’t have time to fix it. I was expecting to come back to a note on my car. I wasn’t expecting three of my tires to be slashed and the words “I Suck At Parking” to be keyed into my car. FML

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By isuckatparking. seriously. - / Wednesday 16 January 2019 02:00 /

Today, like for the last year, I’ve been on Tinder. I was having a great conversation with a man and we were planning a date for next week when he asked for my number. When I politely responded that I’d rather wait to exchange numbers after meeting in person, he blocked me. FML.

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By tenniemo / Saturday 12 January 2019 04:00 /

Today, I discovered some mold in my bedroom. Being a responsible tenant, I reported it to my landlord. He freaked out and yelled at me as if I were a small child and threatens to kick me out. I've lived there for 5 years. He's always said what a “wonderful“ tenant I am. Btw, it's Christmas Eve. Fml

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By Faey - / Monday 14 January 2019 20:00 /

Today, it’s Christmas Eve. But my parents got into a fight. My brother tried to intervene, but got caught in the argument. Now, my brother’s returning to college and my parents are divorced. Merry Christmas. FML

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By Tim - / Tuesday 15 January 2019 07:00 / United States - Pomona

Today, I went over to my friend’s house while she was sick. In order to show me how bad her sense of smell was, she took a handful of VapoRub and rubbed it all over and inside of my nose then said “Can you smell that? I can’t.” Yes, I can. But I can also feel my nostrils burning. FML.

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By Anonymous / Sunday 13 January 2019 16:00 /

Today, I found out that not only am I working Christmas Eve, but I have to drastically change my sleep schedule to work a graveyard shift. FML

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By "emeraldapostle" / Sunday 13 January 2019 02:00 /

Today, I discovered that it is possible to have both a UTI and a yeast infection after a hysterectomy. FML

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By - / Monday 14 January 2019 16:00 /

Today, my boyfriend, who makes 4x as much money as me, gave me a half finished stick for my Christmas present. Sure, he intends to sand and varnish it, but it's a stick.. FML

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By Wouldwood - / Saturday 12 January 2019 12:00 /

Today, I had a new set of knives delivered, I'm a chef. My boss says to me ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp, you don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML.

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By cabatt - / Sunday 13 January 2019 04:00 /

So my church does a toy drive for low income families, and I bought a toy to be sent to a local child who lives in one. I bought a Bumblebee action figure from Target. Today, a package came in the mail plus a card... From my church... Inside was the toy. They just called me poor on Christmas. FML.

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By Allen - / Monday 14 January 2019 22:00 / United States - Marietta

Today, I got trapped in the airport lift for half an hour with my family while heading to departure. We ended up missing our flight. 3000 Malaysian bucks were spent on that flight. No one wants to compensate our loss. FML

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By - / Wednesday 16 January 2019 20:00 /

Today, while working in a kids shop, I absent mindedly called a small person with his mum a little man. I then hear a deep man's voice say "I'm not a little man." FML.

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By Teddy Bear - / Saturday 12 January 2019 16:00 /

Today, I've been waiting for an appointment to discuss therapy and medication for my depression and anxiety for months. It's Christmas and I can't get out of bed to join my family.

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By "Owl03031990" / Tuesday 15 January 2019 20:00 /

Today, my step-mother, went into my bedroom, then immediately embarrased me and called me white trash for having a "dirty home". I travel a lot for work and, while I was away, my ex trashed the house. I tried my best to clean, but had to hide recycle-ables and laundry in my bedroom. FML

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By TheFamilysGrinch - / Wednesday 16 January 2019 00:00 /

FML

Nearly

Today, my mother came to Christmas high and gave me coupons and beauty samples for Christmas. I don’t even wear makeup. FML

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Today I found out why my inlaws hate me so much. Apparently my husband told his brother, who then told the entire family, he caught me cheating a while...

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World

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Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Australia

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Photos

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Spicy

Today, my husband left his cellphone unlocked so I decided to go through it. I found 10 texts threads from 10 different women, one of them from my 18 year...

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

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