Your everyday life stories

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Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML

By Anonymous - 14/2/2019 16:35 - United States

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Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

By garrett - 14/2/2019 15:11 - United States

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Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

By lifeguardfuckup - 14/2/2019 15:17 - United States

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Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML

By Anonymous - 14/2/2019 14:52 - United States - Hartford

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Here's a collection of 15 clips of people fucking up, or just not understanding how the world works. Relatable stuff!

BLOG

FML's 15 Favorite Funny Fuck-Ups of the Week!

By Alan / Friday 23 August 2019 18:00

BLOG

WTF is Happening on TikTok? FML investigates.

By Alan / Monday 19 August 2019 18:00

Here's a few examples of great (and not so great) videos that caught our eye in the TikTok revolution!

By steve-o - 14/2/2019 15:46 - United States

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

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Today, while at the office, a surprise Valentine's gift arrived for me, the first I've ever received. It was a box of heart-shaped cookies. From my mother. I'm 39. FML

By FMAhole - 12/2/2019 12:18 - Australia - Brisbane

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Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

By Polmkk - 14/2/2019 15:00 - United States

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Today, my stomach growled so loud in class that a boy sitting next to me thought his phone had vibrated. FML

By qourt - 14/2/2019 15:34 - United States

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Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

By Dockin - 14/2/2019 15:37 - India

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Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

By oohrahgal - 14/2/2019 16:32 - United States - Clementon

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Today, my husband left his cellphone unlocked so I decided to go through it. I found 10 texts threads from 10 different women, one of them from my 18 year old sister who was sending him nude pictures. FML

By Anonymous - 27/12/2018 04:00

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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Today, I found out why my husband is suddenly uninterested in sex. Apparently one of the secretaries at work has finally turned 18, and it's pretty much an open secret among his coworkers that they fuck anywhere from 2 to 5 times a day. FML

By Anonymous - 4/10/2018 03:00

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Today, my landlord sent me a text asking me to please keep it down because our loud Wednesday night sex sessions are disturbing other tenants in the building. Wednesday is my night shift every week so my wife is home alone, or at least I thought she was. FML

By Anonymous - 8/11/2018 22:00

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Today, it's my wedding anniversary. I decided to come home early to surprise my husband, but I was the one left surprised. I walked in on him in bed with a teenager. I'm six months pregnant with our second child. FML

By Bree - 23/9/2018 03:00

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Today, while getting dressed, I discovered that when my brother and his friends got drunk last night one of them wanked into a pair of my panties and put them back in my wardrobe. The crusty mess pressed right into my groin. I had to clean dry spunk out of my pubic hair. FML

By Anonymous - 15/9/2018 06:00

W.T.F.

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Today, after years of telling my boyfriend I don't do anal, I agreed to try it once just to get him to stop whining about it. He was so gung-ho that he tried to force it in without doing enough "relaxing preparation" and he split the muscle around my ring. Now I need surgery. FML

By Anonymous - 20/9/2018 03:00

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Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming her, because the camera was moving and definitely not on a tripod. I know I never recorded a video of her. FML

By Anonymous - 15/10/2018 03:00

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Today, while using the bathroom in a small coffee shop, I somehow passed out sitting on the toilet. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the vicious banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons attempting to break down a door. FML

By Man Shamed - 29/6/2019 10:00 - United States - Hyattsville

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Today, I found a video on my boyfriend's phone of him getting a blowjob. When I confronted him, he panicked and claimed it was me in the video. Then he tried to say it was from before we met, even though in the video he was wearing the watch I bought him for his birthday 3 days ago. FML

By Anonymous - 29/9/2018 03:00

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Today, my boss told me I might get fired because I didn't break up a fist fight. I am over 7 months pregnant and both of the people who were fighting are bigger than me. FML

By Nebraskawreck - 2/11/2018 20:01

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Today, a creepy-looking guy asked me if I "like bananas" and I said no. He then followed with "Do you want to taste my banana?" Shocked by his boldness, I froze. My boyfriend, who had heard the entire exchange, just laughed and walked off, leaving me with the creeper. FML

By InnocenceBlue - 13/10/2018 18:50

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Hi guys, OP here. I am no longer with this guy, for many reasons but this was a huge one. Not the first time something like this has happened. To answer any queries, I have anxiety, mainly towards surprises/shocks and this was one hell of a surprise. My ex knew I have "issues" and disappeared into the crowd (this was at a nightclub) knowing I wasn't following. Thanks for the funny replies and support...

InnocenceBlue Say more :

By Anonymous - 29/8/2018 06:00

Today, I'm on new medication that has a side effect of keeping me awake all night. Now I get to listen to my parents having sex at 2am when they think I'm fast asleep. FYI, my dad likes being spanked and being told that he's a really bad boy who needs punishment. FML

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Today, I found out just how close my boyfriend has been getting to our new neighbour's teenage son. I came home from work to find them on my bed and my "straight" boyfriend head down ass up. FML

By Cantunsee - 26/8/2018 06:00

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Today, my mom decided she wants to try a new family bonding experiment: Being naked around the house for an entire week. She wants us all to eat dinner, watch tv, etc. completely naked. She says she will ground me and my siblings if we don't try it. FML

By Whoops - 2/11/2018 14:00

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Today, despite being the president of the Japanese club at my school since it started, my mom will not let me go on a school-sponsored trip to Japan. She's worried that North Korea will fire a missile at Japan while I'm there. FML

By ChromoTec - 24/9/2018 22:38

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Hey, OP here. I couldn't fit everything inside the 300-character limit, so I'll just explain it here. She says we don't have the money to go, which currently we don't, but she refused all of my fundraising ideas and made me take down my GoFundMe page, and since she doesn't let me get a job either, I'm stuck with no way to pay for it. I've tried again and again to get her to let me go, but she won't...

ChromoTec Say more :

By IDon’tKnowAnymore - 2/12/2018 08:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and then going to her place, not only did she not want sex, she also wanted me to leave and told me she never wanted to see me again. FML

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Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML.

By jess - 24/12/2018 04:00

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Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

By I wish it was gum - 23/10/2018 12:00

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Today, I came home to find my entire action figure collection was gone. My parents told me I am too old for toys, so they opened all of the packages and donated them to Goodwill. I had an original Boba Fett, and my entire collection was worth more than twenty thousand dollars. FML

By Anonymous - 3/12/2018 12:00

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