By Anonymous - 11/11/2019 05:00 - United States Size Queen Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she took the shower head and started spraying my penis with it. I asked her, "What are you doing?" Her response, "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML I agree, your life sucks 69645 You deserved it 14710 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 12/2/2020 14:00 - United States Almost father Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML I agree, your life sucks 22081 You deserved it 108718 822 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 10/1/2020 14:00 My 21st birthday Today, my parents took me to a bar to celebrate my 21st birthday. They brought my little brother, but when the bouncer wouldn't allow him in, they made me wait outside with him while they went in for drinks. FML I agree, your life sucks 7787 You deserved it 488 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By retailworker - 9/1/2020 14:00 Customer service Today, at work, I was helping a customer over the phone. Another customer came and asked me a question. I let them know I'd be with them shortly. They then said "I really think you should hang up. The customer is always first." FML I agree, your life sucks 7174 You deserved it 520 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BureaucraticLimbo - 1/1/2020 14:00 Card problem Today, I was told I can't renew my Identity Card without a Social Security Card, and I can't get a replacement Social Security Card without an Identity Card. FML I agree, your life sucks 6184 You deserved it 490 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
BLOG The Best of the Worst of FML #88 1 By Alan / Wednesday 13 May 2020 20:00 Here's a selection of some of the worst, unpublishable FMLs we've received over the years. Read them and weep!
BLOG The Best of the Worst of FML #87 1 By Alan / Wednesday 1 April 2020 20:00 Here's a selection of some of the worst, unpublishable FMLs we've received over the years. Read them and weep!
By - 19/1/2020 18:00 Romantic gesture Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML I agree, your life sucks 5432 You deserved it 216 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Man Shamed - 29/6/2019 10:00 - United States - Hyattsville Today, while using the bathroom in a small coffee shop, I somehow passed out sitting on the toilet. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the vicious banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons attempting to break down a door. FML I agree, your life sucks 5316 You deserved it 1049 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/11/2019 20:00 Hopeless Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML I agree, your life sucks 4641 You deserved it 272 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wellokthen - 26/11/2019 18:00 - United States - Birmingham Bed move Today, my friend sent me a link to a porn video. The guy in it was my boyfriend, the girl in it wasn't me, but they were in my bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 4436 You deserved it 218 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada I don't understand! Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 4278 You deserved it 528 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shut up loser! - 2/12/2019 03:00 Not her fault neither mine Today, my 4 year old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 4257 You deserved it 432 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 31/1/2020 18:00 Selfish Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML I agree, your life sucks 4145 You deserved it 282 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cantstopfeelingit - 16/12/2019 05:00 Gross! Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML I agree, your life sucks 4077 You deserved it 2383 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 2/12/2019 18:00 She plays tricks on me Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML I agree, your life sucks 3988 You deserved it 159 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 7/1/2020 18:00 Negative response Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML I agree, your life sucks 3883 You deserved it 1546 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 10/11/2019 05:00 Love sex Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML I agree, your life sucks 3805 You deserved it 274 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 11/7/2019 00:03 Today, the guy who sexually assaulted me when I was a child is over to have coffee with my mother. She says that it's OK, because God wouldn't want her to turn away someone who has no family. FML I agree, your life sucks 3748 You deserved it 108 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 2/1/2020 18:00 Hard to believe Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 3740 You deserved it 459 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 8/12/2019 20:00 What should I do? Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML I agree, your life sucks 3692 You deserved it 476 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Notcheating - 3/12/2019 18:00 Not a cheating! Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. I agree, your life sucks 3576 You deserved it 392 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 30/12/2020 18:00 I am sorry Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML I agree, your life sucks 3542 You deserved it 164 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 15/5/2020 23:00 The geyser Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML I agree, your life sucks 3504 You deserved it 245 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 01:00 It's not mine, dumbass Today, my girlfriend announced to me that she is pregnant and tried to tell me it was mine. I lost both testicles to an infection as a teenager so, no way it’s mine. Somehow, she never made the mental connection that no balls equals no children and no way to convince me I’m the dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 3484 You deserved it 150 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Deployed - 7/12/2019 14:00 - United States - San Diego Great surprise Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML I agree, your life sucks 3422 You deserved it 161 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 24/12/2019 18:00 Just a formality Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I said yes and he gave me an engagement ring. He immediately went to call his mom to tell her the happy news. After the phone call, he asked if he could return the ring because his mom needed money. FML I agree, your life sucks 3421 You deserved it 231 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/11/2019 02:30 Family coincidence Today with a DNA test, I found out that my husband is my half brother. 30 years ago his father made a donation to the sperm bank my mother used, and I’m the result. To make matters worse, I’m pregnant. FML I agree, your life sucks 3414 You deserved it 170 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 6/12/2019 20:00 I'm not blind Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML I agree, your life sucks 3410 You deserved it 475 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Oh... - 26/7/2019 16:00 - Australia Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 3362 You deserved it 114 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By blew it - 5/6/2019 02:00 Today, I was going down on my boyfriend, only while I was down there I noticed he had an ungodly amount of dick cheese under his foreskin. He’s now mad at me for blueballing him, even though he’s clearly the one at fault for being a filthy pig. FML I agree, your life sucks 3346 You deserved it 284 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 21/12/2019 18:00 Not mine! Today, my girlfriend wished me a happy birthday. Too bad my birthday isn't for 5 months. She mixed up my birthday with the guy she's been cheating on me with. FML I agree, your life sucks 3309 You deserved it 190 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today my boyfriend renewed his drivers license and showed me the picture. I told him he needed to go back because they put the wrong birthdate. Turns out... I agree, your life sucks 1 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
Today, my husband fell down the stairs at work and hit a deer with our brand new 2020 car on the way home. And now he's just come back into the house saying... I agree, your life sucks 8 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML I agree, your life sucks 575 You deserved it 87 6 Comments
Today, my husband got home and shouted he had a surprise for me. I shouted back that I hoped it was his tasty knob with strawberry lube. Nope, he'd picked... I agree, your life sucks 739 You deserved it 299 5 Comments
