By Anonymous - 11/11/2019 05:00 - United States Size Queen Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she took the shower head and started spraying my penis with it. I asked her, "What are you doing?" Her response, "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML I agree, your life sucks 69873 You deserved it 14765 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 12/2/2020 14:00 - United States Almost father Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML I agree, your life sucks 22133 You deserved it 108927 822 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 10/1/2020 14:00 My 21st birthday Today, my parents took me to a bar to celebrate my 21st birthday. They brought my little brother, but when the bouncer wouldn't allow him in, they made me wait outside with him while they went in for drinks. FML I agree, your life sucks 7940 You deserved it 500 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By retailworker - 9/1/2020 14:00 Customer service Today, at work, I was helping a customer over the phone. Another customer came and asked me a question. I let them know I'd be with them shortly. They then said "I really think you should hang up. The customer is always first." FML I agree, your life sucks 7264 You deserved it 544 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BureaucraticLimbo - 1/1/2020 14:00 Card problem Today, I was told I can't renew my Identity Card without a Social Security Card, and I can't get a replacement Social Security Card without an Identity Card. FML I agree, your life sucks 6278 You deserved it 495 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 19/1/2020 18:00 Romantic gesture Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML I agree, your life sucks 5969 You deserved it 243 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/11/2019 20:00 Hopeless Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML I agree, your life sucks 4869 You deserved it 292 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wellokthen - 26/11/2019 18:00 - United States - Birmingham Bed move Today, my friend sent me a link to a porn video. The guy in it was my boyfriend, the girl in it wasn't me, but they were in my bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 4762 You deserved it 241 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada I don't understand! Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 4567 You deserved it 570 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 31/1/2020 18:00 Selfish Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML I agree, your life sucks 4365 You deserved it 292 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shut up loser! - 2/12/2019 03:00 Not her fault neither mine Today, my 4 year old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 4358 You deserved it 435 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 2/12/2019 18:00 She plays tricks on me Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML I agree, your life sucks 4268 You deserved it 173 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cantstopfeelingit - 16/12/2019 05:00 Gross! Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML I agree, your life sucks 4125 You deserved it 2415 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 2/1/2020 18:00 Hard to believe Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 4038 You deserved it 513 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 8/12/2019 20:00 What should I do? Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML I agree, your life sucks 3947 You deserved it 516 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 10/11/2019 05:00 Love sex Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML I agree, your life sucks 3938 You deserved it 288 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 15/5/2020 23:00 The geyser Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML I agree, your life sucks 3921 You deserved it 278 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Notcheating - 3/12/2019 18:00 Not a cheating! Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. I agree, your life sucks 3850 You deserved it 425 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 30/1/2020 20:00 Someone else Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML I agree, your life sucks 3744 You deserved it 324 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 30/12/2020 18:00 I am sorry Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML I agree, your life sucks 3657 You deserved it 170 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Van - 9/11/2019 05:00 Work name Today, I found out the girl my husband's been calling "Sister" isn't actually his sister, but instead a hooker whose work name is "Sister". FML I agree, your life sucks 3652 You deserved it 432 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 01:00 It's not mine, dumbass Today, my girlfriend announced to me that she is pregnant and tried to tell me it was mine. I lost both testicles to an infection as a teenager so, no way it’s mine. Somehow, she never made the mental connection that no balls equals no children and no way to convince me I’m the dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 3650 You deserved it 167 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 6/12/2019 20:00 I'm not blind Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML I agree, your life sucks 3644 You deserved it 509 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/11/2019 02:30 Family coincidence Today with a DNA test, I found out that my husband is my half brother. 30 years ago his father made a donation to the sperm bank my mother used, and I’m the result. To make matters worse, I’m pregnant. FML I agree, your life sucks 3520 You deserved it 176 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Deployed - 7/12/2019 14:00 - United States - San Diego Great surprise Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML I agree, your life sucks 3511 You deserved it 168 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 21/12/2019 18:00 Not mine! Today, my girlfriend wished me a happy birthday. Too bad my birthday isn't for 5 months. She mixed up my birthday with the guy she's been cheating on me with. FML I agree, your life sucks 3458 You deserved it 200 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 27/11/2019 18:00 - United States My electric toothbrush Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML I agree, your life sucks 3418 You deserved it 248 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 23/12/2019 18:00 After vacation Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 3235 You deserved it 245 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 28/1/2020 18:00 So romantic! Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML I agree, your life sucks 3124 You deserved it 246 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mils - 26/11/2019 03:00 - Australia - Blackburn Maternal monitoring Today, I learned the hard way that my parents leave the baby monitor in my room when my boyfriend stays over. FML I agree, your life sucks 3109 You deserved it 836 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today I’m stuck not being able to sleep because the thought that someone actually cares about me occurred. FML I agree, your life sucks 0 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
Today, I use to think being in a relationship would be cool...now I'm dating someone who basically wants me to be a nun...not wear shorts, remove all of... I agree, your life sucks 4 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my... I agree, your life sucks 770 You deserved it 146 6 Comments
Today, my very top boyfriend told me he was ready to try being the bottom. He moaned and complained about the pain the entire time, even though I got less... I agree, your life sucks 755 You deserved it 187 5 Comments