FML : Your everyday life stories

Weirdest FMLs of the Day Most Commented FMLs of the Day

Today, I spent 2 hours painstakingly making a berry tart for my best friend. As I was taking it out of the oven, the glass dish slipped from my hands and shattered all over the kitchen floor. Now I have no tart and I owe her housemate a new dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Nirius - / Sunday 22 October 2017 06:00 /

Today, my husband's mistress purposely and dangerously induced her own labor so that she would have the baby on my birthday. Yes, I'm divorcing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Whatthehell - / Sunday 22 October 2017 05:00 /

Don't Touch My Fries

These aren't beetles... This is Sparta!

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By FML Approved - / Sunday 22 October 2017 04:00 /

Today, while hanging out with my boyfriend, I started getting ready for bed. As I grabbed my face wipes, he said, “Wait, don't take off your makeup because then you'll be ugly.“ FML

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You deserved it

By khlonnae - / Saturday 21 October 2017 19:30 / United States - Dayton

15 FMLs About People Who Are Definitely Aware of Reptiles In Honor of National Reptile Awareness Day

When I think of national awareness days, I think about things like diseases or social problems not everybody knows the consequences...

By Nina - / Sunday 22 October 2017 00:00 /

Today, at 7 months pregnant, I dealt with migraines, body aches, and morning sickness. In my rush to the bathroom, I couldn't get my dog out of the way and puked on his back. Now he needs a bath, but wet dog makes me more nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Preggers - / Saturday 21 October 2017 13:00 / United States - Redondo

Group Project Struggles

Not helping never looked so cute!

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By FML Approved - / Saturday 21 October 2017 14:30 / United States - New York

Embarrassing.

Today, I slipped and fell while shopping at a local grocery store. I slipped and fell in the same store last week. FML

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You deserved it

By DanielleinDC - / Saturday 21 October 2017 13:00 / United States - Washington

This Week’s Top 10 Comments Are In!

FML’s commenters are back for another week of outwitting you. This time, with snappy commentary, sharp-witted repartee, and puns, naturally.

By Nina - / Saturday 21 October 2017 17:30 / France - Paris

Today, I made the egregious mistake of going on RateMyTeachers. My students think that, while I'm a good teacher, I have constant "wardrobe malfunctions" and spill my "bloody ass tampons all over the place like a bitch". I teach 6th graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By dysfunctional_ravenclaw - / Saturday 21 October 2017 08:00 / United States - Houston

Today, I found out that I’m the only guy in my family that's circumcised. When I asked my parents why they did it, they told me that they wanted me to be “different”. I have 3 older brothers and 5 older cousins. I finally get their helmet jokes. FML

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You deserved it

By Why Dad? - / Saturday 21 October 2017 00:00 / Canada - Ajax

World

Denmark

Today, a friend sent me a video of my boyfriend of 2.5 years and the girl I "shouldn't be worried about" on a date at the restaurant he claimed he hated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 21 October 2017 05:00 / Denmark - Viborg

Too Much Sugar

Sometimes all you can do is sit back and let them get it out of their systems.

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By FML Approved - / Friday 20 October 2017 22:00 / United States - New York

Today, my pneumonia came back, so I called the health hotline for advice. They transferred me to the emergency department, who sent an ambulance. The paramedics asked, "Why call an ambulance?" and then told me it was an overreaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 21 October 2017 01:30 /

The Best of the Worst of FML #37

Here's another selection of the worst FMLs we've received over the years. Read them and weep.

By Alan - / Saturday 21 October 2017 00:00 / France - Paris

Today, my husband gave our three-year-old son a lesson on life and death. He did this by slaughtering our pet chicken for dinner in front of him. My son has been crying for hours. FML

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You deserved it

By RIPJarJar - / Friday 20 October 2017 22:18 /

Just Hanging On

It'll get better. Eventually.

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You deserved it

By FML Approved - / Friday 20 October 2017 20:30 /

Today, the friend I recommended for a job at my workplace is getting fired for being one of the worst people they have ever hired. FML

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You deserved it

By Worker - / Saturday 21 October 2017 01:12 / Australia - Forrestfield

Tinder Users Post Their Online Photos Alongside What They Actually Look Like When Swiping Tinder, And The Results Are Pretty Funny!

Tinder users usually tend to present themselves in their best light. Which sometimes means being a bit economical with the truth: a...

By Alan - / Friday 20 October 2017 17:30 / France - Paris

Today, after a week of severe gastroenteritis that required a hospital stay, I was finally feeling well enough to go in the pool at our holiday resort. My fiance slipped on the edge of the pool and we're back in the hospital. Happy vacation! FML

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You deserved it

By Travellingluck - / Friday 20 October 2017 16:12 /

Today, Hurricane Ophelia hit. I had been meaning to fix my roof for a while but couldn't get around to it. My roof is now embedded in my car. FML

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You deserved it

By Jodie Zawadzka - / Friday 20 October 2017 06:00 /

Congratulations. You played yourself.

Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML

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You deserved it

By IguessFML - / Friday 20 October 2017 05:00 /

Rejection Hurts

Dating is so difficult these days...

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By FML Approved - / Friday 20 October 2017 04:00 /

I agree, that was well spotted

You deserved it

By FML Approved - / Thursday 19 October 2017 21:00 / United States - New York

Today, I twisted my ankle and fractured my wrist while dancing. I audition for a performing arts school in one week. FML

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You deserved it

By thegreatcometofawayhamilton - / Friday 20 October 2017 01:48 /

These 24 “First of All” Tweets Are Brutal, Hilarious, And Perfect For Everyone Who Hates People

“First of all” is the new meme that’s taking over Twitter and it’s the verbal eye roll of people who’ve have had it up to here with...

By Nina - / Friday 20 October 2017 00:00 /

Cat Burglar!

Today, I found my lost cat. As I was hooking it up to a leash to get it in my car, a man approached and asked what I was doing. His kids alerted him that there was a woman stealing their cat from their front lawn. It was not my cat. FML

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You deserved it

By Aimee Lutz - / Thursday 19 October 2017 22:00 /

When you run out of kibble...

Say it isn't so!

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You deserved it

By FML Approved - / Thursday 19 October 2017 20:30 /

World

Germany

Today, I have to defend my bachelor thesis, which took me 10 months to complete. Three weeks ago, a new technology was released that renders my entire work obsolete. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Thursday 19 October 2017 19:00 / Germany - Berlin

These 22 Pictures Are Guaranteed to Piss You Off At Least A Little

There are certain little things that you come across every now and then that are so frustrating, they make you yell at inanimate objects....

By Nina - / Thursday 19 October 2017 17:30 /

FML

The Top

FML: Uncensored

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids....

FML: Uncensored

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It...

FML: Uncensored

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing...

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she...

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Nearly

Today, during sex, my boyfriend told me "it's so sexy when you get horny and your asshole pops out." Uh, great honey, thanks, but that's a hemorrhoid....

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You deserved it

Today, I realised that it is, in fact, not a great idea to put aftershave on your freshly shaven balls. Whenever I move it feels like Satan himself puts...

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You deserved it

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World

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Denmark

Today, a friend sent me a video of my boyfriend of 2.5 years and the girl I "shouldn't be worried about" on a date at the restaurant he claimed he hated....

Germany

Today, I have to defend my bachelor thesis, which took me 10 months to complete. Three weeks ago, a new technology was released that renders my entire...

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Photos

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Spicy

Today, I found out that I’m the only guy in my family that's circumcised. When I asked my parents why they did it, they told me that they wanted me to...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Not helping.

Today, my neighbor's pesky 7-year-old daughter, who is friends with the guy I really like, decided to help me with him. She used her phone to send him...

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You deserved it

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