By kkmirw - 14/10/2019 05:00 Pissed Today, a colostomy bag exploded on me while I was waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yesterday, my shoes were peed on by a child while I was at work. FML I agree, your life sucks 57 You deserved it 6 0 0 4 3 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Virginia6810 - 14/10/2019 02:00 Christmas is canceled Today, I got an email that my Amazon account was probably hacked, and they have gone ahead and canceled all orders that seemed suspicious. Two days ago I was celebrating that I'd finished Christmas shopping early. Never mind. FML I agree, your life sucks 273 You deserved it 18 10 0 4 6 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DDboy - 13/10/2019 22:00 Going pro Today, I got yelled at by one of the managers at my store for tucking in my shirt in the crew room. She called it unprofessional and offensive. It was my first day. FML I agree, your life sucks 464 You deserved it 36 13 3 11 9 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mystic Alan - 13/10/2019 19:00 FML's Weekly Horoscope - 13th of October 2019 Find out what embarrassing stuff the dumbass stars and planets have in store for you this week! 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By let ‘Er rip - 13/10/2019 16:00 The Sweet Smell of Success Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML I agree, your life sucks 673 You deserved it 226 1 0 6 83 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Henry - 13/10/2019 13:00 How is that fair? Today, I was promoted as an auditor at an insurance company. After finding 9 compliance violations and over $15,000 returned incorrectly, I reported them to my manager. She blamed me for all the mistakes and fired me. These mistakes happened two years before I was employed with the company. FML I agree, your life sucks 1026 You deserved it 49 26 0 45 1 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fmyboss - 13/10/2019 07:00 People never learn Today, I was made fun of at work by my mom and my supervisor. I work at a kids' anti-bullying camp. FML I agree, your life sucks 940 You deserved it 80 50 6 12 19 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kali - 13/10/2019 04:00 Say it ain't so, please Today, I went to go meet my boyfriend at a restaurant to tell him it just wasn't working out. Before I could do so, he proposed. I had to tell him no, so he started to cry and ran out. Everyone looked at me like some kind of monster. FML I agree, your life sucks 1076 You deserved it 186 56 4 19 14 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 13/10/2019 01:00 Thanks for that, dad! Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML I agree, your life sucks 1392 You deserved it 115 89 1 61 30 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yupimher - 12/10/2019 22:00 The long goodbye Today, I found out my job is trying to get me to quit. FML I agree, your life sucks 1023 You deserved it 84 22 2 41 5 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By still sore - 12/10/2019 19:00 Relax! Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML I agree, your life sucks 1340 You deserved it 107 21 4 23 51 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuck you sis - 12/10/2019 16:00 Loyalty card Today, my parents lectured me about the importance of family, and how forgiveness is necessary. This came after I stopped speaking to my sister. I cut her out of my life after she slept with a second boyfriend of mine. Apparently, it’s up to me to "be the bigger person." FML I agree, your life sucks 1444 You deserved it 81 71 4 39 10 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 13:00 Yelp Today, I was fired from my job as a waitress, all because someone complained there was too much seasoning in their food. As I said, I'm a waitress. This happened the same week I was hired. FML I agree, your life sucks 1237 You deserved it 64 17 3 47 6 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 06:00 Sounds reasonable Today, my 70 year-old mother complained about the patio window being dirty. I asked her why she couldn't clean it, or anything else in the house for that matter. I was informed she can't clean windows because she's not left handed. FML I agree, your life sucks 1061 You deserved it 140 14 3 6 88 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By deathparty352 - 12/10/2019 04:00 Unpleasant, but clean Today, I'd had enough of the excrement sticking in my butt hair. Now that I'm shaved, I feel my buttocks rubbing together. With every step. FML I agree, your life sucks 517 You deserved it 926 16 4 16 92 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wouldn'tyouliketoknow - 12/10/2019 02:00 Sneaky moggie Today, my neighbours were screaming for their "lost" cat again. I've already seen the cat multiple times. In my garden. Pissing. FML I agree, your life sucks 1090 You deserved it 78 11 1 3 58 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 00:01 Happy Feet Today, an old lady rear ended my car the light. Her explanation was, "It's a new car, and when I take my foot off the break, it just rolls forward all on its own! I don't know what's wrong with it!" FML I agree, your life sucks 1212 You deserved it 71 20 2 14 72 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Grinsporked - 11/10/2019 22:00 Bankers! Today, after talking to the bank, I'd have to take a pay cut to qualify for a home loan. I'm still confused. FML I agree, your life sucks 1189 You deserved it 79 14 1 66 8 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nasuma - 11/10/2019 20:00 Alexa, play "Guess I'm Dumb" by Glen Campbell Today, I took a legitimate IQ test and got a score of 80. My parents both have IQ scores above Einstein’s. FML I agree, your life sucks 1044 You deserved it 211 26 2 9 67 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alan - 11/10/2019 18:00 FML's Favorite Funny Fuck-Ups of the Week! Here's a bunch of people (and animals) fucking up, or just not understanding how the world works. Relatable stuff, probably. 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 16:00 Mommy's boy Today, I found out that in the past, my mother has paid or outright threatened my girlfriends into breaking up with me, because they were, "unsuitable trash not fit to be the mothers of my future grand babies." This explains why I’m 47 and have never married or had children. FML I agree, your life sucks 1775 You deserved it 105 15 4 167 10 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CatCreator - 11/10/2019 14:00 Making a Murderer Today, my 8-year-old son eagerly showed me a PowerPoint he made. It consisted of REALLY graphic and gory descriptions of a guy getting murdered, complete with pictures from the internet. He was laughing the whole time he was showing me this, and even set one of the images as his desktop background. FML I agree, your life sucks 1316 You deserved it 232 4 2 134 14 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 12:00 Oh, hai Mark! Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in my mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 1317 You deserved it 536 8 3 27 169 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anna - 11/10/2019 06:00 Great, some ice cream! Today, after three years of working at my current occupation, they decided to give me a bonus for all of my hard work and effort. A 5$ gift card to Cold Stone. FML I agree, your life sucks 1300 You deserved it 96 31 1 13 52 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 04:00 - United States Why do people do this? Today, a friend showed me my husband's online dating profile, which includes photos of him with our kids. FML I agree, your life sucks 1765 You deserved it 101 94 2 75 15 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By David - 11/10/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom - Leicester Annie's Song Today, I was finally having a conversation with my granny, who I don't get to see often. First thing she tells me was that she was going to have surgery soon, because her "women's insides" were "dangling out." FML I agree, your life sucks 1227 You deserved it 107 10 3 45 88 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 00:01 Pick your moments, dude! Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML I agree, your life sucks 1262 You deserved it 226 15 7 14 152 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 22:01 The Gush Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML I agree, your life sucks 604 You deserved it 1632 17 3 27 80 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 14:00 - United States Happy anniversary! Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML I agree, your life sucks 1432 You deserved it 164 56 2 19 45 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alan - 10/10/2019 18:02 The Best of the Worst of FML #86 Here's a selection of some of the worst, unpublishable FMLs we've received over the years. Read them and weep! 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I went to the city to help my grandma move/have a sale. While I was busy helping someone, some jerkoff stole my wallet. To make matters worse, when... I agree, your life sucks 21 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
Today, I was out shopping I didn't realize the inside leg of my jeggings ripped till after I got home 2 hours later. FML I agree, your life sucks 25 You deserved it 12 0 Comments
Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in... I agree, your life sucks 1317 You deserved it 536 4 Comments
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood.... I agree, your life sucks 1262 You deserved it 226 21 Comments
Funniest FMLs of the Day
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