Your everyday life stories

276

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

By - 11/12/2019 18:00

Celebration

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Today, I found maggots in the ketchup on my sausage. Too bad I had already eaten half of it. FML

By lilviss - 11/12/2019 14:00 - Australia

It was yummy

486

Today, I was brushing my teeth. My mum walked in and exclaimed "oh that is the toothbrush I used to clean the toilet!". Thanks for putting it back in the toothbrush holder, mum. FML

By anyagrande - 11/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom

Thank you mum

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Today, I finally got the guts to ask out my crush. She said yes and I was really happy. Then I woke up. FML

By jswag2004 - 11/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Elgin

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Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years...by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML

By okthen - 10/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

One day with him

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Today, I decided to pay for sex. Turned out the woman I paid was a man, but that is not the worst part. His penis was bigger than mine. FML

By KonKos - 10/12/2019 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

A bigger one

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Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she says "Don't cum in me, my husband has plans for later." FML

By Perry85 - 10/12/2019 05:00

Not my turn

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Today, I was wearing an old t-shirt, my mom saw me and told me to throw it away, I replied: "one last use and I throw it" and she replied: "that's what your ex-girlfriend said before she dump you".FML

By "Miguel Seminario" - 10/12/2019 03:00

Throw it away

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Today, while watching tv in my dorm, i clearly hear my roommate yell to someone proudly, I've only taken a shower 4 or 5 times since I've been here. He's been my roommate for four months... FML

By Anonymous - 10/12/2019 01:00

Pleasant smell

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Today, I found out that my first and lovely high school girlfriend who cheated on me and then broke up with me, is now a prostitute. FML

By anonymous - 9/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Newark

My first love

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Today, I lost my anal virginity because my boyfriend "slipped". FML

By - 9/12/2019 18:00

Slipping at a night

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Today, while I was masturbating I saw my little sister shockingly watching me, and said please, finish it quickly, I want to see your face when you are coming. FML

By Cadburry - 9/12/2019 05:00 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Fascinating action

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Today, my boyfriend took the semen that got on his thumb, rubbed it across my forehead, and whispered, "Simba." FML

By Anonymous - 9/12/2019 03:00 - United States - New Milford

The Lion King

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Today, I had sex with my wife only to be told that the sex was horrible and to be given divorce papers. FML

By cap - 9/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Manhattan

Last trip

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Today, my boyfriend's parents came over. It got hot, so I took off the jacket I was wearing, but I forgot I wasn't wearing a shirt underneath. FML

By joyf - 8/12/2019 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

It's hot!

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Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

By - 8/12/2019 20:00

What should I do?

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Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML

By Bir - 8/12/2019 14:00 - Nepal

Early wake-up

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Today, I learned that I am referred to as the girl who has "the ass like Beyoncé, but a face like a gorilla". FML

By Anonymous - 8/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Pasadena

In a zoo

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Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, nude. FML

By GoulashQueen - 8/12/2019 01:00 - Australia - Brunswick

Good food

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Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML

By Anonymous - 7/12/2019 20:00

Bumbling

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Today, I was woken up by my cat. Did he bite me? Meow to get fed? No, those are too common. He scratched my hole, and it was very exciting. FML

By Nyxilia - 7/12/2019 17:00 - United Kingdom - Edgware

The best cat

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Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML

By Deployed - 7/12/2019 14:00 - United States - San Diego

Great surprise

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Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

By Anonymous - 7/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Nice outing

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Today, I came back to work after being out for a week. As I walked to the back of the store I threw my hands up and yelled "I'm back bitches". Right after I said it, I noticed my boss was behind me. I was then taken to the office and wrote up for foul language on my first day back. FML

By "pixie_pix13" - 7/12/2019 03:00

Back to work

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Today, I met my boyfriends family, his mother asked me if I am the girl who drives a Jeep that he had been sneaking in every night. But, I drive a Honda. FML

By - 6/12/2019 20:00

He leads a double life

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Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML

By - 6/12/2019 20:00

I'm not blind

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Today, I found out that my best friend does not wash her hands after going to the bathroom, even if she changes her pad. I then remembered all the times she handed food to me, and teased me when I tried to wash my hands first. FML

By Ewt - 6/12/2019 05:00 - Canada - Victoria

Not a joke!

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Today, I finally got a cable box for my TV. When I was connecting the cable, my tv fell and shattered the screen. FML

By icy - 6/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Prairieville

Not fair!

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Today, I was walking to the bus stop for school. And the bus drove past me, I chased it and fell in a puddle, my boyfriend was in the bus, and he laughed. FML

By yolomane - 6/12/2019 01:00

He does not care!

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