All the FMLs

Get a flip phone

By Katheryns - 23/09/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I sold my old iPhone 14… or at least I tried. I met the customer and she said, “Gee thanks!” and walked away with it. When I asked for the money, she said, “Suck my dick!” and took off running. I'm too out of shape to catch her and phoneless until I can come up with the remaining $200 to pay for my new iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 26

Cars suck

By Fourwheeler - 23/09/2026 20:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I'm stuck driving a 20 MPG sports car because nobody wants to buy it off of me, instead of riding a faster, 50 MPG motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 83

This doesn't feel nice

By lorrilanee - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 279

You deserved it 5 104

What?

By Nicole - 23/09/2026 15:00 - Canada - Fort Nelson

Today, I went through the local coffee shop drive-thru and got a canned energy drink. I didn't notice the extra topping until I was miles down the road. Someone had thoughtfully topped the can with whipped cream and curly hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 38

Uber unfair

By Anonymous - 23/09/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, a guy who'd never used ride-share before asked for help at the airport. I thought we hadn't figured it out yet, so I canceled mine, which doubled my fare when I ordered it a minute later because we'd actually had figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 109

Temper tantrum

By ViciousCycle - 23/09/2026 09:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my husband has a terrible temper and starts screaming for everything. Consequently, I've learnt to deflect and shift blame to save myself. He says he flies off the handle because I shift blame, while I do it to avoid being verbally abused. Made for each other much? FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 80

Nice try, kiddo

By AvengedSevenX - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 112

You deserved it 25 837

Nobody Loves You (When You're Down and Out)

By Anonymous - 23/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I’m a good man, ready to settle down and build with a good woman, but no one wants to take a chance and build something with me because I'm temporarily living in a homeless shelter. That doesn’t make me unworthy or undeserving of love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 169

The war on Christmas

By Juan - 23/09/2026 00:00 - Mexico

Today, my older sister forced me to tell my nephews, 8 and 6, that Santa Claus does not exist, because she was recently fired from her job and is too much of a coward to tell them she will no longer give them any Christmas gifts for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 72

Body issues

By Dating sucks - 22/09/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, a guy I know asked me out after me losing 75lbs. I declined because I don’t want to be with someone who only wants me for my body. I asked him, “Where was this energy two years ago when I was 75lbs heavier?” He replied, “Can you blame me?” And people wonder why us women choose the bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 389

Tasty treat

By Yudith - 22/09/2026 20:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I caught one of my cats drinking my coffee again. Seems like I'll have to buy one of those mugs with a ceramic lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 163

Great timing

By panickygrl - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 935

You deserved it 4 060

Safety first

By Anonymous - 22/09/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, on a whim, I tried the handle of the front door we never use and found it was unlocked. No one can remember the last time we used that door, and it opens directly onto the pavement, meaning for potentially years anyone could have strolled in at any time. Maybe they already have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 246

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 22/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my husband and I were are fighting for custody of MY two dogs. Then I found out in court that a year into our marriage, he ran one of them over with his car and then had to get a new matching one, and didn’t tell me. He said, “I paid for it so I should keep it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 88

Out of control

By Anonymous - 22/09/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally stuck my thumb into my eye and scratched myself just under my eyebrow. I don't know why my hand was anywhere near my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 156

Thanks Karen

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Gloucester

Today, I was taking a customer's order when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted, "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 956

You deserved it 4 425

Sorry…

By Anonymous - 22/09/2026 03:00 - United States

Today I gently tried to break the news to my now ex-fiance's daughter that her Daddy and I weren't going to get married after all (he cheated), but that I still loved her with all my heart. She responded by punching me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 58

Better the devil you know

By Anonymous - 22/09/2026 00:00 - United States - Youngstown

Today, I'm currently in a relationship, but he acts like a child. My boss has been trying for over a year to get my attention, and I've ignored his advances this whole time, but now I think that I've caught feelings for him. I'm torn between a man child and my boss who makes me submissive. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 337

I think I should leave

By Anonymous - 21/09/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was catfished by a guy. His photo showed a guy who was reasonably in shape with a full head of hair. When I met him in person, he had a receding hairline and a belly so big he couldn’t fit in the booth. We had to ask to move to a normal table and chairs, which was another 25 minute wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 67

Hidden talent

By Wtf dude - 21/09/2026 20:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was working overnight with a handful of coworkers, one who has a reputation for being very quiet. He and I were alone when he suddenly burst into a beautiful folk song. When I told the others what happened, he pretended he didn't know what I was talking about, and now they think I'm nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 101

Party time!

By trbaby - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was at a house-warming party and my friend was in her kitchen making drinks. When I was almost done with my drink, I went to take the last gulp and saw three mouse turds stuck to the inside bottom of the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 060

You deserved it 586

Vroom vroom

By Back Breaking News - 21/09/2026 15:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, I was ridiculed, mocked, and laughed at in the motorcycle garage a buddy recommended. I trusted the owner's discreetness, until he actually shouted for everyone to hear what I was asking for: "WHAT!? YOU WANT YOUR BIG BIKE QUIETER!?" Time to trade it in for a new car, or back to public transport I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 125

Where are you?

By Anonymous - 21/09/2026 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after months of working on our relationship, my ex asked to borrow my car. After many hours and phone calls to see where he was, he still wasn't back. I decided to check my car's GPS and found him at my friend's house. He tried to deny that it was her house, when I've been there multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 79

Thanks, that's great

By Greattitan2 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Beaufort

Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 845

You deserved it 1 952

Suspicious mind

By Mental minefield - 21/09/2026 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, after my husband read about mental load and about what he could do to help with mine, I came home to a clean house, the chores done, and dinner on the stove. I was more anxious and stressed than ever, thinking, "What did he fuck up that I'm gonna find and have to fix at the worst possible time?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 459

Snooping much?

By Anonymous - 21/09/2026 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for changing my phone's password, like I thought she would try to access my phone without telling me. When I pointed out she could only know I changed it by trying to unlock it behind my back, she took the sandwich I'd just made and fed it to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 87

What a time to be alive

By selfarrangedmarriage - 20/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, by far the most accessible way to make ANY romantic connections outside of a bar is to evaluate 400 complete strangers based on their personal resumes, then schedule to meet them under romantic expectations, AKA a dating app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 100

Impressive

By authorsubmit - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 951

You deserved it 48 115

No friends, no problems

By Anonymous - 20/09/2026 15:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I tried to overcome my crippling social anxiety and isolation by joining a club at the campus I attend remotely. Two girls at my table whispered and giggled the entire time, and one of them kept popping her lips like Donkey in the carriage scene in Shrek every few seconds. I left early with a migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 81

Touch me I'm sick

By f u stomach flu - 20/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Poway

Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 232

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Random

Today, my dog decided to chase a smaller dog for three blocks. When I finally caught up with him, he laid down and refused to go anywhere. I had to carry my 80 pounds Labrador like a baby all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 309

You deserved it 7 470

Today, I learned that my anxious and obsessive mother is going to drive three hours every weekend to attend a Johns Hopkins medical course on stress reduction. Why is this bad? I just left home for college and have enjoyed my last two weeks of freedom without her around. I attend Johns Hopkins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 411

You deserved it 3 345

Today, I had my boss and his family over for dinner. Our kids played while waiting for dinner to be ready. Just as we were sitting to eat, our 8-year-olds ran out and my son says "Look at Baxter! I found underwear with a tail hole!" They had found my crotchless panties and put them on the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 834

You deserved it 12 574

Today, I had a DMV appointment I couldn’t miss. With my one year-old in the car, the anti theft system started going off and I couldn't get it to stop, so we just drove to the DMV with the car alarm going off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 174

Today, for some reason, I called my boss "Mum" in a meeting. To make it worse, I panicked and followed it up with, “Can I have a raise?” Everyone laughed except my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 442

Today, an old friend unblocked me. Two years ago, she blocked me with no explanation. I got a notification saying she followed me on Instagram. I asked a mutual friend, and they said, "Oh yeah, she broke up with her partner. I guess she’s going through it." So, she unblocked me because she’s lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 92