FML : Your everyday life stories

Funniest FMLs of the Day

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Congratulations. You played yourself.

Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By IguessFML - / Friday 20 October 2017 05:00 /

Rejection Hurts

Dating is so difficult these days...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By FML Approved - / Friday 20 October 2017 04:00 /

I agree, that was well spotted

You deserved it

By FML Approved - / Thursday 19 October 2017 21:00 / United States - New York

Today, I twisted my ankle and fractured my wrist while dancing. I audition for a performing arts school in one week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By thegreatcometofawayhamilton - / Friday 20 October 2017 01:48 /

These 24 “First of All” Tweets Are Brutal, Hilarious, And Perfect For Everyone Who Hates People

“First of all” is the new meme that’s taking over Twitter and it’s the verbal eye roll of people who’ve have had it up to here with...

By Nina - / Friday 20 October 2017 00:00 /

Cat Burglar!

Today, I found my lost cat. As I was hooking it up to a leash to get it in my car, a man approached and asked what I was doing. His kids alerted him that there was a woman stealing their cat from their front lawn. It was not my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Aimee Lutz - / Thursday 19 October 2017 22:00 /

When you run out of kibble...

Say it isn't so!

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By FML Approved - / Thursday 19 October 2017 20:30 /

World

Germany

Today, I have to defend my bachelor thesis, which took me 10 months to complete. Three weeks ago, a new technology was released that renders my entire work obsolete. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Thursday 19 October 2017 19:00 / Germany - Berlin

These 22 Pictures Are Guaranteed to Piss You Off At Least A Little

There are certain little things that you come across every now and then that are so frustrating, they make you yell at inanimate objects....

By Nina - / Thursday 19 October 2017 17:30 /

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he knew my middle and last name. He doesn't. We've been together almost six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "ev_lyn_aw" - / Thursday 19 October 2017 15:00 /

Not helping.

Today, my neighbor's pesky 7-year-old daughter, who is friends with the guy I really like, decided to help me with him. She used her phone to send him a picture of me. I was in the shower, completely naked and surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By child abused - / Thursday 19 October 2017 00:00 / United States - New York

C'est la langue de l'amour!

Today, my French teacher set up a role-play scenario to act out in front of the class. During one of my lines, I mispronounced a phrase and called my teacher sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Thursday 19 October 2017 05:00 /

Pop Quiz Day

No thanks.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By FML Approved - / Wednesday 18 October 2017 22:00 / United States - New York

I agree, that was well spotted

You deserved it

By FML Approved - / Wednesday 18 October 2017 21:00 / United States - New York

Today, the handle on our front door broke, leaving us unable to open it. We got a guy to come to sort it out, but all he succeeded in doing was completely wrecking the door. He says he can come back next week. We have no other way out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By ihaveissues - / Thursday 19 October 2017 01:30 /

30 Times People’s Petty Exes Tried Texting Them and Got Totally Dragged

After a breakup, there’s always an unofficial winner and loser. Here is a collection of losers whose desperate texts ended up getting...

By Nina - / Thursday 19 October 2017 00:00 / France - Paris

Today, after extensive tests due to pregnancy-related issues, I've been told my diet must change. I can no longer eat salt, sugar, gluten, or meat, and lactose is questionable. The doctor hopes it will end after the birth. Seven months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 18 October 2017 16:00 / United States - Indianapolis

Dog Jump Fail

Practice doesn't always make perfect!

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By FML Approved - / Wednesday 18 October 2017 15:10 / United States - New York

Today, a DNA test proved that my 2-month-old daughter isn't mine. The real father is my girlfriend's husband, whom she married last year when she lied to me about going on a vacation. We've been together for three years and I never knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Richard - / Wednesday 18 October 2017 13:23 / United States

One Woman Puts Hotel’s Pet Policy to the Test When She Brings Her Horse

Everyone gets sleepy on long road trips, including horses. So when one woman came across a hotel that allowed pets, she booked a room...

By Nina - / Wednesday 18 October 2017 17:30 / France - Paris

Today, I found out that I get incredibly, disgustingly ill if I eat anything before or during a flight. I discovered this 4 hours into a 23-hour flight to Greece. Only 19 hours of nausea to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By killmepls - / Wednesday 18 October 2017 14:00 / Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, I got a new title at work. My boss hyped it up and made it sound amazing, so I accepted. Come to find out it pays 20k less a year and is twice as much work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Tupac - / Wednesday 18 October 2017 05:00 /

Moving Walkway Fail

Follow your dreams, kids!

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By FML Approved - / Tuesday 17 October 2017 22:00 / United States - New York

World

United Kingdom

...but why?

Today, I got my period at school, so I went to the toilet to put in a tampon. Opening the packaging was really noisy, but I assumed the bathroom was empty. After hearing giggling from a group of girls, I waited until I thought they left. They waited for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 18 October 2017 00:30 / United Kingdom - Poole

This Man Burnt Down His Home After Attempting to Kill Spiders with A Blowtorch

Lots of people hate spiders, but not many people go to such great lengths to kill them. When one Arizona man decided to unleash the...

By Nina - / Wednesday 18 October 2017 00:00 /

Today, I found a 2-page letter nailed to the door of my car demanding that I break up with my girlfriend, Janet, so that a "real man" can date her instead. I’m a single straight woman and I don’t know anybody called Janet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By wait, what - / Tuesday 17 October 2017 21:00 / United Kingdom - Southampton

Dog Box Fail

Think outside the box!

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By FML Approved - / Tuesday 17 October 2017 14:30 / United States - New York

A Man Who Was Arrested After Police Mistook Krispy Kreme Glaze For Meth Gets $37,500 Settlement

Nearly two years after Florida police wrongly arrested Daniel Rushing for possession of what they thought was crystal meth, but was...

By Nina - / Tuesday 17 October 2017 18:00 /

Today, my 28-year-old brother screamed at me and outed me to our very religious, homophobic parents because I wouldn't let him shock his friend with an electric dog collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By notout - / Tuesday 17 October 2017 15:00 /

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 17 October 2017 06:00 / United States

FML

The Top

FML: Uncensored

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids....

FML: Uncensored

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It...

FML: Uncensored

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing...

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she...

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Nearly

Today a gasoline canister leaked in our work garage and filled my office with fumes. It got me high and nauseas even though I went out for air consistently....

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, I was so exhausted I slipped in the shower while standing perfecting still. I injured both elbows, my back, and my foot. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

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World

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Germany

Today, I have to defend my bachelor thesis, which took me 10 months to complete. Three weeks ago, a new technology was released that renders my entire...

United Kingdom

...but why?

Today, I got my period at school, so I went to the toilet to put in a tampon. Opening the packaging was really noisy, but I assumed the bathroom was empty....

See all the World FMLs

Photos

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Spicy

Not helping.

Today, my neighbor's pesky 7-year-old daughter, who is friends with the guy I really like, decided to help me with him. She used her phone to send him...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Spicy FMLs