By dogless - 15/10/2019 06:00 Creepy Today, at my surprise birthday party, my neighbor gave me a new dog collar. My dog was run over by him a week ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 176 You deserved it 7 7 1 13 2 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 04:00 Wakey Wakey! Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML I agree, your life sucks 258 You deserved it 32 5 2 21 4 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Boyufd - 15/10/2019 02:00 Too late Today, I bought a replacement ID after weeks looking for my old one and not finding it. When I got home, my brother said he'd found my ID. FML I agree, your life sucks 356 You deserved it 57 1 0 1 24 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Foreveralone - 15/10/2019 00:01 We're all that one person Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that that person is me. FML I agree, your life sucks 479 You deserved it 55 27 1 4 5 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ashley - 14/10/2019 22:00 Fire…? Today, two out of our three smoke detectors were going off. My grandpa won't call the fire department because he thinks our house will be condemned. The alarms are still going off. FML I agree, your life sucks 538 You deserved it 47 6 2 19 9 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Breezie - 14/10/2019 20:00 - United States Hi Zach! Today, at work, a customer commented that I look like Zach Galifianakis. I'm a girl. FML I agree, your life sucks 618 You deserved it 68 9 1 12 45 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 18:00 Fishing Today, I was looking at my boyfriend's rarely-used Facebook page as he was next to me. Last time he was online over a year ago, he had something up that said, "Still looking for that perfect girl." I jokingly said he should update it. He responded, "Why? It's still true." FML I agree, your life sucks 739 You deserved it 168 46 3 21 28 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 16:00 Mess incoming Today, my apartment management notified me that my water was going to be shut off all day so they could fix the plumbing. I took a laxative last night. FML I agree, your life sucks 819 You deserved it 71 7 3 40 35 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 14:00 - United States Paranoid much? Today, I got pushed around by several suspicious mothers in a playground. I just wanted to sit down and rest my feet while I waited for my wife to finish her shopping across the street. FML I agree, your life sucks 800 You deserved it 86 43 1 12 7 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00 Drunk hookup ends with a… bang Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML I agree, your life sucks 748 You deserved it 298 2 0 3 108 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kkmirw - 14/10/2019 05:00 Pissed Today, a colostomy bag exploded on me while I was waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yesterday, my shoes were peed on by a child while I was at work. FML I agree, your life sucks 1091 You deserved it 61 9 1 57 12 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Virginia6810 - 14/10/2019 02:00 Christmas is canceled Today, I got an email that my Amazon account was probably hacked, and they have gone ahead and canceled all orders that seemed suspicious. Two days ago I was celebrating that I'd finished Christmas shopping early. Never mind. FML I agree, your life sucks 1120 You deserved it 87 50 1 14 24 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DDboy - 13/10/2019 22:00 Going pro Today, I got yelled at by one of the managers at my store for tucking in my shirt in the crew room. She called it unprofessional and offensive. It was my first day. FML I agree, your life sucks 1112 You deserved it 95 43 4 21 14 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mystic Alan - 13/10/2019 19:00 FML's Weekly Horoscope - 13th of October 2019 Find out what embarrassing stuff the dumbass stars and planets have in store for you this week! 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By let ‘Er rip - 13/10/2019 16:00 The Sweet Smell of Success Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML I agree, your life sucks 1156 You deserved it 390 3 3 10 147 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Henry - 13/10/2019 13:00 How is that fair? Today, I was promoted as an auditor at an insurance company. After finding 9 compliance violations and over $15,000 returned incorrectly, I reported them to my manager. She blamed me for all the mistakes and fired me. These mistakes happened two years before I was employed with the company. FML I agree, your life sucks 1621 You deserved it 79 32 0 85 3 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fmyboss - 13/10/2019 07:00 People never learn Today, I was made fun of at work by my mom and my supervisor. I work at a kids' anti-bullying camp. FML I agree, your life sucks 1319 You deserved it 120 65 7 17 25 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kali - 13/10/2019 04:00 Say it ain't so, please Today, I went to go meet my boyfriend at a restaurant to tell him it just wasn't working out. Before I could do so, he proposed. I had to tell him no, so he started to cry and ran out. Everyone looked at me like some kind of monster. FML I agree, your life sucks 1420 You deserved it 250 71 4 29 20 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 13/10/2019 01:00 Thanks for that, dad! Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML I agree, your life sucks 1797 You deserved it 158 114 2 82 40 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yupimher - 12/10/2019 22:00 The long goodbye Today, I found out my job is trying to get me to quit. FML I agree, your life sucks 1285 You deserved it 106 26 2 54 7 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By still sore - 12/10/2019 19:00 Relax! Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML I agree, your life sucks 1656 You deserved it 129 26 5 32 61 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuck you sis - 12/10/2019 16:00 Loyalty card Today, my parents lectured me about the importance of family, and how forgiveness is necessary. This came after I stopped speaking to my sister. I cut her out of my life after she slept with a second boyfriend of mine. Apparently, it’s up to me to "be the bigger person." FML I agree, your life sucks 1745 You deserved it 93 86 4 50 11 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 13:00 Yelp Today, I was fired from my job as a waitress, all because someone complained there was too much seasoning in their food. As I said, I'm a waitress. This happened the same week I was hired. FML I agree, your life sucks 1476 You deserved it 71 19 3 58 8 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 06:00 Sounds reasonable Today, my 70 year-old mother complained about the patio window being dirty. I asked her why she couldn't clean it, or anything else in the house for that matter. I was informed she can't clean windows because she's not left handed. FML I agree, your life sucks 1254 You deserved it 158 15 4 8 110 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By deathparty352 - 12/10/2019 04:00 Unpleasant, but clean Today, I'd had enough of the excrement sticking in my butt hair. Now that I'm shaved, I feel my buttocks rubbing together. With every step. FML I agree, your life sucks 602 You deserved it 1078 18 4 19 107 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wouldn'tyouliketoknow - 12/10/2019 02:00 Sneaky moggie Today, my neighbours were screaming for their "lost" cat again. I've already seen the cat multiple times. In my garden. Pissing. FML I agree, your life sucks 1232 You deserved it 87 12 4 5 63 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 00:01 Happy Feet Today, an old lady rear ended my car the light. Her explanation was, "It's a new car, and when I take my foot off the break, it just rolls forward all on its own! I don't know what's wrong with it!" FML I agree, your life sucks 1373 You deserved it 78 22 4 19 76 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Grinsporked - 11/10/2019 22:00 Bankers! Today, after talking to the bank, I'd have to take a pay cut to qualify for a home loan. I'm still confused. FML I agree, your life sucks 1318 You deserved it 95 15 2 74 8 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nasuma - 11/10/2019 20:00 Alexa, play "Guess I'm Dumb" by Glen Campbell Today, I took a legitimate IQ test and got a score of 80. My parents both have IQ scores above Einstein’s. FML I agree, your life sucks 1152 You deserved it 233 26 3 10 71 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alan - 11/10/2019 18:00 FML's Favorite Funny Fuck-Ups of the Week! Here's a bunch of people (and animals) fucking up, or just not understanding how the world works. Relatable stuff, probably. 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, my adult daughter told me if she was ever blessed with a daughter, she already had a name chosen. She said she loved the sound of it, and most people... I agree, your life sucks 24 You deserved it 3 1 Comments
Today, I went to the city to help my grandma move/have a sale. While I was busy helping someone, some jerkoff stole my wallet. To make matters worse, when... I agree, your life sucks 39 You deserved it 1 0 Comments
Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in... I agree, your life sucks 1428 You deserved it 568 4 Comments
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood.... I agree, your life sucks 1330 You deserved it 235 21 Comments
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