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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

#21523219
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6745) - you deserved it (548)

On 02/05/2016 at 10:24pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

#21523215
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6182) - you deserved it (581)

On 02/05/2016 at 10:11pm - misc - by cuntingbitchofawhore - United States (Indiana)

Today, my now ex-boyfriend accused me of wanting to screw his 11-year-old brother, all because I expressed interest in going to his birthday party. FML

#21523204
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6296) - you deserved it (431)

On 02/05/2016 at 9:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

#21523193
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9465) - you deserved it (914)

On 02/05/2016 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

#21523192
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9459) - you deserved it (992)

On 02/05/2016 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by myusofwe (woman) - Puerto Rico

kangx1's comment : Maybe it was his first time and he was overly nervous? Don't be too hard on him OP as for the sticking his limp dick inside you lmao FYL

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Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

#21523145
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11721) - you deserved it (1516)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:55pm - misc - by Alex - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my cat shoved his claw up my nose and got it stuck there. FML

#21523143
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11392) - you deserved it (1004)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:51pm - animals - by ReiracsNeve - United States (Florida)

Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML

#21523112
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12709) - you deserved it (1461)

On 02/05/2016 at 3:33pm - misc - by UUUGHHH (woman) - Sent from mobile version

kelciimackk's comment : Does he work at Booger King? I'm sorry for making a joke, it snot funny.

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Today, I worked up the confidence to go to the mall alone for the first time since being confined to a wheelchair. It didn't even take 20 minutes before some teenager grabbed my wheelchair and tried to race me around, all while his friends watched and laughed. FML

#21523102
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16619) - you deserved it (754)

On 02/05/2016 at 3:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

AznLuvsMusic's comment : What a bunch of disrespectful pieces of shit. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, OP.

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Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML

#21523085
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10674) - you deserved it (2992)

On 02/05/2016 at 2:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML

#21523050
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16762) - you deserved it (1610)

On 02/05/2016 at 11:36am - work - by Coccinelle - France

Today, my dogs somehow pulled the water spigot off the wall in my backyard. I now have my own private lake. FML

#21523045
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13177) - you deserved it (1079)

On 02/05/2016 at 11:07am - misc - by Hreid254 - United States (Texas)

Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML

#21523010
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14626) - you deserved it (1862)

On 02/05/2016 at 7:37am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)



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