Your everyday life stories

343

Today, I wore crotchless panties to bed and my boyfriend didn't notice. It's been 10 months since we've had sex. FML

By Anonymous - 7/7/2020 02:02

I need it

478

Today, my boss came to my desk and asked me how the work is going, then he just walked away in the middle of me explaining a problem in the project. When I wanted to make an appointment with his secretary, she told me he isn't going to have any time this and next week. FML

By Di Da - 6/7/2020 23:02

Ghosted

516

Today, I woke up and stepped on a wet jacket. After smelling what it was, it turns out the cat had peed all over my laundry, especially the waterproof jacket, and after attempting to clean it up, it dripped everywhere and the entire apartment now smells like cat piss now. FML

By Anonymous - 6/7/2020 20:03

Tidy your room

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Today, I confessed my feelings to my best friend, how I'm deeply in love with him. The consequence wasn't good, as he told we should never talk to each other again. FML

By Anonymous - 6/7/2020 17:02

Loss

783

Today, while caring for my drunk girlfriend, she confessed that she cheated on me 3 different times with my sister. Now I know why they are always spending time together. FML

By Lennie Mcfish - 6/7/2020 14:02

Bosom buddies

940

Today, I discovered that my work's new phone system automatically takes people off hold the very second you pick up the phone. I discovered this after picking up the phone and complaining to my workmates about the annoying customer I had on the line for a full minute, all while he listened. FML

By Anonymous - 6/7/2020 08:02

Hold the line

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Today, in the process of leaning over the sink to close the drain so my diamond earrings wouldn't fall in as I put them on, I dropped my diamond earring down the drain. FML

By Anonymous - 6/7/2020 05:01

The road to hell, good intentions, all that jazz

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Today, after a month of things going wrong in my life and finally getting better, I woke up refreshed and ready to face the day. Then, I fell down the stairs. FML

By Anonymous - 6/7/2020 02:02

Best foot forward

958

Today, after I got wasted about 5 months ago and lost my virginity to a total bitch I used to work with and regretted it straight away, this morning she texts me that she’s pregnant, and that I should probably get an STD screening because she also just found out she has gonorrhoea. FML

By Anonymous - 5/7/2020 23:01

Don't shoot the messenger

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Today, I woke up and got out of my room to find two pit bulls viciously tearing up my couch. I have never owned a dog and I live alone. FML

By Brad - 5/7/2020 20:01

Home invasion

1237

Today, I went to visit my grandma at her old folks’ home. The soup she got for lunch was cold so I took it to the dining room to heat it up. As I put it in the microwave, a slow clap started behind me. I had to stand and wait for soup to heat while being wolf-whistled by a bunch of grandpas. FML

By ewww - 5/7/2020 17:01

Got game

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Today, my future sister-in-law, who hasn’t even been engaged a week, informed everyone that the wedding is December 19, which is the due date of my first child. My brother won’t change the date and is making my family choose between his wedding or being at the hospital with me. FML

By KelseNM - 5/7/2020 14:02

Just No

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Today, I texted my mom and told her I'm pregnant and she responded with, "I can’t respond to this right now." So she and my dad are disappointed in me. None of my other siblings were married or even engaged before having their kids. I’m 23, engaged, and own my own house. I don’t see the problem. FML

By Anonymous - 5/7/2020 08:31

Mysterious disappointment

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This is my post, and my parents have never supported me in anything in life. They weren’t happy about my engagement, I knew they weren’t gonna be happy about my pregnancy, so to save to the argument I did it over text. I have since miscarried.

cheyennejocelyn Say more :

By Anonymous - 5/7/2020 08:01

Gamergate

Today, after I bought a gaming system two days ago, for too much money, to distract myself from all the horrible things going on in my life and the world, it broke. So now I’m trying to distract myself from the thing I bought to distract myself. FML

775

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Today, while I was driving around the neighborhood, I passed my neighbors' house only to see their dog with a full-grown dead cat in its mouth. Only one family owns a cat in our neighborhood. FML

By Anonymous - 5/7/2020 05:02

Bye bye Tiddles

949

Today, I've loved for years that my boyfriend works at an animal shelter, but I learned from his coworker that he’s the guy that puts the animals to sleep, full time, sometimes 30 a day. Now I’m disgusted to sit in the same room as him, because he always says he loves his job. FML

By Anonymous - 5/7/2020 02:00

Killing in the name of

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Today, and for the last week, I've been dreaming only to wake up when my dream-self commits suicide. I'm generally a happy person, so I've no idea why my subconscious is killing me so often. This time, I stuck my face in an industrial-size blender. I can still feel my jaw rattling from the impact. FML

By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 23:03

Dead to me

1117

Today, my wife is grumpy because our son has his first girlfriend and she feels like she’s been replaced. Our son is 32 and surely it’s about damn time. FML

By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 20:00

More issues than Vogue

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Today, after three weeks of suffering from COVID, I returned to work. I met with my boss, and was written up for absenteeism. Oh, and we're closing early because there are ongoing riots. Oh, and we lost the contract and I'm unemployed in three weeks. FML

By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 17:01

Marxism intensifies

1212

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years complained about having to jack off for IVF. We haven't had sex in 9 months, I have to take hormone injections, and I'm jealous of his own hand. FML

By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 14:01

Great time to try for a kid

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Today, my four-year-old son asked me for a "boobie hug" in Walmart. It's something his dad thinks is cute and I've just gotten used to, so I hugged him without question. From the other end of the aisle, a strange man asked, "Can I have one too?" FML

By FayBerry88 - 4/7/2020 08:08

People of Walmart

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Today, I had a date at a formal restaurant I'm well known at. My date showed up two and a half hours late with a jogging suit on, and then got mad at me for ordering, eating, and paying without him. FML

By Greenpuppy416 - 4/7/2020 05:02

Bad date #3764

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Today, I found out I was qualified to go to a magnet school. My mom threw the papers away, claiming she thinks I shouldn't be with "rich and snobby" people. She grew up as a rich snob and has a fortune waiting for her when her parents die, and she brags about it. FML

By batman - 4/7/2020 02:02

How do magnets work?

1255

Today, I visited a friend and her new baby. The baby had a tight constrictive headband and a clearly wet cloth nappy on. I tried to give some friendly advice on why this was bad, but she shot me down, saying what would I know, I don't have a kid. She's 17 and I'm a 26-year-old practicing midwife. FML

By babydoc - 3/7/2020 23:00

Friendly advice

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Today, I got my language final exam back. It was a 10-page essay front and back, and I saw that I received a D. The teacher told me the plot was too hard to follow and it jumped all over the place. It turns out he forgot to read the back of every page. FML

By df22 - 3/7/2020 20:08

Graded

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Today, my mom read online you could train cats to relieve themselves in the toilet. Without reading any further, she took away the litter tray. My house reeks of cat piss and shit, and she still refuses to give the cat its litter tray back, insisting it'll work eventually. FML

By catlady'sdaughter - 3/7/2020 17:01

Needs more training

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Today, I'm so bored during quarantine that I'm looking forward to the virtual doctor's appointment I made for next week, about the potential erectile dysfunction I might have. I'm also 22 years-old. FML

By Anonymous - 3/7/2020 14:02

Boredom

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Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML

By Anonymous - 3/7/2020 08:01

Protection

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