By Anonymous - 20/9/2021 05:00 Best I can do is… Today, while working in my pawn shop, I was showing jewelry to a distinguished lady. I had to fart. I tried to wait. It was too much, so I let it slip silently. As she handled a $2000 necklace, I realized that the 2-foot counter between us would never save her from the foul poisonous cloud that had formed. She realized it too. FML I agree, your life sucks 71 You deserved it 46 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 20/9/2021 01:00 - United Kingdom Pay up Today, I tripped and hit my head on a rock, perforating my eardrum. That rock also broke. It was a €3000 headstone I now have to pay for. FML I agree, your life sucks 211 You deserved it 27 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Thatonecosplayer - 19/9/2021 23:00 You just don't get it, dad Today, my father grilled me a little bit for making a print for a cosplay on my $600 FDM printer. Why? Because he "bought the printer for me to make money and not for cosplay" I’m a professional cosplayer who runs a cosplay prop shop. This was for work purposes. FML I agree, your life sucks 303 You deserved it 21 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/9/2021 19:59 - South Africa - Cape Town Winner Today, after a lot of effort put into it and finally getting a scholarship, they emailed me saying they can't afford to fund me because they were impacted by the pandemic. I'd already denied other scholarship offers because theirs was the best offer. FML I agree, your life sucks 475 You deserved it 40 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AnonThoughts - 19/9/2021 17:00 Single life Today, I'm single again, after my now ex attacked my best friend out of jealousy, forcing me to choose between 25 years of friendship and 3 months of a relationship. FML I agree, your life sucks 481 You deserved it 49 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Spanish Steps - 19/9/2021 07:59 - Spain Alexa, play "Just Make it Stop" by Low Today, I got stoned with the clowns at the birthday party I took my niece to. This is a new low point. FML I agree, your life sucks 138 You deserved it 507 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lol - 19/9/2021 11:00 No warning Today, despite leaving early to go to work, I still ended up late because some dude decided to have an argument with the bus driver, delaying us by 20 minutes. As a result, I was fired without a write-up. This was my first ever time being late. FML I agree, your life sucks 661 You deserved it 33 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jenni - 19/9/2021 08:00 Our internet works fine, dumbass Today, I found out my son has been ditching his Zoom classes. He claims he couldn’t connect because of "technical difficulties." I can’t believe he seriously expected me to believe that. FML I agree, your life sucks 480 You deserved it 63 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mystery - 19/9/2021 05:00 Thief! Today, my mom blocked me on everything, kicked me out of her house, and declared that I'm "dead to her." Why? She ordered a package, but it never came. I’m still trying to process how that could possibly be my fault. FML I agree, your life sucks 641 You deserved it 27 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/9/2021 19:00 - United States - Steele Landlords need love too Today, I started my weekend right… outside my grandmother's house, trying to repair her yard. The senile landlord came by and trashed it. This isn't the first time. He's pushing 90 years-old, so it's hard to tell if he has dementia or if he's doing it on purpose. All I want to know is, why hasn't he retired? FML I agree, your life sucks 545 You deserved it 22 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Renee Simard - 18/9/2021 23:00 Push through the pain barrier Today, despite being unable to stand for more than a few minutes at a time or walk farther than a few hundred feet, the doctor told me to begin doing 30 minutes of non-stop exercise everyday. He literally said, “Don’t stop for 30 minutes everyday.” FML I agree, your life sucks 480 You deserved it 117 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By D Flower - 18/9/2021 13:00 - United States - Chicago Serial killer vibes Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making the bed, at 2 AM. And he wasn't so much making the bed as he was holding a pillow while lost in thought, looking at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 560 You deserved it 62 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/9/2021 00:30 - Australia - Mypolonga Kitchen nightmares Today, I dropped my phone in the frying pan whilst cooking my steak. I had to rinse off the oil immediately and clean the phone, then had to eat a cold steak. FML I agree, your life sucks 200 You deserved it 674 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I'mmessedup - 18/9/2021 07:00 - United States - Marion Alexa, play "Fast Cars" by Buzzcocks Today, I wonder about my mental and emotional state as I didn't react whatsoever to a semi that started to pull out in front of my speeding Camaro. If he hadn't seen me, and stopped, I would not be alive to post this. FML I agree, your life sucks 465 You deserved it 208 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Weightlosshereicome - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Oxford Can't filter that Today, Snapchat thought my double chin was a mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 15514 You deserved it 4543 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/9/2021 11:00 Wokescolds gonna wokescold Today, I was accused of digital black face and cultural appropriating my own culture. FML I agree, your life sucks 565 You deserved it 44 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/9/2021 08:00 Feed me with your kiss Today, while having missionary sex, my girl was reaching a climax. She kept screaming a bunch of things like, “Yes!”, “Don’t stop!”, “Keep going.” Well, at least until a giant booger fell straight from my nose into her mouth. Then the only thing she was screaming was that I needed to leave. FML I agree, your life sucks 931 You deserved it 454 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SickAndTired - 18/9/2021 05:00 Tough choice Today, I have an acute URI and acute bronchitis. The cough syrup works amazingly well to stop the coughing, but if I take the cough syrup it gives me insomnia. So I get to choose: do I want to spend all night coughing, or spend all night tossing and turning? FML I agree, your life sucks 621 You deserved it 43 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/9/2021 02:01 - Belgium - Lint Pee is stored in the balls Today, I learned two things: first, that a bladder infection may spread to your testicles, and second, that the first does not excuse you from work. FML I agree, your life sucks 643 You deserved it 52 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 17/9/2021 22:00 - United Kingdom He's such a character! Today, I was called a judgemental bitch by my family for not letting my son back home after his release from prison, forgetting that none of them want to house him either, considering he did run me over with my car he was stealing to pay his debts to his drug dealer/prostitute provider. FML I agree, your life sucks 894 You deserved it 39 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Buzzing Confusion - 17/9/2021 13:00 - United States - Chicago Us neither, dude Today, I found out that the mother of my children named her vibrator after me. We are together and have not had sex in over 18 months. I have no idea what to do with this information. FML I agree, your life sucks 850 You deserved it 132 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By annoyed - 17/9/2021 08:00 - United States It's a valid lifestyle! Today, my friends and I were finally able to meet up for lunch, amidst all of our busy schedules. We had fun talking and catching up about marriage, kids and careers. One friend decided to cause a huge scene though, because apparently we didn’t take her being a stay at home “dog mom” seriously. FML I agree, your life sucks 765 You deserved it 96 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Monkey - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States That's one way to start the weekend Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML I agree, your life sucks 55971 You deserved it 3047 140 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hi! - 17/9/2021 14:00 Buckethead Today, I called in sick for the first time. My boss said that if I didn’t show up, not only would he fire me, but he’d make sure I never find another job for the rest of my life. So I showed up to work with a bucket, puking every five minutes. My boss still made me stay the full nine hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 1402 You deserved it 97 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 17/9/2021 13:59 - Netherlands Sweet Sixteen Today, it's my 16th birthday. My parents forgot about it, and planned a weekend out of town. I was alone on my birthday. FML I agree, your life sucks 808 You deserved it 57 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 17/9/2021 11:00 I wish! Today, my sister saw an empty bottle of squirty cream in my bedroom, and now her and my siblings keep teasing me about how I must have a really kinky sex life. Truth is, I ate the cream by myself with cake, chocolate and biscuits, because I was depressed about it actually being 2 years since I had sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 623 You deserved it 145 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 17/9/2021 08:04 Timing is key Today, we live in a society where an Uber Eats order arrives a lot faster than the authorities. To make things worse, the Uber Eats order arrives screwed up as well. FML I agree, your life sucks 576 You deserved it 83 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ThunderTh0t - 16/9/2021 23:00 - Australia Great name Today, I forgot that I gave my Bluetooth speaker a ridiculous device name as a joke when I'd first got it. It's all fun and games until you're around your family and they see the device name "ScoobyDooCumMilk" and are trying to figure out whose device it is. FML I agree, your life sucks 204 You deserved it 902 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Heather Scurfield - 17/9/2021 01:00 - United Kingdom - Witney Food for thought Today, it's my birthday. Since I knew I would be spending it alone, I treated myself to a full cooked Scottish Breakfast. Just as I was plating up, I got carried away and my black pudding slipped out of my tongs and directly into my cat's litter tray. FML I agree, your life sucks 672 You deserved it 162 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 16/9/2021 23:00 Creepy roommates #56 Today, I awoke to a strange feeling on my feet. It felt like a tongue, so at first thought it was the dog, but we don't have one. I looked down and it was my roommate. FML I agree, your life sucks 993 You deserved it 51 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I was screamed at for bleeding onto my sheets. Not only am I always irregular by several weeks, but I have also never had a PMS symptom in my life.... I agree, your life sucks 20 You deserved it 1 2 Comments
Today, I keep a sort of journal, containing both a diary of important events and my correspondence with friends and family. Or, that’s what it used to... I agree, your life sucks 19 You deserved it 4 0 Comments
Today, while having missionary sex, my girl was reaching a climax. She kept screaming a bunch of things like, “Yes!”, “Don’t stop!”, “Keep going.” Well,... I agree, your life sucks 931 You deserved it 454 2 Comments
Today, I learned two things: first, that a bladder infection may spread to your testicles, and second, that the first does not excuse you from work. FML I agree, your life sucks 643 You deserved it 52 3 Comments