By thehaystackerine - 1/3/2020 12:00 Asshole Design Today, I bought a slice of pizza at my favorite gas station. Upon opening the box, I found that the lone piece of pepperoni visible through the window on the box was in fact the only piece on the whole slice. FML I agree, your life sucks 15 You deserved it 8 0 0 0 1 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 29/2/2020 20:00 May be Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML I agree, your life sucks 505 You deserved it 40 9 3 31 13 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 29/2/2020 14:00 Why I did that? Today, I was trying to shave down there. I'm about 6 months pregnant, and I can't see past my belly. I ended up scaring the crap out of myself into thinking I was miscarrying until my baby kicked and I realized I had just accidentally cut myself with the razor. FML I agree, your life sucks 588 You deserved it 384 9 3 17 42 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 29/2/2020 05:00 Bad encounter Today, while finishing shopping with my kids, my female best friend and I were accosted by a called street preacher. He screamed that we were an abomination, having biracial children was a sin against nature and we were ruining America. Not only we are not gay and he made my kids cry. FML I agree, your life sucks 930 You deserved it 88 18 2 56 8 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 28/2/2020 01:00 Not a girl, not yet a woman Today, I got a very accusatory phone call from my daughter's teacher. According to my daughter, I absolutely refuse to let her eat in the morning. In reality, I told her it’s her responsibility to get herself up and get breakfast on her own before we leave. My daughter is 17 years old. FML I agree, your life sucks 1532 You deserved it 115 20 5 36 76 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 27/2/2020 20:00 Completely wet Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 507 You deserved it 1327 13 5 16 67 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 27/2/2020 18:00 Not really a good idea Today, I decide to let my boyfriend introduce food into our sex life, then a few days after we used melted chocolate I got a UTI. I’ve never had a UTI before in my life so I’m blaming him for the fact it feels like I’m peeing needles dipped in acid. FML I agree, your life sucks 575 You deserved it 1196 21 2 9 59 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 26/2/2020 20:00 No thanks Today, I ask the guy that I like if he want to go to lunch tomorrow at a local restaurant. He answer that he doesn't like their food. I think that's is a no. FML I agree, your life sucks 1086 You deserved it 215 80 5 6 13 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 25/2/2020 22:00 Her revenge Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She then proceeded to ask for all the gifts she gave me for Christmas back. FML I agree, your life sucks 1169 You deserved it 509 29 6 21 74 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 26/2/2020 01:00 Nothing Today, I realized that I'm on the top of not having my drivers license/ state ID (I was submitting my taxes and needed it) I also threw away my brand new passport because I thought it was trash in my boyfriends car. FML I agree, your life sucks 368 You deserved it 1824 17 5 14 64 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 25/2/2020 20:00 Fight Club Today, my girlfriend asked how I was feeling, because I’ve been feeling down and experiencing a lot of anxiety lately. I said was feeling a lot better and that I finally think I’m on my way to getting well. She didn't agree, and started a fight about it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1380 You deserved it 122 77 5 28 20 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 25/2/2020 14:00 Knock out Today, I treated myself to a Thai massage. The masseuse was so aggressive and intense, she left me with injuries on my hands and back. I paid $60 for someone to hurt me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1261 You deserved it 256 21 4 43 66 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 24/2/2020 18:00 I miss him Today, after a 6 month dry spell, my husband was yet again “too tired” to have sex. I guess I finally found something I miss about my ex. FML I agree, your life sucks 1671 You deserved it 291 116 4 8 37 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 23/2/2020 20:00 That's a mother Today, my mom and I got into a fight about a topic we agreed on. Seems like we're destined to never get along. FML I agree, your life sucks 2237 You deserved it 270 77 11 11 122 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 24/2/2020 02:00 Incomprehensible Today, I arrived in Tokyo and went to stay overnight in a teeny airport cabin hotel with shared bathroom facilities. I used the little wicker baskets to put my clothes on and when I came out of the shower, I found someone had stolen my favorite top. Who steals dirty clothes?! FML I agree, your life sucks 2614 You deserved it 292 117 6 43 58 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 23/2/2020 01:00 Very good remedy Today, after suffering with anxiety and insomnia for a nearly a year and exhausting every natural remedy, I could think of, I finally decided to go to a Dr. for help. Instead of writing me a prescription, he told me to drink more teas and think happy thoughts. I had to pay out of pocket for this. FML I agree, your life sucks 1634 You deserved it 171 92 3 39 33 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 22/2/2020 20:00 Too dry Today, I spent the evening with my new wife at the doctor’s because she thought she had a UTI. The doctor sent the nurse to talk to us because he was too embarrassed to tell us that we just needed to use more lube. FML I agree, your life sucks 1473 You deserved it 288 12 6 6 225 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 22/2/2020 18:00 My dear neighbor Today, I had a very sweet and romantic love note brutally scratched into the door of my brand new car. It was addressed to Cindy. Cindy lives next door. FML I agree, your life sucks 1667 You deserved it 89 9 3 118 27 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 21/2/2020 14:00 No chance Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML I agree, your life sucks 1239 You deserved it 745 34 7 5 114 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 21/2/2020 01:00 The innocence of children Today, my 5 year old stabbed me in the back with a pencil because I stole her nose and wouldn’t give it back. My daughter has been sulking now for 3 hours and refuses to breathe until she has her nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 1406 You deserved it 467 15 2 27 172 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 20/2/2020 18:00 So shite Today, my date left the restaurant because I didn’t agree with his opinions about the mentally disabled or mixed race couples, etc. Basically, a real scumbag. He also left me the bill, and it turned out he had all the most expensive menu items, including a £120 bottle of wine. It cost over £300 total. FML I agree, your life sucks 1796 You deserved it 252 21 5 131 21 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 20/2/2020 14:00 My alarm Today, yet again, I woke up at the sound of my parents having sex like apes, and couldn't get back to sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 1603 You deserved it 186 11 4 30 135 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 20/2/2020 01:00 It's just me Today, I stopped by my elderly mother’s house to drop off some groceries. I decided to clean the place while I was there, just to be nice. In true Three Bears fashion, I fell asleep on the couch. I was awoken by a police officer pointing his gun at me. My mom woke up and thought I was a burglar. FML I agree, your life sucks 1706 You deserved it 172 9 3 39 133 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 19/2/2020 20:00 Just once Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 1621 You deserved it 150 39 4 11 94 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/2/2020 14:00 Pissed Today, I went to the hospital, which was super busy. I did a pee test when I first arrived. After 5 hours of waiting, they told me they'd lost my pee. How do you lose someone's piss? FML I agree, your life sucks 1476 You deserved it 102 15 7 15 100 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 19/2/2020 01:00 Don't care Today, I realized that I'm a horrible uncle, I have two nephews and I don't know their age nor birthday. They are twins. FML I agree, your life sucks 617 You deserved it 1349 20 5 14 106 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/2/2020 14:00 Bad liar Today, I was supposed to see my boyfriend for his birthday. He said his parents were coming down and it may not be a good time for us to really enjoy each other. Last night I saw a picture of him feeding popcorn to baby llamas with his drunk stoner friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 1417 You deserved it 185 27 7 12 102 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 17/2/2020 18:00 When karma does its job Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML I agree, your life sucks 708 You deserved it 3932 20 14 38 292 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 16/2/2020 14:00 Oh gosh Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML I agree, your life sucks 1227 You deserved it 562 10 2 11 109 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Thescarlettfox - 16/2/2020 01:00 Monster in my bathroom Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 1229 You deserved it 750 7 6 8 156 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
I was at the financial aid officethe other day... I looked over and saw someone, who looked exactly like my ex-wife did the last time I was with her, and... I agree, your life sucks 51 You deserved it 13 0 Comments
Today someone broke into my locker and blamed something on me, I got called to the principal's office and I was in trouble for "having drugs on school... I agree, your life sucks 64 You deserved it 7 0 Comments
Today, I decide to let my boyfriend introduce food into our sex life, then a few days after we used melted chocolate I got a UTI. I’ve never had a UTI... I agree, your life sucks 575 You deserved it 1196 6 Comments
Today, after a 6 month dry spell, my husband was yet again “too tired” to have sex. I guess I finally found something I miss about my ex. FML I agree, your life sucks 1671 You deserved it 291 27 Comments
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