All the FMLs

Wrong sort of doctoring

By Rude, but right - 10/08/2022 09:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my dad went to the doctor to find out if he is autistic. When we walked in, the doctor asked why he wasn't testing if he was diabetic, effectively calling my dad fat. My dad was deeply offended, so I gave that jackass doctor an earful. But as it turns out, he was correct. My dad does have diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 27

Freak scene

By Anonymous - 10/08/2022 14:00

Today, I have never been more disgusted at my daughter. She was on her phone and almost walked in front of a bus, until a man with some kind of facial disfigurement pulled her back. She called the poor man a "freak" and not to touch her, and he started crying. I'm ashamed to think she is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 46

ER time

By sero - 10/08/2022 04:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I cut my hand on nothing while at work. It bled so much, I began to feel woozy, and everyone kept brushing me off when I asked where the first aid kits were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 21

Freak out

By Anonymous - 10/08/2022 10:00

Today, we got on the plane for our honeymoon and her parents were on the same damn plane, going to the same spa resort, in the room next door, and my wife has the nerve to tell me it was a coincidence. How we supposed to get our sexy freak on, sharing a bedroom wall with her repressed mother? FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 31

HELLO?

By wooowmom - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I learned that if I don't give my mom attention immediately after she calls my name, she will throw a baseball at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 751

You deserved it 10 713

Drugs are bad

By KookieLove666 - 10/08/2022 06:00

Today, my pill-popping mom, committing disability fraud and stealing from me, called the cops on me, and dragged the landlord into it, is now getting both of us evicted. All this because she'd rather live homeless with her drug problem than to get the help she needs, which I can't provide anymore after 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 31

It's how dey make dah mahnee

By Anonymous - 10/08/2022 04:00

Today, working in PR, I've been unable to attend 2 out of 3 of my booked tours. That "non-refundable, zero excuses" policy with the billion dollar online activities provider has me out $400. So, instead of enjoying what should be a beautiful PR birthday trip, I'm online now scheduling returns of clothes and jewelry to cover the losses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 190

Egg mode?

By Juan Venada - 09/08/2022 19:00 - Mexico - Ciudad De México

Today, I'm a 35 year-old man, and I'm moving in with my girlfriend soon. I have two options, get rid of all my lingerie, or tell her I love to wear it underneath my regular clothes, garter, and stockings included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 469

I don't wanna, I don't think so

By Anonymous - 10/08/2022 00:00

Today, I had to fire an employee for the first time in my life. She broke something that keeps breaking on its own, but she didn't report it. HR made me fire her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 53

Injury meet insult

By hystcheria - 09/08/2022 16:00 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I shattered my ankle while mountain biking with my boyfriend. As I lay writhing on the ground, waiting for the ambulance, he traced the outline of my thigh and said, "You should get this suctioned out while you're in the hospital." FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 75

Lame!

By 12345678910 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Buffalo

Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 316

You deserved it 4 363

How the turntables…

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 18:00

Today, I caught my boyfriend with a prostitute. The prostitute actually got mad at me for yelling at him, because the few times he’s hired her, all he asked for was talking and cuddling, never sex. Her advice was I need to step up my emotional intimacy, because he’s clearly not getting it from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 1 086

Stuck

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 10:00 - Australia

Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 72

Not funny

By Notacheat - 09/08/2022 08:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, a third person in my husband's family made a comment insinuating that our children aren't my husband's. I have never cheated on him, they are 100% his, and look just like him. I'm not sure if they are joking and rude, or serious and stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 61

How could you be so selfish?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 12:00

Today, my sister asked me to babysit so they could have date night, AKA sex without children in the house. I have a major surgery tomorrow and am in no fit mental state for three children under 10, so I said no. She called me an inconsiderate prick and slammed my door, breaking the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 58

Obligatory joke about Alabama

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 10:00

Today, my son has to go live with my brother, because he got his half-sister pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 171

Cost effective

By apawn - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I had the option of choosing a train or a plane to get to my destination. The train was cheaper but took 4 hours longer, so I picked the plane. My flight was delayed, so I essentially paid more to arrive later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 000

You deserved it 1 886

What's your excuse?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 06:00

Today, I'm in a legal dispute with my neighbour, but he uses his autism as an excuse for being an asshole. I know people with autism much worse than his who are the nicest people, but this guy uses it like a get-out-of-jail free card, especially in front of police, or whenever we go to court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 57

CARS!

By hatenicknames - 09/08/2022 04:00

Today, I was moving in with a housemate who was fixing his car outside. First, my dad was helping me move, but got distracted by the car, then my boyfriend came to help and also got distracted by the car. I've been moving everything by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 98

No notice

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. Before we finished, we were interrupted by my ex dropping my daughter off with no notice. In my rush to answer the door, I hopped off my boyfriend. The condom came off inside me. After a few minutes of feeling around, I pulled the condom out, and discovered I was on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 167

Cat mojo

By Oww - 09/08/2022 00:00

Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 105

Deez nuts

By I hate my skin - 08/08/2022 14:59 - United States

Today, I have a massive boil on my genitals. I can't move, sit, or do anything without it flaring up. It's basically a constant dull pain on my nuts that gets worse when I move. No, I do not have genital warts, I just have horrible skin problems. This isn't the first time it's happened, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 62

Dental practice

By urbantrashcan - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dentist and his hygienist were flirting while they worked on my mouth. I didn't really mind, however I definitely minded when the hygienist pierced my gum with her tool because she was laughing at one of his jokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 371

You deserved it 1 480

Sniffer dog

By Anonymous - 08/08/2022 18:00

Today, after a guy I really liked and we decided to have sex, and he gagged and told me I stank when he got 'down there', I broke up with him, badly, but it's now a week later and I’m in hospital with a severe infection down there. He was right, and now he won’t take me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 1 214

Unusual diagnosis method

By Anonymous - 08/08/2022 16:00

Today, after my brother punched me in the balls a few weeks ago, and while I was clutching myself in pain I actually felt a hard lump on the right testicle, I got the results: it’s cancer but survivable if they remove the testicle. I had to thank my brother for saving me by punching me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 79

You're grounded!

By Break A Leg - 08/08/2022 14:00

Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 97

A bit harsh

By amy - 08/08/2022 12:00

Today, my six-year-old son called to say he was suspended from school for drawing some “pretty flowers.” Confused as to why that would warrant punishment, I took a look and they were swastikas. He’s inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 83

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do

By Anonymous - 08/08/2022 04:00 - Canada - Garson

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He said it was because he wanted to 'do his own thing'. So gaming 24/7 like he has for the past two years of our relationship, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 148

Self confidence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents and I were looking through old photos. My dad comments, "Wow you were chubby back then. But that's ok, it was baby fat." Then he turns to me and asks, "What's your excuse now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 942

You deserved it 11 486

No, not like that

By God damn it son - 08/08/2022 04:00

Today, after my 10 year-old son asked what equal rights were and I'd explained it means you treat everyone the same, this morning he punched a girl who's been bullying him so hard, he broke her tooth, because, "Equal rights: if she was a boy I'd have hit her before, but equal rights says it doesn't matter if she's a girl, so I hit her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 525

Nearly

Today, I was at the movie theater, and an attractive woman was working the concession stand. She was so beautiful, I accidentally tripped over my tongue and asked for cop porn instead of popcorn. I was so embarrassed that I left immediately. I don't think I'm ever going to a movie theater again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 24

Today, it's my favorite grandpa's memorial. I live on a different continent and couldn't afford the flight ticket since he passed away 8 years ago, I couldn't even visit his grave, and never got to say goodbye. I miss him so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 7

Spicy

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 31

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 1 086