By deadman - 25/5/2020 02:00 Creeped out Today, my mom came in my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Out of pure instinct, from hours of doing this to my girlfriend in this exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother-son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go" before I let her leave. FML I agree, your life sucks 59 You deserved it 109 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 23:00 Bad news Today, I was hanging out with my friends and my sister, we were all wasted and I was making jokes. My sister then gets a phone call, I leave the room to get a drink and I hear everyone go a bit silent I come back in and all of the sudden everyone looks at me. My friend says, "Um… I'm so sorry, your mom passed." FML I agree, your life sucks 401 You deserved it 28 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tryingtohelp - 24/5/2020 20:00 Good samaritain Today, I heard my downstairs neighbor being beaten by her husband. I anonymously called 911, hoping to help. She must've seen me giving the cops my statement because as soon as they left, she knocked on my door and punched me square in the face while screaming, "Mind your own business bitch!" FML I agree, your life sucks 599 You deserved it 65 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 17:00 Let it all out Today, I had too much to eat at dinner. I had to cut sexy time with my husband short because I couldn't do it. I feel bad because it's his birthday today but we stopped. I then proceeded to throw up everything I ate today. FML I agree, your life sucks 470 You deserved it 181 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 14:00 Spreading it around Today, I overheard my co-worker talking about how she's going to Panama City, Florida this weekend and is going to "get lit." It's the middle of the pandemic, and she's going to go party on a beach. She'll be back at work Tuesday. FML I agree, your life sucks 690 You deserved it 89 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rawr_ily96 - 24/5/2020 08:00 - United States Barf Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML I agree, your life sucks 640 You deserved it 88 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 05:00 Get out Today, while I was working in a department store, two 15-year-old kids started having sex in a changing room. When I found them, the boy pulled out and said, "You want in, bitch?" I then had to prevent his jealous, half-naked girlfriend from murdering me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1035 You deserved it 68 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By badmombadkids - 24/5/2020 02:00 Assholes, assholes everywhere Today, my nephews decided to play with and break the antique hourglass I bought for my mom. It took months to find and cost nearly $500. When I told my sister, she refused to repay me and responded with, "What do you expect, they’re just little boys!" Her "little boys" are 12 and 14. FML I agree, your life sucks 1231 You deserved it 76 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 23/5/2020 23:00 Crossed wires Today, there's no recovering from this. FML I agree, your life sucks 318 You deserved it 157 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 23/5/2020 20:00 Feelin' sexy Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML I agree, your life sucks 866 You deserved it 62 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 23/5/2020 17:00 Tense Today, my dad happened to mention he proposed to his girlfriend I had no idea he was dating. Turns out it's one of my old high school teachers, specifically the bitch who hated me as much as I hated her. My dad is so oblivious, he has no idea WWIII is about to start in our living room. FML I agree, your life sucks 1065 You deserved it 95 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ihatemyex - 23/5/2020 14:00 Who are you? Today, a woman I’d never met came to my door asking if my kids were ready to go. Obviously I refused to send my kids with a stranger. Apparently she’s my ex's new girlfriend and "has his permission" to come get my kids. Now he’s threatening to take me to court for violating the visitation order. FML I agree, your life sucks 1234 You deserved it 80 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By OhGodWhy - 23/5/2020 08:00 Superstition Today, my mother told me I must break up with my gorgeous, brilliant, talented, kind, respectful boyfriend of 2 weeks. Why? One of his closest friends died, and he's struggling with his spiritual identity. Apparently, by being with him, I'm walking on 'unholy ground.' FML I agree, your life sucks 1257 You deserved it 82 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kay Kay - 23/5/2020 05:00 Can't win, part 15 Today, while my parents were grocery shopping, I cleaned the kitchen, swept floors, did laundry, and cleaned bathrooms, only to finish right before they got home. After dinner, my dad bitched and complained that I didn't take out the trash and he had no room to throw away his paper plate. FML I agree, your life sucks 1325 You deserved it 78 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crushed - 23/5/2020 02:00 What about me? Today, my wife told me about an old boyfriend she had. She told me that they used to fool around, and that she’d give him blow jobs all the time. I never get any action like that from her. FML I agree, your life sucks 1152 You deserved it 165 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 23:00 Slip of the tongue Today, a few army recruiters came to my school to discuss their jobs with us. When asked to say our name and what we wanted to do when we were older, I said I wanted to be a prosecutor. Everyone started laughing. Turns out everyone thought I said prostitute, including the recruiters. FML I agree, your life sucks 1056 You deserved it 110 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 20:00 Tasty Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML I agree, your life sucks 1203 You deserved it 188 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By upyours - 22/5/2020 17:00 - Australia Leech Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML I agree, your life sucks 1407 You deserved it 96 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 14:00 Big up retail workers Today, an old guy got nose to nose with me, threatened me, and spit in my face, just because I politely reminded him he needed to be wearing a mask. He had been coughing on multiple food items in my store. FML I agree, your life sucks 1370 You deserved it 76 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dee Dee - 22/5/2020 08:00 In these times Today, my husband and I purchased a new-used truck, after being assured for weeks by the company owner we work for that the company will remain open. Later, we received an email saying that the office is closing permanently. Our jobs are "secure", but he needs help selling and moving the equipment. FML I agree, your life sucks 1055 You deserved it 99 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 05:00 Yeet it Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML I agree, your life sucks 971 You deserved it 821 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 02:00 Live dumping Today, I was having a mass lecture, for 3 classes combined, all microphones muted. I wanted to go to the toilet, so I connected my headphones, and I did my job massively while listening to the teacher. Suddenly, the teacher said, "Oh, close your mic for the love of god." 85 students heard me taking a shit. FML I agree, your life sucks 668 You deserved it 1320 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 23:00 Too much of a good thing Today, my girlfriend complained that our quickies shouldn’t take 45 minutes. FML I agree, your life sucks 581 You deserved it 1138 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 20:00 Compassion Today, my mum screamed that there is nothing wrong with me, after I literally coughed up blood in front of her. This all started over me getting my medications delivered to our house, as I’m not allowed out due to Covid-19 as I’m high risk. FML I agree, your life sucks 1398 You deserved it 64 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 17:00 Business savvy Today, my nephew, who I was assured had previous experience, was closing jobs down on the computer after dealing with the customers on the phone without processing the payment for any of their orders. He’s been working for me for weeks. God knows how much money I’ve lost. FML I agree, your life sucks 1303 You deserved it 319 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pey - 21/5/2020 14:00 Revelations Today, my boss told me I had to fire my co-worker. I didn't want to do it, but I didn't want to lose my job. I told my co-worker that the boss said we had to let him go. He told me that he had sex with my wife. My wife didn't deny it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1745 You deserved it 97 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nooneinparticular - 21/5/2020 08:00 Fragrant Today, I realized that I get turned on by my girlfriend's perfume. My mother started using the same one. FML I agree, your life sucks 1342 You deserved it 120 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 05:00 TMI Today, I was trying to teach my Aunt and Gran to use Google drive to share and upload pictures, when I scrolled past an image of my… yep. I didn't have a mirror when the pic was taken and I was concerned about a sore. Now they just think I'm a whore. FML I agree, your life sucks 1006 You deserved it 388 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 02:00 Fresh air Today, my parents actually kicked me into the back garden and made me sit outside for an hour so they could have sex without having to worry about me hearing them go at each other like a pair of 15-stone rabbits hopped up on Viagra. FML I agree, your life sucks 1201 You deserved it 292 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crowded - 20/5/2020 23:00 Crowded House Today, my boyfriend asked me to go to his parents' house for the weekend. He didn’t tell me until after we’d arrived that all his siblings and their SO's would also be coming. His parents live in a 2 bedroom, one bath house. So far there are 16 people here and he’s refusing to drive me back home. FML I agree, your life sucks 1568 You deserved it 211 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
My wife was telling me how funny her ex boyfriend was. How she loved him because he was so funny and cute. She has said repeatedly that I am not funny... I agree, your life sucks 7 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
today our town is so bored that the most entertainment we got is on the local buy sell trade page where someone posted that they got someone else's package... I agree, your life sucks 16 You deserved it 1 0 Comments
Today, I had too much to eat at dinner. I had to cut sexy time with my husband short because I couldn't do it. I feel bad because it's his birthday today... I agree, your life sucks 470 You deserved it 181 4 Comments
Today, while I was working in a department store, two 15-year-old kids started having sex in a changing room. When I found them, the boy pulled out and... I agree, your life sucks 1035 You deserved it 68 1 Comments
