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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my mom told me she wasn't an alcoholic because she doesn't get "black out drunk" daily. She only gets drunk enough to slur her words and reek of alcohol daily, so it's okay. FML

#21525409
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5067) - you deserved it (286)

On 02/12/2016 at 5:29am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML

#21525394
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4748) - you deserved it (302)

On 02/12/2016 at 4:00am - intimacy - by scarredforlife (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML

#21525372
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5258) - you deserved it (1400)

On 02/12/2016 at 2:50am - love - by oblivious idiot -

Today, I got my very first tattoo. Excited, I sent a picture to my best friend. Her response? "You're joking, right?" FML

#21525357
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4356) - you deserved it (882)

On 02/12/2016 at 1:41am - misc - by fml - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that every time my boyfriend has cutely joked about my clothes not matching while we're just lounging around the house, he's was really been hoping I would catch on that he thinks I look like a slob. FML

#21525356
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5366) - you deserved it (929)

On 02/12/2016 at 1:26am - misc - by Rachel - United States (Michigan)

Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML

#21525261
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6691) - you deserved it (718)

On 02/11/2016 at 7:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. Midway through the speech I'd prepared, I fainted and hit my head against a wall. FML

#21525248
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8084) - you deserved it (947)

On 02/11/2016 at 6:18pm - love - by HelpPlease - United States (California)

WolfsScar's comment : That's actually really sweet, if you ignore the giant creepy factor.

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Today, I found out how painful it is to static shock the tip of your dick. FML

#21525225
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7737) - you deserved it (2168)

On 02/11/2016 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by Electro (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, we had some workers come to paint my office building. As a receptionist, it's my job to stock the fridge with soda. I walked into the supply closet just in time to find a worker peeing in a bucket. I stood there for about 10 seconds before I understood what was happening and ran out. FML

#21525196
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8316) - you deserved it (586)

On 02/11/2016 at 2:55pm - work - by onlyolivia - United States (Maryland)

Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML

#21525176
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8607) - you deserved it (975)

On 02/11/2016 at 1:59pm - intimacy - by CmS_1733 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out my insurance company denied my claim because they had me marked down as "male" and yet also pregnant. I now have to prove to them that I'm actually a woman. FML

#21525162
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13731) - you deserved it (823)

On 02/11/2016 at 1:12pm - health - by notaman (woman) - United States (Iowa)

trashboat911's comment : Walk into their building naked. Should clear things up nicely

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Today, I asked my husband if he could at least try to give me an orgasm. His response? "Um... why?" FML

#21525139
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14442) - you deserved it (1505)

On 02/11/2016 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by not satisfied - United States (Missouri)

rockaroths's comment : You need to talk to him and let him know sex isn't a one way street and isn't all about him but it's also 50% about you

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