All the FMLs

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous - 15/09/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, despite knowing that I should never trust "Doctor Google" I was doing some research into what I could do about my spinal stenosis and the labral tear. I'm now seriously confused because working on my hip could hurt my back, but focusing just on my back might cause my right side to deteriorate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 12

Unmatch

By themarrowguy - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 245

You deserved it 4 378

Great first date

By Anonymous - 15/09/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my date asked how many kids and baby daddies I had. When I responded neither because I'm not like that, he didn't believe me and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 26

Overheating

By Anonymous - 15/09/2026 00:00 - Nepal - Kathmandu

Today, I always say my body is my worst enemy because not only do I have irregular periods with heavy flow and bad cramps, I also get it when I currently have a fever, the highest temperature being 102.8 (checked under arms). FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 31

He gets around

By Anonymous - 14/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out I'm going to have a sister. Who’s the mom gonna be? It’s my cousin from my mom’s side. My dad’s excuse? "Well, she ain’t blood related." FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 37

Push past the pain

By dying - 14/09/2026 20:00 - United States - New York

Today, I learned that when you quit smoking, you get "Smoker Flu", meaning you feel like you're coming down with something really horrible. The good news is that my throat is so raw, I couldn't smoke a cigarette if I wanted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 48

Flying bastards

By ihateseagulls - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 838

You deserved it 4 159

Granny brain

By Anonymous - 14/09/2026 15:00 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I tried to have a conversation with my mom. As usual, it turned into an hour long gush about how much she loves her grandkids. When I said, “You know you have children as well, right?” She goes, "Yeah but I only had them to have grandchildren for me!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 46

Freaky family

By Anonymous - 14/09/2026 09:00 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, I found out I am pregnant. I hooked up with my step-dad not that long ago while my mom was out of town. I'm 30 and he wants to tell my mom my baby is his, and I like the idea of telling her, but also know she won’t take it well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 716

Spinning out

By PerfectTiming - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 098

You deserved it 4 746

Catwoman

By Anonymous - 14/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I thought nobody was around so I meowed loud as fuck but actually there was some dude right behind me on a bike. Yeah, I know that's my fault, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 337

Help wanted

By Anonymous - 14/09/2026 00:00 - United States - Leominster

Today, I just got the news that my mom wants to put down our dog because her back legs aren’t working well. I need someone to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 69

Eww, what?

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I watched a coworker use an electric milk frother, lick it “clean”, then put it back in the break room drawer with the rest of the utensils. I had no idea it was her personal frother. I thought it was for everyone’s use, like the spoons, and I’ve been using it for days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 75

Not the only the only thing that's empty

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter called me panicking that her car died in the middle of the road. I had to FaceTime her to talk her through calling a tow truck. Turns out she ignored the warning lights telling her that the tank was low and drove it until the tank was empty. I had to pay for that, plus the tow fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 99

I hate this job

By chubbyreddevil - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 972

You deserved it 2 426

Standards

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 15:00 - United States - Davenport

Today, my girlfriend asked me what I think counts as cheating. We got into a fight about it, and she eventually broke up with me. Turns out, even by my own standards, I've cheated on her multiple times throughout our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 557

Main character

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 12:00 - Germany - Augsburg

Today, I was at my cousin's wedding. In the toasts they talked about how my parents became their second parents and my sister became their new sister, while they've never been a real family to me. I felt like that's my fault, then I felt self-centered thinking about that while others celebrated and confessed their love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 207

Mommy's boy

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, my awful future daughter-in-law went off on me and said that I'm just jealous that she's marrying my son and I'm not. Furious, I told my husband, expecting him to side with me, but all he said was, "Well… are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 478

Reflex

By OuchImAMoron - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 556

You deserved it 47 044

Stranded

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Bergenfield

Today, I went to go visit my friends in my hometown. It was really nice seeing everyone. We had dinner at one of my favorite places, plus all 3 of my kids behaved! We all said goodbye and I drove home… leaving my kid's stroller in the parking lot. In MA. I live in NJ. I didn't realize till this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 236

Truth bomb

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, my son's blood type was tested for college requirements. He's AB-; I'm B+; His mom/my ex is B+, a genetically impossible combo. He wasn't blood-typed at birth. This explains A LOT of my ex's behavior during our marriage/custody issues since then. There's a secret she wanted hidden. No one knows that I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 52

Smell test

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, during my meeting with manager, I found out that my coworkers think that I stink. I literally shower every day and use deodorant and perfume. Am I doing something wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 80

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son gave a beautiful eulogy at his uncle's funeral. At the pub afterwards, a bunch of family and friends told me what he did was pathetic, shameful, and an absolute disgrace. Turns out he plagiarised the entire eulogy, word for word, from a movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 63

Run, run away

By but i make different stiffies - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Parker

Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 136

You deserved it 2 818

Overdrawn burrito

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 15:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I ordered my lunch from Chipotle. From the wrong location. With my last $16. They told me to order again and then they would be able to issue a refund. I can't afford to. Now I'm out $16 and I'm hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 293

Friends in need

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was on good terms with my ex, and I thought we were going to get back together. I let him use my car to go back to his place after being at mine. I checked the GPS log and saw a familiar address. I then found out he was using my car for booty calls with someone I considered a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 153

What more do you want?

By ForeverUnemployed - 12/09/2026 09:00 - Japan

Today, I was informed that although I'm eligible for a position at a school in my new city, my information was not passed onto the school, as I'm not one of the top candidates. The position? Substitute teaching. My credentials? A teaching license in 3 core subjects and a master's degree in education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 65

Baaaa!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room… where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 047

You deserved it 75 594

Cursed

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Ontario

Today, I got hit with the “Beginning of the Year Curse” and by that I mean my kids went back to school and brought the flu home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 69

Sixth time's the charm

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I mustered up the courage to tell my son that I would not be attending his sixth wedding. He responded by cutting access to my grandson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 97

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Transportation Airport Suspicious My ex Love Awkward Weird Embarrassing Singing Work Miscellaneous Relatable Mysterious Scary Creepy Plumbing Confused Health Healthy Lifestyle Smoking Ironic Animals Anger issues Dogs Grandparents Kids Cute First Dates Family Pregnancy

The Top

Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 886

You deserved it 6 407

Today, I tried to encourage my spouse to come with me and work out a bit, figuring it would help us both get be healthier and be something to do together. I got told she had no desire to get healthy or look attractive, and that I should find a "Fuck buddy" instead. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 197

Random

Today, I was complimented by my guests about the great of service I was giving them. They then left me a $2 tip on a $50 tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 367

You deserved it 1 234

Today, is the fourth day of my husband's and my new diet and exercise routine. I've already caught him eating junk food 4 times. He has lost 2 lbs and I've gained 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 776

You deserved it 4 023

Today, I got my score back for the monologue I performed. I got points taken off for "seeming nervous." My character was supposed to be nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 357

You deserved it 2 670

Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 895

You deserved it 1 134

Today, I got a call from a former client. After migrating his firm to cloud-based apps a few months back, he decided I was too expensive, and he'd manage things himself. He called today with "a couple of quick questions." Question 1: How does he log in to make changes? FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 112

Today, my sexist, misogynistic boss showed me a new program we all have to use. After several minutes of him explaining it badly and belittling me for doing it wrong, I opened a sub-folder that showed that I CREATED THE PROGRAM. He walked away, then later wrote me up for "having a bad attitude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 140