All the FMLs

Push past the pain

By dying - 14/09/2026 20:00 - United States - New York

Today, I learned that when you quit smoking, you get "Smoker Flu", meaning you feel like you're coming down with something really horrible. The good news is that my throat is so raw, I couldn't smoke a cigarette if I wanted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

Flying bastards

By ihateseagulls - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 718

You deserved it 4 136

Granny brain

By Anonymous - 14/09/2026 15:00 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I tried to have a conversation with my mom. As usual, it turned into an hour long gush about how much she loves her grandkids. When I said, “You know you have children as well, right?” She goes, "Yeah but I only had them to have grandchildren for me!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 23

Freaky family

By Anonymous - 14/09/2026 09:00 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, I found out I am pregnant. I hooked up with my step-dad not that long ago while my mom was out of town. I'm 30 and he wants to tell my mom my baby is his, and I like the idea of telling her, but also know she won’t take it well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 436

Spinning out

By PerfectTiming - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 039

You deserved it 4 730

Catwoman

By Anonymous - 14/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I thought nobody was around so I meowed loud as fuck but actually there was some dude right behind me on a bike. Yeah, I know that's my fault, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 251

Help wanted

By Anonymous - 14/09/2026 00:00 - United States - Leominster

Today, I just got the news that my mom wants to put down our dog because her back legs aren’t working well. I need someone to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 59

Eww, what?

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I watched a coworker use an electric milk frother, lick it “clean”, then put it back in the break room drawer with the rest of the utensils. I had no idea it was her personal frother. I thought it was for everyone’s use, like the spoons, and I’ve been using it for days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 66

Not the only the only thing that's empty

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter called me panicking that her car died in the middle of the road. I had to FaceTime her to talk her through calling a tow truck. Turns out she ignored the warning lights telling her that the tank was low and drove it until the tank was empty. I had to pay for that, plus the tow fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 86

I hate this job

By chubbyreddevil - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 947

You deserved it 2 419

Standards

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 15:00 - United States - Davenport

Today, my girlfriend asked me what I think counts as cheating. We got into a fight about it, and she eventually broke up with me. Turns out, even by my own standards, I've cheated on her multiple times throughout our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 492

Main character

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 12:00 - Germany - Augsburg

Today, I was at my cousin's wedding. In the toasts they talked about how my parents became their second parents and my sister became their new sister, while they've never been a real family to me. I felt like that's my fault, then I felt self-centered thinking about that while others celebrated and confessed their love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 180

Mommy's boy

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, my awful future daughter-in-law went off on me and said that I'm just jealous that she's marrying my son and I'm not. Furious, I told my husband, expecting him to side with me, but all he said was, "Well… are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 431

Reflex

By OuchImAMoron - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 548

You deserved it 47 016

Stranded

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Bergenfield

Today, I went to go visit my friends in my hometown. It was really nice seeing everyone. We had dinner at one of my favorite places, plus all 3 of my kids behaved! We all said goodbye and I drove home… leaving my kid's stroller in the parking lot. In MA. I live in NJ. I didn't realize till this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 216

Truth bomb

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, my son's blood type was tested for college requirements. He's AB-; I'm B+; His mom/my ex is B+, a genetically impossible combo. He wasn't blood-typed at birth. This explains A LOT of my ex's behavior during our marriage/custody issues since then. There's a secret she wanted hidden. No one knows that I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 51

Smell test

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, during my meeting with manager, I found out that my coworkers think that I stink. I literally shower every day and use deodorant and perfume. Am I doing something wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 73

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son gave a beautiful eulogy at his uncle's funeral. At the pub afterwards, a bunch of family and friends told me what he did was pathetic, shameful, and an absolute disgrace. Turns out he plagiarised the entire eulogy, word for word, from a movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 60

Run, run away

By but i make different stiffies - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Parker

Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 111

You deserved it 2 814

Overdrawn burrito

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 15:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I ordered my lunch from Chipotle. From the wrong location. With my last $16. They told me to order again and then they would be able to issue a refund. I can't afford to. Now I'm out $16 and I'm hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 271

Friends in need

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was on good terms with my ex, and I thought we were going to get back together. I let him use my car to go back to his place after being at mine. I checked the GPS log and saw a familiar address. I then found out he was using my car for booty calls with someone I considered a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 144

What more do you want?

By ForeverUnemployed - 12/09/2026 09:00 - Japan

Today, I was informed that although I'm eligible for a position at a school in my new city, my information was not passed onto the school, as I'm not one of the top candidates. The position? Substitute teaching. My credentials? A teaching license in 3 core subjects and a master's degree in education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 61

Baaaa!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room… where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 039

You deserved it 75 583

Cursed

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Ontario

Today, I got hit with the “Beginning of the Year Curse” and by that I mean my kids went back to school and brought the flu home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 69

Sixth time's the charm

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I mustered up the courage to tell my son that I would not be attending his sixth wedding. He responded by cutting access to my grandson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 96

Overbearing

By bert - 11/09/2026 20:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I ate fruit for a snack before I left to visit my mom. When I arrived, she accused me of vaping because I smelled like fruit. I'm also 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 47

I just work here

By NathanA - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer because her entrée was too fishy. I'm not the chef, just the waiter, and I work at a fish grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 599

You deserved it 2 885

You OK, hun?

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 15:00 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, I'm not sure if this even qualifies as a confession, but here goes: I'm weirdly but genuinely disappointed that my celebrity crush used to get naked on screen. Somehow my delulu brain had convinced itself she was a proper lady 24/7, on and off screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 512

A sitter's a sister

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I offered to babysit half siblings so my sister didn't have to, but my dad and stepmom said no, because: "Babysitting is a girl's job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 74

Nine Inch Nails?

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 09:00 - Tanzania - Dar es Salaam

Today, I realized my mom, whom I've been distant with for a few months, doesn't know her birth date. She's in her thirties and I need to apply for a university loan but it's impossible without her NIN, and she knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 60

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Keywords

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The Top

Random

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 846

You deserved it 6 016

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. About 2 hours later, he got to hold my hair while I puked, also for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 072

You deserved it 6 953

Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 190

You deserved it 6 712

Today, after 2 years together, my boyfriend finally proposed. I excitedly said yes. Just as we began to kiss, my half crazed cat ran in, dropped a half eaten bird at our feet, and promptly threw up on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 013

You deserved it 5 267

Today, my girlfriend and I were lying in her bed. We fooled around and were about to have sex as she suddenly began to cry without any reason. She cried for 30 minutes until I finally managed to calm her down. She said there was no reason for her crying. Then she fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 205

You deserved it 5 114

Today, in the middle of an argument with my wife, our autistic son started calling out tennis scores, which turned out to be his way of keeping score of who was winning the argument. Apparently, by the end, it was 40-love approaching server's deuce point, which I think means I lost the argument badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 243