By Anonymous - 26/5/2020 05:00 Captain Dumbass Today, after my husband spent several days in his shed welding, he showed me his completed Captain America shield. It looked shit. I warned him not to throw it, but he threw it anyway, missed his target, bounced it off the garage and smashed the kitchen window, showering our kids in glass. FML I agree, your life sucks 191 You deserved it 15 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By N/A - 26/5/2020 02:00 Time is of the essence Today, my job offer from a Fortune 500 company was canceled because of the coronavirus. This is the third time this year a job I passed interviews and tests for got canceled. I’m an international student who just graduated last week. I only have 90 days to find a job to stay in the US. FML I agree, your life sucks 335 You deserved it 41 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alyxandrea Loffer - 25/5/2020 23:00 Small town blues Today, our town is so bored that the most entertainment we got was on the local buy and sell trade page, where someone posted that they got someone else's package in the mail, and everyone in town spent 6 hours trying to guess what was in the box. It was actually the highlight of most of our day. FML I agree, your life sucks 396 You deserved it 45 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 25/5/2020 20:00 Oh, hai! Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it's my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 540 You deserved it 160 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By secretmisery05 - 25/5/2020 17:00 Oh, hello there! Today, my husband and I waited until the TV shut off at 11 p.m. in the next room to signal his grandmother had retired to her bed upstairs. After doing it on a very squeaky bed, we went out naked half an hour later to go to the restroom across the hall, only to discover his Nana laying on the couch. FML I agree, your life sucks 432 You deserved it 289 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 25/5/2020 14:00 Some friends you've got there Today, I got my commissioned anime portrait done. One of my friends commented on why all my commissions are skinny look-alikes, when I'm really fat in real life and active in body positivity. Then everyone started agreeing with her, stating that if I was so happy with who I am, why my art is of me slim? FML I agree, your life sucks 367 You deserved it 740 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PoorJudgeOfCharacter - 25/5/2020 08:00 How could you? Today, I found out that before I met my boyfriend of one year, he slept with his twin brother's ex girlfriend who his twin had dated for two years before ending things. Am I dating a monster? FML I agree, your life sucks 658 You deserved it 123 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sad fat drunk - 25/5/2020 05:00 Boozehound Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML I agree, your life sucks 636 You deserved it 260 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By deadman - 25/5/2020 02:00 Creeped out Today, my mom came in my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Out of pure instinct, from hours of doing this to my girlfriend in this exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother-son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go" before I let her leave. FML I agree, your life sucks 349 You deserved it 1113 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 23:00 Bad news Today, I was hanging out with my friends and my sister, we were all wasted and I was making jokes. My sister then gets a phone call, I leave the room to get a drink and I hear everyone go a bit silent I come back in and all of the sudden everyone looks at me. My friend says, "Um… I'm so sorry, your mom passed." FML I agree, your life sucks 1402 You deserved it 62 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tryingtohelp - 24/5/2020 20:00 Good samaritan Today, I heard my downstairs neighbor being beaten by her husband. I anonymously called 911, hoping to help. She must've seen me giving the cops my statement because as soon as they left, she knocked on my door and punched me square in the face while screaming, "Mind your own business bitch!" FML I agree, your life sucks 1615 You deserved it 161 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 17:00 Let it all out Today, I had too much to eat at dinner. I had to cut sexy time with my husband short because I couldn't do it. I feel bad because it's his birthday today but we stopped. I then proceeded to throw up everything I ate today. FML I agree, your life sucks 852 You deserved it 345 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 14:00 Spreading it around Today, I overheard my co-worker talking about how she's going to Panama City, Florida this weekend and is going to "get lit." It's the middle of the pandemic, and she's going to go party on a beach. She'll be back at work Tuesday. FML I agree, your life sucks 1096 You deserved it 147 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rawr_ily96 - 24/5/2020 08:00 - United States Barf Today, I was struck at home with a stomach virus. My dad, being an occasional insensitive smart-ass, decided to cook some bacon, sit right in front of the couch I was lying on, and eat the bacon. Last time I tried to eat bacon with a stomach virus... Not pretty. FML I agree, your life sucks 888 You deserved it 130 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/5/2020 05:00 Get out Today, while I was working in a department store, two 15-year-old kids started having sex in a changing room. When I found them, the boy pulled out and said, "You want in, bitch?" I then had to prevent his jealous, half-naked girlfriend from murdering me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1385 You deserved it 93 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By badmombadkids - 24/5/2020 02:00 Assholes, assholes everywhere Today, my nephews decided to play with and break the antique hourglass I bought for my mom. It took months to find and cost nearly $500. When I told my sister, she refused to repay me and responded with, "What do you expect, they’re just little boys!" Her "little boys" are 12 and 14. FML I agree, your life sucks 1574 You deserved it 94 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 23/5/2020 23:00 Crossed wires Today, there's no recovering from this. FML I agree, your life sucks 398 You deserved it 194 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 23/5/2020 20:00 Feelin' sexy Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML I agree, your life sucks 1053 You deserved it 79 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 23/5/2020 17:00 Tense Today, my dad happened to mention he proposed to his girlfriend I had no idea he was dating. Turns out it's one of my old high school teachers, specifically the bitch who hated me as much as I hated her. My dad is so oblivious, he has no idea WWIII is about to start in our living room. FML I agree, your life sucks 1326 You deserved it 117 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ihatemyex - 23/5/2020 14:00 Who are you? Today, a woman I’d never met came to my door asking if my kids were ready to go. Obviously I refused to send my kids with a stranger. Apparently she’s my ex's new girlfriend and "has his permission" to come get my kids. Now he’s threatening to take me to court for violating the visitation order. FML I agree, your life sucks 1464 You deserved it 101 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By OhGodWhy - 23/5/2020 08:00 Superstition Today, my mother told me I must break up with my gorgeous, brilliant, talented, kind, respectful boyfriend of 2 weeks. Why? One of his closest friends died, and he's struggling with his spiritual identity. Apparently, by being with him, I'm walking on 'unholy ground.' FML I agree, your life sucks 1422 You deserved it 94 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kay Kay - 23/5/2020 05:00 Can't win, part 15 Today, while my parents were grocery shopping, I cleaned the kitchen, swept floors, did laundry, and cleaned bathrooms, only to finish right before they got home. After dinner, my dad bitched and complained that I didn't take out the trash and he had no room to throw away his paper plate. FML I agree, your life sucks 1511 You deserved it 88 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crushed - 23/5/2020 02:00 What about me? Today, my wife told me about an old boyfriend she had. She told me that they used to fool around, and that she’d give him blow jobs all the time. I never get any action like that from her. FML I agree, your life sucks 1289 You deserved it 181 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 23:00 Slip of the tongue Today, a few army recruiters came to my school to discuss their jobs with us. When asked to say our name and what we wanted to do when we were older, I said I wanted to be a prosecutor. Everyone started laughing. Turns out everyone thought I said prostitute, including the recruiters. FML I agree, your life sucks 1173 You deserved it 124 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 20:00 Tasty Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML I agree, your life sucks 1324 You deserved it 208 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By upyours - 22/5/2020 17:00 - Australia Leech Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML I agree, your life sucks 1531 You deserved it 107 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 14:00 Big up retail workers Today, an old guy got nose to nose with me, threatened me, and spit in my face, just because I politely reminded him he needed to be wearing a mask. He had been coughing on multiple food items in my store. FML I agree, your life sucks 1477 You deserved it 85 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dee Dee - 22/5/2020 08:00 In these times Today, my husband and I purchased a new-used truck, after being assured for weeks by the company owner we work for that the company will remain open. Later, we received an email saying that the office is closing permanently. Our jobs are "secure", but he needs help selling and moving the equipment. FML I agree, your life sucks 1110 You deserved it 103 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 05:00 Yeet it Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML I agree, your life sucks 1027 You deserved it 882 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 02:00 Live dumping Today, I was having a mass lecture, for 3 classes combined, all microphones muted. I wanted to go to the toilet, so I connected my headphones, and I did my job massively while listening to the teacher. Suddenly, the teacher said, "Oh, close your mic for the love of god." 85 students heard me taking a shit. FML I agree, your life sucks 691 You deserved it 1398 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I told my BFF that I went to the store to buy medium shirts because I had gained some weight during coronavirus. He asked me "What is the point... I agree, your life sucks 0 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
Today, My dad is super overprotective and can view my search history through his phone. I downloaded the google app to search for things he wouldn't approve... I agree, your life sucks 5 You deserved it 21 0 Comments
Today, I had too much to eat at dinner. I had to cut sexy time with my husband short because I couldn't do it. I feel bad because it's his birthday today... I agree, your life sucks 852 You deserved it 345 4 Comments
Today, while I was working in a department store, two 15-year-old kids started having sex in a changing room. When I found them, the boy pulled out and... I agree, your life sucks 1385 You deserved it 93 2 Comments
