By homealone - 23/10/2019 02:00 Home Alone 7: Pack It Up Today, my parents left for a trip together. I wanted to invite my girlfriend over for a few days. Guess who stopped by? My grandparents, "just for a few days until your parents return, so you won't be alone in this big house." FML I agree, your life sucks 3 You deserved it 3 1 0 0 1 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pornstorebitch - 23/10/2019 00:01 Knock yourself out, dude Today, I got told I was a bitch because I wouldn’t let a homeless man dig through my dumpster at work, even though he was hungry. We don’t even sell food. I work at a sex store. FML I agree, your life sucks 164 You deserved it 17 4 0 4 12 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/10/2019 22:00 - France Classy Today, I've got two family members over to stay. So far, I have found a dirty Q-Tip, a nasty toe nail and had to clean up period blood from toilets, bin, and the floor. FML I agree, your life sucks 300 You deserved it 23 8 0 29 3 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ineed sleep!!! - 22/10/2019 20:00 Let me sleep! Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument when I suggested we start sleeping in separate rooms. He thinks I don’t love him anymore, but that’s not the case. I’m madly in love with him, but he snores like a freight train and thrashes like a fucking Ninja Turtle all night. FML I agree, your life sucks 447 You deserved it 45 10 2 4 31 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lilahpaints - 22/10/2019 18:00 My Baby Boy Today, twelve days after stomach surgery, I birthed a left behind, forgotten blood-stained stinky surgical swab from my vagina. I have no idea why it was there in the first place. I feel violated. FML I agree, your life sucks 603 You deserved it 27 7 1 82 5 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mel Cluze - 22/10/2019 16:00 Fire! Today, my girlfriend and I were spending the night at a hotel. We were awoken at 3 a.m. by the fire alarm. We quickly got dressed, went down the stairs to the reception area… and were told that it was a false alarm. All because some jerk lit a cigarette in his room. FML I agree, your life sucks 527 You deserved it 41 19 1 6 9 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bad friend - 22/10/2019 05:00 - United States - Monterey Park Hissy fit incoming! Today, my boyfriend’s female "best friend" hates me for absolutely no other reason other than she, "just doesn’t get along with girls." Boyfriend doesn’t see a problem with this, and insists I should just accept it since, "that’s just how she is." Time to throw the whole man away. FML I agree, your life sucks 686 You deserved it 102 40 2 9 13 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nali1122 - 22/10/2019 12:00 Burned! Today, I received a text forward from a good friend inviting me to his birthday party. Jokingly, I texted back, "No. I hate you and I don't want to go to your lame party." He replied with an apology for the mix-up, because he'd accidentally sent me the invite. FML I agree, your life sucks 241 You deserved it 1066 5 1 7 59 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SMRT - 22/10/2019 06:00 - United States - Chattanooga Geography for Dummies Today, I had an argument with my dad about Venice being in Italy, not Spain. He wouldn't believe me, and had to Google it. He's an engineer for an aerospace company. FML I agree, your life sucks 739 You deserved it 80 6 3 11 50 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hungry - 22/10/2019 04:00 - Canada - Halifax Parenting gone feral Today, as I searched for food to take to work for lunch, I noticed that the only recent addition to our fridge is chocolate milk and popsicles. My mom went grocery shopping yesterday. FML I agree, your life sucks 760 You deserved it 139 34 2 8 23 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By haaaye - 22/10/2019 02:00 - United States Sounds cosy Today, my Twitter got hacked, and I can't get it back. Everyone now thinks I live in a trailer and have multiple STDs. FML I agree, your life sucks 858 You deserved it 123 11 5 21 56 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/10/2019 00:01 Halloween has started early Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML I agree, your life sucks 904 You deserved it 79 10 1 47 21 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mary - 21/10/2019 22:00 - United States He's trying to kill you! Today, while at a party, my boyfriend threw a temper tantrum. He screamed at me and then gave me the silent treatment. All because I said, "No thank you" to the crab dip he got for me. I'm allergic to shellfish, we've been dating for two years and it's come up before. FML I agree, your life sucks 1081 You deserved it 123 25 1 71 7 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wowie - 21/10/2019 20:00 Rebel without a cause. Today, my ex threatened to not return my things that she still has. She even went on to say she will burn them, because she hates me and I "broke her heart". Not only has it been over half a year since we broke up, but she was the one who broke up with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1042 You deserved it 77 21 2 45 12 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/10/2019 18:00 Spay and neuter, people! Today, I took in an old friend’s fat cat for a month until she finds a place to live. Turns out the cat isn’t fat, just pregnant. I found out when I found two of her dead kittens in my living room. FML I agree, your life sucks 1151 You deserved it 79 32 1 112 7 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stephhh055 - 21/10/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland Valid reason Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML I agree, your life sucks 1234 You deserved it 117 39 4 40 89 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/10/2019 14:00 Alas, poor Mickey Today, I'm going to a cocktail event, except my dress is wrinkled and can't be ironed, so I got my steam cleaner from storage. I saw what looked like mold inside the water container. Turns out a mouse had got into the water container, drowned and started to decompose. My apartment now smells like death and my dress is still wrinkled. FML I agree, your life sucks 807 You deserved it 129 9 2 71 10 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bobra - 21/10/2019 12:00 Helter Skelter Today, I decided to face my fears and go on my first upside-down ride. Unfortunately for me, the two men in front of me had chosen to eat before the ride and I walked off with bits of strawberry and bacon in my hair, my clothes drenched in whitish fluid, not to mention the stench. FML I agree, your life sucks 1190 You deserved it 68 5 2 87 20 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sunitgir - 21/10/2019 06:00 Gordon Ramsey is furious Today, my mother decided to cook dinner for us and used rice that she had in her cupboard. While helping out, I stirred the dish and noticed black flecks. Turns out they were rice weevils. She tried to convince me it was "burnt garlic" and served it to the rest of the family. FML I agree, your life sucks 1134 You deserved it 73 8 4 88 14 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sarabellekitty - 21/10/2019 04:00 Relaxed Today, I was having really great sex with my boyfriend. I was on top and he seemed like he was really enjoying it. Then, I realized he'd fallen asleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 1111 You deserved it 184 14 3 16 106 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dazzla08 - 21/10/2019 02:00 - United States Fundies say the darndest things Today, my husband told me doesn't really love me. He only married me because we had a daughter, and his grandmother told him he had to so she wouldn't be "an abomination to God." FML I agree, your life sucks 1252 You deserved it 112 25 0 82 16 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/10/2019 00:01 Seize the means of production! Today, there was a gas leak at work. We called the fire department, who advised us to evacuate the building. We called our manager to let her know, and her response was "Oh, don’t do that." My boss would rather let us die of carbon monoxide exposure than lose out on 3 hours of work. FML I agree, your life sucks 1261 You deserved it 77 15 1 81 11 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ChiefKoala - 20/10/2019 22:00 This is America Today, it will be the third time since moving to this area that I will have to call out of work because of gunshots heard nearby, police looking for someone and advising us to stay indoors. FML I agree, your life sucks 1180 You deserved it 114 17 2 65 10 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 20/10/2019 20:00 On yer bike Today, I replaced the fog lights on my car and completely filled my gas tank. $50+ later, the transmission decided it wanted to go out. FML I agree, your life sucks 1080 You deserved it 68 40 2 19 10 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mystic Alan - 20/10/2019 18:00 FML's Weekly Horoscope - 20th of October 2019 Find out what embarrassing stuff the dumbass stars and planets have in store for you this week! 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kahlilah Kilgore - 20/10/2019 16:00 Touching story Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML I agree, your life sucks 951 You deserved it 439 4 1 12 144 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By irony, huh? - 20/10/2019 14:00 Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML I agree, your life sucks 1000 You deserved it 75 7 4 11 72 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Paulie89 - 20/10/2019 12:00 Bullshit quack chiropractor on the loose! Today, I told my family how my wrist has been hurting for almost a week. My aunt’s chiropractor boyfriend then decided he could help by suddenly pulling my hand as hard as he could. Not only did my wrist pop and cause me more pain, but my shoulder got dislocated. FML I agree, your life sucks 1388 You deserved it 94 7 2 116 9 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00 - France Running gag Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML I agree, your life sucks 1470 You deserved it 201 88 3 21 38 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sierra Madre - 20/10/2019 04:00 Time for an intervention Today, I got yelled at all day at work, only to come home and get yelled at by my husband. FML I agree, your life sucks 1315 You deserved it 118 92 1 26 8 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, Two weeks after the transmission in my 15-year old vehicle gave out, and one week after paying over $2200 for the repair, I was involved in an accident... I agree, your life sucks 34 You deserved it 4 0 Comments
Today, I went for a manicure. The girl looked at me and asked me when I was due. I'm not pregnant and I have been working out all summer. FML I agree, your life sucks 43 You deserved it 4 0 Comments
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put... I agree, your life sucks 1234 You deserved it 117 6 Comments
Today, I was having really great sex with my boyfriend. I was on top and he seemed like he was really enjoying it. Then, I realized he'd fallen asleep.... I agree, your life sucks 1111 You deserved it 184 9 Comments
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