FML : Your everyday life stories

Weirdest FMLs of the Day Most Commented FMLs of the Day

Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 22 October 2018 03:00 /

The Top 11 Funniest Tweets Of The Week

Here are our favorite tweets from this week!

By Tweety Bird - / Sunday 21 October 2018 19:00 / United States - New York

Pizza Time

That's amore...

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By FML Videos - / Monday 22 October 2018 00:00 /

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to tell her something important. Coincidentally, she did too. She wanted to tell me that she thinks she's actually gay. I wanted to tell her I love her. FML

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By Anonymous - / Sunday 21 October 2018 16:00 / United States - Trenton

Today, the car I've been saving up for three years, which I bought three weeks ago, was hit by my neighbor who was texting. While it was parked. In my driveway. FML

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By sadmoscatogal - / Sunday 21 October 2018 17:30 /

Today, I went to switch my phone number to a new carrier. During the credit check, I was told that I couldn't because I already had an active account. This came as a surprise, as I've never had an account with that carrier. Time to file a fraud claim. FML

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By News to Me - / Sunday 21 October 2018 15:30 /

Today, I drove a total of 4 hours for my boss to demote me, downgrade my pay, and make the kid I hired my new boss. Why? Because I asked about the $500 missing from my paycheck. FML

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By Dino - / Sunday 21 October 2018 14:00 /

World

Bosnia and Herzegovina

Today, I had to go to the hospital because I broke my leg in a sex accident. The doctor is my boyfriend's mom. I had to explain everything to her. FML

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By slaya - / Sunday 21 October 2018 13:30 / Bosnia and Herzegovina - Visoko

Today, my 4 year old son excitedly asked me if he'd get to see drones at the zoo. He apparently thinks drones are living creatures. I guess I can go ahead and spend his college savings on shoes. FML

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By madessalarouge - / Saturday 20 October 2018 23:00 / United States

Getting The Party Started

Bird's gone wild!

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By FML Videos - / Sunday 21 October 2018 00:00 /

Today, I was feeling a bit randy, so when my boyfriend got home, I jumped on him and gave him a proper deep-tongue kiss. I noticed he tasted a bit weird, so I asked him when he last brushed his teeth. His answer: the day we had dinner with his mother. That was 2 weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 20 October 2018 22:00 /

Today, I emailed my boss to let her know I was uncomfortable working over what my university’s 28-hour policy allows. She demanded I work 40 hours this week. In any other job, I'd be fine, but if I work over 28 hours, the university will fire me. If I refuse to work 28 hours, my boss will fire me. FML

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By Why me. - / Saturday 20 October 2018 11:30 / United States - Kent

Here Are The Top 10 Comments Of The Week!

See if you made the list!

By Chairman Meow - / Saturday 20 October 2018 10:00 / United States - New York

Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML

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By Dan - / Saturday 20 October 2018 15:30 /

Today, I found out that while I was in the ICU for having had a life-threatening seizure, my boyfriend was out partying with other girls. His excuse was that he needed to find a new girl if I died. FML

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 20 October 2018 14:00 /

Today, my first day at my new job, a guy decided to pay all his parking fines in one go. All £2300 of them. Yes, he did decide to pay it in pennies. Wheelbarrows and buckets full of pennies. That's 230,000 pennies. Guess whose job it was to count them. FML

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By Anonymous - / Saturday 20 October 2018 13:30 /

Today, I woke up with greasy hair, despite taking a shower last night. After washing my hair several times and it not going away, I realized that yesterday I put aerosol deodorant in my hair instead of hairspray. FML

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By Hair problems - / Saturday 20 October 2018 12:00 /

World

Australia

Today, my fiancée and I saw my parents at a store. This would've been a nice surprise if it wasn't a sex shop. FML

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By Fuckkkk - / Saturday 20 October 2018 14:00 / Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, I was watching a TV show with my 7-year-old niece. A scene came on where the main character was being tortured, and the one torturing him said "I'm gonna make you scream." Without hesitating, I said, "Oh, kinky." My niece turned to me and asked, "What does kinky mean?" FML

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By Lily Cakes - / Friday 19 October 2018 20:00 / United States - Clarksville

Giant Nose Sculpture Stolen From Family's Porch

The kids are emptying their piggy banks to offer a reward for its return.

By Gloria Borger - / Saturday 20 October 2018 01:22 /

Internet vs IRL

It's all fun and games until there's nothing between you.

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By FML Videos - / Saturday 20 October 2018 00:30 /

Today, I got denied a refund for my dream coffee machine. I've overdrafted my bank account to buy it on Offer Up for an excellent price, but USPS delivered the package to a wrong address. Someone got it for free. Offer Up won't refund me because it says "delivered" on the tracking page. FML

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By Le Dookie - / Friday 19 October 2018 15:00 / United States - Sugar Land

Ouch

Trust no one. Nothing.

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By FML Videos - / Friday 19 October 2018 12:30 / United States - New York

Today, I discovered that my dog knows how to lock doors. This wouldn't have been a problem if anyone in my house every carried a key. FML

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By wished i had a cat - / Friday 19 October 2018 17:30 /

Bridezilla Sends Out Itemized Bill After Bachelorette Party

The petty tab broke it down to pennies!

By Gloria Borger - / Friday 19 October 2018 16:40 /

Today, after explaining that I never want kids, I was asked, "Are you sure? I have really strong swimmers." FML

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By Anonymous - / Friday 19 October 2018 15:30 /

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

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By Anonymous - / Friday 19 October 2018 14:00 /

Today, as I was taking the garbage out, I tripped over my own feet, causing my knee to dislocate in such a way that it shattered the back of my kneecap and fractured my femur. I guess I won't be taking the garbage out again anytime soon. FML

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By Anthony Hathaway - / Friday 19 October 2018 13:30 /

Today, my wife went into the bathroom at Walmart. Being almost sure there was no one else in there, I stood around the corner to scare her. As the door opened, I jumped around the corner and scared an innocent woman to so badly she peed herself. FML

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By Anonymous - / Friday 19 October 2018 06:00 / United States

Today, my parents installed an air freshener above the toilet. While I was standing to pee, it sprayed me in the face. FML

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By Unlucky - / Thursday 18 October 2018 23:00 / United States - Altoona

FML

Nearly

Today, my mentally disabled brother chose to come out to our entire southern family while he was giving a eulogy at our grandfather's funeral. FML

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Today a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint as we were leaving the church where I just married my husband. As I was staring at this...

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World

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Bosnia and Herzegovina

Today, I had to go to the hospital because I broke my leg in a sex accident. The doctor is my boyfriend's mom. I had to explain everything to her. FML

Australia

Today, my fiancée and I saw my parents at a store. This would've been a nice surprise if it wasn't a sex shop. FML

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Photos

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Spicy

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming...

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Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of...

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You deserved it

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