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Today, after having diarrhoea all week, my girlfriend dragged me to London. Expecting to not be able to find a toilet, I decided to fast for the day. We spent 3 hours wandering the food stalls of Camden market with her friends. So many free samples I had to refuse… FML

By superdrinkingbud - / Saturday 17 June 2017 23:17 / United Kingdom - Bournemouth
FML - The follow-up

Today, I found out that the small town I moved to to escape the crowds is actually a popular tourist spot in the summer. The majority are unbathed. I work in retail at the only convenience store, and the temperature has hit triple digits. FML

C8H18 Say more :
OP, here. Being a small town of 200 hundred people there's really not much information when I did searches. Even the realistate agent didn't mention it. I've found that the tourists only know if it because they live in the sourrounding cities a few hours away and simply searched for lakes in the area. Unfortunately this "lake" they're vacationing to isn't really a lake. It's a man made reservoir for...
By Save Me - / Friday 16 June 2017 06:15 /
FML - The follow-up

Today, my mother won two tickets in the Hamilton ticket lottery. My siblings joked that we would finally find out who the favorite child is. Who ended up going to the show? My two sisters. FML

Druu Say more :
OP here! I finally got an FML published -- wooo! [Gimme them badges! I should have two gold ones coming my way!] I'm the eldest child, and I already made plans to go fishing that night, so I wasn't really in contention anyway. (Though I would gladly have abandoned those plans if it didn't mean bailing on someone else.) As for which Hamilton, the REAL one on Broadway. :-P I did consider offering a bribe...
By Druu - / Monday 5 June 2017 05:42 /
FML - The follow-up

Trapped 2: The Bathroom strikes back!

Today, I woke up hungover, locked in my bathroom. This wouldn't be a problem, except in my drunken stupor, I snapped the key. I live alone and there's no windows. FML

UberAwesone Say more :
OP here, I live in Indonesia, and most bathrooms here have seperate keys instead of a toggle. Thankfully, my brother has a spare house key, I was able to call him over and get him to call a locksmith to get me out. I posted this FML while we were waiting for the locksmith to come by.
By UberAwesone - / Saturday 17 June 2017 18:29 / Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, my brother and I got our first tattoos. He got his dedicated to our grandfather who passed away a few years ago, while I got mine dedicated to my mom. My grandmother doesn't like tattoos, but loves his and considers it "meaningful and sentimental," while mine is a "tramp stamp." It's on my leg. FML

By Bambi122913 - / Saturday 17 June 2017 20:17 /
World
Italy

Today, I wanted to cancel my internet contract. At the store, they told me I have to cancel by phone. On the phone, they tell me I have to do it via the internet. On the internet, it says they will have a customer support agent call me. Finally, he called me to tell me that the only way to cancel is to send a letter by post. FML

By Anonymous - / Monday 29 May 2017 17:30 / Italy

Today, my 5-year-old cousin came over. We were on the trampoline in my backyard when he fell off and started crying and screaming. While I was trying to comfort him, my mom came out yelling at me for "pushing him off the trampoline" and grounded me for a month. FML

By Kate - / Saturday 17 June 2017 06:16 /

  Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

By FidoForever - / Saturday 17 June 2017 05:51 /

Today, while serving at my restaurant, a mother acted as a wing-woman for her son by insisting I read a note he'd written, asking for my number. I had to awkwardly reject the guy in front of his entire family, before having to keep serving them for another hour. FML

By kill me - / Saturday 17 June 2017 02:59 /
World
France

Today, now that my daughter is going through a phase where she can't sleep alone, I let her sleep in the room with me under the condition that she let me sleep. Message received. She took care not to wake me while placing about 30 stickers in my hair. FML

By Elmine - / Monday 29 May 2017 17:24 / France
FML - The follow-up

Today, as a waiter, I was bringing drinks to a table that included a 3-month-old baby. I accidentally spilled a beer on the baby. FML

Tiny Terror Say more :
Hi, I submitted this FML. I'm not the waiter, but I was part of the table he was serving. It was my sister's baby and while she was upset, by the end of the dinner she realized mistakes happen. We just changed the baby, cleaned/wiped things up and had to do some laundry that night!
By dangerwaiter - / Tuesday 13 June 2017 02:52 /
FML - The follow-up

Today, I found out that my divorced father is moving 3 houses down the street with his girlfriend, with whom he cheated on my mom. He will now be living 3 houses away from my mother. FML

TheDword Say more :
Hey guys OP here, i cant believe this got featured especially as incoherent as i thnk it is. To answer some questions i do kinda wish that they would get back together but it really was a mess of a family. As pathetic as it sounds i am living with my gf and her family since my mother, who knows that he is going to live there, currently lives with her mother and its rather packed. The house my father...
By Anonymous - / Thursday 15 June 2017 03:15 / United States - Spring Hill
FML - The follow-up

Today, I accidentally came out to my nan. She decided that this is unacceptable, and has made it her mission to 'convert' me. It's also the day we arrived in an isolated spot in Spain for a 20-day holiday. FML

Nightlark Say more :
Hey, OP here. Basically, I made a joke. I've just got back from uni so I'm not used to hiding parts of myself (I don't have to hide it around my mum cause she likes to pretend it doesn't exist). My nan was talking about me getting married, saying I needed to find Mr right. I made a joke about it being Mrs Right without thinking and here we are.
By Trappedinthecloset - / Friday 16 June 2017 01:11 /
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