All the FMLs

Bad news

By Its over - 20/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 12

Basic

By Sheldon Cooper says what? - 20/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Rialto

Today, my boyfriend is pissed at me and went so far as to equate it to cheating that I went out to eat with some friends. I’d love to go to a restaurant with him but he refuses to eat anything other than beef, cheese, white bread, and chicken nuggets. That man has the palate of a 4 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 19

All shook up

By Mike - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was, "I farted." Well, at least they all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 138

You deserved it 8 721

Placeholder

By Anonymous - 20/08/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, but he told me my position is a legal requirement that produces no profit, unlike every other employee, ergo if I’m feeling ungrateful about my generous wage, he will happily fire me and hire someone else at minimum wage, saving the company money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 42

For better and for worse

By Anonymous - 20/08/2026 00:00 - United States - Euless

Today, I'm getting a divorce after only three months because my wife accepted a job transfer that would require us to move across the country. I'm sorry but I do not want to be away from my kids or my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 63

Ravage me!

By Anonymous - 19/08/2026 20:00 - France

Today, wildfires are unfortunately ravaging a place dear to my heart, and displacing people. My family decided to offer accommodation to displaced people. That’s the story of how the man I am secretely in love with ended up sleeping in my bed and me, not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 48

It is though

By Timv86 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yelled at the top of her voice, "Stop following me, you freak." I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 213

You deserved it 3 129

Shifting the blame

By Anonymous - 19/08/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, I gave ice cream to a kid and apple pie to his dad. The kid decided to grab a literal handful of the dad’s pie which was steaming hot. Cue the kid screaming and the dad yelling at me for not telling his kid that the dessert, that WASN'T HIS, was hot and he shouldn’t touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 36

It's not me, it's you

By Anonymous - 19/08/2026 12:00 - United States - Suffolk

Today, after I tried to break up with my boyfriend, he said he won't give up on us and asked me to go to therapy. According to him, “You might need medication for how you feel.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 57

Mixed messages

By Barry - 19/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I learned that my wife lets our son play video games while I'm at work to "keep him out of her hair." We had agreed that he was forbidden from gaming until his grades came up, but apparently she can't be bothered to actually parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 46

Words of encouragement

By rolypoly - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last two miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 861

You deserved it 5 695

Born to die

By Anonymous - 19/08/2026 03:00 - India - Bhopal

Today, I found out my lifespan has been reduced by a year just because of where I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 84

Sneakin' around

By furry intruder - 19/08/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and asked if I'd seen her cat. I helped her search the hallway, basement, and garden for 30 minutes. We finally found it sitting inside my apartment, where I had apparently been living with it for three days without noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 117

Busted grid

By Tenant - 18/08/2026 22:00 - Canada - Quebec

Today, my cat knocked my phone into the bathtub. I grabbed it, dried it, and put it on the charger without thinking. Five minutes later, the bathroom lights went out and my landlord texted me asking why the fuses had tripped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 327

Evil little *****

By Anonymous - 18/08/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom - Camberley

Today, I was helping a friend tidy their garden and I lifted up a big sheet of plywood. Turns out there was a wasp nest under it. Also, turns out my friend knew it was there and let me disturb it because they “wanted to see what would happen.” About 600 fucking wasp stings, that’s what happens, you twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 49

Gullible

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Galt

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 933

You deserved it 5 496

Surveillance 24/7

By Traveller - 18/08/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my smart fridge sent me a notification saying the door had been left open. I ran downstairs, and discovered I had apparently connected the fridge to my phone correctly. For some reason, it was warning me about the open door in the hotel room three cities away that I'd stayed in last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 216

Damn birds!

By Anonymous - 18/08/2026 12:00 - France - Lille

Today, a pigeon flew into my apartment through an open window. I tried for 20 minutes to guide it back outside. It eventually left on its own, then immediately flew back in through the window again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 78

Do it again

By Not Kevin - 18/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Denver

Today, after I'd ordered a birthday cake with my name written on it, I went to pick it up but the bakery messed up and wrote the name of the person who ordered one right before me. I stood at the party smiling while everyone congratulated “Kevin.” I am not called Kevin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 81

My life

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Akron

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 727

You deserved it 4 197

Magical mystery tour

By Weird - 18/08/2026 03:00 - United States - Galveston

Today, I opened my fridge and found a single lemon, three sauces, and a 9V battery. I have no idea why the battery was there. I don't remember putting it there. I also don't remember owning anything that requires that particular battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 88

Better sorry than safe

By Dumb bitch (RIP Zeus) - 18/08/2026 00:00 - The Netherlands - Naaldwijk

Today, as I was preparing to clear an overgrown area of our yard, I treated my pants and shoes with permethrin, as ticks are a problem in my area. I told my girlfriend explicitly NOT to let the cat out for the day, as it is deadly to cats. She didn't listen and now I have to dig a grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 88

Quack

By Anonymous - 17/08/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I stopped at a park because a duck was following me. I assumed it wanted food, so I gave it a small piece of bread. It followed me to my car, waited beside the door, and then followed me across the parking lot. I may have accidentally adopted a duck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 122

It's the new fashion statement

By Anonymous - 17/08/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I was late for work and grabbed what I thought was my black coat from the hallway. Halfway to the bus stop, I noticed it was my roommate's dark bathrobe. I still wore it because going back would've made me even later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 269

Great idea for a prank

By Lordy - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Saudi Arabia

Today, I went to work to find a picture on my desk of me with my buttcrack showing put there by an anonymous person. FM

I agree, your life sucks 13 851

You deserved it 2 563

Alpha moron

By Anonymous - 17/08/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, after all my years of teaching, I may have met the most ignorant sack of sentient excrement on the planet. A man came into the office demanding his son be transferred out of my class because he can’t be an "alpha" if he’s being taught by a woman (read that as "bitch"). FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 61

The squits

By Nina - 17/08/2026 12:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, it’s my first full official day with my adoptive dad. To celebrate, he took me out to a fancy restaurant for lunch. Lunch was great. The ride home less so. Let’s just say spicy lunch plus upset stomach equals diarrhea, which makes for a smelly NOT fun ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 81

Powered up

By Super Genius - 17/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my computer mouse suddenly stopped working. Assuming it had died, I put a new battery in. It still didn't work. After spending several hours trying to understand what problem it could possibly have, I figured out that it helps if you don't put the battery in backwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 293

Rejection

By creditwhore - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year-old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 943

You deserved it 2 948

Slightly intoxicated

By Clare99 - 17/08/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, drunk, I tried to sneak quietly into my flat at 2 a.m. so I wouldn't wake anyone up. I stepped on the one squeaky floorboard, dropped my keys, kicked my left shoe into a door, and somehow knocked a framed picture off the wall. My flatmate texted me from her bed, “You OK out there?” FM

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 320

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 698

You deserved it 3 332

Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 961

You deserved it 2 503

Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 248

You deserved it 7 109

Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 626

You deserved it 8 505

Today, my wife got drunk and stopped for a pee against the wheel of a parked police car, with three coppers and a dog inside it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 235

Today, I woke up to find my 8 year-old on my phone, reading explicit messages between my boyfriend and me. Apparently, having a password that is a jumble of random letters and numbers is too easy for her to guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 523