FML : Your everyday life stories

Weirdest FMLs of the Day Most Commented FMLs of the Day

Today, I wasn't sure whether it was past the time when they stopped giving out parking tickets. I checked the meters on either side of my car, and both were expired, so I figured I was good. I came back out to all three of us having tickets. FML

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By Maggie - / Friday 22 February 2019 00:00 /

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By - / Thursday 21 February 2019 20:00 /

Today i had a anxiety attack about taking my anxiety medicine. FML

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By - / Thursday 21 February 2019 17:00 / United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML

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By "Noelle Diane Irwin" - / Thursday 21 February 2019 16:00 /

Today, I got laid off from my new job and have to from NJ back to Texas. My old Texan home was condemned and I can't stay in NJ. The cable company told me my 30 day money back guarantee window for my TV internet phone and home security was over 3 days ago and they want $850 in cancellation fees. FML

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By Rock and Hard Place / Thursday 21 February 2019 14:00 /

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a massive argument because I suggested he should get a part-time job while studying. The same boyfriend that i have been supporting for almost a year of him being unemployed. Im paying his rent, bank loans, gym and food.. FML

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By notsoclever - / Thursday 21 February 2019 23:47 / Australia - Ashfield

Today, my mom came home crying. I held her and asked her what was wrong. She told me that we are probably gonna have to re-home our two horses, which we’ve had for 10 years, due to her extensive medical bills. FML

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By Anon / Wednesday 20 February 2019 14:00 / United States - Alachua

Today me and my hubby wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. He’s always wanted to eat food off my body but never wanted to deal with the mess. He got a little too excited and ended up biting my nipple instead of the spaghetti. I didn’t know someone was capable of biting that hard for soft food.

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By ouch / Wednesday 20 February 2019 18:00 /

Today was my moms wedding and I was the maid of honor! I was so excited to walk down the isle with my mom, but the church was so dry I got a bloody nose 5 minutes before going down. I couldn’t go down the isle or watch my mom go down either. I had to stay in the back and hold my nose up. FML

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By Blindjac - / Wednesday 20 February 2019 16:00 /

Today I found out that the man I've been seeing for the past 6 years had been seeing another woman for the past couple of months. On top of playing us both, he knocked up the other woman. FML

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By "fuckfuckfuck3" - / Wednesday 20 February 2019 14:00 /

Today, I got yelled at for doing too much at work because it 'makes the other employees look bad'. FML

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By / Wednesday 20 February 2019 12:00 /

Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from sex god to just a dad. Idk either. FML

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By Anonymous / Wednesday 20 February 2019 04:00 /

Today, I went to the pharmacy to get my medicine for my nausea because I am pregnant. I got the instructions and they're supposed to be placed in my rectum... my fiance openly read the instructions out loud and a older in the back guy said " Hey, now time to buy gloves! " FML

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By Lydeara - / Wednesday 20 February 2019 02:00 /

Today I pulled extra overtime so after a 17 hour workday I got home and decided to just collapse into bed fully clothed, only I had left my iPad on the bed near the pillow, so I heard three loud crunches as I broke my iPad screen, my only pair of glasses, and my nose all at the same time FML

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By headbutt butthead - / Wednesday 20 February 2019 00:00 /

Today, our family got a new car and my 18-year-old cousin went for a test drive. When he returned, the news we got were my half-brother saying, “Don't worry, dad, it's still got two tires!” FML.

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By Petra - / Tuesday 19 February 2019 20:00 /

Today, my wife started talking dirty during sex. I thought of a meme I saw about using your customer service voice for dirty talk and I laughed until I went soft. She's never done that before, so she thought I was laughing at her. She's still mad. FML

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By Anonymous / Tuesday 19 February 2019 18:00 /

Today, my boss talked to me, and from now on, I have to work 3 hours more every day. Apparently I was always leaving early till now, and no one had the heart to tell me because I looked so bored. FML

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By deerling - / Tuesday 19 February 2019 16:00 / Germany - Bielefeld

Today I got my W2 in the mail. I also found out that my ex and his new wife are trying to claim my son on their taxes. This is the same wife that insisted not only is my ex not his father, my son shouldn’t be able to visit when her kids around and that my ex shouldn’t pay child support. FML

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By tax season blues - / Tuesday 19 February 2019 05:00 / United States - Hesperia

Today, I sent a very strong email to another team who have been making mistakes on a regular basis, explaining that they need to be more accurate. When signing off the email, I finished with "regards", well at least I meant to, but actually wrote "retards" . FML

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By Himmelblau - / Tuesday 19 February 2019 12:00 /

Today, I had a doctor's appointment and I was told of a possible heart disease after a year of multiple types of arrhythmia from an unknown source. Heart health issues at the age of 36. FML

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By - / Tuesday 19 February 2019 04:00 /

Today I was continuing to potty train my toddler and she pooped on herself. I cleaned her up and we went over where her poo poo is supposed to go multiple times and sent her on her way. An hour later when I smelled poop again I was pleasantly surprised to find her pooping in my closet...FML

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By - / Tuesday 19 February 2019 02:00 /

Today I told my boyfriend that I didn't feel secure in our relationship and he responded by telling me that I should start taking meds...FML

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By - / Tuesday 19 February 2019 00:00 /

Today I finally had the courage to break up with the father of my child. When I got to my parents house they were happy, but after explaining that I was gonna spend some time with them, they called him and told him that they don’t accept devolutions... FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 18 February 2019 20:00 /

Today, I found myself crying my eyes out over my two favourite fictional characters deaths. It happened over 6 years ago and has affected me more than real peoples deaths. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 18 February 2019 18:00 /

Today the family posted my mother in law’s obituary. My husband was listed as a survivor, with no mention of me, while all the other spouses were named. Also listed as a survivor—his ex-wife. FML

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By Suzie - / Monday 18 February 2019 16:00 /

Today I got stressed and well lets just say I got carried away, pulled most of my eyelashes off one eye, and now I have to find falsies that look real...FML

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By Jocelyn - / Monday 18 February 2019 12:00 /

Today I found out I sleep walk, I came too in my brothers room pissing in his cloths hamper, the worse part is, that this explained a couple other moments in my past, FML

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By Ughhhh - / Sunday 17 February 2019 20:00 / United States - Valparaiso

Today, during my lunch break I sat on the managers chair and as I sat down I heard a snap sound, and I ended up on the floor.. Everyone now calls me the "lumpy girl" who broke the managers chair. FML

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By Umlungu23 - / Monday 18 February 2019 00:00 /

Today our baby set off my wife's rape alarm which I then tried to turn off. So when other people heard a rape alarm and saw a 6 foot man with his hand in the breast pocket of a 5 foot woman's coat who is carrying a crying baby I suppose being punched in the nose by a passerby was inevitable FML

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By Mad Gerald, Mr Rat and Mr Key - / Sunday 17 February 2019 20:00 /

Today my boss and the director of my office came by to discuss a change to the doors. It was at that moment my stupid possessed tablet in my bag opened pandora to "show tunes" and played 'the internet is for porn'. FML

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By Tank - / Sunday 17 February 2019 11:00 / United States - Mcpherson

FML

Nearly

Today, my boss told me she doesn't care if customers complain and told me I needed to leave my desk with a line of 10+ people waiting to be helped because...

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Today after literally 1000s of texts, hours of chats and banter, my co-worker and i admitted that we love each other but can’t leave our own partners for...

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Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Australia

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Photos

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Spicy

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we...

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Today, my husband left his cellphone unlocked so I decided to go through it. I found 10 texts threads from 10 different women, one of them from my 18 year...

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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