• Submit your FML
  • Moderate the FMLs
  • Log in
    • Login via
      Facebook Twitter
      or
      Forgot your password?
      New here? Join the FML community
  • Home
  • Random
  • Spicy
  • Random Spicy
  • Almost FML
  • The Top
  • Even more FMLs
    • FML News
    • Photos
    • Videos
    • Blog
    • People
    • FML - The follow-up
  • Random
  • Moderate
  • Submit
Log in
  • Login via
    Facebook Twitter
    or
    Forgot your password?
    New here? Join the FML community
By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 17:02

I smell winter

Today, in my mom’s house, I can stay in one of two rooms: The one that's clean, tidy, quiet and has a comfortable seat… or the one that's warm. FML
I agree, your life sucks
83
You deserved it
12
0 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Sacha - 19/1/2021 08:01 - Canada

When nature calls

Today, while I was working in a grocery store, a costumer decide to take a dump on the ground after I told him he couldn’t access to restrooms because my boss closed them due to COVID restrictions. FML
I agree, your life sucks
216
You deserved it
31
3 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 11:01 - Germany

Sing me to sleep

Today, there are two parts to my life: The 12 hours I spend in bed each night trying to fall asleep, with limited success, and the 12 hours I'm up and trying *not* to fall asleep, also with limited success. FML
I agree, your life sucks
276
You deserved it
30
3 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 07:59

Bottom of the list

Today, after my boyfriend used to tell me that, with his demanding job, he just didn’t have the time or energy for a meaningful conversation with me. Thanks to COVID, he works 90% less now, finding time for online college, cooking and new furniture, yet didn’t invest even one extra minute into our couple. FML
I agree, your life sucks
309
You deserved it
63
6 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 05:02

Sticky situation

Today, my boss keeps pointing out similarities between his wife and me. I genuinely dislike her, and have feelings for him. FML
I agree, your life sucks
132
You deserved it
396
4 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 02:01

On a scale of 1 to Annoying…

Today, I was telling my friend how much I love my 20-year-old kitchen scale, because it has this one handy function that even new ones don’t have. Later, my mom melted it on the stove and isn’t even convinced she should buy me a new one. FML
I agree, your life sucks
416
You deserved it
33
3 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 23:01

Supportive

  Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent me 5 pictures of his wife in a small bikini, saying, “Guess who doesn’t have your problems?” FML
I agree, your life sucks
494
You deserved it
99
3 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 20:01

Neuter your pets

Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML
I agree, your life sucks
225
You deserved it
657
5 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 17:01

Can't feel my tongue

Today, I was using the same metal spoon to stir boiling noodles and the pasta sauce I was heating up. I decided to taste the sauce and see if it was getting warm, forgetting that the spoon was sitting in boiling water three seconds earlier. FML
I agree, your life sucks
190
You deserved it
562
1 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 14:01

Lazy git

Today, my fiancé was offered a job by my boss working as a dishwasher. This is awesome, especially since he just got fired from his last job. When I brought it up, his reply was, "I don't want to work as a dishwasher." I guess beggars can be choosers. FML
I agree, your life sucks
644
You deserved it
115
6 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 11:01

If it quacks like a duck, it's a quack

Today, we got the news that my dad will be dying of Covid. My mom, former nurse, still insist it's a hoax and that the holistic route will cure him. FML
I agree, your life sucks
796
You deserved it
47
4 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Ouch - 18/1/2021 08:02

Fragile

Today, I'm 3 days post-partum and my husband accidentally jabbed into my side while flopping onto the couch. FML
I agree, your life sucks
564
You deserved it
63
0 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 04:58

Impressive

Today, a small fly was harassing my face, then it landed on a book next to me. I waved at it to make it leave, but it didn't. I got my fingers closer to it, to scare it off. Instead, it jumped on my finger as a playful parrot pet, spent a moment there, and flew off. I cannot even intimidate a fly. FML
I agree, your life sucks
430
You deserved it
128
2 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 02:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Organisation rules

Today, my college is so intent on teaching us teamwork that we hardly ever get to do any assignment by ourselves. Even if we could do it better alone. Even if we spend half our time trying to find a slot where all the team members are free to meet. And of course it’s a different team for each task. FML
I agree, your life sucks
583
You deserved it
47
5 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By malicemassacre - 17/1/2021 23:01

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

Today, I found out that the rivalry between my boyfriend and my only friend I have in this city was just a cover up. I'm now a single mom of a 2 year-old and a 5 month-old. FML
I agree, your life sucks
770
You deserved it
107
5 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 14:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Cabin fever

Today, the only thing more unbearable than lockdown is lockdown with sloppy roommates, who do nothing but complain about each other behind their backs to me, and also bring up past events like a broken record. FML
I agree, your life sucks
557
You deserved it
58
4 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 10:59 - United States - Farmingdale

What a tit

Today, I stabbed myself in the nipple with scissors trying to cut an opening in the supposedly hands-free pumping bra I just bought. I breastfeed my 5-day-old. FML
I agree, your life sucks
549
You deserved it
231
2 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 13:59

Check these out, guys!

Today, instead of forwarding my male boss my Covid screening results, I sent him and the entire leadership team an email offer for testosterone boosters. FML
I agree, your life sucks
246
You deserved it
544
3 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 11:01

Technology hates humans

  Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks
799
You deserved it
167
8 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 01:59 - Jamaica - Kingston

Thanks for being so compassionate

Today, and for the past year, I've been struggling with depression because of family life. I've been talking to my mom for the past weeks, telling her things that happen when she isn't home as a way to build trust. I finally told her I have depression and have had had it for a long time. She laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks
730
You deserved it
50
2 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 21:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Seize the day

Today, I asked my boyfriend what would happen if I didn’t get into the same school as him. He replied, "Then we’ll just break up." We broke up. I still don’t know what school I’m going to. FML
I agree, your life sucks
578
You deserved it
103
1 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By kikuhime - 17/1/2021 02:01

Oh, hello

  Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1242
You deserved it
64
9 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 23:01

Unloveable

Today, I was paired up with a girl in my class for a project. She started crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks
720
You deserved it
60
3 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Kayla - 16/1/2021 11:02 - United States - Wenatchee

Never name-drop

Today, I had a job interview. I have another job I want to leave, but haven't said anything yet. At the interview, I mentioned where I worked, and the interviewer name-dropped my manager. She then told me he was her step brother. So much for not wanting my manager to know. FML
I agree, your life sucks
839
You deserved it
111
4 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 12:01 - Canada - Charlottetown

No, not them!

Today, after there was only one family that hated me enough to beat me up when we were kids, and we still don't get along as adults, my youngest brother is now dating into that family, and one of my older brothers is dating into that family too. It's like some kinda sick curse, or karma. FML
I agree, your life sucks
614
You deserved it
85
2 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 14:01

Slow moving accident

Today, I got into an accident, driving pretty slowly on a left turn signal trying to avoid a curb, sticking it out for too long, breaking a car's sideview mirror and causing scratches. The police was called. I have to appear in court for a misdemeanour for my first offence ever. Good bye student visa. FML
I agree, your life sucks
479
You deserved it
308
3 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 04:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Hello?

Today, my friend's phone rang in class and my teacher thought it was me, so now I have detention for a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks
646
You deserved it
62
4 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 08:01

Unfortunate

Today, I was eatings a bag of chips when one of the pieces broke off into a sharp point and when I chewed it, it stabbed into my gums. When I got up to wash the blood out of my mouth, I hit my big toe on my desk corner. FML
I agree, your life sucks
674
You deserved it
93
2 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By Asl94 - 16/1/2021 05:01

Are you calling me a fatass?

Today, my mom asked me what I wanted as a gift, so I said a Cricut machine. She replied, "You don’t need exercise equipment, you need to eat healthier." A Cricut is a sticker maker. FML
I agree, your life sucks
598
You deserved it
95
1 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
By punkiebrew - 16/1/2021 02:01

Bacon lovers unite

Today, my oven door fell off when I was trying to take out the bacon I was cooking. Why? Nobody hates bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks
449
You deserved it
82
1 Comments
Favorite
  Tweet
  Share
Next
Nearly  
Today my therapist tells me to keep a list of things I am thankful for. The only thing I can come up with, that I am genuinely thankful for, is the fact...
I agree, your life sucks
17
You deserved it
3
0 Comments
Today, I arranged for the President to give a speech in Alamo, Texas. His advance crew instead notified The Alamo in San Antonio, Texas to set up the event....
I agree, your life sucks
46
You deserved it
25
1 Comments
See all the Nearly FMLs
  Spicy
  Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent...
I agree, your life sucks
494
You deserved it
99
3 Comments
  Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much...
I agree, your life sucks
799
You deserved it
167
8 Comments
See all the Spicy FMLs

We love new friends!

  • Other versions

    • Check out the app
    • Android
    • iOS
  • Even more FMLs

    • Almost FML
    • FML - The follow-up
    • World
  • Useful links

    • Contact
    • FAQ
    • Terms of use
    • The list of badges to find
    • Moderation ranking
  • FML around the world

    • Français (VDM)
    • English (FML)
© Beta&cie, All rights reserved


FML Download the app for Android Download the app for iOS

Account

Log in

FML

Moderate the FMLs Submit your FML

Rubrics

Random Spicy Random Spicy Almost FML The Top

Even more FMLs

FML News Photos Videos Blog People FML - The follow-up  FORUM

Connect to your account

Continue with Facebook Continue with Twitter
  or  
Forgot your password?
New here? Join the FML community

Submit your FML

Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel like sharing it with the other FML users? Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours.

File must not exceed 2 Mo

  • Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.
Please read our guidelines for posting

Submit your FML

Thank you, your FML was submitted it will appear in moderation soon !

...

...