All the FMLs

The limp

By xxxxx - 30/09/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I wore a new pair of shoes to work that I'd bought yesterday. Around lunchtime, I finally realised that one shoe felt slightly tighter than the other. I took it off and found some paper stuffing still inside. I'd spent five hours walking around with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 28

Optical illusion

By Anonymous - 30/09/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I got home and noticed my kitchen light was on. I was annoyed because I'd definitely switched it off that morning. Then I noticed that I'd left the curtains open. The sun was shining directly through the window onto the wall. I'd spent five minutes investigating sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 58

Fate

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got to work in the ER at the local hospital. A lady came in with high blood sugar. She was concerned because the same thing happened to her husband. I reassured her, telling her she'd be back with her husband in an hour or so. Her husband died four years ago from something similar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 582

You deserved it 7 658

GeoGuessr not so much

By food plz - 30/09/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I ordered takeaway and waited outside my building for the delivery driver. After ten minutes, he called and said he'd arrived. I told him I couldn't see him. He said he was standing outside my building. We were both outside different buildings with the same number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 25

Arbitrary recruitment methods

By Better company is calling? BYE!!! - 30/09/2026 12:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, during a job interview, the recruiters obviously ran out of ammo and were winging it. They made us do certain "activities" and one was by showing them our phone's wallpaper. Mine has a picture of a cute anime video game witch with a slight panty shot. Guess who got judged and did not move to the next stage? FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 211

Welcome home!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got home from college. Since I haven't seen my parents in almost a year, I sorta expected them to come meet me/pick me up at the airport. Nope. What did I get instead? A text from my dad saying, "I hope you have a key." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 489

You deserved it 3 506

A rock and a hard place

By Vicious cycle - 30/09/2026 03:00 - Germany - Essen

Today, after nearly three weeks of gastritis, my stomach has finally calmed down and I'm no longer feeling sick all day. Also today I woke up with a debilitating migraine and I can't function without taking pain medication. Guess how my stomach likes that… FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 54

BIKES!

By Anonymous - 30/09/2026 00:00 - Portugal

Today, I came down hard on the top bar of my bike, and crunched my balls. I felt sick almost immediately, and by the time I got home I was still nauseous, tender, uncomfortable, and very relieved to finally be able to rest with an ice pack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 74

Thnks…

By Anonymous - 29/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Portland

Today, it's my 66th birthday. My parents gave me a Stinging Cactus. It's already stuck me 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 74

The Blob

By Anonymous - 29/09/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband's five days of constipation came to an abrupt end when he woke up, farted, tried to dash to the bathroom but didn’t make it in time. He then proceeded to drop a log on the hallway carpet over a foot long, as thick as a can of Lynx antiperspirant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 41

Mixed messages

By mook - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my neighbor confessed to me that he was homophobic and regrets that his family doesn't know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining how much he would hate to have a gay child. I spent two hours last night convincing his son that it was the right thing to tell his family he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 488

You deserved it 5 757

Cat meet fish

By Am I gay…?? - 29/09/2026 15:00 - China - Shanghai

Today, I was riding on a bus while texting my online girlfriend that I've known her for two years, I asked her, “We’ve known each other for two years, shall we now meet each other publicly?” Next to me there was a 50 year-old man. As soon as I sent the message on my phone, I heard a ding sound from that man. Then he smiled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 138

Divine intervention?

By You’re not Mary, I know you cheated! - 29/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, we learned that my fiancée was having a cryptic pregnancy when she went to the hospital fearing food poisoning and came out with a baby. She never gained a pound or showed any symptoms at all. Even more miraculous is that we’re both women. Yeah my world is pretty much over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 83

Double trouble

By Anonymous - 29/09/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, as I bent over to pick up my baby, a wasp flew into my bra. I jumped up in a panic, flattening the wasp between my boob and my bra, where it stung me on the nipple, which is now swollen, a funny colour, and throbbing. Did I mention the nipple was already irritated from breastfeeding? FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 52

About time

By whatthehell - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that secondhand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 592

You deserved it 3 804

Suspect

By Anonymous - 29/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been actively cheating on me the whole relationship. When I called him out and showed him the evidence, he lied to my face, saying he didn’t know who sent the Facebook messages, but that it wasn't him and he did nothing wrong. He is constantly on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 67

How so?

By Anonymous - 29/09/2026 00:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I found out my girlfriend is stronger than me. She has stronger muscles than me, even her biceps, and she has average muscles for a girl. I do find it hot to be honest especially when she pins me in wrestling, but it's still a little embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 327

I'd like to speak to the manager

By Kyla - 28/09/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I'm living in a hotel and every morning during breakfast, I inspect the muffins and see hair under the clear wrap. This morning, I finally found no hair when looking at the muffins and I really wanted one. I peeled back the clear wrap and immediately revealed hair. Why is this place so disgusting? FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 72

Motherhood is wonderful

By Anonymous - 28/09/2026 20:00 - United States - Decatur

Today, I woke up at 4 a.m., my back sore from being twisted like a pretzel due to my toddler. I successfully moved him, then my sick baby woke up, tried to nurse, screamed because he couldn’t breathe through his nose, screamed because I suctioned his nose, tried to nurse a blanket, then screamed when I offered him an actual boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 81

Mommy issue

By MonsterInLaw - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Lincoln

Today, my 21-year-old girlfriend finally got the courage to tell her mom that she wanted to move in with me. It turns out she was right to be afraid; during the talk, her mother yelled at us, calling her a slut and saying she was too young to be "shacking up with some guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 431

You deserved it 6 130

Quite the question

By Slxxt - 28/09/2026 15:00 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I wondered if it's it weird when your “friends “ show up in the places where they refused to go with you, but then act surprised the next time they see you in the exact same place where you said you were going, or it is just me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 43

Dr Phil reruns

By Anonymous - 28/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Hampton

Today, I’m being kept awake in the middle of the night trying to distract myself with trashy TV as my entire foot radiates with pain. The surgery was a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 45

Busted

By Anonymous - 28/09/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss accused me of submitting fraudulent overtime claims. I proceeded to show him security footage of me at my desk for sometimes 18 hours a day, keeping the business from imploding. He then claimed he doesn’t actually have enough money in the accounts to pay me everything I’m owed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 67

Creeped out

By gymgirl - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 697

You deserved it 3 890

Unexpected

By Anonymous - 28/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Carrollton

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm expecting our second child. He ripped up the sonogram and yelled at me to "fucking get rid of it" while jabbing me in the chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 79

Make your move

By Stupid girl brain - 28/09/2026 00:00 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, it's been two weeks since my ex took me on a date and said honestly that he missed me and wanted to be with me. I said I was too busy, and he nodded, shrugged, and said OK. I haven't heard from him since and I can't stop thinking about him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 583

Ballsy move

By Anonymous - 27/09/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the woman who I punched in the face after I caught her on my porch snooping through my mail is pressing charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 120

Leech

By Anonymous - 27/09/2026 20:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me for telling his ex to stop taking financial advantage of him. She gets her hair and nails done, has three new pets in her house, and just bought the latest iPhone. But apparently, I'm the bad guy for suggesting that she's not really "struggling" as much as she claims to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 81

Thank you for your service

By forever1990 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - York

Today, I'm getting married. A few months ago, I allowed my mother in-law to take care of catering. She begged to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number and order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decided to order food I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 151

You deserved it 6 901

MVP

By Anonymous - 27/09/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss, whom everyone despises, noticed I did a good job, so he clapped me on the back, said more people should work like me, and that he knew he liked me for a reason. I’ve been getting absolute death glares from everyone, including my supervisor. Even the cleaning ladies are giving me evils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 47

FML on Facebook

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Random

Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 356

You deserved it 5 556

Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I thought it would be funny to tell him I was Iron Man and that nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later, he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 690

You deserved it 38 512

Today, I woke up to find out my cat pissed in my laundry from last night. This includes underwear, so I had to go commando. I grabbed an old T-shirt and pants at the bottom of a drawer and left for school. Turns out the pants had a hole in the crotch and my period was due. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 367

You deserved it 691

Today, while on a road trip, I stopped at a gas station and told my kids to go to the restroom. My youngest daughter said, "I had to go earlier, but not anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 170

Today, I tried to impress a French student by saying “Bonjour!” but instead said “Bordel!” which means “Brothel.” She laughed, and so did every one of the french students around us. My cultural street cred is officially dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 503

Today, I decided to sleep in since I didn't really have anything I had to do. I was woken up at 10:30AM thanks to a spam telemarketer. I turned my phone off and went back to sleep, hoping to wake up around noon. I woke up at 1:30PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 325