By ThisIsMyLife - 15/9/2019 12:00 Flowers (Nothing But) Today, I bought flowers with my groceries at the grocery store. After the cashier scanned them, he handed them back to me so they wouldn't get crushed in my cart. It was then that I realized he's the first man to ever hand me flowers. FML I agree, your life sucks 10 You deserved it 1 0 0 0 3 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MIA - 15/9/2019 06:03 Today, on Maury… Today, my husband of four years finally told me he has an eight-year-old son. FML I agree, your life sucks 354 You deserved it 23 0 1 32 5 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lonely - 15/9/2019 04:05 - Canada - Granby Saturday Night Fever-ish Today, I invited a bunch of friends over to hang out and watch a movie. It's been two hours since everyone was supposed to turn up, and no one has showed. Thanks, friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 453 You deserved it 29 28 0 3 6 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oh, good - 15/9/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Bath Poor Mickey Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 476 You deserved it 58 4 0 15 23 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ouch - 15/9/2019 00:01 Scratch that Today, after 4 days of using anti-itch cream for what pharmacists and nurses have called “an allergic reaction”, I was diagnosed with shingles. FML I agree, your life sucks 553 You deserved it 29 2 0 36 4 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Meowitzer - 14/9/2019 22:00 Classy Mom Today, I was elected "class mom", even though I didn’t want to do it. I was also handed several envelopes in the hectic school hallway, containing parental cash contributions for the year. I lost several of the envelopes while rushing to my car, and now have to contribute €100 instead of €25. FML I agree, your life sucks 496 You deserved it 371 22 0 9 10 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 20:00 It's only a bit of liquid fun, come on! Today, I asked the guy I'm dating if he could not drink on our next date, because he ends up drunk-driving every time. His response was, "This isn't working out." FML I agree, your life sucks 762 You deserved it 118 10 1 39 12 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 18:03 Protip Today, my endometriosis has reached stage 4 and has spread to many organs, including my colon. My constipation got so bad that my Apple Watch told me it was time to stand up. FML I agree, your life sucks 844 You deserved it 40 16 1 49 11 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 16:00 Dr House Today, I was trying to ease off a caffeine headache. I ended up getting a Brain Freeze. FML I agree, your life sucks 587 You deserved it 141 5 3 4 44 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Godalming TMI Today, I sent a photo of my flat to my mother to show her how tidy I’d made it. What I didn’t realise was that my lube and sex toys were also included in the photo of the bedroom. FML I agree, your life sucks 324 You deserved it 1059 4 1 8 93 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 12:00 - Australia - Cairns Wrong place, right time Today, a co-worker came back from his honeymoon. He passed by my office to say hi, and mentioned, "I heard you're getting married next year?" I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. He's taking his things out of the house as I write this. FML I agree, your life sucks 955 You deserved it 82 57 3 10 10 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 06:01 Boundaries, dude! Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 1270 You deserved it 92 46 4 53 13 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 04:01 - United States Try to do a nice thing… Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML I agree, your life sucks 1115 You deserved it 71 24 2 7 59 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lateralligator - 14/9/2019 02:02 Elvis has left the building Today, I realized I need to lose weight when I split my pants wide open while at my job directing a funeral, bowing to the casket in front of 200 silent devout attendees, during prayers. I picked that day to wear a red thong. FML I agree, your life sucks 972 You deserved it 343 7 1 57 56 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 00:02 - United Kingdom Scruffy 'erbert Today, I was in the garden of my new house when a neighbour came over and told me to clear off or she would call the owner to tell them they were being burgled. When I told her I was the owner, she said I was clearly unsuitable to be living on this street, and to stop lying before she called the police. FML I agree, your life sucks 1347 You deserved it 69 55 1 42 36 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pokeOww - 13/9/2019 22:00 Dash! Today, my brother thought it'd be hilarious to tease a group of Pokémon players. They thought it'd be hilarious to beat both our asses. FML I agree, your life sucks 704 You deserved it 851 7 2 8 80 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Gloria Lovestar - 13/9/2019 20:00 Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML I agree, your life sucks 1100 You deserved it 131 75 1 16 12 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alan - 13/9/2019 18:00 It's Friday the 13th: to Celebrate, here's 13 FMLs, Superstitions... and Black Cats! Why does Friday the 13th inspire so much superstition in so many people, while others don't even know what day it is? Why do we get... 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 13/9/2019 16:01 "At least you've got a job" - Mr. Missingthepoint Today, I drove an hour to work, did nothing for 8 hours, drove an hour back, and then studied for 4 hours. This has been happening for weeks. FML I agree, your life sucks 1002 You deserved it 188 49 2 4 16 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FMLMaximus - 13/9/2019 14:00 Warranties don't cover kids, do they? Today, my two year-old fell with a toy in her hand. The TV isn't even paid off yet. FML I agree, your life sucks 730 You deserved it 269 12 1 45 11 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 13/9/2019 12:04 This ain't gonna end well Today, my partner of 5 years and I sat down to talk because I expressed hope for a proposal in near future. He instead believed that we should wait, and talk about a potential future for us in another two years. FML I agree, your life sucks 1127 You deserved it 180 51 0 19 13 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 13/9/2019 06:02 - Australia - Perth Ninja! Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 1305 You deserved it 65 11 0 66 23 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 13/9/2019 04:01 - United Kingdom - Bristol Corporate hell Today, I found out I didn't get the promotion I applied for. Then I was told I was the only one who applied for the job. FML I agree, your life sucks 1372 You deserved it 98 53 2 19 22 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nurse - 13/9/2019 02:01 - Norway Boing! Today, I was giving a patient an injection when I heard a cracking sound and the needle was gone. Panicking, I got a doctor to have a look. The patient was sent to have x-rays to find the needle in her thigh. I then noticed the springback system in the syringe. FML I agree, your life sucks 865 You deserved it 719 6 4 34 80 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 13/9/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin The Conversationalist Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML I agree, your life sucks 947 You deserved it 243 46 2 2 31 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ooops - 12/9/2019 22:02 - Canada Baked Today, I kept smelling the pleasant odor of baking bread while driving around. Tonight, I realized that the smell of yeast was actually coming from a cup of moldy smoothie that got missed and left in a cup holder in the back of my car. FML I agree, your life sucks 932 You deserved it 396 8 1 20 78 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/9/2019 20:05 In the zone Today, I was flirting with a girl I like when she confessed she was into another guy. I then proceeded to wingman for that guy, telling her to take her shot with him before the chance went away. Effectively sticking myself into the friendzone. FML I agree, your life sucks 583 You deserved it 1184 18 4 4 54 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DogStew - 12/9/2019 18:00 Scooby snacks? Today, I had to watch my niece’s puppy. The darn dog kept finding turds in the yard and eating them. One turd had worms in it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1047 You deserved it 181 7 1 68 16 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tris - 12/9/2019 16:00 Talk is cheap Today, my co-workers keep making fun of me because I said, “You’re very so welcome.” They say it's not proper grammar, but honestly I can’t find anything that says I’m wrong. FML I agree, your life sucks 449 You deserved it 1462 41 3 7 43 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/9/2019 15:00 - Bulgaria - Sofia Get it on, bang a gong Today, I'm dating the perfect guy. He's smart, considerate, charming, funny, good looking and we have a ton of interests in common. He also can't get it up. At all. FML I agree, your life sucks 1336 You deserved it 156 32 1 54 32 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, the car that I just bought started to over heat. I've already replaced the thermostat and all the cooling lines. I've only had the car 2 weeks,... I agree, your life sucks 1 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
Today I had an argument with my boyfriend of 3.5 years so I went to sleep over at my moms house. The next day when I went to our apartment all of his stuff... I agree, your life sucks 18 You deserved it 5 0 Comments
Today, I sent a photo of my flat to my mother to show her how tidy I’d made it. What I didn’t realise was that my lube and sex toys were also included... I agree, your life sucks 324 You deserved it 1059 6 Comments
Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend.... I agree, your life sucks 1270 You deserved it 92 8 Comments
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