Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML

by pissedoff / 06/28/2016 at 7:53am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, after two months of rehersals, an actor in my theater company decided he was unhappy with the role I gave him, so he refuses to perform. We open tonight. FML

by TheaterMom / 06/28/2016 at 7:12am / Germany / Work

Today, whilst making a cake for my kids, I accidentally got some cocoa powder in my nose. Now it feels like my nose is burning stronger than the fires of hell. On the bright side, everything smells like chocolate. FML

by Evjoel / 06/28/2016 at 6:34am / Bermuda (Hamilton) / Kids

Today, my 16-year-old daughter handed me the picture she wants TV reports to use if ever she happens to get kidnapped. FML

by DesperateMother / 06/28/2016 at 6:12am / France (Alsace) / Kids

Today, while trying to go to sleep, I could hear snoring from my boyfriend's side of the bed. I'm not sure who was louder, him or the dog. FML

by Y U NO STFU / 06/28/2016 at 5:36am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm stuck in a ramshackle house that my aunt bought and moved everyone out to. Only one bathroom works, and she won't let us flush it because the house keeps flooding. Four people are stuck here with just one toilet filled with poop and urine, while she's been staying at a friend's house. FML

by queenariii / 06/28/2016 at 1:55am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, as a dentist, I was performing simple tooth extraction when I realized that the X-ray was flipped the wrong way the whole time. I had to lie to the patient that the tooth that I accidently extracted needed to go as well. FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2016 at 12:25am / Malaysia (Perak) / Work

EwahWeeWah's comment : Moron, tell the patient what you did and if you get sued then it's your fault and just accept it. People pay for that shit, they deserve a refund and your screwed them over.

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Today, I had the great pleasure of meeting my replacement, who was sitting at my desk in my office. My boss must've forgotten to mention to me that I've been fired. FML

by Anyonehiring / 06/27/2016 at 9:05pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I invited my friends to meet up at the park. After asking twice, I finally got the text saying to meet them there. But when I got there, I realized they had already been there for a while. As I was walking up to them, I heard, "Why did you invite him?" FML

by cavallo31 / 06/27/2016 at 8:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous

StormfrontX33's comment : Count how many people were present there. That's how many people you need to tell to go fuck themselves.

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Today, my six-year-old daughter organized a treasure hunt… for our cat. She hid the contents of an entire bag of cat food all around the house. FML

by seatle girl / 06/27/2016 at 8:43pm / France (Picardie) / Kids

Today, I waved money at a passing ice cream truck and it kept going. So apparently I can't even get a date with a Sno Cone. FML

by Scottie Too Hottie / 06/27/2016 at 6:49pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, after being constipated a few days, I used the restroom at a bar. It took a loooong time before I got out. As I went to exit the bar, only the employees were still there, waiting for me because they had closed 30 minutes ago. FML

by RosaMaravillosa / 06/27/2016 at 2:09pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous

WCARlover's comment : Just own it. Walk out that bathroom, hold your head high and say "wouldn't go in there if I were you"...but I'd probably find another bar to go to from now on ;)

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Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed to get it, I get my period just in time for vacations. FML

by hellolaina / 06/27/2016 at 12:33pm / United States (California) / Health