By Tytonic - 20/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Havertown First dinner Today, After my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me since there is so much blood. FML I agree, your life sucks 5 You deserved it 2 0 0 0 0 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By smelly situation - 20/1/2020 01:00 Something in the air Today, I was fired due to complaints that my shuttle stunk of gas. The smell was because I've been farting so bad on the shuttle. I did try to air it out but I guess it wouldn't leave. FML I agree, your life sucks 242 You deserved it 164 4 0 0 31 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/1/2020 20:00 Good bye! Today I was walking around the mall and I saw my crush from high school. He came up to me and instead of talking to him I burped, and he just walked away. FML I agree, your life sucks 504 You deserved it 213 3 0 4 53 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 19/1/2020 18:00 Romantic gesture Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML I agree, your life sucks 1524 You deserved it 52 50 3 136 13 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By swollenbutthole - 19/1/2020 14:00 - United States Who dares wins Today, and since forever, I've always been deemed "boring" for never trying anything risky. So, I got frisky one night and decided to try anal. I got hemorrhoids. FML I agree, your life sucks 1215 You deserved it 203 14 1 20 57 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By need not know - 19/1/2020 05:00 Still married Today, while fixing my dad's phone, I saw Tinder installed. He's still married to my mum. FML I agree, your life sucks 1331 You deserved it 95 19 3 63 14 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Isidora - 19/1/2020 01:00 - Canada - Toronto It is warm Today, my boyfriend felt my butthole and asked if I was farting because it was warm. FML I agree, your life sucks 1318 You deserved it 179 8 8 12 108 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Penny - 18/1/2020 20:00 Animated movies Today at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went zoo zoo... filia..? Silence. Wasn't until I got home an hour later I realized what I said. FML I agree, your life sucks 944 You deserved it 268 6 3 15 84 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/1/2020 18:00 Strange flight Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML I agree, your life sucks 1383 You deserved it 111 22 0 40 81 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ihmmil - 18/1/2020 14:00 Belly Finger Today, my husband was trying to be sexy. He asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger"! Major mood kill. FML I agree, your life sucks 1343 You deserved it 141 19 4 9 113 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/1/2020 05:00 Very frustrating Today my Assistant Manager decided to pull a prank on me by walking up behind me and screaming my name. I screamed in terror and then swung around and punched him full force dead center in the chest right in front of my supervisor, manager, and several other employees. FML I agree, your life sucks 1446 You deserved it 134 9 2 18 115 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 17/1/2020 20:00 After shower Today, my sister snuck into the bathroom while I was in the shower (the locks broke) and took my clothes and towels. I came out and quickly went to my room. As I went in, my sister was sitting on my bed with two friends watching TV. I instantly covered up, but they saw everything. FML I agree, your life sucks 1533 You deserved it 118 12 3 41 64 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 17/1/2020 18:00 Everything is clean Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML I agree, your life sucks 1807 You deserved it 126 19 2 133 78 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 17/1/2020 05:00 Nice pic Today, for the first time in my life, I sent a member pic to a girl I had been talking to for a few days on Snapchat. (she had asked me for it). She saw the pic, and blocked me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1279 You deserved it 697 35 4 18 119 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Whoisshe - 17/1/2020 01:00 Unknown number Today, I gave my phone number to a guy at the movie theatre. I was excited to receive a text a few minutes later, sure enough when I unlocked my phone I had received a message from an unknown number. It was his girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 1465 You deserved it 292 14 5 38 82 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Yoir mom - 16/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Port Richey Very bad idea Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML I agree, your life sucks 1327 You deserved it 357 16 5 66 37 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 16/1/2020 18:00 I am clumsy! Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML I agree, your life sucks 1267 You deserved it 1490 7 7 9 345 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By brown and sticky - 16/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Baltimore Food poisoning Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML I agree, your life sucks 1899 You deserved it 144 20 3 106 41 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 16/1/2020 05:00 Almost done Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time. Well, in the midst of going really wild, about to finish, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML. I agree, your life sucks 1438 You deserved it 304 8 8 11 153 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By startrekk - 16/1/2020 01:00 Greedy Today, at work, I was very hungry and I ate some of the staff burgers, although they seemed and smelled a bit off, I ignored it saying that nothing bad would happen. As I rushed back home to the toilet, I farted diarrhea everywhere. FML I agree, your life sucks 669 You deserved it 1762 14 5 25 100 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 15/1/2020 20:00 Secret shower Today, I tried to climb in the shower with my wife, except it was my mother-in-law, I just couldn't tell through the steam. Before I could leave, she tried to convince me to stay and that she'd keep it secret from her daughter if I did. At a loss for words right now. FML I agree, your life sucks 2270 You deserved it 424 13 6 186 130 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Oof - 15/1/2020 18:00 Keep calm please! Today, while things were getting hot and heavy with my boyfriend, we were making out and our nose rings got stuck together... it took us 20 minutes to get them unhooked. I was the calm one in the situation while my boyfriend nearly cried like a baby. I agree, your life sucks 1460 You deserved it 926 11 6 5 222 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By izzyizziz11 - 15/1/2020 14:00 What's wrong with me? Today, my best friend took me clubbing and this dude lifted up my skirt to see if I was a dude before he hit on me... FML I agree, your life sucks 2078 You deserved it 180 35 4 184 75 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By John Doe - 15/1/2020 05:00 After feeling Today, after I finished jerking off, I sneezed into the tissue with my semen. FML I agree, your life sucks 503 You deserved it 2548 11 7 9 263 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 15/1/2020 00:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport Sexy morning Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only in boxers. FML I agree, your life sucks 2172 You deserved it 209 24 5 132 68 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By teebs - 14/1/2020 20:00 - United States - San Leandro Long wait Today, on my way for a vacation, my car started misfiring, so I called a tow truck. 40 minutes later the tow truck arrived. He then said that he had just gotten another priority call, so he was leaving and someone would be back in another hour to get us. FML I agree, your life sucks 2094 You deserved it 125 73 5 47 7 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 14/1/2020 20:00 - Madagascar Delicious coffee Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML I agree, your life sucks 2268 You deserved it 292 24 12 64 266 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DeanVendetta - 14/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Moss Point Hide and seek Today, I decided to hide in a bush, so I can jump out and scare my boyfriend. Well after 10 minutes of waiting, he ran up to the bush and started peeing. All over me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1389 You deserved it 1248 7 2 18 231 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cam - 14/1/2020 05:00 - Sri Lanka - Colombo Long secret Today, I realized that my boyfriend is still scared of his ex. It's been 8 months and our relationship is still "secret." Why? Because he's scared that she will find out and tell his family about us. FML I agree, your life sucks 2184 You deserved it 346 105 4 26 34 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By irulan - 14/1/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London Single shot Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML I agree, your life sucks 1806 You deserved it 378 18 4 36 238 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, whilst babysitting my neighbour's five-year-old son, he called me a "fucking dumbass". Why? I called the jackal on The Lion Guard a coyote. Both... I agree, your life sucks 13 You deserved it 1 0 Comments
Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with... I agree, your life sucks 1524 You deserved it 52 5 Comments
Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he... I agree, your life sucks 1383 You deserved it 111 8 Comments
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