Your everyday life stories

Today, I visited my old job to pick up some paperwork. Since leaving over a year ago, I’ve lost over 60lbs, but I’m currently 6 months pregnant. Not a single person believed that I'm pregnant. FML

By nix1993 - 19/10/2019 21:00 - United Kingdom - Chorley

My Humps

148

Today, my mom told me my aunt was coming over. I told her I might have to work, and would be sad to miss her. My mom said, "Or, you know, if you're not there, it might be nice." FML

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 20:00

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

226

Today, I had a bad and very unenthusiastic one night stand and tried to quietly order an Uber while she was getting dressed. Turns out, she's an Uber driver and being as she was in the area, the alert came over her phone. She was furious. FML

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 18:00

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

360

182

Today, my boyfriend accused me of not coming home at all last week. The truth is, I was up and gone to work before him every morning, and I was home after he went to bed. He didn’t even bother talking to me or asking where I was last week, we both work 24/7 on-call jobs, and he knows this happens sometimes. FML

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 16:00

On call

435

Today, my friend reminded me that I have been on a ton of dates lately, but couldn't get a girlfriend because I thought something was off with them all. He also reminded me that I have dated every zodiac sign, meaning I'm out of options. FML

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 14:00

Astrology is bullshit, get better friends

339

199

Today, my country went on strike and is overthrowing the government, and I'm stuck on a night shift at work. FML

By Balphleair - 19/10/2019 13:00 - Lebanon - Saida

Fight the power!

509

Today, I'm ignored and bored so much at my dream job that I've started bringing in my fanfiction to write when no one is around. Which is 80% of the day. I'm training to be a civil engineer. My experience writing fanfiction should take me really far in my chosen career. FML

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 00:00 - New Zealand

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

552

152

Today, I was wearing a cute black dungaree dress with a purple top underneath. I thought I looked pretty good, until my son told me I looked like an evil Minion. FML

By Blue_belle - 19/10/2019 04:00

Observational Comedy 101

604

137

Today, after losing all my hair to chemo, I finally felt brave enough to go out without a wig or a headscarf. I expected some weird looks. I didn’t expect a woman in a store to point to me and tell her daughter, “See what feminism does to women? She’ll never have a husband, I bet!” FML

By bald&ugly - 19/10/2019 02:00

Empathy City

1114

Today, I accidentally overslept and missed a morning breakfast at work, one I never get to have when it happens. Not only did my boss say nothing about me being absent, he even asked me if the food was good. FML

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 00:01

Invisible Woman

653

213

Today, after establishing that we have no idea what's wrong with me, only that it's chronic pain, my doctor informed me that even though I've been dealing with increasingly worse symptoms for years, I'm not a "good applicant" for pain medication. FML

By Charity Taylor - 18/10/2019 22:00

Some pain, no gain

842

Today, I found out that I'm just one of the millions who got scammed by what seemed to be a legit website. None of the negative reviews or bugs appeared until after I spent a fortune of someone else’s money on a server that will never arrive. FML

By Eddie B - 18/10/2019 20:00

Scammed

677

314

By Alan - 18/10/2019 18:00

FML's Favorite Funny Fuck-Ups of the Week!

Here's a bunch of people (and animals) fucking up, or just not understanding how the world works. Relatable stuff, probably.

Today, our boat broke down in the middle of a lake at sunset. We called our friend for help, and his truck and trailer got stuck in mud at the boat ramp. We called the sheriff's office to tow his vehicle out of the mud. The tow strap broke. FML

By TabbyCat87 - 18/10/2019 16:00

Cursed lake

956

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 14:00

Back-seat parenting

1039

Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML

By GetFuzzy - 18/10/2019 12:00

Coach Class

280

1280

Today, I was texting the guy I like. I asked him why our friend didn't want to come to the movies with us. He replied, "She didn't want to be the third wheel, but it's not like I'm going to put the moves on you. I'm out of your league, and you're socially awkward anyway." That's just what I wanted. FML

By Sheev - 18/10/2019 06:00 - United States - San Francisco

This Charming Man

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129

Today, at work, I put my earphones in to listen to some music. An hour later, I realised I never pressed play. FML

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 04:00

Definitely done that

517

751

Today, it's my 16th birthday. It's also it is the day my parents scheduled my wisdom teeth to be pulled out. Happy birthday to me, then. FML

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 02:00

Birthday Boy

1098

107

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that yes, girls do get armpit hair, we just have to shave it. FML

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 00:02

Smash the Patriarchy!

1088

139

Today, I learned that, just like in the movies, your ex-boyfriend can eventually wind up being your stepfather. FML

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 22:00

Love is strange

1500

Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML

By erinbarto - 17/10/2019 20:00

Soon.

1008

Today, I woke this morning to my girlfriend asking me how many calories are in her deodorant. FML

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 18:00

Strange Diet

1045

136

Today, while riding the train, some druggie got into a dispute with some random passengers. Even though I didn't even look at them fighting, he decided I was a threat and punched me, a pregnant woman, and some bikers. Now I've got a black eye. FML

By InPain - 17/10/2019 16:00

The joys of public transport

1369

Today, for the first time in months, I wore my naturally curly hair instead of straightening it. Later on at work, a customer pointed at my hair and said, "Look, Bellatrix fucked a poodle." All my coworkers laughed. FML

By pinkpanther61789 - 17/10/2019 14:00

Thanks for the support, guys!

1301

Today, I found out via Facebook that my older sister just had another baby, a whole week ago, whose name is my middle name. No one told me. I didn't even know she was pregnant. FML

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 12:00 - Australia

Family Ties

1249

284

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 06:00

Had any calls lately?

641

1034

Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML

By randomsamm - 17/10/2019 04:00 - United States - Birmingham

Alas, poor Donatello

1506

163

Today, I got pulled over by a cop and got slammed with a ticket for expired tabs on my motorcycle. The DMV was literally across the street. I was heading there to get new tabs. FML

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 02:00 - United States

ACAB

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531