By Penny - 18/1/2020 20:00 Animated movies Today at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went zoo zoo... filia..? Silence. Wasn't until I got home an hour later I realized what I said. FML I agree, your life sucks 218 You deserved it 50 2 0 6 20 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/1/2020 18:00 Strange flight Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML I agree, your life sucks 365 You deserved it 31 9 0 12 28 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ihmmil - 18/1/2020 14:00 Belly Finger Today, my husband was trying to be sexy. He asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger"! Major mood kill. FML I agree, your life sucks 679 You deserved it 67 9 1 4 54 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/1/2020 05:00 Very frustrating Today my Assistant Manager decided to pull a prank on me by walking up behind me and screaming my name. I screamed in terror and then swung around and punched him full force dead center in the chest right in front of my supervisor, manager, and several other employees. FML I agree, your life sucks 833 You deserved it 76 6 0 4 70 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Olganator - 18/1/2020 01:00 New shampoo Today washed my hair and I saw a brand new shampoo my husband bought, thinking great, I washed my beautiful platinum hair with dye for grey hair. Now my platinum blonde turned into grayish blue. FML I agree, your life sucks 369 You deserved it 1114 9 4 8 61 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 17/1/2020 20:00 After shower Today, my sister snuck into the bathroom while I was in the shower (the locks broke) and took my clothes and towels. I came out and quickly went to my room. As I went in, my sister was sitting on my bed with two friends watching TV. I instantly covered up, but they saw everything. FML I agree, your life sucks 1114 You deserved it 86 6 3 35 48 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 17/1/2020 18:00 Everything is clean Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML I agree, your life sucks 1385 You deserved it 93 13 2 107 58 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 17/1/2020 05:00 Nice pic Today, for the first time in my life, I sent a member pic to a girl I had been talking to for a few days on Snapchat. (she had asked me for it). She saw the pic, and blocked me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1042 You deserved it 582 31 3 12 97 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Whoisshe - 17/1/2020 01:00 Unknown number Today, I gave my phone number to a guy at the movie theatre. I was excited to receive a text a few minutes later, sure enough when I unlocked my phone I had received a message from an unknown number. It was his girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 1243 You deserved it 246 11 4 31 71 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Yoir mom - 16/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Port Richey Very bad idea Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML I agree, your life sucks 1122 You deserved it 298 14 2 56 29 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 16/1/2020 18:00 I am clumsy! Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML I agree, your life sucks 1093 You deserved it 1259 6 5 7 285 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By brown and sticky - 16/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Baltimore Food poisoning Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML I agree, your life sucks 1660 You deserved it 125 19 3 89 33 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 16/1/2020 05:00 Almost done Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time. Well, in the midst of going really wild, about to finish, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML. I agree, your life sucks 1282 You deserved it 277 7 5 7 140 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By startrekk - 16/1/2020 01:00 Greedy Today, at work, I was very hungry and I ate some of the staff burgers, although they seemed and smelled a bit off, I ignored it saying that nothing bad would happen. As I rushed back home to the toilet, I farted diarrhea everywhere. FML I agree, your life sucks 612 You deserved it 1593 13 5 24 87 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 15/1/2020 20:00 Secret shower Today, I tried to climb in the shower with my wife, except it was my mother-in-law, I just couldn't tell through the steam. Before I could leave, she tried to convince me to stay and that she'd keep it secret from her daughter if I did. At a loss for words right now. FML I agree, your life sucks 2039 You deserved it 386 12 6 158 123 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Oof - 15/1/2020 18:00 Keep calm please! Today, while things were getting hot and heavy with my boyfriend, we were making out and our nose rings got stuck together... it took us 20 minutes to get them unhooked. I was the calm one in the situation while my boyfriend nearly cried like a baby. I agree, your life sucks 1315 You deserved it 854 8 6 5 205 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By izzyizziz11 - 15/1/2020 14:00 What's wrong with me? Today, my best friend took me clubbing and this dude lifted up my skirt to see if I was a dude before he hit on me... FML I agree, your life sucks 1933 You deserved it 169 31 4 162 71 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By John Doe - 15/1/2020 05:00 After feeling Today, after I finished jerking off, I sneezed into the tissue with my semen. FML I agree, your life sucks 467 You deserved it 2348 9 6 9 238 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 15/1/2020 00:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport Sexy morning Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only in boxers. FML I agree, your life sucks 2030 You deserved it 195 24 5 124 59 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By teebs - 14/1/2020 20:00 - United States - San Leandro Long wait Today, on my way for a vacation, my car started misfiring, so I called a tow truck. 40 minutes later the tow truck arrived. He then said that he had just gotten another priority call, so he was leaving and someone would be back in another hour to get us. FML I agree, your life sucks 2003 You deserved it 122 71 4 44 7 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 14/1/2020 20:00 - Madagascar Delicious coffee Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML I agree, your life sucks 2125 You deserved it 266 21 12 59 252 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DeanVendetta - 14/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Moss Point Hide and seek Today, I decided to hide in a bush, so I can jump out and scare my boyfriend. Well after 10 minutes of waiting, he ran up to the bush and started peeing. All over me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1323 You deserved it 1157 7 2 14 219 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cam - 14/1/2020 05:00 - Sri Lanka - Colombo Long secret Today, I realized that my boyfriend is still scared of his ex. It's been 8 months and our relationship is still "secret." Why? Because he's scared that she will find out and tell his family about us. FML I agree, your life sucks 2098 You deserved it 336 94 4 25 32 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By irulan - 14/1/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London Single shot Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML I agree, your life sucks 1729 You deserved it 362 17 4 34 220 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dumbass724 - 13/1/2020 14:00 - Canada - Brampton First day at work Today, it was my first day of work, and I was wondering why everyone was staring and laughing at me. I looked down and I realized that the fly on my jeans was open. FML I agree, your life sucks 1589 You deserved it 360 27 19 18 75 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 13/1/2020 18:00 Science teacher Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML I agree, your life sucks 1825 You deserved it 157 19 2 23 250 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fml - 13/1/2020 07:00 - United States - Huntsville Really! Today, after receiving our marriage certificate, I told my wife about it. She responded with "fml". FML I agree, your life sucks 1447 You deserved it 182 23 3 16 111 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By love you too honey boo - 13/1/2020 05:00 Dirty room Today, I sent a scantily clad pic to my boyfriend, to which he responded "Nice, but please clean your room". FML I agree, your life sucks 752 You deserved it 1768 9 6 3 221 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TheSadCatLady - 13/1/2020 01:00 Ugly contest Today at work, we had a fun thing called "ugly contest" where we dress up as ugly as we can. I decided to not join this year. I walked up there to look at the contest when someone said to me "sorry, no Professionals" and I did not even wear a costume. He thought I wore a costume on. FML I agree, your life sucks 1573 You deserved it 323 25 6 21 116 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rose101 - 12/1/2020 20:00 One toilet Today I was expecting to take a nice bathroom break, but to my horror, the toilet was filled with shit. I asked around to find the perpetrator. I found out that it was my dad, who just laughed it off. There's only ONE TOILET. FML I agree, your life sucks 1566 You deserved it 182 18 3 70 30 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Last night, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. Well we came home thinking me and him were gonna have sexy time. I got on... I agree, your life sucks 11 You deserved it 13 0 Comments
Today, I shaved my penis at the request at my girlfriend. She said that it still looked small. FML I agree, your life sucks 48 You deserved it 12 0 Comments
Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he... I agree, your life sucks 365 You deserved it 31 2 Comments
Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing.... I agree, your life sucks 1093 You deserved it 1259 8 Comments
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