By dazzla08 - 21/10/2019 02:00 - United States Fundies say the darndest things Today, my husband told me doesn't really love me. He only married me because we had a daughter, and his grandmother told him he had to so she wouldn't be "an abomination to God." FML I agree, your life sucks 216 You deserved it 18 4 0 16 1 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/10/2019 00:01 Seize the means of production! Today, there was a gas leak at work. We called the fire department, who advised us to evacuate the building. We called our manager to let her know, and her response was "Oh, don’t do that." My boss would rather let us die of carbon monoxide exposure than lose out on 3 hours of work. FML I agree, your life sucks 326 You deserved it 19 7 0 15 0 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ChiefKoala - 20/10/2019 22:00 This is America Today, it will be the third time since moving to this area that I will have to call out of work because of gunshots heard nearby, police looking for someone and advising us to stay indoors. FML I agree, your life sucks 430 You deserved it 36 7 0 18 5 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 20/10/2019 20:00 On yer bike Today, I replaced the fog lights on my car and completely filled my gas tank. $50+ later, the transmission decided it wanted to go out. FML I agree, your life sucks 479 You deserved it 31 13 1 8 5 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mystic Alan - 20/10/2019 18:00 FML's Weekly Horoscope - 20th of October 2019 Find out what embarrassing stuff the dumbass stars and planets have in store for you this week! 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kahlilah Kilgore - 20/10/2019 16:00 Touching story Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML I agree, your life sucks 518 You deserved it 222 0 1 7 57 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By irony, huh? - 20/10/2019 14:00 Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML I agree, your life sucks 577 You deserved it 42 4 2 7 39 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Paulie89 - 20/10/2019 12:00 Bullshit quack chiropractor on the loose! Today, I told my family how my wrist has been hurting for almost a week. My aunt’s chiropractor boyfriend then decided he could help by suddenly pulling my hand as hard as he could. Not only did my wrist pop and cause me more pain, but my shoulder got dislocated. FML I agree, your life sucks 820 You deserved it 58 5 2 58 4 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00 - France Running gag Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML I agree, your life sucks 1006 You deserved it 130 60 1 11 26 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sierra Madre - 20/10/2019 04:00 Time for an intervention Today, I got yelled at all day at work, only to come home and get yelled at by my husband. FML I agree, your life sucks 951 You deserved it 83 61 1 18 6 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 20/10/2019 02:00 Sex Ed has failed a lot of people Today, a senior girl in my college-level biology course asked our professor what periods are like when you’re pregnant. FML I agree, your life sucks 882 You deserved it 83 9 1 22 74 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jason Brazil - 20/10/2019 00:01 Hypochondriacs of the world unite! Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my wife frantically saying something about her having scabies, and that I had to take her to the ER. It turned out to be eczema. FML I agree, your life sucks 853 You deserved it 57 10 2 8 47 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nix1993 - 19/10/2019 21:00 - United Kingdom - Chorley My Humps Today, I visited my old job to pick up some paperwork. Since leaving over a year ago, I’ve lost over 60lbs, but I’m currently 6 months pregnant. Not a single person believed that I'm pregnant. FML I agree, your life sucks 933 You deserved it 110 13 3 12 40 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 20:00 Absence makes the heart grow fonder Today, my mom told me my aunt was coming over. I told her I might have to work, and would be sad to miss her. My mom said, "Or, you know, if you're not there, it might be nice." FML I agree, your life sucks 858 You deserved it 77 12 1 16 37 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 18:00 Baby, You Can Drive My Car Today, I had a bad and very unenthusiastic one night stand and tried to quietly order an Uber while she was getting dressed. Turns out, she's an Uber driver and being as she was in the area, the alert came over her phone. She was furious. FML I agree, your life sucks 1018 You deserved it 521 4 4 15 172 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 16:00 On call Today, my boyfriend accused me of not coming home at all last week. The truth is, I was up and gone to work before him every morning, and I was home after he went to bed. He didn’t even bother talking to me or asking where I was last week, we both work 24/7 on-call jobs, and he knows this happens sometimes. FML I agree, your life sucks 1039 You deserved it 91 64 0 7 9 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 14:00 Astrology is bullshit, get better friends Today, my friend reminded me that I have been on a ton of dates lately, but couldn't get a girlfriend because I thought something was off with them all. He also reminded me that I have dated every zodiac sign, meaning I'm out of options. FML I agree, your life sucks 731 You deserved it 348 10 4 4 54 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Balphleair - 19/10/2019 13:00 - Lebanon - Saida Fight the power! Today, my country went on strike and is overthrowing the government, and I'm stuck on a night shift at work. FML I agree, your life sucks 939 You deserved it 76 42 2 5 15 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 00:00 - New Zealand Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks Today, I'm ignored and bored so much at my dream job that I've started bringing in my fanfiction to write when no one is around. Which is 80% of the day. I'm training to be a civil engineer. My experience writing fanfiction should take me really far in my chosen career. FML I agree, your life sucks 870 You deserved it 226 15 1 2 41 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Blue_belle - 19/10/2019 04:00 Observational Comedy 101 Today, I was wearing a cute black dungaree dress with a purple top underneath. I thought I looked pretty good, until my son told me I looked like an evil Minion. FML I agree, your life sucks 905 You deserved it 197 2 1 4 123 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bald&ugly - 19/10/2019 02:00 Empathy City Today, after losing all my hair to chemo, I finally felt brave enough to go out without a wig or a headscarf. I expected some weird looks. I didn’t expect a woman in a store to point to me and tell her daughter, “See what feminism does to women? She’ll never have a husband, I bet!” FML I agree, your life sucks 1595 You deserved it 80 57 4 153 18 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 00:01 Invisible Woman Today, I accidentally overslept and missed a morning breakfast at work, one I never get to have when it happens. Not only did my boss say nothing about me being absent, he even asked me if the food was good. FML I agree, your life sucks 880 You deserved it 278 4 6 6 70 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Charity Taylor - 18/10/2019 22:00 Some pain, no gain Today, after establishing that we have no idea what's wrong with me, only that it's chronic pain, my doctor informed me that even though I've been dealing with increasingly worse symptoms for years, I'm not a "good applicant" for pain medication. FML I agree, your life sucks 1087 You deserved it 83 26 2 54 9 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Eddie B - 18/10/2019 20:00 Scammed Today, I found out that I'm just one of the millions who got scammed by what seemed to be a legit website. None of the negative reviews or bugs appeared until after I spent a fortune of someone else’s money on a server that will never arrive. FML I agree, your life sucks 833 You deserved it 387 37 0 19 6 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alan - 18/10/2019 18:00 FML's Favorite Funny Fuck-Ups of the Week! Here's a bunch of people (and animals) fucking up, or just not understanding how the world works. Relatable stuff, probably. 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TabbyCat87 - 18/10/2019 16:00 Cursed lake Today, our boat broke down in the middle of a lake at sunset. We called our friend for help, and his truck and trailer got stuck in mud at the boat ramp. We called the sheriff's office to tow his vehicle out of the mud. The tow strap broke. FML I agree, your life sucks 1156 You deserved it 94 16 0 16 66 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 14:00 Back-seat parenting Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML I agree, your life sucks 1246 You deserved it 88 11 2 59 25 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By GetFuzzy - 18/10/2019 12:00 Coach Class Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML I agree, your life sucks 344 You deserved it 1495 17 3 6 76 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sheev - 18/10/2019 06:00 - United States - San Francisco This Charming Man Today, I was texting the guy I like. I asked him why our friend didn't want to come to the movies with us. He replied, "She didn't want to be the third wheel, but it's not like I'm going to put the moves on you. I'm out of your league, and you're socially awkward anyway." That's just what I wanted. FML I agree, your life sucks 1384 You deserved it 144 51 3 37 42 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 04:00 Definitely done that Today, at work, I put my earphones in to listen to some music. An hour later, I realised I never pressed play. FML I agree, your life sucks 583 You deserved it 845 10 6 2 123 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I went for a manicure. The girl looked at me and asked me when I was due. I'm not pregnant and I have been working out all summer. FML I agree, your life sucks 13 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
Today, while I was having company over, I had a seizure and managed to somehow bruise my vagina. FML I agree, your life sucks 12 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
Today, I was having really great sex with my boyfriend. I was on top and he seemed like he was really enjoying it. Then, I realized he'd fallen asleep.... I agree, your life sucks 58 You deserved it 10 1 Comments
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous.... I agree, your life sucks 1006 You deserved it 130 15 Comments
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