By - 21/2/2020 14:00 My ex is a cannibal Today, my boyfriend bit my vagina, like had my entire crotch between his teeth because he thought it would turn me on more. How did he make the jump from ear nibbling to fanny biting and think it was sexy. The bruises hurt so bad I’m not even upset I dumped him after 3 years together, asshole. FML I agree, your life sucks 195 You deserved it 52 5 0 16 4 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 21/2/2020 05:00 War is declared Today, I was woken by my boyfriend’s penis in my mouth. It’s odd for him to want sex while at his parents, but I went for it. He was done in like 10 seconds, so I turned on the lamp, it was his creep brother completely drunk. My boyfriend was still asleep but woke up when I put the light on. And so began the world war three. FML I agree, your life sucks 786 You deserved it 131 19 1 107 16 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 21/2/2020 01:00 The innocence of children Today, my 5 year old stabbed me in the back with a pencil because I stole her nose and wouldn’t give it back. My daughter has been sulking now for 3 hours and refuses to breathe until she has her nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 536 You deserved it 215 5 1 12 60 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 20/2/2020 20:00 Really like you Today, I saw somebody, Who looked just like you, She walked like you do, I thought it was you, As she turned the corner, I called out your name, I felt so ashamed, When it wasn't you, wasn't you. FML I agree, your life sucks 246 You deserved it 692 87 6 2 25 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 20/2/2020 18:00 So sly Today, my date left the restaurant because I didn’t agree with his opinions about the mentally disabled or mixed race couples etc. Basically a real scumbag. He also left me the bill and turns out he had all the most expensive menu items including a £120 bottle of wine, it cost over £300 total. FML I agree, your life sucks 985 You deserved it 130 11 3 80 13 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 20/2/2020 14:00 My alarm Today, yet again, I woke up at the sound of my parents having sex, like apes, and couldn't go back to sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 909 You deserved it 112 6 2 14 79 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 20/2/2020 05:00 Oh shit Today, I brought my girlfriend a sex toy. We went home, made dinner, had some wine, then watched a movie with her mom. When the movie was over, I wanted to secretly let her know that I was ready for bed. So I put the sex toy in my pocket, when I went into the hall, her mom was right there and started dying laughing. FML I agree, your life sucks 381 You deserved it 860 14 4 5 72 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 20/2/2020 01:00 It's just me Today, I stopped by my elderly mother’s house to drop off some groceries. I decided to clean the place while I was there just to be nice. In true three bears, fashion I fell asleep on the couch. I was awoken by a police officer pointing his gun at me. My mom woke up and thought I was a burglar. FML I agree, your life sucks 1149 You deserved it 123 5 3 28 86 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 19/2/2020 20:00 Just once Today, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon (a few months). He started fondling me in bed. Then, I realised he was asleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 1139 You deserved it 114 26 4 6 60 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 19/2/2020 18:00 It hurts Today, I accidentally popped a pimple, but it was on my ass. It burns so badly. FML I agree, your life sucks 731 You deserved it 186 5 3 15 48 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 19/2/2020 14:00 It's senseless Today, I went to the hospital (super busy so 5 hours of waiting), and I did a pee test when I first arrived. After 5 hours of waiting, they have lost my pee. How do you lose someone's pee? FML I agree, your life sucks 1110 You deserved it 76 13 7 9 70 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/2/2020 23:00 Sweet dream Today, I had a naughty dream about my boyfriend. What I forgot is that he was staying over that night. I woke up this morning to a rendition of how I’d climbed on top of him and started going at it. I thought this had all been part of my dream. Guess not. FML I agree, your life sucks 1022 You deserved it 266 10 9 10 135 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 19/2/2020 01:00 Don't care Today, I realized that I'm a horrible uncle, I have two nephews and I don't know their age nor birthday. They are twins. FML I agree, your life sucks 490 You deserved it 1055 17 4 11 77 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/2/2020 20:00 Great mishap Today, while at work I felt the need to fart. My coworker stepped out of the back room, I knew this was my chance. I went for it and to my horror I realize that I shit myself and it dripped down my pants, almost to my socks. In complete panic I ran and fall down with shit. FML I agree, your life sucks 1175 You deserved it 593 17 6 35 119 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "LilTropics" - 18/2/2020 19:58 I just woke up and was getting ready for my day when I realized I had extra time to spare, so I decided to pleasure myself before I took a shower. My girlfriend woke up to use the bathroom and walked in on me. I agree, your life sucks 457 You deserved it 1056 8 4 9 87 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/2/2020 18:00 Who is that? Today, while me and my husband had sex, I called my husband "Gabe". That's nowhere near his name and I don't even know a Gabe. He then asked what that means "Gabe darling". FML I agree, your life sucks 899 You deserved it 354 11 4 9 68 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/2/2020 14:00 Bad liar Today, I was supposed to see my boyfriend for his birthday. He said his parents are coming down and it may not be a good time for us to really enjoy each other. Last night, I saw a picture of him feeding popcorn to baby Llamas with his drunk stoner friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 1169 You deserved it 156 22 5 11 82 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/2/2020 05:00 Oops... sorry Today, I was having sex with this guy I’ve been seeing... I was on top and as I was bouncing up and down on him, I went too hard and bent his penis a little... FML I agree, your life sucks 1007 You deserved it 282 12 5 117 45 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/2/2020 01:00 Great mishap Today, while on the bus to my exam I was muttering a prayer for good luck, but the driver stopped the bus, took everyone out except for me and called the police as he thought that I had a bomb in my bag and the worst part was that I missed the exam. FML I agree, your life sucks 1609 You deserved it 222 15 3 118 33 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 17/2/2020 13:00 Quick stench Today, I had a meeting with my boss, while walking to the meeting room, I feel a fart building up. I ignore it. As I prepare to sit down in the small room my body decided to release the gas with special sound effects I tried to disguise by coughing but the smell had already reached my boss’s nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 1144 You deserved it 282 8 3 27 97 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 17/2/2020 18:00 When karma does its job Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 years old daughter. FML I agree, your life sucks 607 You deserved it 3428 19 13 31 243 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 17/2/2020 14:00 Free trip Today, my boyfriend and I were supposed to go to Vietnam. Yesterday, I had to call the police because he was again getting verbally abusive saying I deserved all the times he hit me in the past. He left for Vietnam and said it wasn't a good idea for me to go with him. I paid for the flights. FML I agree, your life sucks 1660 You deserved it 557 54 5 123 18 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 17/2/2020 05:00 Women being Today my wife told me she feels I judge her clothing choices and it makes her feel ugly and she has started to hate me for it. I'm nearly blind. I don't mind what she wears. FML I agree, your life sucks 1644 You deserved it 103 95 7 19 25 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 17/2/2020 01:00 Missing a long time ends up no longer being Today, I went to meet my girlfriend after 3 months of not seeing each other, and I find out she has a new friend who she shares nudes with. FML I agree, your life sucks 1515 You deserved it 171 67 5 33 12 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 16/2/2020 20:00 Best revenge Today, I found out my ex boyfriend cheat on me. My sister told me he saw her making out with another girl. I exposed him for having a small penis as revenge. FML I agree, your life sucks 509 You deserved it 1588 87 5 10 52 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 16/2/2020 18:00 Bad luck Today, a fly landed in my soup. When I first went to post an FML about it I dropped my phone in the toilet. I cleaned up my phone with a napkin. Now I have some poop under my nails. FML I agree, your life sucks 432 You deserved it 1303 24 2 22 78 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 16/2/2020 14:00 Oh gosh Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML I agree, your life sucks 1109 You deserved it 526 10 1 10 89 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tsbh - 16/2/2020 05:00 Badaboum Today, I eat some nuggets that looked weird, immediately after my stomach was hurting and I was full of gas. While, in the parking lot one of my friends made me laugh and a really big and noisy fart came out in front of everybody there, and I couldn’t stop laughing and farting. FML I agree, your life sucks 1102 You deserved it 501 14 2 6 144 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Thescarlettfox - 16/2/2020 01:00 Monster in my bathroom Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was my tuft of hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 1113 You deserved it 707 5 5 8 138 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 15/2/2020 13:00 My advantage Today, I found out why my girlfriend calls me Irish when I'm actually Welsh. I thought she was playing, but her friend informed me that it was because I'm annoying but at least I'm her pot of gold. FML I agree, your life sucks 1351 You deserved it 181 25 6 17 95 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today a restaurant owner punched me in the face breaking my expensive sunglasses because I beat his ultra difficult timed eating challenge. He didn’t want... I agree, your life sucks 11 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
Today I finally opened up to my boyfriend of two years about a sexual assault I endured as a teen. After a few lengthy conversations he finally sighed... I agree, your life sucks 26 You deserved it 3 0 Comments
Today, while me and my husband had sex, I called my husband "Gabe". That's nowhere near his name and I don't even know a Gabe. He then asked what that... I agree, your life sucks 899 You deserved it 354 8 Comments
Today, I wanted to surprise my husband because of valentine's day by being naked with a towel. I waited behind a door for him to enter. When he arrived,... I agree, your life sucks 779 You deserved it 862 15 Comments
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