Alison · 2 November 2026, 20:00 ·Australia

Not a good look

Today, I spent the morning cleaning before my prim and proper new friend came over. Just as she was supposed to arrive to marvel at my spotless apartment, I knocked a full mug of coffee onto the freshly vacuumed rug. We spent the first 20 minutes of our time together trying to get the fucking stain out, and I was sweating buckets until she left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 You deserved it 16

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lobstercola · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Edmonton, Canada

What's your problem?

Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 113 You deserved it 2 626

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Anonymous · 2 November 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Suzy Eddie Izzard?

Today, I bought tickets for a comedy show as a surprise for my boyfriend. We arrived, found our seats, and waited for the show. The comedian came on and announced that the whole set would be in French. I'd not bought tickets for the wrong comedian, it was an "all-improv performance" or something. My boyfriend though it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 You deserved it 15

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Anonymous · 2 November 2026, 12:00 ·Dallas, United States

Lumps and chunks

Today, I made a big pot of soup for the week and portioned it into containers. So, on my very first day trying this out, I took one to work and heated it up. I'd somehow not put the lid on properly before putting it in my bag. I spent my lunch break cleaning soup chunks out of my backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 33

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Donnie · 2 November 2026, 09:00 ·Southend, United Kingdom

Shitty hairdo emergency

Today, I had a haircut booked for 5 p.m. and arrived ten minutes early. The salon was closed, so I checked the confirmation text. I'd booked it for 5 p.m. but on the previous day. I ended up going home with the same shite haircut I'd been trying to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 You deserved it 135

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Minneapolis, United States

Kinda over the top

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 759 You deserved it 2 658

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JasonThorn · 2 November 2026, 03:00 ·Phoenix, United States

Broke boy

Today, I was stopped at a light when a woman approached, asking for help to buy food. I told her I only had a dollar, but she could have it. After I gave it to her, she stepped back, held it up, then proceeded to tear it into pieces, before walking away while calling me a cheapskate. Really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 193 You deserved it 22

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Anonymous · 2 November 2026, 00:00 ·United States

Gung ho

Today, my dad is threatening to have my mom arrested for reckless endangerment because she and my stepdad left me alone for a month while they went on vacation. I'm 24 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230 You deserved it 22

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Anonymous · 1 November 2026, 22:00 ·Rochester, United States

Trimmer

Today, my husband looked at me and said, "Baby, you're growing a mustache. You want me to edge it up?" No, I don't have that much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 You deserved it 49

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Anonymous · 1 November 2026, 20:00 ·United Kingdom

Victor Meldrew's ghost

Today, I told my wife not to open the front door because I was fixing something, and she said OK. I cannot stress enough that she said OK. She then OPENED THE DOOR to ask, “What are you fixing?” and tipped over my ladder, dropping me into the road, where a car ran over my hand and broke 3 fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319 You deserved it 31

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Drim · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Junk

Today, I learned that there is a limit to being thrifty. For example buying a pan from the dollar store is most likely going to cost a lot more than a few dollars. Especially when it melts all over your stove which you now have to replace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 232 You deserved it 32 135

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Anonymous · 1 November 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Fair enough

Today, I’m being portrayed as some evil stepmother type after filing for divorce. I tried to be as understanding as possible that his kids had behavior issues due to their pasts, however my ex refused to get them therapy or discipline them in any way. I tried my best but I can’t take it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266 You deserved it 33

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NemoWhite09 · 1 November 2026, 12:00 ·Fort Worth, United States

Normally, huh?

Today, at work, this 23 year-old girl told everyone she has a huge crush on me. I'm in my mid-30s and this girl has autism but she functions normally. The thing is she looks 12 and I don't date or talk to anyone I work with in that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237 You deserved it 33

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T**** B* · 1 November 2026, 09:00 ·Chelsea, United Kingdom

Nice try, but ads ain't free

Today, my agent sent me an e-mail to tell me how many of my novel, I*** T** S****, I have sold. In the one year that it has been published, I have managed to sell one. That's right. ONE. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170 You deserved it 68

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nikki · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Gross

Today, my mom realized we have been sharing toothbrushes because they are similar colors. I told her it doesn't really matter since we're mother and daughter. She responded by saying that she loves me, but she has no idea where my mouth has been, and she doesn't want my diseases. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 146 You deserved it 11 374

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MY EYES THEY BLEED · 1 November 2026, 03:00 ·Lancaster, United States

Can't unsee it

Today, I saw my mom's boyfriend naked. It was only from behind and it was a complete accident but still, ew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168 You deserved it 58

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Danieliesha · 1 November 2026, 00:00 ·Lynchburg, United States

Opp v. Opp

Today, my momma ran into her opp and fists started flying. She grabbed the nearest thing near her and started swinging. That thing was my precious little boy, and now we're at the emergency room, telling him he fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 You deserved it 309

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Anonymous · 31 October 2026, 22:00 ·United States

As in 2 Kings 2:23-25: Let the kids have fun! What's the worst that could happen?

Today, I'm being shamed like crazy for allowing my children to celebrate Halloween, even though I'm a Christian, to the point that I can't ignore it. What's wrong with kids having an imagination? FML

I agree, your life sucks 256 You deserved it 41

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Blankie · 31 October 2026, 20:00 ·United States

Trick AND treat

Today, I was picking up my girlfriend's little sister at preschool. A student walked up to me, said, "Hello mister!", and lifted her skirt, showing me her undies. Before I could react, she grinned at me saying, "Buy me ice cream, or I'll scream and say you made me do that." Did I just get blackmailed by a 4 year-old? FML

I agree, your life sucks 268 You deserved it 36

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Pwnedofthedead · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Spooked

Today, I was walking to my friend's Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 046 You deserved it 3 824

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Anonymous · 31 October 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Should I stay or should I go?

Today, the police picked me up and made me go home to my mother, who regretted kicking me out for being gay, even though I wanted nothing more to do with her. It gets better though: She used to be my biggest supporter, then starting dating a homophobe who turned her against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277 You deserved it 61

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Martyrdom · 31 October 2026, 12:00 ·Berlin, Germany

Original victims

Today, I have stingy, wealthy parents who have a martyr complex. They don't wear any new clothes, even if they have a lot, just to portray that they are "suffering." They throw all their money at religious cults and refuse to spend anything for me or my sister. A life full of hand-me-downs has led to low self esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 209 You deserved it 113

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youjustlostthegame · 31 October 2026, 09:00 ·Perth, Australia

Shipping news

Today, I learned that due to a security incident my favourite fanfiction website will be down for two weeks, possibly four. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160 You deserved it 138

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SayItToMyFace · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·United Kingdom

Safe drive home

Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 307 You deserved it 1 573

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Anonymous · 31 October 2026, 03:00 ·Walled Lake, United States

Dicking around

Today, while I was lying in bed in a hospital gown, a nurse came to check my vitals. I wasn't wearing any underwear and unbeknownst to me the bottom of my gown had been pulled up. My nurse laughed her head off while pointing this out to me as I covered myself, mortified after accidentally flashing her with my tiny dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243 You deserved it 71

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Jan · 31 October 2026, 00:00 ·Zurich, Switzerland

Sneaky

Today, I discovered a large number of errors at my new job, wrote them down, and took them to my boss. Later, a coworker had a shout at me, because he was "saving them" so he could drip feed them to the boss, and look like he was always catching mistakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292 You deserved it 43

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Anonymous · 30 October 2026, 22:00 ·San Jose, United States

Shit nickname

Today, I'd begged my family not to embarrass me in front of my girlfriend. Dinner went perfectly until my little brother showed her a video of me dancing, wearing nothing but a superhero cape. My girlfriend laughed so hard, she proposed a new nickname: Captain Cringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225 You deserved it 66

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Anonymous · 30 October 2026, 20:00 ·Wakefield, United Kingdom

Panic!

Today, during a dream job interview, my mum called and screamed, “DID YOU FIX THE TOILET YET, YOU LAZY BASTARD?” She was loud enough for the interviewer to hear her, so as he stared at me, I panicked and said, “Sorry, she's my previous employer.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 150 You deserved it 214

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AwkwardWaitress · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United Kingdom

No tip for you

Today, while serving drinks at work to a group of people getting tipsy on wine, I joked about it being obvious who the designated driver was to the only gentleman who'd been religiously sticking to Coke all night. He coldly informed me that he was a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 019 You deserved it 15 885

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Dumbass · 30 October 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Honestly…

Today, I texted my best friend that my girlfriend was annoying. Only, it turns out I sent it to our couples' group chat. Her mom replied, “At least he's honest.” Her dad left the group. My girlfriend changed her Netflix password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 You deserved it 468

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