Today, the tenants I kicked out of the house I just bought took the entire garden and flowers with them. I was already listing the place as a rental with a "backyard oasis" and now it's nothing but dirt. The courts refuse to help me. FML
Today, my manager asked me to escort a VIP and make a fuss over her. Two hours I waited, calling my manager every 10 minutes to check in. He eventually told me he got the date wrong, she’s not coming until Thursday. He then docked my pay for the two hours I was “stood around doing nothing.” FML
Today, I've been waiting months for the release of the new Zelda game that I've waited YEARS for them to make. Go figure, I'm approaching 40, have committed to a fuck-ton of adult obligations, and now won't have any time to actually sit down and play it when it finally comes out. I don't even have kids! FML
Today, I met my new neighbor. His Wi-Fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML
Today, my parents are being investigated because they beat my brother with a belt. He deserved it for getting drunk the night before we were supposed to go on a vacation, but nobody cares about that. I'm scared I might get taken away. FML
Today, I am in a relationship. I recently got out of a decade-long relationship and was looking forward to dating, looking around, and meeting new people. I managed 3 weeks on the apps before I had to choose one of those I met, or lose them all. I guess it's good to meet 3 great women in a short time, but… FML
Today, I got my period for the first time in two months. I got massive gender dysphoria and contemplated jumping off a bridge. I went to something very important and upon sitting up, I let out a massive fart and started bleeding heavier. FML
Today, my family told me I'm going to have to sit at the kids' table at Thanksgiving, even though I'm 34 years-old with a career, wife, and four amazing stepsons. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he's been having doubts, but he still wants to stay with me. I asked him why he'd been so nervous about us and he replied, "I don't know, just thinking about a future with you makes me feel nauseous." We've been together over two years now. FML
Today, I asked a guy what the girl who I'm crushing on thought of me. He said, "She thinks you're harmless." I was thrilled and said, "Yes!" He then said, "Dude, that's not a good thing, like, at all, unless you wanna go shopping with her and hear about the guys she fucks." FML
Today, I'm a third-year college student. Between classes Monday-Thursday and a part-time job from Friday-Sunday, checking my work schedule for November has revealed that I do not have ONE SINGLE DAY OFF IN NOVEMBER. Literally in classes 4 days a week, working the other 3. I'm actually going to die. FML
Today, I'm on the J train in Brooklyn NY and we are dead-stop in the middle of the track between stations because someone is literally on the track ahead of us. NYPD is handling it, and the train conductor said, “We hope to be moving ‘eventually’…” I love NYC. FML
Today, after months of living on five dollars a day for food in college, I found out my parents bought me an expensive meal plan and forgot to mention it. FML
Today, the daughter of a patient called me, again, on my direct line after I repeatedly told her she had to go through the secretary for non-urgent matters. She said, "OMG, are you serious?" and hung up on me mid-sentence while I was talking about her father. FML
Today, I asked my adoptive parents to put me back in foster care because now that my adoptive mother is pregnant, I know that they won't love or need me anymore. Not only did they say no, but they yelled and screamed at me the whole day, and grounded me until New Year's. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his own sister's funeral. Not only did I say no, but I'm seriously rethinking our relationship. FML
Today, my poor wife injured her back so severely she can no longer stand or pull up her pants by herself. I've been helping her as much as possible, but she wants to do everything herself, which I get. That was, until she started her period. So much blood… FML
Today, I learned why my boyfriend of 10 months and I never hang out at his place. He still lives at home with his mother. He's 38. FML
Today, I'm on day 5 of recovering from minimally invasive spinal surgery. Before this I was in so much pain due to a bulging disk squeezing my spine, I could barely walk across the street. The good news is I can finally stand up straight; the bad news is that immediately after the surgery was done, my right foot went completely numb. FML
Today, I'm right now walking out of the ER. My brother-in-law thought it was funny to chop down my receding hair while I was asleep. I woke up to the buzzing sound and the first thing I did was to instinctively knock him out cold. My sis just told me, "You're lucky nobody called the cops on you." FML
Today, I got reached out to by an old flame who, in her words, “wants to fuck the life out of me again.” We’re both engaged to new people and have kids. The hardest part? She looks even better now than ever, and I’m a fat hairy slob. FML
Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML
Today, plans I had to move into a new place fell through because the person I was going to move in with suddenly developed health problems. I’m going to be homeless at the end of the year. FML
Today, I unwittingly saw my supervisor's undies when turning to ask for help from someone else. She wears miniskirts most of the time and there is no way I can unsee this picture. FML
Today, I figured that the reason I'm the black sheep of my family is because I wasn't a teen mom, unlike my sisters, and kept my head on straight. Going no contact isn't an option because we live in a tiny town and I cannot afford to move. FML
Today, my 6-year-old daughter watched The Lion King for the first time. Now, whenever I ask her to do something, she replies "Hakuna Matata" and doesn't even get up. I think she took "No worries" to mean "Don't give a shit about anything." FML
Today, I ruined my friendship of 12 years. Important backstory: he had kind of bullied me growing up but we became friends when we got older. Long story short, he dumped his partner of several years and got back together with his ex on the same day. I took the partner's side instead of his. FML
Today, most people’s girlfriends get drunk and text nonsense. My girlfriend gets drunk and texts massive spoilers to books, shows, and movies I haven’t read or seen yet. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for saying for the umpteenth time, "I still don't care!" when he brought up some podcasters divorcing in a conversation about our actual friends. He even mentioned the podcast crew being like actual family. Go live with them, then! FML
Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's. His father was with him the whole entire time. He's 27. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
