Your everyday life stories

280

Today, after a number of other automotive misadventures, I tried to find out why my radiator fan decided to quit working. That's when my hood struts thought it would be a good time to give way. Now I have big bruise on my shoulder where the latch hit me. FML

By Kev - 23/5/2019 04:00

321

By FML - 23/5/2019 03:29

The FML Motto

106

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend how sleeping with another person is cheating. It's been three days, and almost as many fights. He still doesn't get it. FML

By Anonymous - 23/5/2019 02:00

467

217

Today, a little girl asked me if I was wearing a wig. It's my real hair. FML

By John LegoHair - 23/5/2019 00:09

447

Today, my boyfriend just told me the picture of "him as a baby" was really his son. FML

By Anonymous - 22/5/2019 22:00

777

Today, I tried to dye my hair blonde. Turns out, green hair doesn't suit me. FML

By Shrek's Pubes - 22/5/2019 20:00

573

251

Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML

By Dr Pepper - 22/5/2019 18:05

I'm not sad. Or am I?

394

737

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs and the next seat. FML

By Anonymous - 22/5/2019 16:00

805

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she believes I "jinxed" her chances of getting the job she wanted. FML

By Anonymous - 22/5/2019 14:00

888

Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend. FML

By Anonymous - 22/5/2019 11:47

983

Today, I told my toddler to put the cat down, so he did. On my leg. I guess I should have been more specific. FML

By Anonymous - 22/5/2019 06:04

780

149

Today, my father told me I was becoming violent because of the video games I play. I was playing Minecraft. FML

By YoshiSqu4d - 22/5/2019 04:00

1042

119

Today, it's been so long since my wife has been interested in me intimately, I became aroused when a woman touched my arm while talking to me. FML

By - 22/5/2019 02:04

1257

127

Today, a fork hit me in the eye. I was holding it. I didn't even get to eat my chicken. FML

By Anonymous - 22/5/2019 00:01

903

350

Today, I was reading a book, and my severe OCD makes it impossible for me to look up from reading if I haven't finished the page. This includes times like when my mother is frantically calling for help after falling off a ladder. FML

By Anonymous - 21/5/2019 22:08

1169

638

Today, I went to a seminar about non-prejudice and acceptance. I spent the whole time being made fun of because of my pink shirt. FML

By Anonymous - 21/5/2019 20:02

1387

147

Today, my walk of shame may have been caught by the Google car. FML

By Anonymous - 21/5/2019 18:00

1139

439

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

By Kevin - 21/5/2019 16:02

1552

273

Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML

By Anonymous - 21/5/2019 14:11

1269

115

Today, while volunteering at my local library, a guy who smelled like crap followed me around all day. Every time I would bend over to shelf a book, he would start grunting. Apparently, he's going to be at the library every day. FML

By Anonymous - 21/5/2019 12:00

1407

Today, my girlfriend took me to see my favorite band live. Afterwards, we were lucky enough to run into the lead guitarist, who promptly asked her if she'd like to go back to his hotel room. She accepted. FML

By fuckyou - 21/5/2019 06:00

2052

134

Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML

By jokersgirl - 21/5/2019 04:00

1369

532

Today, I slipped and gashed my head bad enough that my head had to be shaved to be sewn up. Right after it had finished growing back from chemotherapy. FML

By Anonymous - 21/5/2019 00:00

2190

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

By Anonymous - 20/5/2019 22:00

1390

179

Today, my social life consists of eavesdropping on my two coworkers chatting. FML

By Anonymous - 20/5/2019 20:05

1141

331

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend. She dumped me because she was moving to Wyoming. I guess Wyoming is code for my friend's apartment. FML

By Anonymous - 20/5/2019 18:00

1693

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I found out that the last time he saw me I was blind drunk and vomiting after having propositioned him all evening. FML

By SHAME! - 20/5/2019 16:02

739

1412

Today, I had to cover for a coworker so I worked a 12-hour shift. I worked so late, I missed the final episode of Game of Thrones, which I have been really looking forward to. Guess who texted me, talking about how it ended? FML

By Anonymous - 20/5/2019 14:22

1661

200

Today, I went to a hobby lobby with the director of the play my daughter is in. He leaned in to grab a bottle of blue paint, and I mistook it for a hug. When he looked perplexed, I hugged him again, this time jumping in celebration of finding the blue paint. FML

By StopMe - 20/5/2019 12:00

What are you doing?

1115

409