By angry mama - 21/9/2019 00:01 The Headmaster Ritual Today, while picking my daughter up from school, I saw her being beaten by two boys while the teacher stood there doing nothing. I ran to help, but then she pushed one of the boys off her. The teacher then pulled her away, yelled at her and then yelled at me for "not raising my kid right." FML I agree, your life sucks 71 You deserved it 6 3 1 4 1 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LaLa - 20/9/2019 22:00 One nation, under rod Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 156 You deserved it 24 0 0 1 14 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By marina1686 - 20/9/2019 20:00 If the shoe fits… Today, I worked a 9-hour retail like this. I didn't notice until 3 hours into my shift and had to deal with this embarrassment for the next 6 hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 136 You deserved it 179 3 0 0 25 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alan - 20/9/2019 18:00 FML's Favorite Funny Fuck-Ups of the Week! Here's a bunch of people (and animals) fucking up, or just not understanding how the world works. Relatable stuff! 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By muskogee - 20/9/2019 16:00 Prince Charming Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML I agree, your life sucks 442 You deserved it 105 6 1 3 29 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fml9124 - 20/9/2019 14:00 Hidden Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML I agree, your life sucks 474 You deserved it 59 1 0 10 31 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 20/9/2019 12:00 Carded B. Today, I ordered a beer with my parents at dinner. The waitress said, "Oh, happy 22nd birthday." My parents eyes got really big, and they started to blush. They'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML I agree, your life sucks 772 You deserved it 38 14 0 15 36 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pickle - 20/9/2019 06:01 Ouch! Today, I applied mascara directly onto my eyeball. FML I agree, your life sucks 563 You deserved it 273 6 1 19 35 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By beenawhile - 20/9/2019 04:03 - United States - Boston Fair point Today, my 17 year-old brother asked me if I used birth control. When I told him I did, he responded, "Isn't that like using an inhalor when you don't have asthma?" FML I agree, your life sucks 809 You deserved it 90 7 2 6 92 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By collegestudent - 20/9/2019 02:01 Alexa, play "What's My Age Again?" by Blink182 Today, my dad asked me if I needed crayons for school. I'm going to college this fall. FML I agree, your life sucks 751 You deserved it 101 3 4 3 86 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 20/9/2019 00:01 If only they hadn't learned to read… Today, I was hosting my kid's birthday party. I had a bunch of small trinkets, so I grabbed the first container I could find to put them in. It wasn’t until I went out and someone yelled, "I’ll take a heavy flow!" that I realized it was an empty tampon box. FML I agree, your life sucks 607 You deserved it 408 3 3 3 76 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By howard1954 - 19/9/2019 22:00 Text Wars Today, I woke up feeling amazing. Upon looking at my phone, I saw a text from my boyfriend's ex, saying, "I'm sorry." Ten minutes later, I received a slew of angry text messages from my boyfriend, thanks to his ex. What an amazing day. FML I agree, your life sucks 853 You deserved it 130 57 4 14 8 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/9/2019 20:00 Deliverance Today, while at my family reunion, I learned my grandparents were first cousins. No wonder we're all crazy hillbillies. FML I agree, your life sucks 948 You deserved it 75 5 3 20 76 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/9/2019 18:00 Cockstepblocked Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML I agree, your life sucks 1128 You deserved it 257 6 1 70 63 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DebbiemontG - 19/9/2019 16:01 Pay up, sunshine Today, after a whole summer of waiting, I went to check my school's website so that I could start my first year again since I had some complications the first time round. I found out that they'd blocked my account and that the fee I'd have to pay was now triple the original. FML I agree, your life sucks 1000 You deserved it 148 19 1 62 8 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ER Birthday - 19/9/2019 14:00 Unhappy Birthday Today, I got home from the hospital. Yesterday was my birthday, and I got a piece of steak caught in my lower esophagus, resulting in a trip to the ER and an overnight stay so they could put me under and fish it out. I’m not allowed meat for a month while they find out what caused it. FML I agree, your life sucks 973 You deserved it 116 18 6 49 5 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By that1summergirl - 19/9/2019 12:00 - Canada Riverdale is a lie Today, I called my boyfriend at 2 a.m., telling him I couldn't sleep. He replied, "Well, I can," and hung up. FML I agree, your life sucks 529 You deserved it 1916 10 3 13 123 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SonOfACatKiller - 19/9/2019 08:00 - United States - Juno Alas, poor Tiddles Today, my mom asked me to pull out the load of laundry she'd stuck in the dryer. Instead of clothes, I pulled out my dead cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 1722 You deserved it 76 55 10 263 21 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By samba_spaz - 19/9/2019 06:01 - United States - Los Angeles Groove is in the Heart Today, I was at my usual drum circle. This guy I'd never seen before showed up and started playing an unfamiliar beat. Thinking he was new, I tried to teach him what to play. Turns out he was a professional drummer and was playing an advanced version of the groove I was trying to teach him. FML I agree, your life sucks 456 You deserved it 1389 8 5 2 108 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By German;) - 19/9/2019 04:00 Street art Today, I came outside to see someone had written on my car, "I love your hairy butt, pubes, and fat girlfriend!" multiple times. I wouldn't have been bothered if all those things weren't true. FML I agree, your life sucks 967 You deserved it 138 12 3 13 45 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/9/2019 02:03 - United Kingdom - London Just a prank, bro! Today, I've been told that the test I have tomorrow, which I've been studying for, is not on 'Parent and Child Relationships' but on 'Scotland's Fishing Communities'. My brother thought it would be funny to hide the real booklet, and make up his own one for me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1170 You deserved it 180 17 7 60 29 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/9/2019 00:02 Sit and stew Today, my dog and I got sprayed by a skunk. I have no tomato juice or baking soda, and the bus doesn't come for another 3 hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 1061 You deserved it 107 7 2 48 15 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By huh? - 18/9/2019 13:00 - United States - Monterey Park Creepy Dick Pic Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me a photo of him getting head from a gorgeous woman. He captioned it “Jealous?” with smiley emojis. I’m not sure what’s creepier, the fact that he sent it, that he even has my new number or that we broke up more than 8 years ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 1660 You deserved it 77 15 2 139 29 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/9/2019 20:00 Head, meet wall Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML I agree, your life sucks 960 You deserved it 211 14 3 3 57 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yudencow - 18/9/2019 18:00 Reading skills Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML I agree, your life sucks 917 You deserved it 118 6 2 2 68 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/9/2019 16:00 Venus in Furs Today, my boyfriend asked my dad why he gave me the nickname "Bear," which he has called me since I was very little. My dad responded, "Because she has a hairy back." FML I agree, your life sucks 1194 You deserved it 106 7 6 18 122 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/9/2019 14:00 Cats gonna cat Today, I got a new mattress delivered to my house. Didn’t have it on the frame for more than 5 minutes before my cat had already pissed on it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1102 You deserved it 285 13 4 29 54 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Wowseriously - 18/9/2019 12:00 - United States Dumpster Fire Boyfriend Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how hard it is to wash long hair. While I was talking, he interrupted and said, "Wait, you actually wash your hair?" FML I agree, your life sucks 1096 You deserved it 129 12 4 37 64 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Victoria - 18/9/2019 06:00 - Australia - Perth My name is? Today, while interviewing for a job, I was greeted by the interviewer with a handshake and a greeting of, "Hello Victoria, my name is Bill." I responded with, "Hello. My name is Bill." I think it's safe to assume I didn't get the job. FML I agree, your life sucks 1071 You deserved it 328 10 2 8 113 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 18/9/2019 04:02 - United Kingdom - Southampton WTF VHS? Today, a teacher asked me to edit a video of her class. Unfamiliar with cameras that work with video tape, I accidentally recorded over her video. The footage is impossible for me to get back. FML I agree, your life sucks 913 You deserved it 769 13 1 59 20 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I had to study for am important exam. Instead, I got in an argument on the internet over whether Caitlyn Jenner had transition surgery. FML. I agree, your life sucks 3 You deserved it 23 0 Comments
Today, I decided to use my dildo while taking a shower. While I'm pleasuring myself, I started singing Earth, Wind & Fire's "September" out loud. I just... I agree, your life sucks 4 You deserved it 16 1 Comments
Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit... I agree, your life sucks 156 You deserved it 24 3 Comments
Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at... I agree, your life sucks 1128 You deserved it 257 5 Comments
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