All the FMLs

Serial skid marks

By OverMyInLaws - 20/08/2022 06:00

Today, my sister-in-law recently spend the night to hangout with my 7 year-old. She kept some of her clothes in his dresser. While doing laundry and sorting out clothes that no longer fit him, I found a pair of her shit-stained underwear shoved in the back of one of the drawers. She's in her 40's and this isn't the first occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 4

Pampered

By Megsley - 19/08/2022 21:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to the Walgreens by my house and bought 8 body wash soaps because my boyfriend needs that much for 3 days. I’ve done this so many times that the girls at the register know me, and my boyfriend, by name. They gave me a bunch of $5 off coupons because they felt so bad for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 21

The King

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 02:00

Today, I recently had open heart surgery and I'm prohibited from pushing, pulling, or lifting anything. My wife goes ahead of me to open doors, carry things from the store, and open my car door. Yes, I do get many mean, judgmental glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 17

The dictator

By Anonymous - 19/08/2022 15:00 - United States - Irvine

Today, my boss told me not to close my office door. What am I, 12 years-old? FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 32

Classically Abby

By shesanexnow - 19/08/2022 22:00

Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 66

Bailed out

By poorchild - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to bail both my parents out of jail. They'd thought it would be fun to go streaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 338

You deserved it 2 935

Explotation

By Collie - 19/08/2022 18:00

Today, my boss told me that due to a colleague resigning, I have to do some of her job until they find a replacement. I asked if I’ll be getting compensated for the extra work/time, and he said no because of budget issues. I said that wasn’t fair. He responded, “Well, life ain’t fair, get used to it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 59

Little shit

By Doormat - 19/08/2022 09:00 - United States - Steele

Today, a little demon child called my severely arthritic mom a "bitch," all because she was walking too slowly for his liking. After verbally tearing him apart for daring to speak to anyone like that, his mom quickly rushed to his defense, even though she was close enough to hear what he'd said about my mom. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 55

They're much more fun

By Anonymous - 19/08/2022 14:00

Today, my wife and I had our first night without kids in 15 years, at a friend's wedding. In the middle of a song, while we were dancing, she left me to go dance with her new "gay best friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 74

American Beauty vibes

By vam22222 - 19/08/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, I got caught sleeping with my now ex’s dad. He stole my weed, then kicked me out. Then his dad found out he had chlamydia, so now all 3 of us do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 1 489

I kissed a girl and I… didn't like it

By Anonymous - 19/08/2022 10:00 - Montenegro - Kotor

Today, after I kissed girl last night, who is pretty but who I don't really like, I'm going out with her tonight, and I feel more pissed than happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 860

Good one, dad

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was almost done getting ready for a really big date, when I heard my dad call for help from outside. I rushed downstairs and out the door, only to be ambushed and showered by my father with the garden hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 185

You deserved it 4 222

I take the fifth

By Anonymous - 19/08/2022 06:00

Today, my roommate, who is an alcoholic in denial, comes up to me and tells me she knows I told on her, and is angry at me. The facility we live at is for people in recovery. Her boyfriend is coming over to “confront me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 63

Priorities

By Jamal - 19/08/2022 04:00

Today, after three years of relationship, my ex broke with me because if we continued dating, she wouldn't have any free time to play Clash Royale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 74

You can't put a price on a cat

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 20:00 - United States - Webster

Today, I was nervous about taking my cat to the vet for a UTI, because money’s a little tight. Turns out the antibiotics weren’t that expensive, but he wants at least $1,000 for dental surgery she apparently “needs.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 92

Party for one

By sad - 19/08/2022 00:00

Today, I invited all of my friends to my graduation party, and even paid for them all to be there. They all didn’t show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 73

Caveman fetish

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 21:58

Today, my boyfriend lost his temper at me for the first time ever after 2 years of dating, and actually raised his voice. It turned me on, and I don’t just mean on, I mean OOONNNNNN. I was so wet it ran down my thighs and made an obvious damp spot in my jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 604

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got my first tip. It was a Mentos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 067

You deserved it 5 736

Drama Llama

By are you fucking kidding me! - 18/08/2022 18:00

Today, I got guilt-tripped into going to eat with my parents and sister. My sister bit into a spicy pepper instead of a mild one, and thought the perfect response would be to shriek, moan, cry, and throw herself to the floor gagging. No she’s not allergic, she’s just a drama queen fishing for a free meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 74

US healthcare is fucked up

By Teethsuck - 18/08/2022 06:00 - United States - North Pole

Today, I went to the dentist two years after having a front tooth knocked out because I could finally (barely) afford the $4000 bill for an implant. They checked me out and told me that my teeth have shifted to the point that I’ll need braces before receiving an implant, for another $4k bill. I’m sick of looking like a hick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 83

Guess she's doing fine, then

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 14:00

Today, after eight years of estrangement, I finally heard from my mother. Not that she contacted me, I just saw her in an YouTube video, in which batshit people in red hats and draped in flags were being interviewed during the "hogs gone wild" shitshow down in Florida, protesting about the FBI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 143

Preparation

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 12:00

Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, but when I told him anal takes prep, like stretching and lubing, and you can’t just jam a knob up there like in a porno, he lost all interest, asked for a blowjob, and when I said no, he started sulking. I struggle to remember why I’m with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 231

All you need is hate

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 10:00

Today, I told both my boyfriend and my son that they needed to start spending more time together. They both asked why and what they did that I feel the need to punish them. They’re so similar, even I forget they’re not father and son, and yet for some reason they hate each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 332

Very funny, ha ha

By anne - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my 20 year-old son thought it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 847

You deserved it 4 183

Hindrance

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 06:00

Today, I haven’t spoken to my husband in a week, and when I finally spoke to him he thanked me because he’s gotten so much work done round the house, caught up on all his paperwork for his job, and reconnected with his Xbox friends. I didn’t realise I was such a fucking distraction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 1 273

Fall from grace

By Klutz - 18/08/2022 04:00

Today, I realized that over the past few months, I seem to be getting more and more prone to bumping into things, and tripping over nothing. I'm also apparently more prone to getting injured when this happens. I've always been uncoordinated, but this is getting out of hand. I'm falling apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 81

Caught in 4K

By ScrewU - 17/08/2022 19:59 - United States

Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 76

Go home, you're drunk

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 00:00

Today, my Orthodox Jewish cousin’s father called his wife’s Reform Jewish family “a bunch of monkey lovers” in his Bat Mitzvah toast. Worst yet, he did basically the same thing at his daughter from his first marriage’s Bat Mitzvah toast, and mentioned this fact in the speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 84

Impressive dating strategy

By Anonymous - 17/08/2022 22:00

Today, my date took me to some sort of comic book/computer convention. I think he was trying to impress me with his online reputation, but it didn’t come across as tech suave, it was more nerd pathetic, the kind that makes vaginas go dry faster than a sand enema. I went home alone, bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 950

Average 4Chan user

By Ugh - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Dublin

Today, while I was cleaning out my son's room, I came across his diary. Opening it out of curiosity, I found ramblings about how blacks, Jews, and other "inferior breeds" should be forcibly sterilized, "for the common good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 394

You deserved it 10 066

Nearly

Today, of all the football clubs I could have supported, I’m a Manchester United fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 30

Today, I was at the movie theater, and an attractive woman was working the concession stand. She was so beautiful, I accidentally tripped over my tongue and asked for cop porn instead of popcorn. I was so embarrassed that I left immediately. I don't think I'm ever going to a movie theater again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 39

Spicy

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 66

Today, I got caught sleeping with my now ex’s dad. He stole my weed, then kicked me out. Then his dad found out he had chlamydia, so now all 3 of us do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 1 489