By Redbeard - 24/1/2020 05:00 Who taught him Today, while having my husband's boss at home. My 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell "mum look! Penis!" And wiggled it around... FML I agree, your life sucks 431 You deserved it 76 6 5 4 91 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ThreeHoursEarly - 24/1/2020 01:00 What's the time, please? Today, I was told to be present for a meeting that started at 5pm. I arrived 15 minutes early, and I was late for the meeting. This happens regularly. FML I agree, your life sucks 692 You deserved it 75 10 4 20 19 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "netflix12345" - 23/1/2020 20:00 Elegant dress Today, I was hanging out with my 5 year boyfriend. He took me out on a boat and made me wear my most elegant outfit ever. Before getting on the boat, a girl pushed me. I fell and almost drowned in the lake. My dress was ruined. FML I agree, your life sucks 1076 You deserved it 78 12 2 87 16 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 23/1/2020 18:00 Just love! Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML I agree, your life sucks 761 You deserved it 194 3 6 2 129 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "penne_pasta580802" - 23/1/2020 14:00 Ultimately Today, I decided to take my car to work as I had some errands to do after. I only live a few blocks away. After driving round to find a car park for ages, the closest car park available was outside my house. I ended up walking to work instead. FML I agree, your life sucks 949 You deserved it 296 9 6 5 116 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By buttdick - 23/1/2020 05:00 He first checked Today, I was trying to straddle my boyfriend how you would to do 69 and he plucked a hair off my ass cheek and said "got it. It was a black one." We did not continue. FML I agree, your life sucks 1082 You deserved it 186 8 4 12 130 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 23/1/2020 01:00 Favorite child Today, I heard that my mom is coming back from France, where my brother lives. I have lived in the same place, exactly 45 minutes from my mother, for 6 years. She hasn't visited me once, but has been out of state to see my sibling. FML I agree, your life sucks 1265 You deserved it 118 104 8 7 12 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whiteboyfresh69 - 22/1/2020 20:00 - United States She likes it! Today, while sleeping off my hangover, my niece asked me to get her a drink. I gave her a beer, I didn't notice it until it was gone. She is only 6 years old. FML I agree, your life sucks 367 You deserved it 2139 35 5 117 58 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 22/1/2020 18:00 Strange noise Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 1652 You deserved it 105 5 4 182 35 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuck - 22/1/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie Late reaction Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with the guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML I agree, your life sucks 1404 You deserved it 422 9 5 98 68 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Happyfuntime1017 - 22/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Fort Smith He does not care Today, my husband came home with a snake. I'm terrified of snakes. He made me hold it and it bit me. I am in the hospital, and he is still keeping the snake. FML I agree, your life sucks 2361 You deserved it 211 19 5 114 22 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/1/2020 01:00 Don't worry! Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 1253 You deserved it 341 5 3 34 132 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/1/2020 19:00 - United Kingdom Parenting fail Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee, when I went back my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, god knows where since I don't own a permanent marker. She then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs, and as an added bonus the tv screen, parenting fail. FML I agree, your life sucks 1379 You deserved it 348 18 7 43 79 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 21/1/2020 18:00 Take a walk Today, I was walking around in the mall when I dropped my purse. When I bent down to pick it up, some guy came up behind me, humped my ass, then ran away laughing. FML I agree, your life sucks 2026 You deserved it 205 79 10 148 105 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "onwardsandupwards" - 21/1/2020 14:00 Need help Today, I went to the cemetery to visit a friend. As I was looking for his burial plot, I fell into a dug out grave and had to call my partner to come help me get out of the grave. FML I agree, your life sucks 1420 You deserved it 332 10 4 60 130 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ALO - 21/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Bossier City Married life Today, I found out my husband of 7 years has been cheating on me with "10-15" people. FML I agree, your life sucks 2102 You deserved it 132 61 4 171 16 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alyosaurus - 21/1/2020 01:00 Wrong address Today, I was woken up at 3am by my apartment building's fire alarm. I loaded up my cats in their crates, brought them outside and realized it was below freezing (-5C or 23F) and snowing. I stood on the sidewalk in my thin Pyjamas and just watched the firefighters went into the wrong building... FML I agree, your life sucks 1534 You deserved it 132 18 4 66 26 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mycariswrecked - 20/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Tinley Park Early meeting Today, I was going to meet up with my boyfriend's mother to watch his swim meet with her. On my way to the high school, I got in a car accident. The person driving the other car was his mother. FML I agree, your life sucks 1726 You deserved it 135 12 4 48 101 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 20/1/2020 20:00 I am in a hurry Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML I agree, your life sucks 1906 You deserved it 97 17 3 173 28 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alerra - 20/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Baton Rouge Not mine Today, my roommate's parents came over to our one room apartment. They found condom wrappers. My roommate tried to say they were mine. I'm still a virgin. FML I agree, your life sucks 1501 You deserved it 142 15 5 17 105 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tytonic - 20/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Havertown First dinner Today, After my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me since there is so much blood. FML I agree, your life sucks 1390 You deserved it 295 47 6 66 21 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By smelly situation - 20/1/2020 01:00 Something in the air Today, I was fired due to complaints that my shuttle stunk of gas. It smells because I've been farting so bad on the shuttle. I did try to air it out but I guess it wouldn't leave. FML I agree, your life sucks 1161 You deserved it 959 26 3 12 113 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/1/2020 20:00 Good bye! Today I was walking around the mall and I saw my crush from high school. He came up to me and instead of talking to him I burped, and he just walked away. FML I agree, your life sucks 1336 You deserved it 583 20 5 10 137 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 19/1/2020 18:00 Romantic gesture Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML I agree, your life sucks 3654 You deserved it 136 94 8 348 21 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By swollenbutthole - 19/1/2020 14:00 - United States Who dares wins Today, and since forever, I've always been deemed "boring" for never trying anything risky. So, I got frisky one night and decided to try anal. I got hemorrhoids. FML I agree, your life sucks 2076 You deserved it 401 23 4 42 114 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By need not know - 19/1/2020 05:00 Still married Today, while fixing my dad's phone, I saw Tinder installed. He's still married to my mum. FML I agree, your life sucks 2092 You deserved it 148 32 6 118 24 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Isidora - 19/1/2020 01:00 - Canada - Toronto It is warm Today, my boyfriend felt my butthole and asked if I was farting because it was warm. FML I agree, your life sucks 1846 You deserved it 258 12 9 20 165 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Penny - 18/1/2020 20:00 Animated movies Today at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went zoo zoo... filia..? Silence. Wasn't until I got home an hour later I realized what I said. FML I agree, your life sucks 1359 You deserved it 369 7 6 21 141 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/1/2020 18:00 Strange flight Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML I agree, your life sucks 2029 You deserved it 153 25 2 66 121 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ihmmil - 18/1/2020 14:00 Belly Finger Today, my husband was trying to be sexy. He asked me if I wanted to sit on his "Belly Finger"! Major mood kill. FML I agree, your life sucks 1790 You deserved it 194 26 8 15 171 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I promised my overly clumsy self that I wouldn’t get hurt, then five minutes after that thought I got hit by a car and bruised my legs and ribs... I agree, your life sucks 2 You deserved it 2 0 Comments
Today it's been about a month since my ex asked about us getting back together, I'm all for it because we had a good relationship, however I've been protecting... I agree, your life sucks 0 You deserved it 4 0 Comments
Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML I agree, your life sucks 761 You deserved it 194 2 Comments
Today, I was walking around in the mall when I dropped my purse. When I bent down to pick it up, some guy came up behind me, humped my ass, then ran away... I agree, your life sucks 2026 You deserved it 205 12 Comments
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