All the FMLs

Infinite sadness

By Wife of a baby - 09/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, my husband has been drunk and miserable for days. Not due to a death in the family, or losing a job, or anything normal, no. He has been diagnosed with Alpha-Gal allergies and can no longer eat red meat. He's crying because he "will never taste steak again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 3

Trust issues

By Anonymous - 09/09/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband secretly DNA-tested all of our kids after they were born. Obviously they're his, but I'm incredibly hurt at his lack of trust and I'm thinking about divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 18

Menace to society

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 114

You deserved it 3 215

Green thumb

By not helping - 09/09/2026 03:00 - South Africa

Today, after I agreed to water my friend's plants while she was on vacation, she'd given me very specific instructions for each one, so I made a schedule and followed it carefully. When she came home, she stared at the plants and asked why her cactus was sitting in a bowl of water. I'd read the wrong line on the schedule all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 125

Can't go on

By Anonymous - 09/09/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I quit football because my dad's death has made it too sad to keep doing it, but my mom is trying to talk me into staying, and trying to talk to the coach to convince me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 62

Surprised, indeed

By Anonymous - 08/09/2026 22:00 - Denmark

Today, I wanted to surprise my roommate by cleaning the entire apartment while she was away. Three hours later, everything looked perfect. She came home, looked around, and immediately asked why her plant was missing. I had thrown it out because I thought it was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 193

I'm not a magician

By oh hi - 08/09/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found a wallet on the pavement and took it to a police station. The officer opened it, looked at the ID, and said the owner lived two streets from me. I went back outside and nearly walked into said neighbour. He recognised his wallet immediately and hugged me. He then asked if I could also return his missing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 47

Blank canvas

By andromeda80 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Lakewood

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 669

You deserved it 2 842

Past life

By Anonymous - 08/09/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I found an old notebook while clearing our house and started reading the embarrassing things I'd written as a teenager. One page had a detailed list of my future goals, including: “Never become the kind of person who owns 14 identical black shirts.” I was wearing one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 150

WTF was that?

By trippin - 08/09/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, it was my first night house-sitting my friend's place while he's on vacation. I was reading in bed when I heard scratching downstairs, so I called him in a panic. He told me to check the kitchen. I did. It was his automatic robot vacuum thing, which he'd never thought to mention before, and it was repeatedly trying to climb onto a slipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 79

Shouldn't you be at the ER?

By Anonymous - 08/09/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally gave in and agreed to try holding my girlfriend's pet tarantula. The moment I did, it bit me. According to her she’s had him 4 years and he’s never so much as nipped her, never mind a full bite. Lucky me. My hand is twice the normal size and I can feel my heartbeat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 45

Oh no!

By Lily - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - San Antonio

Today, I fell going down the stairs and hit my head on the wall. My parents came frantically running to my side, but only to make sure I hadn't damaged the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 108

You deserved it 2 300

Attention to detail

By Anonymous - 08/09/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I had a job interview in a hotel and arrived 20 minutes early. I sat in the lobby practicing answers while watching the elevators. Eventually, the receptionist walked over and asked if I was waiting for someone. I gave her the company name. She pointed across the street. I'd been practicing my interview in the wrong hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 203

WHERE IS IT?

By Anonymous - 08/09/2026 00:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I spent Saturday helping my uncle clean out his garage. He told me to throw away a box of “old useless cables.” I did. Later, he asked where the box was because it contained the only charger for his 20-year-old camera. We spent 3 hours searching the recycling bins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 52

You idiot!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, we found out in the middle of my son's custody battle that he never filed the joint custody papers when his son was born, they're just sat in a drawer in his kitchen because he’d "get round to it.” His ex has sole legal custody and has cut off all contact with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 274

Oh, I forgot to mention…

By Driver - 07/09/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I spent an evening teaching my younger brother how to parallel park before his driving test. After an hour, he finally parked perfectly between two cars. I was so proud that I told him we'd nailed it. Then we noticed we were parked in front of someone's driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 209

Lost and found

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I had to go meet my professor at 12. I wound up showing up almost an hour late. Why? Because she doesn't teach at the campus I registered at. I wound up having to visit TWO different campuses before I reached the right one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 420

You deserved it 531

The war on pickles

By Anonymous - 07/09/2026 15:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spent my lunch break trying to open a jar of pickles that had been stuck for weeks. I finally gave up and asked a coworker for help. He tapped the lid once with a spoon and it opened immediately. I'd been fighting a pickle jar every day for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 224

What's that smell?

By fire!! - 07/09/2026 12:00 - Canada

Today, my apartment smelled like something was burning, so I checked the oven, toaster, outlets, and even the hallway. After an hour, I discovered the smell was coming from the candle I had forgotten I'd lit in the bathroom. I had spent an hour investigating a fire that wasn't happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 296

I can explain

By SLEEPLESS - 07/09/2026 09:00 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 65

Mean girls

By Mark - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Alexandria

Today, I finally got the guts to text this cute girl at school. I started sending flirtatious texts, only to find out the hard way that she'd given me her boyfriend's number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 499

You deserved it 7 799

Clean freak

By Anonymous - 07/09/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at home, I always do my share of the chores. I just got back from a business trip and it turns out that I actually do ALL the chores. My wife was alone for 9 days, the kitchen was a in state, dirty laundry everywhere, cat litter box overflowing onto the floor, and the bathroom was fucking disgusting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 65

Don't overthink it

By Anonymous - 07/09/2026 00:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I suddenly gained a massive burst of anxiety out of nowhere when thinking about my upcoming assessment appointments for my back and hip surgeries. I need these so I don't end up permanently crippled due to spinal stenosis and a labral tear. The worst part is that I know I'm fretting over nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 67

Higher learning

By Anonymous - 06/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I’ve returned to college in my thirties because I was finally ready to commit to a program of study. Unfortunately, I have zero organizational or time management skills at this point in my life and I can’t keep up with deadlines. I waited all this time just to crash and burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 253

Miss you

By Anonymous - 06/09/2026 20:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, it's my first birthday without my mom, who I was very close to. My friends asked a few days ago if I wanted to celebrate. I said yes, but nothing big. Just someone to be around. All I got was a brief "Happy birthday" text before the conversation moved on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 58

Cash

By Elmoo - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I was at work when a customer, who was going to pay for her groceries, started sorting through her money. She put some coins in her mouth, seemed to suck on them for a while, and then gave them to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 855

You deserved it 1 995

Nostalgia bait

By Distracted - 06/09/2026 15:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I found my old school yearbook while cleaning and decided to look up what everyone was doing now. I spent two hours searching for old classmates online, comparing careers and vacations. I then realized I'd completely ignored the pile of laundry I'd started cleaning the room for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 288

Islands in the stream [derogatory]

By Anonymous - 06/09/2026 12:00 - Türkiye

Today, I noticed that I hardly communicate with anyone anymore. Yet another friend has sent a random link to our Messenger conversation with, “It’s just to remind myself about it.” Apparently our friendships have evolved into using each other as bookmarks instead of actually talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 85

Goldfinger

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s important to wipe after he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 165

You deserved it 241

I'm really tired, chief

By sleepy and ill - 06/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my dad now insists I HAVE to be up at 7 am every day. I explained that even after waking up at 7 am for months, my body still couldn’t fall asleep earlier and I stayed chronically sleep deprived. He thinks I’m lying because, “No one’s body works like that.” I’m 30 and can’t move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 123

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 984

You deserved it 4 268

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 675

You deserved it 41 046

Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 934

You deserved it 33 966

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 679

You deserved it 10 037

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend telling me to be romantic, I decided to make a romantic bath for us, complete with oil bath beads. After we get ready to take the bath, she puts her hand in the water and says she won't get it because 'it feels slimy'. I enjoyed a romantic bath alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 328

You deserved it 3 989

Today, my dad paid for plane tickets for my brother’s girlfriend and her two kids so they could go to the family reunion on the other side of the country. He refused to buy my ticket though, because I "should’ve planned better." I lost my job due to Covid and used my savings to pay rent and bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 95