By - 21/2/2020 05:00 War is declared Today, I was woken by my boyfriend’s penis in my mouth. It’s odd for him to want sex while at his parents, but I went for it. He was done in like 10 seconds, so I turned on the lamp, it was his creep brother completely drunk. My boyfriend was still asleep but woke up when I put the light on. And so began the world war three. FML I agree, your life sucks 289 You deserved it 55 7 1 46 9 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 21/2/2020 01:00 The innocence of children Today, my 5 year old stabbed me in the back with a pencil because I stole her nose and wouldn’t give it back. My daughter has been sulking now for 3 hours and refuses to breathe until she has her nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 312 You deserved it 122 2 1 7 35 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 20/2/2020 20:00 Really like you Today, I saw somebody, Who looked just like you, She walked like you do, I thought it was you, As she turned the corner, I called out your name, I felt so ashamed, When it wasn't you, wasn't you. FML I agree, your life sucks 176 You deserved it 515 66 4 2 17 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 20/2/2020 18:00 So sly Today, my date left the restaurant because I didn’t agree with his opinions about the mentally disabled or mixed race couples etc. Basically a real scumbag. He also left me the bill and turns out he had all the most expensive menu items including a £120 bottle of wine, it cost over £300 total. FML I agree, your life sucks 772 You deserved it 102 8 3 60 11 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 20/2/2020 14:00 My alarm Today, yet again, I woke up at the sound of my parents having sex, like apes, and couldn't go back to sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 761 You deserved it 93 6 1 10 67 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 20/2/2020 05:00 Oh shit Today, I brought my girlfriend a sex toy. We went home, made dinner, had some wine, then watched a movie with her mom. When the movie was over, I wanted to secretly let her know that I was ready for bed. So I put the sex toy in my pocket, when I went into the hall, her mom was right there and started dying laughing. FML I agree, your life sucks 346 You deserved it 783 13 4 4 69 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 20/2/2020 01:00 It's just me Today, I stopped by my elderly mother’s house to drop off some groceries. I decided to clean the place while I was there just to be nice. In true three bears, fashion I fell asleep on the couch. I was awoken by a police officer pointing his gun at me. My mom woke up and thought I was a burglar. FML I agree, your life sucks 1066 You deserved it 114 5 3 28 79 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 19/2/2020 20:00 Just once Today, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon (a few months). He started fondling me in bed. Then, I realised he was asleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 1074 You deserved it 104 26 4 6 58 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 19/2/2020 18:00 It hurts Today, I accidentally popped a pimple, but it was on my ass. It burns so badly. FML I agree, your life sucks 682 You deserved it 169 5 3 14 46 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 19/2/2020 14:00 It's senseless Today, I went to the hospital (super busy so 5 hours of waiting), and I did a pee test when I first arrived. After 5 hours of waiting, they have lost my pee. How do you lose someone's pee? FML I agree, your life sucks 1048 You deserved it 67 13 6 8 66 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/2/2020 23:00 Sweet dream Today, I had a naughty dream about my boyfriend. What I forgot is that he was staying over that night. I woke up this morning to a rendition of how I’d climbed on top of him and started going at it. I thought this had all been part of my dream. Guess not. FML I agree, your life sucks 983 You deserved it 253 10 9 10 130 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 19/2/2020 01:00 Don't care Today, I realized that I'm a horrible uncle, I have two nephews and I don't know their age nor birthday. They are twins. FML I agree, your life sucks 477 You deserved it 1025 17 3 11 74 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/2/2020 20:00 Great mishap Today, while at work I felt the need to fart. My coworker stepped out of the back room, I knew this was my chance. I went for it and to my horror I realize that I shit myself and it dripped down my pants, almost to my socks. In complete panic I ran and fall down with shit. FML I agree, your life sucks 1143 You deserved it 580 16 6 35 115 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "LilTropics" - 18/2/2020 19:58 I just woke up and was getting ready for my day when I realized I had extra time to spare, so I decided to pleasure myself before I took a shower. My girlfriend woke up to use the bathroom and walked in on me. I agree, your life sucks 446 You deserved it 1033 7 4 9 84 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/2/2020 18:00 Who is that? Today, while me and my husband had sex, I called my husband "Gabe". That's nowhere near his name and I don't even know a Gabe. He then asked what that means "Gabe darling". FML I agree, your life sucks 873 You deserved it 346 11 4 9 66 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/2/2020 14:00 Bad liar Today, I was supposed to see my boyfriend for his birthday. He said his parents are coming down and it may not be a good time for us to really enjoy each other. Last night, I saw a picture of him feeding popcorn to baby Llamas with his drunk stoner friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 1145 You deserved it 152 22 5 10 80 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/2/2020 05:00 Oops... sorry Today, I was having sex with this guy I’ve been seeing... I was on top and as I was bouncing up and down on him, I went too hard and bent his penis a little... FML I agree, your life sucks 980 You deserved it 276 12 4 115 43 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/2/2020 01:00 Great mishap Today, while on the bus to my exam I was muttering a prayer for good luck, but the driver stopped the bus, took everyone out except for me and called the police as he thought that I had a bomb in my bag and the worst part was that I missed the exam. FML I agree, your life sucks 1574 You deserved it 215 15 3 117 31 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 17/2/2020 13:00 Quick stench Today, I had a meeting with my boss, while walking to the meeting room, I feel a fart building up. I ignore it. As I prepare to sit down in the small room my body decided to release the gas with special sound effects I tried to disguise by coughing but the smell had already reached my boss’s nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 1124 You deserved it 278 8 3 27 94 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 17/2/2020 18:00 When karma does its job Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 years old daughter. FML I agree, your life sucks 600 You deserved it 3381 17 13 30 237 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 17/2/2020 14:00 Free trip Today, my boyfriend and I were supposed to go to Vietnam. Yesterday, I had to call the police because he was again getting verbally abusive saying I deserved all the times he hit me in the past. He left for Vietnam and said it wasn't a good idea for me to go with him. I paid for the flights. FML I agree, your life sucks 1640 You deserved it 552 54 5 121 17 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 17/2/2020 05:00 Women being Today my wife told me she feels I judge her clothing choices and it makes her feel ugly and she has started to hate me for it. I'm nearly blind. I don't mind what she wears. FML I agree, your life sucks 1627 You deserved it 101 94 7 19 24 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 17/2/2020 01:00 Missing a long time ends up no longer being Today, I went to meet my girlfriend after 3 months of not seeing each other, and I find out she has a new friend who she shares nudes with. FML I agree, your life sucks 1500 You deserved it 169 66 5 32 12 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 16/2/2020 20:00 Best revenge Today, I found out my ex boyfriend cheat on me. My sister told me he saw her making out with another girl. I exposed him for having a small penis as revenge. FML I agree, your life sucks 503 You deserved it 1576 86 5 10 51 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 16/2/2020 18:00 Bad luck Today, a fly landed in my soup. When I first went to post an FML about it I dropped my phone in the toilet. I cleaned up my phone with a napkin. Now I have some poop under my nails. FML I agree, your life sucks 425 You deserved it 1286 24 2 22 76 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 16/2/2020 14:00 Oh gosh Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML I agree, your life sucks 1100 You deserved it 522 10 1 10 87 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tsbh - 16/2/2020 05:00 Badaboum Today, I eat some nuggets that looked weird, immediately after my stomach was hurting and I was full of gas. While, in the parking lot one of my friends made me laugh and a really big and noisy fart came out in front of everybody there, and I couldn’t stop laughing and farting. FML I agree, your life sucks 1091 You deserved it 499 14 2 6 141 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Thescarlettfox - 16/2/2020 01:00 Monster in my bathroom Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was my tuft of hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 1102 You deserved it 704 5 5 8 136 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 15/2/2020 13:00 My advantage Today, I found out why my girlfriend calls me Irish when I'm actually Welsh. I thought she was playing, but her friend informed me that it was because I'm annoying but at least I'm her pot of gold. FML I agree, your life sucks 1339 You deserved it 177 25 6 17 92 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 15/2/2020 14:00 Time to sleep Today, while my wife and I had sex, our dog jumped on, joined the bed and sleep next us. FML I agree, your life sucks 1098 You deserved it 294 12 3 8 112 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today I finally opened up to my boyfriend of two years about a sexual assault I endured as a teen. After a few lengthy conversations he finally sighed... I agree, your life sucks 4 You deserved it 1 0 Comments
my man's medical reasons are the cause of me going from full time to 1 or 2 days a week for work. yet he complains that I don't contribute ($). I get a... I agree, your life sucks 2 You deserved it 2 0 Comments
Today, while me and my husband had sex, I called my husband "Gabe". That's nowhere near his name and I don't even know a Gabe. He then asked what that... I agree, your life sucks 873 You deserved it 346 8 Comments
Today, I wanted to surprise my husband because of valentine's day by being naked with a towel. I waited behind a door for him to enter. When he arrived,... I agree, your life sucks 775 You deserved it 854 15 Comments
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