FML : Your everyday life stories

Weirdest FMLs of the Day Most Commented FMLs of the Day

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Insane click. He’s just as in love with me. He’s also got a condition I research in my job. It’s literally unethical for us to date. FML

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By JellicleCat - / Wednesday 24 April 2019 19:00 / United Kingdom - London

Today, while eating a BLT sandwich, I unexpectedly sneezed a lump of bacon up the back of my nose. It has just taken 6 hours of unpleasantness to snort the lump back out. Not how I wanted to spend my day off. FML

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By Snuffles - / Wednesday 24 April 2019 18:00 /

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to put a camera in my room so I could be watched at all times, to make sure I'm behaving. I'm 14. FML

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By goodlkjh - / Wednesday 24 April 2019 14:00 / South Africa

Today, my boss told me that he didn’t want to promote me because my, “scores were too good.” He then told me that I would be getting twice as much work to do than my coworkers, without a raise. I work minimum wage. FML

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By Ihatemyjob - / Wednesday 24 April 2019 06:00 / United States

Today, during a meeting, the president of the honor society apologized for being out for a couple of days due to the flu, and wanted to get everything back on track. I mumbled that she hadn't shown good leadership by being out. I guess she heard me, because she said, “Neither does being a teen mom.” FML

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By upset mom - / Wednesday 24 April 2019 04:00 /

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

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By "lk07" - / Tuesday 23 April 2019 12:00 / United States - Richmond

Today, several of my apartment complex neighbors walked right by me as I struggled to clean the inches thick, icy snow off of my SUV. I’m 4’11. Not one person offered to assist me, even after I slipped and fell several times. FML

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By TOOshort - / Tuesday 23 April 2019 16:00 /

Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML

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By Poopamus - / Tuesday 23 April 2019 14:00 /

Today, I was sternly told that if I didn't pass more students, I would be out of a job. I then went to my class to collect papers, and was stymied by how I could be giving passing grades to the 12 of 24 who didn't turn anything in. College students. FML

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By Is McDonald's Hiring? - / Tuesday 23 April 2019 12:00 /

Today, while walking to my bus stop, I saw a girl slip on black ice, then catch herself, and I laughed because people catching themselves slip are hilarious. I reach the same patch of black ice and go flying, falling on my hip and spilling my coffee all over me. FML

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By mus - / Tuesday 23 April 2019 04:00 /

Today, I found out that my friends all think, "Don't worry about it" means "It's free." I'm a few thousand dollars in debt and they back each other like a gang. Never mind all the Aussies who say it means, "Pay slowly." FML

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By Will - / Tuesday 23 April 2019 02:00 /

Today, while having sex with my wife, I got a sudden leg cramp. While sliding off the bed, I found a sewing needle. With my ball sack. I ended up with a one-inch gash. FML

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By Kmcc - / Monday 22 April 2019 12:00 /

Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML

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By MysticSoup - / Sunday 21 April 2019 22:00 / United States - Carthage

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a Snowshoeing date. I felt sick and suggested we turn back. He said I could wait in the car and continued on the date alone. He was gone for hours, while I was stuck alone in a national park with no cell reception, food, or water. FML

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By kanmcdan - / Monday 22 April 2019 00:00 /

Today, it's raining pretty hard and there are a bunch of puddles everywhere. I’m in a full rain suit and great boots, so instead of walking around the puddles, I decided to walk through the biggest one, only to drop down 4 feet, all because the city didn’t cover up a massive manhole. FML

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By jayscalaro - / Sunday 21 April 2019 20:00 /

Today, my best friend and I decided to dye our hair blue. We didn’t mean to also dye the ceiling, walls, shower, or floor. We DEFINITELY didn’t mean to dye our faces the day before school pictures that cannot be rescheduled. FML

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By Leijabug - / Sunday 21 April 2019 18:00 /

Today, after waiting two months to attend a very important course, I finally got to go. This is the same day I caught a horrible cold, got Auntie Flow’s monthly visit, my IBS flared up, and my acid reflux as well. So here I go, crampy, constipated, congested, and gassy. FML

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By ugh. - / Sunday 21 April 2019 07:00 / United States - Palo Alto

Today, after seeing my cat struggle to use the litterbox and produce nothing for two days, I caved and took him to the emergency vet, fearing a UTI. It wasn't. $200 and 2 Lyft rides later, he's stoned out of his mind and peeing just fine. FML

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By RyoKioKio - / Sunday 21 April 2019 12:00 /

Today, while trying to get over all the emotional things I've been going through, I forgot that my bedroom door was open and here my silly behind was dancing in my underwear while my roommate watched on. FML

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By "LovelySB" / Sunday 21 April 2019 04:00 /

Today, I found out my boss likes to shit talk about me when I'm not around. Best part is I don't know what I've done to piss him off. FML

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By DingusGinger - / Sunday 21 April 2019 02:00 /

Today, we had an office party. I got extremely drunk and invited my younger coworker into the bathroom to make out repeatedly. Not only did he reject me multiple times, but he also looked super traumatised and hasn’t said a word to me since. FML

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By Justanotherwreck - / Saturday 20 April 2019 16:00 /

Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. needing a drink. Not only did my cat wake everyone up when I tripped over him, but I also spilled a whole gallon of milk on myself. FML

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By of course - / Saturday 20 April 2019 12:00 /

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me using LinkedIn, a platform people use to connect with potential employers. FML

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By linked - / Friday 19 April 2019 20:00 / Canada - Edmonton

Today, I found out that my fiancé has been talking to another girl behind my back about how much he hates being with me. Turns out he’s been talking to her everyday for 3 months, and she kept pushing him to leave me, but he was only staying because I cook for him. FML

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By alone - / Saturday 20 April 2019 02:00 /

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. While living with my ex. The reason we broke up? He decided he doesn't want kids anymore. After 25k spend on fertility treatment. FML

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By - / Thursday 18 April 2019 18:00 / Canada

Today i found myself sitting in the bathroom at work searching the internet for the alcohol and caloric content of cool mint listerine..... I now believe that i may have a problem. FML

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By The_failure - / Thursday 18 April 2019 20:00 /

Today, for the second time in a row, I slammed into the edge of the doorway while half asleep. My entire body hurts. FML

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By Clumsy - / Thursday 18 April 2019 18:00 /

Today, The other week was my first week back at highschool. I started off the day by dropping all my books in a crowded corridor, and getting my period, as I bleed through my skirt. I also got knocked over and fell over in front of my whole class. FML

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By Schoolgirl - / Thursday 18 April 2019 16:00 /

Today I got grilled by my manager for not finishing a wall display.. She wanted me to re arrange a 15m wall (solo) in one hour before we closed . I didn't finish it as I was attending to a customer who come into my work, (a pharmacy) with his head split open. She said that wasn't a valid excuse FML

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By CatofSteel - / Thursday 18 April 2019 22:00 / Australia - Melbourne

Today I realised that my period will line up perfectly with Valentine’s Day which will be my first having a boyfriend. FML

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By alawnnah / Thursday 18 April 2019 12:00 /