Your everyday life stories

Today, after establishing that we have no idea what's wrong with me, only that it's chronic pain, my doctor informed me that even though I've been dealing with increasingly worse symptoms for years, I'm not a "good applicant" for pain medication. FML

By Charity Taylor - 18/10/2019 22:00

Some pain, no gain

175

Today, I found out that I'm just one of the millions who got scammed by what seemed to be a legit website. None of the negative reviews or bugs appeared until after I spent a fortune of someone else’s money on a server that will never arrive. FML

By Eddie B - 18/10/2019 20:00

Scammed

234

By Alan - 18/10/2019 18:00

FML's Favorite Funny Fuck-Ups of the Week!

Here's a bunch of people (and animals) fucking up, or just not understanding how the world works. Relatable stuff, probably.

Today, our boat broke down in the middle of a lake at sunset. We called our friend for help, and his truck and trailer got stuck in mud at the boat ramp. We called the sheriff's office to tow his vehicle out of the mud. The tow strap broke. FML

By TabbyCat87 - 18/10/2019 16:00

Cursed lake

460

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 14:00

Back-seat parenting

583

Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML

By GetFuzzy - 18/10/2019 12:00

Coach Class

172

784

Today, I was texting the guy I like. I asked him why our friend didn't want to come to the movies with us. He replied, "She didn't want to be the third wheel, but it's not like I'm going to put the moves on you. I'm out of your league, and you're socially awkward anyway." That's just what I wanted. FML

By Sheev - 18/10/2019 06:00 - United States - San Francisco

This Charming Man

871

Today, at work, I put my earphones in to listen to some music. An hour later, I realised I never pressed play. FML

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 04:00

Definitely done that

420

543

Today, it's my 16th birthday. It's also it is the day my parents scheduled my wisdom teeth to be pulled out. Happy birthday to me, then. FML

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 02:00

Birthday Boy

883

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that yes, girls do get armpit hair, we just have to shave it. FML

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 00:02

Smash the Patriarchy!

906

113

Today, I learned that, just like in the movies, your ex-boyfriend can eventually wind up being your stepfather. FML

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 22:00

Love is strange

1262

Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML

By erinbarto - 17/10/2019 20:00

Soon.

892

Today, I woke this morning to my girlfriend asking me how many calories are in her deodorant. FML

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 18:00

Strange Diet

930

123

Today, while riding the train, some druggie got into a dispute with some random passengers. Even though I didn't even look at them fighting, he decided I was a threat and punched me, a pregnant woman, and some bikers. Now I've got a black eye. FML

By InPain - 17/10/2019 16:00

The joys of public transport

1222

Today, for the first time in months, I wore my naturally curly hair instead of straightening it. Later on at work, a customer pointed at my hair and said, "Look, Bellatrix fucked a poodle." All my coworkers laughed. FML

By pinkpanther61789 - 17/10/2019 14:00

Thanks for the support, guys!

1157

Today, I found out via Facebook that my older sister just had another baby, a whole week ago, whose name is my middle name. No one told me. I didn't even know she was pregnant. FML

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 12:00 - Australia

Family Ties

1117

258

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 06:00

Had any calls lately?

600

939

Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML

By randomsamm - 17/10/2019 04:00 - United States - Birmingham

Alas, poor Donatello

1395

146

Today, I got pulled over by a cop and got slammed with a ticket for expired tabs on my motorcycle. The DMV was literally across the street. I was heading there to get new tabs. FML

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 02:00 - United States

ACAB

1127

504

Today, I was promptly told to lose weight today by my computer desk when it broke under the weight of my leg. FML

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 00:01

Desks are so judgmental these days!

840

450

Today, I was standing in the shower drying off when my sister came in the bathroom. She must have thought I was a burglar because she hit the shower curtain and punched me in the face. FML

By leah - 16/10/2019 22:00

Whooped

1108

Today, I went to a dispensary to find relief for my chronic back pain. Turns out THC and my anxiety don't mix. I've been freaking out/paranoid/hyper diligent all night. I'm out $200, but at least thanks to my panic, I forgot my back pain. FML

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 20:00

Silver linings

1067

241

Today, my one-year-old son locked me out of the house. I had no spare key and both him and my 4-month-old decided that was the perfect time to scream bloody murder. FML

By mama bear - 16/10/2019 18:00

Call the Midwife-slash-Locksmith

1089

221

Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 16:00

Spider-man

475

946

Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML

By Surewhatever - 16/10/2019 14:01

Not on a plane

1119

Today, I learned that my parents lied. They didn't meet each other at an acid house rave. They met each other at a crack house. FML

By CrackHouseBaby - 16/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

This Is Us

1225

109

Today, after cancelling work, arguing with my family, scrambling to pack my bags, speeding to the airport and filling in immigration forms to fly out to have a much needed holiday, I wasn't allowed to check in. My passport has less than 6 months away from expiration on it. Yes, that's a thing, apparently. FML

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 06:00 - Australia

The devil is in the details

1022

955

Today, my vegan sister told my kids where meat and dairy products come from, in a very detailed way. They now refuse to eat meat, and want to, "rescue all the poor animals." FML

By Cheryl - 16/10/2019 04:00

Go, Vegan!

1402

372

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuck buddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 02:00

Romantic mood

1462

120