All the FMLs

Harsh

By Anonymous - 01/10/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad took my son out of his will, so I confronted him. Turns out he has a new policy of “not rewarding dumb behaviour.” He’s willing to put him back in the will, if he ever scores over 120 on an IQ test. I love my son, but he’s a happy goldfish, 120 is just never happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 10

Which is worse?

By Anonymous - 01/10/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, my husband was diagnosed with cancer, but that's not the worst part. He immediately told me he wanted a divorce afterwards. He insists that he's doing it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 12

Ewwww, dude

By unknown - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 348

You deserved it 4 834

Cats and fish

By Anonymous - 01/10/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I decided to try online dating, but installed a IP tracker link before I did. Every freaking profile who messaged me was from Nigeria. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 15

Classic annoyance

By Anonymous - 01/10/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I was making dinner when my smoke alarm started going off. I opened all the windows and waved a towel underneath it. After ten minutes, I realized the alarm wasn't reacting to the food. Its battery was dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 68

Lucky day

By Anonymous - 01/10/2026 09:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was cleaning my apartment when I found a €20 note underneath the sofa cushion. I was pretty happy until I remembered I'd lost €20 a few days earlier and spent an hour looking for it. I'd finally found my own money and felt lucky about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 43

Strange flex, but OK

By Jpah - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 080

You deserved it 3 958

The message

By Alex - 01/10/2026 00:00 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I bought a birthday card, wrote a long message, then sealed the envelope. At the party, I handed it over and immediately noticed the name on the front. I'd bought two cards at the same time and given her the one meant for someone else, my secret crush. I fled as soon as I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 248

The limp

By xxxxx - 30/09/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I wore a new pair of shoes to work that I'd bought yesterday. Around lunchtime, I finally realised that one shoe felt slightly tighter than the other. I took it off and found some paper stuffing still inside. I'd spent five hours walking around with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 242

Optical illusion

By Anonymous - 30/09/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I got home and noticed my kitchen light was on. I was annoyed because I'd definitely switched it off that morning. Then I noticed that I'd left the curtains open. The sun was shining directly through the window onto the wall. I'd spent five minutes investigating sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 227

Fate

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got to work in the ER at the local hospital. A lady came in with high blood sugar. She was concerned because the same thing happened to her husband. I reassured her, telling her she'd be back with her husband in an hour or so. Her husband died four years ago from something similar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 695

You deserved it 7 707

GeoGuessr not so much

By food plz - 30/09/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I ordered takeaway and waited outside my building for the delivery driver. After ten minutes, he called and said he'd arrived. I told him I couldn't see him. He said he was standing outside my building. We were both outside different buildings with the same number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 54

Arbitrary recruitment methods

By Better company is calling? BYE!!! - 30/09/2026 12:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, during a job interview, the recruiters obviously ran out of ammo and were winging it. They made us do certain "activities" and one was by showing them our phone's wallpaper. Mine has a picture of a cute anime video game witch with a slight panty shot. Guess who got judged and did not move to the next stage? FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 381

Welcome home!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got home from college. Since I haven't seen my parents in almost a year, I sorta expected them to come meet me/pick me up at the airport. Nope. What did I get instead? A text from my dad saying, "I hope you have a key." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 549

You deserved it 3 519

A rock and a hard place

By Vicious cycle - 30/09/2026 03:00 - Germany - Essen

Today, after nearly three weeks of gastritis, my stomach has finally calmed down and I'm no longer feeling sick all day. Also today I woke up with a debilitating migraine and I can't function without taking pain medication. Guess how my stomach likes that… FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 62

BIKES!

By Anonymous - 30/09/2026 00:00 - Portugal

Today, I came down hard on the top bar of my bike, and crunched my balls. I felt sick almost immediately, and by the time I got home I was still nauseous, tender, uncomfortable, and very relieved to finally be able to rest with an ice pack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 83

Thnks…

By Anonymous - 29/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Portland

Today, it's my 66th birthday. My parents gave me a Stinging Cactus. It's already stuck me 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 90

The Blob

By Anonymous - 29/09/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband's five days of constipation came to an abrupt end when he woke up, farted, tried to dash to the bathroom but didn’t make it in time. He then proceeded to drop a log on the hallway carpet over a foot long, as thick as a can of Lynx antiperspirant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 45

Mixed messages

By mook - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my neighbor confessed to me that he was homophobic and regrets that his family doesn't know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining how much he would hate to have a gay child. I spent two hours last night convincing his son that it was the right thing to tell his family he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 532

You deserved it 5 762

Cat meet fish

By Am I gay…?? - 29/09/2026 15:00 - China - Shanghai

Today, I was riding on a bus while texting my online girlfriend that I've known her for two years, I asked her, “We’ve known each other for two years, shall we now meet each other publicly?” Next to me there was a 50 year-old man. As soon as I sent the message on my phone, I heard a ding sound from that man. Then he smiled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 152

Divine intervention?

By You’re not Mary, I know you cheated! - 29/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, we learned that my fiancée was having a cryptic pregnancy when she went to the hospital fearing food poisoning and came out with a baby. She never gained a pound or showed any symptoms at all. Even more miraculous is that we’re both women. Yeah my world is pretty much over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 92

Double trouble

By Anonymous - 29/09/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, as I bent over to pick up my baby, a wasp flew into my bra. I jumped up in a panic, flattening the wasp between my boob and my bra, where it stung me on the nipple, which is now swollen, a funny colour, and throbbing. Did I mention the nipple was already irritated from breastfeeding? FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 57

About time

By whatthehell - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that secondhand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 621

You deserved it 3 811

Suspect

By Anonymous - 29/09/2026 03:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been actively cheating on me the whole relationship. When I called him out and showed him the evidence, he lied to my face, saying he didn’t know who sent the Facebook messages, but that it wasn't him and he did nothing wrong. He is constantly on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 73

How so?

By Anonymous - 29/09/2026 00:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I found out my girlfriend is stronger than me. She has stronger muscles than me, even her biceps, and she has average muscles for a girl. I do find it hot to be honest especially when she pins me in wrestling, but it's still a little embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 357

I'd like to speak to the manager

By Kyla - 28/09/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I'm living in a hotel and every morning during breakfast, I inspect the muffins and see hair under the clear wrap. This morning, I finally found no hair when looking at the muffins and I really wanted one. I peeled back the clear wrap and immediately revealed hair. Why is this place so disgusting? FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 76

Motherhood is wonderful

By Anonymous - 28/09/2026 20:00 - United States - Decatur

Today, I woke up at 4 a.m., my back sore from being twisted like a pretzel due to my toddler. I successfully moved him, then my sick baby woke up, tried to nurse, screamed because he couldn’t breathe through his nose, screamed because I suctioned his nose, tried to nurse a blanket, then screamed when I offered him an actual boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 84

Mommy issue

By MonsterInLaw - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Lincoln

Today, my 21-year-old girlfriend finally got the courage to tell her mom that she wanted to move in with me. It turns out she was right to be afraid; during the talk, her mother yelled at us, calling her a slut and saying she was too young to be "shacking up with some guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 446

You deserved it 6 135

Quite the question

By Slxxt - 28/09/2026 15:00 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I wondered if it's it weird when your “friends “ show up in the places where they refused to go with you, but then act surprised the next time they see you in the exact same place where you said you were going, or it is just me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 46

Dr Phil reruns

By Anonymous - 28/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Hampton

Today, I’m being kept awake in the middle of the night trying to distract myself with trashy TV as my entire foot radiates with pain. The surgery was a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 49

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 364

You deserved it 339 423

Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 379

You deserved it 7 880

Random

Today, I found out I sleepwalk. How you might ask? By awakening the moment just before I fell from the stairs. I was better off sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 141

You deserved it 2 575

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 804

You deserved it 13 988

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 451

You deserved it 6 790

Today, I was feeling pretty proud of myself for building an Ikea shelf/dresser combo completely by myself. When going to put the last drawer together, I dropped one of the boards. The corner landed perfectly in the middle of my phone screen, shattering it. It's going to cost $230 to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 440

You deserved it 303

Today, I had just gotten out of the bath when a police officer knocked on my door. I answered in my towel, and he told me I had to leave due to a bomb scare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 134

Today, I asked my friend if he’d ever consider going vegan, like me. His response was, and I quote, “Ew, no, I’d rather get shot! How dare you even ask?” A simple “No thanks, I’m not interested” would’ve done just fine, bro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 613