All the FMLs

School project [gone sexual]

By Cail - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out that he was a good speaker, and could incite passion in a crowd. Instead, what came out was, "Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 841

You deserved it 66 980

Unforgettable

By Edward - 09/12/2021 13:59

Today, I realized that since I was in elementary school, my friends, my workmates, and even my family, all call me accidentally by someone else's name instead of my actual name. I'm 30 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 12

Act your age

By notthatoldyet - 09/12/2021 10:59

Today, I was reliving my youth watching videos of *NSYNC on YouTube, when a suggested ad popped up for “Haircuts for women over 50.” I’m only 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 72

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 09/12/2021 08:01

Today, not only is my son stupid enough to spend £50 on a bag of garden weeds because the dealer told him it was marijuana, he's also stupid enough to refuse to believe he was conned, and try to smoke it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 36

Hypocritical

By creepingjennie - 09/12/2021 04:59

Today, I realized that the only thing that relieves my chronic facial pain is vaping CBD. I previously was very vocal about how much I hate smoking and vaping. My kids think I'm a hypocrite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 303

Mr Romantic

By Mellon - 09/12/2021 01:59

Today, I was doubting my boyfriend's feelings for me, so I asked him if he found me attractive. He replied, "Well, you're thin enough…" That's all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 67

Thanks, I hate it

By Herbie - 08/12/2021 23:01

Today, the rearranged meeting, for which I was instructed by my boss to cancel my holiday for, got cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 29

First dates

By Anonymous - 08/12/2021 18:59 - United Kingdom - Blackburn

Today, I went to a Christmas market with a guy. Not only did he buy himself a hot chocolate, he made me pay for his pancakes, which he threw away halfway through. He took me to a bar after ,just to get himself a nice cocktail, and free tap water for me. Nice date, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 119

Don't knock it until you try it

By Pinsky - 08/12/2021 16:59

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 146

The best day of your life

By How's the salmon? - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my drunken mother shouted at me at the top of her lungs, "All men are fucking assholes, and your new husband is no different!" during our wedding reception. All he did was ask her how she liked the salmon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 052

You deserved it 3 094

You wouldn't let it lie

By Anonymous - 08/12/2021 07:59 - United States - Verona

Today, I couldn't have a conversation with my mother without it turning into yet another rehash of 20 years of bad family history, like a broken record. An hour later and I just want to jump out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 50

Sneaky

By Loser - 08/12/2021 10:58

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 47

Good boy

By Anonymous - 08/12/2021 07:58

Today, I don’t ask much, just a bit of peace and my armchair, but now I don’t get either since my wife rescued a pitbull that weighs 8 stone, barks constantly and hates me. The first night it was here, it sat on my chair and bit me when I tried to move it, then overnight tore my chair to bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 98

Cheapskate

By Anonymous - 08/12/2021 05:01

Today, I asked my sister why she doesn’t visit our dad in hospital anymore. He’s been in a coma for months, but what she said was just nasty. Apparently, if she wanted to talk to a vegetable, she’d yell into the fridge once a week, at least it would save her the long bus ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 110

SATAN!

By Anonymous - 08/12/2021 02:01

Today, my nana tried to drown my pet rat because it's white with red eyes, and red eyes mean it’s Satan in disguise, and yet my mom still refuses to admit she needs to be in a nursing home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 78

Cold

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 22:59

Today, my dad justified leaving two of my three kids out of his will because they’re adopted and so not really his proper grandchildren, telling me I can’t seriously expect him to just give his money to people who aren’t real family members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 140

LET ME SLEEP

By Goth - 07/12/2021 19:59 - Sweden

Today, I reached a total of 3 doctors, 1 therapist, 1 psychiatrist, and 5 prescribed medications, all because my body refuses to let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 51

Mr Whiskers takes priority

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 16:58

Today, my daughter forgot my birthday. When I asked her, she said she'd remembered my birthday, but was too busy at work to acknowledge it. However, she did have time to post a message on Facebook, wishing a happy birthday to her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 81

Is this a joke?

By phantomdriver - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge… while we were crossing a river. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 351

You deserved it 3 656

Pay a living wage

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 14:01

Today, I live in a world where I work 50 hours a week, and yet after paying all necessary bills, eating one meal a day, and only drinking water from the tap, I am £130 pounds poorer than last week, all because I had to use my credit card and increase my debt to buy petrol and pay the gas bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 76

Priorities

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 11:01

Today, my ex called to ask me to pick up our kids, because she'd scored a hot date and didn't have time, and then didn't answered the phone over the next two hours. I live 80 miles away and have no idea what school they go to, since they moved to a new city. How the fuck did the judge give her full custody? FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 110

Relaxing chimes

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my new neighbor just put up really loud wind chimes. I just got a ton of letters under my door, stating if I don't take them down, they're going to file a noise complaint with the building management. She owns her condo, I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 48

Barf

By sewraerae - 06/12/2021 22:59 - United States - Tampa

Today, while I took a short nap, my husband thought it would be a good idea to give our 9 month-old a shake with a whole milk base, despite being told several times he can’t digest it. Later, while we were out and about, he threw up. I rode home in the backseat with the baby, covered in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 83

Unfair dismissal

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 01:59

Today, I got fired from my new job. It was the start of my third week, and I got fired for not opening the store. The manager forgot to give me keys to open the store, and was two hours late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 55

Jealous of Charles Manson? OK dude…

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 18:59 - Brazil - Joinville

Today, I realized that even the worst criminals have girls falling for them, and meanwhile, I just got ghosted again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 183

The nerve!

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 20:01

Today, a couple of packages were stolen from our apartment doorstep shortly after being delivered. A little while later, the thief brought the torn packaging back and left them at the bottom of our stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 63

The price of partying

By Rafael - 06/12/2021 17:01

Today, and since I went to a club with a few friends for the first time two days ago, I now have tinnitus, which still persists and I'm worried it might be permanent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 190

Monday Motivation

By Katie - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, while on trial for a desperately needed new job, I tripped crossing a road with my would-be manager. I twisted my ankle, and he had to carry me across the road and call a taxi for me to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 687

You deserved it 2 918

You may be entitled to compensation…

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 14:01

Today, I was working when a forklift came speeding out a trailer without honking. I jumped out the way, only to trip over something and fall out the dock door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 57

Sleep deprivation-induced psychosis

By C…… - 06/12/2021 11:01

Today, It’s the middle of the night and I just watched a Kenny G documentary, and found it absolutely fascinating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 180

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 48

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 146

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 47