Your everyday life stories

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 138

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 752

The Lovecats

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 05:00

Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 2

Diversion tactics

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 08:00

Today, upon getting the paperwork for my Court Diversion, I found out I had to write an apology letter to my brother. The brother who sent me to jail for trying to get him to stop abusing his girlfriend, and holding him instead of fighting when he charged at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 3

Nature hates me

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 05:00

Today, we all know how terrible those long, silent farts can be, right? Especially when they’re coming from your expensive, self-inflating air mattress, and you’re just about the farthest distance from home on a bikepacking trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 37

Rising Damp

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 17:00

Today, while I was asleep, my three-year-old cousin wet the bed again. MY bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 26

Mr Popular

By Loner - 18/10/2021 23:00

Today, I threw a goodbye party because I'm going to live to Chile soon. Nobody came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 33

Random Access Memories

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 17:00

Today, I learned the horrifying implications of my memory not being what it used to be when I bought a tasty-looking chocolate bar, only to realize upon taking a bite that I'd bought one before and not liked it one bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 130

Night snack

By adventurousnightsbutnotinagoodway - This fml is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, it was safe to say I started sleepwalking again, after I woke up with a mouth filled with soil and a ravaged plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 650

You deserved it 3 683

Pig in shit

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 14:00

Today, after leaving for a two-week-trip, and thinking this time my mom would finally have no choice but to clean the dirty toilet herself for once, because I’ve been doing it the entire year, along with most other chores, I think you can guess what I did first thing upon my return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 61

Liability

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 11:00

Today, my friend broke ties with me after I came out of the hospital from attempted suicide. She was the one who called the police for me to go in there in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 169

Quality family time

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 02:00

Today, I made a nice dinner for my relatives, as we share the same quarters for lockdown. For an hour, I had to hear the same old complaints about other relatives for the last ten years that I have been hearing about every day since lockdown. I wanted to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 49

Godammit Ursula!

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 23:00

Today, I found out that my sister has been telling people I’ve been dead for the last 3 months, to cover up the fact she used me to commit identity fraud. We’re identical twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 34

Bulk buying

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 20:00

Today, I picked up my online grocery order. The clerk asked about the party, because he assumed I was having one because of all the ice cream I'd ordered. I'm bulimic and everything was for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 237

Fuck management

By jobless! - 17/10/2021 23:00

Today, I tried to clock in at 2 pm, but the machine was malfunctioning and kept refusing my card until 2:01. Just yesterday, our manager gave a long angry speech about firing the next person who doesn’t clock in when they’re supposed to, “on the dot.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 55

How does that work?

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 20:00

Today, after I spent years, and thousands of dollars, searching for my birth father, he changed his mind about adopting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 90

Harsh

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 16:59

Today, while talking to the girl I have a crush on, I bragged how people tell me I have a voice for radio. She responded, "And the face for it too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 545

Spooky season

By soccerbuddyz - This fml is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. Now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 541

You deserved it 3 763

Loving is the hardest thing you'll ever do

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 14:00

Today my life revolves around nutrition mixes, feeding times, blankets, tooth problems, and the eternal question of what caused the diarrhea. Infants, right? Well no, actually: Very, very old horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 143

His stepdaughter, we hope

By Hetie - 17/10/2021 11:00

Today, my ex-husband got married to my daughter. She’s 18, a high school dropout, and pregnant with his child. She strongly believes she’ll have a bright future with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 90

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 138

Superspreaders

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 05:00

Today, I had dinner with my aunt and uncle recently. Halfway through, my uncle says, “This gravy tastes weird, does it taste OK to you? Oh sorry babe, I forgot you haven’t been able to smell or taste anything lately.” Well, into quarantine I go… FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 100

Glassed

By Penny - 17/10/2021 02:00

Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 101

All dressed up

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 23:00

Today, an elderly man came into my place of work wearing a nice suit. I commented, saying said he looked nice and asked what the special occasion was. He was going to a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 127

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 1 752

The UK is a mess

By Zeruda - 16/10/2021 16:00

Today, the metropolitan police told women to "flag a bus" if we don't feel safe with a lone male officer. Because that'll work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 66

It's not?

By 310 - This fml is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff

Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 589

You deserved it 4 068

It's all too much

By Ken Solo - 16/10/2021 14:00

Today, I had a coworker shout profanities at me and say he was going to punch me in the face. HR tells me they have a no tolerance policy, and I needed to stop being passive aggressive. He's the active aggressor with anger problems, but who isn't being reprimand, FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 71

Ed Shitran

By Lucky Willis - 16/10/2021 05:00

Today, I wrote a song for my ex-girlfriend, hoping maybe we could give it another try. I emailed it to her and went about my day, wondering if she would respond. About six hours later, a deputy knocks on my door and serves me with an order of protection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 1 095

Dumbass

By Ihatepol - 16/10/2021 08:03

Today, a lady asked for a refund for a taco kit because inside the box was just tortillas, seasoning and sauce. When I pointed out the text in small letters that she had to provide her own ingredients, she told my manager I disrespected her by making her feel stupid. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 46

In the way

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 05:00

Today, I was on a camping trip, just about to pitch my tent, when the fire brigade showed up. No, I did not set anything ablaze. This nice, quiet little meadow I picked to spend the night? It’s their habitual training ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 150

Yada yada yada

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 02:00

Today, I asked my husband how much he loved me and he refused to answer, because he was convinced I was using some unfair logic to start an argument, simply because I wanted to argue over something, anything. I later realised he was probably right. I’m an awful person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 1 277