Confession
senordonkeydildo says more :
Wow! I can't believe this got posted so fast. I only posted it like 3 days ago. Let me just inform you all that I made it out, SAFE and with UNBROKEN doors. I texted a buddy of mine and he came and got me out, but not before making me listen to him tell me a plethora of gay jokes. It was worth it though because after I came out of the closet (ha ha) we had some beers and played video games for a few...
By "senordonkeydildo" - / Sunday 23 April 2017 00:06 / United States - Center Conway
World
By Ana - / Tuesday 25 April 2017 14:33 / Brazil
By somanybirds - / Saturday 22 April 2017 18:26 / United States - Jacksonville
World

Today I went to the pharmacist to buy condoms because I was going to see my girlfriend. When I went to pick her up, I got to receive a sermon from her father, the pharmacist. FML

By Brayan - / Monday 24 April 2017 12:36 / Colombia
Confession
MrsMusselLady says more :
Lol no, it was my first weekend off after working 8 days in a row! I had gotten off work at 0700 and went straight home to that whole situation.
By MrsMusselLady - / Saturday 22 April 2017 08:10 / United Kingdom - Huntingdon
Confession

Today, my new roommate moved in. One of the first conversations we had began with her asking where I wanted her to put my menstrual cup, which I had absentmindedly left in the bathroom sink. FML

attak_fml says more :
Hey guys! OP here. First of all: yay, one of my submissions finally made it! So, to clear some things up: 1. The fml is obviously about me being embarrassed to death that this happened. I wanted to make a good first impression and I was so nervous and I forgot to put the cup away. It's defiantly not about me thinking she made an unreasonable request or anything. 2. The cup was emptied and thoroughly...
By katinka - / Friday 21 April 2017 12:47 /
Confession

Today, I finally met the cute guy that I've been talking to for the last 3 weeks. Turns out "5'8"" was a really big exaggeration for "5"3' in boots'. FML

SunDown2015 says more :
I'm the OP. So, let's be clear: I'm "5'6" and height isn't a big deal for me. What was important to me was that he lied. He also showed up to our meeting stoned off his ass, and then proceeded to throw a muddy basketball at me (which got all over my new shirt). Definitely not Prince Charming. I got out of there ASAP! I guess online dating just isn't my cup of tea. Thanks for the FML though! :)
By Hobbits&LiarsOhMy! - / Wednesday 19 April 2017 12:53 / United States - Nacogdoches
By BrokenHangLow - / Saturday 22 April 2017 12:32 / United States - Havelock
Confession

Today, while eating in a Mexican restaurant, I asked the waitperson how the drink my husband ordered was pronounced in Spanish. She replied, "Vodka Martini." FML

Exaspera says more :
OP here. What a surprise, my first published FML! Being a Mexican restaurant, all of the employees there were Mexican. I try to keep up on my Spanish and wanted to know the translation. This one turned out to be rather easy to remember. Cheers!
By Languages - / Wednesday 19 April 2017 13:57 / United States - Irving
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