All the FMLs

It's the most wonderful time of the year

By Demona666 - 06/12/2021 08:01

Today, I was in a car accident while driving to my brother's school to drop off some documents that he had to bring in, and forgot at home. While not even driving at 20 km/h, I started drifting on an icy spot. I hit a road sign and my car fell into a ditch. I probably have a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

Getting on a bit

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 05:01

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 36

Stinky

By josh - 06/12/2021 02:01

Today, while applying deodorant, my mom came up behind me slapped the stick out of my hand, and confiscated it, saying, “No one needs deodorant when it’s this cold.” At work, I got so many complaints about my B.O that I was sent home to go take a shower. I shower every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 31

Same

By Anonymous - 05/12/2021 23:01

Today, I realized that because of my past abusive relationship, I will never love anyone fully. In the back of my mind, I will always have a doubt, thinking that they don't want me or that I'm just a goal to achieve until they're ready to leave. It's to the point where I don't see a reason to try; everyone will leave and I'm OK with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 59

Rookie mistake

By hayley - 05/12/2021 20:00

Today, I was taking a nap when my dad texted me, asking me to go check the mail. So I went outside, then the wind blew the front door shut, and it automatically locked. I didn’t have my key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 114

Demonic possession

By no sleep til - 05/12/2021 17:00

Today, my girlfriend spent the night for the first time. It was like dancing the Hokey Pokey. No, that’s not a euphemism for sex. She stuck her right foot in my thigh, her knee in my spine, then moved her whole fucking body around the bed all night. I didn't sleep a wink all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 71

Remember One Direction stans?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 022

You deserved it 5 735

Sounds wonderful

By Loner - 05/12/2021 14:00

Today, I spent the thirty second consecutive day in a row seeing no one but my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 113

Escape game

By Anonymous - 05/12/2021 11:01

Today, my date escaped through a second-storey bathroom window before our drinks even arrived. She later texted me that it wasn’t my fault, I just reminded her too much of her father, even though I’m two years younger than her and look nothing like the photos I've seen of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 54

Toxic workplace

By Anonymous - 05/12/2021 08:01

Today, I had a seizure for the first time in months. My fiancé went over to my job to let them know I wouldn't be going in. My boss bitched both of us because I didn't call myself. Sure, I'll get right on that when I'm conscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 39

Car brain

By Anonymous - 05/12/2021 05:00

Today, I got woken up by my parents telling me I had to go buy a car so they could have transportation. Neither of their cars work, so I was letting them use mine, and then they wrecked it. It needs nearly a thousand bucks in repairs to be drivable again, but since it was my car, I have to replace it now to appease them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 100

Take the hint

By Anonymous - 05/12/2021 01:59

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 198

Workers of the world, unionize

By Labcat - 04/12/2021 14:00 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I have a great union job and have told my friends about it. I recently received three calls from a very irate person, blaming me for, "stealing their workers by telling them about 'union BS'." I literally can't find their company anywhere, but they claim they will sue me. I don't even know who they are! FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 59

TW: The final straw

By Anonymous - 04/12/2021 19:58

Today, I broke up with my long-term boyfriend, because his alcohol problem is so bad that he drank his way through an old bottle of Tequila, which belonged to my mum, and that I'd kept after she committed suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 57

Free money

By mmaresca - 04/12/2021 17:01

Today, after waiting 7 months to get my amended tax return refund, I was informed today that not only did they mail it to the wrong address, the person who they mailed it to cashed the check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 50

Mystery

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my 19 year-old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30 year-old guy who cleans our pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 050

You deserved it 7 949

Hairline King

By Anonymous - 04/12/2021 18:01 - Pakistan - Plot

Today, someone told me I have male pattern baldness; they thought so because I apparently have a "receding hairline." It's always been this way, I checked my pictures from the time I shaved my head when I was 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 52

End of the year assessment

By robbert - 04/12/2021 01:59 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I overheard my female coworkers huddling in the breakroom, rating the male coworkers from hottest to least. My manager is, “Probably packing, teehee.” The new kid, “has a girlfriend but that won’t stop me.” They unanimously agree that I’m, “friendly but probably lowkey a creep.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 164

Keep your hands to yourself

By jackofbadtrades - 04/12/2021 03:01 - Canada - Bridgewater

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw one of my friends using the student printer. I'm a very playful person and like teasing and joking with people, so I snuck up behind her and started tickling her. I tickled her, before realizing that I had never met her in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 1 074

Gaslighting 101

By mommy issues - 03/12/2021 19:56 - United States

Today, my mom refuses to believe that she’s responsible for my anxiety and nervous bowel conditions. She has screamed and berated me literally every day since I can remember. She would burst into my room and accuse me of hiding someone in there, and constantly used her religion to bully me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 58

Crossed purposes

By Anonymous - 03/12/2021 19:02 - Canada - Bienfait

Today, I found out my doctors could've killed me by mixing two meds that react badly and shouldn't be mixed. I've been taking them together for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 50

Shut up, bitch!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2021 19:59

Today, I went to see Ghostbusters: Afterlife. A family talked through the whole movie, phones on, watching YouTube videos, totally interrupting the experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 90

Murderer!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2021 17:01

Today, my husband got charged with felony animal cruelty, because while I was at work, he shot someone's hunting dog on our property. I'm a veterinarian. This should be great for my reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 123

Same thing

By fml - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 564

You deserved it 2 404

Welcome to middle age

By Adrianna - 03/12/2021 13:59

Today, I pulled a shoulder muscle opening my front door. How are your thirties going? FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 81

This needs further details!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2021 11:01

Today, I was conned out of £50,000 by my own father, who everyone thought had been dead for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 125

Man whore

By Anonymous - 03/12/2021 07:58

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 2 827

Bad admin

By selmar wick - 03/12/2021 05:01 - Angola

Today, my bank sent me a message, saying that they'd disabled my account. To reactivate it, I need the account number, and I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 199

What the F are you doing?

By WaychulMonster - 02/12/2021 18:03 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, when I got back from running errands, I had to explain to my 50 year-old mother-in-law the dangers of suffocation. She let my 5 year-old daughter play with the plastic packaging from water bottles, and it was OK because, "it was only on her head for 2-3 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 78

Blue Christmas

By xlees - 02/12/2021 16:58 - New Zealand

Today, my mum told me she would rather spend Christmas with her boyfriend than with her own family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 120

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 36

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 198