All the FMLs

Language of love

By TheGirl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 429

You deserved it 3 960

It's teamwork

By Anonymous - 08/07/2026 15:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I'm home, taking care of my kids and keeping the house in order, so that my working wife is able to relax but she doesn't appreciate me at all and hates that I'm not like her best friend's wealthy husband, even though I do my best, and really wish I could be the breadwinner in the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 23

Workplace etiquette

By Shoe - 08/07/2026 12:00 - United States - Hilliard

Today, I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a picture that my boss’s girlfriend posted. I walked into his office and said, “DUDE! You gotta set me up with that hot chick in the Facebook photo with you and your girlfriend! I would totally hit that!” It was his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 251

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 08/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Bridgeport

Today, a friend temporarily staying at my house with his cats scared one of them into my basement, where the cat then climbed up within the walls to somewhere on the second floor. He then left as he was on a deadline to get to TN by a specific time. He told me I could keep his cat, who is stuck somewhere in a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 29

What's her secret?

By Anonymos_fmler - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 031

You deserved it 5 328

Thanks Gemini

By Anonymous - 08/07/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I took my nephew to the zoo and spent the day telling him fun animal facts. At the giraffe enclosure, I explained that giraffes can't make sounds. Right on cue, one let out the loudest snorting noise I've ever heard. My six year-old nephew looked at me and said, "Maybe Google isn't always right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 250

Meme posting IRL

By fuck off dad, just fuck off k? - 08/07/2026 00:00 - The Netherlands

Today, I excitedly told my parents I was going to India for an exotic vacation in two months. My dad responded with a "DO NOT REDEEM THE VACATION!" reaction in a racist voice while laughing. My mom snorted and fake-chastised him while also laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 188

Box fresh

By Anonymous - 07/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I was giving a lecture when I noticed everyone smiling at me. I thought my jokes were finally landing until a coworker pointed out that the price tag from my brand-new shirt was hanging out of the back of my collar the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 145

Safe travels

By Sleepy head - 07/07/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I'd booked a window seat for my first flight because I wanted to enjoy the view. A few minutes after takeoff, I fell asleep. I woke up just as we were about to land, with a dead phone, a stiff neck, and absolutely no idea what the clouds looked like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 184

Party time!

By revalc - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I'm having my housewarming party and had prepared food, drink, and games for all the 19 confirmed guests on Facebook. I waited till 11, but nobody showed up. I checked Facebook again and realized I had accidentally put tomorrow as the party date. I have to work the whole day tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 680

You deserved it 52 146

Step brothers

By Anonymous - 07/07/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my stepson hit my biological son with a belt. When I demanded to know why, it turned out that my son destroyed his (stepson's) laptop while raging over his stupid video game. My husband is completely mortified and I have no idea who to be more mad at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 87

Too good to be true?

By Dude - 07/07/2026 12:00 - The Netherlands

Today, my wife's friend's husband broke the unwritten "man rule" of not being TOO good of a husband. He turned over a new leaf and started really busting his ass, so his wife bragged on him to my wife, and now she's sulking and refusing sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 541

This is just the beginning

By Anonymous - 07/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Detroit

Today, the power went out to my house a second time after coming on a few days ago due to a series of severe storms that rolled through the area. The first knockout took less than 12 hours. This one? A little over three days in a heat wave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 53

Loot

By ScrewedForCheapBag - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Sacramento

Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 705

You deserved it 2 672

Scythe control

By Auntie Katrina - 07/07/2026 03:00 - Philippines

Today, I caught three burglars in our house. I screamed, trying to get my husband and adult son to wake up. The burglars fled, badly wounded after being fought off by my skinny nine year-old niece with two gardening sickles. My muscular husband and overweight son were both still in bed, pretending to be asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 76

Idiots, idiots everywhere

By Anonymous - 07/07/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, at work in the emergency department, we had several young people come in with heart palpitations. These idiots decided to mix pre-workout with Red Bull instead of water. I’m amazed none of them died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 53

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 06/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, my wife and I surprised our son with a trip to Disney World for his birthday. He said no because he wants to play his new PS5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 106

First and last date

By hairless by death - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 599

You deserved it 4 279

Point taken

By Billy - 06/07/2026 15:00 - United States - New York

Today, after a nasty argument about the "necessity" of cars, I accepted a challenge to move a washing machine with a bicycle trailer. I got it loaded on, then started off down the street. The first time I tried to stop, I ran into a ditch with the washing machine falling on top of me. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 597

Hero of the hour

By Anonymous - 06/07/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I stopped a car with its handbrake off from rolling into a group of kids by holding it until it stopped with me half under the tyre, dislocating my knee. Everyone said I was a hero except my dad, who threw an empty can at me because now I can’t push his wheelchair to the working men’s club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 43

Friends in need…

By Anonymous - 06/07/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I made a trip that would usually takes three hours, but took over five thanks to holiday traffic, to comfort my best friend after another breakup with her horrible boyfriend. We'd planned to go and watch the fireworks; instead she completely ghosted me in this strange town so she and him could "work things out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 105

Caught in a lie

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I posted my status on Facebook as "slightly hungover." My grandma commented on it with, "Liar, you were helping me clean last night." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 451

You deserved it 70 631

DMV blues

By Anonymous - 06/07/2026 03:00 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I spent two hours finding, gathering, and printing documentation to go to the DMV to get my real ID. Makeup, hair, everything done, on my way there. They’re closed today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 322

A very good boy

By Dog lady - 06/07/2026 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, I volunteered to watch my friend's dog. Everything was great until I took him to the dog park and another owner asked what his name was. I completely blanked, spent ten awkward seconds making eye contact with the dog, then finally admitted I'd been calling him "Buddy" all morning. His actual name is Kevin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 178

Double standard

By Anonymous - 05/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, my former in-laws have been giving me crap for remarrying only four months after my divorce, yet they had no problem with my ex-wife remarrying only a week after our divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 95

Birthday boy

By Pround auntie - 05/07/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I carefully wrapped my nephew's birthday present so it would look perfect. He thanked me, pushed it aside, and spent the next two hours pretending the empty cardboard box was a spaceship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 129

Teamwork

By Jorgen - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my workplace, $200 checks were given to every employee for how well the corporation was doing. The temps didn't get any. Guess who was the only temp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 106

You deserved it 2 398

Stable genius

By Evelyn - 05/07/2026 15:00 - Canada - Dunsford

Today, I was trying to get a tan on my grandma's back yard with my shirt off, and I was sure that she was sleeping. Ten minutes in, she wanted to know what I was doing while she got on her phone, and I got embarrassed because I thought she was sleeping, but she was standing RIGHT THERE. I HATE EVERYTHING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 371

Lost in music

By Anonymous - 05/07/2026 12:00 - France - Lille

Today, I wore noise-canceling headphones while cleaning my apartment. Apparently I'd been singing at the top of my lungs for nearly an hour, because my neighbor knocked on my door just to ask if everything was OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 316

News to me

By Paul - 05/07/2026 09:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I finally mustered up the courage to ask someone out. She smiled, hugged me, and said, "That's so sweet. I'll have to ask my fiancé if he's OK with it." That was how I found out she was engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 104

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Parents Weird School Kids Fight Abuse Awkward Cops Mysterious Work Embarrassing Food Health Keys Allergies Money Animals Birds Ironic Facebook Social Media Relatable AITA Cats Friends Transportation Airplanes Clothes Cute

The Top

Today, I was locked out of my house. With no other available option, I decided to try and ninja my way through a window. However, as it turns out, I would make a terrible ninja. I now have a sprained ankle and a broken window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 413

You deserved it 5 460

Today, I found a picture my husband had saved on the computer. It was of me, and he had named it "Fatter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 222

You deserved it 12 614

Today, feeling confident, I asked my boyfriend what he thought of my new body, since I had lost 16 kilos over the past month. He told me that he missed the old me and wanted me to gain weight again. My boyfriend was the one that encouraged me to lose weight in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 511

You deserved it 3 861

Today, I gave my sister a stun gun for her birthday since she recently had a couple "close calls" walking home from work late at night. She was so excited and thankful that she wanted to express her gratitude by shocking me to see if it really worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 205

You deserved it 14 819

Today, when I checked on my last payroll, I realized that I pay more in taxes than I do in house bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 128

Today, I used the “Find My…” app to locate a missing AirPods. Good news: I found them. Bad news: they are inside my dog’s belly. Next stop: Emergency vet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 181