By Anonymous - 3/4/2020 08:00 Not so special Today, the guy I've been dating and sleeping with told me he is also dating another woman, but that they only kiss. I was under the impression we were exclusive for two months now, since I told him if we slept together that it would be. FML I agree, your life sucks 317 You deserved it 34 16 0 10 4 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 3/4/2020 05:00 Unhygienic or he's a natural hunter-gatherer Today, I found my missing wedding band inside my 2-year old's pull up. It was accompanied by two coins, a Hot Wheels car, a pebble, and a dead bug. FML I agree, your life sucks 345 You deserved it 66 4 1 7 40 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 3/4/2020 02:00 - South Africa Reasonable dude Today, my fiancé told me that he expects me to agree to quit my job to cook and clean after we get married, or he will not show up at our wedding. He earns minimum wage and my salary is 17 times higher than his. FML I agree, your life sucks 711 You deserved it 124 9 1 62 21 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hollerz90 - 2/4/2020 23:00 Red Right Hand Today, I came home to find my dad in my room, watching porn on my computer. When I asked him what he was doing, he closed the computer, stood up, stared at me awkwardly and then said, "You should really avoid those sites" and left my room. FML I agree, your life sucks 703 You deserved it 57 5 6 13 92 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alex Kiwi - 2/4/2020 20:00 Preemptive strike Today, I grounded my son for vaping. However, the coronavirus has already grounded all of us. FML I agree, your life sucks 679 You deserved it 146 4 2 1 68 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 2/4/2020 17:00 Marriage (Dress) Story Today, I found out that the company I sent my wedding dress to caught fire and lost everything in their building. I was going to be the fourth generation woman in my family to wear it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1296 You deserved it 55 40 4 126 6 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cfails - 2/4/2020 14:00 Our house, in the middle of our lockdown! Today, I found out the house I want to buy is being re-listed, because I can't have an open house to get people to see and buy my current house, because no one can go out in the this fucking quarantine. FML I agree, your life sucks 827 You deserved it 96 53 3 11 8 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Courtney Micallef - 2/4/2020 08:00 Early learner Today, I was teaching my one-year-old some new words. He pointed to the picture of the pig and said, "Mama". Guess I better start that diet. FML I agree, your life sucks 826 You deserved it 157 10 5 10 102 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 2/4/2020 05:00 - United States Drama abounds Today, my girlfriend of 3 years threatened to break up with me because when she came by my work, she saw me talking to another girl. The girl was a trainee. I'm the boss of the company, so it's my responsibility to train new people. FML I agree, your life sucks 1081 You deserved it 114 32 6 20 50 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 2/4/2020 02:00 How d'you think? Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML I agree, your life sucks 933 You deserved it 103 5 5 9 98 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 1/4/2020 23:00 Forever alone, episode 7864 Today, I lied at a store when the checkout person told me the cologne I was buying was for men. I told him it was for my boyfriend. I haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years, I just wanted it to smell like one. FML I agree, your life sucks 830 You deserved it 240 51 8 6 36 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alan - 1/4/2020 20:00 The Best of the Worst of FML #87 Here's a selection of some of the worst, unpublishable FMLs we've received over the years. Read them and weep! 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By James - 1/4/2020 17:00 Gordon says you SUCK Today, my sister was so bored during the lockdown that she let me attempt to cook an omelette without turning the stove on, just so she had something amusing to watch. FML I agree, your life sucks 472 You deserved it 813 12 4 6 107 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By letmefallasleep - 1/4/2020 14:00 Checks and balances Today, I found out my husband has racked up $3000 on our credit cards, and ruined my credit score. When confronted, all he had to say was, "Well you didn't tell me when you bought that ten-dollar t-shirt, so I guess we're even." FML I agree, your life sucks 1396 You deserved it 124 15 3 141 20 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 1/4/2020 08:00 - United Kingdom - Aldershot Welcome to the world! Today, I helped deliver the baby belonging to the woman my husband left me for. FML I agree, your life sucks 1631 You deserved it 88 46 8 122 11 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unwanted - 1/4/2020 05:00 - Canada Named and shamed Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to "unwanted" in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML I agree, your life sucks 1444 You deserved it 85 78 5 48 61 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xoxo - 1/4/2020 02:00 - United States Miscommunication Today, my boyfriend won't talk to me because I let a giggle slip during sex and he's convinced I was laughing at him. FML I agree, your life sucks 1104 You deserved it 221 17 6 7 110 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By secretagentsam00 - 31/3/2020 23:00 Thug life Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML I agree, your life sucks 1101 You deserved it 350 17 3 35 91 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KingSnow03 - 31/3/2020 20:00 Stay away from us! Today, because I have a coughed a total of 2 times in a row, I'm now banned from seeing any of my family until I get tested for coronavirus. The earliest available appointment is May 3rd. Looks like quarantine is going to be a lot worse than I thought. FML I agree, your life sucks 1214 You deserved it 137 24 5 61 43 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By quarantine hell - 31/3/2020 17:00 Quid pro quo Today, I called my sister and asked if she could watch my baby while I went to the store for desperately needed groceries and supplies. She refused, despite the fact that she's randomly dropped off her three rambunctious boys more times than I could count so she could go clubbing. FML I agree, your life sucks 1352 You deserved it 128 40 4 68 12 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mortified - 31/3/2020 14:00 On the can Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1278 You deserved it 123 9 5 84 29 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By not getting any - 31/3/2020 08:00 Weeks? Today, I’m allergic to all forms of hormonal birth control, and due to the virus outbreak, I can’t get my implant replaced. We’re in quarantine, and my boyfriend and I just used our last condom. It’s going to be a long couple of weeks. FML I agree, your life sucks 1248 You deserved it 375 71 5 10 61 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 31/3/2020 05:00 Afterthought Today, my boyfriend admitted that he never thought we had a future together. He just wanted to move in together so he could get "cheaper rent for a while." FML I agree, your life sucks 1427 You deserved it 140 30 2 92 32 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MyChemicalRomantic - 31/3/2020 02:00 Not that handy Today, I found out that I can never go to my local cinema again. Not just because of the current lockdown, no. The guy I gave an embarrassing, drunken hand job at a party to works there. FML I agree, your life sucks 491 You deserved it 1404 12 4 14 109 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By umm... - 30/3/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra It's a witch! Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML I agree, your life sucks 1328 You deserved it 249 7 15 15 430 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/3/2020 20:00 Check your head Today, I had a real coffee again after being sick for two weeks. It didn't taste so good, though. Just like the one I had yesterday. Well, I thought, maybe my taste has changed? Maybe I just need to get used to it again? No, it was just that the milk had gone bad three days ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 873 You deserved it 702 15 5 24 79 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/3/2020 17:00 Run for the hills! Today, my girlfriend asked me the details for al-Qaeda's plan during 9/11 for an essay. I had no idea and she said she just expected me to know, since I'm "one of those people." I'm Iranian. FML I agree, your life sucks 1604 You deserved it 163 26 5 168 54 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/3/2020 14:00 The Shining Today, I was babysitting my 4-year-old twin brothers yet again. I began to get desperate when they took my phone and would start crying every time I tried to take it back. My mother found me thirty minutes later, huddled in a corner, crying. I'm 27 years old. FML I agree, your life sucks 768 You deserved it 1003 32 5 5 109 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/3/2020 08:00 There's insane and then there's this guy Today, my idiot boss, who says he used to be an EMT, thinks that all safety precautions in the company COVID-19 response memo and everything we’ve heard from the WHO and CDC is bull and removed the gloves from everyone’s truck. We’re a plumbing and drain company. FML I agree, your life sucks 1700 You deserved it 76 17 3 165 12 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By motorboatofdoom - 30/3/2020 05:00 Nice way to go, really Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML I agree, your life sucks 1455 You deserved it 180 16 6 27 178 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today I was laying in bed during a depressive episode. My fiancé decides to run and jump on top of me then fall off the bed, punching me in the eye trying... I agree, your life sucks 8 You deserved it 1 0 Comments
Today, my boyfriend and I had a huge fight and broke up. We live in a house together and we are on quarantine. We both can’t leave the house and it is... I agree, your life sucks 5 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
Today, the guy I've been dating and sleeping with told me he is also dating another woman, but that they only kiss. I was under the impression we were... I agree, your life sucks 317 You deserved it 34 3 Comments
Today, I came home to find my dad in my room, watching porn on my computer. When I asked him what he was doing, he closed the computer, stood up, stared... I agree, your life sucks 703 You deserved it 57 2 Comments
Funniest FMLs of the Day
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