By - 17/1/2020 18:00 Everything is clean Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML I agree, your life sucks 224 You deserved it 15 4 0 16 6 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 17/1/2020 05:00 Nice pic Today, for the first time in my life, I sent a member pic to a girl I had been talking to for a few days on Snapchat. (she had asked me for it). She saw the pic, and blocked me. FML I agree, your life sucks 567 You deserved it 315 10 2 7 48 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Whoisshe - 17/1/2020 01:00 Unknown number Today, I gave my phone number to a guy at the movie theatre. I was excited to receive a text a few minutes later, sure enough when I unlocked my phone I had received a message from an unknown number. It was his girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 830 You deserved it 167 7 2 17 48 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Yoir mom - 16/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Port Richey Very bad idea Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML I agree, your life sucks 793 You deserved it 222 8 2 35 20 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 16/1/2020 18:00 I am clumsy! Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML I agree, your life sucks 882 You deserved it 931 5 4 4 214 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By brown and sticky - 16/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Baltimore Food poisoning Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML I agree, your life sucks 1351 You deserved it 98 14 3 66 28 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 16/1/2020 05:00 Almost done Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time. Well, in the midst of going really wild, about to finish, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML. I agree, your life sucks 1066 You deserved it 241 6 5 6 108 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By startrekk - 16/1/2020 01:00 Greedy Today, at work, I was very hungry and I ate some of the staff burgers, although they seemed and smelled a bit off, I ignored it saying that nothing bad would happen. As I rushed back home to the toilet, I farted diarrhea everywhere. FML I agree, your life sucks 534 You deserved it 1384 10 5 21 76 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 15/1/2020 20:00 Secret shower Today, I tried to climb in the shower with my wife, except it was my mother-in-law, I just couldn't tell through the steam. Before I could leave, she tried to convince me to stay and that she'd keep it secret from her daughter if I did. At a loss for words right now. FML I agree, your life sucks 1765 You deserved it 341 9 6 121 110 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Oof - 15/1/2020 18:00 Keep calm please! Today, while things were getting hot and heavy with my boyfriend, we were making out and our nose rings got stuck together... it took us 20 minutes to get them unhooked. I was the calm one in the situation while my boyfriend nearly cried like a baby. I agree, your life sucks 1160 You deserved it 761 8 5 5 176 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By izzyizziz11 - 15/1/2020 14:00 What's wrong with me? Today, my best friend took me clubbing and this dude lifted up my skirt to see if I was a dude before he hit on me... FML I agree, your life sucks 1741 You deserved it 150 28 4 141 63 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By John Doe - 15/1/2020 05:00 After feeling Today, after I finished jerking off, I sneezed into the tissue with my semen. FML I agree, your life sucks 426 You deserved it 2130 7 6 9 219 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 15/1/2020 00:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport Sexy morning Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only in boxers. FML I agree, your life sucks 1874 You deserved it 181 22 5 112 54 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By teebs - 14/1/2020 20:00 - United States - San Leandro Long wait Today, on my way for a vacation, my car started misfiring, so I called a tow truck. 40 minutes later the tow truck arrived. He then said that he had just gotten another priority call, so he was leaving and someone would be back in another hour to get us. FML I agree, your life sucks 1890 You deserved it 113 63 4 39 6 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 14/1/2020 20:00 - Madagascar Delicious coffee Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML I agree, your life sucks 1958 You deserved it 245 17 11 51 240 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DeanVendetta - 14/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Moss Point Hide and seek Today, I decided to hide in a bush, so I can jump out and scare my boyfriend. Well after 10 minutes of waiting, he ran up to the bush and started peeing. All over me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1235 You deserved it 1059 7 1 13 204 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cam - 14/1/2020 05:00 - Sri Lanka - Colombo Long secret Today, I realized that my boyfriend is still scared of his ex. It's been 8 months and our relationship is still "secret." Why? Because he's scared that she will find out and tell his family about us. FML I agree, your life sucks 2002 You deserved it 313 88 3 22 31 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By irulan - 14/1/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London Single shot Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML I agree, your life sucks 1627 You deserved it 339 16 4 34 199 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dumbass724 - 13/1/2020 14:00 - Canada - Brampton First day at work Today, it was my first day of work, and I was wondering why everyone was staring and laughing at me. I looked down and I realized that the fly on my jeans was open. FML I agree, your life sucks 1522 You deserved it 345 25 19 18 70 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 13/1/2020 18:00 Science teacher Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML I agree, your life sucks 1750 You deserved it 150 17 2 20 239 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fml - 13/1/2020 07:00 - United States - Huntsville Really! Today, after receiving our marriage certificate, I told my wife about it. She responded with "fml". FML I agree, your life sucks 1382 You deserved it 172 23 3 14 110 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By love you too honey boo - 13/1/2020 05:00 Dirty room Today, I sent a scantily clad pic to my boyfriend, to which he responded "Nice, but please clean your room". FML I agree, your life sucks 722 You deserved it 1697 9 5 3 211 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TheSadCatLady - 13/1/2020 01:00 Ugly contest Today at work, we had a fun thing called "ugly contest" where we dress up as ugly as we can. I decided to not join this year. I walked up there to look at the contest when someone said to me "sorry, no Professionals" and I did not even wear a costume. He thought I wore a costume on. FML I agree, your life sucks 1508 You deserved it 307 23 6 19 112 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rose101 - 12/1/2020 20:00 One toilet Today I was expecting to take a nice bathroom break, but to my horror, the toilet was filled with shit. I asked around to find the perpetrator. I found out that it was my dad, who just laughed it off. There's only ONE TOILET. FML I agree, your life sucks 1508 You deserved it 177 15 3 69 28 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 12/1/2020 18:00 New revelation Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML I agree, your life sucks 1757 You deserved it 129 26 5 131 56 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ScarredTeen - 12/1/2020 14:00 What? Today, I went into my parents’ room to borrow a shirt, my dad gave me permission and everything. As soon as I walk in there I see a vibrator on the bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 1426 You deserved it 235 14 5 17 112 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 12/1/2020 05:00 Beautiful car Today, I sold my wife's old car because I bought her a newer and nicer one. On the way back home from the sale, the transmission went out in her new one. FML I agree, your life sucks 1707 You deserved it 211 61 3 53 12 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "ali927truthh" - 12/1/2020 03:00 Wrong size Today, when I finally got delivered the new kitchen table that I ordered online a week ago, I found out that it was actually a kitchen table for a dollhouse, as I forgot to check the size. FML I agree, your life sucks 600 You deserved it 2039 14 5 7 197 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 11/1/2020 20:00 Sent photos Today, while releasing space on my wife's cell phone, I found her nudes on the WhatsApp sent folder, none was sent to me... FML I agree, your life sucks 2167 You deserved it 162 134 4 72 21 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "g_i_raffe" - 11/1/2020 18:00 The end Today, my boyfriend and I had to go downstairs during sex as it was too hot to function upstairs. I threw the bottle of lube downstairs to him, it hit him in the dick. We couldn't continue. FML I agree, your life sucks 1491 You deserved it 821 22 4 7 264 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I shaved my penis at the request at my girlfriend. She said that it still looked small. FML I agree, your life sucks 26 You deserved it 7 0 Comments
So my mother and I had put the television up on the wall today and later tonight we were sitting down watching Netflix together till the television fell... I agree, your life sucks 5 You deserved it 3 0 Comments
Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing.... I agree, your life sucks 882 You deserved it 931 5 Comments
Today, while things were getting hot and heavy with my boyfriend, we were making out and our nose rings got stuck together... it took us 20 minutes to... I agree, your life sucks 1160 You deserved it 761 12 Comments
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