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Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML

By Third trimester - / Thursday 25 May 2017 20:00 / Canada - Toronto

Today, at work, I was tasked with cleaning up a small AC flood. I saw that water was still dripping from the overhead AC as it was frozen over, so I asked the resident for a bowl to catch the water after I'm done extracting the water from the carpet. She handed me a colander. FML

By Tarlachia - / Thursday 25 May 2017 23:20 /
World
Italy

Today, I was checking out a cute guy who finally approached me. He says to me, "Hi excuse me, I've been watching you for a little while, and I finally got the courage to ask you this question...who is your esthetician? I want to get my eyebrows done like yours." FML

By Alessan - / Wednesday 10 May 2017 15:59 / Italy

Today, I had to temporarily relocate to my brother's room after mine was being repainted. Not only do I have to sleep on the floor, but I also have to put up with my brother and dog both snoring loudly. What's worse is that they alternate in snoring. Goodbye sleep. FML

By driving me crazy - / Thursday 25 May 2017 06:02 /
FML - The follow-up

Today, a man came into the library where I work with a bag. He told me the bag was full of bugs he found in and around his toilet, and demanded that I help identify them. He then added, "They might be parasites. They're all over the bathroom, but I got the toilet ones here." FML

coffeecoffeecoffee Say more :
Hi! OP here! These comments are really making me laugh! Thank you! I told the man he couldn't have the bugs in the building, which resulted in him yelling at me saying I was "no help". He didn't want a real "bug professional" to look at them, because it would cost too much money. I ended up getting my manager, who (thankfully) made the man (and his "pets") leave the building. You could say I was...
By StillGagging - / Wednesday 24 May 2017 04:25 /

Today, I sent my mom a link to a news article via Facebook. Immediately after sending, however, I noticed I had forgotten to copy the news article's link, and what I had sent instead was the last thing I had copied and pasted: a porn link. FML

By mako - / Wednesday 24 May 2017 17:45 /

Today, a guy who lives in my condo complex threatened to take my husband and me to small claims court. Why? He was mad about the $300 fine to get his truck back after it was towed, because he was parked in our spot. FML

By notyourparkingspot - / Wednesday 24 May 2017 09:30 / Canada - Edmonton
World
France

Today, I went to the osteopath because I've been having knee pain. The verdict: I have arthritis. Last month, my hairdresser told me I was already starting to have white hairs too. I'm celebrating my 16th birthday in two months. FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 10 May 2017 15:53 / France

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the bank to get her new ATM card. As the bank teller gave her the card, he said that the PIN remained the same. Indignant, she cried out, "How do you possibly know my PIN code?" She's 27. FML

By deranged - / Wednesday 24 May 2017 13:16 / Ukraine - Pirogov

Today, I found out that the cute guy who sits in front of me in class and who keeps looking at me over his right shoulder is not interested in me as I had been led to believe. He has mild Tourrette's and his tick happens to be scratching his chin over his right shoulder. FML

By abjoro - / Wednesday 24 May 2017 04:40 /

Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML

By chew toy - / Wednesday 24 May 2017 00:57 / United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, my boss held a meeting to talk about how we can't overlook others and no one should pick favorites. I walked out unemployed when I pointed out that she completely ignored the person who made the biggest sale in company history and constantly gave her son raises for mediocre work. FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 24 May 2017 01:24 /
World
Italy

Today, I've got a bad stomach ache, so my mother asked me ifI was on my period. I told her that no, in fact I haven't had it in three months. Now she won't speak to me because she's convinced that I have a secret boyfriend and am pregnant. I'm a lesbian. FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 10 May 2017 15:49 / Italy
FML - The follow-up

Today, I had to rush to the airport to catch a flight to California for my sisters wedding. On the way out, my room mate gave me his neck pillow for comfort. Turns out, the pillow was filled with weed, and I was arrested while going through security. I missed my sister's wedding. FML

Eashy Say more :
Haha this actually got posted! Hey guys I'm the OP and just want to fill in some extra information. So I woke up 20 minutes later then I wanted to, so I just rushed to get ready and get my carry-on items together, as my luggage was packed. I had no idea my roommate used or had drugs in our shared apartment, so I graciacly accepted the pillow for my flight. After going through Security, I was stopped...
By "Eashy" - / Tuesday 23 May 2017 13:11 /

Today, at 3:00 a.m. I couldn't sleep because of back pain. Don't you love it when you resort to lathering up in menthol pain-relieving creams on your neck and shoulders, only to roll to your side and get the residue on your pillow in your eyes? It's okay, I guess I didn't want to sleep tonight anyway. FML

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 23 May 2017 11:12 /
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