All the FMLs

Phasing out

By Anonymous - 24/09/2022 18:30 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I just started working in my core job domain, and all the guys working with me are giving up on their their jobs, because there's no future for it. It sucks being a mechanical design engineer in a country full of IT companies who just want us to convert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 11

Noped out of there

By Anonymous - 24/09/2022 11:30 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and teen daughter are at the point where their monthly cycles have synced, so when I got home and heard them screaming at each other, I quietly closed the door so they couldn’t hear me, and like a coward I hid in my car until the screaming stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 33

Couch fights!

By Butters - 24/09/2022 16:00 - Australia - Lathlain

Today, it's my wedding day. I broke a toe on the couch while turning on the lights in the hotel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 23

Lost in translation

By Anonymous - 24/09/2022 07:30

Today, in an idle moment I tried to change the language on a Word document. Instead, I changed my default Office language, and now all my Office apps - plus all my work Excel files - are now in Ukrainian. It's really hard to fix when you can't read the instructions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 214

Look out!

By Danger. Hard Hat Area. - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Philadelphia

Today, while walking past a construction site on my way to class, a hard hat fell off a roof and hit me on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 511

You deserved it 522

That's kind of a big issue

By Anonymous - 24/09/2022 02:30

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years, who I love with every fiber in my body, just told me that he's not attracted to me. Not in any way, shape, or form. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 38

Grifting

By ted - 24/09/2022 00:00

Today, my boss bitched me out for accepting a fake £100 note. It was a genuine note, but he couldn't believed someone would actually use such a note at a KFC. When I protested, he took it further and deducted the “lost profits” from my pay. The man is an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 35

Diagnosis unconfirmed

By Anonymous - 23/09/2022 21:30

Today, I've been suffering from unbearable headache, fever, agonizing body pain for more than ten days. I took a COVID test, an antibiotic tablets course, even a dengue test. Finally after spending my entire bank balance on tests and MRI, it was diagnosed as a migraine - which went away with a single tablet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 125

It's good to talk

By kanenakid - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized the closest person I have to a friend is the debt collector who calls me every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 280

You deserved it 6 732

The betrayal of it all

By Ih8Snitches - 23/09/2022 10:30 - United States

Today, I found out that no matter how friendly a coworker is to you, never vent to them about how the job "is a total shitjoint but pays good” and that the manager “sounds like Cyndi Lauper on crack.” Apparently a listening ear is also a running mouth. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 778

Roasted

By JPark - 23/09/2022 08:00 - United States

Today, I deleted my account on social media and changed my name, all because I posted something hilariously inappropriate, and everybody laughed except one lady. My followers savagely jumped to my defense against this "one lady". I had to tell people to stop roasting my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 193

Love is blind

By Blinded - 23/09/2022 02:30 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I finally figured out who my girlfriend reminds me of when she wears her glasses: the character Newman from Seinfeld. I can't unsee it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 109

Football blues

By Anonymous - 23/09/2022 03:00 - United States - Fairmont

Today, I noticed a text from a few days ago, and it appears that even my therapist sends me memes about how bad the Dallas Cowboys are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 164

Thanks but no thanks

By nu_ravers_101 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went surfing. One of my instructors came up to me and told me that the other, good looking, instructor didn't have a girlfriend. Who then turned around and said, "I do if you are trying to set me up with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 764

You deserved it 4 112

Anyone can be a 7 if you try hard enough

By Anonymous - 23/09/2022 04:00

Today, I had a very nice, long, and pleasant dream about having a girlfriend for the first time since 2010, and then I woke up. I'm right about myself, I'm going to be single for the rest of my life, and there's no point in trying to change that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 150

Stay hydrated

By Time To Go - 23/09/2022 01:30

Today, my kid has severe diarrhoea. My husband said he was going out to get medicine. Two long, painful hours later, I find he's out eating and chilling with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 81

The state of sex ed…

By UnhappyGrandmama - 22/09/2022 23:00

Today, my 17 year-old daughter texted me, “Mom I’m pregnat” Yes, exactly how you see it spelled. She’s a senior in high school. Oh, and she doesn’t know who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 199

Tell us more about this trial business

By Anonymous - 22/09/2022 20:30

Today, while reading up on my ex-brother-in-law’s trial, I tripped over my own two feet, and heard my wrists, hands and fingers crack on a stone table. I can’t afford any more hospital bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 159

Mr Spiderman

By Confused Clipboard - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my math teacher explained his concern for how "clipboard" should be pronounced similar to "cupboard." I thought he was crazy. I then later found myself saying it the new way to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 577

You deserved it 1 648

Talk tonight

By Anonymous - 22/09/2022 15:30 - South Africa - Bryanston

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the second time. He's really nice, but he's terrible in bed. He busted a nut 3 times before I could orgasm once, and he can't finger to make up for it. His foreplay is trash. I'm starting to lose feelings for him because of the lack of sexual satisfaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 459

Life is very long when you're lonely

By Luna - 22/09/2022 13:00

Today, I noticed that I feel the loneliest when I'm with my family. I was raised in group homes for most of my childhood and I'm sure my mother doesn't want me, and she hasn't for years. My brothers used to disappear as kids and just do what they wanted, whereas I'd be home before curfew and I rarely acted out but still I'm unwanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 62

Kinda sus, dude

By Meg - 22/09/2022 10:30

Today, I asked my husband to borrow his phone, since mine had died. His response was, “Well, you have a charger, use it.” When I reminded him that we weren’t at home, he screamed at me in front of everyone at the store, “I’m not letting you go through my phone and that’s final!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 133

Slightly out of hand

By ThatGuyStank - 22/09/2022 02:00 - United States

Today, I had to email my professor, saying, "I can't go to the event assigned in place of class today, due to the mass shooter in the sewers." Gotta love living in the USA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 120

Inappropriate

By elcee1987 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. Now my niece won't stop making the same hand gesture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 461

You deserved it 2 361

Buggin' out

By Anonymous - 21/09/2022 22:00 - Australia

Today, I reached into my wardrobe to get ready for the day, when something hairy tickled my hand. Imagine my shock seeing a fully-grown wolf spider staring me down from a coat hanger. I grabbed the can of bug spray and let him have it. Half the can later, I now need to re-wash my entire closet. Damn arachnophobia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 320

Bad girls

By Anonymous - 22/09/2022 01:30 - Austria - Graz

Today, I was meeting up with my three best friends from high school. I spent the entire day and some money to plan a wild girls' night, only to find out their day ends in the afternoon. All three wear ankle bracelets and have a strict curfew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 179

Who is this mystery person?

By DarthPanda21 - 21/09/2022 23:30

Today, it seems that my punishment in life is having to live and sleep 5 feet away from the girl I've loved since the 6th grade (I'm 37 now), and rather than tell her this, I'd rather just preserve our friendship and suffer in silence. I'd even venture to say it's a reason for my failed marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 1 181

She's a keeper

By Anonymous - 21/09/2022 14:00 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, my wife of 8 years has been cheating on me for 5 of those years, making fun of me with her family that I don't have a social life outside of her and my 3 kids. I'm waiting to get my spinal fusion completed, so I'm a stay-at-home who that can't do much and have no other options, including no one to talk to about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 196

You deserved it 78

Splatter

By MonsterProblems - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Croatia

Today, I had a sneeze attack while my nose was bleeding. Now my living room looks like a crime scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 787

You deserved it 3 388

The inner light

By Anonymous - 21/09/2022 15:00 - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Today, I asked my husband if we could rekindle some of our old intimacy, get back in touch with each other’s inner selves, that sort of thing. He looked confused, then got a big smile and said, “You mean we can do anal again? Why didn’t you just say so?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 402

Nearly

Today, I saw video of someone whom I took for moral authority for many years justifying Putin's war with Ukraine.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 0

Today, I feel terrible. I forgot to take my meds last night and feel like I'll barf if I get up. I have a huge test in 3 days, so I'm anxious and now also disoriented and nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Today, my 17 year-old daughter texted me, “Mom I’m pregnat” Yes, exactly how you see it spelled. She’s a senior in high school. Oh, and she doesn’t know who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 199

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 459