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Today, I ordered a vacuum cleaner on Amazon for same-day delivery. When it arrived in the evening I learned the value of reading the description rather than just looking at pictures because it turned out to be a toy vacuum, for a suggested age of two. FML

By Nina - / Monday 24 July 2017 20:00 /

Today, I was the bridesmaid for my dad and my stepmum's wedding. As I was walking down the aisle, I tripped and fell over my high heels, hit my head on the armrest of a wooden chair on the way down, and passed out. I now have a concussion and a broken ankle. The wedding went on without me. FML

By rosie21030 - / Monday 24 July 2017 10:33 / New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I was petting my female hamster when I felt a big mass under her. I immediately thought it was a tumor so I poked it to see if it hurt her. It didn't. Turns out my female hamster is actually a male, and he has really big balls. I touched my hamster's balls. FML

By Roselyn Cazares - / Sunday 23 July 2017 19:55 /

  Today, I went on a Tinder date with a hot British guy. He spent 90% of the date talking about his ex, but I invited him back to my place anyway. He came after 20 minutes of foreplay then left without even offering to get me off. FML

By milksquad - / Sunday 23 July 2017 13:00 /

Today, I learned that, even after several interviews and congratulations for getting the job, you still might not get the job. I just received an email stating that my accepted offer is now rejected. I already treated my close friends to an expensive dinner to celebrate. FML

By LittleMissRejected - / Friday 21 July 2017 14:27 /

Today, I learned that there's a colony of bats living inside my walls. The devices to prevent them from reentering are angering those remaining inside, and now I can hear them scuttling and screeching in almost every wall and ceiling in my house. FML

By BatIntoHell - / Friday 21 July 2017 05:58 / United States - Minneapolis

Psssssych!

Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML

By Welcome to Florida - / Thursday 20 July 2017 13:01 /
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