By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 17:01 Like a virgin Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML I agree, your life sucks 49 You deserved it 41 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 14:02 Sewer monster Today, I realized my morbidly obese sibling's favorite bathroom to use is whichever one is closest to me during the day. Three floors of living space and the monster wants to drop a nuke where the odors are certain to waft to my nose three times a day. Every. Single. Day. FML I agree, your life sucks 207 You deserved it 29 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 08:08 Like what you see? Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my cousin, instead of the girl who shares the same name. She liked it. FML I agree, your life sucks 162 You deserved it 347 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 05:00 Happy Birthday! Today, I turned 37. My acne turned 24, my eating disorder 22, my chronic digestive issues 35 and my insomnia 16. My boobs, on the other hand, look like they just turned 60. FML I agree, your life sucks 517 You deserved it 61 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 02:02 Stay classy, bro Today, my brother got sick with a stomach bug. He didn’t even quit his game to throw up in the toilet and instead threw up straight on the carpet. It sat there for hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 610 You deserved it 41 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By for better or for farts - 6/8/2020 23:01 The bed is lava Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML I agree, your life sucks 846 You deserved it 65 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 20:00 Secret life Today, the phone rang, it was some woman who wanted to speak to my dad. “It’s probably his mistress,” I said jokingly. Turns out it was. FML I agree, your life sucks 843 You deserved it 76 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 17:00 Yikes Today, while arguing with my husband, I asked him what makes him so angry. He threw a spoon at the kitchen floor and yelled, “ I AM NOT ANGRY!!!!” FML I agree, your life sucks 786 You deserved it 98 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 14:02 Party in my underpants! Today, you could think I was hosting a festival. Main event: Aunt Flow & The Zits. Preceded by: Mopey & the Munchies. After Party with: The Bloats and The Farts. Whoever hasn’t left by then will have to see The Bloody Underpants. FML I agree, your life sucks 725 You deserved it 155 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By slumber party for two - 6/8/2020 08:02 Just BFF things Today, my best friend came to visit from out of state. We had lunch, painted our nails and fell asleep sipping wine and watching movies. It was a perfect girl’s day. My boyfriend is now irrationally angry, because according to him it’s not fair that I can have a girl sleep over and he can’t. FML I agree, your life sucks 1069 You deserved it 126 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 05:02 Bored Today, I'm considering working as an escort again, to get some human closeness, have interesting conversations and feel wanted and appreciated. I'm actually in a steady relationship; I guess it’s not a very good one. FML I agree, your life sucks 889 You deserved it 357 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 02:01 Today, on "Dr. Phil"… Today, my dad got upset when one of his employees showed a romantic interest in my mom. Both parents were totally fine, though, with that same employee announcing his engagement to my 15-year-old sister. FML I agree, your life sucks 1065 You deserved it 65 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/8/2020 23:02 Hormonal hell Today, someone drank a sip of my single serve pasteurized orange juice and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the whole jug of non-pasteurized juice, that I cant drink because im pregnant. I cried. FML I agree, your life sucks 969 You deserved it 152 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/8/2020 20:02 Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to Today, during a deep conversation with my girlfriend of 6 months, I asked her if the guy she had cheated on me once with a few months back had a bigger “tool” than me. She said yes. So I asked, "How much bigger are we talking about?" Her response was "Probably like twice the size." FML I agree, your life sucks 504 You deserved it 1470 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By that’s what you get - 5/8/2020 17:02 Food for thought Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML I agree, your life sucks 1195 You deserved it 98 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LoveUGuysToo - 5/8/2020 14:03 Where did everyone go? Today, I wrote a Facebook post venting about the horrible things I've been going through lately, hoping my friends would console me. I discovered that my English teacher from 30 years ago, the creepy dude who keeps asking me out, and some random chick I don't even know are my only "friends." FML I agree, your life sucks 803 You deserved it 498 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/8/2020 08:01 In all my days… Today, I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown, and poured my heart out to a doctor, who seemed to be well over 60. She looked at me, flabbergasted and said, "I never met anyone with that many problems!" Gee, thanks. FML I agree, your life sucks 1086 You deserved it 160 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Foxy17 - 5/8/2020 05:01 Noisy lover Today, the new heart medication I take makes it hard for me to get an erection. It also gives me gas. My wife is getting sick of me farting when we're finally able to screw. FML I agree, your life sucks 1121 You deserved it 88 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/8/2020 02:02 Empathy Man Today, I told my man I was feeling a lack of emotional closeness and dialogue in our relationship. I'd hoped for a comeback like, "So what do you need in order to change that?" Or even, "Aw, come here, let's cuddle!" Instead, I got a simple, "I don't." FML I agree, your life sucks 1053 You deserved it 228 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 4/8/2020 23:04 Love don't pay the rent Today, I begged my dad for money, for the first time ever, because even with two jobs I still can’t make rent. When asked why he sent way too little, he replied, "You always said you’d prefer to get love from me rather than money." FML I agree, your life sucks 968 You deserved it 257 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 4/8/2020 20:01 How's the diet going? Today, I bought 3 buckets of expensive low-calorie ice cream because it was on sale, only to discover it tastes rather awful. I thought I liked that stuff… Oh, I remember now, I did like it… After mixing it with lots of chocolate spread. FML I agree, your life sucks 485 You deserved it 859 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By no car - 4/8/2020 17:04 Car Wars Today, I came outside to leave for work. To my shock and horror my car was gone. My asshole neighbor, who has parked in my spot multiple times decided to let her noisy guests park in my parking spot, so I parked in hers. She had my car towed. FML I agree, your life sucks 1410 You deserved it 257 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 4/8/2020 14:01 Free money for me, but not for thee Today, my dad refuses to let me inherit all of his money, which might just put a roof over my head when I’m older. *His* money? Well, actually, he inherited it. FML I agree, your life sucks 868 You deserved it 633 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By violentdreamer - 4/8/2020 08:01 I have to do is dream Today, when sleeping next to my girlfriend, I had a nightmare that she was yelling incessantly at me, making my "dream self" more and more upset. Just as my dream-frustration peaked and I began waking up from the nightmare, I accidentally hit her in the arm and face. Now she won't talk to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1017 You deserved it 228 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By one cock too many - 4/8/2020 05:02 Who's been a naughty girl? Today, I found out I’m the guy whose wife made adult films in college. Although embarrassed, I thought I may be able to get past it. Except for the fact that we dated in college, and she insisted we wait until after we were married to have sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 1726 You deserved it 175 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By can’t nerd right - 4/8/2020 02:02 Insane parents Today, I was wondering why the new book series I'd ordered hadn’t arrived. I ordered new books because my mom constantly bitched at me about being on the internet too often. She took my laptop away to "teach me a lesson". Only I need my laptop to get the confirmation number to track my books. FML I agree, your life sucks 1022 You deserved it 144 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By liar liar plants for hire - 3/8/2020 23:01 Season finale Today, thanks to traveling restrictions being lifted, I was finally able to go visit the guy I've been chatting with online for the past year. When we met it was like a TV show, well more like three shows: Catfish, Hoarders and My 600lbs life. Turns out he had his neighbor video chat me all along. FML I agree, your life sucks 1599 You deserved it 197 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 3/8/2020 20:01 Childlike Today, I asked my fiance for some attention. He licked my cheek and attached himself to my leg. He's 34 years old. FML I agree, your life sucks 920 You deserved it 378 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Breath of fresh air - 3/8/2020 17:01 Wear your masks Today, after 3 months of no Coronavirus in my state, two stupid cunts have to failed to self-isolate and restarted the lockdown. FML I agree, your life sucks 1347 You deserved it 155 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 3/8/2020 14:02 Mr. Robot Today, our computer system has irretrievably broken down due to viruses. My boss is the one who refused to get new antivirus software, but he’s still blaming me because I’m the computer guy and should be able to protect us from stupidly complicated viruses, "like the hackers in the movies." FML I agree, your life sucks 1302 You deserved it 89 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I ask my mother why my second name is Margret. – Oh, I think that was one of your dad’s girls. – What girls? – That he had an affair with. FML I agree, your life sucks 6 You deserved it 3 0 Comments
Today, my biologist father had a slide show and speech prepared for my wedding. It started with “40 years ago, there was a tree here”. I thought, this... I agree, your life sucks 11 You deserved it 1 0 Comments
Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and... I agree, your life sucks 49 You deserved it 41 1 Comments
Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my cousin, instead of the girl who shares the same name. She liked it. FML I agree, your life sucks 162 You deserved it 347 4 Comments