Your everyday life stories

Today, I got hit on. By a high school kid. Who looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite. That was the only time anyone has ever hit on me. FML

By Anonymous - 19/5/2019 22:05

241

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked his friend to propose to me for him, because he was too nervous to do it himself. FML

By A bit cowardly? - 19/5/2019 20:00

439

By Alan - 19/5/2019 18:00

FML's Weekly Horoscope - 19th of May 2019

Find out what bullshit the stars, planets and the universe have in store for you this week.

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous so I, not thinking, made comments that included the words killing, dying and death. I'm a rubbish support system. FML

By Not Supportive - 19/5/2019 16:06

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Today, I walked into work on time, went into my office, sat down and turned on the computer. After working for about 4 hours, my wife called and told me to look at the clock on my computer. I put it off until after lunch, when I realized today is Sunday. FML

By Anonymous - 19/5/2019 14:15

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Today, my boyfriend told me I had to get rid of my cats, or he would leave. He punched a hole in my wall when I told him I chose the cats. FML

By NeverGonnaHappen - 19/5/2019 12:30

Dumbest Ultimatum Ever

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Today, I woke up late for work. I rushed everything, ate a quick meal and was thirsty as hell. I saw a 2-liter Coca Cola bottle, so I poured a huge glass filled with ice and ran out the door. While driving, I took a huge gulp of nice, cold thick cooking oil. FML

By Anonymous - 19/5/2019 06:11

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Today, I was home alone in the dark and I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't know who it was so I didn't answer. They kept ringing, so I got a bit scared and called the police. When the police showed up, they told me it was a Chinese delivery guy with the wrong address. FML

By ScaredDude - 19/5/2019 04:07

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Today, I was seeing my boyfriend for the first time in 3 weeks. I was so excited to see him that I gave him a big hug. He must have been excited to see me too, because he hugged me so tight that he squeezed a fart out of me. FML

By Anonymous - 19/5/2019 00:05

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Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend'. FML

By LoveSucks - 18/5/2019 21:54

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Today, I realized cigarettes are my cure for boredom. I bore myself out of $2000-plus a year. FML

By Anonymous - 18/5/2019 20:00

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Today, I had to help my best friend plan his upcoming date with the girl he doesn't know I'm secretly in love with. FML

By KeepOnTruckin' - 18/5/2019 17:50

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Today, I got a hamster against my wife's will. I can't wait until she wakes up and I have to tell her it's loose in the house. FML

By I love my furry babies - 18/5/2019 16:09

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Today, I found out my boyfriend was going to propose. He'd bought me a beautiful white gold ring that I never got to see. His estranged mom stole the ring. FML

By Anonymous - 18/5/2019 14:25

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Today, it's the first day in 3 weeks that I'm in my flat after 7 a.m. due to a very busy work schedule. I was looking forward to a Saturday lie-in. Also today, my flatmate's alarm clock went off loudly from 7:30 to 10:30. He's in another country and his door is locked. Bye bye lie-in. FML

By wookieewhosshe - 18/5/2019 12:30

1138

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because I added an old high school friend on Facebook. She claims this person is getting in the middle of our relationship. I haven't talked to him in years, and he lives across the country. FML

By Eric - 18/5/2019 06:10

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Today, and for the past four years, the only time my husband stops snoring while asleep is so that he can fart. FML

By Insomniac - 18/5/2019 04:17

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Today, I was complaining to my friend how I was doing all the work in my group, and that they were getting all the credit. Her response? "It's OK, you're doing a shitty job anyway." FML

By Anonymous - 18/5/2019 02:33

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Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML

By Thanks Fred - 18/5/2019 00:05

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Today, at college, the weird guy who stares at me every day came over, said, "I've made you a mixtape," then handed me an old, empty Queen's Greatest Hits CD case and scuttled off. FML

By Anonymous - 17/5/2019 22:02

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Today, my boyfriend and I had a fight about his parents. We're both 23-year-old university students who aren't allowed in his bedroom unless the door is completely open. Nothing he says to his parents will change this. FML

By Not Amish FFS - 17/5/2019 20:00

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By Alan - 17/5/2019 18:00

FML's 15 favorite fuck-ups of the week!

Whether it's people not understanding how the world works or just people fucking their shit up, this is the place to check out idiots...

Today, I learned that the landlord tenant act does not apply since I'm living in the same house as my landlord. She's making my life a living hell and breaking my things. I still have 3 months left in the contract. FML

By Anonymous - 17/5/2019 16:31

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Today, my friend hit a bird with her car. She asked me to get it off for her, so I reluctantly complied. It came off. In pieces. FML

By Anonymous - 17/5/2019 13:59

Time for a BBQ

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Today, I found out that someone left an open sharpie pen in the dryer. It left pen marks on everything inside of the dryer. Not just one or two pen marks, but nearly 1,000 on each article of clothing. FML

By Anonymous - 17/5/2019 12:18

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Today, I rushed home after my mom called saying our upstairs had flooded. Apparently, my little brother somehow broke the toilet while unsupervised and water overflowed everywhere. It even reached my closet, shoes, and books, and everything touching my floor in my room is now wet. FML

By Sonotsuave - 17/5/2019 01:00 - United States - Arlington

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Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss pulled me into his office and gave me a write-up for quitting, told me that he knows where I live and that I'd better be at work tomorrow or he's going to come and drag me into work. FML

By mrmarshall - 17/5/2019 05:44

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Today, my boyfriend's 16-year-old daughter got a job. I'm 29, with a Master's degree and I'm still unemployed. FML

By Anonymous - 17/5/2019 03:00

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Today, both a coworker of mine and my boss agreed that I fit the profile of a serial killer. I don't know what's worse, the fact that they think that low of me, or the fact that this isn't the first time someone's said I remind them of a serial killer. FML

By emeraldapostle - 17/5/2019 01:59

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