FML : Your everyday life stories

Weirdest FMLs of the Day Most Commented FMLs of the Day

Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML

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By Vomit - / Monday 17 December 2018 05:00 /

Today I realized my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me... FML

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By Helseac - / Monday 17 December 2018 03:00 /

Error: ‘Hi-tech’ robot revealed as dude in costume

The most lifelike robot you’ll ever see …

By FML - / Sunday 16 December 2018 23:00 /

Getting through life like:

Life is a race... With hurdles... while wearing flippers

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By Lewis - / Sunday 16 December 2018 18:30 / France - Paris

Today I got told by the girl I've been seeing for a couple of months that she wants to take a step back and just be friends... I was going to tell her I wanted more and was falling in love with her. She's also my co-worker! FML

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By Justabloke - / Sunday 16 December 2018 17:30 /

Today, I had the misfortune of getting my period during another exam. And yes, the male professor also noticed this time. FML

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By "1DisGR8" - / Sunday 16 December 2018 09:30 / Canada - Toronto

Today I had to tell my girlfriend that we can't keep taking care of her drug addicted dad because it is ruining out lives. We have a 90 day notice to move and I said I won't move to a new place if she is going to have him live there. Guess who is looking for a new roommate. FML

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By Helpless - / Sunday 16 December 2018 14:00 /

Today, I arrived to apply for my much-needed dream job. Without warning, just as the elevator opened, a complete stranger kicked me square in the nads. FML

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By Greg - / Sunday 16 December 2018 13:30 /

My long-distance partner came to visit me for the weekend. When he arrived he seemed moody and tired, and refused any kind of physical contact. Upset, I asked him what was wrong. Turns out he's mad for coming to see me because I've put on weight, making the trip a waste of his time. FML

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By - / Sunday 16 December 2018 12:30 /

Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl - / Saturday 15 December 2018 23:00 / United States - University Center

Today I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML

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By Anonymous - / Sunday 16 December 2018 03:00 /

"I'll never drink again!"

Never say never!

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By Lewis - / Sunday 16 December 2018 00:30 / France - Paris

Today, I was moving my sofa to make space for a Christmas tree and the sofa slipped on the wooden floor, thus flipping my right big toenail up 90° so it is now only connected at the cuticle. FML

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By "LondonTor" - / Saturday 15 December 2018 22:00 /

When you don't want to visit your family

But moooooooom! I wanted to play Fortnite!

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By Lewis - / Saturday 15 December 2018 18:00 / France - Paris

Today. I had my first final exam. That would be fine if I hadn’t gotten sick 4 days ago. No one can go get my antibiotics, I feel like I’m dying and I can’t miss these exams under any circumstance. FML

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By Takegami - / Saturday 15 December 2018 17:30 /

Today, in front of my friends, my mom came after me with a pair of tweezers exclaiming "there's just a couple of hairs on your chin that need to be plucked." I'm a 14 year old girl. FML

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By "linzi1771" - / Saturday 15 December 2018 05:00 / Canada - Vancouver

Today, I had to follow a pony that had flatulent, severe diarrhoea for an hour in order to collect enough liquid for a sample. FML

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By drew the short straw - / Saturday 15 December 2018 13:30 /

Today, my son was looking through old photos and showed me a picture of myself and asked who it was. When I told him it was me, he responded by saying "But mommy, the lady in the picture is not fat!" FML

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By WellThen - / Saturday 15 December 2018 06:30 / United States

Today... I bought a new car. Twenty-five minutes into driving it home, I hit a deer. FML

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By Karaline45 - / Saturday 15 December 2018 05:00 /

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the 69 position with me on top and as we changed positions, and I turned to face him, I saw toilet paper on his face that he didn't seem to notice and that I casually had to wipe off his face. FML

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By Rella - / Saturday 15 December 2018 03:00 /

Today I had to move down to the 3rd floor because after complaining about rats on my rooftop the landlord put down traps. Rats died. Flies came. The flies laid eggs. The eggs birthed maggots. The maggots rained down from my broken ceiling into my bed and all over my floor. I am not okay. FML

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By Warriorwizzle - / Saturday 15 December 2018 04:00 / Vietnam - Hanoi

When you miss your train

Apparently he misses it very much...

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By Lewis - / Friday 14 December 2018 18:00 /

Today, after having my car back for a few months after a $2,000 repair, I got in, only for it to not start. Don't worry. It's not the battery. It's the engine, which was fine yesterday. FML

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By "Kaluhaluha" - / Friday 14 December 2018 17:30 /

A golden shower for the people of New Jersey

The weather forecast was a little different than expected …

By FML - / Friday 14 December 2018 16:00 /

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only staying with me because I’m getting him a signed poster for Christmas. FML

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl - / Friday 14 December 2018 09:30 / United States - University Center

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

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By Anonymous - / Friday 14 December 2018 14:00 /

Today, my dog of 10 years died suddenly. My husband’s response? “At least you don’t have to buy dog food anymore". FML

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By miss_peppermint - / Friday 14 December 2018 13:30 /

Today, in a private discussion, my teenage son confessed to me he finally lost his virginity several weeks ago. Why did he confess? He came to me to ask why it all of a sudden hurts when he pees, and asked if it could have anything to do with it... FML...

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By clapping_for_you - / Friday 14 December 2018 12:30 /

Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML

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By Anonymous - / Friday 14 December 2018 03:00 /

How's life going?

When life gives you lemon, it's often juice, directly in the eyes...

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By Lewis - / Friday 14 December 2018 00:30 /

FML

Nearly

Today I saw some random iTunes charge on my bank account so I called who I thought was iTunes customer support to figure out the $5 charge then got scammed...

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Today was the first time my husband came since getting a vasectomy. Not a big deal except he did not tell me that it’s common for men to pass out the first...

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Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Australia

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Photos

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Spicy

Today I realized my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me... FML

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Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML

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