FML : Your everyday life stories

Funniest FMLs of the Day

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Today, guy I like tried to talk to me. I got so nervous that I had a panic attack and puked in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "socially awkward cupcake " - / Tuesday 26 September 2017 23:15 /

World

Netherlands

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I had been dating for a while, when I suddenly went into an anaphylactic shock. Instead of helping me and calling the emergency line as I was losing consciousness, the guy drunkenly slurred to me that I should "just calm down" and then went into a deep snoring sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 26 September 2017 21:45 / Netherlands - Amsterdam

Now I ain't saying she a gold digger...

Today, I was forced to sit silently through my 20-year-old daughter's wedding to a man who is 8 years older than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 26 September 2017 19:34 /

20 Tweets That Perfectly Capture The Struggles of Having a Husband Who’s Got the Man Flu

Autumn has officially arrived. The season of falling leaves, brisk breezes, pumpkin spice what-have-yous, and the first wave of the...

By Nina - / Tuesday 26 September 2017 18:30 / France - Paris

Today, I discovered that a company has been using a photo of me for one of those "she lost 50 pounds" online ads. I'm the "before" photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By CrawlingUnderARock - / Tuesday 26 September 2017 16:00 /

Today, my boss installed a comment box for anonymous suggestions on how to improve the workplace. So far, I've received 5 notes from my employees requesting that I be fired or replaced by a hotter woman as it's the best way to improve the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "catty_13" - / Tuesday 26 September 2017 13:00 /

Today, I arrived at work unusually happy after having shared a wonderful date and first kiss last night with the colleague I've been in love with for months. Today is also the day she received an offer for the job of her dreams across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Happy for her... - / Tuesday 26 September 2017 04:30 /

Subway Surfer on a Mission

You know he's got something important going on...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By FML Approved - / Tuesday 26 September 2017 03:00 /

This Guy Just Came Up With the Best New Reality Show Idea to Troll Flat-Earthers

You don’t even have to be smart to know the Earth is round. It’s a matter of fact. And yet somehow, there exists a hard-headed group...

By Nina - / Tuesday 26 September 2017 00:30 /

Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By nature - / Monday 25 September 2017 23:15 /

Con Artist Kitty

Today, I had just finished making myself an ice cream cone when my cat puked all over the floor. I set my cone on the counter while I cleaned up, and when I finished, my cat was licking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Tray - / Monday 25 September 2017 20:13 /

30 times people said stupid things on the internet… and got caught out!

If you hang around the internet for too long, especially in the comments sections of mainstream websites and social media, you're bound...

By Judge Rinder - / Monday 25 September 2017 18:30 /

I agree, that was well spotted

You deserved it

By FML Approved - / Monday 25 September 2017 14:34 /

FML's 15 favorite and/or weirdest blunders of the week!

Whether it's people not understanding how the world works or just people fucking their shit up, this is the place to check out idiots...

By Hawkeye Pierce - / Monday 25 September 2017 00:30 / France - Wattignies

J'accuse...!

Today, one of my friends blew a giant vape cloud and the principal saw and called us into his office. We blamed each other, so the principal checked both of our backpacks. Apparently, my friend snuck his pen into my bag somehow. I don't even vape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By hockeymango57 - / Sunday 24 September 2017 23:15 /

Today, whilst at work, I had a woman come in with a problem with the seat in her car not moving backwards or forwards. There was a dildo stuck in the chair rail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Char - / Sunday 24 September 2017 19:00 / United Kingdom - Gravesend

These 19 Writers Took Dedications in Their Books to Another Level, and They're Really Funny!

And the award of the best dedication goes to...

By parrotgirl - / Sunday 24 September 2017 18:30 /

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Jenn - / Sunday 24 September 2017 10:00 / United States - Fort Wayne

Beast Mode

Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Vee - / Sunday 24 September 2017 07:00 / United States

Today, I woke up to 7 texts about the data overage charges that were accrued last night while I slept. Apparently my phone used nearly 8 GB of data, with no apps open, while I was sound asleep, leaving me with a $63 fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Activesleeper - / Sunday 24 September 2017 11:59 / Australia - Flinders

Burnout Fail!

It's hard to go back once you've taken matters too far... What was your worst slip?

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You deserved it

By FML Approved - / Saturday 23 September 2017 21:00 / United States - New York

Today, I received an email from my insurance company about a claim that happened over a month ago when I hit someone from behind. I was very apologetic and stated it was my fault, and now they're trying to claim replacement vehicle costs. I was going under 10mph and their car only had a scratch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By annoyed - / Sunday 24 September 2017 01:30 /

15 FMLs About Being Single That Hit Way Too Close To Home For All The Singletons Out There

For National Single’s Day, we dug through our archive to find the FMLs that best capture the slings and arrows of being single. For...

By Nina - / Sunday 24 September 2017 00:30 /

Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By mushroomtop - / Saturday 23 September 2017 23:15 /

Today, I told my dad I had depression. He responded with, "Why do all gay people have depression?" I'm not gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "GumStickExtraGmail" - / Saturday 23 September 2017 12:00 / United States - Arvada

Today’s Your Last Day on Earth! Take This Quiz to Find Out if You’ll Survive!

Yo, this is not a drill. Some Christian numerologists legitimately believe today is the day of our reckoning. Chances are if you’re...

By Nina - / Saturday 23 September 2017 18:30 /

Today, I woke up to my living room covered in 8 cm of water. My $2k computer was on that floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "refines" - / Saturday 23 September 2017 16:00 /

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years and I broke up right before my sister's wedding, because he didn't want to be there when we found out he gave the both of us an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By sadNsingle - / Saturday 23 September 2017 06:00 /

A shitty jogger is begged by neighbors and police: Stop taking dumps in public places, you loon!

In Colorado Springs in the USA, a runner is leaving droppings while jogging, and people in the neighborhood are at their wits end....

By FML - / Saturday 23 September 2017 00:30 / France - Paris

Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Friday 22 September 2017 23:15 / Croatia - Zagreb

FML

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FML: Uncensored

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids....

FML: Uncensored

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It...

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Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing...

FML Uncensored

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until...

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Nearly

Today, while staying at my boyfriends house, i had to borrow some socks for work. Turns out one of them was his used cum-sock and it was fresh. FML

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You deserved it

Today, I'm only three months away from paying off my student loan.I found out I'm being laid off next week....FML

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You deserved it

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World

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Netherlands

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I had been dating for a while, when I suddenly went into an anaphylactic shock. Instead of helping me and calling...

Colombia

Today, I went dancing with my best friend and I went back with her to crash in her bed. I didn't expect her boyfriend to stay over too, much less in the...

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Photos

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Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years and I broke up right before my sister's wedding, because he didn't want to be there when we found out he gave the both of...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Colombia

Today, I went dancing with my best friend and I went back with her to crash in her bed. I didn't expect her boyfriend to stay over too, much less in the...

See all the Spicy FMLs