All the FMLs

How very dare you?

By Sara - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Manassas

Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 313

You deserved it 1 831

Heavy load

By Anonymous - 13/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Boise

Today, my cat knocked the TV remote behind our heavy couch. I reached for it, got stuck halfway underneath, and had to call my roommate for help. She found me face-down on the carpet wearing one sock and asked if this was “an emergency or drugs?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 25

Return to nature

By no fucking camping!!!! - 13/08/2026 12:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my dad announced that to "save money", instead of going to the beach we will be going camping. My brothers thought it was awesome. I can't stand the thought. Instead of a sexy golden tan, I now get bug bites, pit toilets, and bear attacks! Ugh! FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 124

Stealth mode failure

By Jan - 13/08/2026 09:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, someone knocked at my door. I saw it was my Mom, so I flattened myself against the door and tried to be as quiet as possible. I pulled my phone out and almost had silenced it before she called and heard the ringtone through the door. I had to invite her in and hear the usual "get married and have kids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 53

DAD! NO!

By Fresca11 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend. We'd just got our food when my dad walks in, comes up to our table and says, "I didn't say you could leave, you're too young to be dating him", then drags me out of the restaurant. We are both 15, and it was my first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 706

You deserved it 14 142

Peanut allergies

By Anonymous - 13/08/2026 03:00 - Zimbabwe - Harare

Today, I bought a pack of peanuts to share with my partner and his 16 ear-old daughter, whom I'd just been introduced to. I asked him if I could eat his peanuts as well, since he wasn't eating them and, because my greedy mouth was stuffed with my own peanuts, it came out as, "Can I eat your penis?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 229

Run Hide Fright

By IjustwanttoenjoyRome - 13/08/2026 00:00

Today, my husband and I are here on holiday in Rome, Italy. We both made chit-chat to an older couple who are staying at the same hotel as us. They've tried to spend everyday with us, even going to the same cafes and museums, where we are. We now try and avoid them; we end up hiding. We're here for another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 56

Bathroom police

By Anonymous - 12/08/2026 22:00 - The Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, it was 5th period and I went to the year 11 bathroom. I came out, and there was a crowd of people outside. Someone said, "Um, that's the boys bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 151

Send em

By Anonymous - 12/08/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, like millions of others before me, I decided to start a YouTube channel. I was thorough, bought all the camera gear, decided on my content, came up with a gimmick, the works. The very first comment I got on my very first video was a request for nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 119

Congrats!

By Uhh - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at my sister's wedding reception. My boyfriend of three years decided to give a toast to the happy couple. He was drunk and confessed his undying love to my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 467

You deserved it 3 851

Any good news? Any at all?

By Anonymous - 12/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Warren

Today, while getting a followup to my MRI, my doctor joked that he "had bad news, and more bad news." Apparently my bulging discs were pressing on my spinal column, which was causing my back pain. The other bad news was my hip pain, it's caused by torn cartilage in there. I need to see two different specialists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 48

Close shave

By Anonymous - 12/08/2026 12:00 - Canada - Kent Bridge

Today, as I was taking a walk, I heard a cyclist and so I wanted to move to the other side of the sidewalk for them. It turns out that I walked directly in front of them instead. Nearly scared them to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 112

Stuck

By Anonymous - 12/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, my parents canceled our trip to Greece because my siblings were being brats. When I tried to point out that I wasn't doing anything, they just shrugged and said, "Sorry honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 51

Kids…

By Courtney - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my job as a teacher, I saw a student cut another student's hair, I stopped a group of students from eating glue, and I had to tell a student to put away the toy cars he was playing with. I teach high school math. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 615

You deserved it 1 321

Bad news likes company

By Anonymous - 12/08/2026 03:00 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I got a call from my doctor telling my I tested positive for an STI (first time in my fucking life). Mind you, I got the call while my dermatologist was cutting open my butt cheek to drain an abscess. I also got told on top of the new hole in my ass and the STI that I also have a yeast infection. Happy Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 130

Iron Man

By Anonymous - 12/08/2026 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend owns a voice-activated Iron Man helmet that no one is allowed to touch. Well, I put it on while he was walking the dog, and the battery lasted just long enough to close it around my head, then died, trapping my head inside, which is how he found me 15 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 463

Bad sitter

By Angelina - 11/08/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I came home from vacation to pick up my dog from the sitter, only to find out he had passed away while in her care. I asked for answers and she simply said, “I dunno, he just woke up dead.” I demanded more answers and she said, “Girl, what else do you want me to tell you? The fuck I look like Osmosis Jones?!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 63

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 113

You deserved it 318

Run run run

By Anonymous - 11/08/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, during my daily jog, a gate in my local park, which has been stuck open by weeds and overgrown grass for at least 6 years, was apparently weeded and properly closed yesterday. I hit that thing at full speed, flipped over it, and landed on my head with total strangers laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 311

Memorable challenge

By LieutenantDimwit - 11/08/2026 12:00 - Egypt - Giza

Today, I challenged myself and went skydiving! However, I made the mistake of doing so on an empty stomach. I made it through the freefall, and through most of the canopy bit, until low-blood-sugar induced dizziness made me blackout on final approach. I still remember most of it, but now I feel emasculated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 286

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 11/08/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our boss announced several new training courses. For some reason, the guy next to me whispered in my ear that the only course he’s interested in is intercourse, with the boss’s daughter. The boss heard him but for some reason is convinced I said it. Suspended without pay, and possibly sacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 57

Mystery solved

By thatstinks - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Iceland

Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been in my dorm room for a while is. My roommate's sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 745

You deserved it 3 010

Simple plan

By Anonymous - 11/08/2026 03:00 - United States - San Bernardino

Today, I got a message from an old friend’s wife. She said they were having a reunion at their place and invited me to come. She spent the whole night trying to get me to hook up with him! She wanted out of the marriage and thought that if she could get him to cheat, she’d get a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 61

Cross examination

By don't know what to feel - 11/08/2026 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, my husband told me the hottest thing I'd ever done was when he pranked me, saying he was in legal trouble, and I told him what to do to stay out of jail. As he put it, I'm "a sexy Saul Goodman." FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 99

Paper thin

By Anonymous - 10/08/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home with stomach pain and immediately did a 10 second long farting, splattering, spluttering shit into the toilet. Now I know the walls are thin in my flat, but I wasn’t expecting the hot guy next door to say to me through the wall, “Jesus, are you alright in there?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 88

A cry for help

By Anonymous - 10/08/2026 20:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, is it normal to miss someone who’s hurt you so bad? How do you move on with life after wasting 3 years? How can you move on when everything around you reminds you of that person? When do you know enough is enough? FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 122

Sucks to suck

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was on the bus, when an elderly woman stepped in. She looked too weak to stand. She looked at me with sad puppy eyes, expecting me to give up my seat for her. I felt sorry and got up. As soon as she sat down, she said, "Ha! Sucker!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 530

You deserved it 7 524

Stans

By Not really a fan - 10/08/2026 15:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, at the mall, my 89 year-old Grandma went, "Look dear! Aren't they the singing and dancing Chinese girls you like so much?" and "They ARE girls, right?" I had to pull her away fast from the group of die-hard fangirls who were looking at her with murderous intent. She was looking at a BTS standee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 80

Not so glam now

By Fuck off - 10/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I shelled out the big bucks to stay at a luxurious glamping site in the mountains for some much-needed R&R. It was great… or would have been, were it not for the party animals in the other unit. Despite being fifty yards away, I could make out every word of the shit rap they blasted for 12 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 72

Let's go!

By Anonymous - 10/08/2026 09:00 - Belgium

Today, I sneezed so hard, my smartwatch congratulated me for starting a workout. It ended up being the most exercise I got all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 130

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Drunk Embarrassing Awkward Neighbours Cars Spooky Transportation Work Annoying Noise Animals Insects Delivery Roommate Cats Clothes Job interview Childfree Parents Homeowners Home improvement Camping Holidays Vacation Stalker Grandparents Kids Relatable Health

The Top

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 140

You deserved it 1 878

Today, I got an expensive return bus ticket to visit my family 200 miles away. I accidentally tore the ticket when taking it from the machine, but the driver said not to worry, as it would still be accepted on the way back. Guess who's still 200 miles from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 765

You deserved it 2 529

Today, a very large lady was sitting down and panting as she watched me stock the bottom shelves at my store. Apparently, being able to squat down and stand back up repeatedly means I'm mocking her, and she threatened to report me to corporate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 342

You deserved it 295

Today, I stayed the night at a friend's house for the first time. I went to get water from the kitchen when I saw a cat staring at me. I looked back and it ran off. I told my friend about it. He doesn’t have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 615

You deserved it 238

Today, I posted a meme which said "I don't know where some people learned their inside voices, but it must have been in a helicopter with running chainsaws." My mom laughed at it. I didn't have the strength nor the bravery to tell her that it was meant for her. Then my dad laughed at it. It was also meant for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 256

Today, my boyfriend let me in on a little family secret. His brothers often swap girlfriends and wives. They insist it’s not weird because the siblings themselves aren’t doing anything together, just the in-laws. It’s still too close for comfort and too weird to ignore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 62