All the FMLs

Let him cook

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Woburn

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 057

You deserved it 5 203

Royalty

By princess - 21/04/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was climbing into bed, I asked him for a sandwich. He sighed irritably, so I reminded him that I'm a princess. He said, "I don't like monarchists" and went to sleep on the sofa. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 298

Reputation

By Joe - 21/04/2025 16:00 - United States - East Carbon City

Today, it's my wife's birthday. I'm known for being forgetful and she already thinks I don't care. I had some little things planned for today, but her sister messaged me telling me to remember her birthday before I even said happy birthday. Now my wife is crying and upset because once again, I "only act on prompt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 51

Template

By Chad - 21/04/2025 14:00 - United States - York Village

Today, I made a digital contact card for my department that needed to be sent to payroll. Since we didn't have one before, I sent a copy to the rest of the department to use if they wanted. I didn't send the blank though. I sent 100s of people all of my contact info. Somehow, I managed to misspell my own name too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 227

Great gift

By Meh - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, two days before my birthday, my parents drove three hours to visit me at school and take me out to lunch. I assumed that it was to celebrate my birthday. They told me they are getting divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 218

You deserved it 2 856

Rise and shine (again)

By Tired - 21/04/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, my anxiety-ridden body decided that a good time to have a random panic attack for no reason at all would be when I was trying to go to sleep. Guess I'll stay awake, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 48

Good girl

By Anonymous - 21/04/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog is terrified of her own puppies. I don’t know what happened, but when she’s near them, she shows a fear response pretty much constantly. For her to feed them, I need to be by her face distracting her while the puppies feed from her hidden under a towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 45

Bad kitty

By Anonymous - 21/04/2025 02:00 - United States - Taylor

Today, after coming home with a delicious chocolate cake that I bought for Easter for my family, I realized my mom's cat was chewing on the end of my cellphone charging cord that I left on the floor in a rush to head out the door. I'd only just bought the cord yesterday and the cat chewed on it so hard, the plug's bent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 201

Classy

By Radbaby - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I asked a guy to change into a gown for an X-ray exam. I asked him to leave his underwear on, everything else off. Apparently he was going commando, as he left skid marks on my table when the exam was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 396

You deserved it 206

Living alone, but not really

By Anonymous - 20/04/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I finally have my own space and was hopeful that I would get to improve myself in different ways, personally… except that the thin walls contradicts my personal goal during this moment of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 105

Go vegan for the economy

By Anonymous - 21/04/2025 00:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, I argued with my roommate about which eggs to buy: organic, pasture-raised, free-range, or AI-verified climate-positive. We settled on whatever was cheapest. They were $9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 263

Names and faces

By Steve Froemming - 20/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I hate when I go out and I forget peoples' names; even though they know me and I know them, I forgot their name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 66

Family outing

By Anonymous - 20/04/2025 11:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I’m being threatened with police action after my twins “beat up” a big kid for grabbing my daughter’s butt. They hit him with rocks and kicked him repeatedly. My twins are 7, my daughter is 10, and the other kid is 12. Maybe little perv in training should keep his hands to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 67

Whoops

By mmv - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my car into the shop to get a minor problem fixed. I left several hours later, without my car. Why? The mechanic crashed it while out on a test drive to make sure he'd fixed the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 420

You deserved it 2 194

In your dreams

By Ambitious - 20/04/2025 18:30 - India

Today, marks two years since me and my boyfriend refused to apply for jobs because we wanted to “pursue our dreams.” We are currently unemployed and frustrated, while our friends make six figures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 821

Happy Easter!

By Anonymous - 20/04/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my kids are at the age where they no longer want to go to church, and if I take them anyway, they misbehave on purpose to embarrass me. I don’t even want to go, my wife is the religious one, but if I refuse to go she’ll see to it I get hell on earth daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 255

The penny drops…

By Catchy slogans trump intelligent answers i guess - 20/04/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I had a debate at school. I had diligently studied my position, digging up historical parallels, researching the economics, and preparing citations. I lost to a guy who just yelled, "Tax the billionaires" to every question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 102

Nice

By sadgirl - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Conway

Today, my grandpa pointed me out to one of his friends, saying, "Yeah, she's the ugly one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 613

You deserved it 4 424

The body keeps the score

By Anonymous - 19/04/2025 18:00 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, the girl I used to be in love with texted me again after 5 months. She wanted to say that she remembers my birthday, which is next month. I hate that my heart still speeds up at the mention of her name, and I know it won't ever stop. She was my first crush since I came out, and my first heartbreak. I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 118

Slick

By Anonymous - 19/04/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I had a meeting with my team, and at the end, we were all excited about a new project. I tried to be casual and give one of my coworkers a high-five, but he didn’t see me and started walking away. I awkwardly high-fived myself while hoping anyone else didn't see me either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 94

The strangeness of strangers

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Albert Park

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 129

You deserved it 3 999

Buzzed

By Who needs sleep - 19/04/2025 15:00 - Netherlands

Today, my wife helped herself to an energy drink at 7pm, because she "felt tired", and yelled at me when I told her not to. All night, all I heard was, "Babe, I can't sleep. I'm restless. Talk to me. Babe, you're sleeping and I feel lonely. Hey babe what are you thinking about? What's going through your head?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 57

Wrong time, same place

By Anonymous - 19/04/2025 15:30 - India

Today, I printed 500 event posters with the wrong venue because I copied from last year’s file. Client needs them by tomorrow. Now I’m pulling an all-nighter reprinting everything. Coffee is my only friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 567

Shut up and play the hits

By Stefan - 19/04/2025 09:00 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, I asked my 10 year-old guitar student why Good Friday is a holiday. He answered, "We remember Jesus Christ's crucifixion. Isn't it sad to kind of celebrate someone's death? Well, I don't care, I just enjoy the free holiday and I don't believe in magic anyway!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 468

Knackered

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I'm being admitted to the hospital for severe exhaustion. Why am I exhausted? For spending 12 hours at the hospital while my sister gave birth. The same hospital I'm being admitted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 132

You deserved it 6 106

The end of an era

By Anonymous - 19/04/2025 03:00 - Netherlands

Today, my grown-ass son is refusing to get out of bed because some anime shark girl he watches is quitting YouTube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 97

Cart Narcs

By xXglycerinXx - 18/04/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, my mom yelled at me for trying to return a shopping cart to the cart corral. She then forced me to leave it in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 63

Mommy's boy

By Maybe I should just not fly home... - 18/04/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I asked my fiancee to drive me to the airport for a business trip in a few days. She ranted angrily that she already had plans, so I asked my mom to take me instead. Now she's pissed and saying, "Why don't you just go marry your mommy, since she does everything for you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 89

Main character syndrome

By What girl gets wet for Nickelback? - 18/04/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I started playing the piano at a party. I've been playing for 15 years, so naturally I'm pretty good. I got halfway through a song before getting shown up by some douche who started playing Nickelback on the guitar. Fucking Nickelback. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 266

Ouch

By sadface - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 751

You deserved it 7 502

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Vacation Relatable TV shows Health Periods Kids Cute Love Abuse Gross Healthy Lifestyle Parenting Smells Cheating Flowers Sex My ex Money Awkward Instagram Social Media Hospital Pregnancy Animals Dogs Death Sadness Intimacy AITA Technology

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 145

You deserved it 9 379

Today, I spent several hours sitting in the ER hyperventilating from pain and passing out, due to a herniated disc in my back. I had to watch at least 5 people go ahead of me, whose only complaints was that their stomach hurt or they felt nauseous. One of these people had a bag of snacks with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 172

The Top

Today, I went to the game with my boss and some people he does business with on his tab. I got so drunk that I blacked out, threw up all over the table, and passed out in the bathroom. I woke up alone with my body reeking of vomit, and no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 539

You deserved it 76 902

Today, I was dumped at the surprise party I threw for my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 086

You deserved it 3 017

Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 259

You deserved it 7 060

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 736

You deserved it 2 855

Today, there's a campaign in my country advertising natural dog food. Apparently, nobody amongst the creators speaks English. How do I know? The hashtag they came up with is #SimplyBarf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 95

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow some tools. Trying to be friendly, I asked how he was doing. He then spent the next 45 minutes describing his recent breakup in excruciating detail. I just wanted him to take the tools and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 166