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Today, a customer yelled at me when his 9 cookies came to $5.78. He insisted that they were "3 for $1 yesterday," and told me to "shut the fuck up" when I tried to explain otherwise. I worked yesterday, and every other day for the past 3 months. They've never been 3 for $1. FML

By Anonymous - / Sunday 21 May 2017 19:24 / United States - Dallas
World
Brazil

Today, we enjoyed that we were alone at home and resolved to "spice up" the relationship. We decided to pass condensed milk, chantily and put strawberries in each other ... But my boyfriend is hairy, I was full of stuck hair. And his parents arrived and we had to put our clothes on top of the honey. VDM -Aninha (f), Brazil

By Aninha - / Wednesday 10 May 2017 15:20 / Brazil

Today, I had what I thought would be an important (and formal) interview. Not only did I turn up completely overdressed, the man who was interviewing me arrived 30 minutes late. To top it all off, I was so distracted by his mysterious total lack of eyebrows that I forgot everything I had to say. FML

By EmbarrassedMess - / Sunday 21 May 2017 22:57 / United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, while on the bus, the girl in front of me asked me if I could find the orange she'd dropped. I couldn't see it, but when I told her that there was no orange there, she gave me the strangest look. She'd said ring, not orange. FML

By Deaf and Dumb - / Sunday 21 May 2017 23:40 /

Today, just like when I interviewed for the job, I know nothing about graphic design and I'm not interested in sales. I've just found out that my "project management" job I was hired for now has the job title "Graphic Sales." They changed it after I started 3 days ago. FML

By PhoenixChick - / Sunday 21 May 2017 23:08 /
FML - The follow-up

Today, I applied for a job and got called in for an interview. I lied on my resume stating that I speak Japanese fluently. Turns out, my potential employer is half-Japanese and wants to conduct the interview entirely in Japanese. FML

jmk10 Say more :
Op here, wow I didn't know this would actually get published. Yeah I know I shouldn't have lied but I should probably mention that I do know some Japanese (more conversational than fluent, probably enough to be able to assist a customer). I figured it would be okay. Lesson learned. As you can probably figure out, I didn't get the job though.
By unemployedliar - / Friday 19 May 2017 19:24 / United States - Aurora

Today, I was leaving work after a storm. They're building some new offices outside, so I had to walk on an uneven path near the construction zone. I came to a big puddle and tried to jump across to what I thought was a piece of asphalt. It was mud. I slipped and fell backwards into the puddle. FML

By VelociTheRaptor - / Sunday 21 May 2017 04:49 /
World
Italy

Today, I had my first encounter with a guy I met online. When we parted, I was hoping for a kiss but instead he says to me, "I've met stupid in my life, but never like you." FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 10 May 2017 15:18 / Italy

Today, I was texting a girl I was interested in and we exchanged Instagram names. She ghosted me right after. She's the fourth girl to have done this to me in the past month. I guess I'm unattractive, but at least I'm good at texting. FML

By confiancedecrise - / Friday 19 May 2017 22:38 /

Today I worked construction building a hotel. I was taking out the trash when I suddenly felt an extreme urge to poop. I ran into one of the rooms and found an empty cardboard box to poop into. Finished, I closed the box and made my way to the door. I then saw my boss staring at me from the closet.

By Anonymous / Friday 19 May 2017 00:06 /

Today, I got up at 2:30 a.m. to catch an early flight home. I was tired and drowsy and took a quick shower to wake me up. Two minutes in, the water turned scalding hot on all settings. I ended up having to rinse my hair with bottles of sparkling water from the hotel minibar. FML

By Electric Eddy - / Thursday 18 May 2017 22:16 /

Basted High School

Today, my high school decided to practice graduation outside for 4 hours instead of inside, as well as serve lunch outside. Now everybody, including myself, is going to be sunburnt in their graduation pictures, because we were told practice was inside. FML

By RoastedbyNature - / Thursday 18 May 2017 22:11 /
World
Germany

Today, we were doing a group project in class. The girl I have a crush on came to ask me if I was alone and I said yes. She took the chair next to me and walked away. FML

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 10 May 2017 15:08 / Germany

Today, I checked for the third time this week if my package that 'arrived' five days ago had been found. Not only was it a different employee at the concierge desk, meaning I had to explain everything again, but they told me the same bullshit about how it's "not their fault". The package is my new phone. FML

By Still No Phone - / Thursday 18 May 2017 12:11 / United States - Philadelphia
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