FML : Your everyday life stories

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Today, it’s the 3rd month of my diet. Every dream I’ve had since I started has been entirely about junk food. Every. Single. One. FML

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By maisumepg / Sunday 17 February 2019 04:00 /

I found out that my abusive ex husband not only got just 3 months for almost killing me...they released him almost a week early and authorities never contacted me like they were supposed to; I ended up seeing him driving and I had a panic attack on the freeway...

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By "chelbelle90" / Sunday 17 February 2019 02:00 /

Today my stove exploded just a week after my refrigerator unexpectedly stopped working. Great way to start 2019 ! FML

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By Anonymous - / Sunday 17 February 2019 00:00 /

Today while driving me to the airport for a trip to Japan my mother started crying. When I asked her why she said "I just know that if the plane crashes I will never see you again because you are going to hell." .. Thank you, mom. I love you too. FML

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By heathenapparently - / Saturday 16 February 2019 20:00 /

Today I was walking home from school and my stupid brother who comes earlier then me locked the storm door with no lock. I ended up trying every other door for 3 hours in below freezing temperature. I was numb everywhere. I rang the bell and my brother opened it. He was home the whole time. FML

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By something - / Saturday 16 February 2019 18:00 /

Today I broke off my passenger mirror because there was a huge carpet sticking out of a trash can. I hit it barely going 10 miles an hour and now its going to cost 200+ to fix. fml

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By "carmasinclair" / Saturday 16 February 2019 08:00 / United States - Salt Lake City

Today my car slid off the road because of black ice. I work two jobs, go to college full-time, and already owe $1300 in various places. Now I have no transportation until I fix my car... which the mechanic said will be $800. Looks like I'm eating ramen for the next year or two. FML.

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By - / Saturday 16 February 2019 14:00 /

Today, I had an upset stomach and shit myself in the 1st 30 min at work. I cleaned my pants in the sink and had to walk around in front of everybody with soaked pants until I found my supervisor. FML

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By "Amanda G Rich" / Saturday 16 February 2019 12:00 /

Today I found out that my landlord is switching to a property management company, and it will take 2 weeks for my rent to get deposited to them when I send it, when I could just go across town and pay it in cash before. My rent is due in a week. FML

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By Fanci - / Friday 15 February 2019 21:00 / United States - Luxemburg

Today I started my new job. I slept in, then my SatNav broke. I finally got to the clients house and was knocking on the door for 15 minutes (at 7.30am).....I was knocking on the wrong door. FML

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By / Saturday 16 February 2019 02:00 /

Today, while trying to sleep after a night shift, workers came to hook up city sewage service, firing up drills and shouting. An hour later, my child woke me up to tattle on her sister. Just as I was drifting to sleep yet again, the smoke alarm battery started chirping. I give up. FML

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By Insomnia - / Saturday 16 February 2019 00:00 /

Today is my first day back at school. I overslept my an hour and a half, had my period unexpectedly leaving me with a massive bloodstain and I have a new brace causing a pronounced lisp....I'm the teacher. FML.

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By tiredteacher - / Friday 15 February 2019 19:00 / United Kingdom

Today, despite using the bathroom before I left my house, then at the bus station 10 minutes later, I still had to get off my bus halfway into my hour long journey to pee in a back alley or I would have wet myself. I'm 24 and this has happened twice in the last week. FML

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By "Jam2019" - / Friday 15 February 2019 14:00 /

Today I found out I have celiac disease. I also happen to be a baker and will be constantly reminded of all the wheat products I can no longer enjoy. FML

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By Bec99 - / Friday 15 February 2019 19:00 / Australia - Bassendean

Today I used my boyfriend computer to submit my resume for a job and when I went to select document I found all the sex tapes and nudes he had from other girls he slept with, including the one we made. FML

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By NaiveNelly - / Thursday 14 February 2019 17:00 / United States - San Antonio

Today, it was my first day at work, they had me a large tray with lots of food on it, after I told them I wasn’t comfortable with carrying it. I hit the door on the way out of the kitchen spilling everything on the tray breaking 2 soup bowls and 3 salad plates. FML

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By JustAmirage - / Thursday 14 February 2019 20:00 /

Today my best friend and my boyfriend both left me because I was pregnant. Apparently they're problems are bigger than mine. Now I'm pregnant and alone. FML

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By - / Thursday 14 February 2019 12:00 / United States - Marietta

Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML

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By Anonymous - / Thursday 14 February 2019 16:35 / United States

Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

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By oohrahgal - / Thursday 14 February 2019 16:32 / United States - Clementon

Today, my (ex) boyfriend and I were out for drinks. While he was complaining about his weight I (sucking my stomach in) let mine out and said, "don't worry my stomach looks like this" and his eyes went very wide as he laughed and said, "but you're just pushing it out aren't you?" FML

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By notsoclever - / Thursday 14 February 2019 16:00 /

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

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By steve-o - / Thursday 14 February 2019 15:46 / United States

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

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By Dockin - / Thursday 14 February 2019 15:37 / India

Today, my stomach growled so loud in class that a boy sitting next to me thought his phone had vibrated. FML

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By qourt - / Thursday 14 February 2019 15:34 / United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

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By lifeguardfuckup - / Thursday 14 February 2019 15:17 / United States

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

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By garrett - / Thursday 14 February 2019 15:11 / United States

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

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By Polmkk - / Thursday 14 February 2019 15:00 / United States

Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML

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By Anonymous - / Thursday 14 February 2019 14:52 / United States - Hartford

Today I was playing the trombone and I got a bloody lip. I didn't realise until I emptied my water key and the water was bloody. I now have blood all through my slides and I don't have the time to clean. I have a concert tomorrow. FML

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By Tromboner - / Thursday 14 February 2019 14:00 /

Today,I am known as "the black widow" in my town.Why? Mi first husband died when we were 22 in a car crash. I lost the second one,a policeman,in an armed robbery at the age of 29. Last year my third fiance perished due to leukemia.I am barely 35 years old and it seems I am cursed to remain alone.FML

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By NotScarletJohansen - / Thursday 14 February 2019 12:00 /

Today, my MIL, whom lives with me rent and utility free and also does no housework, says my husband and I owe her $162 a week for watching our kids while we work. I said no seeing as how we pay for everything she uses/does. Now she refuses to watch them. FML

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By MILpains - / Thursday 14 February 2019 04:00 /

FML

Nearly

Today I was on a date with a beautiful girl and had just finished a $300 dinner when my father called claiming my dog died, of course I left my date and...

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Today I was chatting with the morbidly obese cleaner. After asking her if she had any time off over the holidays, she answered that she hadn't, but she...

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Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Australia

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Spicy

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we...

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Today, my husband left his cellphone unlocked so I decided to go through it. I found 10 texts threads from 10 different women, one of them from my 18 year...

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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