FML : Your everyday life stories

Weirdest FMLs of the Day Most Commented FMLs of the Day

Today, I had to file a claim with USPS. The expensive eyeshadow palette that I ordered at the beginning of the month was supposedly delivered yesterday, even though both myself and my housemate were home with no visitors. I have no idea if it was delivered incorrectly or if a neighbor stole it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Kio - / Wednesday 23 January 2019 00:00 /

Today, my crush asked me out. So of course I started talking to all my friends and saying that he asked me out, and so I told him yes. Turns out when I went to go text him again he had started saying it was a prank and he got dared to. I had been crushing on him since second grade.....FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By - / Tuesday 22 January 2019 14:00 / United States - Clarkesville

Today my wife told me that the only reason we are together is because of my "D". Apparently we wouldn't have made it past the first year if I was smaller or bad in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By - / Tuesday 22 January 2019 18:00 /

Today, I realized that I'm not in love with my significant other, but rather with his best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Ruth - / Tuesday 22 January 2019 16:00 /

Today, I received my 12 month diet plan from an online coach, It said “Eat less calories lol” I just lost £175... FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Olz - / Tuesday 22 January 2019 14:00 /

Today, my (now ex) boyfriend of almost 4 years dumped me, for a girl he saw 3 times and with who he is "sure it's not gonna work but want to try anyway". Happy new year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous / Tuesday 22 January 2019 12:00 /

Today, I found out that my ride to and from work on Christmas Eve on graveyard shift has had pharyngitis for about a week, and has been contagious since a few days before Christmas Eve at least. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "emeraldapostle" / Tuesday 22 January 2019 04:00 /

Today, all 4 people in my house are vomiting and have diarrhea. Today is also the day my pump for my well died. We have no running water to flush the toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Sick - / Tuesday 22 January 2019 02:00 /

Today I learnt not to trust a fart on your way to work because it will result in you having to go home and change clothes and getting yelled at by your boss

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous / Tuesday 22 January 2019 03:30 / Australia - Balaklava

Today, I have come to realise that my parents actually favour my brother's fling over me, their own flesh and blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By AEW - / Monday 21 January 2019 16:00 /

Today, I decided to pot some Christmas cactus cuttings I made for my friends and moved a bag of potting soil to the bathroom. The moment I opened it and stuffed my hand in I was covered in fruit flies. I ended up sneezing out 3 flies later after I threw out the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By face full of flies / Monday 21 January 2019 12:00 /

Today, is the day after I got my knife as a gift on Christmas. Today, is also the day after I cut my hand close to the bone with said knife while cleaning it off. Only 6 stitches and I basically can't use my left hand. Not to bad of a Christmas if you ask me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By HHHE4 - / Monday 21 January 2019 04:00 /

Today, I got back from my Christmas honeymoon only to find my cat died while we were gone.. fml..

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Emi N. Jax / Monday 21 January 2019 02:00 /

So me and my crush were sitting in the backseat of his car and he wanted to lay his head on my lap. As soon as it happened my stomach gave the loudest rumble that literally vibrated against his face and I farted a little.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By slimshady / Monday 21 January 2019 00:00 /

Today my hippy parents refused to buy me deodorant because it has “toxins”, I am 14 and smell horrible and kids were making fun of me Too about it Today. I do not have any friends. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Athena - / Sunday 20 January 2019 11:00 / United States - Portland

Today, my keys disappeared out of my car door during the 50 foot walk to the trash can. When I finally went to security after trying to find them, they said someone drove off with my car right as I walked in the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Marcus - / Sunday 20 January 2019 18:00 /

Today, I went into a gynecology appointment to find out my IUD had apparently fallen out without me knowing. What tipped me off? My pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anna - / Sunday 20 January 2019 16:00 /

My best friend and I, who I’ve loved for years now finally hooked up. I think she gave me the clap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By stranger / Sunday 20 January 2019 14:00 /

Today I feel like I’m in two and a half men. I just watched my brother console a crying girl through using a pregnancy test over the phone, fist punch the air after it was negative, hang up the phone without saying goodbye then went back to bed where his current girlfriend was still asleep FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Sunday 20 January 2019 12:00 /

Today I got home from work and kissed my wife on the cheek like I have done almost everyday for the last 14 years, only this time she screamed and hit me in the face with a pan of hot water and carrots. Apparently this time I scared her and she thought I was a burglar rapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Sunday 20 January 2019 04:00 /

Today, I yelled "fuck me, oh shit!" on instinct upon accidentally spilling boiling hot coffe all over myself. My 3 year old niece found this hilarious and won't stop saying "fuck my shit". Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By ... - / Sunday 20 January 2019 02:00 /

When a coworker tries to help

Hold my beer!

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Lewis - / Sunday 20 January 2019 00:30 /

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By ... - / Sunday 20 January 2019 00:00 /

Today I was working Christmas Day by myself, I was supposed to have 2 coworkers with me but they were in storage having sex multiple times for nearly 3 hours, yes 3, and I know this because I got so mad I was checking security cameras to try find them, and there they were on camera. 3 HOURS FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 19 January 2019 20:00 /

How I feel at the kid's table

But mooooom! I'm a grown man!

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Lewis - / Saturday 19 January 2019 19:00 / France - Paris

Today I was being kinky for my boyfriend by going commando at his Xmas party. Trust me to get my period 10 days early in a WHITE skirt, then as I rushed to the toilet I fell and the seam split right up my ass, so his family including 3 nephews got an uncensored look at the whole mess FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Saturday 19 January 2019 18:00 /

Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By TCRII - / Saturday 19 January 2019 16:00 /

Today, I stopped and helped a young lady stuck on the side of the road. Guess who got accused of forcing myself and got charged with impersonating a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By CJ 84 - / Saturday 19 January 2019 14:00 /

Today, I almost got arrested. The cops put me in handcuffs without searching me first and told me that I "matched" the description of a package thief. Turns out, I didn't even fit close to the description of the suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By "Boyufd" / Saturday 19 January 2019 12:00 /

Today I discovered my wife has had another afair. It gets thrown in my face and somehow its all my fault. My friends all tell me to get the hell out and I dont because I still love her. This is completely fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By OnePersonMarriage - / Saturday 19 January 2019 04:00 /

FML

Nearly

Today, I had been feeling very ill, so I asked my partner to clean the house whilst I got some rest. Instead of touching any of the cleaning, he gamed...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, my dad told me that my trip to London (to visit him) has been cancelled due to 'work issues'. My departure was scheduled the day after tomorrow...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Nearly FMLs

World

Loading data…

Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Australia

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

See all the World FMLs

Photos

See all FML photos

Spicy

Today, my husband left his cellphone unlocked so I decided to go through it. I found 10 texts threads from 10 different women, one of them from my 18 year...

I agree, your life sucks

Phew, glad it wasn't me

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Spicy FMLs