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FML - The follow-up

Today, I was sitting on the couch when my cat decided that the top of my head was the perfect height to use as a springboard to get up to the cat climbing tree. She had her claws out for traction. FML

AkaiKitsune Say more :
They're not really my cats, I inherited them from my mother who spoiled them rotten. I'm more of a dog person. Well, I've got three big dogs so that's kinda obvious
By AkaiKitsune - / Monday 19 June 2017 03:20 /
World
Venezuela

Today, I was alone in the house at night when I almost died of fright after seeing a woman staring at me through the window. I screamed before realizing that she was just my reflection. FML

By Anonymous - / Monday 29 May 2017 17:44 / Venezuela - Barquisimeto

Today, at 8:30 in the morning, workers in the lot across the street began doing some very loud hydraulic installations and testing for the new lab that's being built on the property. It's now 11:20 at night, and they're still working on it. I'm seriously considering just burning my house down. FML

By callingouttoanyrealtorsandpyrosinthearea - / Wednesday 21 June 2017 05:17 /

That's what they all say before ending up in AA

Today, I was getting ready for bed, brushing my teeth. When I spat out my toothpaste, I also vomited a bit of the tacos I'd had for dinner, so I brushed my teeth again. I'm completely sober. FML

By Anonymous - / Tuesday 20 June 2017 05:15 /

Today, I received my order from Ocado. I'd placed an order including 12 bottles of water. Before I got my order, Ocado sent me an email saying that they replaced some of my items, which is why I’m looking at 48 250ml bottles of water now. FML

By Enolay - / Sunday 18 June 2017 14:56 / United Kingdom - London

Today, it's my roommate's birthday. His friends were planning on a surprise birthday cake at midnight last night, and one of them told me about it, hoping to split the expense between us, which I was totally cool with. But I fell asleep before midnight and they didn't even bother to wake me up. FML

By Anonymous - / Sunday 18 June 2017 19:06 / India - Vijayawada
World
Argentina

Today, I chose a new song to be the ringtone for my new cell phone. After waiting all day for someone to call me, I had to ask my husband, who was sitting right next to me, to call me or send me a message so I could hear how it sounded. FML

By Anonymous - / Monday 29 May 2017 17:41 / Argentina

Today, after having diarrhoea all week, my girlfriend dragged me to London. Expecting to not be able to find a toilet, I decided to fast for the day. We spent 3 hours wandering the food stalls of Camden market with her friends. So many free samples I had to refuse… FML

By superdrinkingbud - / Saturday 17 June 2017 23:17 / United Kingdom - Bournemouth
FML - The follow-up

Today, I found out that the small town I moved to to escape the crowds is actually a popular tourist spot in the summer. The majority are unbathed. I work in retail at the only convenience store, and the temperature has hit triple digits. FML

C8H18 Say more :
OP, here. Being a small town of 200 hundred people there's really not much information when I did searches. Even the realistate agent didn't mention it. I've found that the tourists only know if it because they live in the sourrounding cities a few hours away and simply searched for lakes in the area. Unfortunately this "lake" they're vacationing to isn't really a lake. It's a man made reservoir for...
By Save Me - / Friday 16 June 2017 06:15 /
FML - The follow-up

Today, my mother won two tickets in the Hamilton ticket lottery. My siblings joked that we would finally find out who the favorite child is. Who ended up going to the show? My two sisters. FML

Druu Say more :
OP here! I finally got an FML published -- wooo! [Gimme them badges! I should have two gold ones coming my way!] I'm the eldest child, and I already made plans to go fishing that night, so I wasn't really in contention anyway. (Though I would gladly have abandoned those plans if it didn't mean bailing on someone else.) As for which Hamilton, the REAL one on Broadway. :-P I did consider offering a bribe...
By Druu - / Monday 5 June 2017 05:42 /
FML - The follow-up

Trapped 2: The Bathroom strikes back!

Today, I woke up hungover, locked in my bathroom. This wouldn't be a problem, except in my drunken stupor, I snapped the key. I live alone and there's no windows. FML

UberAwesone Say more :
OP here, I live in Indonesia, and most bathrooms here have seperate keys instead of a toggle. Thankfully, my brother has a spare house key, I was able to call him over and get him to call a locksmith to get me out. I posted this FML while we were waiting for the locksmith to come by.
By UberAwesone - / Saturday 17 June 2017 18:29 / Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, my brother and I got our first tattoos. He got his dedicated to our grandfather who passed away a few years ago, while I got mine dedicated to my mom. My grandmother doesn't like tattoos, but loves his and considers it "meaningful and sentimental," while mine is a "tramp stamp." It's on my leg. FML

By Bambi122913 - / Saturday 17 June 2017 20:17 /
World
Italy

Today, I wanted to cancel my internet contract. At the store, they told me I have to cancel by phone. On the phone, they tell me I have to do it via the internet. On the internet, it says they will have a customer support agent call me. Finally, he called me to tell me that the only way to cancel is to send a letter by post. FML

By Anonymous - / Monday 29 May 2017 17:30 / Italy

Today, my 5-year-old cousin came over. We were on the trampoline in my backyard when he fell off and started crying and screaming. While I was trying to comfort him, my mom came out yelling at me for "pushing him off the trampoline" and grounded me for a month. FML

By Kate - / Saturday 17 June 2017 06:16 /

  Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

By FidoForever - / Saturday 17 June 2017 05:51 /
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