All the FMLs

Wild

By Anonymous - 25/01/2022 08:01

Today, I intended to get home early. Instead, I got too drunk, threw up, fell asleep on the train, and had to pay a $120 for a taxi fare. Happy 30th birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 21

Debt

By Anonymous - 25/01/2022 14:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after weeks of asking, I was finally given my debit card back from my parents. They’ve spent over $1000 and now I’m scared to know how much I have left. There was no mention of a reimbursement either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 20

Gimme the drugs

By Debi - 25/01/2022 01:59

Today, I scrambled to get out of work on the dot to go to a special pharmacy that closes at 5 pm an hour away. I arrived at 4:58. Upon reaching the door, one of the employees came and locked it in my face. Apparently, her going home early was more important than me getting my medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 72

Manchild

By IFailedasaparent - 24/01/2022 22:59

Today, my son broke up with his fourth girlfriend in a row, because, “all of them get those period things and it’s annoying as fuck.” He’s 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 162

Tori Amos?

By wedeserveeachother - 24/01/2022 11:01 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I made up a lie to my girlfriend so I could go to a club with my friends. My girlfriend told me that she was going to stay in and watch a movie. Guess who I shockingly ran into at the club, with her girlfriends? FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 931

Domestic

By I’d rather be homeless - 24/01/2022 17:01

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mother, during which she told me she wished she’d thrown herself down the stairs the minute she discovered she was pregnant. I told her, “There's the stairs, help yourself!” She called the police and told them I threatened to push her down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 81

Thanks Andrew Lloyd Webber

By bdavis - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was using a power drill to take down the set for the musical we just finished. My long hair got caught in the drill, got ripped out, and now I have a hurting, bleeding bald spot the size of 2 quarters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 831

You deserved it 14 632

The Hangover, part 26

By Fabuan - 24/01/2022 14:00

Today, while working from home, I was super drowsy after a heavy bar hangout with the boys. I took a call from a customer. Next thing I know, the call was no longer there. My boss called me to tell me they left a one-star review on our site, saying I fell asleep and snored mid-call. Yes, I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 1 051

Weak lemon drink

By Anonymous - 24/01/2022 05:01 - Colombia - Medell?n

Today, my girlfriend made the case that sexting a guy she hasn’t seen in person doesn’t count as cheating, because her “hobby” predates our 3-year relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 71

Bit nippy out

By Anonymous - 24/01/2022 07:59 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my mom wants to save money on both heating and electricity. Put into practice, this means that the temperature in my room is about the same as that in our fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 50

Sussy baka

By Anonymous - 24/01/2022 04:59

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I get along with her mother just fine. Apparently, it’s not natural for a son-in-law and mother-in-law to get along this well, we should hate each other on principle, so liking each other just fine is somehow majorly suspicious and she can’t trust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 56

Nice guy to the rescue

By Anonymous - 24/01/2022 01:59

Today, I saved a woman from being mugged, and stayed with her until the police arrived. At which point she ignored me completely, and thanked the handsome 20-something police officer for making her feel safe, like I did nothing. Ungrateful cow. Next time the mugger can have your handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 760

Stalkerish

By creepingjennie - 23/01/2022 23:01

Today, I discovered my ex has been signing my email up for various newsletters. I knew I was getting a lot of spam, but didn't know why. It became apparent when one of these emails had his name in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 61

Good boy

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 20:00

Today, it's my birthday, and the only male attention I've had in months is when the dog greeted me with his red rocket out and his tail wagging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 120

Bad diet

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 11:01 - United States - Verona

Today, my roommate stunk up the entire floor again with his rancid bathroom trips from spicy foods so much that I ended up wearing a t-shirt over my nose just to play video games in my own room. He gets offended when I tell him to open the bathroom window to vent it out. If only I owned my own home… FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 79

Unsolicited dick texts

By jaderie - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 535

You deserved it 4 770

Nice try

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 21:00 - Philippines

Today, I got drunk until morning at a college friend's apartment with bunch of strangers. Some officials came in due to the noise and I tried to scare them away by pretending to sing a latin song of worship I made up, thinking they'd respect the gathering if it was a religious one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 997

Quarantine stress

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 11:01

Today, my mother complained all day while I'm trying to work from home. I started getting chest pains from the stress of everything having to be perfect or she has one of her meltdowns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 70

Sports ball

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 08:01

Today, after almost four years of friendship. My "good friend" blocked me on Facebook, after I joked with him about his team losing. I'm a huge fan of the winning team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 162

BREAKING NEWS

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 00:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I got to find out via a news article that Tucker Carlson apparently wants to do the Green M&M cartoon from the commercials. I didn't need to know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 195

Good enough

By Loves me not. - 23/01/2022 05:01

Today, I realized that there are only two things that make me stay with my current girlfriend: the sex and her Nintendo Switch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 861

Evil child

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 02:01

Today, after my stepdaughter warned me that she’d get rid of me, she's finally successfully driven such a large wedge between me and my wife that we haven’t spoken in a month, and today she asked me for a divorce. Well played, stepdaughter, well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 247

Nice try

By Patricia89 - 22/01/2022 22:59

Today, I came home early from work and caught my husband cheating red-handed, in bed with the other woman. His reaction was, “I was just joking!” and asked the other woman what she was doing here, and asked her to leave. Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 72

Big brained

By TiredTeacher95 - 22/01/2022 19:59

Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 66

Going swimmingly

By Anonymous - 22/01/2022 17:00

Today, all the roads going in and out of my town are closed due to flooding. I work 3 towns away, and was threatened with termination if I didn't come to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 58

Testing testing

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Hood River

Today, one of my friends asked me to flirt with her boyfriend to see if he would flirt back. Knowing this was a trust test, I agreed. She got pissed at me when he flirted back and still isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 569

You deserved it 5 468

Awkward silence

By Fxchme - 22/01/2022 14:01

Today, I learned that you should never ask your 11 year-old daughter to read a text for you while you’re driving. She read a text from a girl I had a one-night stand with on New Year's Eve, demanding why I never called her again. Yes, my wife was also in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 2 933

Bastard child

By Anonymous - 22/01/2022 11:01

Today, my scumbag son proposed to his sweetheart girlfriend with an engagement ring he stole off his sister's finger while she was in hospital unconscious after an epileptic fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 116

Gone girl

By Anonymous - 22/01/2022 08:01

Today, while heartbroken, I reached out to an old friend who I hadn’t spoken to in a while. He responded to my, “Hello” with, “You need to lift the veil from your eyes. Q is leaving breadcrumbs so Donald can take down the zionist deep state that’s feeding us babies in our Big Macs.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 131

Punching down

By Anonymous - 22/01/2022 04:59

Today, my parents and I went on a hilarious tangent where we rattled off the most ridiculously dark jokes that we could think of. It was going pretty well, until my dad made a joke about diabetes. My mom is diabetic. Now my mom is furious at my dad, and he's blaming me for it. I wasn't the one who made the joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 133

Nearly

Today, I found out that just because you turn off the iPhone you stole doesn’t mean the owner won’t track it down. Apparently with the new iOS feature Find My iPhone is enabled even with the phone switched off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 2

Today, I'm in love with a girl I can't get, I have social anxiety, and I only have a month until I never see her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30