Weirdest FMLs of the Day Most Commented FMLs of the Day

Today, I tried to break up a fight between two of my coworkers. They decided to show their gratitude by smashing me in the face with a thick ceramic dish. FML

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By Ouch - / Wednesday 14 November 2018 05:00 /

Today, at 16 years old, I got "the talk" from Dad. He began with "I don’t really need to give you the talk do I? It would just be awkward for us both." I agreed with him, and we drove home in silence. Thanks for avoiding the awkwardness, Dad. FML

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By TalkedTo - / Wednesday 14 November 2018 03:00 /

No Shame

At least he's honest!

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By FML Videos - / Wednesday 14 November 2018 00:30 /

Texas Woman Celebrates Divorce By Blowing Up Wedding Dress (VIDEO)

The marriage went out with a bang!

By Gloria Borger - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 23:48 /

Today, my boyfriend, who is also my boss, was giving me a blowjob at work. Halfway through, his boss knocked on the door and I had to quickly get dressed and slip out the other door. After leaving, I realized that I was still barefoot and I had to walk back to my desk in front of my colleagues. FML

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By Walk of Shame - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 22:00 /

System Failure

Malfunction - the system is down!

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By FML Videos - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 12:30 / United States - New York

Today, it's been weeks since I made a Facebook page to arrange something for my birthday as no one was able to attend last year on short notice. Everyone was game but now everyone is flaking. One friend even said, "I'll see who RSVPs and then decide." FML

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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 17:30 /

Belgium: Bonus of €30,000 Accidentally Given To Employees

Unfortunately for them, they have to give it all back.

By Gloria Borger - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 16:40 /

Today, I received a notice that I'm being fined for failure to renew my Florida license. I've lived in Maryland for the last seven years and I've never had a Florida license. FML

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By LicenseLoser - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 15:30 /

Today, my class had a debate about religion. My classmate said that Christians couldn't be circumcised because "only Jewish people are". Without thinking, I said it isn't true because I'm Christian and I’m circumcised. I accidentally gave the whole class a mental picture of my dick. FML

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By Big Mouth - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 14:00 /

Today, a few months after my son lost a canine tooth, he went to get a replacement fitted. He came home with his other canine tooth removed and both replaced by vampire fangs. Permanent vampire fangs in his mouth, where people can see them and judge me for being a bad parent. FML

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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 13:30 /

Today, I spent almost nine hours cleaning because I was promised I could go to junior prom if my room was cleaned. I missed a dust bunny and couldn't go. I had a date for this, who I'd had a crush on for over a year and barely managed to ask to go with me. FML

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By SharpDressedMan - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 06:00 / United States - Leesburg

Today, I was denied an animal adoption because I said "babies" instead of "kittens". Apparently that means I'm not serious about pet ownership. What?! FML

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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 05:00 /

Today, right before sex, with his dick out and the condom in one hand, the guy I was with answered a phone call from his mum. FML

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By T1A2Z3 - / Tuesday 13 November 2018 03:00 /

Dog Fail

Living that clumsy life!

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By FML Videos - / Monday 12 November 2018 18:30 / United States - New York

Judge Sasses Cop Who Ate Marijuana Edibles On duty

This story has only gotten better over time.

By Gloria Borger - / Monday 12 November 2018 18:05 / United States - New York

Today, while at my mom’s house, my mom told me that I need to seriously curb my food intake. Then I went to my dad’s house and he told me I need to gain weight. I can’t win here. FML

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By caly - / Monday 12 November 2018 16:32 / United States

Mondays

How's your day going?

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By FML Videos - / Monday 12 November 2018 18:30 /

Today, my brother threw a mug at my head and threatened to stab anybody who came at him because I woke him up for school. I called the police after threats were thrown at my mom, who then lied to them and said I overreacted. I'm currently getting the silent treatment from my family. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 12 November 2018 18:00 /

LA Photographer Throws Obnoxious Party On NYC Subway

It's all a show for some people.

By Gloria Borger - / Monday 12 November 2018 11:23 / United States - New York

Today, I bought a new $10,000 car since my old one broke down. Today, I also found out the old one wasn’t starting because i never had it in park. FML

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By crossl17 - / Monday 12 November 2018 15:30 /

Today, my nana turned up at my flat for a visit, barged in without knocking, and found me having sex with both of my girlfriends. The vicious religious lecture that followed would have stripped the tramp stamp off a whore. She then rampaged through our bedroom and binned all our sex toys. FML

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By Lesbian and proud, nana - / Monday 12 November 2018 14:00 /

Today, my boyfriend started tickling me relentlessly. I am extremely ticklish and accidentally kicked him in the shin whilst squirming. He’s now trying to get me arrested for assault. FML

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By amm - / Monday 12 November 2018 13:30 /

Today, while I was fitting a new fuse box, a giant spider tried to eat my fingers. As I pulled away, I touched the exposed wires. I woke up flat on my back to the customer slapping my face, burnt fingers, and bruises everywhere. I had also peed and shit myself. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 12 November 2018 12:00 /

Today, I realized how bad my grey hair problem has gotten as I noticed I had grey pubes. I'm only 23. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 12 November 2018 05:00 /

The Top 12 Funniest Tweets Of The Week

Here's this week's list of FML's favorite funny tweets. Enjoy!

By Tweety Bird - / Monday 12 November 2018 03:55 /

Today, I went to a tattoo artist to get what I thought would be really cute, elegant finger tattoos. I left with wobbly, blobby messes all over my fingers. FML

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By Mylifesintatterssendhelp - / Monday 12 November 2018 03:00 /

Life Goals

Don't stop believing!

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By FML Videos - / Monday 12 November 2018 00:00 /

World

Canada

Today, we left the cat alone all day for the first time in months, and came back home 11.5 hours later to three enormous puddles of vomit. We then spent $450 at the vet only to find out that our cat is perfectly healthy. He just has separation anxiety. FML

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By caittorr - / Sunday 11 November 2018 16:00 / Canada - Saint-jean-sur-richelieu

Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML

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By bonnmo - / Sunday 11 November 2018 11:30 / United States

Game Ranking

End of game in

Zombie

#	Nickname	Bites
1	whatshername?!	126
2	im365sostressed	7
3	CaseyR	4
4	gnomesrox4	0
5	NeuroticByChoice	0
6	7846239	0
7	DeadLegBo	0
8	junfitz	0
9	DarkestNightmare	0
10	SweetCheeseIt	0
#	Total	137

vampire

#	Nickname	Bites
1	newbiemalestr8	1904
2	BadAtPuns	1198
3	Ashamed_Sister	684
4	abigiggles	220
5	hellsingthecreator93	183
6	Dave_Davington	134
7	EclipticaLibra	119
8	Vaella	81
9	Callyn	47
10	xsandra	45
#	Total	4889

werewolf

#	Nickname	Bites
1	Taurus_ChicKa	50
2	thisisbutaname	24
3	ЗАБЕРИТЕ 12 000 РУБ ЗДЕСЬ www.mnogodenegm.gq gJCUT	0
4	Emmaz1098	0
5	Redinjun1	0
6	olieder1990_fml	0
7	crazychica97	0
8	Canadiangrown	0
9	xluvr	0
10	hotbuns95	0
#	Total	74