The best jokes about life

Today, I had a panel job interview with 3 people. My nerves got the best of me, especially when they asked me about my weaknesses. I gave them an answer, but they kept bombarding me with additional follow-up questions that I couldn’t think of the answers to. It got so bad, I was reduced to tears. FML

By Driri - 31/7/2021 08:00

Quickfire round

Today, I walked in on my mom, my dad, Sarah, and Sarah's husband James making dinner in the kitchen. Completely naked. At 2 p.m. They weren't cooking anything to eat. FML

By Pinsky - 30/7/2021 23:01 - United States - Chicago

Kitchen Nightmare

139

Today, I teasingly asked my crush why he never came to visit me in my dorm. He said that all his friends there had moved out and gotten apartments, so he had no reason to go to my dorm. Oh. I thought we were friends. FML

By Anonymous - 30/7/2021 22:01 - United States - Brookville

Seems unlikely

191

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend posted a video of me going down on him online. FML

By Anonymous - 30/7/2021 20:00 - United States

Prosecution time

375

Today, I'm a social media manager, and a client complained about having to put forward her personality to gain followers, also refusing to promote her works personally on camera. She's an actress. FML

By Anonymous - 31/7/2021 00:01

Unsociable media

303

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight after the gym. Then, a cheesecake I'd baked for a client cracked all the way through. Then, my oven broke as I was trying to make a new one, so I left to bake it at a friend's house, at which point I locked my keys and all of my supplies inside my car. FML

By Anonymous - 30/7/2021 23:01 - Bahrain - Manama

Eventful day

460

Today, I called one of my coworkers to ask him where he was, because I needed him to come downstairs. After 2 minutes of yelling on the phone to come downstairs, I realized I'd called the wrong person, and was actually on the phone with my ex-boyfriend, who took me 6 months to get over. FML

By Anonymous - 30/7/2021 20:01

Slipping

135

468

Today, my neighbor's dog came to visit and I tried to bring him back home like I usually do. Only this time, when I grabbed the dog's collar, they zapped him! And it zapped me! My teeth still hurt! FML

By Anonymous - 30/7/2021 12:01 - Canada - Bancroft

Are friends electric?

431

Today, my coworkers glued pairs of different sized googly eyes all over my office equipment, seconds before an important client arrived. FML

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

It's just a prank, bro

49967

4164

Today, I've been single for so long, I very nearly had a wet dream about an anthropomorphic frog. A FROG. FML

By FrogMyLife - 30/7/2021 14:59 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Poor old Kermit

361

Today, I went to a doctor's appointment, being concerned about some abnormal swelling and soreness in one of my testicles. They fondled my balls for 20 seconds before saying, "Yeah, that's abnormal. You should probably go get an ultrasound somewhere and maybe take some ibuprofen for the pain. That'll be $265." FML

By US_Healthcare_Sucks - 30/7/2021 14:01

Medicare for all

557

Today, it's been 50 hours since our power outage began. The authorities don't seem to be bothered enough to fix the problem and are constantly making excuses for delays. Did I mention my warm water fish are dying from lack of heat, and it's my time off work? FML

By Anonymous - 30/7/2021 11:01 - South Africa - Cape Town

Libertarian dream

531

Today, the girl who I had a desperate crush on in high school 25 years ago, and who would never go out with me, told me that she was actually head over heels in love with me, but was so cripplingly shy that she couldn't say yes. She's divorced now. I'm married. FML

By Anonymous - 30/7/2021 07:59 - United States

Still a better a love story than Alien vs. Predator

754

162

Today, at my appliance job, we received a used dryer that needed to be fixed. I took it in the back room to test it. I plugged it in and turned it on. It started to smell so bad that I went to shut it down, but before I did I see two used condoms fly out of the back vent. FML

By Anonymous - 30/7/2021 06:01

Repair this

578

Today, ever since I let my boyfriend touch my boobs, he thinks it's appropriate to grope me whenever he feels like it. Even talking to him about it doesn't seem to stop him. FML

By Anonymous - 30/7/2021 04:01 - Australia

The bobs and vagene guy

472

Today, after the girl I fell head over heels for asked me out last night, it turns out she was so drunk at the time, she doesn't remember and doesn't want to date me at all. I'm beginning to feel like my life is some shitty movie. FML

By Brenden Alistair Maye - 30/7/2021 01:59

Inebriated utterances

611

Today, like every month, I have to play hide and seek. Every month? Yeah. My cervix somehow moves around inside me, and if I want to bleed into my menstrual cup and not around it, I have to find and catch my cervix first. FML

By Anonymous - 30/7/2021 00:01

Catch me!

575

Today, I dreamt of my mom. She came over to me, and said, "Hey, I'm alright, the doctors were wrong." My mom died 4 months ago due to Covid-19 complications, and waking up shouldn't be so painful. FML

By Anonymous - 29/7/2021 22:01 - Czech Republic - Prostejov

It's alright

1054

Today, my flight from China to Moscow arrived late, making me miss my next transfer flight back home to Ireland. I had to wait for 24 hours for the next flight, without food vouchers, without a free hotel room, and without a free plane ticket that the airport was suppose to give. FML

By Anonymous - 29/7/2021 20:01

Long haul

777

Today, I was about to drive out of a parking lot. The space in front of me was empty, so I figured I could drive forward. I hadn't noticed that there was a median in front, and my car got stuck. FML

By Lousydriver - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Things that go bump in the… parking lot

9341

31709

Today, I went for my first eye test ever. Turns out I have astigmatism and need glasses. This is already on top of me already having a hearing aid, having hypertension of my joints, autism, and endometriosis. FML

By Anonymous - 30/7/2021 02:01 - Australia - Drummoyne

Royal flush

725

Today, my dad went on a rant about the US Olympics gymnastics team, claiming that it was a disgrace that someone dropped out, and that it was disrespecting "our flag". He's never watched the Olympic games ever, not to mention any gymnastics. FML

By Stace - 29/7/2021 16:01 - United States - Birmingham

Olympic kerfuffle

723

Today, I found out that, despite working 4 part-time jobs, that I will not qualify for maternity leave by my due date with the mandatory 600 hours. I can't get full-time work and I'm 8 months pregnant now. This'll be fun! FML

By Anonymous - 29/7/2021 08:01 - Canada - Oshawa

Workers rise up!

710

111

Today, because no one else was willing to, I had to explain to my uncle that he's white, that I'm not his grandfather, and that he's mentally challenged. FML

By lordoftheweird - 29/7/2021 10:59

What the…?

624

Today, I was bowling with a woman I like. At the end of the night, I was trying to decide whether I should ask her out. I went up to her and said, "It was fun bowling with you." She said, "Thank you, Patrick." My name isn't Patrick. FML

By Anonymous - 28/7/2021 23:01 - United States - Portland

Who are you?

782

Today, I contacted the Unemployment Office. I was told that I needed to send additional information, then that the information had already been received, and that the case would be reviewed. For the fourth time. I've been out of work for three months, and haven't received a dime. FML

By OnReceivingEnd - 28/7/2021 21:01 - United States - Peoria

Red tape

713

Today, after my girlfriend had a nightmare this morning, I stayed home because she has really bad anxiety issues. A couple of hours later, she's pissed because I said I would stay up, but I fell asleep. FML

By Anonymous - 29/7/2021 04:01

Out of it

687

166

Today, my neighbor, who has 4 video cameras pointed at the front of my house, got a drone that’s now hovering over my backyard. FML

By Ryan Engle - 29/7/2021 02:01

Isn't that illegal?

848

Today, I realised that if I died, no one would care. I know this because when I called my partner distressed last night, he told me he needed to sleep and hung up in less than 45 seconds, and a friend told me to call lifeline. I haven’t heard from either of them since. FML

By Anonymous - 29/7/2021 00:01

Don't know, don't care

775

124