FML : Your everyday life stories

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Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from sex god to just a dad. Idk either. FML

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By Anonymous / Wednesday 20 February 2019 04:00 /

Today, I went to the pharmacy to get my medicine for my nausea because I am pregnant. I got the instructions and they're supposed to be placed in my rectum... my fiance openly read the instructions out loud and a older in the back guy said " Hey, now time to buy gloves! " FML

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By Lydeara - / Wednesday 20 February 2019 02:00 /

Today I pulled extra overtime so after a 17 hour workday I got home and decided to just collapse into bed fully clothed, only I had left my iPad on the bed near the pillow, so I heard three loud crunches as I broke my iPad screen, my only pair of glasses, and my nose all at the same time FML

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By headbutt butthead - / Wednesday 20 February 2019 00:00 /

Today, our family got a new car and my 18-year-old cousin went for a test drive. When he returned, the news we got were my half-brother saying, “Don't worry, dad, it's still got two tires!” FML.

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By Petra - / Tuesday 19 February 2019 20:00 /

Today, my wife started talking dirty during sex. I thought of a meme I saw about using your customer service voice for dirty talk and I laughed until I went soft. She's never done that before, so she thought I was laughing at her. She's still mad. FML

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By Anonymous / Tuesday 19 February 2019 18:00 /

Today, my boss talked to me, and from now on, I have to work 3 hours more every day. Apparently I was always leaving early till now, and no one had the heart to tell me because I looked so bored. FML

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By deerling - / Tuesday 19 February 2019 16:00 / Germany - Bielefeld

Today I got my W2 in the mail. I also found out that my ex and his new wife are trying to claim my son on their taxes. This is the same wife that insisted not only is my ex not his father, my son shouldn’t be able to visit when her kids around and that my ex shouldn’t pay child support. FML

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By tax season blues - / Tuesday 19 February 2019 05:00 / United States - Hesperia

Today, I sent a very strong email to another team who have been making mistakes on a regular basis, explaining that they need to be more accurate. When signing off the email, I finished with "regards", well at least I meant to, but actually wrote "retards" . FML

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By Himmelblau - / Tuesday 19 February 2019 12:00 /

Today, I had a doctor's appointment and I was told of a possible heart disease after a year of multiple types of arrhythmia from an unknown source. Heart health issues at the age of 36. FML

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By - / Tuesday 19 February 2019 04:00 /

Today I was continuing to potty train my toddler and she pooped on herself. I cleaned her up and we went over where her poo poo is supposed to go multiple times and sent her on her way. An hour later when I smelled poop again I was pleasantly surprised to find her pooping in my closet...FML

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By - / Tuesday 19 February 2019 02:00 /

Today I told my boyfriend that I didn't feel secure in our relationship and he responded by telling me that I should start taking meds...FML

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By - / Tuesday 19 February 2019 00:00 /

Today I finally had the courage to break up with the father of my child. When I got to my parents house they were happy, but after explaining that I was gonna spend some time with them, they called him and told him that they don’t accept devolutions... FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 18 February 2019 20:00 /

Today, I found myself crying my eyes out over my two favourite fictional characters deaths. It happened over 6 years ago and has affected me more than real peoples deaths. FML

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By Anonymous - / Monday 18 February 2019 18:00 /

Today the family posted my mother in law’s obituary. My husband was listed as a survivor, with no mention of me, while all the other spouses were named. Also listed as a survivor—his ex-wife. FML

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By Suzie - / Monday 18 February 2019 16:00 /

Today I got stressed and well lets just say I got carried away, pulled most of my eyelashes off one eye, and now I have to find falsies that look real...FML

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By Jocelyn - / Monday 18 February 2019 12:00 /

Today I found out I sleep walk, I came too in my brothers room pissing in his cloths hamper, the worse part is, that this explained a couple other moments in my past, FML

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By Ughhhh - / Sunday 17 February 2019 20:00 / United States - Valparaiso

Today, during my lunch break I sat on the managers chair and as I sat down I heard a snap sound, and I ended up on the floor.. Everyone now calls me the "lumpy girl" who broke the managers chair. FML

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By Umlungu23 - / Monday 18 February 2019 00:00 /

Today our baby set off my wife's rape alarm which I then tried to turn off. So when other people heard a rape alarm and saw a 6 foot man with his hand in the breast pocket of a 5 foot woman's coat who is carrying a crying baby I suppose being punched in the nose by a passerby was inevitable FML

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By Mad Gerald, Mr Rat and Mr Key - / Sunday 17 February 2019 20:00 /

Today my boss and the director of my office came by to discuss a change to the doors. It was at that moment my stupid possessed tablet in my bag opened pandora to "show tunes" and played 'the internet is for porn'. FML

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By Tank - / Sunday 17 February 2019 11:00 / United States - Mcpherson

Today, I had what I thought was a UTI, so I went to the Dr. Not only did they not find anything, but they had to catheterize me. I went from simple painful urination to feeling like someone is sticking a red hot knife down there every time I use the restroom, and no one seems to know why. FML

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By BurningSensation - / Sunday 17 February 2019 14:00 /

Today, I realized my older, temporary coworker comments every time I yawn, sneeze, cough, leave my desk to use the restroom, and on what I eat at lunch, laughing the whole time. it’s driving me crazy, only 8 more weeks. FML

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By Anonymous / Sunday 17 February 2019 12:00 /

Today, it’s the 3rd month of my diet. Every dream I’ve had since I started has been entirely about junk food. Every. Single. One. FML

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By maisumepg / Sunday 17 February 2019 04:00 /

Today, I found out that my abusive ex husband not only got just 3 months for almost killing me...they released him almost a week early and authorities never contacted me like they were supposed to; I ended up seeing him driving and I had a panic attack on the freeway... FML

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By "chelbelle90" - / Sunday 17 February 2019 02:00 /

Today my stove exploded just a week after my refrigerator unexpectedly stopped working. Great way to start 2019 ! FML

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By Anonymous - / Sunday 17 February 2019 00:00 /

Today while driving me to the airport for a trip to Japan my mother started crying. When I asked her why she said "I just know that if the plane crashes I will never see you again because you are going to hell." .. Thank you, mom. I love you too. FML

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By heathenapparently - / Saturday 16 February 2019 20:00 /

Today I was walking home from school and my stupid brother who comes earlier then me locked the storm door with no lock. I ended up trying every other door for 3 hours in below freezing temperature. I was numb everywhere. I rang the bell and my brother opened it. He was home the whole time. FML

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By something - / Saturday 16 February 2019 18:00 /

Today my car slid off the road because of black ice. I work two jobs, go to college full-time, and already owe $1300 in various places. Now I have no transportation until I fix my car... which the mechanic said will be $800. Looks like I'm eating ramen for the next year or two. FML

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By - / Saturday 16 February 2019 14:00 /

Today, I had an upset stomach and shit myself in the 1st 30 min at work. I cleaned my pants in the sink and had to walk around in front of everybody with soaked pants until I found my supervisor. FML

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By "Amanda G Rich" / Saturday 16 February 2019 12:00 /

Today I started my new job. I slept in, then my SatNav broke. I finally got to the clients house and was knocking on the door for 15 minutes (at 7.30am).....I was knocking on the wrong door. FML

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By / Saturday 16 February 2019 02:00 /

Today, while trying to sleep after a night shift, workers came to hook up city sewage service, firing up drills and shouting. An hour later, my child woke me up to tattle on her sister. Just as I was drifting to sleep yet again, the smoke alarm battery started chirping. I give up. FML

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By Insomnia - / Saturday 16 February 2019 00:00 /

FML

Nearly

Today, my boss told me she doesn't care if customers complain and told me I needed to leave my desk with a line of 10+ people waiting to be helped because...

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Today after literally 1000s of texts, hours of chats and banter, my co-worker and i admitted that we love each other but can’t leave our own partners for...

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Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Australia

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Photos

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Spicy

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we...

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Today, my husband left his cellphone unlocked so I decided to go through it. I found 10 texts threads from 10 different women, one of them from my 18 year...

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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