Your everyday life stories

Today, my mom introduced me to everyone we met as her "special needs child." They all seemed to believe her. FML

By BDSarah - 17/9/2019 16:00

Special

214

Today, I was yelled at and fired by my boss. He claimed that I've been sleeping with his wife. I've never met his wife. FML

By Anonymous - 17/9/2019 14:00

Alexa, play "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy

372

Today, my little sister took a dump in our bath tub right before we were leaving for soccer practice. When my mom found it, she blamed it on me, then made me pick it up with my bare hands. FML

By Katie - 17/9/2019 12:01 - United States

The Bathtub Incident

470

Today, I found out that my parents think my boyfriend is the devil. FML

By Emily - 17/9/2019 08:00

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name

428

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

By Lauren Davies - 17/9/2019 06:00

Paper-thin walls

555

102

Today, my mom told me I wouldn't be able to take driver's education until at least my sixteenth birthday, because I'm, "Not ready to drive a car." Isn't that the whole point of driver's ed? FML

By Anonymous - 17/9/2019 04:00

Parked, indefinitely

577

145

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who refers to himself in the third person on a regular basis, told me that I often act entitled. FML

By Mike - 17/9/2019 02:02 - United States - Los Angeles

The Nerve!

627

Today, my roommate whipped my face with a frozen chicken cutlet. My cheek is now the size of the chicken cutlet, and now he won't drive me to the hospital because it's "too funny to look at." FML

By bigbuldge - 17/9/2019 00:01

Roommate From Hell

837

Today, I was filling out an application for a job at a local pet store. At the end of it, they wanted a paragraph about any pets I had. After a while, I found myself finishing a 3-page essay about them. That's the longest essay I've ever written. FML

By I Heart My Cats and Dogs - 16/9/2019 22:01

Pet Store Madness

691

237

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. After the cop asked for my license, he started laughing when he saw my picture. FML

By ACAB - 16/9/2019 20:00 - Australia

Officer McGiggles

853

116

Today, on my birthday, my mother described my birth like a large, painful bowel movement in front of all my friends. FML

By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 18:00 - United States

Dumpy baby

869

Today, a girl that I've been falling for told me that she's married. But not to worry, that "won't get in the way of 'us'." FML

By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 10:00 - United States

Sounds healthy

1042

Today, my grandfather found my diary laying in the living room, and for some reason thought it was an interesting reading material. Oh well, he found out that I'm a lesbian, then panicked and basically outed me to my entire family. I really hope they have reservations in Hell. FML

By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 14:00

Out and about

996

436

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 12:00 - United States - New York

Showtime

989

182

Today, I got an e-mail at work about payroll cuts. After our annual cost of living raise two weeks ago, I make $0.30 more per hour, but with my hours getting cut, I'll make $80 less per paycheck. That's two weeks of groceries. I can't afford my vacation next week now either. FML.

By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 08:28

Snakes and Ladders

1433

Hey my FML got published! First off, I'm a guy, so... that's weird. (They fixed it. Thank you!) Second, to those of you who took precious time out of your day to give me the brilliant idea to get another job... obviously. I've been applying like crazy for weeks already and hoping something will land. About the suggestion that I work overtime... what? No? Payroll cuts mean I can't even work my usual...

AlexF_1001 Say more :

By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 06:01 - United Kingdom - London

Damian?

Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML

764

Today, I overheard this girl I don't really know say that she had cramps. Trying to be helpful, I turned round and told her she should stretch out where she had them. She then asked how the fuck she was supposed to stretch her ovaries. FML

By thegoalie - 16/9/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Yoga for Dummies

422

1525

Today, I found out my husband has been telling everyone he doesn't want a baby. He has been telling me he does. We have been trying for months. I'm now pregnant and confused. FML

By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 02:00

Alexa, play "Confusion" by New Order

1193

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for a guy. I was the only one who knew he was bisexual. Now everyone thinks I "turned him gay." FML

By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 00:01

Big Little Lies

1169

120

Today, my art teacher fawned over my friend's photographs of random children and people making out, while she called my picture of an old man looking thoughtful on a pier "creepy" and "voyeuristic." FML

By badizzle - 15/9/2019 22:00

Helmut Newton strikes back

1146

Today, at work I had to spend 2 hours cleaning up stinky toilet water. Why? Because yesterday, I forgot to turn on the septic tank pumps. The tank overflowed, and so did all the toilets. My boss is not happy. FML

By DogStew - 15/9/2019 20:00

Pumped-up Tanks

466

1361

By Mystic Alan - 15/9/2019 18:00

FML's Weekly Horoscope - 15th of September 2019

Find out what embarrassing stuff the dumbass stars and planets have in store for you this week!

Today, my fiance's mother asked him how he can be with someone with chronic pain for the rest of his life. She has chronic health problems too, but doesn't see how this is a hypocritical question. FML

By littlelia - 15/9/2019 14:00

Mirror, mirror…

1207

Today, I bought flowers with my groceries at the grocery store. After the cashier scanned them, he handed them back to me so they wouldn't get crushed in my cart. It was then that I realized he's the first man to ever hand me flowers. FML

By ThisIsMyLife - 15/9/2019 12:00

Flowers (Nothing But)

1184

170

Today, my husband of four years finally told me he has an eight-year-old son. FML

By MIA - 15/9/2019 06:03

Today, on Maury…

1603

119

Today, I invited a bunch of friends over to hang out and watch a movie. It's been two hours since everyone was supposed to turn up, and no one has showed. Thanks, friends. FML

By lonely - 15/9/2019 04:05 - Canada - Granby

Saturday Night Fever-ish

1433

Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML

By oh, good - 15/9/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Bath

Poor Mickey

1254

183

Today, after 4 days of using anti-itch cream for what pharmacists and nurses have called “an allergic reaction”, I was diagnosed with shingles. FML

By ouch - 15/9/2019 00:01

Scratch that

1292

Today, I was elected "class mom", even though I didn’t want to do it. I was also handed several envelopes in the hectic school hallway, containing parental cash contributions for the year. I lost several of the envelopes while rushing to my car, and now have to contribute €100 instead of €25. FML

By Meowitzer - 14/9/2019 22:00

Classy Mom

985

837