FML : Your everyday life stories

Weirdest FMLs of the Day Most Commented FMLs of the Day

Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Friday 14 December 2018 03:00 /

How's life going?

When life gives you lemon, it's often juice, directly in the eyes...

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By Lewis - / Friday 14 December 2018 00:30 /

Today is my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed lysol in the bathroom after he crapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Birthday blues - / Thursday 13 December 2018 22:00 /

My friends' reaction when I see my ex

Let it go!

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By Lewis - / Thursday 13 December 2018 17:58 / France - Paris

German town gets into a sticky situation

Towns' residents experienced ch-ocking catastrophe

By FML - / Thursday 13 December 2018 16:00 /

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Thursday 13 December 2018 15:30 /

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me saying I don’t make her happy, I don’t make her laugh, that she feels she is settling for me and that she is not being pleased sexually. Even though she has always said I did all of that and that we could work through anything. I was going to propose... FML

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You deserved it

By killme - / Thursday 13 December 2018 14:00 /

Today my husband blew a tire in a hidden pothole on the way to work. I picked him up in my car later that day, only to hit an entirely different pothole, bending my rim and catapulting my hubcap into the woods. FML

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You deserved it

By Murphy’s Christmas - / Thursday 13 December 2018 13:30 /

I went to check my grade that was posted for an essay for my comp 1 class. I got a zero. I was devastated only to find out I never actually clicked the submit document button. My grade dropped 20 points.

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By "PineappleOfMyEye" - / Thursday 13 December 2018 12:30 /

Today I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said bye to him...only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML

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You deserved it

By - / Thursday 13 December 2018 03:00 /

My week when I have a deadline on Friday

Baby steps...

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By Lewis - / Thursday 13 December 2018 00:30 /

Today, I went to the company's health clinic to treat muscle spasms and a possible cracked rib. In the process the old quack doc and overly eager nurses wound up giving me a storng laxative and 3 enemas, two of them quite large. Then I still had to return to work. FML

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You deserved it

By Equi - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 16:00 / United States

When it's cold outside

It's duck cold!

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By Lewis - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 18:00 /

Today seemed like a great day. Right up until the point to where I accidentally damaged a friend's MacBook Pro. Not only do I have to pay for it, but the only way I'll be able to afford it is by returning every single Christmas gift I get. FML

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You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 08:30 / United States - San Francisco

Brilliant or bonkers? The coat taking the world by storm

Cozy clothing is the new black, but it indeed comes at a cost!

By FML - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 16:00 / France - Paris

Today at work I had recieved a lot of phone calls. I thought maybe it was a scammer line because I never recieve calls. Turns out my phone number was a character's same number in a TV Show. FML

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You deserved it

By Idk - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 08:00 / United States - Wilton

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get it on. That's when the bell rang. He said, 'I'll just be back'. 5 minutes later, still no sign of him. I wrapped myself in a towel and went to the hall. Turns out his new PS4 had arrived. He said, 'I forgot you were here, sorry' and continued to play. FML

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By Mia - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 17:00 / India - Mumbai

Today, I woke up with a swollen face and have been diagnosed with mumps. Despite having been vaccinated against it. Twice. I have three assignments due next week and I can barely stay awake long enough to type this. FML

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By mrosewrosem - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 05:00 /

Today, in the absence of my god-daughter's parents, I went in their place to see her elementary school's principal. She apparently stood up to a known bully's violence and retaliated, sending said bully to the hospital. Not only she may be facing expulsion, I may get sued by the bully's parents. FML

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You deserved it

By bully slayer - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 10:00 / Philippines - Pasay City

Me at lunchtime

Why have I to be polite?

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By Lewis - / Wednesday 12 December 2018 00:30 /

Today I saw a picture of my ex giving her new boyfriend an extremely familiar ring. Upon zooming in, I realized that it was the engagement ring i gave her that she claimed to have had stolen from her home... FML

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You deserved it

By - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 22:00 /

How's the project going?

Fine... I guess?

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By Lewis - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 18:00 /

Today, I used a new fragrance-free hypoallergenic laundry detergent for my underwear, as I have sensitive skin. I got a rash. FML

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By It burns down there - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 17:30 /

School nuns book trip of a lifetime … using students’ money

Very bad, but pretty genius we must say.

By FML - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 16:15 /

Today, my mother once again called me to remind me what a disappointment I am despite having two degrees, a house, a professional job and having never been unemployed at 25. FML

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You deserved it

By Mick_The_Disappointment - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 15:30 /

Today, one of my female friends decided she wants a relationship with my ex. I told her I was fine with it because we've been apart for years and have been friends ever since. She then made him chose between being friends with me and having her as a girlfriend. I just lost two of my few friends. FML

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You deserved it

By LonelyOtter - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 14:00 /

Today, I met up with my ex girlfriend for coffee. It’s been months, and I was planning on flexing on her with my new car. Turns out, she also got a new car, and it’s newer, cleaner, faster, and better on gas... FML

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You deserved it

By theoriginalkydd - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 07:30 / Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend left me. The reason? She sent me a link to a story online about a woman who abused her dog to the point of death and I didn’t vomit while reading it. According to her, that makes me a “heartless monster.” FML

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You deserved it

By justmeagain - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 12:00 /

Today I remembered to put my work uniform in the wash; as I hit start I got an email notification. My landlord confirmed that the engineer will be out to fix the washing machine tomorrow after my housemate reported it as broken. My clothes are locked in the machine that now won't turn on. FML

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You deserved it

By Going to work naked tomorrow - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 04:00 / United Kingdom - Northallerton

Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML

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You deserved it

By "Lisa" - / Tuesday 11 December 2018 04:00 / Romania

FML

Nearly

Today, I reported to my part-time job for a shift in what we call the dungeon because it’s cold and drafty. Meanwhile, just down the hallway, the full-timers...

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You deserved it

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sexy time on my bed when things led to where I was about to lose my virginity, but I got nervous and then slightly...

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You deserved it

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World

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Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Australia

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Photos

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Spicy

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said bye...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

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