FML : Your everyday life stories

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Today... I got "let go" from work after 3 yrs of breaking my back for the organization a few weeks after finding out that I'm pregnant with TWINS to my bf who just moved to South Africa and I can't stop itching due to some pregnancy related condition which will last the entire pregnancy... FML

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By GodHelpMe - / Saturday 23 March 2019 18:00 /

Today...I woke up only to find out that I had gotten so drunk the night before and taken home 3 guys. I don't know what happened but everything hurts. It was my first time.FML

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By - / Saturday 23 March 2019 11:00 / Canada - Toronto

Today, concerned, I called my husband who is on a business trip and usually calls me around the same time but did not Today. He answered angrily and began cursing at me saying I was “accusing him” of something. I didn’t accuse him of anything, but now I’m suspicious. FML

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By WhyJesus - / Saturday 23 March 2019 14:00 /

Today, I found out the joke I’ve been telling for 15 years is true. I am adopted. FML

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By adopted apparently / Saturday 23 March 2019 12:00 /

Today I was at work, went to have a smoke in the designated area and didn't realise until it was too late that my stomach flu wanted to have a go on the toilet. I stood pacing around and then once it was too late I realised, it wasn't a fart... FML

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By anonymous - / Thursday 24 January 2019 10:42 / South Africa - Bryanston

Today, I got news from my doctor confirming that my partner is too big for me. We've been together for two years and only recently began having sex, and I bled after every time. Well, we've only done it seven times, and now I have to choose between my vagina tearing or having sex. FML

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By Horn Ball / Friday 22 March 2019 19:00 / Canada - Toronto

Today I was to start a new job after a long search. To celebrate, I ate a spicy bowl of noodles from I shop near to my house. This morning I ignored the urge to poop and drove to work. When I got there, I got out of the car and immediately crapped myself. Diarrhea. Fired. FML.

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By Tury - / Friday 22 March 2019 22:00 /

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. Not only did the people next to me have a loud conversation through the entire set, the guy behind me repeatedly tried to lecture me for head-butting him. Given he was a foot taller than me, I'm not even sure how that was possible. FML.

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By - / Friday 22 March 2019 20:00 /

Today my partner told me it would be GREAT if I had a fat transfer done to my breast, I'm 119lbs, and way to go on letting me know you're unhappy with my basic barely B tits FML

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By Botacti - / Friday 22 March 2019 18:00 /

Today my boyfriend and I got into a fight. He destroyed the gift I got him for Christmas and told me it was a cheap gift..not thinking it should hurt me. Gets better , he wanted to throw away my promise ring because he bought it for me, so apparently what he buys me isn’t mine. FML

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By Cheina - / Friday 22 March 2019 16:00 /

Today, I couldn't find my reading glasses, thinking perhaps i'd dropped them outside, I stepped off my deck bare foot, straight into a steaming dog turd. Only to see my glasses chewed up a few feet away. It went between my toes. FML

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By fEk - / Friday 22 March 2019 09:00 / Australia

Today, I’ve developed a migraine for the second day in a row. In order to gain relief, I must throw up EVERYTHING off my stomach. While I’m between sessions in the bathroom, my 3 year old choked on his dinner and vomited his entire meal in my hands. FML

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By Migraine Momma / Friday 22 March 2019 07:00 / United States - Gainesville

Today at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML

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By pencilskirt - / Friday 22 March 2019 00:00 /

Today, while I was talking to my boyfriend, I found out that he wants to marry me. I immediately said yes. Later that day, about two hours later, I walked in on him watching porn and masturbating to a live cam of his ex, and then he proceeded to ask me if I wanted to join. FML

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By Gwen - / Thursday 21 March 2019 17:00 / United States - Mooresville

Today, I found out that a co-worker has been promoted to Store Manager. She has been here for less than 6 months, and I have been with the company for 10 years. Guess who has been training her for the last 6 months. FML

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By DED - / Thursday 21 March 2019 12:00 / United States - Eugene

Today I went through my husband’s phone and computer and found out he’s been screwing my coworker. I took the proof and showed her husband. He flew into a rage and punched me straight in the face. Now not only am I filing for divorce I have a lovely half closed eye to go with it. FML

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By ouch! - / Thursday 21 March 2019 16:00 /

Today I had a girl over who agreed to do butt stuff for the first time. We went to the basement but heard someone in the house. I pulled out and she sh*t everywhere on the couch. I was asked about it and blamed it on my 14yr old dog. My dad believed me but had enough with the dog and put it down FML

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By pbarrett / Thursday 21 March 2019 07:00 / United States - Denver

Today, I tried to report my laptop, the only place I have ALL of my children’s baby pictures stored, stolen. My best friend’s now ex boyfriend took it to help back up all of the pics for me, they broke up n he wont give it back. It’s not theft since he had permission to take it out of the house. FML

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By justwantmypics / Thursday 21 March 2019 12:00 /

Today I woke up with a blood sugar of 455 and vomiting. I tried to call into work but my boss says I have to go in or face being written up. FML

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By oakleyoaks / Thursday 21 March 2019 02:00 /

Today, I learned that the bed my parents gave to me a few years back is the same bed that my siblings and I were all conceived on. FML

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By disturbeddaughter / Wednesday 20 March 2019 17:00 / United States - New York

Today I walked in on my 89 year old father masturbating to daddy-daughter porn...FML

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By Whitney - / Wednesday 20 March 2019 16:00 /

Today, driving to a conference 2 hours away a giant piece of ice fell off a truck and did severe damage to my car hood and busted the front light. The car was a few months old with around 5000 miles on it. FML

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By Dopamin3 - / Wednesday 20 March 2019 12:00 /

Today, to relax from my hefty workload, I took a walk in the nearby countryside to de-stress. It was wonderful - that is, until randomly some bird poo dropped down from the sky straight onto my eyelid... FML

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By "ARISKomuniszt" / Wednesday 20 March 2019 01:00 / United Kingdom - Durham

Today, I was forced to drop out of high school because the Administration withheld online courses from me. I could no longer physically go to school due to mental health issues that led to extreme physical side effects. My girlfriend had the same problem and they let her get her diploma online. FML

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By DeadInside - / Wednesday 20 March 2019 00:00 /

Today at 2:30am i got locked out of my room ,knocked upstairs to get my landlady to give me the spare key.Instead woke up the dogs next door who wanted to kill me so i hid for 5 hours in the enclosed trampoline with some outdoor blankets. They were covered in animal piss. It rained. FML

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By Sleepy - / Tuesday 19 March 2019 20:00 /

Today, I waited 15 minutes at the tram stop to get on the line that stops closer to my destination. Turns out the one I got on didn't do all the stops, and left me where the other line would have left me, only a quarter of an hour earlier. Did I mention it's -3 degrees out tonight?FML

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By "CathyDreamerGR" / Tuesday 19 March 2019 18:00 / Belgium - Brussels

Today I was hanging out with my girlfriend and she kissed me. I was scared and ended up barfing. It was so embarrassing....FML

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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 19 March 2019 11:00 / United States - Dover

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy times, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

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By "wookieewhosshe" - / Tuesday 19 March 2019 13:00 / United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, I texted my friend, "Hey Bro, wanna get KFC" but my f'ing phone auto-corrected to "afro, wanna get KFC". My friend is black. FML

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By Mushman - / Tuesday 19 March 2019 02:00 /

Today, is 2 days away from my 4 year anniversary with my bf. It is also the 16th day of my period... it doesn’t seem to be slowing down at all. Thanks Birth control... FML

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By Sasay - / Monday 18 March 2019 22:00 /

FML

Nearly

Today... I realized that I’ve consistently been ghosted by every guy that I’ve had decent conversations with in the past month ...FML

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Today, I told my parents that I don’t plan on going to college. Later on I found out that they plan on giving my college funds they saved up to my older...

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Canada

Today, my girlfriend kept texting me while I was at work, insisting for hours that I leave early because she was so horny. After arguing with my boss and...

Australia

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?"...

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Spicy

Today I found out why my inlaws hate me so much. Apparently my husband told his brother, who then told the entire family, he caught me cheating a while...

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Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we...

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