Miscellaneous: Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My... - FML

By Noname - 16/03/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438 374

You deserved it 103 075

Leave us alone

Alexa, play "Panic" by The Smiths

A slight hiccup

By tkoester - 29/08/2015 04:29 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 910

You deserved it 1 553

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 940

You deserved it 13 921

Observational Comedy 101

By Blue_belle - 19/10/2019 04:00

Today, I was wearing a cute black dungaree dress with a purple top underneath. I thought I looked pretty good, until my son told me I looked like an evil Minion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 295

By Anonymous - 24/02/2017 03:00 - Finland

Today, my sad ass got walked in on by a relative while I was having an imaginary conversation, with an imaginary friend, and I was talking out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 062

You deserved it 2 241

By j4 - 19/12/2014 23:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my date mugged me, just minutes after I paid our bill at the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 488

You deserved it 2 944

Burn out

By ShitOuttaLuck - 02/10/2021 20:00

Today, I'm dead on my feet after being awake since 1AM with the baby. I begged my wife to watch both the baby and our four year-old for an hour while I napped. She refused, and instead said she needed a rest more. Her reason? “I might need to do a shit later.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 138

Inappropriate crush

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 17:00

Today, a week after my 10-year anniversary, I realized I've somehow been roped into hosting my husband's crush's birthday party with all their friends. My gift to myself was a $60 bottle of whiskey that won't arrive in time to help me with my debilitating social anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 348

You deserved it 320

By Creep - 15/07/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, I discovered my new plug-in air freshener smells exactly like my ex-boyfriend's cologne. My friends noticed this, and nobody will believe me when I say it smelled different on the scratch-and-sniff. Now I'm considered a creep. A nostalgic, obsessed creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 696

You deserved it 6 067

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 05:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 390

You deserved it 72 203

By Concussed - 17/01/2010 06:22 - Australia

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 614

You deserved it 6 039

By FastFoodWaiter - 03/09/2012 23:43 - United States - Saukville

Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 255

You deserved it 1 936

By dracer - 04/02/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years who I helped through drug rehab and find employment in my office left me for someone else. His explanation was that now that his "head is not clouded with chemicals" and he "makes decent money", he wants to settle down with someone worthy of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 849

You deserved it 3 950

By Anonymous - 25/03/2014 02:11 - United States - Pratt

Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 443

You deserved it 10 686

By Mike - 25/04/2011 21:39

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 674

You deserved it 6 379

By markderanjer - 04/11/2012 00:37 - United Kingdom - Ealing

Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 045

You deserved it 3 409

Assumptions

By Martin s - 08/05/2021 01:59 - United States - Manahawkin

Today, I saw the crazy meth guy, who randomly rolls up on you on his bike and tells you how he met Jesus, leading a little boy behind a church. After I made sure nothing weird was happening, I reported it to the police and posted a status to warn parents on Facebook, I found it was actually his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 862

The customer is sometimes devious

By dontgivemechecks - 16/03/2020 14:00

Today, I found out that I accidentally returned a customer her $147 check she had written out to pay for her groceries and receive cash back. The lady got free groceries and money, and I'm now losing my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 633

By sprocket - 28/02/2009 18:55 - Hong Kong

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year, "Why is someone as smart, funny and as handsome as you with someone like me?" He replied, "Opposites attract." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 005

You deserved it 28 904

By medosin - 21/05/2012 12:10 - Austria

Today, I went into Whole Foods asking if they carried a supplement called Carnosine. The girl assisting me had no idea what it was, but asked, "Is this for weight loss?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 273

You deserved it 4 567

By bluebride - 03/02/2010 17:58 - United States

Today, I got married. My mother told me to stop being difficult, because she was the mother of the bride, and it was her day to shine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 671

You deserved it 3 023

By brokenarm - 03/03/2010 16:46 - Germany

Today, I went to the pharmacy and asked the very attractive pharmacist what to do about the terrible itching under my cast. She told me to be a man and deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 895

You deserved it 7 888

By Anonymous - 13/01/2010 01:39 - United States

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 132

You deserved it 2 696

Not mine!

By Anonymous - 21/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend wished me a happy birthday. Too bad my birthday isn't for 5 months. She mixed up my birthday with the guy she's been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 553

You deserved it 216

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 383

You deserved it 45 798

By GirlinGreen - 30/04/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 277

You deserved it 18 470

By Anonymous - 18/02/2011 07:35 - Canada

Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 744

You deserved it 4 821

By Anonymous - 06/10/2009 00:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had not choice but to poop himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he pooped in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 323

You deserved it 5 351

By fml_for_real - 04/02/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to ravish me. He told me he would rather play PS3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 190

You deserved it 6 887

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 23:24 - Canada

Today, I finally had enough money to buy my girlfriend an engagement ring, which I was going to pick up after work. On my way to work, I slid on the ice and crashed into a parked vehicle. The damage to my car is almost twice the amount of the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 658

You deserved it 3 560

By bridetobe - 22/07/2011 04:23 - United States

Today, I am sitting at home, alone, playing video games. My wedding is tomorrow afternoon. None of my bridesmaids wanted to hang out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 523

You deserved it 4 823

By Jennyfromdablock - 31/12/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I was making out with a really hot guy in a Jacuzzi. He had the biggest booger hanging out of his nostril, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He went in for a kiss. Soon after our lips parted, he said, "Oh, you have big booger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 880

You deserved it 36 245

By Checkless chick - 08/05/2013 22:21 - United States

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 084

You deserved it 54 376

Almost father

By Anonymous - 12/02/2020 14:00 - United States

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 172

You deserved it 109 109

By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 041

You deserved it 13 799

Alexa, fuck off

By GoogleOFF - 07/07/2020 08:08

Today, my Google Home decided the TV told it to play 'Despacito'. It didn't. Google then decided I wasn't yelling at it to turn it off. I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 325

Cougar

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 02:08 - Canada

Today, I was at the laundromat doing laundry with my mom when the guy running the place asked if we were "together". I thought this was just because of Covid and social distancing, but it turns out he thought my mom was my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 60

By Hello condoms and lube - 09/02/2016 21:53 - United Kingdom - Lewes

Today, I learnt what my boss meant when he said he would 'get his revenge on me' for winning a bet. I have to clean all the rooms that currently have a couple staying in it on February 15th. I don't want to work in a hotel anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 967

You deserved it 1 659

RIP

By widow - 19/10/2010 22:58 - United States

Today, I received two cards in the mail for my late husband for his birthday. He has been dead for four years now, and the cards were from our two children, who live several states away. This is the fourth time it's happened, and neither of them answer my calls. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 341

You deserved it 3 773

By Anna - 06/04/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 508

You deserved it 64 584

Secret life

By Anonymous - 06/08/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, the phone rang, it was some woman who wanted to speak to my dad. “It’s probably his mistress,” I said jokingly. Turns out it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 166

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Monday 16 March 2009 16:04

That must be equally embarrassing for him.

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Monday 16 March 2009 16:25

Obviously you assumed you could just get in because your daddy works there and probably didn't try to do well in high school. Your loss.

Comments

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Monday 16 March 2009 16:04

That must be equally embarrassing for him.

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Monday 19 October 2009 7:34

Think he could get me in for grad school?

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Wednesday 12 May 2010 22:55

I agree with #1...OP YDI for thinking u could get in just cuz ur daddy works there

Thabb 0

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Sunday 16 May 2010 5:29

Woohoo, another spoiled brat who thinks just because their parents were successful they'll be too!

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Thursday 7 October 2010 0:28

just becuase youre dad works there doesnt mean you deserve to go there, if youre not qualified, you should be rejected, he did the right thing.

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Saturday 9 April 2011 20:14

im from massachusetts and i got accepted there

WishIwasCreative 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 11:31

true that!!

TheBitchOfChuckN 7

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Tuesday 9 August 2011 9:51

YDI for putting this as an FML. It would've been fine without the dad part though. Just because he's high up on the food chain doesn't mean you should expect a free ride through.

eb0ny 15

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 7:33

I'm with 1 on this. so much. It's NOT like he's entitled to let you in just because you're his daughter!

thatghostdude 9

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 6:04

You must really suck.

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Thursday 14 August 2014 6:39

#199 she isn't unreasonable for thinking that, my grandpa is getting brother into boden in one phone call.

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Wednesday 26 November 2014 20:17

GO HUSKIES Were going to win the apple cup and your dad is AWESOME I Iive in Seattle near udub

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Monday 16 March 2009 16:05

Maybe your dad hates nepotism, or doesnt want anyone at his work to think that he would take part in nepotism. In any case I'm sure you will get in somewhere, and all your dreams will come true.

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Sunday 4 July 2010 18:33

no

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Saturday 26 March 2011 16:33

just shut up please

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Sunday 24 July 2011 15:25

"and all your dreams will come true" lmfao are you fuckin walt disney bro?

AngryCanadian 0

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Thursday 28 July 2011 21:55

Ever stop to think OP might just be a shitty student whose only chance of getting into a good university is nepotism?

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Friday 5 August 2011 0:17

Ever stop to think the dude was being sarcastic, guys?

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Tuesday 26 June 2012 6:27

Nigga you high op is obviously a shitty student

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Monday 16 March 2009 16:12

well, considering the fact that it's a board decision, i don't think this one is really f***ed.

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Friday 8 July 2011 6:06

well she can't expect her dad to let her in just because they're related...

liketenpandas 6

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Sunday 18 May 2014 6:49

if theres enough money trading hands then sadly it does work that way...

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Monday 16 March 2009 16:13

Ouch. Burn

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 4:46

Well you know your stupid when your dad doesn't think you should get into a university he works at

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Monday 16 March 2009 16:16

What, you expect special treatment because your dad is on the board of directors? With that attitude I'm guessing it's just as well you didn't get in or you'd be running to him like a child every time another professor reprimanded you. Idiot.

Yuuhi 0

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Monday 16 March 2009 16:17

yeah i totally think that's the reason you didn't get in...cuz of your dad....

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Monday 14 November 2011 9:00

good point

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Monday 16 March 2009 16:19

you must be really stupid then... Now a story I would go share around...later retard

Jester epic_151 11

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Sunday 18 June 2017 0:11

If you're going to call someone a retard, can you at least spell correctly?

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Monday 16 March 2009 16:21

Aw, that's too bad. I hear UW's been rejecting a lot of applicants, though, since they get so many every quarter. Western Washington University is a great school, might try applying there. www.wwu.edu

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Friday 22 February 2013 5:01

As someone applying to UW, this is the last thing I wanted to hear.

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Monday 16 March 2009 16:25

Obviously you assumed you could just get in because your daddy works there and probably didn't try to do well in high school. Your loss.

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Monday 14 March 2016 6:40

That's exactly what I thought.

Dr_Awesome654 24

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Saturday 16 July 2016 21:10

You can't just assume that, it just makes it bad

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Monday 16 March 2009 16:28

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Monday 31 March 2014 5:12

Obviously OP is not a scholar if she didn't get into college..

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 135

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 301