Friends, the best funniest jokes

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Today, after I supported my friends through heartbreak, had long conversations at 4 a.m., stayed late at work to help through breakdowns, I finally broke after a series of bad experiences. I decided to reach out. All I got was, "lol that sucks", "Oh, would you believe the week I had" or simply no response. FML

By HelpStrandedOnShittyPlanet - 8/5/2021 20:08

Good friends

939

Today, it's my best friend's birthday. She went missing almost five years ago. My parents tell me to just "get over it", as if missing her is wrong. FML

By HerNameWasRose - 6/5/2021 11:01

Missing BFF

1236

Today, I was asking my best friend to tell me all the boys she’d had sex with, because I thought she had slept with my boyfriend. She accidentally said my dad. FML

By Anonymous - 6/5/2021 07:01 - United Kingdom - Dewsbury

Whoops

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Today, my only friend confessed she loved me, but I’m not a lesbian so I had to let her down. Apparently she thought I was a lesbian too, so she ran away mortified. I just got a text that she can’t see me anymore, because it’s too painful. I have no relatives and now no friends. I’m totally alone. FML

By Anonymous - 5/5/2021 22:05

She'll come around

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Today, after years of crushing over my best friend, I finally got the guts to tell her about my feelings, only to find out she has been secretly dating my roommate. I could not have been more depressed. My whole life feels shattered. FML

By Anonymous - 4/5/2021 11:01

Sad news

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Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML

By Anonymous - 4/5/2021 04:01

Conundrum

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Today, I was at a friend’s birthday party. I slipped and fell onto the table of presents, knocking each one of them over, pulling a muscle in the process. My friend bitched me out for not being careful and “ruining” his presents. I got kicked out. FML

By Cara - 2/5/2021 23:01

I bet you're fun at parties

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Today, my friend got an engagement ring. She’s been with her boyfriend for 2 years and it started as a one-night stand. Whenever I have one-night stands, the only thing I get is left on "read". FML

By GinaD - 2/5/2021 11:01

Lonely

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Today, someone left their drug bag on the table in the lounge at my place, probably a friend, and probably a mistake. The next minute the cops knock on the door and force their way in. Immediately the cop spots the drug bag and cuffs me. It wasn't even my bag. FML

By Katelyn_Louise - 1/5/2021 10:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Possession

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Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

By Enrique - 29/4/2021 23:01

That's quite a gamble, sir

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Today, I told my sister I felt like her friends didn't like me, since they were ignoring my questions, opinions, etc., in the bridesmaids' chat, but were all over each other's messages. She kicked me from her bridal party, saying her friends wouldn't want me at the bridal shower and bachelorette party. FML

By Anonymous - 29/4/2021 10:58

Bridezilla strikes again

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Today, I realised I get really attached to characters in long-running TV shows, because I have no friends. FML

By Anonymous - 24/4/2021 16:00 - Australia - Croydon

Works with podcasts as well

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Today, I found out why I’ve been covering most of the bills and the rent. Turns out my boyfriend is paying a very expensive OnlyFans subscription for his female bestie. When I confronted him about it, he responded by yelling, “It’s not like that!” and punched our glass patio door, shattering it. FML

By Anonymous - 22/4/2021 11:01

Suspicious

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Today, I found out why the group chat I was in with my friends has been dead. Apparently, they made a group chat without me in it, so that they could make fun of me behind my back. FML

By Notwanted - 20/4/2021 17:00

Where d'you all go?

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Today, my boyfriend is spending a lot of time hyping up his female best friend who is participating in a modeling competition, trying to get her to win. When I asked this guy to help support my small business, he said he, “didn’t have time” to. FML

By Liisaz34 - 18/4/2021 00:30

Sounds fishy

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Today, a "friend" of mine told everyone that I had a crush on a girl I used to be really good friends with 2 years ago. I never liked her that way, and had said that only to hide the fact that I'm gay and don't feel safe with boys. Her current boyfriend is seriously annoyed with me. FML

By KeEp.iT.A.SeCrEt - 17/4/2021 02:00

Not coming out yet, sorry

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Today, my friend won’t pay me back the money I lent her. I stupidly lent her $1200. She’s calling me an “inconsiderate bitch” because I “have a good paying job, I’ll be alright.” FML

By Taty - 14/4/2021 14:00

Neither a borrower nor a lender be

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Today, it's been two weeks since my girlfriend of many years and I decided to take a short break from each other. We'd been fighting a lot and felt like some space would help the situation. I found out today that, at some point during those two weeks, she decided to go and have sex with my (now ex) best friend. FML

By Anonymous - 13/4/2021 17:01

We were on a break!

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Today, I was given my Covid-19 test results after a friend and I went to take one. I had been sneezing and having fevers lately, and out of solidarity, my friend also took the test to give me the courage to do so. I tested negative, but my friend didn't. FML

By How could the fuck I know? - 12/4/2021 17:00

Sorry, friend

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Today, I finally got to experience being loved, or at least what it looks like. I paid for a fabulous wedding in a video game with a reluctant friend, who only agreed after I explained all the free costumes, pets, and other items he'd receive. FML

By Aaron - 12/4/2021 07:59

Second Life

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Today, I spent an hour and twenty minutes throwing up at a toilet from a shopping mall because I ate rotten food without realizing it. At least during that time I made two new friends, a gay couple who were making out in the next toilet cubicle. FML

By Vomitron - 2/4/2021 00:30

Let it all out

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Today, my friend informed me that I’m not moving in with him anymore that his sister is taking my place. Unfortunately, I'd finally gathered the money and a car to move out of state with him. Just when I thought I was going to get away from this hellhole, I’m sinking further into never leaving. FML

By Lexxxiii - 26/3/2021 11:01

Stuck

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Today, I got fired from my job after I wouldn’t lend my friend $1000. How? She retaliated by taking time out of her hands to compile screenshots of all my Facebook posts about talking shit about my boss and coworkers and e-mailing them to our corporate e-mail. FML

By Anonymous - 26/3/2021 02:02

Some friend

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Today, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with his girl bestie for 4 years. I also found out he's been having threesomes with his male bestie. Both people have been around me and my family this entire time. We've been married for 15 years. Joke's on me. FML

By Katlego Maduma - 23/3/2021 22:59

Sneaking around

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Today, my fiancé told me that I need to get out of house and be with my friends. I have no friends here, and my own family doesn’t ever want to go do anything either. I guess I’m not a likable person if even my fiancé is trying to get me out of his hair. FML

By lonely - 22/3/2021 05:01

Can we be friends?

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Today, I went to the beach. My friend decided it would be funny to push me into a bunch of Portuguese Man-O-War jellyfish washed up on the shore. Did you know their tentacles can sting even if they’re dead? FML

By Ouchies - 18/3/2021 17:01

Now you know

1023

Today, I was saying goodbye to all my close friends before I move out of state. I'd made plans with one friend in particular to meet up before I move away; he didn't bother to respond to my message or calls. Guess I confused a coworker for a friend, huh? FML

By MartinGitGud - 13/3/2021 08:01

Real friends

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Today, the only person I know that ever traveled with me told me he doesn't enjoy the experience and thinks I'm an asshole, so I don't have a travel buddy any more. Every affordable trip requires two people. FML

By Anonymous - 11/3/2021 00:30

Don't be an asshole

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Today, it's my birthday. With all the lockdowns and curfews, my inner introvert was looking forward to enjoying a delicious meal and a bottle or two of wine by myself. My friends had other plans, namely a surprise Zoom party. Nice thought, I'm grateful for my friends, but I hate using Zoom. It went on for three hours. FML

By Ungrateful Guy - 10/3/2021 08:01

Birthday blues

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