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By thatsucks - United Kingdom
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1283716
You deserved it
142385
69 Comments
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By Mick - United States
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
I agree, your life sucks
860194
You deserved it
94257
786 Comments
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By meteorbabe0101 - United States
Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks
795844
You deserved it
65372
924 Comments
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By KAAALIS - United States
  Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks
735916
You deserved it
493503
1378 Comments
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By caroline - United States
  Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks
717096
You deserved it
66635
15 Comments
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By bittersweet - United States
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML
I agree, your life sucks
660006
You deserved it
71673
6 Comments
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By RC3Welly - United States
  Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks
634925
You deserved it
794038
28 Comments
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By gentileman - United States
  Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML
I agree, your life sucks
587990
You deserved it
99687
4 Comments
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By thankskimi - United States
Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML
I agree, your life sucks
565501
You deserved it
40117
612 Comments
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By The Sbeak - United States
  Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks
554876
You deserved it
45246
8 Comments
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By misc - United States
  Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks
551363
You deserved it
46749
12 Comments
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By soontobedivorced - United States
  Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks
541592
You deserved it
34881
486 Comments
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By Noname - Canada
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks
535537
You deserved it
52906
522 Comments
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By Anonymous - United States
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks
522145
You deserved it
36761
4 Comments
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By Noname - United States
  Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML
I agree, your life sucks
486308
You deserved it
106182
11 Comments
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By catlady1989 - United States
Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bear to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML
I agree, your life sucks
478403
You deserved it
70191
157 Comments
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catlady1989 tells us more :
You people are so cruel. They were indentical except collar color. I said which one and he still messed up. My normal vet was closed because of Mothers day so the pound was the one to do it. I can't believe some of the things you people are saying... it is so hurtful... and both my cats did end up being put down...
By rebekah - United States
Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML
I agree, your life sucks
461539
You deserved it
76808
494 Comments
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By Noname - United States
Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML
I agree, your life sucks
438013
You deserved it
102873
342 Comments
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By jilted - United States
  Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks
431465
You deserved it
46482
4 Comments
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By ScoobieDoo - United States
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks
425647
You deserved it
66478
9 Comments
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By Anonymous - United States
Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks
411567
You deserved it
21680
465 Comments
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By creepermagnet - United States
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks
397969
You deserved it
45822
909 Comments
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creepermagnet tells us more :
Let me tell you the rest of the story: this actually happened a couple months ago, but I just discovered this site. First off, there was NO second date. My God. Right after he said that, I told him I wanted to go home (he had driven, and I didn't have a car or any way to get home). He then asked if I wanted to go to the woods so he could "do things to me." I told him no, going home...
By Noname - United States
Today, while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. He told me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women's restroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female. FML
I agree, your life sucks
382539
You deserved it
35959
299 Comments
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By loser - United States
Today, my fiancée broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML
I agree, your life sucks
367433
You deserved it
32568
279 Comments
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By hannah - United Kingdom
Today, my boyfriend of 17 months, the first guy to tell me he loves me, the guy I lost my virginity to, the only guy whose parents I've met, told me we should stop 'hooking up' because it's weird that I was telling everyone we were a couple and it was ruining his chances of finding a girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks
353450
You deserved it
37645
428 Comments
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hannah321 tells us more :
hi, i'm the girl who wrote this originally (i've since got an account so changed my name- maybe some people won't believe that but whatever) and i just want to say in response to some people that it was VERY clear on both sides that we were a couple, we were not friends with privileges.. also i am not a stalker, i just wanted to specify exactly how long we'd been together because it emphasises just...
By mehdi
Today, I woke up and switched on the TV. The first thing I saw was a picture of a wanted rapist, who looks just like me. I'm afraid to leave home. FML
I agree, your life sucks
326085
Phew, glad it wasn't me
33634
294 Comments
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By maxthndr - United States
Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML
I agree, your life sucks
323383
You deserved it
38767
2 Comments
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By hahahehehohohoo - United States
Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML
I agree, your life sucks
322942
You deserved it
58373
221 Comments
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By GuitarChick42 - United States
  Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML
I agree, your life sucks
320153
You deserved it
22843
381 Comments
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By Angelofkarma - United Kingdom
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks
313998
You deserved it
172925
803 Comments
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Next
Nearly  
Today I kicked our cat. And realized, the thing about cats is: They have no concept of the fact that humans cannot see them in the dark. FML
I agree, your life sucks
12
You deserved it
17
0 Comments
Today my therapist tells me to keep a list of things I am thankful for. The only thing I can come up with, that I am genuinely thankful for, is the fact...
I agree, your life sucks
40
You deserved it
6
1 Comments
See all the Nearly FMLs
  Spicy
  Today, my fiance told me that his father would need to check my hymen is intact to ensure I'm pure before we get married. This is a new one. FML
I agree, your life sucks
497
You deserved it
54
10 Comments
  Today, we're in the middle of a contagious deadly pandemic, and despite not having physical/sexual contact with anyone in over a year, I managed to contract...
I agree, your life sucks
572
You deserved it
50
2 Comments
See all the Spicy FMLs

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