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By DumbAndYoung - 26/08/2014 04:17 - United States - Glenpool

Today, I had to go to a public restroom. I have anxiety problems and can't go unless I'm the only one in the room. Another girl came in right after me, and I was waiting for her to leave. She was also waiting. After a while, I left first and had to hold my pee for a few more hours. FML

agreeclassic 34 174

vote type 1 11 331

DumbAndYoung app_comment_confession_title

DumbAndYoung 30

Tuesday 26 August 2014 19:59

OP here, I can't believe this got posted! First of all, I was at school when this happened, I went during lunch. I left when lunch was about over and I had to go to class. I know I need to overcome my fears, I've been this way for a long time. I'm also very shy. I don't usually tell people about it because they just think it's pathetic or stupid. My anxiety influences actions I make on a daily basis, and it sucks. I appreciate the sympathy, and the tips! I'll definitely keep trying to overcome it.

By SoVeryMonday - 30/11/2009 18:01 - Canada

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

agreeclassic 34 172

vote type 1 9 532

By condiments - 22/02/2010 21:13 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

agreeclassic 34 171

vote type 1 3 067

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 00:10 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

agreeclassic 34 170

vote type 1 5 998

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, my friend found a picture of herself on a website filled with pictures of thin people. I was in the picture, also. I was crossed-out with the word, "EWW" written next to me. FML

agreeclassic 34 170

vote type 1 4 328

What a surprise!

By damnit. - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we are training to make it less awkward for them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 34 169

vote type 1 1 997

By EverettA - 11/09/2015 13:50 - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my "friends" pulled an elaborate prank on me. First, they changed my ringtone to a recording of someone saying "Allahu Akbar" on repeat. Then, they called me as we had a moment of silence in honor of the 9/11 victims. FML

agreeclassic 34 169

vote type 1 3 000

By Nickolas Neffster - 05/10/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

agreeclassic 34 168

vote type 1 3 116

By Maddy - 10/03/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

agreeclassic 34 165

vote type 1 5 001

By surprise - 11/12/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, I was getting ready to go to a surprise party I'd planned for my best friend. All was going well on the discretion part until I logged onto Facebook. I saw that my sister had set her status to, "At Natalie's surprise party! BBL!" Natalie had liked it. FML

agreeclassic 34 163

vote type 1 3 299

By jessefonsexy. - 07/12/2010 11:08 - United States

Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML

agreeclassic 34 163

vote type 1 2 780

By Smile No More - 13/05/2011 12:27

Today, I was wondering why I was getting strange looks all day at work. When I got to a mirror after my shift, I noticed a booger hanging out of my nose, which was visible only when I smiled. My job involves greeting people all day with a huge smile. FML

agreeclassic 34 162

vote type 1 5 977

By vacationless - 05/02/2013 19:35 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, I finished booking the non-refundable cruise for my wife and I to the Bahamas. I did this after confirming once again that my mother could take care of our son while we're away. An hour after I paid, she called back saying she mistook the dates and can't do it anymore. FML

agreeclassic 34 162

vote type 1 2 666

By MegasaurusRex89 - 18/10/2014 00:04 - United States - Daly City

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

agreeclassic 34 162

vote type 1 7 755

MegasaurusRex89 app_comment_confession_title

MegasaurusRex89 28

Saturday 18 October 2014 21:55

I did run, but I stopped when I saw another squirrel looking at me and that's when the first one caught up. Greedy and determined little bastards I tell ya! (I'm OP, by the way... And a girl.)

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

agreeclassic 34 161

vote type 1 11 231

By goldfish - 06/03/2012 02:47 - Canada

Today, I came home to an eviction notice after an apartment inspection. The reason? Having an unauthorized pet that could cause unnecessary damage to my suite. My pet is a goldfish. FML

agreeclassic 34 161

vote type 1 3 903

I've got the hots for you

By Jarman - 26/07/2012 05:39 - United States - Columbus

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

agreeclassic 34 159

vote type 1 5 917

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 13:49 - United States

Today, I was shopping at the grocery market and was next in line. Behind me was a woman who only had two items, so I nicely let her in front of me, as it looked like she was in a hurry. When she was all rung up, she decided to pay her $16.45 in loose change which needed to be counted out. FML

agreeclassic 34 158

vote type 1 6 226

By sucker - 26/09/2012 17:07 - United States - Milton

Today, after months of believing my marriage has been better than ever, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with our neighbor. I can't afford to move, and I have to see the fake-titted homewrecker every day. FML

agreeclassic 34 158

vote type 1 2 500

By fullalove - 10/12/2014 18:34 - United States

Today, my husband sent me a link to an article titled "5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage." FML

agreeclassic 34 158

vote type 1 7 808

fullalove app_comment_confession_title

fullalove 23

Thursday 11 December 2014 1:46

Hey guys. Let me start off by saying how excited I am that I got published! Obviously there is a story behind fml. My husband and I have been together since I was 14, and married since 19 (I'm 21 right now). We have No problems communicating with each other, but we just recently lost a set of twins, which has been really hard on both of us. We have both been dealing with it in our own way, and at times it feels it is tearing us apart. We both have sat down and attempted to work things out together, but at the moment it feel as if nothing will ever be the same. I have shut him out from time to time, which I definitely have tried not to do, but sometimes it feels as if I need to work things out with myself. As for the article, him and I got into it this morning, and I left for work angry. When I got off, I turned on my phone to see the link, which I clicked to the unfortunate page. I did read through it, and it's sad to say I was guilty of a few. I will be working on myself, because I love my husband, and I don't want this tragic event to be the end of us.

By youonlyneed2squares - 24/09/2014 04:10

Today, as I was lying in my bed eating my dinner, my roommate said to me, "I don't know how to say this, but we need more towels. The room is flooding." FML

agreeclassic 34 158

vote type 1 2 939