Weddings, the best funniest jokes

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Today, my fiancé told a priest on the bus to fuck off, because he was annoying her with all his God talk. She didn’t know the priest had been our family's priest for the past 40 years, the guy we were supposed to talk to about our wedding next year. Guess that’s not happening now. FML

By Anonymous - 19/7/2021 22:01

Cool your jets

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Today, I found out my fiancé has been sexting my friend for about a month. I've already paid for our wedding, which was supposed to be next week. FML

By Anonymous - 12/7/2021 08:01

Betrayal

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Today, we gave my in-laws-to-be our wedding invitations. Their first reaction was to assume we needed money and told us they couldn't help pay for the wedding. Their second move was to book hair and make-up for themselves. Congratulations? FML

By sarsuela - 8/7/2021 04:01

The main characters

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Today, my now ex-fiancé walked out on me on our wedding day. He decided his best female friend, whom he constantly told me not to worry about while we were together, is his "soulmate." Both of them ran away together to god knows where, while I stood there humiliated in front of our family and friends. FML

By Gigi - 2/7/2021 13:59

That went well

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Today, my stepfather-to-be yelled at me, insisting I take my nose piercing out, because it will "ruin the wedding photos" since I'm a bridesmaid. It's a tiny diamante stud, no bigger than a small pinhead. He then went on a rant about how I need to respect his authority in the family. I'm 25. FML

By Anonymous - 30/6/2021 22:01 - Australia - Thornleigh

Hold frame

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Today, I gave a toast at my friend's wedding. When I said, "Everybody raise your glasses," an industrial fan went off and blew my dress over my head. Now, people won't stop talking about how my "blue granny panties" didn't match my dress. FML

By Anonymous - 29/6/2021 16:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Toasted

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Today, I missed going to my boyfriend's stepsister's wedding. I would have been meeting my boyfriend's mom for the first time; now she doesn't like me. She figured I could just "tough it out". I have a chronic health condition and haven't been able to eat or get out of bed. FML

By Anonymous - 20/5/2021 19:59 - United States - Bergenfield

Weddings blow

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Today, I told my sister I felt like her friends didn't like me, since they were ignoring my questions, opinions, etc., in the bridesmaids' chat, but were all over each other's messages. She kicked me from her bridal party, saying her friends wouldn't want me at the bridal shower and bachelorette party. FML

By Anonymous - 29/4/2021 10:58

Bridezilla strikes again

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Today, after 9 years of loveless marriage, my wife confided in me that she was always an introvert and depressed person, but pretended to be outgoing and fun loving with me up until our marriage, so she could marry me just to lift herself up from low class to high class society. FML

By Anonymous - 24/4/2021 11:01 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Playing the long game

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Today, my fiancé decided that we shouldn't have sex before we get married. Even though we've been doing it for years. We can't get married right now due to Covid. FML

By Anonymous - 23/4/2021 23:01

Denied

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Today, a year after I moved out with no contact since, my former housemates texted me out of the blue to tell me I'm not invited to their wedding. Seems she thought I'd just turn up and "embarrass" myself. I never indicated that I intended or even wanted to go. FML

By Anonymous - 14/4/2021 23:03

Preventive measures

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Today, my younger brother got in engaged. When we had a conversation about the wedding, he asked why the hell would I be involved with any of it! He used to be my best friend. I don’t know what happened. FML

By Anonymous - 4/4/2021 14:00

What about me?

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Today, at noon, I'm marrying the love of my life. It's 4 a.m. and I can't stop vomiting and shitting. FML

By Vombride - 16/3/2021 08:00

Not now!

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Today, I went in to pick my wedding dress. My fiancé's ex-girlfriend was my consultant. She basically hinted that I looked fat in every dress. FML

By Bride - 25/2/2021 23:00 - New Zealand

Shush

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Today, while looking through the newspaper, I saw that my sister got married a couple weeks ago. Not only did she not invite me, she "forgot" to mention it yesterday while we were having lunch. FML

By Anonymous - 22/2/2021 21:30 - United States

Outcast

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Today, my fiancée called off our wedding out of the blue. After a long discussion about it, it turns out that last week I voiced an opinion about the wedding she didn’t agree with, and doesn’t want to spend her life married to someone who’s going to argue with her every five minutes. FML

By Bullet dodged - 20/2/2021 00:59 - United Kingdom

Get out while you still can

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Today, I got married to my girlfriend of three years. Her mother's Alzheimer's came into play at the wedding when she asked who I was. My bride-to-be couldn't stop crying. FML

By Firefighter Groom - 7/2/2021 23:01

And you are?

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Today, I spent an hour listening to my mother-in-law go over the details of how happy my husband was at his wedding, while she went through the photo album and stared at the pictures. The wedding with his first wife. I spend several days each month with her taking care of her, and she does this kind of thing every time. FML

By Anonymous - 5/2/2021 11:01

Dementia or hate? You decide

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Today, I dreamed that I got so nervous during a toast at my friend's wedding that I pissed myself. To coax myself to wake up, I took off my dress, stripped down to my underwear, and pinched myself. I wasn't dreaming. FML

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Rockaway Park

Wedding of the year

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Today, my best friend's parents posted her wedding date on Facebook. My best friend got engaged a few months after I did. The only wedding plan I have come up with so far is a Fall 2022 wedding. My best friend is also planning a Fall 2022 wedding. FML

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 13:58

Bad timing

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Today, one of my fiancé's groomsmen is an alcoholic, and my fiance is in denial about it. He's a nice guy when sober, but belligerent, disrespectful and out of control when drinking. My fiancé refuses to acknowledge my anxiety at having him in our wedding with an open bar. FML

By SleeplessinNJ - 10/12/2020 05:01 - United States - Raritan

Bad Moon Rising

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Today, after my sister's wedding, a bunch of people were dancing. I noticed my grandma sitting alone and looking sad. My grandpa died last month, so feeling bad for her, I asked if she'd like to dance with me. She seemed a lot happier, until I accidentally caused her to fall and break her arm. FML

By JT. - Luxembourg

You tried

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Today, I rang up a good friend to ask her to be one of the two bridesmaids at my upcoming wedding. Before I could ask, she let me know that she would not be attending my wedding, as, "Weddings are expensive, so I'm not attending ones for people that are just acquaintances." FML

By NeedMoreFriends - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Bye Felicia!

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Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

By Anonymous - United States - Bristol

Don't get it

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Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law who is a little bigger than me. We tried on a similar dress and she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny. Instead of saying, 'No way' or 'It looks great on you', I accidentally said 'Yeah, I know'. FML

By bridezilla - New Zealand - Auckland

Honesty

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Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML

By Ms. Piggy - United States - Clarksville

Quite the catch

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Today, my best friend announced she was getting married. I've always wanted to be a bridesmaid but she then added, "You can't be in the bridal party because you don't have the same body type as the other bridesmaids. But you can still come to the bachelorette party!" FML

By SBCR - United States - Ankeny

Thanks for the input

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Today, at my wedding reception, I jokingly asked my aunt, who has always been convinced that I am gay despite my protests, if she believed me now. She took this the wrong way and drunkenly went around telling my guests that my wedding was a sham to convince her I was straight. FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Unbelievable

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Today, I took my girlfriend of five and a half years to family dinner at a restaurant. After we all had finished dessert, I got down on one knee, pulled out my great grandmother's ring and proposed. The entire restaurant was dead silent. She looked around and then slowly walked out. FML

By Anonymous - United States

Please don't do this

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