Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched...

By SoVeryMonday - Canada

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

No one likes a smart-ass

Age ain't nothing but a number

By sorrystupid - United States

Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML

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By Keastwood013 - United States

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

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By stk - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up at 3am to catch my flight back home, only to realize that my flight was pushed back 14 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - Israel

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

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43789

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By Why Me - United States - Seattle

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Binghamton

Today, I egged my cheating ex’s car. Actually, I should clarify; I egged my cheating ex’s sister’s car, thinking it was his. She gave me a black eye and knocked out two of my teeth while my ex laughed his ass off. FML

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By HairyBoobs - United States

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML

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By drugdealersgf

Today, my boyfriend told me, with complete confidence, that he's selected "drug dealer" as his career of choice. FML

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By LearnToLive

Today, I'm on a trip to Poland with some friends. We came to experience the country's culture, and to challenge our preconceptions about this part of Europe. We had sat on a bench, and not ten seconds later, a stranger approached and asked, "How much for your friend?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML

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By Brilliant... - United Kingdom

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

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By frogdog563

Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML

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By oink oink... - United States - Mason

Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me during a funeral. FML

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52020

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By markderanjer - United Kingdom - Ealing

Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML

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34013

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By surrounded by dumbfucks - United States - Carmel

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

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By OneGirlsLife - United States - Spartanburg

Today, it was supposed to be my birthday dinner with two of my friends. They're both now bringing their boyfriends, so I get to be the fifth wheel to my own birthday dinner. FML

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4792

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got diagnosed with stomach ulcers. They are very painful, and I have been throwing up blood. On my latest trip to the toilet, I was heaving and the pain was making me beat the floor with my fist, the toilet lid decided to come crashing down on my head, giving me a minor concussion. FML

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By fukinnature

Today, I was feeling stressed about some upcoming exams, so I went on a nice relaxing nature walk through the nearby bushland. I slipped off a rock and landed in knee-deep mud that claimed my shoe when I pulled my leg free. I'm even more stressed now. FML

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By Me - United States

Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML

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By Coolkid. - United States

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

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By Benji

Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he was my landlord. FML

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By jusfonzin - United States

Today, I sent a cover letter to a potential employer. In the letter, I talked about my great attention to detail, my strong ability to focus, and my stellar writing skills. After hitting send, I reread the letter and noticed that I typed my name "B-R-A-I-N." My name is Brian. FML

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By Morgan - United States

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him "about a dollar?" He said "wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

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By number2 - United States

Today, it hit me that my dad didn't cry when I moved out, he did so only when I came back later to pick up my cat. FML

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By 2old4thiscrap - United States

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

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By icanteven - United States - Florence

Today, one of my employees called in after his 8-hour shift, explaining that he had bed bugs at home, found one on his shirt, and thinks they are in the store. I own a mattress shop. They'd spread. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving my car like any ordinary day. My dad has been harping on me about not checking the oil, so I finally checked it. Driving down the road my hood flew up and shattered my windshield. I forgot to latch my hood after checking the oil. $300 for a new windshield. The oil was fine. FML

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By Carrie - France

Today, I'm a medicine student, it's my sixth year, and I have spent the whole day in surgery. No one dared tell me that what I was wearing on my feet was actually supposed to be put over my hair. Which was embarrassing. FML

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By Anonymous - Israel

Today, my husband told me that he never washes his hands after using the bathroom because he thinks it's only for "paranoid people". FML

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By joeidk - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML

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By amy - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, as I worked as a cashier, two girls came up laughing. I smiled as I rang them up, asking what had made them laugh so hard. One looked me dead in the face and said, "You." They then both walked away, laughing. FML

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By goodstudent - United States

Today, I was supposed to take a test, but the professor didn't have it ready because he went to a concert last night. I sold my own tickets to that very concert in order to study for the test. FML

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By Burning Love - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

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46014

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By Anonymous - United States - San Mateo

Today, my boyfriend gave me a $100 gift card for Victoria's Secret. Suspicious, I checked the receipt he'd left in the bag. Turns out he had bought it during the 2 weeks we were broken up for some other girl who rejected him, so decided to give it to me instead. FML

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29210

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By thanksalot - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that my grandma died, expecting to be comforted. She got mad at me for "stealing her thunder" because her cat died two days ago. FML

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50763

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By _schaden_freude - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML

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30239

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By Mito

Today, we had an impromptu meeting to get to know the new additions to the team. They asked me to introduce myself. I started a year ago. FML

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3507

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By kha - United States

Today, I decided to surprise-visit my grandparents. After knocking on the door and not getting a response, I opened it and walked in. Upon entering their house and yelling, "Hello", as I turned the corner I saw my near-deaf grandmother folding clothes while watching TV. She was topless. FML

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By badizzle

Helmut Newton strikes back

Today, my art teacher fawned over my friend's photographs of random children and people making out, while she called my picture of an old man looking thoughtful on a pier "creepy" and "voyeuristic." FML

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Top comments

By alexandraa_fml | 0

#697300 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:14

Wham! Right in the kisser.

By aback | 4

#697466 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:45

So you waited ten minutes then screamed in his ear, right?

COMMENTS

By alexandraa_fml | 0

#697300 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:14

Wham! Right in the kisser.

avoidthegirl | 6

#697427 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:19

No, no. "POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSA! POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSA! POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSA! POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSA!"

Shall I go on? :D

alexandraa_fml | 0

#697434 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:26

By the time I remembered it was POW instead of WHAM it was too late to edit :,( Sad day.

Reyo | 2

#697456 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:39

Damn you muscle memory! Damn you to hell!

SillyPoop | 0

#698496 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 16:49

Oh my goodnesss...this is a good laugh...but thanks for the warning to people that may rearrarange their bedrooms in the future!

hellokittywhore | 0

#826105 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:51

haha #24 you made my day!! ;) damn you to HELL!!!!!! lmfao

caligurls | 0

#1072762 - Thursday 8 July 2010 3:48

wow feel sorry for people whose girlfriends/boyfriends sleep with other ppl and cheat and are rude and disrespectful (like the dude who was going to surprise his girl on her bday and she was sleeping with someone else) hitting u in the face? ouch. but now as bad as others.

By sLAUGHTERxx | 0

#697307 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:16

Haha #1! I agree with #2...hope you're okay. And this is one of few legit FMLs. FYL. That sounds HORRIBLE. But again, you rearranged your room.

RammerRW | 0

#697582 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 2:05

How is this a "legit" FML? Her boyfriend accidentally hits her face and her life is fucked? Sure, it sucks to be hit in the face, but I'm sure she'll be fine.

By jessxoxo28 | 5

#697323 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:20

LMAO!!! #1

By happyhak | 5

#697334 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:25

YDI for moving ur clock

By rrjr010 | 0

#697335 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:25

That'll teach you to change things!

By kaligirl323 | 0

#697338 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:27

lmfao haha that's funny.

By k43L1 | 0

#697367 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:37

hahahaha!

By jenjen1112 | 0

#697392 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:54

that is like a morning kiss i hope ur face is ok

By Starfire22 | 5

#697396 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:56

Haha lol don't take it personally

By MamaC_fml | 0

#697419 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:15

Aw, honey, he just handed you a guilt trip on a silver platter.

Unless you were the one to insist that sides be switched. Then YDI and a big LOL.