Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched...

By SoVeryMonday - 30/11/2009 18:01 - Canada

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Rock, hard place

Banished

By pandora - 13/6/2012 09:08 - Israel - Palmahim

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

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By Paulshaun1 - 6/10/2016 13:38 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, my mother told me she thinks it is time for me to move into my own place. I agreed with her and went to look at studios/ flats online. She later came into my room, saw me looking at places and then got pissed off at me, saying that I hate her for wanting to leave her. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2012 05:41 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, my boss fired me because he wants to start dating my mother and apparently doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML

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By mudy247 - 27/4/2017 20:00

Today, it took me longer than it should have with a bit of calculations to remember how old I am. FML

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By underachiever - 20/2/2010 07:29 - Australia

Today, while on my graveyard shift at an inner-city backpackers lodge, a drunk pissed in a dorm at 4am. I had to clean up after him, wash all the luggage that got dowsed, clean up 2 separate piles of puke, and help 3 drunken Brits back to their room while they abused me. I have a science degree. FML

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By seriously?? - 4/2/2009 16:06 - United States

Today, I was running to the bus stop to catch the bus. The bus driver smiled, waved, and drove away without letting me get on. FML

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By anonymous - 4/4/2013 22:52 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

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By Nicole - 8/7/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2020 01:00

Not a girl, not yet a woman

Today, I got a very accusatory phone call from my daughter's teacher. According to my daughter, I absolutely refuse to let her eat in the morning. In reality, I told her it’s her responsibility to get herself up and get breakfast on her own before we leave. My daughter is 17 years old. FML

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By The Last Cockbender - 6/10/2012 17:09 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML

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By poorclubgoer - 14/11/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, I decided to go to a club with my friends. I was flattered when an attractive guy started dancing with me. Later, I went to grab my money to pay for my dinner and realized while dancing, the very sneaky man pulled my forty dollars out of my pocket. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2009 17:29 - Australia

Today, whilst I was in a corner deli getting snacks, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to drive the car 50m down the street so that I would be confused when I come out... She was picked up by a cop driving without her license and now my car is impounded for 28 days. FML

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By iloveryanhiga - 5/8/2011 09:27 - United States

Today, my parents woke me up at 4 am and informed me of their impending divorce. They then woke me up again three hours later and told me "never mind". This same routine happens several times a month. FML

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By anne - 7/1/2016 12:00 - Germany

Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML

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By TBaggins00 - 21/6/2009 07:34 - United States

Today, as I was texting a friend, I was going to warm up some cold pizza. As I got finished with a text I put the pizza in the microwave and set the timer. After the timer ran out, I opened the door and smelled burnt plastic. Turns out phones aren't meant to be in the microwave. FML

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By SweptWolf - 6/6/2020 23:02

Doomed

Today, my fiancée handed me her engagement ring back and told me she felt like she's pressuring me into marriage, so to make me feel better about it we’re no longer engaged. On top of this, I found out she’s started talking to her ex again. FML

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By xXEndlesslullabyXx - 5/6/2011 18:15 - United States

Today, my grandmother's excuse for not going to my college graduation was because she'd already bought her bingo card. FML

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By YuckyDuckyLucky - 3/6/2015 17:36 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I attempted to break the record for the heaviest squat in my local gym. A small crowd witnessed me breaking the record as well as releasing a huge fart. FML

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By boo - 16/2/2010 20:46 - United States

Today, I learned the reason they say don't keep your phone in high humidity places. I left my phone on the counter when I went to take a shower. It now won't turn on due to water damage and the warranty doesn't cover it. FML

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By screw_this27 - 1/7/2019 12:00

Today, I received a book about sailboats. I'd ordered a book about makeup. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2009 19:04 - United States

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

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By catt - 17/10/2014 20:12 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML

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By sothatsano - 16/12/2015 08:56 - United States - Spokane

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. At the right moment, I got down on one knee. As I was reaching into my pocket to get the ring, she got so freaked out she kicked me in the face. I chipped a tooth and the ring flew off, and now I can't find it. FML

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By KathleenSchuler - 5/3/2013 03:38 - United States

Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

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By ihateloopholes - 21/6/2015 20:42 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I forbade a student in the writing seminar I instructed from continuing to present his disturbing poems about demons. He responded to this by convincing nearly every other student in the seminar to write and read out loud several of his poems. FML

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By Charity Taylor - 18/10/2019 22:00

Some pain, no gain

Today, after establishing that we have no idea what's wrong with me, only that it's chronic pain, my doctor informed me that even though I've been dealing with increasingly worse symptoms for years, I'm not a "good applicant" for pain medication. FML

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By katurday - 3/11/2009 15:59 - United States

Today, my landlord came over while I wasn't home. My friend and her pets were thrown out by her husband. I'm the only person she knows in this state and she begged me to stay. I reluctantly told her fine; just don't answer the door. She did, with the animals, and told him she was living here. FML

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By Joy - 16/6/2010 14:42 - Denmark

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

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By stabbed with kindness - 2/3/2013 21:44 - Russian Federation - Elektrostal

Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML

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By Ted - 6/6/2019 18:00

Today, I finally felt comfortable enough to fart in front of my boyfriend for the first time. He went quiet, got up and left in his car. I haven't heard from him in 4 hours. FML

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By OopsKid - 30/5/2011 18:14 - France

Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML

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By Anon. - 1/3/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

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By wowimscrewed - 14/4/2011 04:37 - United States

Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she's getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels "harassed". I'm the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML

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By Hair Fail - 22/10/2011 15:32 - United States

Today, I decided I wanted to dye my hair a medium brown. Little did I know, some jerk switched the hair dye boxes. My hair is now bright orange. FML

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By smsmall - 3/10/2011 12:08 - United States

Today, I finally admitted that I have to consider buying a nose hair trimmer. I'm a woman. FML

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By - 26/1/2017 00:00

Today, I'm dating a guy who's back hair is longer than his dick. FML

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By iamgodzilla - 14/5/2015 02:55 - United States - Owings Mills

Today, I got a friend request on Facebook. It's from the person who crashed into my car earlier in the month. It's funny that she doesn't return my calls or messages, but liked my status about the accident. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2018 19:00

Man vs Boy

Today, it was my first day at a new gym, which cost a fortune. Some skinny teen who had clearly never lifted in his life dropped a weight while I was stretching and broke my ankle. Money down the drain. FML

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By pantless - 23/10/2016 09:31 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went to a McDonald's drive-thru in just a shirt and underwear, thinking I wouldn't be seeing anyone. I got into a car crash. FML

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By stupid - 7/7/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML

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Top comments

By alexandraa_fml | 0

#697300 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:14

Wham! Right in the kisser.

By aback | 4

#697466 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:45

So you waited ten minutes then screamed in his ear, right?

COMMENTS

By alexandraa_fml | 0

#697300 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:14

Wham! Right in the kisser.

avoidthegirl | 6

#697427 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:19

No, no. "POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSA! POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSA! POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSA! POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSA!"

Shall I go on? :D

alexandraa_fml | 0

#697434 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:26

By the time I remembered it was POW instead of WHAM it was too late to edit :,( Sad day.

Reyo | 2

#697456 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:39

Damn you muscle memory! Damn you to hell!

SillyPoop | 0

#698496 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 16:49

Oh my goodnesss...this is a good laugh...but thanks for the warning to people that may rearrarange their bedrooms in the future!

hellokittywhore | 0

#826105 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:51

haha #24 you made my day!! ;) damn you to HELL!!!!!! lmfao

caligurls | 0

#1072762 - Thursday 8 July 2010 3:48

wow feel sorry for people whose girlfriends/boyfriends sleep with other ppl and cheat and are rude and disrespectful (like the dude who was going to surprise his girl on her bday and she was sleeping with someone else) hitting u in the face? ouch. but now as bad as others.

By sLAUGHTERxx | 0

#697307 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:16

Haha #1! I agree with #2...hope you're okay. And this is one of few legit FMLs. FYL. That sounds HORRIBLE. But again, you rearranged your room.

RammerRW | 0

#697582 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 2:05

How is this a "legit" FML? Her boyfriend accidentally hits her face and her life is fucked? Sure, it sucks to be hit in the face, but I'm sure she'll be fine.

By jessxoxo28 | 5

#697323 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:20

LMAO!!! #1

By happyhak | 5

#697334 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:25

YDI for moving ur clock

By rrjr010 | 0

#697335 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:25

That'll teach you to change things!

By kaligirl323 | 0

#697338 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:27

lmfao haha that's funny.

By k43L1 | 0

#697367 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:37

hahahaha!

By jenjen1112 | 0

#697392 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:54

that is like a morning kiss i hope ur face is ok

By Starfire22 | 5

#697396 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:56

Haha lol don't take it personally

By MamaC_fml | 0

#697419 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:15

Aw, honey, he just handed you a guilt trip on a silver platter.

Unless you were the one to insist that sides be switched. Then YDI and a big LOL.