Miscellaneous: Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched...

By SoVeryMonday - Canada

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34057

You deserved it

9505

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Serious times

You ass!

Surprise strike

By Allycat - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47040

You deserved it

5087

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-wife crashed my engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38983

You deserved it

4029

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I was at the gym. I'm 360 lbs and have finally decided it's time to change that. Some girl and her two bitch friends thought it'd be fun to follow me and belittle me at everything I did. When I mentioned it to the staff, they said that they were just "encouraging" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34009

You deserved it

2254

Favorite

By sbutler - United States

Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22389

You deserved it

51155

Favorite

By Forever alone - 21/12/2020 17:02 - United States - Hesperia

Sorry…

Today, I was falling in love with the nostalgia of having handwritten love letters and flowers left on my windshield. Turns out my "secret admirer" was just a mean prank conjured up by my coworkers. They laughed. I cried, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1931

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49419

You deserved it

9630

Favorite

By Sean - United States

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7226

You deserved it

53622

Favorite

By Wade - United States

Today, I was sitting under a tree at a park. The dirt felt a little damp, so I assumed it was dew from the night. A homeless man walks over and asks me to move, then starts to pee under the tree, followed by another man. I was sitting in their bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52814

You deserved it

4656

Favorite

By smellymcgee - United States - Farmington

Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13353

You deserved it

776

Favorite

By philip708 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22625

You deserved it

1810

Favorite

By Charles - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer browsing various websites. In my attempt to scoot the chair forward, I hit my knee against the desk that my computer was on, and ended up breaking it. I literally broke my knee sitting on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33450

You deserved it

8254

Favorite

By Wow. Really? - United States - Columbus

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57699

You deserved it

3997

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19123

You deserved it

34489

Favorite

By rachele321

Today, some guy sent a dickpic to my phone. I was disgusted, and wanted to find out who did it. I called the police, and they matched the number to my step father's new cellphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2795

You deserved it

194

Favorite

By mybossisanass - United States

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71970

You deserved it

4674

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I have an incredible fear of butterflies. I discovered this after my mother took me to a butterfly sanctuary for some "mother-daughter bonding time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23513

You deserved it

3730

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/8/2020 02:02

Two sides to every story

Today, my grandpa told me that he and grandma had an open relationship, because, "it isn't satisfying to have sexuality with only one person your whole life.” According to grandma, he just cheated on her constantly and she couldn’t do anything to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1810

You deserved it

121

Favorite

By thanks mom

Today, after 10 years of intense training, I earned a black belt in karate. When I told my mom, she asked how long it took me, then laughed and sarcastically remarked, "Wow. SO impressive," whilst slow-clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3252

You deserved it

308

Favorite

By thismakesmesad - United States

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30290

You deserved it

7538

Favorite

By ScoozieBooze - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12456

You deserved it

32303

Favorite

Today I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said bye to him...only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1404

You deserved it

3576

Favorite

By Kortnie Peterman

Today, my boyfriend and I found out my Nuva ring comes out quite easily, especially when he manages to hook it around the tip of his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3153

You deserved it

436

Favorite

By tgpgs

Today, at work, I spent half an hour on the phone with a customer. At the end of the conversation, as he was putting down the phone, I heard him say 'God, he was a miserable git'. I'm a 28 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25063

You deserved it

3959

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I just found out that my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend are rooming together at college. Visits are going to be extremely awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56396

You deserved it

6722

Favorite

By Not So Smart - Canada

Today, I went to the mall. While shopping in a store, a woman bumped into me numerous times. Getting annoyed, I turned to her and loudly exclaimed, "Are you blind?!" Turns out she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12543

You deserved it

47903

Favorite

By notgoodenough38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me for my sister. I can't stop thinking about all those days they went out alone for "girl time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49529

You deserved it

3850

Favorite

By 3-wheeler - United Kingdom

Today, I left my car in a disreputable area. After picking it up later on, I heard a strange "clonking" sound. The clonking suddenly stopped when my wheel fell off; someone had stolen my wheel nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25293

You deserved it

4416

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28367

You deserved it

5812

Favorite

By Newgenmom - 18/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom

Not for me

Today, I told my husband I might want a baby, so he took me to visit his best friend who has a toddler and we stayed for an hour. I no longer want a baby. I want the pill wrapped in 2 condoms and a joint vasectomy/hysterectomy paid for with my non-baby disposable income, and my husband now has a shit eating grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

565

You deserved it

1036

Favorite

By Arran - United Kingdom

Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24173

You deserved it

32473

Favorite

By AvocadoPurse

Today, my mother-in-law took a phone message on the back of my marriage license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2662

You deserved it

266

Favorite

By LonerCow - United States

Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41519

You deserved it

11593

Favorite

By nose hurts - United States - Richmond

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31375

You deserved it

3447

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25818

You deserved it

2786

Favorite

By Little tears - 2/1/2021 14:05 - United States

Cranking

Today, I was so sad and lonely that I drunkenly masturbated to Game of Thrones scenes featuring Petyr Baelish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

286

You deserved it

704

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I had to explain to my husband why putting on dirty underwear after a shower defeats the purpose. We had this discussion in the middle of me giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32834

You deserved it

9270

Favorite

By fme - United States

Today, I took the family to the Rainforest Café. There was no parking and I detest paying $12 for valet parking. I parked at Wal-Greens across the street in the only spot without a "patrons only, violators will be towed" sign. It was covered by the tree branches. It cost me $225 for the cab and fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11659

You deserved it

44147

Favorite

By jokada - United States

Today, while powerwashing my deck, a bee flew and landed on my leg. Thinking I'd just wash it away before it stings me, I aimed the powerwasher nozzle at the bee. A bee sting isn't nearly as painful as powerwashing your leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13378

You deserved it

84060

Favorite

By AquaKelly - United States - Newark

Today, I set a trap to catch a mouse that ran across my foot. Not only did the trap shut on my finger twice, but I watched the mouse run over the trap without it snapping shut. I guess I have a new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30740

You deserved it

4729

Favorite

By Paige - United States

Today, my parents gave me an iPhone. They then checked my grades online, and promptly took it away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14174

You deserved it

52106

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By alexandraa_fml | 0

#697300 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:14

Wham! Right in the kisser.

By aback | 4

#697466 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:45

So you waited ten minutes then screamed in his ear, right?

COMMENTS

By alexandraa_fml | 0

#697300 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:14

Wham! Right in the kisser.

avoidthegirl | 6

#697427 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:19

No, no. "POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSA! POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSA! POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSA! POW, RIGHT IN THE KISSA!"

Shall I go on? :D

alexandraa_fml | 0

#697434 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:26

By the time I remembered it was POW instead of WHAM it was too late to edit :,( Sad day.

Reyo | 2

#697456 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:39

Damn you muscle memory! Damn you to hell!

SillyPoop | 0

#698496 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 16:49

Oh my goodnesss...this is a good laugh...but thanks for the warning to people that may rearrarange their bedrooms in the future!

hellokittywhore | 0

#826105 - Friday 5 February 2010 2:51

haha #24 you made my day!! ;) damn you to HELL!!!!!! lmfao

caligurls | 0

#1072762 - Thursday 8 July 2010 3:48

wow feel sorry for people whose girlfriends/boyfriends sleep with other ppl and cheat and are rude and disrespectful (like the dude who was going to surprise his girl on her bday and she was sleeping with someone else) hitting u in the face? ouch. but now as bad as others.

By sLAUGHTERxx | 0

#697307 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:16

Haha #1! I agree with #2...hope you're okay. And this is one of few legit FMLs. FYL. That sounds HORRIBLE. But again, you rearranged your room.

RammerRW | 0

#697582 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 2:05

How is this a "legit" FML? Her boyfriend accidentally hits her face and her life is fucked? Sure, it sucks to be hit in the face, but I'm sure she'll be fine.

By jessxoxo28 | 5

#697323 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:20

LMAO!!! #1

By happyhak | 5

#697334 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:25

YDI for moving ur clock

By rrjr010 | 0

#697335 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:25

That'll teach you to change things!

By kaligirl323 | 0

#697338 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:27

lmfao haha that's funny.

By k43L1 | 0

#697367 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:37

hahahaha!

By jenjen1112 | 0

#697392 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:54

that is like a morning kiss i hope ur face is ok

By Starfire22 | 5

#697396 - Monday 30 November 2009 23:56

Haha lol don't take it personally

By MamaC_fml | 0

#697419 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 0:15

Aw, honey, he just handed you a guilt trip on a silver platter.

Unless you were the one to insist that sides be switched. Then YDI and a big LOL.