Holidays, the best funniest jokes

892

117

Today, I always hated not having a boyfriend during holidays, my relatives would always ask me what was wrong with me. I'm married now and my husband always finds a way to skip holiday reunions. My relatives keep on asking me what's wrong with me. FML

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 14:01

Family man

878

154

Today, after I bought a ticket to Colombia back in April this year to travel in December. I was waiting for my passport to get mailed. My flight was on December 17; I received my passport on December 19. FML

By Nataly - 24/12/2020 23:02 - United States - Rahway

Stay at home

761

300

Today, it's the first day of a long-needed vacation after weeks of stress and overtime. I'm having such intense period cramps, I'm bathed in sweat. FML

By Anna - 20/12/2020 05:02

Bad timing

854

Today, while on holiday. I got a call to let me know my job will be gone away when I return. FML

By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 18:57 - Mexico - Garza Garcia

Bye then!

868

Today, at work, my crazy Christmas enthusiast colleague started decorating her office. I had to listen to Christmas songs for hours, but when I complained to others, they said I was just a mood-killer. I’m the only one whose office is close to hers. FML

By tipsyone - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Sweden - Malm?

TOO SOON

5473

949

OP here: this is not the first time she’s done this! I’ve talked about this two years ago and how I find it incredibly boring to listen to the same songs three months!! Of course the others don’t mind since they’re afraid of conflicts plus I’m the one with the office very close to hers!

tipsyone tells us more :

By LonelyStranger - United States - Lake Stevens

Alone

Today, I was really excited to go to a party because I need to make more friends. Too bad a snowstorm hit right before I was going to leave, now I'm alone with no power. FML

2353

204

By Alan

Summer is BORING. Nothing to do? FML is here to entertain you!

Has everyone left town to go to the beach, or on a romantic getaway, while you sit at home, twiddling your thumbs. Don't worry, here's...

Today, I took my first holiday from work in over 6 months as it was my birthday. Today was also the day I woke up and vomited violently for 10 straight hours as a result of food poisoning. FML

By sickday

2858

244

Today, I was tripped downstairs as a "joke" by my little brother. When I was yelling in pain from my broken arm, my mom was lecturing me to be thankful "one goddamn day a year". She also thinks I'm lying just to hide that I'm clumsy and my brother is innocent. He won't admit it. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

By thankful

3147

173

Today, my self-described "genius" cousin came to the conclusion that cooking the turkey in the oven for 8 hours would take too long, so he doubled the temperature to have it done in half the time. The fire department had to come to put out the fireball that was once my butterball. FML

By Anonymous - United States - Floral Park

2958

223

Today, while at a family gathering, I sat down in a chair and it broke. Embarrassed, I picked myself up and sat down in another chair. That one broke too. I'm now the "fat girl" of the family despite weighing 90 pounds. FML

By maisie

2925

233

Today, my uncle is on vacation with his friend, who sent us a video of their hotel room. He captured a glimpse of my uncle in the shower. Naked. This can't be unseen. FML

By Vlad

2959

283

Today, it's Halloween. I get bullied every day and this was no exception, but this time I got beat up so hard I bled. Everyone thought it was part of my costume. FML

By Heggs

3911

185

Today, I was excited to finally receive my Halloween costume in the mail after the one I ordered back in September got lost in transit. Upon reaching my mailbox, I saw the lock had been broken off and my new costume had been stolen. The party is tomorrow. FML

By sluttyfox

3015

209

Today, my little sister got into my anime DVDs, probably thinking they were cartoons. She watched High School DXD, which isn't the best anime for a 6-year-old. Now she wants to be the Breast Dragon Emperor for Halloween and Dad is threatening to set fire to my entire collection. FML

By Juggernaut Drive

2568

1360

Today, I went to a haunted hayride with my crush and friends. I got scared and screamed so he put his arm around me and hugged me. I took this as a good sign and leaned in. Turns out his friend was handing him something and he wasn't putting his arm around me. FML

By Anonymous

2895

322

Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML

By Fangirl#1

2426

300

Today, I was talking to my military brother about him coming home soon. I told him that our parents don't always handle change well, but are excited to see him. He took that to mean that they don't want him home and to make plans to stay where he is. FML

By Anonymous

1792

862

Today, after being jobless for 2 years, I got a call back for an interview. I was ecstatic until I saw the date. It's the same day I leave for a weeklong, nonrefundable vacation. I applied for the job 6 weeks ago, and since not hearing anything bought the vacation 2 weeks ago. FML

By TheLibrarian

2208

1211

Today, my friend, who had begged me to buy them a plane ticket after being stranded overseas, blocked me. They didn't even use the ticket. FML

By AzrielB

2614

466

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend's family for the first time. Unfortunately, I have diarrhoea and keep leaving extremely smelly farts around the house. I blame the dog every time, but I think they're catching on. FML

By Anonymous

2882

488

Today, my boyfriend's mother informed me that when I visit him next month, he is planning to propose. We have a long-distance relationship and I've been thinking of breaking it off. His friends and family are involved with the proposal he planned. They're all going to hate me. FML

By Megan Caird - United States - Asbury Park

4071

798

Today, my fiancée bought me a luxury getaway to the Maldives, complete with a five-star hotel and first-class plane tickets. Too bad she used my credit card, with all the money I was saving for our wedding. FML

By Anonymous

3186

306

Today, I was talking to my sister about how I need to buy gifts from Santa for my daughter, when my son asked why I would be buying them instead of letting Santa bring them. My son genuinely still believed in Santa. He’s 22 years old. FML

By yen

2812

1070

Today, despite being the president of the Japanese club at my school since it started, my mom will not let me go on a school-sponsored trip to Japan. She's worried that North Korea will fire a missile at Japan while I'm there. FML

By ChromoTec

4769

278

Hey, OP here. I couldn't fit everything inside the 300-character limit, so I'll just explain it here. She says we don't have the money to go, which currently we don't, but she refused all of my fundraising ideas and made me take down my GoFundMe page, and since she doesn't let me get a job either, I'm stuck with no way to pay for it. I've tried again and again to get her to let me go, but she won't...

ChromoTec tells us more :

By Lisa

Today, I came home from my vacation. My sister had been taking care of my dog and my apartment while I was away. As I walked in, I was greeted by a floor covered in poop and a destroyed couch. FML

2498

235

Today, I couldn't get out of bed due to severe morning sickness. I have to lay still and I can only hold in some tiny crackers. It's the second day of our two-week holiday in Turkey. FML

By Snowy - Turkey

2638

302

Today, my landlady gave me exactly one day to move out. I'm not even in the country. FML

By Sunflare - Netherlands - Holten

2908

146

Today, my wife and I got back from our cruise ship holiday. It was intended to be ten nights of relaxation and romance. The first five nights she had her period, and the next five nights I had painful welts on my tip from the mess in my swim shorts. Ten days later, no sex. FML

By ouchy - New Zealand - Nelson

3038

449