By - 21/2/2020 01:00 The innocence of children Today, my 5 year old stabbed me in the back with a pencil because I stole her nose and wouldn’t give it back. My daughter has been sulking now for 3 hours and refuses to breathe until she has her nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 1382 You deserved it 457 15 2 27 168 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 12/2/2020 14:00 - United States Almost father Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML I agree, your life sucks 21993 You deserved it 108297 38 6 89 227 821 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 11/2/2020 20:00 Swinish moment Today I went to change my daughter's diaper, mind you this was a blow out. She threw her hands down to get poop all over her arms, hands, then face. FML I agree, your life sucks 1421 You deserved it 180 24 3 39 73 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kid Napper - 8/2/2020 15:00 - Romania - Suceava Ugly cut Today, my little sister cut my hair super short without me knowing or seeing how much she cut it. And when I showed mom, she beat me because I let my sister cut my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 1640 You deserved it 364 90 3 51 39 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/2/2020 01:00 - Canada - Toronto Just a dream Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML I agree, your life sucks 1633 You deserved it 175 30 6 11 134 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - 1/2/2020 20:00 - United States - Shawnee Especially for dad Today, my daughter ran up to me and gave me a cup. She said it was lemonade that she made with her friend. When I took a sip, she giggled and ran back to her room. It was not lemonade. FML I agree, your life sucks 1920 You deserved it 321 23 6 151 76 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 1/2/2020 18:00 Young kids Today, my daughter asked me what is the youngest age at which you should start having sex. Being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML I agree, your life sucks 2320 You deserved it 1136 49 11 310 101 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 31/1/2020 18:00 Selfish Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML I agree, your life sucks 3797 You deserved it 253 292 15 170 56 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Robyn_mori - 31/1/2020 05:00 - Canada The difference Today, I was shopping for socks and I went to look in the men's section. Dad said: "You don't want those, they are for men." I asked what the difference was? He looked around, and then leaned in and whispered: "Men have a penis!" FML I agree, your life sucks 1708 You deserved it 421 9 9 4 342 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wtfbroidfwy - 29/1/2020 05:00 - United States Please join Today, I caught my 12 years nephew jacking off in his bedroom, when I caught him he asked me if I wanted to join in. FML I agree, your life sucks 1781 You deserved it 250 26 6 90 147 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 27/1/2020 18:00 Glittery letters Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML I agree, your life sucks 1955 You deserved it 393 20 14 51 357 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Redbeard - 24/1/2020 05:00 Who taught him Today, while having my husband's boss at home. My 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell "mum look! Penis!" And wiggled it around... FML I agree, your life sucks 1950 You deserved it 315 10 12 18 407 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/1/2020 01:00 Don't worry! Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 1695 You deserved it 470 9 4 46 180 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/1/2020 19:00 - United Kingdom Parenting fail Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee, when I went back my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, god knows where since I don't own a permanent marker. She then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs, and as an added bonus the tv screen, parenting fail. FML I agree, your life sucks 1773 You deserved it 458 22 8 53 110 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 10/1/2020 14:00 My 21st birthday Today, my parents took me to a bar to celebrate my 21st birthday. They brought my little brother, but when the bouncer wouldn't allow him in, they made me wait outside with him while they went in for drinks. FML I agree, your life sucks 7673 You deserved it 480 417 20 197 250 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "McKenzie Danielle Lawrence" - 10/1/2020 03:00 I'm the oldest Today, my little brother proceeded to tell me that he approved of my boyfriend (he's 12 and I'm 21). And he also very clearly stated that he didn't want my boyfriend's "wiener" anywhere around me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1909 You deserved it 309 13 12 14 261 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 8/1/2020 20:00 - United States - San Francisco Three kids? Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML I agree, your life sucks 2813 You deserved it 276 43 5 319 43 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WittyMoron - 8/1/2020 01:00 - United Kingdom Shooting! Today, I was out shooting pigeons with my brother. I decided to climb a tree to get a better view of where they were flying in from. As I perched on a branch and surveyed the skies, my idiot brother mistook me for a pigeon and shot me in the leg. FML I agree, your life sucks 940 You deserved it 2950 32 7 37 186 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sexlube - 1/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Kirkland Hand sanitizer Today, my kid told my wife he's been using the hand sanitizer under our bathroom sink. It's not hand sanitizer, it's a giant bottle of lube. I agree, your life sucks 1431 You deserved it 833 7 5 10 189 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jb123 - 29/12/2020 20:00 - United States - Rock Springs I am still young Today, I was sitting in the waiting room with my two-month-old son. A sweet little old lady came up to me and said, "maybe if you knew how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't have a baby at 15, slut". I'm 23 and married. FML I agree, your life sucks 2729 You deserved it 185 41 7 258 54 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dirtyrice - 24/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Albuquerque Dirty rice Today, my 8-year-old son decided to make some rice for lunch. When we had it, I noticed a horrid gritty taste. It turns out, he puts dirt in the rice to make "Dirty Rice". FML I agree, your life sucks 1581 You deserved it 362 6 7 24 186 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By justagirl - 21/12/2019 14:00 Fatherlessness Today my ex started to talk to me again after 3 years... I have been in an amazing relationship for the last 2 years. She let me know she is taking me to court for child support! I didn't even know I had a kid. FML I agree, your life sucks 2270 You deserved it 192 20 6 213 19 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fml9124 - 21/12/2019 05:00 New urinal Today, my wife caught our six-year-old son peeing in the bathroom sink. He pulled his little stool up in front, that he uses, so he can brush his teeth, and was peeing in the sink. When we asked why? He said that he wanted to pee like a man - like we did at the football game. My son is using our bathroom sink like a urinal. FML I agree, your life sucks 1633 You deserved it 277 7 13 14 214 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 18/12/2019 18:00 Children, toy! Today, I purchased a sex kit for my friend's wedding gift files with various toys, videos, and lubes. My ex-wife emailed me and said my kids received my gift, and they are opening it right now. Apparently, I sent the box to the wrong address. FML I agree, your life sucks 918 You deserved it 2441 10 4 78 235 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By aproudmom - 16/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Glen Head Nerf bullets Today, after work I came home to find my sons trying to use my tampons as nerf bullets. FML I agree, your life sucks 1615 You deserved it 247 8 4 8 305 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cadburry - 9/12/2019 05:00 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai Fascinating action Today, while I was masturbating I saw my little sister shockingly watching me, and said please, finish it quickly, I want to see your face when you are coming. FML I agree, your life sucks 2338 You deserved it 532 58 20 372 71 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bir - 8/12/2019 14:00 - Nepal Early wake-up Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML I agree, your life sucks 1637 You deserved it 149 9 3 43 134 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shut up loser! - 2/12/2019 03:00 Not her fault neither mine Today, my 4 year old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 4171 You deserved it 423 49 22 27 532 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Baddad - 24/11/2019 20:00 This is terrible! Today, as I stepped out the door and heard it lock behind me, I realized I had forgotten both my keys and my baby inside. There's no other way in. FML I agree, your life sucks 1888 You deserved it 997 28 7 203 45 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sigh - 18/11/2019 01:00 - Singapore - Singapore Lovely parents Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they remembered, my dad's reaction was "Oh! Really?" My mom's was "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML I agree, your life sucks 2130 You deserved it 161 154 7 29 22 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
I was at the financial aid officethe other day... I looked over and saw someone, who looked exactly like my ex-wife did the last time I was with her, and... I agree, your life sucks 34 You deserved it 7 0 Comments
Today someone broke into my locker and blamed something on me, I got called to the principal's office and I was in trouble for "having drugs on school... I agree, your life sucks 42 You deserved it 4 0 Comments
Today, I decide to let my boyfriend introduce food into our sex life, then a few days after we used melted chocolate I got a UTI. I’ve never had a UTI... I agree, your life sucks 419 You deserved it 803 5 Comments
Today, I decide that when I will have a free weekend I will study, but instead of that my girlfriend wants to fuck with me every chance she gets. So I... I agree, your life sucks 416 You deserved it 1063 15 Comments