Kids

SAT down

By Anonymous - 28/05/2022 00:00

Today, my daughter was unable to take the SAT. They wouldn’t let her in, because, “no one told her she would need two forms of ID.” To be fair, she would have gotten a terrible score anyway, if she’s really that dumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 243

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 27/05/2022 22:00

Today, at my little cousin’s birthday party, some spoilt child played a prank and placed chocolate cake on my seat just as I was about to sit. Let’s just say of all the days, today was a bad day to wear cream trousers and park the car quite a way away from the venue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 37

Mystery text

By Anonymous - 26/05/2022 15:59

Today, my son sent me a very frank text telling me my husband is no longer welcome at his house, because, “He knows what he did, if you want to know then ask him.” This isn’t going to be good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 93

Automation

By Anonymous - 26/05/2022 02:00

Today, and the past few weeks, my dad has been leaving me notes around the house, accusing me of putting the heating on at 3 a.m. and to stop. Except I've not touched the heating for months, and denying it results in both parents screaming that I'm lying. It doesn't occur to them that he's just fucked up the smart schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 54

Dodgy

By Anonymous - 25/05/2022 12:00

Today, after 6 years not wanting kids, my wife suddenly wants them with a desperation I’ve only seen in the drug addicts I work with wanting their fix. I still don’t want children, so now we just don’t have sex because I can’t trust her to take her contraceptives, or somehow tamper with my condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 140

Nepotism

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 10:00

Today, my son is failing his college classes because he thinks he’s going to inherit the family business. It's a garden centre owned by my older sister; I'm just an employee, it will be inherited by my niece. My son actually thought only eldest sons inherited family property. God I raised an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 318

Is that even legal?

By Norma - 22/05/2022 16:00

Today, it's the third time my ex has been granted a reduction in his child support payments coinciding with his gold digger getting an expensive gift. The first time it was her 4-carat engagement ring, then it was her breast and butt surgeries, and now a 3-week trip to Hawaii. I can barely afford food for our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 141

Demanding

By ImScrewedddd - 22/05/2022 04:00

Today, my lazy, spoiled brat of a daughter screwed up her third job interview in the past month. She keeps self-sabotaging by asking the employers about the pay and benefits, and if she doesn’t like it, she walks out on them. Then she rants on how nobody wants to hire her. Gee, I wonder why? FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 1 909

Having fun?

By Anonymous - 21/05/2022 02:00

Today, on my birthday night, my husband decided to book a trip for himself to go on a solo trip, leaving me with the kids. Instead of hanging out with us and celebrating, he's yelling at our son to leave him alone so he can finish booking the airfare and car rental. Great birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 95

Judge and jury

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 06:00

Today, I turned 18 and I’m now subject to adult discipline. My dad says I will no longer be grounded or have my phone taken away, but I have three strikes and if I get to three, he’s throwing me out to get my own house. He then gave me my first strike because I was 30 minutes late picking up my nana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 476

Outsmarted

By Anonymous - 19/05/2022 06:00

Today, I'm an adjudicator for our school's debate team, collectively I have over 20 years experience both as a debater and as an adjudicator, and yet I have no idea how my daughter manages to convince me she deserves an extra dessert and to stay up an hour past bedtime every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 892

Higher than the sun

By Bad Dad - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 878

You deserved it 5 070

Boys will be boys

By Anonymous - 18/05/2022 10:00

Today, thanks to my son's inability to keep his trap shut, and natural ability to piss everybody off, our landlord is now not renewing our lease at the end of the month, and went out of his way to let me know it is all my son's fault, and he can’t wait to personally kick us both into the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 412

Fuck our lives

By stuck - 16/05/2022 06:00

Today, I’m on day three of pneumonia and a sinus infection. My six year-old is on day three of a sinus infection and day one of the stomach flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 90

Genius

By That'sMyBoy - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I put glue traps around my home to catch spiders. So far, the only thing dumb enough to get caught in one is my 10-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 384

You deserved it 912

Slipping up

By FastFlight - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter used Pledge to clean the wooden staircase. I found out when I tried to walk down them in socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 723

You deserved it 5 125

Brainwashing

By stuck - 11/05/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, due to some serious health and financial issues, I literally have no choice but to have my mom watch my kids. She's turned my son into the most spoiled insufferable brat, I can’t stand it. Then I feel like I’m punishing him at home for what his grandmother enforces in hers. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 126

Trauma

By Anonymous - 11/05/2022 06:00

Today, my 6”8 boyfriend is scared to death of his 5”2 mother to the point where it’s not funny, it’s quite concerning. He dropped a full pan of chilli in our house and cleaned it so obsessively in case his mom found out, in our house. I’m almost afraid to ask what went on in his childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 118

Run for the hills

By Anonymous - 10/05/2022 18:00

Today, I finally realized my husband sees our son and I as more of a financial burden than actually wanting to provide for us. Well, now what the fuck do I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 215

Zing!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2022 14:00

Today, I met my coworker's kids during a cookout. I joked to her eldest son that he was awfully short for a seventeen-year-old. He responded, "Well, you're awfully ugly for the town slut." Everyone laughed, including my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 1 860

What?

By Anonymous - 09/05/2022 17:59

Today, I asked my son to repeat something he had said. He got right up in my face and screamed that it was time I got a "fucking hearing aid." His siblings agreed with him. My husband agreed so much, he won’t even punish him for yelling and swearing, because, “Honestly, we all wanted to scream it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 1 036

Parental pressure

By asian-indian-kid - 09/05/2022 02:00

Today, my dad reminded me that he expects me to try to get into a prestigious (read: top 5, braggable) university for undergrad. I just want to be normal and go to an above average school where I can thrive, instead of killing my mental health now and then mutilating its dead body after I go to college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 106

The internet was a mistake

By Anonymous - 08/05/2022 22:00

Today, I have Covid and am stuck in isolation with my sister. I have been staying in my room to avoid spreading it, but my sister just yelled at me because I "looked at a bird outside" and might have "given the bird Covid from the mucus in my eyes." She picked this theory up from a stranger on Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 88

Blast from the past

By how old am I? - 07/05/2022 06:00

Today, I was hosting a small party for my nephews and a couple neighborhood kids. I unexpectedly started my period while I was serving the snacks. Have you ever been pointed and laughed at by a bunch of 12 year-olds? Ah, just like the good old days… FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 90

Not now

By Anonymous - 06/05/2022 18:01 - United States - Morganville

Today, my son took his very first steps. Unfortunately, it was during my sister's wedding. She had a full-blown bridezilla meltdown over how he "stole her spotlight". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 136

Same

By Venezuelan - 06/05/2022 08:00

Today, a classmate wished me a “Happy Cinco De Mayo” and bought me a Mexican sombrero to wear, and little paper Mexican flags to wave around. I’m Venezuelan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 104

Let down

By Anonymous - 05/05/2022 06:00

Today, after an ex let me know I have a 19 year old-son. I was beyond excited so I spent the weekend with them and I can tell you now, the boy is a complete prick, and I prefer to continue to claim I’m childless rather than admit I fathered that arrogant, rude, selfish, entitled little shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 560

Overcooked

By poopiemanlol - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I realized that you should never teach your 6 year-old child how to use the microwave, unless you want to be cleaning melted pet fish for about half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 110

You deserved it 11 881

The nerve of this guy

By Gigi - 04/05/2022 06:00

Today, my father accused me of not taking care of my 15-month-old son, who is putting on weight slowly because of starting to walk and run. Come on, for a man who sees his grandchildren two or three times a year and never gives his daughter a call, who gave him the courage? FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 91

Good advice

By Anonymous - 03/05/2022 04:00

Today, I was advised to never have kids because they ruin your life, ruin your body, cost you money, stress you out, and the end result is they become an adult you don’t even really like or would choose to spend time with if you weren’t related. It was both my parents who gave me this advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 206

Nearly

Today, I was beaten up for being Russian and therefore “supporting the war.” I do not support the war in the Ukraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 34

Today, I called the Suicide Hotline. They greeted me by name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 39

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my sister with her hand wrapped gently around my balls, saying, “Don’t lie or I’ll squeeze.” She wanted to know if I’d eaten her strawberries. I said no. She'd looked my bin and saw the empty packet. She looked back at me and squeezed. The pain made me late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 987

Today, during sex with my new boyfriend, he gave me such an intense oral sex orgasm, I clenched my jaw and broke one of my back teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 134