Kids

I just can't hide it

By doomeddaddy - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

agreeclassic 31 480

vote type 1 3 307

Be warned

By JCC - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

agreeclassic 35 719

vote type 1 13 154

A little treat

By AdoKitty - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Redlands

Today, the 4 year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl." Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

agreeclassic 29 376

vote type 1 2 333

Valid reason?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out that my husband only dated me because I look like what he thought the daughter he had with his first wife might look like when she's grown up. FML

agreeclassic 2 748

vote type 1 252

Demon child

By thatoneguy - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a five year-old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

agreeclassic 34 767

vote type 1 3 528

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

agreeclassic 1 863

vote type 1 436

Great start

By whytoday - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML

agreeclassic 34 753

vote type 1 8 461

Best clapback

By wetbutt - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

agreeclassic 18 120

vote type 1 69 010

They're indoctrinating our children… with pranks!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my eight year-old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mindfucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

agreeclassic 40 818

vote type 1 4 008

Panic!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 47 788

vote type 1 12 438

911 is a joke

By Lauren Smith - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML

agreeclassic 39 716

vote type 1 6 263

Keep the change

By hatemylife - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a group of Girl Scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought two bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

agreeclassic 47 423

vote type 1 7 069

Nice, thanks

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a little girl came up to me and said, "Hi, my name is Lindsey, let's be friends!" I thought she was cute, so I played along and said, "OK! My name is Jen!" Her reply was, "Wait, never mind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML

agreeclassic 52 062

vote type 1 13 493

Halloween red flag

By Teaching - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

agreeclassic 45 389

vote type 1 4 596

Stealthy

By jessye1182 - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Yaphank

Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML

agreeclassic 22 975

vote type 1 6 404

Lingering

By Evjoel - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, whilst making a cake for my kids, I accidentally got some cocoa powder in my nose. Now it feels like my nose is burning stronger than the fires of hell. On the bright side, everything smells like chocolate. FML

agreeclassic 11 937

vote type 1 1 170

Welcome to adulthood

By Jane - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

agreeclassic 41 304

vote type 1 6 281

It's coming!

By badmom - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I did such a bad job explaining the recent change from daylight savings time, that my 5-year-old son is now convinced that we're time travellers. FML

agreeclassic 22 472

vote type 1 4 914

Late bloomer

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

agreeclassic 45 879

vote type 1 9 461

You snooze, you lose

By Anonymous - 07/10/2025 00:00

Today, my daughter has spent the last few hours moaning that the boy she’s known since they were 4 years-old got a girlfriend instead of asking her out. She’s known him for almost 20 years. If she liked him all that time, she should have asked him out herself instead of moaning at me. FML

agreeclassic 454

vote type 1 98

Not cool

By Anonymous - 06/10/2025 22:00

Today, I was trying to shop in peace when a single mom with a whole herd of loud brats went tearing through the aisles. I told her that if her kids had fathers they wouldn’t behave that way. The oldest screamed, “Our daddy died!” causing all the kids to break into hysterics. The mom cried too. FML

agreeclassic 103

vote type 1 1 389

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 04/10/2025 03:00

Today, my daughter announced that she's pregnant. I'm going to be a 37 year-old grandmother. FML

agreeclassic 332

vote type 1 283

Noise annoys

By AAAAAGH - 03/10/2025 20:00

Today, like every day, I have misophonia. Also today, like every day, my mom is on a video call with my baby niece and is making irritating sound effects to entertain her. I hate the fact that my mom making her granddaughter happy makes me irrationally furious. I'm such a piece of shit. FML

agreeclassic 393

vote type 1 123

Not respected anymore

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, as a respected artist, I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

agreeclassic 47 707

vote type 1 16 520

Keep it to yourself

By Anonymous - 30/09/2025 20:00

Today, I had to have the awkward conversation with my adult daughter that the reason I’m divorcing her mom is because she’s not my daughter, she’s actually the daughter of her mom's secret boyfriend, who she’s been screwing behind my back for almost 30 years. FML

agreeclassic 449

vote type 1 60

Let's celebrate

By Anonymous - 29/09/2025 15:00

Today, my son had a baby so I poured out the last of the bottle of scotch bought by my grandfather around about 1910. There was just enough for two glasses. I took a sip and spat it out, leading to my son confessing that he drank it as a teenager and replaced it with god knows what brown liquid. FML

agreeclassic 497

vote type 1 98

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 29/09/2025 03:00

Today, my best friend and I have been friends for over 35 years and now suddenly I don’t have a friend anymore, all because my idiot son got his daughter pregnant then abandoned her, and somehow it’s my fault my son is a deadbeat and I deserve to have a 35 year friendship taken away FML

agreeclassic 249

vote type 1 542

Carny

By Yikes - 28/09/2025 20:00

Today, my 4 year-old son learned that burgers and chicken tenders are made from cows and chickens. I braced myself for the tantrum, only to hear, "They're yummy. Can we turn the cat into a burger? What do squirrels and dogs turn into?" Now I'm scared of my kid. FML

agreeclassic 349

vote type 1 120

Twisted firestarter

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML

agreeclassic 33 477

vote type 1 5 883

Bad day, huh?

By AllWrong - 27/09/2025 03:00

Today, I screwed up in my job, my husband lost his luggage in an airport, then my daughter broke the toilet flush, and my friend's kid poured porridge onto the carpet. FML

agreeclassic 361

vote type 1 79

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, during a basketball game, I fell into metal chairs which then decided to fold in, causing me to fall to the floor in a very dramatic and painful fall. When I stood up, so did everyone else and they were all clapping, including the other team. FML

agreeclassic 25 126

vote type 1 3 523

Today, my boyfriend cooked us a romantic dinner using the oven. The oven he recently hid $3,000 in for safekeeping. We essentially just spent thousands of dollars on a casserole. FML

agreeclassic 22 867

vote type 1 12 590

Today, I got scolded for how I treated my aunt and uncle's dogs while pet sitting. I was told it was my fault they had explosive diarrhea for "locking" them in the room they'd told me to put them in at night and doing everything they said when I reported they were sick. FML

agreeclassic 3 080

vote type 1 230

Today, while riding around the lake, a pair of kids thought it was okay to take turns yanking my horse's tail and running away so they didn't get kicked. When I told the parents not to let their kids do that, they said that I shouldn't be riding if I can't "control my beast". FML

agreeclassic 4 985

vote type 1 263

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I failed to notice I’ve been on a sex ban as punishment for upsetting her mother 3 weeks ago. Three weeks isn’t even our longest no sex period; we’ve gone months without sex before for no good reason, so is it any wonder I didn’t notice after only 3 weeks? FML

agreeclassic 2 341

vote type 1 402

Today, a bat flew into my house. We locked it in my brother's room, complete with cats, and just barely got it back outside alive. We later found out it was an endangered species, so we also narrowly avoided arrest. FML

agreeclassic 1 434

vote type 1 535