By - 21/2/2020 01:00 The innocence of children Today, my 5 year old stabbed me in the back with a pencil because I stole her nose and wouldn’t give it back. My daughter has been sulking now for 3 hours and refuses to breathe until she has her nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 1612 You deserved it 554 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 12/2/2020 14:00 - United States Almost father Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML I agree, your life sucks 22135 You deserved it 108932 822 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 6/2/2020 01:00 - Canada - Toronto Just a dream Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML I agree, your life sucks 1759 You deserved it 194 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - 1/2/2020 20:00 - United States - Shawnee Especially for dad Today, my daughter ran up to me and gave me a cup. She said it was lemonade that she made with her friend. When I took a sip, she giggled and ran back to her room. It was not lemonade. FML I agree, your life sucks 2038 You deserved it 352 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 31/1/2020 18:00 Selfish Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML I agree, your life sucks 4375 You deserved it 295 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Robyn_mori - 31/1/2020 05:00 - Canada The difference Today, I was shopping for socks and I went to look in the men's section. Dad said: "You don't want those, they are for men." I asked what the difference was? He looked around, and then leaned in and whispered: "Men have a penis!" FML I agree, your life sucks 1794 You deserved it 447 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 27/1/2020 18:00 Glittery letters Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML I agree, your life sucks 2072 You deserved it 414 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Redbeard - 24/1/2020 05:00 Who taught him Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML I agree, your life sucks 2053 You deserved it 332 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/1/2020 01:00 Don't worry! Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 1783 You deserved it 497 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/1/2020 19:00 - United Kingdom Parenting fail Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML I agree, your life sucks 1863 You deserved it 490 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 10/1/2020 14:00 My 21st birthday Today, my parents took me to a bar to celebrate my 21st birthday. They brought my little brother, but when the bouncer wouldn't allow him in, they made me wait outside with him while they went in for drinks. FML I agree, your life sucks 7942 You deserved it 500 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 8/1/2020 20:00 - United States - San Francisco Three kids? Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML I agree, your life sucks 2969 You deserved it 283 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WittyMoron - 8/1/2020 01:00 - United Kingdom Shooting! Today, I was out shooting pigeons with my brother. I decided to climb a tree to get a better view of where they were flying in from. As I perched on a branch and surveyed the skies, my idiot brother mistook me for a pigeon and shot me in the leg. FML I agree, your life sucks 1006 You deserved it 3113 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sexlube - 1/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Kirkland Hand sanitizer Today, my kid told my wife he's been using the hand sanitizer under our bathroom sink. It's not hand sanitizer, it's a giant bottle of lube. I agree, your life sucks 1475 You deserved it 860 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jb123 - 29/12/2020 20:00 - United States - Rock Springs I'm still young Today, I was sitting in a waiting room with my two-month-old son. A sweet little old lady came up to me and said, "Maybe if you knew how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't have a baby at 15, slut." I'm 23 and married. FML I agree, your life sucks 2841 You deserved it 191 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dirtyrice - 24/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Albuquerque Dirty rice Today, my 8-year-old son decided to make some rice for lunch. When we had it, I noticed a horrid gritty taste. It turns out, he puts dirt in the rice to make "Dirty Rice". FML I agree, your life sucks 1628 You deserved it 373 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By justagirl - 21/12/2019 14:00 Fatherlessness Today, my ex started to talk to me again after 3 years. I've been in an amazing relationship for the last 2 years. She let me know she is taking me to court for child support. I didn't even know I had a kid. FML I agree, your life sucks 2347 You deserved it 200 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fml9124 - 21/12/2019 05:00 New urinal Today, my wife caught our six-year-old son peeing in the bathroom sink. He pulled his little stool up in front, that he uses to brush his teeth, and was peeing in the sink. When we asked why, he said that he wanted to pee like a man, "like we do at football games." My son is using our bathroom sink like a urinal. FML I agree, your life sucks 1693 You deserved it 288 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By aproudmom - 16/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Glen Head Nerf bullets Today, after work I came home to find my sons trying to use my tampons as nerf bullets. FML I agree, your life sucks 1658 You deserved it 271 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bir - 8/12/2019 14:00 - Nepal Early wake-up Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML I agree, your life sucks 1680 You deserved it 154 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shut up loser! - 2/12/2019 03:00 Not her fault neither mine Today, my 4 year old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 4363 You deserved it 435 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Baddad - 24/11/2019 20:00 This is terrible! Today, as I stepped out the door and heard it lock behind me, I realized I had forgotten both my keys and my baby inside. There's no other way in. FML I agree, your life sucks 1944 You deserved it 1031 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sigh - 18/11/2019 01:00 - Singapore - Singapore Lovely parents Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they remembered, my dad's reaction was "Oh! Really?" My mom's was "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML I agree, your life sucks 2179 You deserved it 166 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By "lildale92" - 5/11/2019 02:00 So cute Today, my youngest decided my phone needed a bath in the toilet. FML I agree, your life sucks 1653 You deserved it 267 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bail? - 29/8/2019 23:00 - United States - Omaha Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML I agree, your life sucks 1535 You deserved it 150 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NotTodaySatan - 7/7/2019 16:00 - United States - Tempe Today, my dad suggested I go back to my abusive, psychotic ex, who happens to be the father of my only child. He suggested this only so I can get pregnant again, and get more money back on my taxes. His "bright side" to this? At least my kids will have the same father. FML I agree, your life sucks 1852 You deserved it 175 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 26/6/2019 06:13 - Canada - Vaudreuil Be careful what you post on the Internet… Today, my 10-year-old son's friend googled his name and found breastfeeding pictures that I had put on a personal website when he was 2 days-old. Now he gets laughed at, and his friends all saw pictures of my breasts. FML I agree, your life sucks 710 You deserved it 3257 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Gore - 18/6/2019 21:13 - United States - Kansas City Today, I was going to record a song I wrote for my dad, who I haven't spoke to in a couple of years. After getting things together, I called my mom to let her know I'd be doing this. She informed me he died. A year ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 2447 You deserved it 407 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By got to be kidding me - 2/5/2019 14:00 - United States - Cape Coral Today, my eight-year-old daughter refused to use the port-a-potty at the fair. She preferred to piss her pants. FML I agree, your life sucks 1891 You deserved it 258 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LowOnGas - 2/5/2019 18:00 Today, I drove my toddler to a schoolmate’s birthday party at a chuck-e-Cheese an hour drive away, only to find out the party is tomorrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 1557 You deserved it 1004 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, So in April, I was telling my boyfriend of 4 years with whom we owned an apartment how hard it must be to be single during this pandemics. He then... I agree, your life sucks 0 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
Today, I was swiping on Tinder when the app told me there was one else left to meet. I haven't had any matches. FML. I agree, your life sucks 4 You deserved it 0 0 Comments
Today, I offered to give my ex a ride home from work. He and I ended on good terms years ago, we just aren't compatible with each other. I dropped him... I agree, your life sucks 992 You deserved it 46 7 Comments
Today, I took a bath and dressed in a skimpy lingerie. I sat on the couch for an hour and a half before giving up and putting on my boyfriend's old t shirt.... I agree, your life sucks 890 You deserved it 134 5 Comments