FML : Kids, Your everyday life stories

Today, my mother-in-law visited. She saw my 5-year-old son rip open a chip bag, causing chips go everywhere. She got up in his face and started screaming at him about how he has an "attitude problem". He doesn't, he's autistic and genuinely has trouble with food packaging. FML

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By annie - / Sunday 14 October 2018 12:00 /

Today, I was trying on bras in a shop when a little kid stuck their head under my stall. I was completely topless and completely surprised when they asked if I was their mommy. I'm 16. FML

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By littl3storm - / Saturday 13 October 2018 12:00 /

Today, I gave my 8-month-old a bath in the kitchen sink after dinner, like I always do. Today, she decided to poop in it. FML

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By Getthelysol - / Wednesday 10 October 2018 05:00 /

Today, I had to take my eyes off my kid for a minute to respond to an important work email. I was about to click send when I heard a flushing sound and mad giggling. It was the TV remote. FML

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By TiredParent - / Tuesday 9 October 2018 12:00 /

Today, I was talking to my sister about how I need to buy gifts from Santa for my daughter, when my son asked why I would be buying them instead of letting Santa bring them. My son genuinely still believed in Santa. He’s 22 years old. FML

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By yen - / Sunday 7 October 2018 22:00 /

Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping... or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML

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By Mom of 3 - / Sunday 7 October 2018 15:30 /

Today, my mom said she ran into some old coworkers and they asked about me. She was surprised they remembered me, as we only met once. The reason they remembered me is because I fell down the stairs at their house when I was 11. That was 15 years ago. FML

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By NotTakenYet - / Friday 5 October 2018 22:05 /

Today, my daughter asked me to braid her hair. When I was done, she said Daddy's girlfriend does it better. I wasn't aware we had an open marriage. FML

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By Anonymous - / Friday 5 October 2018 13:30 /

Today, I found my 5-year-old son prancing around in high heels and cat ears, wearing a thong as a necklace, and waving a riding crop around like a sword. He'd found the box where granny keeps her special outfits that make granddad extra happy on Friday nights. FML

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By Anonymous - / Friday 5 October 2018 03:00 /

Today, I visited my girlfriend in the preschool she's interning at. She asked me to continue reading The Little Mermaid to her class, handing me the book. After the story, the whole class started to cry. She never told me to sugarcoat the ending and lie, Disney-style. FML

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By I was just following orders! - / Thursday 4 October 2018 12:00 /

Today, my mom ordered my birthday presents on eBay. Too bad she used my account, so when I went to look for ideas, everything she bought me popped up. It's so much stuff I don't want, need, or will ever use, and it's on my credit card. FML

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By ARGHHHH - / Thursday 4 October 2018 05:00 /

Today, our 6-month-old is finally sleeping through the night. We thought we'd finally get a good night sleep ourselves, until my dumb husband fell asleep with the tv on and our 5-year-old ended up watching Saw 3 by herself. Now the 5-year-old wakes up with nightmares. FML

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By Anonymous - / Tuesday 2 October 2018 15:30 /

Today, my dad wants a divorce. I can either stay with my wine-loving mom or move 300km away with my dad. FML

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By nubs - / Thursday 27 September 2018 15:30 /

Today, I was shopping at a store that hires disabled people as baggers. This is totally awesome and I love the practice, but this autistic bagger yelled out the name of every product he bagged, including "TAMPONS!" and "CONDOMS!" One of my middle school students was in the next checkout line videoing it. FML

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By seriouslylife? - / Wednesday 26 September 2018 03:00 /

Today, while helping a child through a tantrum, I was kicked and my hand broke. The bone is completely in half and fixing it will require plates, screws, and surgery along with months of recovery. Another day on the job. FML

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By aaaa - / Tuesday 25 September 2018 17:30 /

Today, I helped a lady give birth on the train. She was so happy she asked if she could name the baby after me, but as I told her my name she visibly turned her nose up at it, turned to her husband, and suggested naming it after his grandfather instead. FML

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By baby names - / Sunday 23 September 2018 22:00 /

Today, I went to my little brother's high school to speak to his counselor about his grades. On my way to the office, the office manager threatened to write me up for ditching class and told me that high school is not like middle school, 9th grade will be different. I graduated 5 years ago. FML

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By Bibi - / Sunday 23 September 2018 12:00 /

Today, my Nana asked me to get her a book from her nightstand, but failed to specify which nightstand was hers. I stumbled across my grandparents' collection of sex toys instead. FML

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By Scarred - / Saturday 22 September 2018 12:00 /

Today, I took my transfer student, who I am hosting for her year of study in America, to the doctor. It turns out that she is pregnant, and my teenage son is the father. FML

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By Host grandfather - / Friday 21 September 2018 06:00 / United States - Tampa

Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML

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By LoveMeMother - / Thursday 20 September 2018 05:00 /

Today, my wife bought a bright pink dildo and left in the lounge whilst she went upstairs to get changed. We didn't expect the in-laws to arrive with my niece and nephews, who were hitting each other with the - as described by my 5-year-old nephew - "big pink sword". FML

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By Daddy Tyrone - / Monday 17 September 2018 03:30 /

Today, my memory loss hit a new low as I was filling out paperwork and couldn't remember my son's name. FML

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Dustin Allen-Duwayne Lakey Say more :

OP here. Yes my sons name is as long as mine, but it doesn't make anything easier or harder. My memory comes and goes with good and bad days. Wishing it would get better but not much of a chance there. Bad thing is I'm only 24 years old.

By Dustin Allen-Duwayne Lakey - / Monday 17 September 2018 02:22 /

Today, I got locked in an old woman's garage for an hour when she forgot I was looking at the car for sale. When I got home, I told my mom and jokingly said, "First time I have been kidnapped!" Without hesitation she said, "Well, that makes it the 3rd time." I had no idea. FML

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By Phill1188 - / Sunday 16 September 2018 03:30 /

Today, my mother sent a picture that was meant for her husband. I cannot unsee what I have seen. FML

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By Disturbed son - / Sunday 16 September 2018 01:30 /

Today, my mother turned up drunk at my house with a chocolate cake for my 14th birthday. I'm 27, I haven’t seen her in 6 years, I'm allergic to chocolate, and when she saw I had 2 kids she wanted to know why I bothered since kids are always "such a disappointment". FML

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By Anonymous - / Wednesday 12 September 2018 18:30 /

Today, I left the door open while I went to the bathroom and my 11-month-old crawled in and then took off with my toilet paper. FML

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By Tiana Scott - / Wednesday 12 September 2018 13:10 /

Today, I found out that even after having had my tubes tied, I am in fact pregnant. I have an 8-month-old son and his father just remarried another woman 2 months ago. Neither of them believe that the new baby is his. FML

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By how the fuck did this happen?! - / Tuesday 11 September 2018 04:00 / United States - Hesperia

Today, my daughter couldn't find a hair tie and thought a piece of duct tape would be a perfectly fine substitute. FML

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By Ari - / Saturday 8 September 2018 23:30 /

Today, I accidentally touched a hot pan and, like any normal person would, jerked my hand back. My mom saw, yelled at me for being a "prissy princess" and then proceeded to stick her whole hand on the hot pan for a full 5 seconds. FML

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By princess - / Saturday 8 September 2018 13:00 /

Today, I accompanied my daughter to her classmate's Disney Princess themed birthday party. Minutes in, the celebrant's mother kindly asked us to leave because my daughter was ruining the theme. How? She dressed up as Princess Leia. FML

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By Sith Dad - / Wednesday 5 September 2018 15:00 /

FML

Nearly

Today, I am 35 weeks pregnant, been passing kidney stones every day throughout this pregnancy. I shifted wrong and tore my pubic ligament. now I'm in pain...

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Today, two days before going to the concert of my favourite band that I have waited 5 years for and can only attend thanks to the grace of a friend I've...

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World

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India

Today, I got into a huge fight with a 6’3” 200 lb guy over my girlfriend of a month, who he claims to have been dating for 2 months. I'm 6’1” myself, but...

Germany

Today, my boss gave our coffee machine to her sister-in-law. I work in a cafe. FML

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Photos

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Spicy

Today, my girlfriend sent me a video of herself masturbating so I could watch it on my business trip. As I was watching it, I realised someone was filming...

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Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of...

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