Fight

Demon drink

By Aliiveopen - this FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United States - Wasilla

Today, my mom got blackout drunk and tried to fight me, my stepdad, and my brother, resulting in my stepdad leaving, my brother getting two holes from a metal shelf my mom tried to joust him with, and I got bit. FML

agreeclassic 1 940

vote type 1 170

This is what TERFs believe

By Anonymous - 21/08/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, the kids got in a fight so my wife told our son boys shouldn’t hit girls, even if his sister is older and bigger. What happened next? He put on his sisters dress, claimed he’s a girl today, then hit his sister in the face with an iPad blacking her eye. I have no idea how to parent this. FML

agreeclassic 385

vote type 1 240

Many moving parts

By AlmostCarjacked - 17/07/2025 00:00 - United States - North Hollywood

Today, I was dogsitting at my friend's house and accidentally left my car door unlocked because I was running in to drop off my interview clothes. I came back outside to see a homeless man in my driver's seat, rummaging. I had to fight him. He was terrified. I couldn’t stop shaking for hours after. FML

agreeclassic 345

vote type 1 135

Family outing

By Anonymous - 20/04/2025 11:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I’m being threatened with police action after my twins “beat up” a big kid for grabbing my daughter’s butt. They hit him with rocks and kicked him repeatedly. My twins are 7, my daughter is 10, and the other kid is 12. Maybe little perv in training should keep his hands to himself. FML

agreeclassic 642

vote type 1 89

Rivalry

By Anonymous - 23/03/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my two idiot boys beat the hell out of each other over a girl they both like. The poor girl isn’t even remotely interested in them, she’s had the same boyfriend for 6 years, and is marrying him next year. What idiots I raised, one has a broken finger and the other is missing teeth. FML

agreeclassic 467

vote type 1 154

Idiot

By I hate teenagers! - 21/02/2025 18:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my idiot son has been getting his ass kicked nearly every day since he spread a rumor that he’d been sleeping with the most popular girl in school. Not only is she the wrestling coach’s daughter, her brothers are all massive jocks. Even though he apologized the beatings keep coming. FML

agreeclassic 216

vote type 1 551

Tennis

By Anonymous - 09/01/2025 15:00 - Netherlands

Today, I got home from school after having been in a fight. I looked to my father and asked him for advice; he said, "Go see your mother." I go to see my mother, and she says, "Go see your father." FML

agreeclassic 435

vote type 1 97

I'm a lover, not a fighter

By Anonymous - 04/01/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught a man screwing my girlfriend in my house so I lost my temper and hit him right in the jaw. He wasn’t hurt, not even a bruise. I meanwhile have a broken finger and a sprained wrist because, as he put it, “You really don’t know how to throw a punch, like… at all.” FML

agreeclassic 566

vote type 1 255

Fighting talk

By Anonymous - 21/11/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, my best friend called me a slut during an argument, and I couldn't stop myself from laughing. She lost her virginity at 13 years-old, and all four of her kids have a different dad. When I mentioned it, she gave me a black eye. FML

agreeclassic 698

vote type 1 179

Blood is thicker than shit

By Anonymous - 06/11/2024 05:00 - United States - Arlington Heights

Today, my father is living with me because he's broke, but sometimes he has temper tantrums and calls me a son of a bitch. I can't stand to be name-called when I support him 1000%, and then we got into a violent physical fight. We both end up hurt, so I want to kick him out of my house, but I can't because he won't leave. FML

agreeclassic 438

vote type 1 166

Gotcha

By Pissed - 28/10/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML

agreeclassic 810

vote type 1 97

Wonky logic

By Anonymous - 25/10/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I got my ass beat by some kid in my grade. The reason I was targeted? The superintendent, aka my idiot father, suspended him for defending himself in another fight. The kid told me it's not personal, he needed to prove a point that our school doesn't do shit about bullying, As much as I agree with him… FML

agreeclassic 568

vote type 1 90

Lads being lads

By Anonymous - 17/10/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at my local fishing tackle shop, some dumb kids got into a fight and knocked me over into a glass display case of antique fishing hooks. I’m now in hospital, not only from cuts from broken glass, but to have 27 barbed hooks removed from my hands, arms, and face. FML

agreeclassic 579

vote type 1 77

Badass

By Anonymous - 14/10/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I taught my daughter to tell a teacher if she was being bullied. My husband however taught her teachers are useless, and if you punch bullies in the balls really hard, they will bend forwards which puts them in a good position for an uppercut that will knock out teeth. The school is furious. FML

agreeclassic 443

vote type 1 198

Fight me, loser

By mrmidi - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 - A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 - If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

agreeclassic 32 871

vote type 1 4 388

Science, bitch!

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, one of my twin sons found out he's going to be a dad. His little sister who loves science ended up telling him that, since he has a twin who is genetically identical, he's genetically the baby's dad too. My son, being a bit dim, took this to mean his brother slept with his wife and hit him. FML

agreeclassic 534

vote type 1 121

Costume parties are the worst

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

agreeclassic 10 569

vote type 1 57 513

So, here's the thing…

By dad - 28/04/2024 11:00 - United States

Today, my 6 year-old son and his cousin were play boxing. For fun, I taught them some real moves. I guess my son is a natural but my nephew got hit so hard he fell over and broke his arm. Now I have to explain this to my wife and her sister. FML

agreeclassic 148

vote type 1 672

Catfight

By Invaded - 18/01/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I thought I had fully patched up the hole in the wall near the stairs. I was proven wrong when I heard my cat screaming and hissing near it. The black cat who lives in my backyard decided to say hi, which my cat didn't take too kindly to. She absolutely whooped his ass. Not a fun thing to wake up to. FML

agreeclassic 230

vote type 1 293

Superheroes Finger Family Song Johny Johny Yes Papa Nursery Rhymes Giant Syringe

By Anonymous - 16/01/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my niece and let her watch cartoons on YouTube while I cooked dinner. She screamed as I was cutting up carrots and I cut myself. She had turned on an episode of Happy Tree Friends and was now crying and wouldn't stop. My brother thumped me for not watching her. I now have a cut hand and black eye. FML

agreeclassic 318

vote type 1 528

Bruce Willis move

By Anonymous - 18/11/2023 00:00

Today, my wife straight up knocked my mother out cold with a straight jab to the face, turned to walk away, cracked her neck and announced to the world, “I’ve been waiting 4 years to do that.” What the hell has been going on around here? FML

agreeclassic 533

vote type 1 253

Fight Club

By Back to youtube - 23/10/2023 22:00

Today, two weeks after I got my girlfriend's son to watch old Tom & Jerry cartoons instead of those awful YouTube kids channels, he got in trouble at school for whapping another kid in the face with a toy mallet. He mentioned he wanted to be like Jerry. I'm a dead man when my girlfriend hears this. FML

agreeclassic 630

vote type 1 280

PTSD Andy

By Anonymous - 21/10/2023 05:00

Today, poorly applied makeup made it look like I have a black eye in most of my wedding photos. I would have laughed it off, but I was showing them to my brother who was deployed during the actual wedding. He saw the black eye, assumed it was domestic abuse, and attacked my husband. FML

agreeclassic 724

vote type 1 170

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

By huh? - 18/10/2023 17:30

Today, someone asked me a question and I responded with, “What?” They said, “Are you deaf as well as stupid!?” then punched me in the throat. I’m actually hard of hearing. FML

agreeclassic 783

vote type 1 123

Method acting

By hannahk267 - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML

agreeclassic 40 621

vote type 1 4 499

Tactical

By Anonymous - 10/10/2023 18:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered the hard way that training in martial arts means nothing when the thug harassing your wife at the bar has a mate stood behind you ready, willing, and able to kick you square in the balls with a toe-capped work boot while you’re getting into your correct fighting stance. FML

agreeclassic 644

vote type 1 367

Roaming gangs

By 23yearoldtoddler - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

agreeclassic 27 029

vote type 1 6 786

Them frenchies don't **** around

By Anonymous - 30/09/2023 00:02

Today, my son, who I admit has a temper, met his cousins from France for the first time. Straight away he lost his temper, but before I could step in, his younger cousin knocked him out cold with a right hook, looked me dead in the eye and said, “That’s how you get a bitch under control.” FML

agreeclassic 257

vote type 1 1 722

Scumbag

By old mom - 29/09/2023 06:00

Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML

agreeclassic 998

vote type 1 410

He had it coming

By Anonymous - 19/09/2023 22:00

Today, I found out why my son has been working out and taking martial arts classes. It was so he could beat his stepbrother up and put him in the hospital, as revenge for stealing his secret cash supply, over £4000. I'm too old and too tired for this. FML

agreeclassic 595

vote type 1 478

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, so far, I’ve been called the c-word, a bitch, and a douche. All by the same person, all because I wouldn't make them coffee at one in the morning. We don’t serve coffee until 6 a.m. FML

agreeclassic 988

vote type 1 106

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

agreeclassic 35 283

vote type 1 16 686

Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML

agreeclassic 27 361

vote type 1 15 868

Today, I had a conversation about how my day was, while dreaming. That’s how lonely I am. FML

agreeclassic 1 312

vote type 1 162

Today, I was working as a cashier at a restaurant. When I receive $50 and $100 bills I am required to have a manager check to make sure they are not counterfeit. Every manager I found yelled at me to find another manager because they were busy. Frustrated, I just accepted the bill. It was fake. FML

agreeclassic 37 589

vote type 1 6 690

Today, I'm trying to sleep. If I fall asleep now, that's still four hours of sleep. My brain: "Enjoy this retrospective of assorted failures from your childhood through today! We now join the program already in progress." FML

agreeclassic 867

vote type 1 168