I've got the hots for you

By Jarman - 26/07/2012 05:39 - United States - Columbus

Spicy
Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks 34 129
You deserved it 5 902

Same thing different taste

Top comments

CessOMG 3

I freaking hate it when that happens. FYL.

Comments

CessOMG 3

I freaking hate it when that happens. FYL.

1 - Exactly how many times have you had to turn down a sexy time because because your intestines were bursting with the desire to unleash molten lava..?

mrnuleef 7

I thought i was the only one! Fyl

Trisha_aus 15

Disappointingly? You do know when your body releases said molten lava you're not going to feel good...I don't think anyone likes the blast..and I'm sure you'll get many other opportunities for some sexy time.

SenselessPattern 12

Never miss sexy time. Ever. Strike 1, OP.

klovemachine 24

Well I guess it was better at home than in his pants :P

NeedaLifeSoon 2

I hate when that happens. Better luck next time man. :)

Airman1988 9

Shit happens.....sorry couldn't resist people

*Waits for inevitable "That's shitty" comment*

cantthinkofshit 5
Blackmail111 9

It may be small but it sure is mighty!

pillowsarecomfy 2

At least you figured out you needed the bathroom before you got in bed with this girl. That would have been an FML on a completely different level.

At least it was done in the privacy of your own home! I fear public restrooms! :P

So? OP could have flushed the toilet while he let out that tiny fart and nobody would suspect.

yes they would suspect something because they'd need to flush a second time...

puppytaco64 8

SHORT INTERLUDE.. Just came back from Portugal where me and my friends used "Me Gusta" against every stranger, not knowing if it was actually Spanish or Italian.. Good times :)

wild_n_out 8

They speak Portuguese there so it's not really that big a issue.

The wording of this post is awesome. Would you rather be disappointed by a small shit, or explode in the middle of your date and be embarrassed? Better safe than sorry.

Well at least it wasn't in front of the girl... Then there would be no next time. Now at least, you might have a second chance. Just pretending you were playing hard to get.

perdix 29

That's what you get for following your gut instead of thinking with your dick. She might have been into scat, so your digestive problems could have been an ass-et. I foresee an epic mudslide in your near future. (it's magic, it's tragic, it's a loss and a win.)

WearingHats 14

Asset. That is some funny shit.