FML : Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children...

343

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous / Sunday 4 December 2011 13:01 / United States

Intimacy

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Top comments

By Xx3rdBASSxX | 9

#3682623 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:05

Was the pillow pet Horney?

By MicroFuturism | 1

#3682628 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:05

Pfft don't be so uptight.

Comments

By Xx3rdBASSxX | 9

#3682623 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:05

Was the pillow pet Horney?

LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3682640 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:07

First

omgcookeys | 15

#3682667 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:09

It's a unicorn, so yeah, it's horny.

Xx3rdBASSxX | 9

#3682673 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:10

No I was first

LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3682678 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:10

I won the race! First or last losers!!

LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3682704 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:12

I was the first post on the first comment... First appears twice in that sentence. One applies to me and the other to Xx3rdbassxX. Learn to count...

SillyFart | 7

#3682707 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:13

I'm number 22 what do I win??!!?

LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3682724 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:15

22, You will receive ten cookies in the mail. It takes 5 business days to bake/send the cookies. Please be patient

SillyFart | 7

#3682730 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:17

Thank you very much, here is three internetz for you!

LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3682764 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:21

For the incorrect use of Internet (it DOES NOT have a Z and IS NOT plural), three of your ten cookies will arrive crumbled. Thank you for your time.

Meowingtons500 | 18

#3682786 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:25

Surprise pillow pet secks! The last to get violated by the horny unicorn wins! :D

LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3682814 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:29

You seem awfully jealous of my success... It probably comes from the way your parents treated you. Your brother Jacob always was first. He started in football, got the girls, and naturally your parents loved him instead of you. This abuse from a young age forced you into a life of arguing with obvious trolls on fml. Sorry....

Meowingtons500 | 18

#3682841 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:35

Has your childhood abuse caused you to become an obvious Internet troll on FML? :)

LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3682861 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:37

Only slightly! ;D

Meowingtons500 | 18

#3682882 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:40

Just saying, your little story about theislands family history is quite vivid. Are we trolls and stalkers? ;)

LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3682896 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:41

Both of course... Dumbass

LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3682910 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:44

Is anyone else wondering where the moderators are? They normally stop this crap from going on so long...

SillyFart | 7

#3682939 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:50

Where the heck did all the comments go??!!

VioletLife | 18

#3682952 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:53

Wait, you are calling him a child, yet you are the one with a pillow pet?

Meowingtons500 | 18

#3682996 - Sunday 4 December 2011 08:01

One step two step three step, four Pillow pets pillow pets, your boyfriend adores Raping unicorns; stop with the hate Lend an arm, before the unicorns fly back to the barn! And yes, this took me ten minutes to write. :)

BaconDave | 12

#3683006 - Sunday 4 December 2011 08:03

Wow, ten minutes and I still can't understand it.

n_epic_fail | 14

#3683028 - Sunday 4 December 2011 08:06

Doesn't matter, had sex.

keepcaImcarryon | 0

#3683089 - Sunday 4 December 2011 08:15

From the unicorn pillow pets perspective: "I just had seexx, and it felt so good. A woman let me stick my horn inside of herr!"

Liimitless | 6

#3683238 - Sunday 4 December 2011 08:42

*horny

teague95 | 16

#3683271 - Sunday 4 December 2011 08:45

Grammar nazis are only good for 1 thing. Failing

SillyFart | 7

#3683278 - Sunday 4 December 2011 08:47

How do we fail.. We correct people's mistakes.

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#3683408 - Sunday 4 December 2011 09:23

I thought girls liked it harder and faster. You're lucky you have sex.

cocobulla1 | 4

#3683545 - Sunday 4 December 2011 10:07

You're calling him childish? You're the one with a pillow pet...

Justforlolz | 12

#3683605 - Sunday 4 December 2011 10:23

112- *Facepalm*

Naitsi | 19

#3683648 - Sunday 4 December 2011 10:56

haha

reaganomics | 6

#3683657 - Sunday 4 December 2011 11:12

Not sure how this is a fml.....but at least the unicorns happy

morgan320 | 0

#3683727 - Sunday 4 December 2011 11:32

Pillowpet pillowpet, with a horn, Flies around raping newborn, Up and down, even sideways, Used and tired the newborn lays, The horn of the unicorn very dirty, I'm off guys, goodnight, derpy.

Meowingtons500 | 18

#3683896 - Monday 5 December 2011 12:29

Nice rip-off, morgan320.

reaganomics | 6

#3683922 - Monday 5 December 2011 12:32

Not sure how this is an FML.....but at least the unicorn is happy

free2speak | 14

#3684041 - Monday 5 December 2011 01:08

My sisters have pillow pets. they are also 4 year old. The Irving here is that you told him to stop acting like child but you own a pillowpet. O.o

DayAndNite | 8

#3684103 - Monday 5 December 2011 01:39

That's hot

lvlcapblue | 0

#3684105 - Monday 5 December 2011 01:40

He must be a brony, aka awesome!

alival | 12

#3684346 - Monday 5 December 2011 02:26

I just got my 5 yr old cousin a unicorn pillow pet 4 Christmas! How is it gonna act around her!!

Uscdrew1 | 6

#3685180 - Monday 5 December 2011 04:23

I would get one of those if they had one that looked like Twilight Sparkle.

ninjacutie | 6

#3685224 - Monday 5 December 2011 04:34

I'm 14 I have a pillow pet… but it's the lady bug one not the unicorn so I'm safe right guys? Anyway I think OP is freaking amazing for having a pillow pet I should make a club for all the cool kids who aren't like… children… that have pillow pets >.< hell my boyfriend has a pillow pet… oh dear god I hope he's not gay… WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS?

reaganomics | 6

#3685386 - Monday 5 December 2011 05:15

258 cocaine is a hell of a drug huh ?

minodino | 8

#3685828 - Monday 5 December 2011 07:44

The Irving? I'm not familiar with that term

youshitme | 9

#3686081 - Monday 5 December 2011 10:08

You're good for nothing then. If anything, they were a 'spelling' Nazi in this case.

free2speak | 14

#3687982 - Monday 5 December 2011 09:05

dammit iPhone, irony!!! not Irving. Anyway, I just cited my opinion. I think they are childish to have after a certain age. I have old stuffed animals (4) from my past that have sentimental value and that's why I keep them around and I'll admit I love playing with my little sister's barbies and stuffed animals with them, but I would never own one. I'm also 21 so that may be why. I don't see a problem with it if you're 14/16 but after that age it's a little weird.

cocobulla1 | 4

#3688753 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 12:50

I already said that.

rubberduckie94 | 13

#3717073 - Sunday 11 December 2011 10:44

too true. i thought the same thing. she probably has no sense of humor at all.

kittykat1501 | 31

#6348191 - Sunday 12 July 2015 03:49

258 me too! I have a whole collection. I've had them since I was little

By LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3682626 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:05

Boner boner boner

SillyFart | 7

#3682794 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:26

Every1luvzbonerz

M0rt | 0

#3682808 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:28

I loved boners but then I took an arrow to the knee

LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3682829 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:33

Boner boner boner

SillyFart | 7

#3682835 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:34

I used to be an idiotic troll.. Then I got a punch in the face

LuLzUnDaTaBrDgE | 0

#3682873 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:39

I used to get punched in the face, so I became an idiotic troll... Boner boner boner

By MicroFuturism | 1

#3682628 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:05

Pfft don't be so uptight.

KatherineAnne | 7

#3683101 - Sunday 4 December 2011 08:18

Legit. I would have just laughed if my bf did that. And he prolly would. O_o

xcarxcrashx | 9

#3683165 - Sunday 4 December 2011 08:29

Seriously. Calm down. If this fucks your life then you have bigger problems.

silhouettelove | 0

#3683351 - Sunday 4 December 2011 09:10

Bahaha lord knows my boyfriend would do that

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#3683494 - Sunday 4 December 2011 09:53

So would mine!!

JinxosGirl87 | 0

#3683780 - Sunday 4 December 2011 11:54

Actually I would be the one doing this to my boyfriend as he tries to escape :)

shadexilmaendu | 4

#4015500 - Friday 10 February 2012 03:17

Really. XD my bf and I do shit like this to each other on a daily basis. Being silly just means he's comfortable with you xD

By Lesslerr01 | 1

#3682635 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:06

Hahaha that's cute :) you and your boyfriend are comfortable enough with each other for this stuff to happen. Not an FML

DocBastard | 38

#3682658 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:08

Obviously she is NOT comfortable with it, so it IS an FML. Otherwise she wouldn't have posted it. Right? Right.

osnapitzjp | 0

#3682727 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:16

Right

BIGBOY4rmAHM | 19

#3682790 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:25

Wrong. Maybe she was annoyed from something else.

SillyFart | 7

#3682969 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:56

Left

By mozeltov | 7

#3682637 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:07

Is It just me or did that make no sense whatsoever

MicroFuturism | 1

#3682650 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:07

It's just you :P

Lanceeden | 12

#3682701 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:12

I had to read it a second time. First time around it sounded like her arm was humping the pillow.

flockz | 19

#3682754 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:19

first time i read it i imagined op's boyfriend as pedobear, especially when he said "children don't have sex like this." then he added on to the description.

UrCapsLockOn | 12

#3683009 - Sunday 4 December 2011 08:04

when i read it the first time it was like he's humping the pillow ,,, but now everything under control

rabTAI | 3

#3683236 - Sunday 4 December 2011 08:42

Make no sense, how come this is Fuck your Life.

ngarcia333 | 0

#3683566 - Sunday 4 December 2011 10:10

It just sux!!!

CityCunt | 0

#3691968 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 12:09

It didn't make any sense. She is bitching about his actions being "childish" yet she is the one that still keeps a stuffed animal around. Fucking hypocrites these days...

By rawrface22 | 10

#3682647 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:07

Who doesn't love humping unicorns?

MichellinMan | 20

#3683650 - Sunday 4 December 2011 10:59

I didn't like it when my unicorn humped me. Right before a blow job, I got stabbed in the tesicle.

ohSNAPyall | 26

#3683819 - Monday 5 December 2011 12:06

Leapfroggers.

M0rt | 0

#3683994 - Monday 5 December 2011 12:52

I loved humping unicorns but then I took an arrow to the knee

evig_fml | 16

#3684150 - Monday 5 December 2011 02:03

196 nice skyrim reference

ArielTheMermaid | 17

#3684738 - Monday 5 December 2011 03:15

Nothing wrong with having a pillow pet. I have two and am getting a third for christmas :)

By zanrothnis | 2

#3682654 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:07

How did this all end?

MikeDa1Da | 14

#3682799 - Sunday 4 December 2011 07:27

She ended up humping his unicorn ;)

RedPillSucks | 30

#3683232 - Sunday 4 December 2011 08:41

A shotgun blast to the eyes?

zurisbloodyrose | 0

#3683281 - Sunday 4 December 2011 08:47

Massive orgy.

TheFunnyzach | 3

#3683365 - Sunday 4 December 2011 09:13

#42 Umad bro?

zakkyzebra | 11

#3683437 - Sunday 4 December 2011 09:35

Glitter. Everywhere.

themacuser | 0

#3683740 - Sunday 4 December 2011 11:37

He died two weeks later. op couldn't cope and moved away to start a new life.

JinxosGirl87 | 0

#3683789 - Sunday 4 December 2011 11:57

The unicorn reclined while puffing on a plushy cigarette.

signuplogin | 1

#3684892 - Monday 5 December 2011 03:34

Did anybody notice that she told hi to stop being childish yet she is the one with the unicorn pillow pet... I know alot of adults have them but if she has a childs toy around them she shouldn't say that