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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

#21021456
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59787) - you deserved it (4367)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by stalked - United States (Florida)

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

#21045407
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41666) - you deserved it (4534)

On 01/30/2014 at 5:46pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

#21046154
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47247) - you deserved it (4021)

On 01/31/2014 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I downloaded a movie for my mom that she really likes, "When Harry Met Sally". When she loaded the file, we soon found out it was actually some kind of obscure porno billed as "When Harry Wet Sally". FML

#21018145
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45999) - you deserved it (9148)

On 01/05/2014 at 6:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

#21012409
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50228) - you deserved it (11922)

On 01/01/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by Lonesome (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

#21015673
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46291) - you deserved it (4975)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21850) - you deserved it (48719)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

#21031414
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51394) - you deserved it (9634)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

#21046394
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43360) - you deserved it (8243)

On 01/31/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

#21026645
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49764) - you deserved it (4500)

On 01/13/2014 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

#21020397
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50915) - you deserved it (4951)

On 01/07/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

#21015630
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36852) - you deserved it (11959)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by thanks.... (man) - United States

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

#21021931
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40310) - you deserved it (12614)

On 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm - misc - by chapstick (man) - United States (California)



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