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By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 08:01

Unfortunate

Today, I was eatings a bag of chips when one of the pieces broke off into a sharp point and when I chewed it, it stabbed into my gums. When I got up to wash the blood out of my mouth, I hit my big toe on my desk corner. FML
I agree, your life sucks
573
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71
2 Comments
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By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 13:58

Housemates from hell

Today, my housemate saw some stuff in the barn, thought I surely wouldn’t be using it, so he stacked lots of lawn furniture on top. The “stuff” in question? Bales of hay. As in, daily food for my horses. FML
I agree, your life sucks
683
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48
2 Comments
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By maryann - 13/1/2021 08:01

Skinny love

Today, despite begging my parents to get food other than diet and weight loss stuff, they refused. I'm bullied for being skinny on a daily basis. FML
I agree, your life sucks
764
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71
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By An. - 11/1/2021 15:01 - United States - Denver

Good job

Today, after a really bad day, I just wanted to order DoorDash. When my food came, I saw my burger had tomatoes in it, despite requesting no tomatoes. I’m deathly allergic. FML
I agree, your life sucks
877
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94
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By Anonymous - 11/1/2021 20:02

Clumsy

Today, I was making Cup Noodles for breakfast. After microwaving it for 3 minutes, I carefully grabbed the cup to pour some water out, but my hand gave out and some water spilled on it. Now I have a burned hand and no noodles. FML
I agree, your life sucks
636
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193
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By Anonymous - 11/1/2021 11:01

Hmmm, steak

Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML
I agree, your life sucks
358
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816
6 Comments
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By Anonymous - 5/1/2021 23:02

FEED ME

Today, I woke up in a military hospital, after having all four wisdom teeth out yesterday. A nurse came in with a breakfast trolley full of eggs and bacon, looks at my pleading face, looks at her clipboard and says, "Only non-solid foods for you, private." FML
I agree, your life sucks
744
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110
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By Anonymous - 5/1/2021 19:59

Iron Chef America

Today, I thought about trying something "new", so I put raspberry preserves and maple syrup on my waffles. It tasted like cough medicine. FML
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474
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358
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By Anonymous - 4/1/2021 04:58

The runs

Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML
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697
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392
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By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 23:01

Eggs

Today, while eating breakfast with my family, I asked my mother if there was any more scrambled eggs in the skillet because I really felt like having some more. She got mad at me because she thought I'd asked in a sarcastic manner. I wasn't joking. FML
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692
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75
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By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 23:01 - Germany - Zittau

Suffer little chives

Today, I found out where the puddle in the basement came from. I thought the freezer was broken, but no. My mom is running what can only be called a death camp for vegetables in there. She buys them, then forgets about them until they turn liquid. FML
I agree, your life sucks
867
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55
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By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 17:01

Masterchef 2020

Today, I invented a new fusion cuisine delicacy: cigarette-flavored apple sauce. The recipe? Cram so many apple pieces in a pot that they will burn on the bottom, even with plenty of water in it, then go away for 30 minutes and wonder what the bad smell is. FML
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193
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709
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By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 16:57

Friend request

Today, I saw a man begging for change downtown. I offered to buy him a meal, just to help him out with food. He said, "Sure, does Friday work?" I told him that I didn't mean it like that. Three hours later, he found me on Facebook. FML
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801
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124
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By Lillian - 25/12/2020 01:58 - United States

Are you OK, hun?

Today, I walked into a store to buy a type of bread I like. The stuff was sold out, so I asked an employee when they'll be restocking it. The employee yelled at me, because, "They do have that bread," walks to the isle, and then when she saw that they really were out of the bread, she walked off. FML
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943
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79
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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 02:04 - United States - White Plains

Bad day

Today, I woke up feeling like I was on top of the world, until I got to work and I was demoted. Then I ordered Uber Eats for lunch, the driver was late and gave me the wrong meal. The worst part was when I got home and was dumped by my girlfriend via text. FML
I agree, your life sucks
1215
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64
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By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 07:56 - Germany - Zittau

Addams Family Values

Today, I heard my mom say to the dogs, "Are you hungry? Do you want something tasty out of the garbage can?" Don’t worry though, she probably only meant the one in our garden, where she keeps the deer heads. FML
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649
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68
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By Uh-SLEEP - 11/12/2020 03:01 - United States - Litchfield Park

Masterchef

Today, our stove broke. Now, we have to cook using a toaster oven. FML
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502
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58
3 Comments
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By Anonymous - 9/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Bodyshaming

Today, my coworker doesn't want to go to lunch with me anymore, after I lost a load of weight in lockdown and she's still "overweight." Apparently, I've "changed, and not the same person." FML
I agree, your life sucks
632
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46
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By Jules - 9/12/2020 08:02 - Germany - Norden

Uncomfortable

Today, while many women have a wardrobe full of nothing-to-wear, my mom has a fridge full of nothing-to-eat and a living room full of nowhere-to-sit. FML
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545
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73
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By maisumepg
Today, it’s the third month of my diet. Every dream I’ve had since I started has been entirely about junk food. Every. Single. One. FML
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2010
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274
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By VHBJ - United States - Charlotte

Pranked

Today, I went out to eat. When I walked into the restaurant, a lady approached me and said she'd seat me soon. After a long wait, I saw that same lady leave. Then I realized she didn't actually work there and was just screwing with me. FML
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31719
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3512
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By phones - United States

Priorities

Today, I accidentally spilled a big glass of water on the table, where I had some papers, my cellphone, and a box of donuts. With lightning reflexes, my sister heroically jumped forward and saved the donuts. FML
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29791
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86 Comments
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By ohforcheese - United States
Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say, "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML
I agree, your life sucks
29522
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8498
186 Comments
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By CRC - United States

Damned freshmen

Today, a freshman set off the fire alarm in my dorm at 2 a.m. He tried to microwave Easy Mac without adding water. I had to stand outside for 45 minutes while the firemen moved the noodles to the sink and ran cold water over them. FML
I agree, your life sucks
29214
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2367
150 Comments
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By Anonymous - Ireland

I heard that

Today, I organised a romantic day trip for me and my boyfriend to some tropical gardens. I packed lunch and paid for the tickets. He decided to bring a friend, who doesn't speak English. The only thing that he said that I understood was that, "Your girlfriend eats a lot." FML
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32161
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108 Comments
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Nearly  
Today, I arranged for the President to give a speech in Alamo, Texas. His advance crew instead notified The Alamo in San Antonio, Texas to set up the event....
I agree, your life sucks
41
You deserved it
21
1 Comments
Today, I heard my mom and my 11 years old sister talking about how being gay or bi is funny and everybody should be straight.I'm bi(14 years old) and...
I agree, your life sucks
81
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12
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  Spicy
  Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much...
I agree, your life sucks
400
You deserved it
92
5 Comments
  Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML
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7 Comments
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