Weird

You did what?

By Now we both get punished! - 06/08/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I'm so strapped for cash, I had to send my daughter to play with my neighbor's daughter, both are 5, because she gets fed there. She suddenly came home saying they're not friends anymore, bragging how she hit her and she bled while crying. Why? She bought 2 new toys and gave her one, so they have the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 116

Family

By Anonymous - 04/08/2026 09:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my father lectured me on the “sanctity of marriage” while his third wife bawled in the corner. I'm just gay, not a raging cunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 89

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

By I want to forget too... - 03/08/2026 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 59

Suspicious activity

By Lexa - 02/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, my husband made an elaborate heartfelt speech to a female colleague regarding her job promotion during her celebration dinner that had everyone in tears. During our wedding, he insisted on not do wedding vows because he “doesn’t like all that emotional shit.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 88

Toast

By [email protected] - 31/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Garden City

Today I watched my 90 year-old father-in-law's friend dip an entire piece of bread into her wine glass, swish it around with her fork, and then eat it. In a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 85

You swap what?

By Anonymous - 30/07/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend let me in on a little family secret. His brothers often swap girlfriends and wives. They insist it’s not weird because the siblings themselves aren’t doing anything together, just the in-laws. It’s still too close for comfort and too weird to ignore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 60

Seek help

By Anonymous - 28/07/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I realized my friends were right about my obsession for my only son when I found myself genuinely jealous when I heard he recently got a new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 611

Freaky family

By Anonymous - 18/07/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I missed my daughter’s engagement because her cousin has a crush on her and was planning to ruin it. So while my daughter was agreeing to get married, my sister and I were in the car park with the jealous little shit in a headlock, whilst screaming that he loved her and that it’s not fair. He’s 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 70

Brain melting

By drunk n high - 17/07/2026 12:00 - United States - Reno

Today, while stumbling drunkenly down a trail, I saw a sign that said "Watch for Falling Rocks." I spent the next five minutes confused and wondering how I was supposed to know which rocks were planning to fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 384

YouTube? OurTube!

By Hackme - 11/07/2026 22:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I managed to convince my wife that a random YouTube profile logged into our bedroom TV was a hacker who'd hacked our Wi-Fi and planted a virus on our TV. She ate it up like an all you can eat buffet. The profile is actually a coworker of mine, who I’ve been secretly seeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 1 012

What is wrong with you?

By Anonymous - 11/07/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, my husband came to me with a proposition. He asked in all honesty if he could please have a one-time pass to have sex with someone else. He said that she’s a virgin and it’s always been his dream, and something every man deserves in this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 111

Pied piper

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 09/07/2026 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the school called and their first words were, "We only took our eyes off her for a second." It's worse than you can imagine. My daughter had been digging a hole under the fence at the back of the schoolyard all week. She lead a breakout of her kindergarten class under the fence and down a commuter railway track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 66

You OK, mate?

By Anonymous - 02/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to my girlfriend's mom's horse barn. Then I stepped in horse poop. Also I am full of dust. Dusty boi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 132

ASMR

By Anonymous - 28/06/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a secret video folder of lesbians kissing from movies, TV shows, and games like The Last of Us, Arcane, Georgia and Ginny, and so on. He says it’s his ASMR folder because something about lesbian kissing noises is extra relaxing and helps him sleep. Yeah, right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 139

I won't share you

By Anonymous - 25/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, it's week four of my best friend, who "wasn't interested", still being on a drunken bender after I told her I was possibly going to see someone new. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 64

A bit of an overreaction

By Anonymous - 24/06/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the reason my ex-fiance didn't visit me in the hospital after my accident, which I dumped him for, was because the hospital wouldn't let him in because he wasn't family. He's blocked my number, returned the ring and everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 723

Road rage

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, when I stopped at a light, I tossed a banana peel into a field along the side of the road. The man behind me got out of his car, picked up the banana peel and threw it back into my car at me. When I tried to tell him it was biodegradable, he told me to "stop making up words." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 077

You deserved it 34 425

Fake news

By Anonymous - 20/06/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom - Hartlepool

Today, my husband told me that his brother has told him that we slept together years ago. We didn't, it's a lie, and I'm so shocked that at first that I was convinced that this must be some sort of joke that I'm waiting to hear the punch line for. It turns out my husband was completely serious and needless to say we argued about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 107

Bunch of dorks

By leela - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a group of guys came into my restaurant, dressed up in some kind of role-playing game clothing. Apparently I pronounced one of their fake elf names wrong, because the guy complained to my manager, who then bitched me out in front of everyone for upsetting the customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 984

You deserved it 4 903

What did I do wrong?

By Anonymous - 15/06/2026 09:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, after wishing my closest friend a happy birthday yesterday, he ghosted me without saying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 53

Congratulations?

By I hate my life - 14/06/2026 22:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I was reminded that I'd submitted a short story to a writing competition months ago when I got an email saying I'd won second place. I excitedly forwarded it to friends and family. A few minutes later, another email arrived, explaining they'd contacted the wrong person. My celebration lasted exactly eleven minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 70

YouTube crime degree

By Anonymous - 12/06/2026 03:00 - Canada - Fort Nelson

Today, I got contacted by an arm-chair detective do-gooder who was convinced my dad is a serial killer. I asked around and it turns out the do-gooder is actually prime suspect for a local murder and dismemberment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 63

Happy V-Day

By Anonymous - 02/06/2026 03:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I got a DM from an unknown sender saying “Happy Anniversary.” It was my 11th grade boyfriend and the “Anniversary” was of us losing our virginity to each other. This happened over 20 years ago! I’ve blocked his creepy ass more times than I can count, but he just won’t stay away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 49

Pay your respects

By whymyliferose - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss's cat died. I'm expected to attend the service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 530

You deserved it 4 600

Extra NSFW

By WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK - 31/05/2026 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, my girlfriend told me how she got the scars on her legs. I'd assumed they were self-harm scars. Nope, apparently getting sliced up turns her on, and if I want a good sex life, I'd better get used to cutting her thighs with a razor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 121

Safety first

By Anonymous - 29/05/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, my parents had my little sister's birthday pool party at our house. My mom decided to tell all the guests that the pool was "just for decoration" and nobody would actually be allowed to swim in it. Cue a million screaming tantrums and my parents and even me receiving tons of hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 114

Strange encounter

By Anonymous - 24/05/2026 12:00 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I finished a very difficult order and brought it to a client's house. He greeted me at the door in his underwear, and thanked me by kissing me. Now his whole neighbourhood probably thinks we're gay, even though I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 88

Dementia?

By Anonymous - 24/05/2026 00:00 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my dad called me a pussy and said I wasn't a real man, simply because I hugged and kissed my son and told him that I loved him. It gets even better though. My dad was openly affectionate and loving to me when I was a kid, then somewhere along the line, he became this horrible person. Can't go no contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 72

Where on Earth do you work?

By Horrorized - 22/05/2026 03:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my spiritual faith is put to the test. Divine intervention? Spiritual challenge? No. I somehow got in the middle of a violent argument between two colleagues, who both think I'm on the opposing side. One claims she knows witchcraft, the other claims to have "unseen friends" who owe him big. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 84

Not a geography major

By Yulia - 19/05/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I learned that the guy I was dating got with me under the impression that I was Asian. I have Asian features but I’m from Kazakhstan, which is a former Soviet country part of Asia. When I told him I spoke Russian, he called me a “communist Putin puppet” and to “stop making up fake countries.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 69

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 259

You deserved it 2 420

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 773

You deserved it 3 178

Today, I went for an interview regarding a seasonal position I'd been offered at a grocery store. The manager showed up 45 minutes past the scheduled interview time, cheerfully greeted me, and took me back to his office, just to tell me that they don't hire seasonal help. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 939

You deserved it 3 777

Today, I locked lips with someone, or rather something, other than family for the first time in my life. It was a CPR dummy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 923

You deserved it 7 380

Today, I’ve been depressed lately and can’t get motivation to clean. My husband helped me clean, while he continued to complain how I should've done this while I was off work. My depression is from his meth use, dating websites, porn, and lying to me about it for 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 324

Today, I was at a wedding, and during the bouquet toss, I stood back and let the single ladies have their moment. The bouquet flew straight at me, hit me in the face, and I instinctively grabbed it. Now everyone thinks I’m desperate to get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 120