Wanker! - FML

Wanker!

By EmbarrassedBather - 09/06/2019 00:00

Spicy

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 065

You deserved it 383

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Same thing different taste

By WhitneyHouston - 06/07/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 683

You deserved it 15 317

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 046

You deserved it 2 956

Oh mother, I can feel, the soiiiiil falling over my heaaaaaaad

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 10:27 - United States

Today, I was informed by my next door neighbor that they heard me singing in the shower last night. I laughed and she told me that the family gathers in their upstairs room closest to my bathroom window to guess which song I'm singing. Every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 609

You deserved it 6 604

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

By Morrissey2.0 - 17/06/2024 14:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was singing my heart out in the shower, convinced I was alone. Turns out my roommate had friends over, and they could hear everything through the bathroom vent. Now, they keep requesting encore performances of my renditions of songs by The Smiths. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 165

By bathroomgirl - 11/08/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, thinking I was alone in a public bathroom, I started singing the words to my favorite song. A minute later that I heard a toilet flush, so I just sat there petrified. The other person sarcastically picked up the singing from where I left off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 074

You deserved it 37 195

By youlovewaffles - 03/08/2019 04:00

Today, I was talking to myself in the shower, pretending I was Oprah. After I got out, my little brother asked if I was singing in the bathroom. I almost said no, but admitting to singing seemed a lot less embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 435

By Anonymous - 13/07/2014 17:54 - Canada - Tatamagouche

Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 947

You deserved it 7 032

By morethanredhands - 21/05/2012 05:56

Spicy

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 754

You deserved it 7 821

Imitation

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 16:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 058

You deserved it 61 603

By Username - 13/12/2010 18:10 - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out, I noticed a bunch of things missing, and a note on my desk saying "shut the f*ck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 092

You deserved it 4 302

Next

Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 34

Sunday 9 June 2019 2:09

Gotta hit those high notes somehow.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 9 June 2019 1:10

You sing the masturbation anthems, “Dancing with Myself” and “She-Bop?”

Comments

schuli 10

Sunday 9 June 2019 0:25

perfect style of singing a song!

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 9 June 2019 1:10

You sing the masturbation anthems, “Dancing with Myself” and “She-Bop?”

BurnInDemonFire 34

Sunday 9 June 2019 2:09

Gotta hit those high notes somehow.

Nhayaa 21

Sunday 9 June 2019 4:46

Well, some people sound like one of their fingers is stuck in a door when they sing, and it's kinda the same sometimes when masturbating so...

hereforfmls 17

Sunday 9 June 2019 11:55

don't sing when masturbating

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

Monday 10 June 2019 14:40

unless you make goo and gah sounds and say oh baby then call it singing then. ilI can see the confusion

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Awkward Management Work Poopoo peepee Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Dating Love Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy Confused AITA Parents

The Top

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 655

You deserved it 3 775

Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 534

You deserved it 45 203

The Top

Today, I got officially uninvited to a party. This is the third one this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 399

You deserved it 8 334

Today, I asked my family not to disturb me while I slept, as I had hit over 72 hours of insomnia. My family must have heard me say, “Come in every 20 minutes and wake me up with whatever banal shit you can think of.” I gave up when my mother-in-law decided to enter my room and start vacuuming the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 113

Today, my family invited a bunch of their friends over for a party. At some point they decided to play some home videos from many years ago. In one of them, I was 7, I said, "Look Mommy! I can make my pee-pee bigger by doing this!" Everyone saw and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 997

You deserved it 4 489

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he came. This was a good thing, except that when he did, he started bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I asked him about it, all he said was, "I thought you'd like it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 597

You deserved it 4 203

Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 356

You deserved it 22 757

Today, even three months after seeing 'Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan', I can’t think about anything or anyone except Saavik anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 542