Health: Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry...

By Anonymous - 26/10/2015 04:42

Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns and it hurts to sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 477

You deserved it 5 717

Health

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Purr Evil

Family ties

By Anonymous - 08/07/2012 21:03 - United States - Marinette

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 549

You deserved it 7 499

By MotherMary - 12/10/2014 13:21 - United States - Park Hills

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 973

You deserved it 5 252

By anonymous - 24/09/2016 13:10 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was told I needed to start carrying bandaids with me at work because practically every day I hurt myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 117

You deserved it 2 317

By Mr. Sniffles - 23/03/2015 15:43 - United States - Hamilton

Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 089

You deserved it 2 606

By regstl - 01/06/2013 06:21 - United States - Beaverton

Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 096

You deserved it 3 305

By ljcxo17 - 01/07/2011 08:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me. But not to worry, he said she's only in town for a week then he's done with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 162

You deserved it 4 538

Two things that aren't the same

By YanezIbanez - 13/05/2021 06:01

Today, my mother called me "wasteful" because I left the refrigerator door open and that "electricity money doesn’t grow on trees." This is the same person who lets my little sister have her light on all night, because she’s scared of the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 1 272

Without me

By CrescentSelene - 23/12/2019 20:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I saw my mom's Facebook profile picture for the first time. It had all of my family members in it. I was cropped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 224

You deserved it 230

By seriously? - 22/12/2012 22:19 - United States - Spring

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 467

You deserved it 7 566

By notacaveman - 16/04/2013 13:27 - Netherlands

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 072

You deserved it 13 409

Strange noise

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 18:00

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 708

You deserved it 209

By cnkk07 - 14/10/2011 10:36 - United States

Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 516

You deserved it 2 505

By BaldingQuick - 02/02/2010 07:34 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. This was after I saved several paychecks to afford to give her a weekend away for her birthday. Why did she end things so quick? Because apparently I'm balding faster than her Dad. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 495

You deserved it 2 637

By dez - 16/10/2016 05:05 - United States - Louisville

Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't have an email, I have a Gmail." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 495

You deserved it 1 084

By Kiera Ayala - 08/06/2019 12:00

Today, I got into bed as my cat crept under it. I then heard him gagging, so I instantly got back up to get him out, because my floor is carpeted. As I pulled him into the hall, he flew upwards, made a horrific "Blagh!" sound, projectile vomited everywhere, then hit the wall and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 283

By Anonymous - 29/10/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 087

You deserved it 28 725

By black hoodie - 19/05/2013 23:07 - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 094

You deserved it 5 951

By tmi. - 01/11/2012 13:52 - Australia

Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 997

You deserved it 1 893

By breathexali - 24/07/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 039

You deserved it 29 095

By Me - 05/01/2010 07:16 - France

Today, I was rejected for a job I really wanted, they said I didn't have enough experience. I designed the systems they are implementing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 715

You deserved it 2 059

Light bulb moment

By stupid!!! - 02/09/2020 19:58

Today, my lamp wouldn’t turn on. I spent a good 10 minutes looking for a replacement bulb before I thought to check if it was plugged in. It wasn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 1 022

By Anonymous - 22/03/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, my little 7 year old brother asked me what horny meant whilst in the car with my parents. When I wouldn't tell him what it meant he screamed, "I'm getting horny!" at the top of his lungs, and told my parents that I told him to say it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 639

You deserved it 7 110

By dracer - 04/02/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years who I helped through drug rehab and find employment in my office left me for someone else. His explanation was that now that his "head is not clouded with chemicals" and he "makes decent money", he wants to settle down with someone worthy of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 854

You deserved it 3 950

By Anonymous - 07/03/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, I was cooking and I burned my thumb. I had some first-aid burn spray, so I sprayed it on. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and when I flicked my lighter, my thumb went up in flames. Turns out that first-aid burn spray is flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 290

You deserved it 45 968

Classic mistake

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 15:01 - United States - Fargo

Today, I woke up from a dead sleep needing to fart. The second I tried to push it out, I realized it wasn't wasn't fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 408

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 837

You deserved it 3 547

By clumsy - 07/05/2013 00:45 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I tried to "trip" and fall into this guy I've had a crush on. I missed and fell on my face. He stepped over me and kept walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 827

You deserved it 53 875

By backtosquareone - 04/04/2017 08:00 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, after months of searching, I was offered a job. After hearing how excited I was on the phone, HR docked the initial salary offer by 40% in the written contract. She said it was non-negotiable. Guess I'm back to job hunting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 542

You deserved it 456

By Anonymous - 27/03/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, I kissed a boy I have liked since the first day of university. I was thrilled until he followed it with, "Right, I don't think we should tell anyone this happened. Not that they'd believe it anyway." He then patted my ass and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 070

You deserved it 4 659

By LagSwitchFTW - 25/01/2013 22:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 993

You deserved it 5 989

By Awkward... - 29/01/2013 09:40 - United States - Killeen

Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 067

You deserved it 4 967

By Username - 09/08/2011 00:03 - United States

Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis functions fine. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't a professional bodybuilder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 661

You deserved it 13 477

By fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 079

You deserved it 7 995

By FML - 05/01/2012 15:56 - United States

Today, I received a ticket for not having my headlights on. The cop who pulled me over had a broken headlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 768

You deserved it 4 931

By Anonymous - 21/04/2013 17:36 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 129

You deserved it 6 417

Deadbeat

By stepdaddydoesitbetteranyway - 13/10/2020 20:05

Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our 2, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 123

By FuckedOver - 14/01/2016 14:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out my mom took around $2,500 from my savings account to pay off my sister's college tuition. She recently flunked out of her studies and won't be returning to college anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 746

You deserved it 1 590

By whyarewerelated - 08/09/2011 15:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was working alone in the office with my brother. He's run out of work to do, so has been singing Disney songs loudly and badly, throwing stationery at me, and just now snuck up on me from behind and wrapped duct tape round my face. It's just us in the office next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 025

You deserved it 2 845

By The hopeful - 26/12/2016 08:29

Today, my ex-boyfriend called me. I was really excited, thinking he wanted to get back together. He just wanted to get back the Christmas present he gave me before we broke up so that he could return it for cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 257

You deserved it 1 003

Straining

By NoPeeGiven - 14/04/2013 05:10 - United States - Palatine

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 825

You deserved it 9 951

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Top comments

jarrettd 27

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:23

I know what you're all thinking. Don't you do it. Don't post anything regarding the words "shitty" or the word "situation" in any order At all Ever.

DivTech 7

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:22

Taco Bell much?

alex_gen 38

Monday 26 October 2015 15:21

What a shitty situation.

A07 48

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:29

Cue the most overused pun on FML

jarrettd 27

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:31

What did i just say? Cmon we gatta listen here.

A07 48

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:47

#15 should've gotten there before #1

kandysnow 18

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Monday 26 October 2015 17:05

Aaaand there it is.

DaRito 25

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Monday 26 October 2015 20:10

Let's be honest guys, it's still really funny simply because it's overused.

shay_serendipity 29

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Monday 26 October 2015 20:19

Not really, it's lost its humor to me at this point. Seeing yet another pun saying 'shitty situation' just makes me sigh. Disappointing really.

DivTech 7

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:22

Taco Bell much?

A07 48

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:49

Because Taco Bell means a burning asshole spewing liquid shit

WinterChild 20

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Monday 26 October 2015 16:40

Uh yeah... Generally it does...

derangedplanet 23

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Monday 26 October 2015 16:54

have you ever been to taco bell? most people feel like they squirted hot sauce into their ass crack. haha. taco bell is asshole hell.

PANDORUM89 21

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Monday 26 October 2015 18:36

I don't understand this. I mean if you are having explosive craps that burn like the fires of hell, then maybe you should 1. stop eating at taco bell or 2. change what you order from there, maybe cut back on the added hot sauce. I'm a frequent flyer with them and I've never experienced this problem.

HoboRain 15

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Monday 26 October 2015 19:36

I used to go there alot, and then my asshole exploded...

Crossing 17

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Monday 26 October 2015 22:46

I'm a manager at Taco Bell and my ass has been raw since day one. From the food that is.

derangedplanet 23

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Tuesday 27 October 2015 4:08

you sure you don't have a fun store manager 66? hah. and I don't actually eat taco bell really because I don't eat meat. but I've heard all the notable complaints from everyone. plus addictions come at a cost....

higgysaurus 18

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Tuesday 27 October 2015 4:57

I like how #79 managed to tell us that she was vegan/vegetarian without anybody even asking. Well done.

laden_swallow09 34

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Tuesday 27 October 2015 6:47

I must be the luckiest sunuvabitch alive! I have yet to get the runs after eating at any Taco Bells in recent memory. McDonald's, on the other hand…

skyttlz 32

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Tuesday 27 October 2015 9:02

I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't get the runs after eating Taco Bell

saifnaqvi11 21

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:23

I cringed while reading this

Lalala579121 27

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Monday 26 October 2015 21:28

I cringed more at the first comment.

jarrettd 27

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:23

I know what you're all thinking. Don't you do it. Don't post anything regarding the words "shitty" or the word "situation" in any order At all Ever.

Tripartita 44

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:29

No need to be pissy. ;-)

Movel 17

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:30

It appears you were two minutes too late.

jarrettd 27

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:32

Damn it all.

Zuniga01 14

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Monday 26 October 2015 19:49

Bro, you just contradicted your own comment... whoa broh.

Lalala579121 27

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Monday 26 October 2015 21:30

Situation shitty just sounds like another Adam Sandler movie about taking care of a baby.

rashpimplezitz 9

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Tuesday 27 October 2015 5:49

Good call. They'd get shot down instantly by the ravenous community that FML unfortunately holds.

xxlittlemsanime 24

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:25

Omf, I've been in the same situation. Cranberry pills are the way to go and drink plenty of water. Good luck OP.

tantanpanda 26

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Tuesday 27 October 2015 0:59

Cranberry juice doesn't get rid of current infections since the bacteria are already in the mucous lining. Cranberry juice does, however, line the urethra to prevent infection.

davidpropert 32

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:25

If it's wet, you're set

lulinator 40

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:26

Go get the damn antibiotics! I used the cranberry method to try to get rid of a bladder infection this summer, and I thought it worked because the pain was gone. Until a week and a half later when I came down with a horrible kidney infection, I wanted to die. Cranberry juice and pills are a preventative, not a cure.

Movel 17

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:45

Don't get antibiotics unless you actally have an infection and your doctor tells you to take them! Unnecessary and wrong use of antibiotics leads to resistant bacteria, which can possibly kill people. Let your immune system do its job! (to a certain degree of course)

lulinator 40

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:54

Obviously that goes without saying. Any decent doctor will do a urine test to ensure the patient actually has a UTI before prescribing the antibiotics.

9a_1z 12

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Monday 26 October 2015 16:29

I agree people shouldn't leap straight to antibiotics for everything, but that sounds terrible, UTIs can be horrible. Going to the doctors and getting your urine tested is a reasonable thing to do, it doesn't necessarily mean they'll be pumping you full of antibiotics if they don't think they're needed.

Snaxia 12

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Monday 26 October 2015 16:37

Honestly you should not wait to let the body flush it out. Last time I did that I ended up exasperating the problem and getting a kidney infection. As much as antibiotics suck, sometimes we have to utilize the modern medicine we have and just take them.

ce2009 4

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Friday 30 October 2015 17:26

I wish more people would think this way most of the time of you're already feeling a you it's too late to try to flush it out of your system. and yes antibiotics suck but your Dr is supposed to wait for a culture to come back to prescribe an antibiotic that should work unfortunately I know about this shit all too well