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Tuesday 1 April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57206) - you deserved it (7373)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

#21102110
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44295) - you deserved it (5398)

On 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm - kids - by derped-out sperm (man) - Ireland

Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML

#21102227
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41575) - you deserved it (4594)

On 04/01/2014 at 8:02pm - love - by that kind of girl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, disappointed with my results on a mathematics test, I went over it and realized my teacher had added up the marks incorrectly, leaving me with 17% less than I earned. The person who's supposed to be teaching me math can't even perform basic arithmetic. FML

#21101903
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40411) - you deserved it (3670)

On 04/01/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML

#21101967
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40495) - you deserved it (11510)

On 04/01/2014 at 3:21pm - love - by someone (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I have pink eye. Four weeks ago I had scabies. I'm an elementary school teacher, and I'm apparently under attack from biological weapons: my students. FML

#21102371
95 comments


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