Today, I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me. But not to worry, he said she's only in town for a week then he's done with her. FML

by ljcxo17 / 07/01/2011 at 4:49am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, the driver's side window of my car was busted, and inside was a note that said, "Sorry, thought this was my car." FML

by Rick / 07/01/2011 at 4:31am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML

by ugh annoying / 07/01/2011 at 3:41am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

iLazy's comment : Blame Mario for spreading the shroom trend

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Today, after weeks, I've finally reached my goal and lost 10 lbs. My sister got jealous about me losing weight, and told my parents and coworkers that I'm anorexic. Hello, intervention. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2011 at 1:56am / United States (Missouri) / Health

kickazz16's comment : ignore her. you're amazing for completing that hard goal and congrats! keep it up!

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Today, I broke my collarbone in a rugby tournament. I was forced to sit through five more hours of games because the coach wouldn't take me to the hospital until the tournament was over. FML

by nico / 07/01/2011 at 12:15am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, as a part of my job, I took a couple around to look at houses that are on sale. After driving them around and looking at tons of houses, the wife said, "Okay. I think we have enough decorating ideas." FML

by Rachael / 06/30/2011 at 11:08pm / United States / Work

Today, my dad forgot me at cross country practice. When he got there two hours late, instead of apologizing, he said, "Hey, that's only the third time I've forgotten you at practice. You should be congratulating me." FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2011 at 9:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my mother to pay back the $50 she owes me. Rather than paying me back, she raced off to "work". She's been unemployed for 3 years. FML

by FMarinasL / 06/30/2011 at 7:43pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML

by budbunny13 / 06/30/2011 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Animals

paigemosier's comment : the fuck

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Today, as I was going to bed, I spotted a man staring at my window from a neighbor's yard. Ten minutes later, he was still there. I freaked out, started crying, and contemplated calling the cops. My creeper turned out to be the neighbor's wooden lawn ornament. FML

by Nell / 06/30/2011 at 5:10pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I actually resorted to checking the newspaper obituaries to see where the deceased were employed, just so I can find a job opening. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2011 at 1:44pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2011 at 11:38am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous