All the FMLs

By Jake - 01/07/2009 12:28 - Australia

Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under 10 minutes, I found out that my little sister had changed my screen name to Jake the Weiner, told my friend that he should "suck my d***" and sent an email to all my contacts declaring my love for my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 986

You deserved it 6 515

By Sallyfromtheseashore - 01/07/2009 10:43 - United States

Today, I wrote a long wall post on my teachers wall on facebook including how much of a douche I thought she was, I wasn't planning on posting it but did on accident, so I quickly deleted it. I felt pretty clever. Did you know facebook sends you emails including what was written on the post? FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 780

You deserved it 89 696

Check this out

By Robert - 01/07/2009 09:37 - United States

Today, I got two viruses on my laptop. One was a fake anti-spyware program that cluttered the screen with pop-ups. The other opened the browser repeatedly, each time to a generic porn site. This all conveniently happened at work, on a projector and during a meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 679

You deserved it 7 424

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 06:37 - United States

Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 985

You deserved it 56 306

By kewlio45 - 01/07/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 033

You deserved it 6 337

Dusty Springboard

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 881

You deserved it 7 945

By lawoman27 - 01/07/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad was having an affair on my mom with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 979

You deserved it 2 774

Sick

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 03:25 - Australia

Today, I was supposed to work with this girl I really like, but I had the flu really bad. I really really wanted to see her so I forced myself out of bed and went to work feeling terrible but determined to see her face. When I got to work I asked where she was. She had called in sick with the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 167

You deserved it 17 962

Prepared

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 810

You deserved it 19 885

By unluckycounsellor - 30/06/2009 23:26 - Bermuda

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 826

You deserved it 4 833

Moobs

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 017

You deserved it 54 732

By BrokeInLove - 30/06/2009 19:55 - France

Today, I was shopping for rings with my fiancée. We spent over two hours selecting the perfect ring and diamond to match. When filling out the paperwork I discovered I left my wallet at home. She had to pay the 20% down payment for the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 225

You deserved it 52 082

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 18:57 - Canada

Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 679

You deserved it 13 146

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 17:01 - Netherlands

Today, my wife and I went shopping for new glasses at a local store, but we didn't really get to actually buying one. On our way back, she warned me that my glasses of choice should in no way be 'those big arty ones'. When I asked her why not, she told me that I 'look gay enough already'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 787

You deserved it 6 373

Misunderstanding

By lebanesewoman - 30/06/2009 16:17 - Hong Kong

Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 036

You deserved it 3 948

Volcanic

By poopshooter101 - 30/06/2009 11:53 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 791

You deserved it 9 347

STFU

By annoyedguy - 30/06/2009 11:20 - United States

Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 473

You deserved it 96 810

By Ginny - 30/06/2009 09:23 - Netherlands

Today, I decided to start running to stay fit. Before I left, I put my cell phone in my sweat shirt pocket, and jumped vigorously up and down and ran around my apartment to make sure it wouldn't fall out. On a bridge, it slides out of my pocket and drops fifteen feet into the water below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 456

You deserved it 16 205

By glowstick - 30/06/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, my dog ate my little brother's medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 687

You deserved it 8 211

By POLYBLOT - 30/06/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I took chocolax to help lose some weight before I left for Miami. Turns out it doesn't happen right away like in the movies, it happens six hours later in front of your girlfriends parents, that you've just met for the first time at a very upperclass restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 961

You deserved it 56 131

By ZZ - 30/06/2009 03:01 - Canada

Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 574

You deserved it 66 812

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 067

You deserved it 13 988

Some taken

By Atomic_Tangerine - 29/06/2009 23:07 - United States

Today, my mom, sister, and I were talking about a friend's girlfriend. My sister's opinion of her was that she was cute but not hot. My mom agreed, saying that she didn't think that someone without boobs could EVER be hot. She then looked at me and said, "No offense." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 744

You deserved it 3 692

By peace_lost - 29/06/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 781

You deserved it 16 193

By Cheech - 29/06/2009 21:52 - United States

Today, I left on a 2 month trip. I was in a hurry to pack so I wouldn't miss my plane. There were 2 piles of clothes on my bed. One pile was clothes that didn't fit to take to a thrift store, one was to take with me. Guess which one I brought? FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 606

You deserved it 58 339

By thatCanadianGuy7 - 29/06/2009 19:55 - Canada

Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 995

You deserved it 5 056

By Anonymous - 29/06/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, my parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 322

You deserved it 8 340

By StillSingle - 29/06/2009 18:14 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's beautiful wedding. The only other single girl there was 5 years old. She caught the bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 346

You deserved it 5 106

By Anonymous - 29/06/2009 17:55 - Canada

Today, I put on my "fat jeans" because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 913

You deserved it 46 673

By wowzersthatsucks - 29/06/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, I got a facebook relationship request from my crush of 2 and a half years. I was so excited until he posted on my wall, "Sorry wrong Catherine". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 311

You deserved it 5 948

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my bitch of a boss sent out a group text saying she'd had a chainsaw accident and lost the tips of 4 of her fingers and would be out indefinitely. When I told my boyfriend, his immediate response was to grab my phone and reply "I'm stumped, I don't know what to say." She hasn't responded yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 438

You deserved it 1 926

Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 150

You deserved it 2 029

Today, I walked up sixteen flights of stairs to my room to avoid the lift lines. When I was almost at the top, the fire alarm sounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 610

You deserved it 3 801

Today, I brought a friend who I have loved for years out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I ordered an expensive bottle of wine, and poured each of us a glass. As I was about to tell her I loved her, she raised her glass for a toast and said "A toast to friendship!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 846

You deserved it 7 857

Today, 98 year-old mom with dementia thought she was talking to one of my dead sisters and not my wife, telling her she'd better never tell me who my real father really, that I ruined her marriage. She won't have me ruining her reputation, so her getting pregnant with me from an affair was my fault apparently. None of my siblings ever told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 144

Today, I did a new exercise where you lie flat on your stomach and lift your legs. Despite easily lifting my legs into the air from my back, the muscles needed to do it from the other position are so pathetically weak that I could barely lift my legs a tenth of an inch off the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 157