Poopoo peepee

Yummy

By Massasam - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 783

You deserved it 42 178

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 434

HELP!

By SeatofIgnorance - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 5 464

Hang in there

By bs_happens - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that a water pipe at my work had burst over the weekend. There is absolutely no water in the building, including the bathrooms. It's a 9-hour day, and I took a laxative this morning before I came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 240

You deserved it 11 507

Rushing waddle

By Newny_Newny_Newny - 05/10/2025 00:00

Today, I was taking a number two at work and forgot to lock the door. One of the nurses opened the door, but the worst part is that she didn’t close it back all the way and I couldn’t reach it to close it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 289

So sexy

By Anonymous - 27/09/2025 20:00

Today, I was relaxing in the bath with oils and candles and a new book when my husband burst in with diarrhoea, filled the toilet, polluted the air, and knocked my new book into the bathwater. Then, while washing his hands, he asked if I wanted an oil covered shag. Romantic, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 88

Wet leg

By meep - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 085

You deserved it 497

Shitty

By Anonymous - 20/09/2025 03:00

Today, I woke up at my brother-in-law's house in the middle of the night to discover I had a watery shit in my underwear. I thought I was safe because had on a Depends, I wasn’t and had to change my sweatpants too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 142

One thing after the other

By Anonymous - 16/09/2025 00:00

Today, someone did a hit and run on my car hard enough to knock it onto the curb from its parking spot, destroying the bumper. They didn't leave any info behind. After taking care of police reports and such, I got home and took off my shoes just to step in a puddle of my roommate's horrible cat's diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 101

Bad mix

By Anonymous - 14/09/2025 12:00

Today, I ate a dragon fruit and drank some aloe. I was at work and had to stop what I was doing and run to the bathroom so I didn’t poop my pants. After I was done, I saw splatters of shit on the floor. Confused, I looked at the toilet. To my surprise, I found out I projectile diarrhea-ed all over my work toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 326

Relaxed

By Craptastic - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, at physical therapy, I felt that all-too-familiar gurgle in my gut, but I thought it would a light, silent fart. I squatted for an exercise and shit my pants in front of the cute, single, male physical therapist. He definitely noticed. I still had 30 minutes left in the session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 170

You deserved it 830

I'm never going to live this down

By BubbleBladeBunz - 01/09/2025 15:00

Today, there's no door between the bathroom and bedroom. So far we've managed all number 2 s(h)ituations without trouble, but I'm on my period, which comes with period poops. He usually sleeps like the dead. I was mid-evacuation of a multi-missile launch when he sat up, wide awake, eye contact, grin on his face. "Hah! I KNEW YOU'D BE THE FIRST!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 110

Wiped out

By myassisburnins - 31/08/2025 18:30 - India - Indore

Today, for the first time in ages, I had to go twice. At noon, after finishing my shit I reached for the jet spray, only to find out that the water was out until morning due to motor maintenance. I ended up using a newspaper. Only review: you guys in America & Europe really have it hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 277

Toxic workplace

By Keerah - 31/08/2025 13:00 - Russia - Kolomna

Today, at work, I wondered: What's worse than a psychotic, gaslighting supervisor with his classic "You are worthless!" and "I never said/did that!" and other variations? A combination of said character with an autistic employee who panics at every such situation to the brink of peeing themself. I hate being that employee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 127

The Destroyer

By mr_p - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300-pound man walked out, shook his head, and said, "I'm sorry" to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 546

You deserved it 3 688

Pissed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 719

You deserved it 6 583

Toxic waste

By Anonymous - 27/08/2025 06:00 - United States - North Hollywood

Today, while apartment hunting with my boyfriend, I needed to use the bathroom. We were on our own and no toilet paper. Fortunately I carry wipes with me, because I had to more than just pee. All was fine, until I tried to flush and realized the water was turned off. The next person will get quite the surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 380

Better safe than sorry

By Anonymous - 21/08/2025 23:00 - Australia

Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 86

Roomies

By Werebothwomen - 19/08/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my roommate of over 8 years assumed “the rag” I keep “above the toilet” was meant for wiping, and “the rag” on the separate towel rack was for washing your face. I have used the hand towel “above the toilet” to dry my hands after washing for a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 177

Lactose intolerant

By ClintBEASTw00d - 19/08/2025 03:00 - Canada - Surrey

Today, at the gym, I attempted to deadlift after binge eating ice cream last night. I need new underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 529

Law and order

By Karen - 15/08/2025 03:00

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided to poop in the middle of a crosswalk during heavy traffic. We have very strict laws (and fines) so I frantically tried to pick it up while cars waited, honking and watching me struggle like I was in the worst street performance ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 101

Sticky

By Zenoa - 13/08/2025 18:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to work hungover. I was in the back room by myself and thought I could trust a fart. I was so very wrong, and on my own for the next three hours and couldn't go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 449

Get back to work, slacker!

By ??? - 06/08/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom at work, humming to myself while scrolling through memes. I started laughing and I said out loud, “You’re so stupid” to my phone. Someone in the next stall said, “Excuse me?” and I had to fake a cough and flush just to escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 525

Intense humming

By Anonymous - 02/08/2025 03:00 - United States - Houston

Today, while using a public bathroom, I was singing to myself because I thought I was alone and not in a rush. When I opened the door, three people were waiting in line. One of them rushed in behind me, another seemed really annoyed, and the third person said, "I love that song!", confirming that they heard everything FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 532

Inspection time

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Monterey

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 669

You deserved it 3 697

The body keeps the score

By Shitty situation hur hur - 23/07/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, my wife called me at work, crying, because she shat her pants. I'd feel more sympathy if she ever ate fruit, or vegetables, or anything other than sugar and carbs, or took the prescription fiber supplements her doctor prescribed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 119

Nice day for it

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 5 year old-son and I went out for a walk. As I was looking in a shop's window display, I turned around to see my son pooping into an open manhole on the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 100

You deserved it 9 732

Feeling included

By ~~~~ - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Belgium - Hemiksem

Today, my boyfriend added me to his friends' private Whatsapp group, after weeks of asking him to include me in more of his life. It turns out almost all they do is post pictures of their shits and rate them. There is nearly a year's worth of pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 628

You deserved it 6 435

Industrial logs

By wow - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 692

You deserved it 37 323

Not sponsored by Klondike bars (but feel free to send us some)

By Anonymous - 29/06/2025 09:00 - United States - Canton

Today, I realised that on top of my gluten intolerance, garlic intolerance, and just the general having to poop way too much in 12 hours, apparently my system does not like ice cream anymore. I get diarrhea after eating any amount. And I love Klondike bars! FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 94

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I had to go to court to see whether my driver's license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 296

You deserved it 31 580

Today, I was telling my new boyfriend some of my funny family stories. He gave me the most concerned look and asked honestly, “Have you ever thought about going to therapy?” Apparently the stories I told him not only weren’t funny, but pretty damn scary to him. Now he thinks I’m crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 352

Today, after I dated a girl for 4 years and she'd left me for another man, she came back about a week later bawling on my bathroom floor. I comforted and held her, thinking she may have realized she'd made a mistake, only for her to say how much she loved him the whole time. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 385

Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 048

You deserved it 4 710

Today, I was in class when someone came in with a rose for me. My teacher made me read the card aloud: "I'm breaking up with you, happy Valentine's." It was from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 203

You deserved it 3 470

Today, I found out that when my now ex-fiance said he “needs time to think about it” when he got cold feet at our wedding, he meant he needed time to screw his hot young coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 156