Today, my fiancé nervously sat me down for a "serious chat". The chat wound up with him asking if we could postpone our wedding, because his World of Warcraft guild had a raid scheduled for the same day. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2011 at 7:16pm / United States / Love

StephWALKER's comment : what a noob

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Today, I asked to change my major at the college I'm transferring to in the fall. Instead of letting me change my major, they withdrew my acceptance. FML

by transfer / 06/03/2011 at 5:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I locked lips with someone, or rather something, other than family for the first time in my life. It was a CPR dummy. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2011 at 5:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

randomchickkk's comment : you lock lips with your family?

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Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

by ryjacs / 06/03/2011 at 4:22pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn't turned it on. FML

by Faithy / 06/03/2011 at 2:32pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML

by Username / 06/03/2011 at 10:04am / United States / Kids

aussie_gemini's comment : you were the kid always trying to put the square shapes in the circle holes weren't you?

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Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

by peaaaak / 06/03/2011 at 6:17am / United Kingdom (Thurrock) / Intimacy

Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday". He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML

by xmeatballx21 / 06/03/2011 at 5:57am / United States (South Dakota) / Work

Today, my sister drove past me while i was walking home in the rain, she honked to let me know she was there, and kept on driving. FML

by myhairgetsfrizzywhenwet / 06/03/2011 at 4:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML

by anonymous / 06/03/2011 at 2:25am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taken to my first session with my psychiatrist. The entirety of the facility, from the waiting room to the doc's office was decorated with dead butterflies in glass. I was there for my crippling mottephobia, the irrational fear of moths and butterflies. FML

by JefferyT / 06/03/2011 at 1:16am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my boss's cat died. I'm expected to attend the service. FML

by whymyliferose / 06/03/2011 at 12:47am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I was complimented on my hat by two different people. I wasn't wearing a hat. FML

by AndieApocalypse / 06/03/2011 at 12:21am / United States / Miscellaneous