Healthy Lifestyle

Touch grass, Mom

By Anonymous - 15/09/2025 09:00

Today, we had to take my mother to the emergency room because of high blood pressure. As soon as we got back home, she started scrolling through Facebook and getting angry at everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 59

Fitness goals

By Anonymous - 07/09/2025 16:00 - United States - Warren

Today, under advice from my doctor that I should increase the intensity of my exercises in order to lose weight, I decided to increase the resistance level of the exercise bike I typically use by one, as I could do the previous level easily. My legs got sore after 5 minutes and then I got very sick, so I had to go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 114

Fresh and picky

By Anonymous - 04/09/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was excited to go to my new girlfriend’s house for dinner. To my horror, everything was out of a box or a can; Hamburger Helper, canned vegetables, boxed mashed potatoes. When I said I was hoping for something fresher, she just stared at me and asked if i know how expensive groceries are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 974

Bustin' makes me feel good

By Billie - 03/09/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, after years of my husband letting himself go and our sex life dying a slow, painful death, he's finally gotten my hints and started exercising and eating right, and he looks amazing. But now he has no sex drive and says, "I'm getting older, there are more important things to me than busting nuts all day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 186

Lactose intolerant

By ClintBEASTw00d - 19/08/2025 03:00 - Canada - Surrey

Today, at the gym, I attempted to deadlift after binge eating ice cream last night. I need new underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 532

Love you too

By Blinken - 15/08/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I visited my grandma like I do every other day to tell her that I love her, and to remind her that Bud Light and Marlboro Lights is NOT part and what her doctor meant when he placed her on a "light diet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 91

Fitness check

By Christine - 11/08/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I went to my first spin class. Trying my best, I hopped on the bike and started pedaling like I’d been doing it for years. The instructor came over, adjusted the seat, and as soon as she let go, I completely lost my balance and tipped over. The bike fell sideways, taking me and two water bottles with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 133

Wine about it

By Anonymous - 30/07/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I'm at a conference where letting loose is expected and, to a point, encouraged. I've been sober for 2.5 years and am pretty sure I managed to piss off just about everyone with how miserable I was listening to them describe my former favorite mixed drinks and shots. I miss wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 136

On the move

By Nathalieeeee - 23/07/2025 15:00 - Canada

Today, my smartwatch notified me mid-meeting, saying “You’ve been inactive for an hour, get moving!” I stood up instinctively to “stretch,” only to trip over my chair and send my water bottle flying across the boardroom table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 431

This is fine

By Anonymous - 21/07/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was dealing with my nightmares quite efficiently by drinking right before I go to sleep, presto, no nightmares and no problems when I woke up. My girlfriend decided to make a whole issue of it by telling my parents, who planned an intervention and want me to waste time seeing a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 613

My brain hurts

By Team - 20/07/2025 12:00 - Germany

Today, I feel so tired and hungover after going to the office summer party yesterday. I had no alcohol to drink and I left at 10pm, way earlier than all my team. My team drank a lot and stayed until after 1am. They all showed up earlier and looking better than me, while I'm a trainwreck with a bad headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 110

Cause for concern?

By Anonymous - 14/07/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, I looked at the supplements my boyfriend puts in the protein shakes we both drink. To my horror, most of them listed "boosts libido" or "increased fertility" as benefits. When I confronted him, he said ,"So? I drink them too, it's not like I'm drugging you or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 341

Himbo

By Anonymous - 12/07/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to the gym to do squats. I couldn't even do it without weights on the squatting bar because it hurt too much to rest it on my back and neck. Then my friend who was with me and who is skinny as a rail easily managed it with two 45 pound weights. He claims it's from practice. I guess I’m wimpy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 388

Betrayed

By Anonymous - 10/07/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my husband never actually took our new healthy lifestyle seriously when his coworker told me that now, instead of at the house, he keeps beer and cigars at his brother's house, and visits the Burger King drive through every day for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 223

Oddly specific turn off

By FatCoco - 07/07/2025 21:00 - United States

Today, my Tinder date ordered a separate check and said there won’t be a second date, all because I ordered my meal without vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 432

Waiting line

By Anonymous - 25/06/2025 17:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, just like every day for the past two months, I have bled quite a lot into the toilet. The emergency room said it was a GI bleed, but that it would take a while to get it checked. Six weeks is not what I expected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 78

First world problems

By Anonymous - 20/06/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, my Brita filter for my pitcher needs a replacement. This wouldn't be even remotely that big of a deal, except this month I also ran out on a few other necessities that weren't exactly what one would call cheap. I'm trying to both save money but also learn more healthy habits (like drinking more water). FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 257

Sticky

By Anonymous - 13/06/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, it's been a few days since I had surgery, which means I can’t wash my hair myself for a couple of weeks. Today I paid to have it washed professionally… then proceeded to spill liquid glucose all over the ends of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 13/06/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, after carefully keeping track of what I was eating and trying not to turn into a midnight snacker in order to lose weight, my sugar crashed at around 10:30pm. Before this I had two high protein bagels (at around 6:30pm) and a whole pint of fresh blueberries (at roughly 8pm) yet my sugar still crashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 137

Self-confidence boost

By Uri - 12/06/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I was jogging with my shirt off, feeling confident and athletic. A car slowed down next to me. I expected a compliment, but instead, a kid leaned out the window and yelled, “Put it back on, Shrek!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 156

Lost

By Anonymous - 06/06/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I walked into the gym in my new workout outfit and headed straight for the weight machines. After 10 minutes, a staff member tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Sir, this is a physical therapy clinic.” The gym was next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 452

Not the sharpest tool

By full'a'shit - 05/06/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, after days of constipation, I gave myself an enema to clear out the obstruction. My girlfriend has decided that I'm secretly gay and will not change her mind. She's already told her friends, who now want to take me shoe shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 102

Some people would be over the moon

By Allie - 29/05/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband has lost over a hundred pounds. I'm happy for him, but now he has an incredibly high sex drive and keeps asking for sex almost every day, sometimes twice a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 464

Eat Y'self Fitter

By Shnur - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 years-old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother with shocked look and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 279

You deserved it 21 482

More cake, please

By Anonymous - 25/05/2025 03:00 - United States - Warren

Today, after months of at least trying to diet and exercising three times a week for roughly a year or two, I got put on the generic for Lipitor because my LDL is too high. That's what I get for celebrating my mom's birthday literally two days before I had to get my lipid panel taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 184

Dial it back

By Only me - 19/05/2025 15:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, I was trying to chat up a girl by showing off my new smartwatch. I proudly said, “It even reads my heartbeat!” It was 132 bpm. She looked at me and asked, “Are you OK? Or just incredibly out of shape from talking to me?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 480

Surely that's enough

By Anonymous - 17/05/2025 03:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I was proud of myself for taking a break from my sedentary lifestyle to go to the gym 3 times a week (and have been doing so for awhile) and do cardio for 30 minutes on an exercise bike. It turns out that's less than the 5 times a day you're supposed to get 30 minutes of exercise. I'm off by 2 times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 150

Like a dog

By Anonymous - 12/05/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I started a new workout routine to get fit. After watching a bunch of online videos, I thought I could jump right in. I overdid it on squats and now can’t sit down without grunting like a wounded animal. I’m now having to climb stairs on all fours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 489

Pigpen

By Anonymous - 22/04/2025 18:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my husband is furious with me for hurting his daughter’s feelings. Neither he nor his ex make her shower and she smells disgusting! It’s nearly impossible to even sit in the same room with her, as her odor changes the smell of the entire space. All I did was suggest a bath and she cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 117

Ouch

By sadface - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 798

You deserved it 7 511

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, at a party, my three friends and I thought it would be fun to urinate in a jug. We dislike the neighbours, so decided to throw the contents of the jug over the fence into their garden. It hit a tree and splashed back. I ended up covered in our piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 961

You deserved it 188 820

Today, my ex-roommate, who decided to move out when my other roommate and I told her we didn't want a giant dresser for her dogs' clothes and stuff in the dining room, took the door knob out of the door to her former bedroom and threw some of my things in the recycling bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 124

Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 013

You deserved it 4 573

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 681

You deserved it 47 037

Today, my doctor told me that the reason I'm losing my eyesight is because I'm straining my eyes, and that the best thing for me to do is to limit my time in front of computers. I spent years in college to get my current job which involves sitting in front of computers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 287

You deserved it 2 760

Today, I met a great girl at a party. We talked alone, and she made me promise I'd dance with her later. When I saw her later, she was unconscious, and in an ambulance. She'd collapsed, and the entire party assumed I'd spiked her drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 584

You deserved it 3 050