Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

konnermoses's comment : he's not too smart :-/

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Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML

by nolove4me / 06/29/2011 at 4:41pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML

by wispywee / 06/29/2011 at 1:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Geek

toastyjustice's comment : don't we all dream of that?

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Today, I was told that I may die by the time I'm 30, and that I should Google the disorder because he doesn't know what it is for sure. FML

by Googleit / 06/29/2011 at 12:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

alexiiiiis09's comment : I'd go to another doctor for a second opinion

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Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

by ashleyrae / 06/29/2011 at 10:55am / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to the news that my mom's in jail. FML

by mymomsstupid / 06/29/2011 at 10:51am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss yelled at me for ruining the report she was supposed to write with my "terrible spelling and grammar". I've checked it thoroughly, and all of her 'corrections' are wrong. She doesn’t believe me, and is refusing to look at a dictionary. FML

by frustrated / 06/29/2011 at 8:59am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Work

Today, my mum told me that my sister's little kiddie swing wouldn't hold my weight. I told her she was being stupid, and went on anyway. A broken ankle and two pins in my elbow later, I'm willing to accept this. FML

by Anza / 06/29/2011 at 2:12am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health

Today, while making love, he farted. And blamed it on his dog, who wasn't even in the room. The smell alone could have killed me. FML

by crazy_bitch122 / 06/29/2011 at 1:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, our carbon monoxide detector started beeping. My mom started freaking out and made me go stand outside so I "don't die". I stood outside for 20 minutes, it was raining and it turned out that the detector was just low on battery. FML

by eyelashess / 06/29/2011 at 12:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend. We'd just got our food when my dad walks in, comes up to our table and says, "I didn't say you could leave, you're too young to be dating him", then drags me out of the restaurant. We are both 15, and it was my first date. FML

by Fresca11 / 06/28/2011 at 8:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML

by Username / 06/28/2011 at 4:40pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML

by lamortdeshommes / 06/28/2011 at 1:03pm / United States / Love