Today, I was going to volunteer at a soup kitchen. I saw a man...

By Anonymous - 20/7/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, I was going to volunteer at a soup kitchen. I saw a man working, so I went up to him to ask where I should sign in. Before I even opened my mouth, he told me that they opened at 12 and to come back then for my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42904

You deserved it

4762

Favorite

Miscellaneous

They're everywhere

Spread the news

Alternative medicine is bull

By DMStarsky - 21/10/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30488

You deserved it

4665

Favorite

By StupidDentist - 20/6/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist to get a filling. Instead of giving me Novocaine, my dentist decided he was going to use a special new paste on me while he drilled. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37835

You deserved it

3161

Favorite

By anon - 31/7/2015 20:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21196

You deserved it

34095

Favorite

By Clive81 - 17/2/2015 20:02 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34221

You deserved it

10211

Favorite

By Carla - 12/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night choking and had to open my bedroom window. No, it wasn’t a gas leak. My husband had a curry last night and his constant farting was so bad I was struggling to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3703

You deserved it

411

Favorite

By thatssickkk - 17/2/2010 06:40 - United States

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27371

You deserved it

2695

Favorite

By chase - 25/1/2013 00:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29101

You deserved it

53022

Favorite

By - 25/2/2020 20:00

Fight Club

Today, my girlfriend asked how I was feeling, because I’ve been feeling down and experiencing a lot of anxiety lately. I said was feeling a lot better and that I finally think I’m on my way to getting well. She didn't agree, and started a fight about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1792

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By BigBadTron - 15/5/2009 17:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year old daughter out to eat. Half-way through our "date" she asks me loudly "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48680

You deserved it

3195

Favorite

By - 8/2/2017 14:00 - United States

Today, after months of trying to convince my violent bipolar antisocial neighbors to crack a window when they smoke pot, I'm now living without any heat to avoid being blasted by pot smoke from the heat vents day and night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5540

You deserved it

1104

Favorite

By jessmess - 1/8/2012 16:44 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27084

You deserved it

4762

Favorite

By Fcuked - 23/3/2011 04:40 - New Zealand

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him 'meow' over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25509

You deserved it

68404

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/6/2020 17:04

This is us

Today, after 14 years of relationship, him forgetting every anniversary and birthday, and being disloyal several times, my boyfriend offered to buy us friendship rings. Because I according to him, I seem to care for such gestures, and it would fix our problems. 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

859

You deserved it

2100

Favorite

By uh huh sure - 9/7/2020 05:01

Subtle

Today, my mother-in-law, who isn't southern, who’s family isn’t southern, and has never even mentioned any interest in anything even remotely southern, decided to give us a baby gift: a hand-crocheted confederate flag blanket. We’re an interracial couple. I think she’s trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2348

You deserved it

170

Favorite

By funnymanjoe - 14/9/2011 11:06 - United States

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37616

You deserved it

5721

Favorite

By Brittany - 23/12/2012 02:33 - United States

Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43532

You deserved it

3496

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/8/2020 08:01

Gig economy

Today, I remembered that I chose my career of the last decade because, unlike my job in the dying newspaper industry, "concerts aren’t going anywhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1382

You deserved it

145

Favorite

By lonelyguy - 28/11/2009 03:02 - Puerto Rico

Today, I invited my crush to come and spend thanksgiving dinner with me and my family, she agreed but asked me if she could bring her friend. Turns out her "friend" was actually her boyfriend and they drank all the expensive wine I bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32724

You deserved it

8011

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/2/2015 19:16

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48261

You deserved it

3666

Favorite

By skygoddess - 28/7/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I was at my job as a flight attendant. A passenger on my plane stopped breathing and turned blue. As I cleared his airways and was busy strapping an oxygen mask to his face, the passenger behind him tried to hand me her trash. Apparently I'm a walking trash can, no matter what I'm doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68349

You deserved it

3319

Favorite

By hackshack - 8/6/2012 19:45 - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Today, my English teacher kicked me out of class for being "rude and disruptive." In actuality, I had called her out for having blatantly used Google Translate for several example sentences, all of which sounded as if a semi-literate foreigner had constructed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25372

You deserved it

3922

Favorite

By 102496 - 5/2/2010 03:53 - France

Today, I went to the store with my 4 1/2 year old daughter. When we got to the cosmetics aisle, she asked what make-up was for, I told her it was to make women prettier. My daughter then told me it was a good thing I wear make-up because I was ugly and that I might scare off my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33643

You deserved it

4560

Favorite

By ayw329 - 31/1/2009 13:51 - United States

Today, I have been reading FML for 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44257

You deserved it

16991

Favorite

By twintowers - 4/7/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50221

You deserved it

23150

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/9/2011 17:06 - United States

Today, my parents' divorce was finalized, and my mother decided to publicly celebrate with a bikini wax. She calls it her "Declaration of Independence". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31456

You deserved it

3032

Favorite

By sandyseashells10 - 13/11/2010 06:29 - United States

Today, I went to the waterpark and my kids were fighting so I grounded them both. We concluded the day by boogey boarding on a mechanical wave. There was so much water I didn't realize my boobs had completely fallen out of my bikini. As revenge, my kids didn't tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28648

You deserved it

20583

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/5/2019 02:04

Cravings

Today, it's been so long since my wife has been interested in me intimately, I became aroused when a woman touched my arm while talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2270

You deserved it

211

Favorite

By Matt - 12/8/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, I informed my family of my plans to divorce my wife after catching her cheating on me twice. They bitched me out because I will not be able to survive financially or emotionally without her support. I'm a doctor. She's been unemployed for 2 straight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43941

You deserved it

2661

Favorite

By SirPimPim - 14/6/2010 14:32 - Sweden

Today, it was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, and said: "Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world." My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34318

You deserved it

13391

Favorite

By Lola987 - 18/3/2019 00:00

Today, on my birthday, I tried to be a good girlfriend by making sure my boyfriend of 3 years alarms were set for work on his phone. Noticed he’s back to talking to his ex as the messenger bubble had her face in it.. He was asking for boob pictures...FML

I agree, your life sucks

2578

You deserved it

276

Favorite

By imgay - 23/6/2015 02:20 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I discovered that most of my family is homophobic while discussing Orange Is The New Black. I've only come out to my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28612

You deserved it

2812

Favorite

By creeper-status - 5/5/2016 17:37 - United States - Irvine

Today, I made a new friend at my college campus, which was great, until I added him on Facebook and he started liking posts from 3 years ago, asking if he could be my "dirty little secret" because he knows that I have a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12036

You deserved it

953

Favorite

By fuckshit - 4/11/2014 14:01

Today, I witnessed a hit-and-run. I used my phone to write down the license plate for the police. However, I didn't notice that my phone had autocorrected the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39282

You deserved it

4564

Favorite

By Randiluck - 30/11/2012 01:00 - Canada

Today, I met up with a few old friends for some wine and munchies. The main topics of conversation were colonoscopies, lactose intolerance and specific symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. I'm sleeping over at one of their houses. Only 20 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19973

You deserved it

2679

Favorite

By LordAdam - 14/6/2009 13:16 - Australia

Today, I accidentally left my concession card in the photocopier. I then got fined for not having a concession card on the train. I was photocopying it for a letter to get out of a fine for not having a concession card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16040

You deserved it

42107

Favorite

By anon - 27/12/2013 06:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37901

You deserved it

3493

Favorite

By CatLover - 6/11/2014 18:30 - United States - Bartow

Today, my mentally-unhinged mother reached a new level of psycho - she threw a tantrum and raged at my father, accusing him of cheating on her with our cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39381

You deserved it

2766

Favorite

By David H. - 23/12/2010 08:18

Check 'em

Today, I saw my first boobs ever, at 18, volunteering at a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43811

You deserved it

7737

Favorite

By snarly1 - 6/12/2011 08:57 - United States

Today, my boss asked me what language I was speaking. I was clearly speaking English, but apparently, "indifferent" is too big a word for him to understand. I don't know how he got into a management position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27727

You deserved it

2087

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/4/2009 16:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML

I agree, your life sucks

73108

You deserved it

8234

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Atropos_fml | 0

#415632 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:14

So what?
Not all homeless people dress badly. If I was him, I would assume the same thing.

By thumb_r0ck3r | 0

#415659 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:28

I don't see the bad in this. I'm sure he had homeless coming there all morning and was just sick of them showing up.

COMMENTS

By soulfhood24 | 0

#415600 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:07

You get your clothes at goodwill?

Paradox621 | 0

#415611 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:10

burn baby burn

anniebananie | 3

#415677 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:39

Yeah, where'd she get those clothes, the toilet store?

Imawhalerider | 0

#415783 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 11:24

no i got these digs from yo mama

bovice | 0

#418507 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 8:14

just because you go to a soup kitchen doesnt mean your a fucking hobo.
successful people are getting laid off every day and sometimes they just cant pay the bills because of the lack of income.

zendaddy0 | 0

#2270365 - Thursday 31 March 2011 5:24

you don't even know what some hobos look like at my old neighborhood there was a hobo who came to the stop sign in a completely clean tuxedo every day I have no idea how

Ninjasaurus18 | 9

#4416554 - Thursday 10 May 2012 13:43

That's wonderful.

528Alice491 | 3

#5039771 - Saturday 13 October 2012 21:48

....And?? Why is this an fml? The real fyl is that you're stupid and you think a miscommunication belongs here. Tell him you're there to volunteer. Problem solved, moron.

xxrogerthatxx | 19

#5760297 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 14:25

Funny comment number 1; and yeah people are getting into hard times everyday, don't ever judge someone, you don't know their story.

By alex_vik | 0

#415627 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:13

Clean yourself up.

By Atropos_fml | 0

#415632 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:14

So what?
Not all homeless people dress badly. If I was him, I would assume the same thing.

cea99 | 0

#2965856 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:17

*Her
You are excused

Felling | 14

#5092335 - Monday 29 October 2012 1:53

Are you dumb?

By M13LO | 0

#415653 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:25

YDI because I'm a troll

Vapourstreak | 0

#415763 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 11:05

amazing .

derriduh | 0

#417131 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 22:10

hahaha

By thumb_r0ck3r | 0

#415659 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:28

I don't see the bad in this. I'm sure he had homeless coming there all morning and was just sick of them showing up.

shoobop | 3

#5114815 - Sunday 4 November 2012 17:29

Yeah that's why he works at a soup kitchen

By WonderBlunder | 0

#415661 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:29

What's so surprising? 99 in 100 people who walk in there want food..

By Boweezee | 0

#415663 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:30

Agh that sucks.

By FlaminYawn | 0

#415721 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 10:23

how's this an FML again? so weak...

brunettebarbiie | 0

#416146 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 15:44

i agree wiith #22.

This is NOT an FML! weak much.

ambear26 | 14

#4776751 - Sunday 5 August 2012 19:16

I agree how is this an FML ? Not every homeless person dresses bad.

By plexico | 3

#415762 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 11:04

He probably thought you were so ugly that you'd scare all the hobos away!

You make desperate people prefer slow death by starvation over having to look at you.

By esushi | 0

#415788 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 11:29

He was doing his job and informing the public about when they open? FYL indeed.
What the hell?
no.