Miscellaneous: Today, I was going to volunteer at a soup kitchen. I saw a man... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/07/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, I was going to volunteer at a soup kitchen. I saw a man working, so I went up to him to ask where I should sign in. Before I even opened my mouth, he told me that they opened at 12 and to come back then for my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 937

You deserved it 4 859

Sorry…

You tried

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Interesting hypothesis

By Anonymous - 08/07/2020 02:02

Spicy

Today, I found out that my dad has drunkenly told my sister more than once that he doesn’t love either of us, and even then he prefers her over me. All these years I thought I was crazy for thinking I had any kind of daddy issues, but I guess that must be why I’m a phenomenal fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 148

By kingwalrus - 12/06/2010 18:55 - United Kingdom

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 996

You deserved it 8 023

That's gross, dude

By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 23:02

Spicy

Today, it's Saturday and a planned date night for my partner and me. He's not showered since Tuesday and was surprised that I requested that he to do so ahead of getting intimate. And he wonders why our sex life isn't better… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 162

Smells like victory

By Ready to break up - 08/01/2021 05:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my girlfriend and her best friend have been in a contest to see who can go the longest without showering. They’ve just hit day 22. They smell so bad, I can’t stand to be in the same room with them anymore. I'm really about to dump her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 240

PMS FTW

By life101 - 19/10/2020 13:56

Today, I realized how emotional I get around my time of month when I cried because a cheese commercial was so "touching." FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 146

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 23:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266 859

You deserved it 28 457

By sadface - 04/01/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 416

You deserved it 7 397

By Anonymous - 26/03/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I was at QuickTrip. As I was leaving, I passed a woman who was saying "stay" very sternly through her open driver's side door. I smiled as I passed, saying "Your dog wants to follow you huh? I've been there." She glared at me and said "No. That's my son. He's mentally challenged." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 790

You deserved it 25 999

By I Tried - 29/01/2016 22:18 - United States - Burton

Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 382

You deserved it 3 616

I love that for you

By NeedHeadPhone - 30/11/2009 16:51 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 847

You deserved it 2 962

By zcollins - 10/09/2013 15:52 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my graduation trip to New York. Instead, she and her group of continuously drunk friends are going to Vegas because, "We could win the jackpot and take you on an even bigger trip to New York!" She's never won anything in her whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 256

You deserved it 3 566

By authorx - 27/06/2013 04:39 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while driving during rush hour, I was singing so loudly that some jackass in the car next to me felt he should get my attention by throwing a wadded-up McDonald's bag through my open window, hitting me in the face with it, and telling me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 347

You deserved it 50 459

By Ethan_18 - 14/12/2012 05:10 - United States

Today, as my 12 hour shift was about to finish, a young boy came in wanting to buy a $200 gaming device. His mom said he was purchasing it with his own money, which I found admirable. That is, until he took his piggy bank out of his backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 906

You deserved it 2 486

By Anonymous - 06/05/2015 05:24 - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's scared because her period is late, and that they're usually on time. Five hours late apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 530

You deserved it 3 287

By awkward. - 29/12/2012 15:50 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the cinema. Or rather, she went with her other boyfriend, and I happened to see them there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 219

You deserved it 3 175

Snitch

By demonporn - 04/12/2020 11:01

Spicy

Today, I was riding home from church with my parents when my mom turned around and told me that this morning there was a demon in our living room, and the reason that demon was allowed inside of our house was because I've been watching porn. I'm grounded for 3 weeks because of an informative demon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 146

By Bad Dad - 20/10/2014 03:48 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 285

You deserved it 4 923

By Anonymous - 29/03/2012 05:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed. His reason? A Las Vegas wedding came up on Groupon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 248

You deserved it 3 158

By Shell - 05/03/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I was working at Chuck-E-Cheese. If that isn't enough, I was put in the mouse costume. Due to the disgusting hot smell and atmosphere in the costume, I fainted in front of a birthday party. I awoke to a little boy screaming who then kicked me in the face and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 264

You deserved it 4 399

Hazing rituals

By newguy - 29/08/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, it's my third day at work and the hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 108

You deserved it 4 786

By Loved - 25/05/2019 16:15

Today, my boyfriend bought me an engagement ring. It turned out to be the wrong size and we had to return it, since the store said it couldn't be re-sized. As we headed home, I felt guilty, so I turned to him and apologized. His response? "It's OK honey, I didn't really want to marry you that much anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 517

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 06:28 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, it's been five days since I started my new job in a new town, just signed a lease on my new apartment too. Now I find out the company's closing down, and since I'm still on probation, I'm told I'm not entitled to any kind of severance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 530

You deserved it 1 925

Shifting

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 14:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my mom is trying to be quiet, thinking me asleep. This means she will whisper to the dogs in the upstairs hallway, then quietly go downstairs where she will bang the doors so hard the house shakes. Apparently, she thinks each floor is in its own separate dimension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 69

By gimmeasalad - 21/04/2012 06:01 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, as I was washing my boyfriend's fishbowl, the fish did a Nemo and made an unholy leap down the drain. My immediate impulse was to flip the switch. Our kitchen now smells like mutilated fish and my boyfriend won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 123

You deserved it 36 803

By RWW - 28/07/2010 17:38 - United States

Today, at work, I was talking to a customer. She kept shaking her head "no" at everything I said. I asked what she was disagreeing with. She told me she has Parkinson's Disease, teared up, and asked to speak to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 536

You deserved it 7 476

By catt - 17/10/2014 20:12 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 477

You deserved it 4 042

By jewel87 - 12/03/2010 16:39 - United States

Today, I decided to wear my Ugg boots to work. I forgot that my office is carpeted and that the fur in my boots makes me shock every metal thing I touch. I work with computers all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 762

You deserved it 35 914

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 19:18 - United States - Dearborn

Spicy

Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 298

You deserved it 4 693

By dm206 - 10/06/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 111

You deserved it 51 753

By Mandoune - 07/11/2008 14:18 - Finland

Today, I dropped my keys in the drain. Thankfully, my new flat mate generously offered his help to reach the keys via flower pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 281

You deserved it 4 555

Great solution

By sullry - 25/12/2019 05:00

Today, I had a talk with my roommate that last semester my grades took a bit because he stays up late every night playing video games. And then asked him about playing less, so I can get more sleep. Today also, he gave me a pair of ear plugs and asked if they would solve the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 848

Well read

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 05:00

Today, I vented to someone about being left on read by someone else, and they left me on read as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 372

By why - 23/07/2013 13:21

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 116

You deserved it 3 684

By anonymous - 27/11/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, after spending hours putting up our tree and decorating it, it fell over and shattered the glass ornaments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 503

You deserved it 4 623

A rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 16:02

Today, I got back from a camping trip after being homesick for 3 weeks. I couldn't remember why I had wanted to be away from my family for so long when I signed up for it. When I got home, I remembered. Everyone in my family hates each other. I want to go back to the camping site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 232

By brizzle - 05/04/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, my parents came home after being out of town for the weekend. I stayed home, did homework and completely cleaned the house, thinking I could earn some brownie points with them. They saw how clean the house was and accused me of covering up a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 338

You deserved it 6 336

By disgruntled - 09/12/2015 15:01

Today, my boss is writing me up for not signing a report before I left work. He refused to print the report that day, and I don't have access to the printers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 231

You deserved it 1 498

By Jessie - 23/02/2009 08:08 - United States

Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 217

You deserved it 3 512

By zzdug - 08/02/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 016

You deserved it 5 865

By Anonymous - 19/10/2013 18:48 - Belize - Belize City

Today, I finally found a place to stay after being kicked out by my parents. The psycho owner waited till now to tell me that my bathroom door will remain locked at all times, and that whenever I want to go in there, I have to ask him to unlock it, then do my business while he waits outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 650

You deserved it 3 648

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:14

So what? Not all homeless people dress badly. If I was him, I would assume the same thing.

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:28

I don't see the bad in this. I'm sure he had homeless coming there all morning and was just sick of them showing up.

Comments

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:07

You get your clothes at goodwill?

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:10

burn baby burn

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:39

Yeah, where'd she get those clothes, the toilet store?

Imawhalerider 0

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 11:24

no i got these digs from yo mama

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 8:14

just because you go to a soup kitchen doesnt mean your a fucking hobo. successful people are getting laid off every day and sometimes they just cant pay the bills because of the lack of income.

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Thursday 31 March 2011 5:24

you don't even know what some hobos look like at my old neighborhood there was a hobo who came to the stop sign in a completely clean tuxedo every day I have no idea how

Ninjasaurus18 9

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Thursday 10 May 2012 13:43

That's wonderful.

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Saturday 13 October 2012 21:48

....And?? Why is this an fml? The real fyl is that you're stupid and you think a miscommunication belongs here. Tell him you're there to volunteer. Problem solved, moron.

xxrogerthatxx 19

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Tuesday 19 November 2013 14:25

Funny comment number 1; and yeah people are getting into hard times everyday, don't ever judge someone, you don't know their story.

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:13

Clean yourself up.

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:14

So what? Not all homeless people dress badly. If I was him, I would assume the same thing.

cea99 0

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Sunday 24 July 2011 19:17

*Her You are excused

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Monday 29 October 2012 1:53

Are you dumb?

M13LO 0

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:25

YDI because I'm a troll

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 11:05

amazing .

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 22:10

hahaha

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:28

I don't see the bad in this. I'm sure he had homeless coming there all morning and was just sick of them showing up.

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Sunday 4 November 2012 17:29

Yeah that's why he works at a soup kitchen

WonderBlunder 0

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:29

What's so surprising? 99 in 100 people who walk in there want food..

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 9:30

Agh that sucks.

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 10:23

how's this an FML again? so weak...

brunettebarbiie 0

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 15:44

i agree wiith #22. This is NOT an FML! weak much.

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Sunday 5 August 2012 19:16

I agree how is this an FML ? Not every homeless person dresses bad.

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 11:04

He probably thought you were so ugly that you'd scare all the hobos away! You make desperate people prefer slow death by starvation over having to look at you.

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 11:29

He was doing his job and informing the public about when they open? FYL indeed. What the hell? no.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 15

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 26

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 69