Today, my boyfriend forgot to tell me about the all-night bender he went out on, and what he got up to with my best friend. But its okay; the Facebook pictures say it all. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2011 at 4:17am / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Love

Today, while trying on clothes in Macy's, someone decided to throw some shoes over the wall and into my changing stall. I now have a black eye. FML

by rhartnett11 / 04/23/2011 at 2:12am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After calling her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2011 at 1:11am / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

Today, at work, a customer went to try on a pair of pants. A few minutes later, she hurriedly returned and put the pants back on the shelf without saying anything. I later found out she'd come down with a bout of diarrhea and apparently didn't want to pay for the dry-cleaning. Glamorous. FML

by n77 / 04/22/2011 at 10:17pm / Switzerland (Vaud) / Health

Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML

by NathanPlays / 04/22/2011 at 9:39pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was on a three hour flight to Los Angeles for a corporate meeting. The woman next to me instantly fell asleep and snored louder than a freight train, while the kid behind me made a hobby of thashing my seat from behind. When I peered over and asked him to stop, he spat in my face. FML

by Ashleigh / 04/22/2011 at 2:43pm / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation

Today, I have a new boss. She claims to be a professional Angry Birds player. FML

by Username / 04/22/2011 at 10:42am / Work

Today, my boyfriend finally found a roommate after hopelessly looking for months. I was really anxious to meet the guy because I would most likely be spending a good amount of time with him. Who did my boyfriend end up picking as his new roommate? My ex-boyfriend. FML

by doubletrouble / 04/22/2011 at 10:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML

by op-poopy / 04/22/2011 at 10:26am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my mom confused me with my dad. She got in the shower with me. FML

by Damian / 04/22/2011 at 7:11am / Intimacy

hwilly's comment : awkward as a motherfucker, I would of jumped right out

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Today, I was on the train to work. I was up late the night before, causing me to doze off. When I woke up, I was at my station. I stood up, went to walk out of the door and fell flat on my face on a platform full of people. Someone had tied my shoelaces together. FML

by anonymous / 04/22/2011 at 6:50am / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML

by AngryBirdman / 04/22/2011 at 1:53am / Love

Today, I watched a YouTube video at work because I was bored. I forgot I was on a conference call and my computer's desktop was shared with 15 other people. No one said anything till it ended. FML

by anonymous / 04/22/2011 at 1:20am / Work