Today, I was at a local talent show and during a piano performance I had to go to the bathroom. I sang along in the bathroom but was unaware how loud I was until I walked out and everyone started applauding me while the pianist was still playing. FML

by American idol / 04/06/2011 at 2:19am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication due to the high level of stress that I experience at my job. Unfortunately, I cannot afford the medication because I do not make enough money at said job. FML

by Username / 04/05/2011 at 11:26pm / Money

Today, I wore my cheerleading uniform to my boyfriend's house. He was a nerd in high school and mentioned a fantasy about hooking up with a cheerleader. I started acting sassy and a little mean, figuring he would enjoy a more realistic experience. Apparently not, because he started to cry. FML

by oc_cheergirl / 04/05/2011 at 10:32pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

by troublewithbleach / 04/05/2011 at 9:52pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was "Does she know?" FML

by notacreeper / 04/05/2011 at 8:00pm / Love

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and we were just about to kiss. Until his mum walked in saying his girlfriend was at the door. I thought I was already there. FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2011 at 2:48pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Love

Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try and catch my flight. Two trailer accidents, two construction zones, three detours, and one police escort later, the airline wouldn't let me on the plane. FML

by anonymous / 04/05/2011 at 2:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2011 at 12:48pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML

by Imslow / 04/05/2011 at 12:40pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

by why / 04/05/2011 at 11:25am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a band concert with 500 other people. The song they were performing stopped, and I loved it so much I stood up and clapped. Everyone stared, while I slowly realized the song wasn't over. FML

by RedFace / 04/05/2011 at 10:06am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML

by stairmaster / 04/05/2011 at 3:47am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a baseball game. It was windy, so I decided to get my hat from the car trunk. When I opened it and reached in, loose papers started flying everywhere. Panicked, my dad slammed the trunk shut on my fingers. Entering the stadium, I discovered it was free hat day. FML

by oww / 04/05/2011 at 3:46am / United States (California) / Health